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Odysseus missed a lot of things in his time away from home. Of course there was his wife and son –and the rest of his family– but other things too. His bed, his palace, the woods he knew like the back of his hand, Ithaca as a whole. He missed his life.
What he notably did not miss was all the endless meetings.
The one he was attending wasn’t agonizing, but it was boring. Boring enough that even the members of the council had gotten distracted from whatever the original topic was. Telemachus’ presence –he had started to attend more and more meetings lately– was able to stave off some feelings of boredom, but the tedium of it all was still a drag on his mind. He would much rather be making fond memories with his son than being right next to him as they were both subjected to whatever idle gossip, a kind normally reserved for maids and young maidens, some of the most powerful men in the kingdom were passing around.
“If we’re getting so off topic,” Telemachus eventually cut in, “perhaps we can end the meeting now?”
As much as Odysseus wanted to be proud of his boy for showing initiative –and seemingly showing that he was not the only one who would rather do anything else– he knew that it unfortunately wouldn’t be that simple to end things.
“Now that you mention that, your highness,” one of the men began, words that got Odysseus to actually pay full attention, “there is one matter that really should have been brought up with you a while ago that we have been discussing.”
“A matter about my son that you’ve been discussing without me? This should be good.” Odysseus said flatly.
“Your majesty,” another man said, “we mean no disrespect to you for having not discussed this with you. In fact, the only reason why we didn’t was because we wanted to address this to both of you simultaneously.”
“Speak then.”
“Well, since your return, most affairs in Ithaca have gone back to running as normal.” a third man said, “Life in the kingdom has become as one would expect. However, the same is not true within the castle.”
“If this is an issue you have with my son, I would rather not waste time dancing around the point.”
“My king,” the first man exhaled, “we simply mean to bring up the matter of the prince’s future.”
With that last word, Odysseus could just barely notice tenseness be planted in Telemachus. It was subtle, so subtle that he doubted any of the councilmen noticed, but he certainly did. After all, he had learned that Telemachus and Penelope had several mirrored reactions to certain things. Of course he also shared some quirks with his son but in the matters of emotional responses, his boy took after his wife in most cases.
“We understand that there were extenuating circumstances that have delayed him.” a fourth man said, feigning assurance, “And we do not think that there have been any true issues. We simply think that now that things have returned to normal with it having been more than a year since your return, focus should be given to making sure that our prince is on the right track.”
“By extenuating circumstances do you mean my absence from his life or the men who were allowed to infest my halls during said absence?” Odysseus asked, raising an eyebrow and not caring at all to hide exactly what he felt towards whatever they were going to say.
The fourth man started to reply, before shutting his mouth, just as Odysseus hoped he would. Unfortunately, that allowed the third to talk again.
“To put it plainly, as you so clearly desire, we are simply curious if you and the prince have started to consider the subject of his marriage.”
Telemachus seemed so spooked by that that he moved back in his chair ever so slightly. Odysseus could see something he had no words for in the eyes of his son but given where they were, there was nothing he could do about it directly. So he did the next best thing and went for the ones instilling such feelings.
“Marriage?” Odysseus repeated.
“Yes, marriage.” the second said with a nod, “As he is your only heir with there seeming to be no indication of any more to come, a marriage being secured at his age would seem to make sense. The boy is in his twenty-third year, six years older than you were when you began the pursuit of your wife.”
“I was also made king at thirteen. I’m hardly the model for when my son must accomplish such milestones. He can get married to who he wants to when he wants to.”
“You were gone for twenty years, your majesty.” the first man said.
“I’m aware. Likely more so than any of you, contrary to what you may think since you apparently have so many feelings about the lives of my family and I.”
“In that time the relationships between Ithaca and other kingdoms-”
“Were maintained by my wife. Quite well, I may add.”
“But they could be strengthened by your son marrying one of the many options that exist.” the third man said, “We of course do not think this process should be rushed, we just wanted to ensure that it was a matter you knew we have been paying attention to.”
“Precisely.” the fourth man nodded, “We are well aware of the way things proceeded with you and your wife and we can only imagine you’d want the same for your only child.”
