Archive of Our Own

My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue

All’s well that ends well to end up with you

🍂

Johnny knew autumn was finally in full force when he woke up feeling a little chilly, the tip of his toes freezing as they peeked from under the duvet. He felt his bones cracking a bit as he turned around in bed, trying to find a more comfortable—and warmer—position. When you’re past forty, you become less immune to the cold, it seems. He should have listened to Kun and cranked the heater a little higher last night.

The aforementioned guy was still deep in slumber, seemingly undisturbed by the dropping temperature. But well, to be fair, he was almost entirely covered by the blanket, with only the top of his head peeking out. Johnny peeled the duvet a little, chuckling when he noticed Kun scrunching his nose, burrowing closer to him as the cold morning air caressed his cheek.

“Mmmh, Johnny, cold,” Kun mumbled in annoyance, yanking his husband closer, seeking warmth.

Johnny happily complied, throwing his arms around the shorter guy, rubbing his back. It was very quiet, and a glance at the clock told him that it was barely seven in the morning, on a weekend on top of that. They have time to spare, time to enjoy the cold and serene morning together.

“Better?”

“Only if I can go back to sleep,” Kun mumbled, a little muffled since his face was half smushed against the front of Johnny’s pajamas.

Johnny spared his husband some mercy, keeping his mouth shut and rubbing Kun’s back again. It’s very rare that Kun doesn’t sprang out of the bed around this hour already so Johnny would like to keep them both in bed for as long as it is possible.

Back then, before they got married and moved out of their old apartment, the two of them had to squeeze themselves in Johnny’s bed at the bottom bunk. It was a very tight fit, but it was indeed warmer. It’s been a couple years since they ditched their old apartment, and Johnny quite enjoyed their current abode. He glanced at their big window, still mostly covered by the curtains. But small streams of sunlight peeked through the gaps, and it casted a soft glow on the side of their room. He took another glance at their wedding photo, smiling when he saw the way they both looked so warm and cozy, surrounded by hues of orange, red, and brown. 

Their wedding was small, and unlike their old time’s joke of hiring a wedding organizer, they decided to plan things themselves. Despite being pretty modest and overall small-scaled, their wedding was beautiful. It was memorable, and it was everything that Johnny had ever wanted.

Their fourth autumn together. 

That was when they tied the knot. It really took them time before they agreed on getting married. To be honest, they didn’t think of getting married for real at first. Johnny was a divorcé, so of course, he wanted to be more careful. And Kun was just… a serial overthinker. They loved each other and what they had was good enough. Isn’t marriage just… a label? Not exactly a testament of their relationship. Just a new title. Marriage initially didn’t hold any importance on both of them, because everything already felt perfect as long as they’re together. 

But being married came with benefits, and being married provided them with more security in terms of finance and health. Being married allowed them to put each other's name as their emergency contact and beneficial, and being married allowed them to grow their family more. Being married means having a sacred vow shared between them—something they will hold on to dearly and protect with all their might. Something Johnny promised to not break, unlike his past one.

Marriage was indeed a label, but a label they took seriously.

Johnny felt Kun wriggling so he pulled away slightly, smiling softly at the younger’s puffed up eyes.

“What time is it?” Kun croaked.

“Right now? A little before seven.”

“Good. We have a few minutes, or maybe half an hour if we’re lucky, before the little gremlin demands attention.”

Johnny chuckled, nodding his head.

“Good morning, by the way. It’s way too cold. Let’s change the heater setting and—”

Johnny chuckled again. Cupping his husband’s cheeks, pressing a ton of kisses to his face to shut him up.

“Morning, love. I’ll turn the temperature up a few notches later. For now, I’ll keep you warm.”

Kun rolled his eyes, but he scooted closer nonetheless, enjoying the warmth that Johnny was exuding.

“I think I’m finally getting older. The weather’s too cold for me now, and it’s not even mid-autumn yet.”

“Kun, you’re already forty three. You’re old.”

“You’re forty four. You’re older.” 

Touché.

“Well, we just have to bundle up more then,” Johnny laughed.

“I’m cooking chicken pot pie for dinner,” Kun suddenly mumbled after a period of silence.

“Ah, my favorite. I know it’s not winter yet, but having mulled wine with it sounds nice.”

“Oh my god, we are indeed old.”

Johnny laughed again, because yes, they’re old. But he’s getting older with Kun by his side, so it’s alright.

“What do you think of ravioli with brown butter? I have to write a new recipe. I think… I can fill it with butternut squash puree and charred bacon bits, and then I can grate some parmigiano reggiano on top,” Kun rambled.
“Sounds fancy.”

“It’s nice that Jungsoo hyung had retired and Doyoung took over. He gave me way more creative space and I’m glad I don’t have to think of another pumpkin spice recipe. I’m getting tired of it.”

“But Yizhuo is not tired of pumpkin. Jimin and Minjeong too.”

“They’re kids, of course they enjoyed the flavor. My forty three years old ass would want something more sophisticated.”

“Well, whatever you cook, I’d probably enjoy it. Any new veggie recipes that Yizhuo would potentially like?”

Kun grinned, “I made candied chestnuts yesterday. Putting it on a fennel salad sounds amazing, right?”

“She’d like it, I think..? Let’s keep the fennels finely shredded. She hates vegetables if they're in chunks.”

“If she liked all my recipes, I’ll make videos on it and upload it to the youtube channel. Maybe the magazine too.”

“Ah, so now Ningning’s the one to give you the stamp of approval?”

“You kept giving me nines and tens! I need a more objective judge!”

“Your viewers liked my judging system.”

