Chapter Text
His spouse said that they would be back, that they had to go to the Underworld to lead souls to their final rest. After all, they were Death, the Shepherd of the souls. Someone had to take care of their realm and that someone is them. Narinder understood, because he used to be Death. He knew that the time between their realm and the overworld would be different and that he might have to wait far longer than The Lamb expected. But he can wait. He is used to waiting, that is why he got the title The One Who Waits. He promised them that he would wait for their return.
It had been weeks since Laziel left to tend to their realm, but he wasn't worried. They told him that they would come back eventually, they just didn't know when. He remembered how they squeezed his hand in theirs and held his cheek in the other, worried that the cat would be lonely without them. Narinder was strong, they knew that, but they also knew about his trauma and its effects on him.
He has night terrors of the time he got hurt and imprisoned by his siblings, of his mother dying in his tiny arms while he was surrounded by flames. He had many restless nights because of it and only Laziel could soothe him back to sleep. After years of research, Kallamar, his brother and former bishop, did what Laziel told him to do and made Narinder a medication. Under the cat’s wishes, they kept Narinder’s condition a secret.
The medication helped and Narinder could live his life normally without being restless. Kallamar would always refill his medication and would warn him about the effects of excessive consumption every time, which annoyed him and would always wave him off and leave.
His siblings had been The Lamb’s followers for two years now and he had decided to keep his relationship between him and them distant. Narinder did not plan on acting like his imprisonment never happened. They did eventually apologize, to which he accepted but did not forgive. Unlike the years before he used to be a crown bearer, he kept his contact with them short.
Now that Laziel had left, he realized how alone he was. He did have a friend, The Lamb’s disciple and Leshy’s boyfriend, Manon. Manon is a yellow cat with an extroverted and chaotic personality, which explained why he and Leshy got along well. But he also got a side to him that spoke authority and order, that being one of the reasons why The Lamb chose him as their first disciple.
How Manon befriended Narinder is a mystery among the flock, not even Laziel knew how. Narinder was never interested in their followers, they were all strangers to him. Nobody even dared to approach him and make small talk. It probably had something to do with his veil covering his face and his hood being up every day, making him look intimidating. Laziel did mention that even without the veil, it wouldn’t make a difference. Narinder always had a scowl on his face unless they are around.
“Did you know that your face turns neutral, more like- serene, whenever I approach you?” Laziel had once said with a teasing smile. “I like that tiny detail about you, especially when you sometimes crack a smile.” Narinder did not know how to respond to that, but his tail curled and he avoided eye contact.
A month had passed. He pulled his wool coat closer to himself as he looked up at the sealed door in front of him that led to his former realm, now Laziel’s. He knew that they were fine and only cleaning up the mess that they neglected for years but he could not help checking on the door each week in hopes that they returned.
‘Calm yourself, you are getting impatient.’ He said to himself and sniffed from the cold. His ear twitched when he felt something wet touch it. The lone cat looked up to see the snow starting to fall slowly.
That night was his first winter he had spent alone after five years.
Narinder ended the morning sermon by closing the book and looking down at The Lamb’s flock through his veil, awaiting any questions. A hand was raised among the crowd, it was a young rabbit, the daughter of Laziel’s disciple, Inaya. “Yes, Isa?”, “When does Ba return?” she asked and fidgeted with her red shirt. The flock started to nod and whisper at that. He sighed and raised a hand to silence them.
“As the God of Death, The Lamb has duties to attend to in the Underworld. They are collecting souls that got lost from their path and are leading them to their final rest. This might take weeks, months or even years. In their case, it will take years, since they had left their realm unattended in order to take care of all of you, their flock.” Narinder explained. The whispers started again but they were mostly positive. “Are they going to lead my brother too?” Another young member asked nervously. “The dead go to the God of Death’s realm, in that case, yes, they are leading each person to their deserved path, including your brother. I’m pretty sure your brother was a good man.”
