Chapter Text
It was such a peaceful day in Emptee Bluffs well as peaceful as an island of circus freaks can be. The skies were clear, there had been no explosions as far as anyone could tell and the seas were calm. Then next thing they all know the marines came to fuck around with them thinking it was their lucky day.
Well they were wrong cause they got their shit immediately rocked by Hawkeyes and surprisingly even the clown. Now Crocodile was also helping out by sucking the life outta some poor defenseless marines (not sexually) and tossing waves of sand at groups of them, not even bothering to give them a glance.
Buggy had insisted the three be the ones to do it to demonstrate their strength to his crew just this once so they could see it before their very own eyes. Before, a couple of weeks ago Crocodile would've been offended by the suggestion, refusing to be part of a circus act with the clown as the ring leader and probably would've beat the shit outta him for trying. But since the clown announced they'd be searching for the One Piece he decided to give the clown a... minuscule of respect. For his own reasons.
As he continued to take the lives of the marines he couldn't help but notice how... ruthless his associates were. Now with Hawkeyes he's always known how strong she is but seeing it up close was a whole different story.
The fear in their eyes as they knew she was about to take their life. That this was it. The flash of regret in their face as they realize that with one swing of her sword she was about to kill everyone on their ship without even thinking of them as anything more than ants to be stepped on.
And then from the distance he could see Buggy, his outfit was ridiculous, "flashy", his makeup with green spots and a painted green frown, contrasting with his wide smile. His appearance right now was really making him stand out as if he was begging for attention even from enemies. That goddamn clown and his inventions were so... destructive. He was nearly choking from a fit of laughter as he sank ships one by one with his Buggy Balls leaving great big holes right on the sides of the massive vessels. He never thought he'd think it but seeing the clown so careless about the lives of others and taking pleasure in their suffering was ...a bit attractive.
Just a bit. Just as Crocodile was about to go back to slaughtering marines, he saw some board on the ship Buggy was on and attempted to cut him down from behind a sword cutting him from head to his chest smoothly. Buggy split in half vertically freaking out the marines. How the hell did these dogs think they had a chance when they didn't even expect that to happen? From a distance he could hear Buggy yell something that sounded like one of his "chop chop" attacks and next thing he knew the clown split his limbs as they spiraled, groups of Marines being sliced and diced with the daggers hidden in Buggy's shoes, pairing the floor boards with their blood. How sneaky… maybe even cunning.
As Crocodile watched Buggy stand over the fresh corpses he left, a marine attacked the sandman from behind seeing him distracted. The sword cut through him but all it did was cause sand to spill on the floor. Said sand then leapt stabbing right through the marines' gut ending his young life. Crocodile walked over his limp body as he made his way to the next ship, the one he's on already sinking.
The fight was dying and Crocodile, for some reason, couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed for some reason. It's not like he enjoyed fighting these weaklings as if they were a challenge. The remaining Marines retread and cross guild collected their treasure and eventually docked back on emptee bluffs on one of their ships. As he settled his mind wandered back to the fight. Well not much of a fight it was more like Cross Guild jumping a bunch of marines who got too full of themselves. A massacre really.
God... Hawkeyes and that clown.. the way they went about it was so different yet equally attractive- no... effective. That's what he meant to think. Mihawks destruction was more calculated and not much effort, the slightest flick of her wrist enough to bring down a whole ship, and though she was seemingly amused at first her interest in the fight wavered and eventually became bored. And then there's Buggy, and he definitely did put the effort yet was still so thoughtless in his destruction, since it was just the three of ‘em he let his bombs loose, little care for who he was hitting as he knew Croc and Mihawk would've been just fine. He wasn't just amused but ecstatic at having the chance to terrorize some Marines, happily sinking their ships left and right.
.. Yes both Hawkeyes and The Clown seemed to take at least some pleasure in causing such destruction.
Crocodile headed back to his office, exhausted yet needed to crunch some last minute paperwork he was behind on. God...he felt embarrassed now thinking of the way he creeped on his associates from afar as they fought. Well...it's not his fault anyways actually. It's theirs for looking so ....eye catching while they slaughter. Not his fault at all.
He lounged in his huge luxurious swivel chair, writing contracts and reviewing which marines to keep an eye on for having their bounties increased. Despite how much he tried to fight it he eventually dozed off .. he dreamt of the massacre again, how cruel both Hawkeyes and The Clown were... how.... beautiful they were.... God, to feel the way Yoru seep its way through his gut....... To be worthy enough to have his death be by her sword.... And Buggy's knives .... After he's licked the blood off them, Crocodile imagines the clown letting him have a taste to ...an indirect kiss on his blade. The blood.... The pain, the bruises, the death. They'd let him be a part of all the destruction and inflict some on the sandman himself if he were lucky.
Then they'd start undressing each other … Crocodile had seen Mihawk in the nude only once before when they had relations after a certain warlord meeting but to see her now after so much has changed for her.. And he's never seen Buggy's true form at all but he can leave it to his imagination… MIhawk's slim body pressed up against Buggy's curves as they kissed each other aggressively, leaving bite marks all over one another's bodies with their discarded clothes, the clown moaning from the swordsman's bites as he scratched her back. Another sign of it being just a dream as the clown would just cry from the bite and Hawkeyes would kill the clown for scarring her back. Then Crocodile would be allowed to join as they would rip off his clothes start biting and stabbing him and then he'd grab the clown flip him over as he kissed her painted lips, biting them and making the red color as deep as his huge nose as Mihawk watched with her bright yellow eyes and then-
Right as it was getting good Crocodile jolted awake from a knock at his door.
