Chapter Text
Time passes slowly when night comes over the convenience store. Leaning over the counter, Giyu lets himself get lost in his thoughts, hoping that it’ll make time crawl by faster. He isn’t sure if it’s because of the lack of customers, the darkness that’s hardly penetrated by the streetlights, or if this is the power of a higher being mocking him when he could be at home right now. Looking at the clock, he notes that it’s 10 pm and lets out a sigh of relief knowing that he only has two more hours of his shift left. However, dread rapidly fills him as he thinks of the busy day he has coming, full of deadlines and class times. He’s currently a senior in university and he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. Between maintaining a high gpa for his scholarship (and his own satisfaction), applying for internships, working a part-time job, and maintaining his art, he’s exhausted.
Letting out a groan, he makes himself stand up straight and makes sure to catch another glimpse of the clock, hoping that his lamenting filled up the space, only to feel crushing disappointment seeing that a couple of minutes had passed. He rubs at his eyes and feels his mind start to wander. He’s an art major right now. He’s always loved art and he loves to study it, but lately it’s been so hard. He’s in a creative rut with no end in sight.
Usually by this point in his shift, Giyu would be pulling out his small sketchbook and doodling something, but now, the thought of putting a pen to the paper feels like a herculean task. It disappoints him. Drawing and art have always been a way for him to vent or feel freedom, but now it feels restrictive.
Personal struggles aside, Giyu can never think of any ideas for his doodles. His art block has gotten worse tenfold due to the amount of terms he has to memorise for his art history lectures or the assigned drawings he has to do. His fingers itch to relieve himself of his stresses through his art, but his brain can’t comprehend anything he wants to do.
Letting out another pathetic groan, he subconsciously tries to take another peek at the clock when the jingle of the door opening catches his attention. A flash of white captures his eyes, and he knows what’s about to follow.
“Wow, busy night tonight, huh?”
Giyu hears from the door. He makes sure to put on his most uninterested face he could muster as he locks eyes with the man who entered the store. A deep sigh leaves him before he can stop it, “Hmm.”
The man at the door isn’t phased by the lack of response from Giyu and gracefully makes his way towards the counter and unceremoniously plants his hands down. “Oh, c’mon, Tomioka, don’t be like that towards your favourite customer,” the man said with an infuriating smirk on his face.
In front of Giyu is none other than Shinazugawa Sanemi. They’ve known each other since high school, having lived in the same area together, but never interacting with each other. Giyu doubts the white-haired man knows anything about him other than his last name. Once they graduated, Giyu thought nothing of it, thinking they would never see each other and would certainly never speak. However, during their last year of university, it all changed and Shinazugawa has been a thorn in his side ever since he started working here these last six months. They mix like oil and water. Shinazugawa is a regular at the shop and he makes it his mission to bother Giyu whenever they see each other. It started over a box of cigarettes that Shinazugawa wanted to buy and Giyu couldn’t stop the disgust that came out when he rang him up.
A scoff left Giyu’s lips, “To be my favourite, you would have to quit smoking, but we all know you’re too much of a fiend to stop that.” Shinazugawa rolled his eyes at the clear disdain that came through from Giyu’s voice.
“You got me, I guess. Lord knows that I’d rather be talking to anyone else right now,” Shinazugawa said with a frown.
“Don’t frown like that, Shinazugawa. You know you can’t afford any more wrinkles on your face,” Giyu said with a lilt in his voice, feeling the need to bother Shinazugawa.
Giyu, by nature, is quiet and unsociable, but something about Shinazugawa makes him want to fight back. Not like they actually hate each other, but it’s a little fun to let go of the facade he holds himself to.
Shinazugawa narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to say something, but he quickly shuts it and leaves for the fridges towards the back of the store. This leaves Giyu speechless. Usually, their interactions last for at least a couple of minutes, but this cutoff feels unnatural. Giyu suddenly feels bad, like he crossed the line with what he said. He knows they’ve said worse to each other before, but it doesn’t usually feel so bad like it does right now.