“Fine, fine… I’m keeping the Johnny score of approval corner, but I’m adding Ningning on my upcoming videos. The viewers are gonna love me getting grilled by a sassy seven years old.”

Johnny chuckled, shaking his head as he pulled their bodies closer, tangling their legs and playfully rubbing his toe on Kun’s shin.

“Johnnyyy, your feet are icy cold! Wear socks!” Kun whined, kicking his husband’s feet away.

“It’s too hot with them.”

“Your toes are literally freezing! Ugh, go away and get some socks. And while you’re at it, turn up the heater a little bit.”

“Always demanding, aren’t you?”

“You're the one who proposed to me. You brought yourself up for a lifetime of demands.”

The word for a lifetime sounds wonderful and Johnny would gladly keep up with Kun's whines if it means they'd be together for many more years to come. Johnny laughed, pulling himself up, only to drop his body unceremoniously on top of Kun, earning a groan and a smack to his back.

“Johnny, I swear to God, you’re heavy!”

“I’m just warming you up.”

“You’re insane.”

“But you love me.”

Kun pretended to gag at the cheesy response, earning another pearly laughters coming from Johnny.

“Well, I unfortunately do love you, but seriously, get off, you giant.”

Before Johnny could retaliate with another witty response, their bedroom door creaked open, and when Johnny turned back, he saw his little girl, bundled up in her favorite blanket by the doorway.

“Appa? Baba?”

“Hey baobei. Awake already?” Kun smiled, pushing Johnny off of him.

“Mm hmm. It’s cold, Baba,” she whined.

“Come here. Your baba felt cold too, so come and warm him up,” Johnny slid off of Kun and patted the space between them.

The seven years old girl giggled, running towards his father’s open arms, shrieking as Johnny picked her up and dumped her on top of her other dad.

“Morning, sweetheart. Had a nice sleep last night?” Kun asked, combing through her messy locks. He probably has to think of strategies on coaxing her to cut her hair. It’s getting too long.

“Mm hmm. But it’s so cold, Baba!”

“I know. Appa promised he’d turn up the heater today.”

“Later, okay. Let’s just roll around in bed first,” Johnny smiled, scooping them into his arms.

"No! We have to wake up!" The little girl, Ningning or Yizhuo, whined.

"Why rushing, gongzhu?" Kun chuckled as she wiggled out of their grips.

"I have a ballet show! I'm going to dance!" She pouted.

Johnny doesn't know where Yizhuo got her diva side, but she was so pumped up about the autumn ballet show her dancing class organized. Neither Kun nor him has any decent dancing ability, but then again, none of them are her biological parents so maybe that's why. 

He smoothed down her bird nest of a hair, pulling her back into his arms, "Your show is in the afternoon, Princess. We've got hours before that."

"We can't be late!"

Kun laughed, "We won't be late. I would make sure of that. How about this, let's have ten minutes of cuddle time and I'll let you choose what to have for breakfast?"

Ningning's eyes sparkled at the thought of being able to pick her meal.

"Pancakes! With that pumpkin cloud!"

Kun internally grimaced at the thought of making pancakes with pumpkin spiced whipped cream. Johnny grinned mockingly, earning a scowl from him.

"Okay, pancakes with pumpkin spiced whipped cream for our princess. But first, cuddle. Okay?"

"Okay, Baba!"

Kun closed his eyes and hummed contentedly as Ningning settled calmly between him. 

The decision to adopt her was a long and deeply thought one. When Johnny and him got together, Johnny already made it clear that he wanted to have a kid, possibly more, in the future. Kun was okay with that. They took their time with dating, and later on, marrying. They had a lengthy discussion about the kid topic, thinking of when's the perfect time to build a family, and whether they want to try fostering first, adopting straight away, or doing the surrogate program like Doyoung and Jaehyun did. 

They've only been married for like one and a half years when the opportunity to adopt Ningning came. During that time, both Johnny and him had not decided yet on how to have their child, but they've been doing research and following several discussion pages online. Then they saw the adoption notice from one of the pages they followed. Yizhuo was a five and half year old girl all the way from Harbin, China, who had been living in the orphanage since she was born. She was left in front of the orphanage doorstep just a few hours after being born, and the orphanage was the only place she had ever been. Getting a child her age adopted locally was a bit difficult, so her orphanage partnered with an agency to sign her up for international adoption.

Johnny was the one who stumbled across her profile, and her bright eyes and button nose captured his attention. There was a video of her singing a nursery rhyme while dancing around and the footage reminded Johnny of Kun, who often did this goofy song to cheer Johnny up. Her smile and her laugh was so reminiscent of Kun that when Johnny had shown Kun her profile, both of them were sold in an instance.

They contacted the agency, and Kun's Chinese citizenship earned them the adoption with fair ease. Johnny still vividly remembers the day they stepped foot in the cold region of Harbin and looked at her—the way her eyes twinkled as the agency workers told her she'd be having her forever parents, the way she giggled as Kun talked to her in Chinese, and the way she beamed as they took their first picture together as a family; her little body wrapped in Kun's fluffy scarf and Johnny's knitted beanie. He remembered the way she clung to him as she took her first flight ever on the journey back to Seoul, the way she slept soundly against his chest, and the way she pouted when they woke her up after they landed.

Johnny had always wanted to have a kid. When he married his ex-wife, he wanted one despite her not wanting any. When they got a divorce he still wanted one. When he lived like he was barely living, he still wanted one. When he met Kun and in turn met Jimin and Minjeong, he really, really wanted one. When he got together with Kun, he wanted one more than ever, more than anything. And now he finally had one, sandwiched between him and Kun, the love of his life. He felt complete.

"Appa! Baba! It's been ten minutes! Let's have breakfast!"