“Ithaca is prospering more than it had even before you had to leave for war and we’d be fools to not acknowledge that that is thanks to not just your return but also all that your son has done and has continued to do.”
“Things that would make anyone see him as a good option for marriage.” the first man added, “We have no doubts in our mind that your son will be a very desirable suitor when the time comes.”
As soon as the councilman finished his sentence, it was like the temperature in the room dropped. Odysseus studied the faces of all the men in the room, seeing who could and couldn’t feel it. Most of them could, but he knew some of them couldn’t. He certainly felt it.
And it only took a single glance to know that it felt coldest of all for Telemachus.
“Excuse me?”
“He seems to have already built up quite the relationship with Pylos. We’re sure Nestor would love to give one of his daughters to him.”
“I doubt he’d even have to do any formal suit.” one of the other men chuckled, finally speaking up for whatever reason.
“And even if he just went for a wealthy but not royal family, any father would love him.” another said.
“I wish the types of men who want to be suitors for my daughter were like the prince.” a man laughed.
“No suitor would ever be like him. That’s what would make him so valuable of an asset.” yet another man pointed out.
“Thus why these things must take time.” the first man to speak said.
“Frankly no matter how long it takes, I just think Ithaca could use something relating to a marriage suit going well.” the third man to speak whispered far too loudly.
Odysseus stood up. Not fast or violently, simply standing. And yet the almost calm sound of his chair sliding against the floor was all it took for the room to go silent, all eyes on him. He stared out at the noblemen. And he held their gaze. None of them dared look away from him.
Even as there was the sound of a chair clattering from being stood up from far too fast next to Odysseus, followed by sandals slapping against stone and a door quickly opening and closing.
“I think we’ve gotten rather off topic, have we not?” Odysseus said simply.
There was a murmur of agreements and a few nods, so Odysseus sat back down.
“Are there any other issues that must be discussed?” Odysseus asked, pausing but getting no response, “Very well then. I think we’ve rambled on long enough. But before you leave, let me tell you all that the next time you have an issue with how I am letting my son live his life, you will bring it up with me. It is your job to be able to speak for the people of Ithaca, a job that frankly my son is better at than all of you. So you do your jobs, and I will do mine. Not only as his father, but as all of yours’ king. Good day.”
Odysseus said nothing more before getting up from his seat, righting his son’s, and then leaving. He could care less about any formalities. That wasn’t his most important job at the moment. His most important job was finding his son.
His most important job was being a father.
Odysseus figured the most logical place to check would be his son’s bedroom, so he went there first, opening the door and just barely remembering to knock as he did; even if he had been home for over a year he was still having to remind himself of concepts like “personal privacy”, a fact that had led to some less than great moments between him and his son in a variety of ways.
“Telemachus?” Odysseus called out into the empty seeming room.
Odysseus heard the sound of a bump and a soft swear followed by Telemachus emerging from the side of his bed that he wasn’t able to see from the doorway.
“Hi f-father.” Telemachus stammered, face flushed in embarrassment as he seemed highly fidgety, “Um, how did the rest of the meeting go?”
“I ended it.” Odysseus said simply, closing the door behind him.
“Closing the door? Do you, um, have something you want to talk about? If so, it can probably wait until later, right?”
“Why were you under your bed?”
“I was just looking for something, it’s no big deal.” Telemachus quickly said, moving away from his bed and slightly towards Odysseus, even as his eyes kept darting back to it, “Anyways I bet you probably have things to do if you were so eager to end the meeting.”
“I ended it so I could make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine!” Telemachus said, quickly noticing he spoke far too loudly, “I mean, um, I’m fine. Fine.”
“Are you? You can tell me if something is bothering you, my bo-”
“Really da- father, it’s no big deal. I’m just overreacting.”
“Still, I would like to talk to you about it.” Odysseus said, starting to walk over to Telemachus’ bed, “Why don’t we both sit down and-”
“Don’t!”
Odysseus paused just before he could sit on Telemachus’ bed, raising an eyebrow at the sense of panic in his voice, which got Telemachus to look even more embarrassed, crossing his arms over his chest like he was trying to take up as little space as possible.