Giyu lets out a sigh as he watches Shinazugawa walk amongst the aisles. Truthfully, Giyu does want to get to know Shinazugawa better, but it feels like that ship has sailed a long time ago, given how all of their interactions are filled with hostility. In high school, Giyu saw the change happen firsthand with Shinazugawa. He noticed how he disappeared and how he came back with a litany of scars covering his body. He always had a couple of sharp and jagged scars on his arms, but when he came back, it was incomparable. The scars on his arms seemed to double and scars covered the right half of his face.
Giyu felt a bit intimidated by Shinazugawa even before he reappeared with all of those scars. He’s always been attractive, and despite what most people think, the scars that litter his body aren’t the part of Shinazugawa that intimidates him. It’s the way he always looks like he’s analysing the way people interact with him. Giyu hates that. He doesn’t want people to see how vulnerable he is and that’s why he tries to repel people by being silent and coming off as uninterested.
They aren’t friends, not in the slightest, but they aren’t exactly on horrible terms with each other. He thinks that his smoking habit is a bit gross, but Shinazugawa doesn’t seem like the worst person in the world, despite how annoying he is. They don’t know that much about each other, only that they go to the same university, which they found out by accident. Giyu was rushing to class one day and happened to cross paths with Shinazugawa going to a different building. They saw each other, but since they aren’t friends, no words or glances with hidden meanings were exchanged. They looked like strangers, like they don’t antagonise each other at least three times a week.
Giyu snaps out of his reverie when another ring of the door opening brings him back to the present and a man stumbles in. The man is clearly drunk, and Giyu is now more alert, keeping his posture ramrod straight to seem more authoritative. Giyu is used to dealing with the occasional drunk customer, but usually they come in to get more alcohol and they’re on their way, but this guy feels off. Giyu’s gut twists as an ugly smirk forms on the guy’s face as he begins to stagger towards him with his eyes freely roaming Giyu’s body.
Despite Giyu not taking the best care of himself, he knows he isn’t completely ugly, but the way this creep is staring at him makes his body feel foreign to him, a feeling he hasn’t felt in a long time. The confidence that Giyu is trying to carry is quickly faltering and it’s taking everything in him to not make himself smaller. A small part of him wishes that Shinazugawa would help him in this moment, but he knows that Shinazugawa would rather do anything than involve himself with something that doesn’t affect him.
The man stops directly in front of him and tries to coolly lean against the counter, “It’s a little dangerous having a pretty thing like you here alone, isn’t it?” Giyu grimaces at the alcohol laced breath that wafts over towards him. With his words alone, Giyu can’t tell if the man thinks he’s a man or a woman. He thinks that he passes pretty well and it’s especially easy when he’s in uniform, but he can’t help but feel insecure as the thought passes through his head.
“Oh, come on, sweetheart. Don’t play hard to get with me,” the man says once he notices that Giyu hasn’t said anything to him. He reaches across the counter and attempts to grab Giyu’s hand, which snaps him out of his thoughts. Giyu yanks his arm back and is appalled by the audacity of the man in front of me.
“Don’t touch me. Leave me alone and get out,” Giyu says out with as much disinterest as he could muster. He isn’t in the mood to be dealing with someone like this, he just wants to go home and sleep. However, just because he doesn’t want to deal with this doesn’t mean that he’s going to allow this man to talk to him however he wants.
The drunkard’s face turns a little red and a deep frown graces his face as he registers the words that Giyu says to him. “Don’t be a fucking bitch. Don’t fucking waste my time, I know you want me,” the man slurs out. A look of disgust flashes on Giyu’s face at the words and as he’s about to retort and threaten the man with the police, he notices a person behind the man.
“Hey, he said to leave him alone, so get the fuck out of here,” Shinazugawa’s voice cuts through the tense air like a knife. The tone in his voice has a feeling of finality to it. The drunkard whips around and is met with lilac, glowering eyes, intimidation fully on display with the plethora of facial scars to boot. Shinazugawa looks every bit of scary. He’s taller than the man and is more built, not something that this middle-aged man is capable of dealing with, especially not in this state.