Way to go, Yizhuo. 

She used to speak zero Korean and needed Kun to patiently translate every single word to her. After months of learning, she's now fluent and is the sassiest little girl ever. Johnny doesn't know whether to be grateful or not about it.

"Appa! Come on! Breakfast!"

Johnny groaned as Yizhuo smushed his cheeks.

"Alright, let's all wake up and have breakfast," Kun pacified, standing up from the bed.

"Baba, kiss first," Yizhuo pouted, pointing at her lips.

Kun grinned, attacking her with kisses.

"Go ask for kisses from your Appa and then help Baba in the kitchen, okay?"

"Yes!"

Johnny smiled as Yizhuo pounced on him, attacking him with wet smooches which he replied with equal fervor, leaving them both breathless with laughter.

"We shouldn't keep your Baba waiting. Let's go!"

Yizhuo screeched as Johnny lifted her like a potato sack, her pearly laughter ringing through their apartment.

"Johnny? Can you start on coffee?" Kun asked, whisking on his pancake batter.

"Of course. And strawberry milk for our little princess?" Johnny asked Yizhuo, who was still hanging upside down on his shoulder.

"Yes!"

"Alright. Go help your Baba while I prepare our drinks, sweetheart."

Johnny grinned, looking back periodically at Yizhuo who was belting the notes to a popular girl group song, Kun following along. This was the scene he had always dreamed of seeing, and he's experiencing it real time right now. The scent of pumpkin spice and buttered up pancake permeated through the kitchen, and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee joined in, making the atmosphere warm and cozy.

Johnny remembered the days of his youth, both him and Kun still in college, the two of them cooking dinner together in the teeny tiny kitchen of their cramped up studio apartment. He also remembered the time when he first moved in with Kun again, him waiting patiently at the side and hoping to get a taste as Kun cooked while filming his youtube videos. After spending so many years living with Kun, he was accustomed already to a certain rhythm, enabling the two of them to work effortlessly in tandem, like a well-oiled machine. Even with the addition of Yizhuo, they still worked harmoniously together. It didn't take too long for breakfast to be served, and for the three of them to start digging in. Back then it was usually just a pair of cutleries—for him and Kun. But now they have an extra set, purple and pink colored with dashes of glitters, for their little princess.

Johnny smiled fondly as he watched Yizhuo eat with gusto, savoring the taste of her favorite pumpkin spiced whipped cream. Despite complaining of being sick of pumpkin related stuff, Kun looked content. Well, both of them are always rendered weak when it comes to Yizhuo. 

"Appa, let's take a lot of pictures later! My leotard and tutu is very pretty so you have to take lot, and lot, and lot, and lots of pictures!" Yizhuo beamed.

Johnny chuckled, ruffling his daughter's hair, "Of course. Baba and I will take tons of pictures of you."

"And us together too!"

"Yes, yes, the three of us too."

Looking at Yizhuo's satisfied smile made Johnny incredibly happy inside. He glanced at Kun who smiled back at him. His heart was at ease.

🍂

Johnny made sure he had the correct lens for his camera. A nice 18-300mm lens that could zoom in on their daughter when she performed later, so they could get nice individual shots of her. He was glad that Kun managed to get him back into photography again. It was fun, capturing moments that he could look back on again in the future.

He stepped out of their storage room, and paused as he passed Yizhuo's bedroom. He smiled fondly, directing his camera towards the scene unfolding inside the room. Yizhuo was sitting on her bedazzled vanity chair, dressed in a baby pink leotard. Kun was kneeling behind her, clamping his lips on bobby pins as he brushed Yizhuo's hair, pulling it taut so he could make a nice sleek bun. The sight was endearing and funny at the same time. Johnny snapped a few pictures, giggling inwardly at the results.

Kun and him were lucky that they used to babysit Jimin and Minjeong a lot. At least they got intense knowledge of how to braid hair, make buns, pigtails, curls, and tons of other hairstyles. Their precious Ningie could be a little fussy when she wanted a particular hairstyle, so it was relieving that they've had a lot of practice beforehand. Johnny was never too good at doing hair. It's probably because of his huge fingers. Kun has a better fine motoric, and Kun was way more patient. It showed, because Johnny noticed, aside from making a very neat bun on top of their daughter's hair, Kun had made two tiny braids, wrapping it around the bun elegantly.

"Baba! Can I use makeup? Glitter! I want glitter!"

Johnny leaned against the doorframe and chuckled, "You're going to be the prettiest later."

"Of course! That's why Baba has to give me some make-up. Baba is good with them!"

Johnny nodded. True. He remembered the first time Kun put on some make-up on his face and made him feel good about himself. Kun has magical hands.

Johnny watched as Kun carefully dabbed a very faint pink eyeshadow on their daughter's eyelids, before adding a sparkly shade on top of it.

"Come on. Lip balm now."

Yizhuo puckered her lips and Kun laughed as he slathered some tinted lip balm on her lips.

"Look, Appa, isn't our daughter so pretty?" Kun beamed.

Johnny grinned, lifting his camera up.

"Twirl for Appa, sweety. Let me take some pictures of you."

Yizhuo twirled excitedly, her pink tutu flaring around her hips.

"Pretty! Baba can't wait to see you perform. Come on, let's get your stuff ready and then we should get going!"

🍂

When they arrived at the dance school, it was already packed with parents and their kids. Johnny went to look for a nice seating spot while Kun handed Yizhuo off to her dance teacher.

"Hey, babe. How's our Ningie?"

"Zero stage fright. You know how she is," Kun laughed as he sat down next to his husband.

"So, when is she going to appear on stage?"