Usually, Narinder would stay in the back of the temple and listen to Laziel’s morning sermons. He took over in their steed since they left and would switch every week with Ratau. One day, Laziel’s disciples would take over, but they needed more training before they could be fully priests.
It had been a year since The Lamb left for their realm.
Narinder found a new activity that could distract him besides working. He silently dragged his charcoal pencil on the paper, making sure that he didn’t leave out any details. He had been drawing for a while, to the point he could say that his drawings are decent, not bad but not that good either. That’s what he told himself, but some people had been complimenting him for his skills and even asked if he could draw a portrait of them in exchange for gold. He declined the offer, only wanting to draw two things. Nature and his spouse.
He put the pencil down once he was done and admired his work. It was a detailed charcoal portrait of Laziel looking directly at him and with a small smile. The portrait only reached their hips. Their hands were folded in front as if they were about to make a speech. Narinder did plan on making a formal portrait of them and it turned out- decent. In his opinion.
Laziel would scold him for that. Would gasp and tell him that the portrait was good, then continue to scold him that he should appreciate his own work more and accept compliments from others.
“Are they really going to return?” Narinder tensed up and turned to see his younger brother Leshy and Manon, Laziel’s first disciple and now priest and Leshy’s now husband. Narinder had decided to sketch at the red crown fountain in front of the locked doors of the Underworld.
“Of course they will.” Narinder responded and looked back at his finished drawing. “The time between here and their realm are different. You and I know that, and The Lamb knows that too. An hour for them is a day for us. Sometimes it changes, maybe an hour is a year for us.” He said calmly as he looked up from the drawing and at the towering doors that were now covered by vegetation.
“But Narinder” Manon paused and put a paw on his shoulder. He did not look at him, already knowing what he was going to say. “It has been ten years since they left.” Despite knowing, it still made him pause and frown.
“I know.”
Narinder was patient, after all, he was The One Who Waits. He told himself as he watched the black coffin being lowered down into the grave made for his eldest sibling Shamura. His siblings mourned beside him silently with occasional sniffing.
Shamura had told him one day that they had done and seen everything they wanted and that they were ready to be judged by the God of Death. Narinder did not argue and unclasped the golden skull necklace from their neck. Only Laziel could do that but since they had married Narinder, he had gained some authority.
In Shamura’s death bed, they had reached for Narinder and held his hand in theirs. He did not expect it but stayed regardless and listened to what they had to say. “I know I have apologized before dear brother, but I must apologize again. I am so, so sorry Narinder for causing you so much pain. I have made a grave mistake in the past that has scarred you to this day and I cannot undo that. You do not have to forgive me for I have accepted your first response to my apology in the beginning. But I wanted to say it again and let you know that I am genuine.” They paused and squeezed his paw. “I’m sorry brother.”
Narinder did not respond but he hesitantly removed his veil to reveal his face and took their hand and touched the back of it with his forehead right above his third eye. “Know that it means a lot to me sibling. I may not forgive you for the actions you have caused but my grudge for you and the others dissipated a long time ago. You may rest now in the hands of The Lamb.”
“Thank you.”
Shamura’s death was forty years ago.
It was around three centuries ago when The Lamb left. The cult grounds had slowly turned into a town with bigger buildings and houses. The temple had gotten bigger, his shared tent with Laziel was taken down and Narinder moved into a house on a hill a bit farther from the town’s people. The area with the doors that lead to each realm was closed off due to a construction he had commissioned. It would take a few years until they open it again. He and his family watched how everything changed, how people invented useful things like electricity and cars. Medications had also been improved, mostly because of the help of his brother and his scholars.
“Narinder, you should try and quit using your medication. It’s not healthy for your body and mind to be using these for a long period of time.” Kallamar said and put the small orange container beside him. The cat’s ears pinned back as he looked away in shame. He knew he should, but he was terrified.
