Work Text:
The bathroom lights highlighted the myriad of cuts and bruises on Katsuki's body in an almost grotesque fashion. For a whole week while mostly floating in subspace he didn't even consider the notion of having a physical body. His skin seemed connected to his soul somehow, Izuku's touches lighting up his very essence. Looking at his reflection in the neon light he realised his Dom's experience must have been quite different. He was swollen in random places, discoloured in others. There were stitches holding him together, bandages displaced by sleep trying to protect some of the damage. Right, they were in a fight before this. He may have collapsed from a life threatening subdrop, but he remembered the blood loss before it. It seemed so far away, as if in another life altogether.
He didn't recognise himself. The last time he actually dared to look in a mirror must have been years ago. It became unbearable as his spirit dropped lower and lower with Izuku's absence. And while he wasn't a pretty vision now, broken as he was physically, there was a glow there too. The promise of getting better. The lack of darkness under his eyes, the bite marks spread over his healthy skin, the swell of kissing on his lips, the smooth skin between his eyebrows.
Katsuki slept more in a single week by his Dom's side than he used to in a month confined to the prison of his loneliness. He was used to laying his head down to sleep while begging whatever higher powers were listening to let his heart finally give out in his slumber. He was used to pillowcases dampened by tears and cold sheets trapping him as he was twisting in the grasp of nightmares. He was used to mornings crawling from under the horizon as a life sentence.
It only took Izuku a week to undo years of damage, Katsuki thought with admiration gathering in his chest. He often thought of himself as a broken toy that the world had wanted like a child wants toys for Christmas, then played with as carelessly as it pleased, then, when the shiny paint wore off and dirt gathered in sharp angles, thrown at the bottom of a box and abandoned. He was useful for a while, before he needed help. Toys, or maybe tools would have been more accurate, don't ask for help, they are there to help. He should have been able to help himself, right? He was supposed to be a hero. How could he be of help when he couldn't help himself? Has he just been a burden for the other heroes while they tried to do their jobs? Was he so useless and so lacking even in self awareness to not notice?
“Sorry baby, you were taking a bit long to come out. Just came to check in. Are you doing okay?”
He didn't notice the door opening behind him nor Izuku coming up behind him with hands itching to grab and the hint of concern hidden in the furrow of his brows.
“Admiring my work, are you? Don't have much space to work with, not while your injuries are still healing. But I promise to do better, you deserve better than a halfhearted attempt. There's so much of you that I wanna get my teeth on.”
Oh Izuku, how can you even bear to touch me? What if you end up swallowing the poison that I am? What if I ruin you too like I ruined myself?...
“Baby, Kacchan, sweetheart, darling, love of my life.” Katsuki's eyes met the green of Izuku's in the mirror. Despite the softness of his features, the Dom held such certainty in his gaze. No commands were given but Katsuki knew it was impossible to turn away, feeling almost hypnotised. He wondered if Izuku had found a way to read his thoughts yet. He wouldn't put anything beyond the testament to ambition that was his soulmate. If he wished to, he'd find a way to know even the very pulses of electricity turning Katsuki's brain to the mess it was.
“Tell me, please.” Not a command either, but it didn't feel too far from one to Katsuki. He suspected Izuki figured out his Sub's mind was more of a labyrinth filled with dead ends and locked gates rather than an open book at this point.
“It's nothing, just…thinking…” The answer fell lamer than he hoped.
“Let me think with you, I'm good with thinking.” Izuku made it sound so simple, like making sense of Katsuki's darkness wasn't a curse, like it was natural.
“You're good with everything. You're so good and I'm…” He cut himself off before his voice would break.
“So good for me. Kacchan is perfect. I wouldn't be half of what I am if I didn't look up to you, if I didn't compete with you, if you didn't inspire me. You always said you were the best, and you've always been right about that.” Izuku's arms wrapped around Katsuki, his hands spread wide across his waist and his chest, gripping with a sense of possession. Without breaking eye contact, he started biting over the bruised marks on Katsuki's shoulder.
“No, no, no. Izuku, I'm not -”
“Kacchan, yes.”