"I think during the second act or something. It won't be that hard to spot her with her confident attitude."

It was indeed not that hard! A group of ten girls appeared on stage, twirling around in their identical bright pink tutus like a flock of flamingos, but it was easy for Johnny and Kun to spot their little daughter. They probably looked ridiculous, with Kun filming the whole thing with his phone and Johnny snapping pictures of her. He did stop every few seconds, just to watch her do her plie, releve, and saute. She had always been confident. Even back then when she couldn't communicate with him and had to rely on body language, she was confident with herself. And Johnny's so proud of her. On how she managed to learn a whole new language in a relatively quick time, how she made friends, how she carried herself in such a confident manner. She was his princess, and he loved her to bits.

He made sure to clap the loudest, standing up as he did so, throwing her several flying kisses as she walked out the stage.

When it was finally time to pick her up from the backstage, he couldn't help but have a big stupid grin on his face as he squatted down, welcoming her into his arms, lifting her and twirling her around as she giggled and squealed.

"Appa! Baba! I danced!"

"You danced well, sweetheart. Oh, you danced amazingly. Baba and Appa are so proud of you!" Kun smiled, cupping her chubby cheeks affectionately.

"Did you see my jump?"

"We saw it! It was cool! Will you do that again? Come on, show us!"

Johnny and Kun had seen her twirl and jump and turn almost everyday but it wouldn't hurt to see her do it again, especially now that she's currently decked in her ballet costume.

Yizhuo excitedly jumped, adding a twirl at the end, and both of her parents clapped, earning fond looks from passersby.

"Come on. This calls for a celebration. Appa wants to take you somewhere," Johnny smiled.

"Where? Where?" Yizhuo asked excitedly.

"I'm keeping it a secret so both of you will be surprised!" Johnny grinned.

🍂

The air is pretty chilly, and there's no way Johnny and Kun are going to let Yizhuo venture outside in her thin leotard. It took a lot of coaxing to persuade her to bundle up because she wanted to show off her tutu, but in the end, they made it work. She finally agreed on putting on a thick legging and thick knitted sweater on top of her costume, and she agreed on changing her dancing shoes into her boots. She looked cute, bundled up inside a thick sweater with her pink tutu flaring underneath.

"Appa, where are we going?" Yizhuo asked as Johnny helped her out of the car.

“Yeah. Where are we even right now?” Kun raised his brows as he took one of Yizhuo’s hands.

“Somewhere familiar. For the two of us, at least. You’ll know soon. But this will be Ningning’s first time here,” Johnny grinned, taking Yizhuo’s other hand.

“I’m usually the more spontaneous one. What’s with the sudden surprise, huh?” Kun chuckled.

“A nice change, right?” Johnny replied cheerfully.

“Appa! Baba! The leaves!”

Yizhuo jumped excitedly, crunching the leaves under her feet. The leaves had begun to turn orange in color, falling everywhere. The chilly autumn breeze flew past them, and Kun was grateful that Yizhuo agreed on putting on layers earlier.

“They’re turning brown, aren’t they?” Johnny commented.

“Yeah! Look! They crunched when I stepped on them!”

Yizhuo jumped again, giggling at the rustling sound beneath her feet. Johnny shared a look with his husband, and almost telepathically, they lifted their arms, swinging Yizhuo up and down. She squealed, making sure to crunch the leaves hard as she landed. They repeated the movements several times, and the sound of Yizhuo’s excited giggles made them feel warm and giddy despite the cold air.

“See? This is why you need to use your boots outside during autumn, and not your ballet flats,” Kun chided.

Yizhuo grinned sheepishly as she did another jump.

“By the way, Kun, babe, do you really not know where we are?” Johnny raised a brow.

Kun bit his lips, looking around. He’s pretty familiar with the surroundings despite not knowing where they are actually going—

“Wait… Are we…”

“Yeah?” Johnny grinned.

“The café! The café we met at! Also the place you worked part-time at before the gaming company!” Kun exclaimed.

“Bingo,” Johnny smiled smugly.

“Oh my god…”

“Baba? Why? Where are we?” Yizhuo tugged Kun’s hand as Kun shook his head in disbelief.

Kun laughed, “Why don’t you ask your Appa, baobei?”

Yizhuo tugged Johnny’s hand this time, a little harder, earning a pinch on her cheek.

“We’re going to a place which was very special for your Baba and I.”

“Special? Why?”

Kun’s eyes were shining as they arrived at the familiar café, and he smiled as Johnny held the door open for him and Yizhuo.

“Well, I met your father here.”

“When?”

“Years ago.”

“When you were in school? You said you met Appa in school.”

“When I was in college, yes. But after we graduated, we moved away.”

"And then?"

"Later, sweetheart. We'll tell you the full scoop later. Let's order first, okay?" Johnny chuckled.

"Wow, this brings back memories," Kun mused.

"The usual?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah. We should get Ningning the hot chocolate drink."

"Me! I want hot chocolate!" Yizhuo squealed excitedly.

"Of course, baobei. Can you get some muffins too, John?"

"Alright. Go find some place to sit, I'll get back with our orders."

"Baba, what is the usual?" Yizhuo, tugged Kun's hand.

Kun laughed, "It's something that I usually order."

"What is it?"

"It's mocha breve."

"Mo—whaaat?"

Kun laughed again as he helped Yizhuo into her chair, "It's a type of coffee. It has coffee, chocolate, and half-and-half."

"Is it good?"

"Well for me it is. You might find it too bitter though. Stick with the hot chocolate okay, sweetie?"

"Drinks for the Suh-Qians!" Johnny sing-songed, grinning as he put down the drinks from the tray.

