Chapter Text
High school is where a young boy becomes a man, where you prepare yourself to face the real world and become a proper adult. It should be the time to have fun, make friends, and so much more between all the exams and studying. High school should be the prime of his life!
So why was Phainon so miserable?
"Uugghh."
"What's wrong, Phainon?"
Castorice is much too nice to always ask him what's wrong, because there is always something wrong with Phainon. Always. "Mmm...no, it's nothing." He also always has an annoying habit of playing it off, like nothing really is wrong. "Nothing really...uuuggghhh."
"Guy who's desperate for attention." Hyacine chimes in as she walks alongside them, though he KNOWS she's just poking fun, he still responds with another great big siiighhh. He's just making her point.
"Is it Anaxagoras...?"
"Isn't it always about him? Over him?"
Hyacine is side-eyeing Phainon like it's her JOB and the white haired boy can only straighten his back in response. He clears his throat with an attempt to act nonchalant but both the girls besides him know way better. "It's just...it's been weird, I don't know." Phainon really isn't sure how to explain it without prefacing everything about his and Anaxa's relationship up until now. And he would do it too, he seldom passes up chances to gush about Anaxa.
"Well! If you don't know then maybe Cas and I should juuust -"
"NO WAIT -"
Hyacine's grin makes Phainon feel so small. He huffs because he needs to talk about this and both Hyacine and Castorice have been his friends since they met in their first year. They were already on their third with only one more to go while Anaxa was on his last, being a grade above them which was a whole other can of worms Phainon did not want to think about right now. "Ahem. Lately, I feel like Anaxa has less and less time for me."
"Ah. He is getting ready to graduate and attend university, is he not?"
"well yes! But, I mean it's different. Even when I go over for tutoring, he seems a little distracted? Looking at his phone, it's not just him preparing for finals or anything."
The pink haired girl just tilts her head. "Do you still even NEED tutoring, you're at the top of our class?"
"Not the point. Anyway," It was a way for him to spend more time with Anaxa! No way he'd give it up. "I did ask him if he was okay, like...if he had business to attend to? But he kept avoiding the question."
Castorice hums thoughtfully. "Could it be that it is something he doesn't want you to know about?"
"Ooh! Like he's planning a surprise or...hm. Come to think of it..." Phainon leans towards her, ears perked. "I feel like I saw Anaxa with someone the other day? Aside from you, doesn't he usually keep to himself?"
The way his heart starts beating faster, scared, is no joke. Phainon catches his breath, swallows the lump in his throat and dares to ask. "Like...? With who...? What were they...doing?"
For all her teasing, Hyacine seems to hesitate to say anymore. She shoots an apologetic look at the white haired boy and that tells him enough. The bell rings then, signaling the students to hurry to their next class but how can Phainon focus on that? How can he think about anything else with the possibility that Anaxa, his Anaxa, is dating someone?
Why?
When?
Who?
"Phainon, maybe I saw wrong! I'm sure it's nothing, maybe just ask Anaxa directly?"
Castorice stared between them for a moment before reaching over, delicate in her touch to Phainon's tense shoulder. "Phainon. I agree, it would be good to...talk to him."
The way they both give him pitying looks tells him enough about the expression he must be wearing. Phainon tries to steel himself as best as possible. Anaxa can't be dating anyone, can he? He NEVER expressed interest in it before! He's gotten confessed to before, sure, but he'd always turn them down...it gave Phainon hope that maybe with enough time together, he could sway Anaxa to his side.
But...
"I'll see you guys later, I have to get to class." He attempts a smile and a wave but the pace he sets as he darts off to his last class of the day looks like he's running for his life.
___
After school is usually the best part of his day. Usually. Phainon and Anaxa have always walked home together since they were kids in elementary, and even as they grew, that never changed. They never missed a single day of it.
Even now, Phainon peeks out the school window to see a head of minty green hair waiting for him at the front gates. His heart that would usually flutter feels heavy just as his feet that would pick up to meet him faster are sluggish in their steps. "How do I even ask him? Do I even want to know?" It might be worse if Anaxa confirms it himself...it'd shatter Phainon's world.
He's liked Anaxa ever since the older boy moved in a few doors down when they were both about 8 and 9 respectively. Phainon's parents went over the evening of the other family's move in with neighborly greetings and homemade pie. He remembers how his parents and Anaxa's sister sat and talked over the pie while they left the two boys to play.
Phainon remembers still how wide eyed he was back then...how he'd never seen someone so pretty like Anaxa. Embarrassingly, he still remembers too how he grabbed both of the older boy's hands and promised to protect him. From what? He never specified, but Phainon kept true to his word all those years of growing up.
When Anaxa had been bullied in middle school, Phainon saw red and couldn't even remember what really happened. He heard from Anaxa how he beat up all of those mean kids pretty badly, threatening to beat them up worse if they ever bothered Anaxa again. Phainon does remember being suspended for that and grounded for months for it though.
He had protected Anaxa though, and the black eye and whatever scrapes and bruises he got from it he had worn like a badge of honor.