“Apologies. I didn’t mean to intrude in your space.”
“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It was stupid, erm, unnecessary of me to have a reaction that…”
“Extreme?” Odysseus offered, being able to tell by the look in his son’s eyes that he was looking for the right word.
“No, not that.”
“Severe?”
“No, not that either. It’s- it’s the word for when something doesn’t make sense.”
“Oh, irrational?”
“Yes! I didn’t need to have such an irrational reaction.”
“Are you feeling alright, son?” Odysseus asked, taking a step towards him.
“I’m doing great. You know, all that, um, suitor talk got to me a little bit.” Telemachus said, stepping backwards.
“I can understand why. You don’t need to feel ashamed about your reaction. You’re still a growing boy, after all.”
“I’m an adult!” Telemachus shot back, sounding far more tense than actually angry, “I’m an adult and- and I can do adult things and I should be able to handle some dumb jerks.”
“Well I wouldn’t call them “dumb jerks” but I can see why you’d view them that way.” Odysseus said with a slight chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.
“But I’m not supposed to, right?” Telemachus said, expression shifting to almost pleading.
“I don’t see why you can’t, at least now. Maybe later in life, sure, but by then there’ll be new people. And maybe they’ll be new dumb jerks, or maybe they’ll be smart and nice. Like you.” Odysseus said with a soft smile, taking a step towards Telemachus.
Telemachus took another step away from him, looking down at the ground. But even with his gaze cast downwards, Odysseus could still see the tears welling up in his eyes.
“Stop it.” Telemachus said, voice sounding weak, his throat tight.
“Stop what? Telemachus, if I am doing something that’s hurting you-”
“Stop acting like- like I’m allowed to feel this way…f-father.”
“Oh my sweetest joy,” Odysseus exhaled, getting Telemachus to look at him again with his tear-filled eyes, “I would never tell you that you cannot feel the way you’d like too.”
Telemachus looked at him, processing his words, and took a shaky breath before reaching out to him as he all but collapsed forward. Odysseus quickly moved to catch him, lowering them down to the ground as Telemachus clung onto him as he cried far more openly and intensely than Odysseus had even seen from him, or any young man around his age.
“They were so scary, dad!” Telemachus sobbed, “They were scary and mean and- and they wouldn’t shut up! I couldn’t do anything about them because I’m not strong like you and I know I’ll never be strong like you. And they know it too. That’s why they say things about the- the you know. They want to remind me. They want to make me feel…small. And they do. Every time, they do. I hate them, dad. I hate them so much.”
Odysseus held Telemachus close and secure, practically holding him in his lap as he let him sob into him. Not only had he not expected such a sudden outburst of emotion, but he hadn’t expected his son to suddenly be acting so…young. He was still the same physically, it was just how he acted that was different. He had seemed mentally off-center the entire time they had been interacting, but acting as though he had the mind of a child was something else entirely. Although, Odysseus realized, it was possible that he had been acting off-center because he was trying to not act like a child. And based on what seemed to have gotten him to express himself freely, he was likely doing so out of the fear that Odysseus would respond negatively. And Odysseus could admit that his confusion wasn’t exactly a positive response, but he was lost on why feeling stressed was making his son act like a young boy.
But…he still was a young boy, was he not? At least relatively speaking. More than that, he was his son. His son. His son. And in that moment, holding his little boy in his arms like he had dreamed of doing so many years ago, he knew what Telemachus needed.
He didn’t need his father to tell him that any problems would be solved.
He just needed his dad to tell him that he was safe.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m right here Tele.” Odysseus soothed, softening his tone like he was talking to a child, lightly petting his boy’s hair, “Your dad is right here for you. Those mean scary men won’t be able to get you here.”
“‘m sorry I ran.” Telemachus mumbled into his himation, tears still falling.
“Why are you sorry, kiddo? You didn’t want to be there, did you?”
“Wasn’t brave of me. ‘m s’possed to be brave and strong and stuff.”
“Not all the time. Your dad gets scared sometimes too. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be brave and strong all the time. But even right now, you’re still being brave.”