“I have tried Kal. I can’t sleep without them.” Narinder lied and reached for his medication, but his brother snatched it from him. “Please. I don’t want you to die from an overdose or from other potential health problems.” This time Narinder glared at him, irritated, and forcefully took it back from his clutched hands, making the squid wince. “If you do not want to fucking help me then fine! I will ask somebody else!” He stood up and left Kallamar’s office with a loud slam of the door, making other nurses look at him in bewilderment.
Narinder had gone to Kallamar to ask for a higher dosage of his sleep medication since the long usage of it made him develop a tolerance. Despite his medication’s improvements, his night terrors would return within a year or two. One night it returned ten times worse than he remembered it to be. He had woken up screaming and crying, unable to recognize his own room for a solid fifteen minutes until he calmed down. He did not go back to sleep after that and instead, he made himself some coffee and decided to watch a movie on the television in his living room. Since then, he had been restless. Never mind, if Kallamar won’t help him, he could just find a different doctor.
Narinder huffed and pulled his coat closer to himself as he walked through the cold streets of Old Faith the name now changed to Polaris over the years. He rushed to get to his destination, since it was snowing and freezing cold outside. He stopped when a car honked at him, making him curse at the driver before continuing.
Narinder slowed and walked up the slippery steps before he quietly entered the grand cathedral where a priest was ending a sermon. He wasn’t there to listen to any of it, instead, he laid his eyes upon the large doors behind the pew that was still sealed shut.
It had been a few centuries since Laziel left to tend to their duties. Still, he did not get a glimpse of them or a sign that they were returning.
Narinder was growing tired, he had been over a century.
Every year on their wedding anniversary, he visited the barrier between life and death, which was the door behind the priest. Narinder had commissioned someone a long time ago to build a cathedral of the Red Crown there with all the doors to each of the realms intact. Though under his request, the doors were now sealed shut and displayed as an old monument.
“A very nice cathedral is it not?” His ear twitched and he turned to his right to see an elderly brown bear. He hummed in agreement and looked up at the stained glass above the door. It was an artwork of Laziel with their arms outstretched as a welcome, their eyes red, horns long and slightly curled and a halo behind the back of their head. On the sides of the cathedral are artworks of The Lamb’s history summarized. On the left side, it depicted their family, their culture and their doom. On the right depicted their resurrection, the bishops fall and the fate of The One Who Waits.
There were more artworks and artifacts about both him and Laziel in the exhibition area, which he donated himself. He donated his old robes, the cult’s robes, one of Laziel’s spare red fleeces, both his and their jewelry, which were only part of their collection, and paintings of both of them. Of course, he made a copy of their portraits and hung them on the wall of his home. One of the paintings being their wedding painting where Narinder did not wear a veil. Except for that and his portrait that was also in the exhibition, there were no other murals of him not wearing his veil.
It was said that if someone painted him without his veil, they would get bad luck. Which wasn’t true at all, he just liked his privacy, and it stuck to him since he was a young bishop. But he never debunked the superstition, nor could he since he went into hiding after the cathedral was done getting built.
He had decided to hide his identity, making him theoretically vanish in history books. Some say that he had died of heartbreak, others say he left in anger but in reality, he retired from leading in general. He had raised and teached generations after generations of disciples and priests until he was satisfied that they could do things on their own. The last priest he had contact to had died of old age a long time ago as well as the other mortals who knew him, soon, he was forgotten and lost in the records.
The only ones who knew he was still alive were his family, Leshy, Heket and Kallamar and Leshy’s husband, Manon. Just like Narinder, Manon did not want to give up on waiting for his Leader, there were times where he did lose hope and was only still alive for Leshy’s sake but there was still a flicker in him, waiting for them. Narinder was glad that he would stay longer, or else he would have lost a dear friend of his and he would not take that loss lightly.
Kallamar’s husband, Astaroth passed a century after The Lamb left with the same reason as Shamura. His brother was devastated but he understood and accepted his decision. Since then, he didn’t date anyone until another fifty years passed. He fell in love with mortals, married them and they died of old age. And the cycle for the squid began again.