There were other little moments like that where Phainon took care of Anaxa. He reminiscences about the times Anaxa got sick and Phainon refused to leave his side until he got better, often getting sick himself soon after. About the times they'd go to the arcades after school sometimes and he'd win him whatever dromas merch he wanted, so much so that Anaxa's bookshelf was full of things that only Phainon had won for him. Then there were all of Anaxa's birthdays...Phainon's gifts to Anaxa were always the best, they always made him the happiest! Because Phainon always thought about Anaxa, no matter what.
Even now his mind is full of him despite how much it hurts him to think about the whole situation.
"It's not fair." He's pouting like a child, muttering to himself as his doom approaches and not even noticing the strange looks tossed his way as he does this. "I never even...I mean, I wanted it to be perfect."
Too little too late, Phainon had always wanted to confess to Anaxa. He realized how much he liked him, loved him, a handful of years ago. Yet he always hesitated for some reason...afraid that if he did that the other would reject him and their 10+ years of friendship would be ruined in one fell swoop. The thought of never seeing Anaxa again like they do now was way worse a concept, he'd rather hold his feelings deep in his heart if it meant their current closeness could be saved.
A lot of good that did him!
It only mattered if Anaxa didn't date anyone else!
How could he do this to him? Did he read him wrong all these years? But Anaxa was just as bad as Phainon was!
Anaxa would always indulge him when Phainon sought physical closeness. He never pulled him away when their hands would intertwine as they crossed the street. They started doing this as children for safety reasons, Phainon's idea, but they continued to do it into their teens and even now. They literally just did it this morning!
Not only that but whenever Phainon would come over for tutoring, they'd sit super close! Anaxa would practically rest his head on Phainon's shoulder and likewise Phainon would opt to lean against Anaxa as much as possible. Even when they spoke about their lessons or just in general, their hands would hold, Phainon sometimes doing it idly as a developed habit over the years.
If, and it's a big horrible IF, Anaxa is dating someone...would whoever they are really be fine with letting them continue on like that?
Phainon will know his fate soon, having finally reached the doors that lead to the school gates. He's never felt this terrible before, not sure where to look but it can't be at Anaxa lest he crumble. So he stares agonizingly at the ground or at least, he tries.
"Phainon?" Anaxa's voice cuts through and his heart both swells and shrivels at the same time.
"Mm...yes?" He's staring at the older boy's shoes, noting how clean he always keeps them. How cute...
"What are you doing?"
His breath hitches. "What do you mean?"
"Did you break your neck and can't look up anymore?" Anaxa's words bite through him and Phainon starts to peek his big blue eyes up at the other. "There we go. What's wrong? Tell me."
It is not a request. Phainon swallows and starts to walk with him, not wanting to have this conversation just standing pathetically for everyone still leaving school to see. "Let's...start going home first."
Horrible way to stall but they do start making some way home. Phainon's hope is that he could put this off long enough that maybe they'd arrive at one of their doors before an answer ever came. Anaxa is not the type to fall for that though and he knows it. "Phainon." There it is. Anaxa has this amazing way of sounding like a scolding teacher when he wants.
"It's nothing, Anaxa..." He sighs. No, that's not good enough for him. "I mean. Okay, I just have something I need to ask you."
"Go on then." His mouth opens before it swiftly closes, hearing Anaxa's phone buzz in his bag. His heart begins hammering as he watches Anaxa ruffle through his things, check whatever the message was, and put the phone back down with a zip of his bag.
"Uh." If he had any train of thought, it was lost. "Who...who was that? You've been getting a lot of texts lately, haha."
"It's just someone." That's not good enough.
"Who?" He has to know.
"A friend." Just a friend?
"Who?" Tell him, Anaxa.
"Phainon." Tell him who it really was!
"A boyfriend?" Tell him!
"What? What did you just..."
Oh no.
Oh no, no, no.
Phainon feels a rush of cold heat that runs down his back. What did he do? "I mean! You've been really distracted lately, more than usual. I know it's not just finals coming up or anything. It's because you're talking with someone. You've never done this before, it's different." You're different. "You started seeing someone, didn't you? Who is it? Someone from your class? Mine?"
He can't stop himself. The words are vomiting out of him before he can think twice. He's not sure what face Anaxa is even making at him because he'd rather not know.
"What's he like? Do I know him? Where did you meet him? When did you meet him? Have you already gone on a date with him? Was it fun? So fun that you forget about -" Me?
"Phainon!" Anaxa seldom raises his voice so when he does, Phainon finally shuts up. "Enough." The sigh Anaxa exhales is annoyed, it feels like a nail in Phainon's coffin. Just what did he do?
Phainon can't breathe. He feels like he's dying. He can only stare at the ground, not even sure how far they've walked at this point. "Um." He's not sure he should be opening his mouth either but he does so anyway. "Anaxa."
"Don't, Phainon."
"Please, I'm sorry. I uh -"
"Stop. Go home, you need to clear your head. We'll...talk tomorrow."
Phainon just nods, mutely. Tears are pricking his eyes, making his entire world blurry. He swallows and waits at the crosswalk, looking both ways just barely before hurrying to cross. He misses the warmth of Anaxa's hand in his.
As he spares a glance back, his heart sinks, Anaxa is watching him go with an unreadable expression.
What's worse, he can faintly hear the buzz of Anaxa's phone again.