"Baba! The chocolate has marshmallows in it!"

Kun chuckled, patting her hair, "It does, isn't it? Wait for it to cool down a bit."

"Appa, what do you drink?" Yizhuo pointed at her other dad's cup.

"This? This is cappuccino."

"Is it bitter too? Like baba's drink?"

Johnny laughed, "Of course, honey."

"Why do grown ups like bitter stuff?"

"Well, when we were your age, we did love chocolates. But now that we're older, we like coffee more," Kun explained.

"Do you like coming here often?" She asked again.

"Back then, yes. Your appa even worked here one time."

"Appa? Work here?!"

Johnny smiled, "Yeah. When Appa first moved here, long before Appa worked for the gaming company, it was hard finding a job. So Appa worked here for a few months."

"Is that why you always make coffee at home?"

"Mmm… I think so."

"And you met Baba here?"

"Yeah. I was sitting… where did I sit? Ah, there! On that long communal table. I was sitting there alone, and someone came, asking if the spot beside me was taken or not. And that someone was Baba!"

"And you become best friends?"

Kun smiled, "Kind of. I asked him to live with me because I needed a roommate."

"And then you fall in love?"

Johnny laughed, "Well… It took an awfully long time to reach that part, but yeah, we fell in love eventually."

"And then you got me!"

"And then we got you," Kun fondly smiled, pressing a kiss to her head.

Yizhuo smiled in satisfaction before taking small sips of her hot chocolate, humming in delight.

"Was it good, princess?"

"Yep!"

Johnny smiled, reaching over to clean her lips which were messily smudged by her drink using a piece of tissue.

“Baba, can you make this kind of drink at home?”

Kun chuckled, “I might have to search for recipes online first, but sure. I’ll try.”

Yizhuo beamed, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Is it that good, huh?” Johnny nudged her.

She nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah! But Baba is good at making restaurant food, so I think he can make this too.”

Johnny grinned, “Well, that’s your Baba.”

“Appa, did Baba cook you delicious food too in the past?”

“Of course! Back then, even when he was still learning in school, he always made delicious food for Appa. I always got to try the food he made.”

“Was it always good?”

Johnny laughed, “Sometimes he failed, but most of the time, he succeeded.”

Kun shook his head, “It wasn’t always good. Your Appa is just very easy to please when it comes to food.”

“When I grow up, I want to marry someone like Baba so I can always eat good food,” Yizhuo said with such seriousness that both Johnny and Kun couldn’t help but laugh.

“But what of your partner is like Appa? Appa is not good at cooking,” Johnny said.

“Then we will live with Baba so we can eat Baba’s food,” she deadpanned, causing her parents to burst into laughter again.

“You should learn how to cook from Baba then so you can cook food like him,” Johnny nudged her.

“But it’s so hard! Baba is just too good at cooking!” she whined.

Kun giggled, pulling her into a side hug, “If you keep on practicing, you can be good at cooking. Look at your Appa, he used to be really bad. But now he’s a little better. He made a great burger right?”

“Well, but he’s only good at making that. And like… ramyeon. And nuggets.”

Johnny couldn’t believe he was being grilled by his own daughter.

“At least I can cook!”

Yizhuo giggled, “It’s okay. Appa can’t cook but he’s good at bedtime stories!”

“He gives the warmest hugs too, don’t you think?” Kun added with a fond smile.

Johnny glanced at his husband and smiled back as Yizhuo nearly jumped into his lap.

“Yeah! Love Appa’s hugs! And Baba’s too!”

Johnny easily pulled the two into his arms, wrapping them in a warm hug, “And Appa loves the hugs you both give.”

🍂

When they got back, Kun sent Johnny immediately on a mission to get Yizhuo out of her ballet costume. It was… hard to say the least. Yizhuo just loved her tutu so much she refused to take it off.

“Come on, Ningning. You need to change your clothes so Appa can wash your ballet costume.”

“Can’t I just wear this? It’s comfortable!”

“I know, baby… But aren't your jammies more comfy? They’re soft!”

“My leotard is soft too!” she insisted.

Johnny sighed exasperatedly. He definitely has to look up on online shops if there were any pajamas that looked like a ballet dress or something. God, it’s so hard to raise a daughter.

“Come on, sweety. This… This one is pink! And it has glitters! Your favorite jammies!” Johnny said as he fished out one of her onesies. She’s getting too big for onesies so it’s been getting harder to find one, but this one still fits her perfectly.

Yizhuo pondered hard before sighing, “Fine…”

Johnny beamed and pumped his fist to the air as he quickly helped Yizhuo out of her ballet costume before she changed her mind.

“Alright, princess. If you keep your hair in a bunnie like this, you will get a headache later. Let’s brush your hair okay?”

“No bunnies?”

“No… But we can do piggies, I guess?”

“No braidies?”

Johnny scratched his nape.

“Let me ask Baba first, okay? Go pick your scrunchie first, sweetie.”

Yizhuo grinned as she went to her vanity, looking through her accessories box.

“Kuuun! Babee!”

“Yeaah?”

“How do you braid hair again? I forgot…”

Kun laughed as he stirred the pot in front of him.

“The right one goes over the center, then under the left. And then repeat. Is it Ningning?”

“Yeah. She wanted braidies over piggies,” Johnny sighed.

Kun chuckled, beckoning him over, “I know you can do it. Just put a ton of hair pins if it looked bad. Anything glittery and sparkly could distract her.”

“You’re handling her for her bath tonight,” Johnny sighed again as he wrapped his arms around his husband.

“Only if you do the dishes and clean the kitchen.”

“Oh, it’s a deal, baby.”