The customer’s face pales as he fully takes in Shinazugawa’s stature and staggers back, but he doesn’t fully back down. “H-hey, I saw her first, get your own bitch,” the man spits out. Giyu feels himself shrink a little bit at the words being directed towards him. He’s about to say something again, but notices that Shinazugawa’s gaze darkens more and walks closer towards the man, filling the space between them.
“Before you say any other stupid words, that’s a man. I suggest you get out of here before things get really ugly,” Shinazugawa threatens as his eyes level with the man in front of him. Through his drunken haze, the man realises that Shinazugawa isn’t joking around and he throws a couple of insults towards him before he darts to the doors to make his escape.
It’s quiet and awkward between Giyu and Shinazugawa once the man leaves, neither of them knowing what to say to each other. Giyu knows that he has to thank him for saving his ass while he froze, but the words struggle to come out. His ego feels bruised from having to rely on someone else for help. He feels weak. Despite all of his efforts to come off as masculine, it still never seems to be enou-
“I hope you aren’t considering whatever the fuck that guy said,” Shinazugawa says with a harsh tone despite the look of concern in his eyes. Giyu opens his mouth to retort, but he finds himself unable to get the words out. He’d be lying if he tries to dispute what Shinazugawa said, so he just stays quiet while fiddling with his fingers.
Shinazugawa lets out a sigh as if he’s able to deduce Giyu’s answer just by his silence alone. “What time are you off tonight?” Shinazugawa asks Giyu.
Looking at the clock, Giyu notes that it’s nearing 11 now. Despite how hectic it’s felt, it still slowly crawls on. “I’m off at midnight tonight,” Giyu answers quickly, not entirely sure why Shinazugawa is asking or why he cares.
Shinazugawa let out a thoughtful hum and puts a couple of items on the counter to check out. Giyu looks at the items and waves him away, “Just take them, it’s fine.” There’s a piece of gratitude hidden in these words and Giyu hopes that Shinazugawa can pick up on it despite Giyu still not being able to get the actual words out. Shinazugawa gives him a once-over and nods his head. While gathering his items off the counter, Shinazugawa’s movements are a bit slow, almost like he’s thinking of what to say next to Giyu.
“Stay safe for the rest of your shift tonight, okay? I won’t always be here to save your ass,” Shinazugawa says once he has everything in his hands. It’s a snarky remark, but Giyu can decipher the care that’s laced throughout it. Giyu makes a noise of agreement, and before he knows it, he’s left alone again in the shop, only the resounding ding of the door opening fills up the space.
Once he knows that he’s fully alone, Giyu allows himself to let out the sigh that he didn’t know he was keeping in. He feels his body deflate as he tries to relax. He’s a bit on edge about the drunk man, but he knows that he’s at least gone for now and hopes that he never sees him again. His mind wanders back to that interaction, and before he can allow himself to spiral, he quickly whips out his sketchbook. He isn’t sure what he wants to draw, but he knows that he needs to distract himself with something.
The book feels heavier than it usually does, maybe the weight of his disappointment is rubbing off on the smooth covers of the book, filling the pages as his passion recedes. He flips open the book and goes to the next blank page that he has available. He pulls out a shitty pen and instinctually brings it down to the page, only to pause once he remembers that he has nothing to fuel his creativity anymore. Before dread fills him, Shinazugawa flashes in his mind. Giyu thinks about him. He would be easy to draw. He has sharp features with piercing eyes, long eyelashes, and scars that hold a story.
Before he knows it, his pen is moving by itself. Giyu allows himself to get lost in the shapes that take place in front of him. Soon enough, a familiar face is staring back at him, from the clench in his jaw to the white hair that is mostly out of his face, except for a small piece of his bangs that hangs in the middle of his face. It is so entirely Shinazugawa that Giyu begins to feel a little bit embarrassed with what he’s doing, but another part of him doesn’t care. This is the first time in months that he’s felt inspired enough to create anything and it feels good. Sure, it might be with the guy that he has a turbulent at best relationship with, but he relishes in it for now.