Heket on the other hand, was never interested in dating anyone. At some point he thought that she was aromantic and would never date anybody, but he later found out that she was a widow and would stay a widow until the day she decides she was ready to pass. She reluctantly explained that it was a mortal named Bathin. He knew that she was a former witness, but he did not press her further when she stopped explaining and they left it at that.
“Say young man…” the bear started but did not look at the cat beside her. “Legend has it, that The Lamb would one day return and go through that door. Do you think it to be true?” she asked. Narinder did not reply for a moment to collect his thoughts. “It is true. Though when, is hard to tell.” He removed his hood and shivered when the cold made contact with his ears. His third eye was closed to keep his identity hidden, because there were no other cats that had three eyes except for The One Who Waits. Luckily his midnight fur concealed his eye or else he would have been detected a long time ago. He would love to wear his veil again but that would make him more suspicious.
When the sermon finally ended, he excused himself to the old lady and wished her well before he made his way toward the door. “Ah, Mr. Bishop! It is nice to see you again. Here to visit The Lamb’s tomb?” The priest smiled as he walked up to him. Narinder forgot that people called it their tomb now instead of the barrier. Theoretically it was their tomb, since they entered it but never came back out.
“Yes. It is said that today is The Lamb’s and The One Who Waits wedding anniversary.” He said while he put a donation of a few coins in the box and took a candle. “I remember, you told me that a few years back. It’s strange that The Lamb did not put it into the doctrines, hence why people tend to forget.” The mouse said and watched as Narinder lit the candle and put it in front of the door.
“It is something private and nothing to celebrate with strangers after all. Maybe that is why it is not an official holiday.” He explained and watched the flame of his candle flicker. It’s true, they want their anniversary to be intimate and private, something that only they share. It is recorded in history books but wasn’t marked as a holiday by The Lamb or him. So, he did not expect anyone to remember or even celebrate it. It was only between him and Laziel.
“May I be so bold, why do you always visit them on their anniversary?” The priest asked after a moment of silence. He caught him there. “To remind them that their husband is still waiting for them somewhere. The story of them leaving him behind with the promise that they will return is similar to mine. Their husband vanished and nobody knows where he went, but I believe that he is still out there, waiting. That is why he got the title The One Who Waits, no? I’m here to light a candle to remind them that today is their anniversary, since nobody else does.” He explained and unconsciously fidgeted with his wedding ring. Normally, when someone’s spouse dies, they put their wedding ring on their right ring finger. Narinder kept it on his left. The fact that Laziel had been in the realm of the dead for far too long, some would say that they are dead. But a god could not die unless it was in the hands of another god, but they were the last one.
“My condolences Mr. Bishop.” The mouse bowed when he understood the meaning behind it and Narinder shook his head. “No, I know that they are still alive somewhere, I just have to wait and look harder.” The missing spouse story was his classic lie whenever someone got curious about his dating life.
“Then I pray to The Lamb that you will find your spouse.” The priest bowed and Narinder bowed back and said his farewells before he left.
It was time to visit Aym and Baal, he promised them that he would join them and Forneus for dinner. Knowing them, they did not want him to spend the night of his anniversary alone. Speaking of, Baal was calling him on his phone. He answered.
“Father! Are you finished visiting Ba? I wanted to ask if it’s possible for you to buy some eggs on the way here, Mother forgot to add it to her grocery list.”, “No! You two were the ones who misread the tags and bought boiled eggs instead!” He heard Forneus screaming from the other side of the room, making Narinder chuckle. “Alright, I will make my way there, is there anything else I could get you?” He made his way down the stairs and walked up to the crosswalk and waited.
“Maybe some snacks for-“ Narinder did not hear Baal finish his sentence when he felt someone small squeezing its way through the crowded area and free themselves before they ran onto oncoming traffic. Narinder eyes widened as he watched the small goat run toward the street with tears in his eyes. He didn’t think when he suddenly dropped his phone and ran toward the kid. Everything felt slow as he reached out, grabbing his arm and pulling him back with full force. He let out a breath to which he thought would be his last while he watched the headlights of the car getting closer at full speed.