Kun laughed. He knew Johnny would give up bathing duty at any given moment if he had to do it himself. But family baths? He loves it. Mostly because it’s Kun who had to chase a half naked kid around the apartment.

“Well, now go braid your daughter’s hair as I make dinner for all of—”

“Appaaa! What took you so long?”

Kun laughed when he looked back, finding Yizhuo holding several pink scrunchies in her hand.

Johnny grinned, “Take a seat, honey. Let me get your brush, and then I’ll do the braidies."

Kun put down the ladle in his hand, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel before bending down to give his daughter a kiss.

"Appa's braiding your hair?"

"Yeah!"

"I'm sure it will look pretty. Baba's still cooking right now."

"What are you making?" She tiptoed.

Kun picked her up, watching her eyes widened inquisitively.

"Chicken pot pie. You love it, right?"

"Yes! Can you make one with a heart like last time?"

Kun chuckled as he set her down on the dining chair, "Absolutely, sweetheart. Look, that's Appa. Go get your hair ready with him!"

The chicken cream soup is basically ready at this point so Kun worked immediately on the pie crust, rolling out the dough he put in the fridge earlier. Yizhuo had requested a heart pattern on her pie crust, and what the princess wants, the princess gets. He rolled out the dough, cutting normal circular ones for him and Johnny, and making small heart shaped cutouts for Yizhuo.

Meanwhile Johnny was mentally struggling as he took out the pins and hair ties that secured Yizhuo's bun. He tried to detangle her very long hair carefully, spraying some detangling solution to make it less painful for her. Kun was right. They have to find a way to convince her to trim her hair a bit. It was beginning to look like they were raising a rapunzel.

"Alright, right over the center, under the left, and repeat. Johnny Suh, you got this," he hyped himself up before parting her hair into 3 parts, definitely inequal, but hopefully Yizhuo doesn't notice. He probably looked ridiculous, half naked, wearing only a pair of old sweatpants and sweating himself off despite it being so cold in the apartment just because he had to handle a sassy seven years old.

"Is it done, Appa?"

"No, not yet, sweetie. Don't move your head yet," Johnny said quickly.

The end product was…. Mediocre to say the least. But she had a braid on her head. Add in a bunch of pink scrunchies, and it looked pretty decent, at least for Johnny's standard.

"It's now done, Ningie."

Yizhuo jumped down from the chair, twirling around, "Is it pretty, Appa?"

"Mm hmm. Very pretty. Appa's daughter is the prettiest," Johnny smiled.

"Baba! Baba! Look at me!" She tugged Kun's pants.

Kun bent down and laughed, "Yes, baobei. Very pretty. Appa does a very good job, right?"

"Yeah! Thank you, Appa! You're the best!"

Johnny melts inside when Yizhuo tugged him, pressing a wet smooch on his cheek. 

This is the joy of fatherhood, Johnny thinks.

🍂

Johnny sipped his mulled wine, sighing contently. Yizhuo is still chattering away as always, sipping on warmed up grape juice on her plastic cup instead of wine so she didn't feel left out. The chicken pot pie Kun made earlier was very delicious. Warm. Comforting. The fennel salad with candied pecans was surprisingly a crowd pleaser. They were ecstatic when Yizhuo asked for a second helping. Dinner is one of Johnny's most favorite times of the day as he gets to eat Kun's wonderful culinary creation and watch Yizhuo devour it with gusto, but not before giving her two cents about the dish like a Michelin food critic. Dinner’s perfect. It's time to wind down a little before bed, enjoying each other's company. It's the best time to stuff Yizhuo's little tummy and talk with her and get an insight of that unique mind of hers, while simultaneously tiring her out so she will be drained by bath time and it wouldn't take too long to make her sleep.

This is the kind of night time Johnny had long for in the past, and now that he's experiencing it in real time made him feel fuzzy inside. He reached out a hand, tucking back Yizhuo's bangs as she chirped about princesses and all sorts of things that are a little hard for Johnny to keep track of.

"Appa!"

"Hmm?"

"What is America like?"

"America? Why? Are you curious?"

"Yes! Baba and I are from China, but you said you're from America. Is it far?"

"Well… Much further away than China. It's a very big country."

"Do they have princesses there?"

"Sadly, no."

"Well, that sucks. Do you like it there?"

"Mmm… Kind of. But I like Korea more."

"Why?"

Johnny chuckled, "Well, if I didn't go to Korea, I wouldn't meet your Baba, and I wouldn't make the decision to adopt you."

"But… but you left Korea to go to America?"

"I did. Initially. Your Baba also left Korea for China. But in the end, we both got back here."

Yizhuo looked confused, and Kun laughed, "Come on, finish your food. And then we'll have bath time, okay?"

"With the mermaids?"

Kun tried so hard not to wince and smiled shakily, "With the mermaids."

It's not that Kun hates mermaids. No. It's just that… Cleaning up will be a tough job later. Yizhuo had an immense hate for bath time when she first joined their family. They never knew why, and the orphanage never explained, so maybe there was some childhood trauma involved. They tried so many methods to get her to bathe, then one time Johnny stumbled upon a mermaid barbie and decided to buy one for Yizhuo, and surprisingly, she loved it. Well, the mermaid barbie was sparkly, water resistant, and the tail changed colors when exposed to different water temperatures. The mermaid barbie was the only thing that could get her to sit still in the bathtub so they purchased three more, and now she had four barbies in four different colors to distract her as Kun tried to work out the tangles in her hair. In the end, Kun ended up taking a shower himself because he was thoroughly soaked after bathing her.

But well, the barbies did their job. Yizhuo was fairly calm, making up her own fairytale using the four dolls as Kun cleaned her. She's already seven, so soon she will be big enough to bathe herself. Kun smiled as she sang, moving the barbies around. 