It reminds him of grade school crushes, the aspect of writing a crush's name over and over again on a piece of paper. Giyu doesn’t have a full-on crush on Shinazugawa, but he would be an idiot to deny that he is at least a little bit attracted to him. He continues to fill out the page with small details and shading, feeling a bit more confident in his abilities again. He takes a quick glance at the clock and notices that it’s 11:50. Shocked at how fast time has suddenly moved, he puts a couple of finishing touches on his drawing and packs away his sketchbook in his bag.
The door dings and he looks to see that his older coworker who works the overnight has come in a couple of minutes earlier. Relief floods through him at seeing a familiar face. He gives the older man a small smile and a wave. The older man starts a small conversation with Giyu and he replies in kind. Not enough to truly get to know the man, but enough to be casual and friendly. Once their small talk ends, Giyu makes a beeline for the door, feeling ecstatic about finally leaving his job.
It was an uneventful night until it took a turn and all Giyu wants to do is sleep off his anxieties and prepare himself for the busy day he has ahead of himself. As he takes a couple of steps, he’s stopped in his tracks when he notices a figure in the dimly lit area leaning against the wall of the convenience store. Giyu feels his hands begin to sweat as he thinks the drunkard never fully left and has been waiting for Giyu to finally be alone outside.
“It’s about damn time,” a voice drawls out. Giyu gulps and he tightens his hold on his bag, preparing himself to make a break for it. He hears a sigh being let out and he sees Shinazugawa walk out of the shadows and into the fully lit front of the store. Giyu feels himself unclench as he sees the familiar sight of Shinazugawa and a small warmth begins to flicker through his stomach before confusion takes over.
“What are you doing here?” Giyu asks with an incredulous tone, still feeling a bit of shock at the sight of Shinazugawa. Shinazugawa lets out a hum at the question and does a once-over at Giyu, except this time, it doesn’t make Giyu recoil.
“I was still around and remembered that you said you get out at midnight, so I decided to wait,” Shinazugawa answers back unconvincingly. Truthfully, the answer makes Giyu feel a little weird. It is an obvious lie, Shinazugawa doesn’t sound sure of himself. Giyu wonders if Shinazugawa is worried about him because of earlier, but that doesn’t sound right to him, considering the type of relationship the two of them have with each other. However, Giyu doesn’t have any fight left in him for the night and decides not to question whatever motive Shinazugawa has.
“Hm, well, here I am. Now, I’m going home and going to bed,” Giyu says as he starts to move forward again. After a couple of steps, he hears some footsteps behind him and quickly stops and turns around to see Shinazugawa following him. Instead of telling him to leave him alone, the thought of having a late-night walk with Shinazugawa is enough to make him feel a little giddy inside. Giyu keeps his mouth shut and waits for Shinazugawa to catch up with him. He does feel a little cheeky and tilts his head in question with a small smirk on his face that is quickly replaced with a chuckle. He turns back around to continue his walk home, only this time Shinazugawa is in step with him.
It’s silent for a couple of minutes, both of them not knowing what to say. It isn’t an awkward silence, but it isn’t exactly comforting either. The buzzing of the streetlights, bugs chirping, and the sound of their footsteps on the concrete are what fill the silence for them. An untold conversation between two people who don’t know each other, spending their night together.
Giyu is usually more than okay with silence, but something about this feels different. He isn’t used to the suffocating silence that follows the two of them, specifically. Whenever he lacks in a conversation at the store, Shinazugawa is always the one to fill the silence with whatever nonsense he spews. Being this quiet with him is unnerving and Giyu doesn’t know how to feel about it.
“Soooooo… what do you have going on lately?” Giyu asks, internally cringing at how uncomfortable the question sounded. It’s a long shot that Shinazugawa will even engage in this conversation, but Giyu wants to at least try. Shinazugawa doesn’t reply for a couple of moments, probably trying to figure out if Giyu actually cares or if he’s going to tease him about something.