There was a loud crash and then nothing for a while. He didn’t know he was squeezing his eyes shut until he slowly started to hear shocked gasps and whispers and a mother scolding her child. He was still alive. He let out a breath that he didn’t think he was holding and opened his eyes. Narinder blinked and looked down to see a shadow, an apparition to be exact. An apparition of The Lamb, his Lamb, his Laziel, holding down the car that was meant to crash into him. Their eyes were glowing an angry red as they glared at the driver who looked terrified out of his mind.
Narinder swallowed and reached out with his fingers nervously. “Laz…” He called out and their ears twitched before they looked back at him. Their face weren’t visible but their red glowing eyes softened when they saw their husband alive and well.
Without a word, they disappeared into his wedding ring that he didn’t notice was glowing. There were more whispers now, something about The Lamb. If it was truly them or just a fake or a curse.
Narinder quickly grabbed his phone and continued his way to Forneus’ house, completely forgetting the eggs that Baal asked him to buy.
He did not mention Laziel’s apparition appearing in front of him when he almost died and only told them that there was an accident.
Narinder shot up screaming in the middle of the night. He felt for his wrists, no shackles. He felt around his chest, no chains. Though he could not stop his labored breathing, he was terrified. He dreamt of his imprisonment, he was on an altar, his siblings holding him down and chaining him while he screamed and begged to stop. This time, he saw Laziel in his dream, standing in the back and watching with sorrowful eyes. He had called out to them, begging them to help him as he cried. But before they could step in, Shamura had plunged their spear into his heart, which woke him up in the first place.
Flashes of his nightmare kept on appearing in his mind, making him curl up and look around the room. One moment he was in his bedroom, the next he was back at the altar with the bishops looming over him. He whimpered as he unconsciously scratched at his chest where Shamura had stabbed him, where his heart was beating abnormally fast, wishing for it to stop. He didn’t notice his wedding ring glowing until someone, or something grabbed his wrist, making him scream and scramble away from them, but before he could fall off the bed and injure himself, the shadow grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. The hug was familiar, but cold.
Why was it familiar again? He forgot. The black cat tried to get out of its hold then let out a whimper when it pulled him closer and started stroking the back of his head. He could have sworn he heard a distant lullaby. Something he hasn’t heard a long time ago. A flash of Laziel holding him like this came into his mind.
Ah, right. He remembered his first night with Laziel. He had woken them up by his screaming and they immediately scrambled to pull him into a hug. That night, they sang him an unfamiliar lullaby, something they heard from their mother, they told him. A song that soon calmed him down and made him fall back to sleep.
Narinder hummed that song in a shaky tone in order to calm himself while the shadow of Laziel kept stroking his head silently.
That night, the shadow stayed until they made sure that Narinder wouldn’t hurt himself again. The sun had risen but he had stayed in the same position, staring blankly at his wedding ring.
Today was Narinder’s birthday. He had never celebrated his birthday before, not since Laziel left because they were the one who insisted on celebrating it. This time, his family had called him to come over for dinner.
He sat at the table while his siblings chatted. Aym and Baal were sitting on either side of him, Forneus next to Baal. They were complaining about their work.
The twins had decided to work at a police station and Forneus as a baker. It fit them perfectly. Leshy was expectantly unemployed, Manon had retired from being a priest and was working at a bar. Kallamar was still a doctor and Heket a chef at a fancy restaurant. ‘All of them got their life together’ Narinder thought as he poked at his food.
Narinder had worked as a mortician for decades, but he had recently stopped due to his mental health and lack of sleep. His family most likely noticed that that’s why he got invited to his own birthday party.