Katsuki's brain did something weird that left him without air for a second. Not all orders are made equal, and one that threatened to turn his opinions upside down did not sit well in his head. Every atom in him wanted to obey, but all he ended up doing was staring blankly at Izuku's reflection while his mind reeled.
“I'm sorry, baby, that was wrong of me to ask. Come back to me.”
The new order made it easier to think, if even marginally. Katsuki leaned back into Izuku's chest, his hands searching for the Dom's thighs behind him to ground himself. He found them covered in the fluffy material of his pyjama pants, which was not ideal, but it allowed him to grip without the fear of hurting the other.
“That's it, good. Kacchan is so good at listening, makes me so proud.” Izuku hummed as his fingers stroked along the lines of Katsuki's torso. He lingered over healthy skin and passed by the damaged parts with a feather light touch, barely making Katsuki flinch. The Dom's stare burned through him from the mirror, eyes hyperfocused on his every reaction. It was a strange feeling, to be perceived so intentionally, and it made Katsuki want to both hide and let himself go at the same time.
“Look at you, so beautiful, so resilient, so strong. As glorious as you've ever been, even after all these years. Thank you for taking care of yourself when I couldn't, but I'm here now, so rely on me. Teach me how to be there for you.”
Katsuki hesitated, but in the end the Sub in him forced him into honesty.
“I didn't.”
A pause. Izuku's hands froze into place. Both their breaths hitched and held. The Dom's eyes scanned over him with frightening precision, trying to decipher the secret Katsuki revealed. He finally settled on the shadows under each of Katsuki's ribs, too visible for his liking. His fingers stroked over the bones as he met the Sub's gaze in the mirror with a painful look.
“This, baby?”
A nod.
“It's okay. It must have been hard for you. We'll take care of it together. You're not bad for this, I promise. Although…I feel like it's my duty, as your Dom I mean, to punish you for this sort of thing.”
Katsuki's eyebrows raised in panic, his heart beating too fast in his ears. Not more than a week of being Izuku's Sub and he's already being punished. He wanted to cry, but that might only add to it, after all the punishment was for being weak. If Izuku only knew all the ways in which he had been weak in all those years apart his punishment would be unending.
“Hey, it's okay. It'll be more like..symbolic. Nothing too intense, no need to be scared, baby. Just something to show your inner Sub I can be a proper and reliable Dom when needed, that you can trust me to keep you in check.”
Katsuki's fear wasn't quelled by the reassurances, Izuku took note.
“It's not just this, right?”
A shake of Katsuki's head. A sigh and a kiss pressed to his neck.
“Let's go back to bed, Kacchan. I'll need to make a list.”
______________
There's a pillow under Katsuki's knees, saving his bones from what would be quite painful contact with the kitchen tile. His eyes are closed, and even if they wouldn't be, a silky black scarf would reduce his vision to vague shapes at most. His wrists have been carefully tied behind his back, the rope digging into his flesh just enough for him to feel grounded. He could hear Izuku moving around the kitchen and muttering about the best way to prepare whatever he wanted to force Katsuki to eat. The Sub wasn't yet used to full meals again, so Izuku had to be careful choosing as to not cause even more pain for him. And Katsuki just about wanted to kiss the floor his Dom walked on for the grandeur of his forgiveness and his care. It felt undeserved still, but he knew if Izuku would catch on to his line of thought, and he always did in some almost magical way that Katsuki chose to not question, he would surely be disappointed. He rather preferred not doing that during what was already supposed to be a punishment. A loose term perhaps, as Izuku had yet to cause him any real pain or humiliation in spite of his begging. But he was sure Izuku was inventive enough to find suitable replacements and he was prepared to be left buffering for a few hours after they would be done.
While his crimes against Izuku had been many and, by Katsuki's standards, unforgivable, his Dom swore to only punish the wrongdoings he did to his own self. Unfortunately, those have been quite plentiful as well, more so than Katsuki would have considered, yet Izuku kept adding to the list as Katsuki started to tell his side of the story to his soulmate.