“Just school and working. Occasionally going out to a certain convenience store. What about you?” Shinazugawa answers back a bit hesitantly, not wanting to be completely open with Giyu.
Surprise fills Giyu when he hears Shinazugawa answer him, albeit it sounds a little reluctant, but it’s an actual conversation, something they’ve hardly had. “Same as you, just school and work. Trying to keep myself together,” Giyu says, feeling this conversation ending just as quickly as it started.
Giyu regrets opening his mouth because now that this conversation has failed, their not-so-awkward silence is now horribly awkward. The two have nothing to say to each other, not even a ‘great weather we’ve been having’ can save them. Looking down at the ground, Giyu tries to distract himself by kicking a couple of rocks while he’s walking, and after a couple of kicks, he’s already bored. He decides to give one last hard kick to the rock he’s currently kicking, but he misses his mark and kicks Shinazugawa instead, making both of them stop in their tracks.
Shinazugawa is staring at him with murderous intent in his eyes, shock colouring his face, not expecting Giyu would kick him like that. Despite it being an accident, the look on Shinazugawa’s face makes him chuckle a little bit, which only outrages Shinazugawa even more. “What the fuck was that for?” Shinazugawa asks, his temper peaking through his words.
Between small laughs, Giyu tries to get the words out, “I’m sorry, I swear that was an accident. I was just kicking rocks and I missed.” Shinazugawa gives him an unbelieving stare and mutters a simple ‘idiot’ under his breath and playfully pushes Giyu a bit farther away from him and continues to walk.
After taking a couple of moments to collect his composure, he quickly catches back up to Shinazugawa and takes note of their surroundings. They’re almost to his apartment, which is conveniently right in the middle of his job and their university. He has no idea where Shinazugawa lives and feels a bit bad that Shinazugawa is walking all this way with him.
“Where do you live?” Giyu blurts out to Shinazugawa against his better judgment. Shinazugawa looks at Giyu with a puzzled look on his face. “Wait, wait, I don’t mean it like that, obviously. I just feel a bit bad because I don’t want you going out of your way for this,” Giyu tries to quickly amend.
“Don’t worry about it, I live this way, too. More convenient for school,” Shinazugawa answers back easily, seemingly convinced by Giyu’s amendment.
“So we’re neighbours,” Giyu says, trying to keep the mood light between them. Shinazugawa glances at Giyu, giving off enough of his disinterest in Giyu’s jokes. Silence soon follows them again, but this time, the two are lulled into a sense of comfort. Giyu sees his building coming into view and prepares to tell Shinazugawa that they will finally be parting, but Shinazugawa beats him to the punch.
“I’m not sure how much farther you live, but this is my place. You’ll be able to get home without me, right?” Shinazugawa asks while pointing to a dark grey building that’s right next to Giyu’s.
The confirmation is stuck in Giyu’s throat once he realises what building Shinazugawa is pointing at. “I was kidding about being neighbours, but we really are,” Giyu says incredulously whilst pointing to his white apartment building.
Shinazugawa lets out a huff of amusement at the stupid coincidence of them living right next to each other. Giyu has lived here for over a year, but has somehow never seen Shinazugawa, not that he’s ever really paying attention, though. It scares him a little bit, he doesn’t know if he wants to see Shinazugawa more than he has to.
The two of them part and are at the doorsteps of their respective apartment buildings.
“Well, thanks for tonight, I guess,” Giyu says while he reaches for the door handle, silently thanking every higher power that he’s finally home after this disastrous day. He opens the door as soon as the words leave his mouth and is about to walk in before he hears a soft ‘goodnight’ from his left. He stutters in his walk, but quickly recovers and walks into the lobby as he feels his face heat up from the tender tone he heard from Shinazugawa, not knowing the other man was capable of such gentleness.
Moving himself away from the door and deeper into the lobby, Giyu slowly ascends the stairs, his body feeling like lead as he pushes one leg in front of the other. Once he gets to his apartment, he fiddles with his keys, not able to find his doorkey in the mess of keychains he carries with him. Finally finding it, he opens the door and walks in, basking in the safety of his own apartment. He drops his keys into the little dish next to the door and kicks off his shoes.