“Come on, darling. Let’s get out of the bath and get into your jammies again.”

Yizhuo grinned, nodding her head.

Meanwhile, Johnny had finished cleaning up the kitchen, making sure it was spotless because Kun probably would have to shoot another content there tomorrow and God forbid the whole internet to see their kitchen looking like a shipwreck. Kun had put away his filming equipment before dinner, but Johnny knew his husband was scheduled to film the next day so Johnny set the tripod and camera on the corner of the kitchen, somewhere close by but safe from Yizhuo's hands. He looked around the kitchen, making sure everything is placed where they're supposed to, before turning off the lights. When he stepped into the main bedroom, Kun was there, humming contentedly as he dried Yizhuo’s hair, their daughter singing out loud. He smiled softly, watching as the two continued singing.

“John? Babe?”

Johnny merely smiled, coming closer to press a kiss to his husband’s temple before sitting next to their daughter, bopping her nose.

“Not sleepy yet, baby girl?”

“Just a little,” Yizhuo shrugged.

“Not tired? You danced a lot today.”

“Mmm… Tired. But only a little,” she gestured.

Johnny laughed, going to the cupboard to fetch some fuzzy socks for them.

“I’m afraid it’s going to get colder. Let’s use some socks,” he hummed as he put on the pairs on Yizhuo’s cold little feet.

“You’ve turned up the heater, right?” Kun asked.

“Yep. Done. But still, it gets chilly in the morning.”

Kun smiled in gratitude, sending his husband a flying kiss.

“Appa. Baba.”

“Yes, baobei?”

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Yizhuo asked, rubbing her eyes.

“Here? What about your bedroom?”

“Wanna stay here with Appa and Baba.”

“What do you want to do here, huh?” Johnny chuckled.

“Wanna talk and hear stories,” she whined.

Both Kun and Johnny are notorious for being too weak for her, so after sharing a knowing look with each other, they both ended up nodding at her request.

“Well, Appa wants to take a shower first. Will you wait here, sweety?” Johnny asked.

“Yep!”

🍂

When Johnny popped out of the shower, Kun and Yizhuo were already getting cozy under the thick duvet, the two of them speaking hushedly to each other.

“What are you guys talking about?” Johnny raised an eyebrow as he slipped under the covers.

“About Baba’s job in China. Baba said he cooked in restaurants.”

“Yeah, he did. Amazing, isn’t he?” Johnny smiled.

Yizhuo giggled, “What about you, Appa?”

Johnny threw an arm around her, smiling as he answered, “I used to make games. Like computer and phone games.”

“Whoa, that’s cool!”

“I know, right?”

“In America?”

“Yep. In America.”

“Do you like making games?”

“I do. I enjoyed my job.”

“Then why did you move to Korea? Baba said he hates working in restaurants, that's why he moved here so he could make Youtube videos,” she said innocently.

Johnny bit his lips as he glanced at Kun. Kun looked back at him, waiting for his response.

Johnny sighed, “Well, I was unhappy with my life back there, so I decided to move here to start anew.”

“But you said you liked your job?”

“I did. My job was okay. But the other aspects of my life… Hmm… Not really.”

“Why?”

Johnny smiled as he carded through her thick hair. How do you explain the concept of sexual awakening and divorce to a seven years old?

“Well, before I married your Baba, I used to be married to another person in America.”

Yizhuo’s eyes widened before she glared at him, “Why? Appa should only be with Baba! And Ningie! Me!”

Johnny laughed, “Of course. Appa will always be with you and Baba. That was all in the past. I met a girl in America, and I fell in love with her so we got married. But well, she wasn’t happy with the marriage, and I became unhappy too. We didn’t want to hurt each other, so we decided to separate ways.”

“Were you sad?” Yizhuo asked, blinking her eyes.

“Well… I was. I was really sad. Very, very sad. That’s why I moved back here. To be happy again.”

“And did you become happy?”

Johnny smiled, pinching her chubby cheeks, “Well, I met your Baba. He made me really, really happy. And because I met your Baba, I was able to meet you. And therefore, I become even happier.”

“So Appa is happy now?”

“Right now? Very. Very happy. Appa has you, and Baba, and we’re all together here, so it makes Appa happy. Very happy,” he answered firmly.

Yizhuo turned to Kun, blinking her eyes innocently, “How about Baba?”

“Me?”

“Mm hmm.”

“Oh, baobei, of course I’m really happy to be here with the two of you!” Kun chuckled.

“Appa and Baba will be married forever, right?” she asked worriedly.

Johnny smiled softly, “I really hope so. I love you and your Baba so much, so I’d like it if we could always be together like this as a family.”

Yizhuo pondered for a while, “Do you like Baba first?”

Kun scoffed, “No. I liked your Appa first.”

“And you told him?”

Kun grimaced and Johnny smiled mockingly, “No. Your Baba was a coward.”

“Hey!”

Yizhuo giggled, “So Appa said it first?”

Johnny grinned, “Yeah. I was the one who confessed to him first.”

“Wait, no! I said it first! The ski lodge!” Kun protested.

Johnny rolled his eyes, “Babe, you were drunk and refused to acknowledge you feeling that time. I was the one who properly confessed first. In Deoksugung, remember?”

“Did Baba say yes?” Yizhuo asked excitedly.

“No. He rejected me and then he ran away to England,” Johnny laughed, reminiscing about the old time.

“Baba! Why’d you do that?!” Yizhuo whined, hitting Kun weakly on the arm.

Kun winced, remembering the stupid decision he made in the past.