Today he was to be corrected for not properly taking care of his body in terms of nourishment. Izuku had scoffed and rubbed the bridge of his nose as Katsuki justified the amount of protein bars his old kitchen was stocked with. It had been hot, sure, a part of Katsuki was enjoying every reaction he got out of the Dom after their years apart. But he regretted not being good more, he regretted causing his love concern and forcing him to correct him when he learned Izuku would really rather not. At least not over things that matter.
Regardless, it was too late now. Katsuki was waiting, in cosy sweatpants and one of Izuku's well worn T-shirts, on the floor, mouth shut despite no order stopping him from talking. He enjoyed just being in Izuku's presence. It felt like he was a piece of a puzzle already placed in the right position, waiting for the world to form around him, yet knowing he was just where he needed to be. Ignored as he was for the moment, armed with the knowledge that soon he'd have all the attention he could need from his Dom, he waited. Whatever Izuku had on the stove wasn't loud in terms of flavour, and he regretted ruining his resistance to spiciness with his habits.
Time slipped by him, his brain turned off in the meantime, until the screech of a chair brought him back to the surface, then the thud of Izuku falling in the seat. A gentle hand smoothed over his hair, the touch feeling heavenly after the previous deprivation, then grabbed and pulled his head back. He almost moaned at the dull pain that took over his scalp, but he managed to keep it silent. He didn't know what Izuku expected of him and he didn't want to guess, he wanted to be good.
“You can react as you need to, Kacchan. You should, really, I need to know these things. I want you to let me know. I deserve it, don't I?” So earnest. To be studied by your love for your own benefit, mostly at least. Katsuki's head was already spinning.
Nodding only increased the pressure on his scalp as Izuku's hand held steady in place, so Katsuki was forced to speak. Words sat heavy in his mouth, his brain pleasantly delayed.
“Mhm..yes. Deserve everything, ‘zuku”
“That's right.” He could hear Izuku smiling graciously so clearly. He wanted to kiss the smile off his face, how dare he amuse himself with Katsuki’s helplessness. He wanted to kiss and bite and worship. He settled for pushing his head harder in Izuku’s hold. “And what about my baby, what does he deserve?”
Katsuki smirked languidly. “To be fucked.”
He heard Izuku genuinely laughing at that. No meanness, no cruelty, he sounded almost endeared. Perhaps he was. Katsuki still struggled to grasp the reality of what it meant to be the recipient of Izuku’s love. Some days it felt more real than others, he wasn’t sure where he stood today.
He knew he had meant it. They hadn’t fucked, not after the day they got together. He kept asking for it, body ready and willing to part and welcome Izuku in all the ways he could, but the Dom refused. Said he was still healing and he should have been more careful about that. It took no small amount of convincing and kisses to stop Katsuki from thinking Izuku regretted doing it in the first place. Regretted him. But maybe that is what Izuku meant by still healing. Despite doing better than he had in years, maybe ever, Katsuki was still always a word or a gesture away from a drop. The more pessimistic side of him felt it might always be this way, no matter how much effort Izuku put into fixing him. He just hoped to somehow keep his Dom happy and entertained enough to not get tired of his sensitivity and leave.
“Hey, where'd you go, baby?” Izuku's voice sounded much closer than before, Katsuki could almost feel his breath tickling his face. A quick kiss on his cheek confirmed it. “There you are, hi. Try not to go where I can't follow, yeah? I don't wanna be left behind.”
Katsuki wanted to cry. How Izuku could face his struggles every day, knowing what he did, and find it in him to be so kind was beyond him. His fingers flexed at his lower back, wishing he could touch. But he had to be good, so he had to endure this weird and soft kind of punishment because that's what Izuku thought would help. Because that was the only reason he was being disciplined at all. Izuku wasn't a Dom who did anything out of pride or just because he could, he did it because Katsuki needed it, even if he may not have recognised the need yet. What would Katsuki know of his own needs when he ignored them for so long? So he had to learn, to accept, to let go.
“Kacchan deserves everything too.” Fingers were weaving through his hair as if to braid the words into it. “I know you don't believe it yet, but that's what I'm here for. To remind you, to show you, to prove it to you, however long it takes.”