“No ‘m not.” Telemachus huffed.
“Oh? You aren’t?”
“Crying isn’t brave.”
“Hm. And who told you that?” Odysseus asked, still keeping his voice calm.
Telemachus didn’t answer, even hiding his face from Odysseus by all but burying his face in his chest. But that was all Odysseus needed to know exactly who made his boy think such things. And even if he couldn’t do much to them –he had already thoroughly taken care of that– he could still always do more for Telemachus.
“Well, none of them were you dad, were they?”
Telemachus quickly shook his head, though still keeping his face hidden, and Odysseus couldn’t help but smile down at him
“Then as your dad who has far more authority than they ever did, I say that crying is brave. You’re letting your emotions show, even if they make you seem vulnerable. And it’s okay to be vulnerable! You letting yourself cry around me lets me know just how much you trust me. There isn’t a single doubt in my mind right now about if you trust me.”
“So…you’re not upset?” Telemachus asked, moving his head just enough to be able to look up at Odysseus.
“The only thing upsetting me right now is that a bunch of dumb old meanies thought that they could speak about my little joy in such thoughtless ways like he wasn’t there hearing what they said. And trust me, they won’t be saying anything like that ever again, especially in front of you.”
“Did you do something to them?”
“Physically? No. But I think that they know that if they don’t listen to me…well, you get what I’m saying, I’d imagine. You are such a smart boy, after all.”
“You don’t need to be so nice to me.” Telemachus said with a soft chuckle, moving back more, though still staying in Odysseus’ lap, and wiping his eyes with his wrists as if his hands were much bigger than they actually were.
“Oh I absolutely think that I do. I can’t have my smart, brave, kind, incredible kiddo doubt just how much his dad loves and cares about him. Even when he’s feeling hard feelings.”
“Everything just feels so…big sometimes.” Telemachus sighed.
“I can tell. But- but you’re allowed to feel small sometimes, if that helps you deal with it.” Odysseus said, pausing for a moment before raising a curious eyebrow, “Does it?”
“Yeah. It does. I, um, normally would go to mama…or ‘Thena.”
“Oh. Alright. Do you…want me to get either of them?” Odysseus slowly asked, still trying to figure out how best to navigate the situation.
“No!” Telemachus quickly said, “No. I like you. You…make me feel protected. You’re so big and strong and cool and- and I know how much you love me. How much you fight for me.”
“Of course I’d fight for you! You’re my little boy. As your dad it’s my job to keep you as safe as possible. And comfortable too. Now, I can see you’re nice and cozy on your old man’s lap, but would you like me to move you to your bed? I bet that’ll be much more comfortable.”
“Will you still stay with me?”
Odysseus exhaled with a smile and gently cupped his boy’s cheek, feeling a warmth inside him as he leaned into the touch so easily, not hesitating or restraining himself.
“Always, my Telemachus.”
Odysseus readjusted his arms, allowing him to scoop Telemachus and start carrying him over to the bed. Telemachus’ arms quickly wrapped around his neck for support, but that allowed Odysseus to overdramatically kiss his cheek, getting Telemachus to start laughing adorably in a way Odysseus hadn’t heard in all his time back. No, not laughing, giggling. He was actually getting to hear his son giggle as he held him in his arms. It had barely changed from when he was an infant.
He never dreamed he’d get to hear it again.
Odysseus set Telemachus down in his bed –for a moment he thought about tossing him into bed like he would Ctimene when they were younger, but he didn’t want to jostle Telemachus around too much when he might still be emotional– and while his impulse was to join him, he paused, remembering how strongly Telemachus had reacted when he tried to just sit on the edge before. But Telemachus scooted over and looked up at him so expectantly, which Odysseus took as permission and sat down next to him, staying close.
“So…what would you like to do?”
As much as Odysseus had spent years fantasizing about being a father, he didn’t actually know how to be a good parent for a child. He was forced to be an adult at the age of thirteen, any memories of his father were tainted, his sister wasn’t that much younger than him, and he simply…hadn’t needed to interact with children much in life. He could hold an infant well enough and was able to do what he needed to for his young adult son, but he had never needed to care for someone of the age that Telemachus seemed to feel like he was at that moment. As such he was truly just doing the best he could and figured that the way to do that would be seeing what Telemachus wanted, what Telemachus needed, and running with that.