He then calmed himself realizing where he actually was. His eyes darted making sure no one saw him react like that... Christ.. Thank god he couldn't get a boner. He recognized the knock as the clowns as it always had a rhythm as if from a song. Ugh, of course it had to be him… He calmed himself first before calling him to come in.
Buggy sauntered in with some pep in his step and happily placed a stack of papers on the big man's desk. “From the fight! It's the list of marines we all just killed eheh.” Crocodile got a good look at ‘em and examined the faces and details of each marine on the papers. “I see… and you think I'd be happy to see this why…?”
“Well you can check their bounties off and you got less marines to monitor and worry over! You're welcome.” He exclaimed happily with a stupid smug grin. “Plus there's a few big names in there too-”
“Clown….” Crocodile irritated cut him off as his hook glinted. “You think that getting rid of bounties is a good thing? The very thing our business relies on…?”
“Uhh…” Buggy began to break in a slight sweat. “Well… when you put it like that…”
A vein began to form on the sandman's forehead, as he rubbed his temple… “What is wrong with you…?”
“What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you!?” He exclaimed. “It's not like I dragged your ass to that battle, you're the one who chose to!” Buggy pointed at him accusingly.
Crocodile gritted his teeth, feeling as if he were caught. He glared at the clown, making him shrink back down. “I don't owe you any explanations…. Get outta here before I shove my hook down your throat.” He threatened as he lit a cigar.
He was warning Buggy instead of actually committing the beating?? Buggy’s eyebrow arched all the way up as if it were gonna fly off his face. Which it could. Crocodile has been too lenient lately ... almost nice for his standards. First he actually followed Buggy's orders to interfere with marines, and now he's letting him off the hook (haha) after that disrespectful outburst!? It was getting weird and kinda creepin’ him out. He knows he should be thankful but what if Crocodile has been taken over or replaced by a devil fruit user!? He'd be stupid to not be suspicious.
Now he knows what he's about to is stupid as shit but he wasn't really thinking right now, frustrated with Crocodiles lack of gratitude. He must've left his brain at home. (Which is an actual possibility.)
He leaned over Crocodile's desk and plucked the cigar from his lips, smoked it, and blew it right in the sandman's face.
Crocodile’s forehead was so veiny he looked like he was ‘bout to pop a blood vessel. He grabbed the clown with his hand by the shirt and lifted him off the ground so he was face to face so close he could see his reflection in that big nose.
Oh. Well guess it really is Crocodile huh…Buggy began to shake, sweat, and maybe even piss himself in the sandman's grip. He chuckled nervously and plucked the cigar right back into the sandman's big mouth. “Uh… I just really needed a smoke, y’know…? You can understand, can't you Croccy baby?” He fluttered his eyelashes as he prepared to get on all fours and lick his shoes.
Crocodile plucked the cigar out his mouth with his hook and examined it. He put it back between his teeth as he took note of the bright red lipstick on it... an indirect kiss. Almost like his dreams.
He grimaced embarrassed by his own thoughts and looked at the pathetic object of his desire from top to bottom.
He threw him to the floor, as the clown squeaked falling on his ass so hard it honked.
The sandman swallowed a chuckle. Buggy was damn good at being a clown, he'll give him that. “Like I said, get outta here… before I shove my hook down your throat…”
Buggy was now absolutely flabbergasted. His jaw literally dropped to the floor. As in it fell off his face and landed right between his legs. He flew it back on his mouth and scrambled to his feet and once again pointed at Crocodile, this time yelling.
“WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!?”
Crocodiles problem? The hell’s this clown's problem!? Does he want him to go back to beating his ass black and bluer!?
"You're the one with the problem here clown.... I outta shut your mouth myself if you don't-"
"NO NO NO!" The clown interrupted. "Don't start those meaningless threats again!!! Empty bluffs are MY thing!!! Got it!? GOT IT!?" He huffed and stamped his foot on the ground, Buggy was getting mad and he wasn't sure why. Is he really yelling at Crocodile for not kicking his ass? What the hell....
Still. The anger and adrenaline really made his common sense fly out the window once more as Buggy whipped out his knives he kept hidden in his cupboard of a body and before he knew it he was launching himself at Crocodile with a chop chop carnival.
Wow he's really stupid ain't he …
Crocodile immediately caught Buggy's foot. Unexpectedly he was stabbed by a mini dagger hidden in the clown's shoe.
Crocodile’s eyebrow arched curiously. So these must’ve been the ones he used to kill those marines… It was ineffective on him however and all it did was make him drop some sand. But he couldn't help but linger on the cleverness, the deceit. It was such a dirty trick to hide a weapon in his shoe..... Or foot?
The clown was hanging upside down swaying side to side as Crocodile examined the dagger in his foot. “....I'm sorry…I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” He whimpered “I don't know why I did that…” he squeaked out as blood began to rush to his head making him feel dizzy.
Crocodile stared down at the sniveling clown that just attacked him. What is wrong with him? What's wrong with both of them ....
Why is he letting Buggy get away with so much.... It's getting to a point. If he lets him get away with it once more it'll be a real blow to his pride.
He sighed before dropping the clown's ass onto his desk as he squeaked. "How do you want it, fool?"
Buggy squeaked again from confusion.
"W..want what?"
"How do you want me to punish you...?"