“Well, I was just scared, baobei.”

“Why are you scared? Appa is not scary! I mean, well yeah, he’s really tall and big, but he’s… nice. And cuddly! Like a… like a bear. Teddy bear,” Yizhuo chirped innocently, making Johnny laugh.

“Being scared is totally okay. I mean, Appa was scared too at first. We were all scared of something at one point of our life. What’s important is that we manage to get over our fear.”

“But why are you even scared of being with someone you love?” Yizhuo frowned.

Both Johnny and Kun were rendered speechless at her remark. Yizhuo got a point. Back then they were scared of fully trusting each other over the fear of getting hurt, not realizing that they were hurting both their own selves and each other in the process. Sometimes, thinking using a child’s perspective is interesting. Children are fearless. Trusting. And loving. And Johnny and Kun as parents could learn a lot from Yizhuo.

Johnny smiled, smoothening the frown on her forehead, “People get scared of getting hurt a lot, and that’s normal. In the end, people will eventually get hurt.”

“I don’t like getting hurt. What do you do when you get hurt?” she asked again

“Well, Appa and Baba got hurt in the end. But we got over our fear. We met again. We talked and figured out the best arrangement for the two of us. We learned our lessons. And in the end, getting hurt actually helped us become closer, and made us love each other more,” Kun smiled.

“Remember last week when you learned how to ride your bike?” Johnny asked her.

“Yeah? I fell down. Scraped my knee,” she said, pointing to her covered leg.

“Yup. You did. You got hurt. You were scared. But you got over your fear. You learned what you did wrong, what made you fall. And you got up, got on your bike, and rode again. In the end, you succeeded in riding your bike and you became happy too. It’s just like that,” Johnny explained patiently, brushing her hair as he did so.

“But Appa, you said you married someone before. You said it didn’t work and it hurted you. So why… Why didn’t you learn from it and become closer because of it?” Yizhuo frowned.

Johnny smiled, “Well… My past was also just like riding a bike. But the difference was, I fell down and hurt myself because the bike was broken. What would you do if your bike broke?”

“Uh… Ask Baba and Appa to fix it.”

Johnny laughed at the very innocent response, “You’re right. You have to try to fix it first. The thing is, the bike was really, really broken. Very broken, you cannot fix it in any way. And what happened when something got really broken? Remember that mug Appa broke last week? The one Baba tried gluing back but failed to do so?”

Yizhuo nodded, “You bought a new one. A prettier one with bears on it.”

Kun chuckled, “That’s right. Appa replaced it. Just like replacing an old broken mug with a new one, your Appa replaced his old broken relationship with a new one. With me. And then we add a new tiny mug to our house. You! Our little happy cup!”

Yizhuo giggled then yawned, curling closer towards her parents, “Being an adult is confusing. It’s more difficult than bikes. Or mugs.”

Kun laughed, “That’s why you shouldn’t grow up too fast.”

“Can I just live with Appa and Baba even when I already become an adult? So I can keep asking questions,” she said with an innocent smile.

Johnny chuckled, “Baby, you will always be Appa and Baba’s little girl, even if you’ve grown older. You are free to live together with us as long as you desire, but when you’ve become older, you’ll eventually get tired of us and you’d want to move out and live your own life.”

“But… But I don’t want to! Ningning wants to live and sleep and eat with Appa and Baba! Forever!” she pouted petulantly, crossing her arms.

“Okay, okay. Ningning can live with Appa and Baba forever.”

Johnny decided to entertain her with that answer, and he was replied with a satisfied smile from their little girl. 

"Now let's sleep, okay, honey? Aren't you tired from dancing?" Kun said.

"A little. But… But… Still want to talk to Baba and Appa," Yizhuo pouted.

"We can always talk again tomorrow, baby," Johnny chuckled.

"Fine. But I want Baba's song first," she insisted stubbornly.

Kun chuckled but complied nonetheless, wrapping an arm around his daughter as he began softly singing to a Chinese lullaby his baby loves so much. All in all, it took nearly ten minutes of repetitive singing (and additional back pats) to make Yizhuo fall asleep.

"She's asleep?" Kun whispered.

Johnny peeked over and nodded.

"She's growing up, you know. I'm so proud of her today," Kun muttered.

"We still have a couple more years of her being a clingy little princess. Once she's enrolled in school, she would probably act independent."

Kun chuckled, "Knowing her, she would definitely do that. She'll grow up being super sassy and spicy but loved. Ah, I love her so much."

Johnny smiled teasingly, "You used to be so wary about having a child. And now you're spoiling our kid rotten."

"I mean, I can't help it. I used to have a lot of trust issues in the past. But once I got it resolved, I can't help but to want to build a family with you. Imagining a future spent with you seems nice you know."

"Aww… I'm flattered. But really, I'm probably the same. I have all these… imaginations and dreams about a family that I'd always wanted to have. All of them remained an imagination until I met you again. You made them into reality, something so vivid and vibrant in real life I can't help but wonder if it was real or not."

"I'm real. I'm here. Ningning's real," Kun supplied cheekily.

Johnny chuckled, taking his lover's hand, giving it a small kiss, "You are. You both are. I'm so lucky. Thank you for giving me a chance. For helping me. For making me happy."

Kun smiled, "Thank you. For giving me a chance. For waiting for me. For being patient. Thank you for everything."

"We still have a long way ahead of us."

"I know. We have a future to build. Me, you, Yizhuo. Us three."

"Mm hmm. We do. We have plenty of time together."

Kun snuggled closer, making sure his hand was still interlocked with Johnny’s, rested softly on top of Ningning’s warm body, as he closed his eyes.

“Yeah… We got time.”