“When you came in I really was looking for something. But…I can’t find him.”
“Oh? Who is he?”
“Just a stuffed dog that ‘Thena made me. Nothing special.” Telemachus said, though Odysseus could see a hint of nervousness behind his eyes.
“Alright. I can see if I can find him, if you’d like. He’s under your bed?”
“Y-yeah. I…don’t want people to see him most of the time. So they don’t think ‘m a little kid or something.”
“Well you’re my little kid and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a friend.”
Telemachus smiled at him and Odysseus got out of the bed and looked underneath, finding a fair amount of clutter. But after moving a few things around –mostly scrolls, assumed childhood keepsakes, and even a weapon or two that absolutely should not have been haphazardly shoved under a bed– Odysseus found a plush dog-like shape that he pulled out. Odysseus wanted to get a good look at it but the moment he held it up Telemachus snatched it from him and held it tightly, looking mostly just happy to have it but also slightly protective. Odysseus didn’t comment on it and just got back into the bed, pulling Telemachus into his side with an arm wrapped around him, though making sure to not touch the plush toy.
“So, does he have a name?” Odysseus asked.
Telemachus looked at him, back at the plush, back at him, and then again back to the plush and whispered something quiet enough that Odysseus couldn’t quite hear.
“What was that? Can you speak up for me a little, champ?”
Telemachus held the plush tighter and turned away from him, even moving away slightly. A sense of concern started to fill Odysseus and the feeling of being lost was only growing.
“Hey, I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.” Odysseus quickly said, trying to simultaneously give his boy space but also make sure he knew he was there for him.
“Don’t…don’t call me that.” Telemachus softly said, his voice tight.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you don’t like being called that. You’re allowed to not like things, little joy. I just need to know.”
“I like most things.” Telemachus said, pausing for a moment before moving close to Odysseus again, though not looking at him, “I like being your little joy.”
“I’m glad you do, because it’s true.” Odysseus said, kissing the top of Telemachus’ head, “What other things do you like? Not just what you like to be called, anything.”
“Oh! Um, well,” Telemachus began, perking up, a smile starting to come back, “I like you, I like mama, and I like ‘Thena. But those are obvious.”
“Super obvious.” Odysseus nodded encouragingly.
“I like talking and being close to the people I like. I like it when mama sings and when I get to watch her weave. I like it when ‘Thena plays games with me!”
“The goddess…plays games with you?”
“Yeah! She has a big map of everything and a bunch of toy figures that she claims aren’t toys but absolutely are and we compete as different armies trying to take over everything but not only do you have to be strong you also have to convince the other person why you should win. She claims that it’ll make me smarter but I know that she just doesn’t understand any games she didn’t make herself.”
“Okay. That’s- that’s great that our- your- that the goddess is able to keep you so entertained.” Odysseus stammered, having still not gotten used to his son’s apparent friendship with Athena and having certainly not wrapped his head around the goddess being able to take care of his son while in a childish state of mind considering the way she treated him as a child.
“But like I said, I also like being close to people. Like you! You’re so nice and warm and- and are so good with words.”
“Well I’m happy to be of service.” Odysseus said with a slight chuckle, “Though the goddess and your mama are good at words too, you know.”
“But you’re different! You do words all the time! Mama only uses words when she has to and ‘Thena only uses words when it’s smart.”
“So I use words when it’s dumb?” Odysseus teased.
“Not like that.” Telemachus said, sounding as exasperated as he could in his state, which still sounded as adorable, “You use words all the time because you know how to.”
“I think you know how to use words too.”
“Not always. They’re hard sometimes.”
“A lot of things are hard sometimes.” Odysseus nodded, “And I wasn’t always so good at words. It came with age. I was not very skilled with words when I was a little boy like you.”
“You weren’t?”
