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Pharan still couldn't believe Khem was actually making him do this.
‘Don't forget your lunch.❤️’ How could he ever throw out this sweet note?
Or this one: ‘Don't forget: lunch is in the fridge.’ Was he really expected to get rid of Khem's thoughtfulness?
One dedicated Notes Drawer wasn't enough. He wouldn't. He couldn't.
“Well, if you can’t make space for new ones, maybe I'll have to stop leaving so many notes then…” Khem's horrifying threat echoed in his mind, and Pharan immediately got back to work.
Perhaps he could part from the lunch notes without any hearts. And even some of the ones with hearts. They were pretty similar after all…
He continued his gruelling work until… There, a note he hadn’t thought of in a long while, which had lain buried underneath a lot of love and care.
Pharan’s fingers shook lightly when he lifted it up.
‘Phi, I truly thank you for everything.
…
But from now on, I’ll find my own way, so no one else gets hurt because of me…’
His heart ached as his body recalled the pain and devastating shock of that moment all too well.
The loss.
The abandonment.
The utter helplessness.
But it had been nothing compared to how he’d felt when he’d seen Khem about to give up. Khem had voiced it before that moment; the thought that there was no hope. Still hidden behind a smile. But when Pharan had seen–
He remembered his own harsh words to Khem, rejecting and discouraging him so many times. Bitterness flooded his mouth at the memory and he swallowed it down, almost choking on it.
He should have given Khem hope.
Instead, he’d almost lost him.
Suddenly, a hand on his shoulder. “P’Peem?”
Khem’s voice was so soft.
Pharan quickly slid the note underneath some other papers, before he raised his head to look at Khem from where he was sitting on the ground.
Khem was holding a glass, and after one look at Pharan’s face, he set it down on the desk and crouched down next to him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Khem. Really.” Pharan smiled at him. He didn’t want to remind Khem of that time as well. He nodded towards the glass. “Is that for me?”
“Mhm,” Khem nodded, but instead of handing Pharan the glass, he reached towards the ground and picked up the note Pharan apparently hadn’t hidden well enough.
Khem swallowed heavily and blinked rapidly, as though he needed to stave off some tears.
“Khem…” Pharan gently plucked the note from Khem’s grip and put it back on the ground. “It’s alright. It’s in the past.”
Khem pulled him into a hug. He kneeled next to Pharan, wrapped his arms around him, and pressed his head against his chest.
Pharan’s arms automatically wrapped around Khem as well.
“I’m sorry.” One of Khem’s hands gently stroked his neck, his cheek, his hair. Pharan realised that he was consoling him. “This is what I wanted to do back then, but couldn’t…”
They stayed like that for a long time, cherishing this lost embrace, so much sweeter now that they knew how close they’d come to never getting to experience it at all.
Eventually, Khem pressed one last kiss to his temple and lowered his arms. “So, do you want to keep it?”
Pharan slowly pulled back to look at Khem, reluctant to let go, then followed his gaze to the note on the floor. He picked it up and gently traced some of the words, before placing it back in the drawer.
Khem slightly cocked his head, a question.
“The words carry your love. I can’t throw that away.”
That night, Khem’s hands and lips were unbearably tender. He drew a path of kisses down Pharan’s chest and stomach, then took him so carefully in his mouth, as though it was their first time.
He gently coaxed Pharan towards his climax, but stopped right before he could come, leaving Pharan breathless and desperate. Khem repeated this until Pharan gripped his hand and called out his name, pleading.
After, Khem pulled him close, and Pharan was lulled to sleep by the soothing rhythm of his breathing.
Pharan's dreams were gentle, too, that night.
When Pharan woke, Khem had already gotten up. He'd placed a folded note on his pillow with a big red heart drawn on it.
Pharan smiled and rubbed the sleep from his eyes so he could read it.
‘P’Peem,
Back then I’d thought I’d already experienced all the happiness this life could ever grant me.
Now I know there’s so many different ways to be happy and I get to experience them all with you by my side.
I’m so grateful I didn’t give up, and I can honestly say that I’m truly glad to be alive.I will continue choosing this life with you, every day.
May our days continue to be full of smiles.Khem’
Pharan jumped out of bed and rushed downstairs.
Khem turned around, a smile on his face which turned into a laugh when he saw that Pharan hadn’t bothered to get dressed.
Pharan couldn’t decide whether he wanted to kiss him or hug him more, so he did both.
“Good morning to you, too.” Khem smiled against his lips. His hands cradled Pharan’s face, but when he leaned in for another kiss, those gentle hands cruelly stopped him.
When Pharan made a wounded sound, Khem kissed his cheek, and grinned. “I have another note for your collection.”
He twisted in Pharan’s arms to grab a sticky note from the table, then stuck the note to his forehead, while looking Pharan in the eyes with a straight face.
The note simply read ‘I love you’.
As words would never be enough to express how much Pharan loved Khem, he took him back to bed to make him feel it, over and over.