As he walks to his room, his body feels more tired with every step and once he makes it, it takes everything in him to not let his tired body collapse on the bed. He lazily sets his bag on the floor and gets clothes ready for his shower that he’s forcing himself to take, wanting to wash away the troubles of the day.
As he steps back out into the hallway and into the bathroom, he quickly glances at the room at the other end of the hallway, seeing that the lights are off. He feels good knowing that his roommate is home, safe, and asleep. But also, he relishes in the silence that follows in the apartment for now, knowing that once his roommate wakes up, the silence is gone with him.
Getting himself into the bathroom and situating his stuff on the counter, he quickly turns the water on hot and sheds his clothing. Despite how comfortable he is with his body at this point, he doesn’t like to linger too long without clothes on and jumps in the shower. He makes quick work of washing his hair and the rest of his body, trying not to think of the words the drunkard said earlier as he washes himself.
Every touch to his body feels like a reminder of who he is and he isn’t sure if he can stomach this thought process right now.
Shutting off the water, he gets out and quickly grabs his towel to dry himself off, wanting to get dressed as fast as he can. But something in him compels him to wipe at the foggy mirror. Seeing himself appear in full with the mist edging around his reflection makes him feel weird. He doesn’t feel disgust when he sees himself now, but he isn’t exactly comfortable with the body he has. Too soft, too curvy, too feminine. He’s thankful that he has small breasts, something easy to hide away from people. He looks at his hair, noticing that it’s getting longer. He can’t remember the last time he got a haircut, but this feels like something he can’t part with. He knows that it makes it harder for him to pass with his long hair that accentuates his feminine facial features, but he can’t find it in himself to care about it.
In high school, when he first came out, he cut his hair short after having long hair for his entire life, and it felt wrong. It wasn’t him. Nothing about him felt like him. His body felt foreign and his hair was the only thing that felt like comfort to him. Since then, he hasn’t drastically cut his hair and only opting for small trims here and there.
Letting out a sigh, he looks at himself one more time before getting his clothes on. But all he could think about is how pretty he would be as a girl.
Bringing a hand to his face, he groans, not believing that he allowed himself to fall down the dysphoric hole when he should already be in bed by now. Dropping his hand, he brushes his teeth and flosses before he quickly grabs all of his old clothes from the floor and makes his way back to his room. Finally back in the comfortable four walls he’s come to know, he drops his dirty clothes into a basket, turns his lights off, and practically dives into bed. He sets his alarms and puts his phone to charge. Lying on his back in the darkness of his room, he feels a sense of comfort wash over him. Letting his body sink into the comfortable bed and glances towards the window, seeing where a small glimmer of light lets itself through the darkness.
The lighting reminds him of how Shinazugawa stepped out of the shadows after waiting for him to get out of work. Giyu feels his face warm up at the thought of Shinazugawa tonight. He didn’t have to help him at all at work or after his shift ended, but he was there. Giyu isn’t sure what he should feel. He knows they aren’t friends, but tonight felt different. Tonight felt like he saw a different side of Shinazugawa that he didn’t know existed. His mind brings him back to when Shinazugawa defended him and outright called him a ‘man’. Giyu didn’t know a gesture like that could warm him in such a way, but remembering the way that Shinazugawa said it is enough to wipe his dysphoric thoughts away for the night.
Letting out a sigh and dragging a hand down his face, he knows he has to get himself together. He and Shinazugawa aren’t friends, but he is feeling warm at the thought of the white haired man. No, he can’t allow himself to actually have a crush on Shinazugawa, that is where he draws the line. Shinazugawa was being nice tonight and that’s all that was, nothing more, nothing less.
Giyu forces himself to shut his eyes and wills himself to try and sleep. He needs to be awake in five hours and he’s not going to waste any more time thinking about someone that shouldn’t be more than an acquaintance at best. Giyu slowly drifts off into sleep and hopes he wakes up not thinking about a certain scarred, white haired man.