“Nope. Oh you wouldn’t believe the things I tried to get away with. Even when I was older I wasn’t always the most convincing. The fact that Penelope allowed me to adopt a stray so shortly after she found out she was pregnant is shocking and I’m sure it’s only the fact that I argued that you would like having a dog around that she was convinced.”
“That’s how you got Argos?” Telemachus asked, looking up at Odysseus in awe.
“It sure was.”
“Well the story behind this Argos is much simpler.” Telemachus said confidently, looking at the plush dog in his arms.
“Oh. That’s his name?”
“Yeah! ‘Thena made him for me after Argos went away because she knew that Argos was the first one to be there for me when I, you know, started to get like this.”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” Odysseus said, quickly trying to change the topic, “how did all of this…start?”
“It’s…complicated.” Telemachus exhaled, his voice changing to sound closer to how it normally did.
“Then you don’t have to talk about it, kiddo.” Odysseus assured, gently ruffling his hair, “We can talk about anything you want to!”
“Anything?” Telemachus asked, a slight smirk, sounding younger again.
“Anything.” Odysseus said with a smile.
To try and keep track of everything that Telemachus talked about would be a task that Odysseus doubted anyone would be able to complete. Thankfully, the only task that Odysseus had was to listen and engage with his boy for however long he needed. It was a weird feeling, having his son talk to him so openly for so long; they had talked plenty before, of course, but never so freely. There was always a sense of formality, a feeling of distance, that Odysseus hadn’t noticed until it wasn’t there. But even if the feeling was weird, it didn’t make him look back on every prior interaction with sadness from the realization of what he didn’t have, no, it just made him enjoy what he did have in that moment so much more. No matter how temporary it was, at least for a little while he had his boy in the way he only dreamed of.
At least for a little while, his boy would have his dad in the way he deserved.
Odysseus didn’t know how long they talked, but eventually Telemachus seemed to run out of words. Odysseus didn’t mind, of course, and let him stay curled up into him, resting his head on his chest, looking down at the plush- at Argos fondly, rubbing the soft fabric between his fingers as he let Odysseus keep him held close. The quiet lasted for a while and it was rather nice, but eventually it was broken as Telemachus let out a heavy exhale and started to sit up.
“Is something wrong, little j-”
“It’s fine, father.” Telemachus interrupted, his voice sounding how it normally did, “You don’t have to…it’s fine.”
“Alright. If you say so.” Odysseus said with a nod, sitting up properly, pausing for a moment before continuing, “Do you…want to talk about it?”
Telemachus looked down at the plush still in his arms, took a breath, then nodded.
“It started a little bit after the- the suitors arrived. I don’t know the best way to explain it even after having known about, um, this for four years now. It’s weird. They made me feel so weak and powerless even in my own home.”
“They made you feel small?”
“Exactly.” Telemachus sighed, “I wasn’t yet used to all the things they’d say about mom. Or me. And so one day when one of the suitors, Eurymachus, found me alone he…offered to make me his, um, his erômenos.”
“I hope that whichever suitor that was, I killed him harshly enough.” Odysseus said, tone darkening slightly whether he wanted it to or not, “Assuming you didn’t kill him, that is.”
“No, you killed him. When I was helping the maids and servants identify all the bodies I found him. You had done something to mess up his arms and assumedly stabbed him with an arrow.”
“Ah, yes, that one. Sorry for my interruption, please, continue.”
“No, it’s fine really. But, well, after he told me that I…don’t know what happened. I went to my room and I felt so helpless. Like a child. Everything was so big and out of my control. I didn’t know what to do. I guess I was so panicked that I didn’t close my door all the way because before I knew it Argos was there. I was crying in bed, curled up in my blankets like I was trying to block out the world, and he got into my bed and just…laid next to me. I barely even understood what happened but any time it happened again after that, he always found me and would lay next to me or in my lap if however I was positioned allowed it. And he helped a lot! He was able to calm me down and he listened to me and…he was there for me. When I thought nobody would be, he was there.”
Odysseus saw tears start to prick up in the corners of Telemachus’ eyes but before he could give any sort of comfort, Telemachus cleared his throat and wiped his eyes.