Katsuki's face must have done something good in reaction to that, because suddenly there's a kiss pressed to his forehead, then the tip of his nose, then finally his lips. Too fast for him to respond, but enough to warm up his cheeks.
“But just because we deserve things it doesn't mean they're good for us whenever we want them. Sometimes we have to wait until we're ready, and that's okay. We deserved to be okay. Say it back to me.” He wouldn't torture Katsuki by making it all about him, but it was close enough.
“We deserve…to be okay.” He struggles more than he'd prefer but the words come out clear enough to not earn him another repetition.
“That's right. Good boy, Kacchan.”
Something snaps in Katsuki's brain and he almost falls forward as tension he didn't even know about disappeared from his muscles. Izuku was there to catch him, praises soft on his tongue and hands bringing his head to rest on his soulmate's thigh to make it easier for him.
“You're so cute, baby. I love you so much.” Izuku was a ray of sunshine and Katsuki felt like a lazy cat sunbathing on hot concrete on a scorching summer day. Until his stomach grumbled impatiently, reminding him of where this was going.
“Ah, don't worry, Kacchan, there will be no more going hungry for you. Kacchan's stomach, I'm so sorry you had to endure such terrible treatment, but fret not. I'm taking care of him now.” Katsuki bit into Izuku's thigh in frustration. “So hungry you want to eat me, Kacchan? I'm sorry I let it get that far. It's my duty as your soulmate and your Dom to make sure you are well fed. I'll do better in the future, please forgive me." Punishment was punishment after all, Katsuki thought as he buried his face in his Dom's body to drown out the ramblings. Not quite humiliation, but a version of it that had no chances of hurting Katsuki. It worked.
A firm hand repositioned his head so he was only leaning against Izuku's leg, then rested lightly on his neck and jaw.
“Open up, baby.”
Food was offered, the feeling of not having his own hands controlling the motion quite weird. The flavour was bland, some steamed vegetables he didn't care enough to identify, cubes of meat that he only recognised because it took a long time to chew in his floaty state. Izuku's calloused fingertips tickled his lips with every bite, and the sheer intimacy of Izuku not even using a fork made blood flow to his cheeks.
As he was fed what must have been a baby carrot, Katsuki wrapped his lips around one of Izuku's fingers and sucked a little, just to tease. It was worth it to hear his Dom's giggles. Even more worth it when the next time his hand returned it was empty, just two fingers resting on his lower lip, waiting for him to open his mouth.
Katsuki parted his lips, hands sweating and shaking in trepidation behind his back. He tasted the salt that lingered on Izuku's fingers from cooking as his tongue welcomed their weight. His jaw was sore from an already unusual amount of chewing he did, but he forced it open and loose for Izuku. His chin trembled as he did his best to keep his teeth away from the other's skin. Already hurt enough for a hundred lifetimes, can't cause him any more pain.
His brain emptied, a hazy static taking over as Izuku began to move his fingers back and forth slowly, pressure steady on his tongue. He kept himself present by tracing every pass of Izuku's crooked joints over with the tip of his tongue, trying to imagine what a lewd picture they must make. If Izuku were a weaker man perhaps Katsuki's tongue could have tempted him into putting it to better use, but the Sub knew he had no chance of winning that prize yet. That didn't stop heat from building up under his skin nor him from panting heavily against Izuku's hand. He knew Izuku knew. Yet he was denied, and for his own good no less. That shouldn't have been so hot.
Izuku bent the tips into the back of Katsuki's tongue and he choked. Drool spilled down his chin, his cheeks heating up in shame. He felt Izuku's thumb spreading the wetness around his jaw. Katsuki wanted to see him so badly. Was he enjoying this as well, was he getting worked up too? Was he smiling innocently while shredding the last bits of Katsuki's dignity or was he so absorbed into his role that his face hardened in concentration? Was he pleased with Katsuki? If the answer to the last question was yes, anything else became inconsequential.
The fingers pulled back from Katsuki's mouth all too soon.