“Narinder…” His ear twitched and he looked up at his sister. “You are awfully quiet today. Kallamar said you visited the hospital recently, what happened?” Heket signed. Narinder shot a glare toward Kallamar and he immediately shrunk down to hide. Narinder sighed. “It’s nothing, I just needed some medication against headaches.” He rubbed his temple. “That doesn’t really explain why you quit your job as well.” She continued and frowned. “I’m worried about you brother. Ever since The Lamb left-“ She signed but was interrupted by a bang against the table.
“I’m not going to talk about this.” He gritted his teeth and unconsciously dug his nails into his palm but was stopped by Aym putting his paw on top of his. “We are just worried about you Father.” He said and looked at him with so much concern. “There is nothing to worry about, I can handle things on my own.” Narinder pulled away and sighed. “The last thing I need is bringing up my spouse on the table. Yes, it is to my knowledge that a thousand years passed. Yes, I know that there were no signs of them returning, but for fucks sake, just let me believe that they will return one day!” The table was silent. “Thank you for the dinner Heket, Forneus. I appreciate that but I think it is time for me to go.” No one stopped him when Narinder stood up and left, nor did anyone run after him.
The only person who would dare face an angry Narinder was Laziel. They would have talked things out with him, calmed him down and led him back to the table. But they weren’t there anymore. He had to deal with his emotions alone, which was fine. He did not plan on bothering anyone with it, but he missed Laziel’s reassurances, he missed their affection, their love, their smile and laugh, everything.
Narinder huffed and fidgeted with his wedding ring as he rode down the elevator then hesitantly took it off and put it in his pant pocket. One way to show that he was mad at them, mad that they left him alone in the future that they both promised each other that they would spend together.
Narinder gasped and scrambled up in panic when he woke up. He looked around his room in bewilderment as if he was trying to find a way to escape. One claw reached up and scratched at his neck, trying to remove the phantom chain meanwhile the other was scratching at his chest. This time, there was no apparition of Laziel trying to stop him. It was just him.
Narinder’s breathing came out uneven as one part of his mind made him go to the bathroom to try and make himself snap out of it. He gasped and threw up into the toilet, something he has done a few times since his night terrors returned. He gagged and wiped his mouth after he was done and flushed the toilet. Usually his hallucinations would disappear after he threw up but it didn’t even after he splashed some cold water onto his face.
He groaned and held his head when flashes of his siblings, his imprisonment and The Lamb’s betrayal appeared in his mind, then them leaving him with the promise of coming back.
“They all betrayed us.” A sultry, deep voice spoke up in his mind. “The Lamb promised and they betrayed us again.” The One Who Waits hissed.
“Shut up.” Narinder groaned and hit his head with his paw in frustration before he opened a cabinet and grabbed his prescribed pills. He blindly took a handful of it and swallowed it down followed by a glass of water. “They betrayed us.” The One Who Waits repeated as he made his way to his bed. “I don’t care. They will come back.” Narinder mumbled and buried himself under the covers.
“What makes you think that they will return?” The One Who Waits asked as he looked down at himself under the blankets.
“They promised me that they will. Vowed to me that they will stay by my side.” Narinder mumbled and held his head in pain.
“They promised to give our crown back to us too. Look what happened.” The voice moved from his left side to the right.
“They took our godhood, resurrected our siblings whom we swore to kill and leave them dead, vowed to you to spend their future with you forever and now they have left you.”
“They got sick of you Narinder.” The voice whispered in his head.
“You are a monster, a killer, you are Death itself. That is why everyone is so afraid of you.”
“Shut up.”
“Shut up.”
“Shut up.”
“Shut up!!!”
He threw his pillows at the direction where he heard him, but there was nothing but himself. His head hurt, everything hurt but it wasn’t long until the pills worked its wonders. There was no pain, no The One Who Waits taunting him, no nightmares. Only the pull to his eternal sleep.
When he opened his eyes, he was suddenly in a field of endless flowers. The sky was clear and the breeze felt calming. It took him a moment when he realized where he was until a familiar voice called out to him from behind.
“Nari?”