“Anyways, around halfway through the suitors being around, one of the suitors, I can’t remember which, was just going off on some gross fantasy about, um, giving me siblings so mom could at least have one child she’d be proud of.” Telemachus continued, saying the last part of that sentence seemingly as quickly as he could, “I don’t know why, but instead of going to my room, I went to mom. She was weaving and I knocked on her door. I- I couldn’t talk. So I knocked until she opened the door and it must have been obvious that I wasn’t doing okay because she let me in and let me sit next to her. I barely even said anything but from what little I did say, I know that she could figure out something was up. I guess it makes sense given that she raised me. And when I was normal again neither of us said anything about it, but then after it happened again we talked and were able to figure some things out. We even got me into that state a few times voluntarily which helped make the involuntary times less…”
“Hard?”
“Scary.”
“Ah.”
“And things continued. It was nice to gain some understanding over it and to have some breaks from, well, thinking. Then you came home, killed all the suitors, and I figured that once the suitors were gone, it wouldn’t happen again. And then…fuck, it’s hard to explain.”
“That’s okay, you can take your time.”
“No, it’s hard to explain because- because sometimes when it’s serious enough I don’t even remember everything that happens while I’m in that state. And there’s one day where I was just training with Athena like normal, everything got fuzzy, and next thing I knew I was curled up with her as she held me close with her wings around me. She never even told me all the details of what happened.”
“That sounds like her.” Odysseus huffed, trying, and failing, to keep all bitterness out of his tone.
“Not like that. She won’t admit it but I don’t think she fully registered what all happened. She was too busy trying to figure out what to do than anything else. She actually handled things pretty well afterwards. She seemed a little uneasy, but I think she was just scared of screwing up. Like you.”
Odysseus opened his mouth to respond but decided it would be better to not, closing his mouth and simply nodding. Thankfully that was the proper response as Telemachus softly chuckled and his eyes, his face, even his very posture, lightened.
“And also like you, I had been trying to hide it from her. I thought that if she knew, she would see me as…less? I thought she’d think I was weaker. I thought she’d be disappointed.”
“And she wasn’t.” Odysseus said calmly.
“She wasn’t! And yet even after that, I still felt like I had to hide it from you.”
“Did you think that I would be disappointed?”
“I thought you’d be…”
Telemachus trailed off again, but Odysseus the look in his eyes was easy to recognize.
It looked exactly like the one Penelope had described him having whenever he too didn’t want to say what he knew he’d have to.
“I thought you’d be sad.” Telemachus softly said, “I thought it’d just make you think of everything you weren’t able to see, do. And I thought that if I went into a state where I acted like a child again, it would be too sad, too confusing for it to be worth it. Because I knew I’d have to do this level of explanation! And I thought that it wouldn’t even be worth it because you’d just be so busy feeling bad about yourself and acting like you aren’t to say anything.”
“I suppose I can understand why you’d think that. But Telemachus, my boy, my son,” Odysseus began, taking Telemachus’ hand, “I’m not sad. I will admit that I don’t fully understand this, but I’m willing to learn if you would like me to. Because I would like to. I want to understand you, to know you. You have no idea just how proud and honored I am that you are not just able but willing to articulate all of this.”
“I’ve been thinking about how I’d go about explaining it if someone- if you found out ever since Athena learned about it.” Telemachus said with a slight shrug, his face flushing slightly.
“And you did a very good job.”
“You don’t have to keep praising me.” Telemachus said, though he seemed more flustered than any actual annoyed feeling.
“You deserve my praise all the time, not just when you’re, um, feeling smaller.”
Telemachus softly chuckled, pet Argos, and then set the plush down before moving closer to Odysseus and gently hugging him.
“You’re doing great, father.”
Odysseus hugged him back on instinct, but his mind was so completely focused on what Telemachus had told him that he was nowhere close to thinking of a response.
Thankfully, he didn’t have to.
“I’m glad you’re not going to miss anything else.”
Odysseus softly chuckled, and pulled Telemachus slightly closer.
“You’re right. I won’t.”
Telemachus tucked his head in the crook of Odysseus’ neck.
“Not anymore.”