“That's quite enough, baby. I'm sure you're hungry for me, but that's not what we're doing here.”
The slow rhythm of getting hand fed returned. Chewing was slightly awkward after the stretch of having Izuku's fingers in his mouth, his jaw was tired. It was a good kind of tired though, one that he craved with his whole being. To be made tired by Izuku's attention, by having Izuku inside of him, in whichever capacity his Dom allowed, was a blessing. Katsuki would not take it lightly.
Food felt wrong after getting a taste of what he actually wanted though. He tried not to let it show, knowing his Dom would not agree with this thought, but his mind was unwillingly transported back to his own kitchen. The smoke, the fire alarm, the hours lost. Izuku didn't comment much on it when Katsuki told him, even if the Sub could tell a whole speech about safety was building up in his throat. Instead, all that left his gritted teeth was: “It won't happen again”. If that was a threat to Katsuki or to himself was yet to be determined, but the Dom's decision was final. Katsuki would not struggle with eating on Izuku's watch. It softened the thorns in Katsuki's heart to be treated with such care, even if it meant he wasn't exactly comfortable with the measures being taken now.
It took him almost a minute to chew on a piece of broccoli. He knew it wasn't a lot, but he didn't remember eating real food in so long, he was exhausted. It felt wrong, to be without the grumbling in his stomach, to not feel the void there matching the one in heart. It was fair though. The lack of void was made to match now, Izuku filled both.
“Hmm, not quite as much as I hoped, but I guess we have to take it slowly.” Izuku grumbled to himself before addressing Katsuki. “You're done, baby. You did so good for me. Thank you for letting me take care of you. It makes me so happy to be able to do this with you.”
Katsuki whimpered. Izuku was happy, he was so relieved he didn't disappoint him. He simply failed to do something himself so his Dom had to step in and help, nothing weird about it. Katsuki felt like there was some contradiction with his beliefs hidden somewhere, but he couldn't find it. He wondered if Izuku would ever do this outside of this almost punishment. He probably wouldn't even need to ask, only look at his plate a certain way and his Dom would be ready to take over. Katsuki was so lucky.
“Thank you for taking care of me, ‘Zuku.” His voice was raspy, his words slurred, but he thought his soulmate understood it anyway. He was sure he was radiating gratefulness.
“Was I-”
The next time he opened his mouth he was met with lips instead. He tried to stop himself from squeaking but it was already too late. Izuku did him the favour of not laughing. Another kiss, deeper, the angle changing from Izuku sliding down to the floor next to him.
“You were perfect. So pretty kneeling for me and letting me spoil you. So soft, so pliant, so mine. The way you just let me do things to you, it's intoxicating. You're gonna make me feral, baby.” Izuku did laugh this time, but Katsuki was pretty sure it was at his own expense.
The blindfold fell from his eyes, and as he opened them he found that most of the lights were off, only a small lamp spreading warm light over them. Izuku already thought of that, he was always 10 steps ahead of Katsuki in everything. His heart overflowed with reverence. Soft and dreamy, much like him. He loved Izuku so much.
He must have said it out loud, because Izuku kept repeating it as he pulled Katsuki in his lap so he could reach around to his wrists. They were freed with a few careful tugs, then his arms were slowly eased back into a comfortable position, Izuku's fingers massaging his hands to help his blood flow again.
He buried his face in Izuku's neck, soothing himself on his scent to prolong the softness settling over his heart. Izuku smelled so good, he could pinpoint what the scent was, but it smelled like safety. He wanted to inhale it so deep that it got lost in his lungs and he kept feeling Izuku with every breath. His lips pressed against his Dom's pulse, letting the steady rhythm lull him towards sleep.
“Up you go, baby, let's take you to bed.”
His arms wrapped around Izuku's neck as he was lifted and carried to their bedroom. They stay wrapped around Izuku as his soulmate lowered him on the sheets and cuddled into him. He stayed floating in Izuku's gentleness, soaking it up, letting it guide him to sleep through the haze.
“Sweet dreams, Kacchan. I hope I dream of you.” were the last words he heard before his hearing got blurry with tiredness.