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The wall looked perfect. The balcony, too. Anywhere he could see that could cause harm drew him in. His fingers were numb, a fluttery feeling that pained him not quite enough. Nothing could quench the thirst for emotion, something to ignite him into a thriving flame or smoldering ash pile. He didn’t mind. Anything would do.
The bathroom tiles were luckily freezing, his legs paying the price his mind could not. His towel was crumpled on the floor, still damp from his hopeful shower. His dirty blond hair was dripping onto the grey t-shirt he had hesitantly put on.
He forced himself upright, holding the doorframe like a final lifeline before braving the seemingly easy journey upstairs, the empty couch welcoming him with open arms. He sat down, reaching for the remote on instinct and not making any effort to stop himself from selecting some mindless twenty-season show to occupy his thoughts, each fifteen-minute episode at a time. He tugged the couch blanket across his bare legs, scattered with goosebumps. His phone buzzed.
‘Did you eat today?’
He would’ve laughed if he had the energy. Charles always cared too much. But Max didn’t need his worry, didn’t deserve his thoughts or concerns. It was a valid question, one to which the answer was no, but he would never tell Charles that. Because if he kept ignoring him, eventually Charles would leave him alone, like everyone else. He was strangely persistent in not leaving, however, talking to him just for the sake of it, replacing his self-hating thoughts with annoyance towards Charles.
He should be thankful, really. It gave him something else to think about. Max had always liked thinking about Charles. Arguing with him, glaring, stolen glances during interviews and events, fights on track, anything really, as long as it was with Charles. He was who Max chose, either and any way. But thinking of him always led him back to himself, because he had to admit, he felt odd things about his rival. Every time Charles insulted him or called him out for things he definitely wasn’t responsible for, his first reaction wasn’t to pick a fight or storm off. It was always to get closer to the other boy, tug Charles towards him, and lean in for a kiss. Max couldn’t count the number of times he’d just yearned to embrace Charles, run his hands through his hair, make his lips hurt, leave his marks across Charles’s body.
But he couldn’t do that. Those were thoughts you couldn’t have for your childhood rival, someone you were raised to beat. When he was younger, he thought the force drawing him closer to Charles was the desire to win, but it was really the desire to have him. Charles could never love him, though. Max was unlovable, a brutal, rude boy who was aggressive both on and off track. He would never deserve Charles. He was such a gorgeous person, a smile and joy in his eyes that couldn’t help but fuel Max. And of course, that disappeared when he talked to Max. He never knew what to say or do, he always got defensive and argued with his rival, because it was the only way to get under his skin. The fiery glare that Charles gifted him was almost enough, something that was still reserved just for Max, something only he could make Charles feel. And that’s all it would ever be.
Charles hated him, it was obvious. And it was all Max’s fault. All his bottled-up anger and anguish were too much for anyone to handle, his dad had told him as much.
‘Answer me,’ Charles texted again. Why did he bother? Max clicked on the messages, letting Charles know he’d seen them but giving no answer, a silent fuck off. Charles, frustratingly caring as ever, did not fuck off.
‘You’re spiraling again.’ Max rolled his eyes. Charles always had this psychic ability, knowing what Max was feeling, no matter how far away they were, and calling him out for it.
‘And why do you care?’ Max finally responded, tossing his phone onto the other side of the couch, giving his attention to the TV show he still knew nothing about. All he gathered from the next five minutes was that all of the doctors were obsessed over a particular man who treated them like shit.
With a sigh, he switched it off, enjoying the silence for a few moments. He was really lost on how to continue the night. He hadn’t had anything for dinner, anything all day for that matter, but he really couldn’t be bothered to make a decision on what to eat at that moment.
There was a knock on the door.
Max swiveled around, startled by the disruption. No one bothered to visit him, especially at this time of night. He sat for a moment, hoping the mystery person would give up.
There were a few hits at the door, the same two rapid knocks. A familiar pattern, similar to the two squeezes on his shoulder he often gets from a particular person. Groaning, he stood up, making his way to the door after quickly combing his fingers through his hair, hoping he looked like he was holding himself together for the most part. He turned the door handle, swinging it open to reveal just who he thought.
‘What are you doing here?’ Max asked genuinely.
‘Hello to you too.’ Charles responded. ‘Are you going to let me in? It’s freezing,’
‘Uh, sure,’ Max answered. It’s not like he could just slam the door in his face and leave him in the dark. Charles was already halfway in the door. He slipped his shoes off as Max closed the door.
‘You look like shit,’ Charles announced with a brow raised after looking Max up and down.
‘And this surprises you because?’ Max asked, unbothered.
‘It doesn’t.’ Charles made himself at home, sinking into Max’s couch. Max sat on the opposite side, never taking his eyes off of Charles, like he was hallucinating and the boy would soon disappear.
‘Why are you here?’ Max tried again, looking at his rival expectantly. They were silent for a moment before Charles answered.
‘I don’t really know, to be honest. I just know that you had a shit race-’
‘Hey! It wasn’t as bad as yours,’ Max interrupted.
‘Shut up,’ Charles said, lacking any malice. ‘That’s not why I’m here. I know that after things don’t go your way, you isolate and blame yourself when it wasn’t your fault. I thought you were wallowing alone. Clearly, I was right.' Charles gestured around him. ‘And I just… didn’t want you to be alone.’ He finished. It was comforting, knowing someone, even if it was Charles, bothered to know him well enough to tell he wasn’t doing too well and to be bothered to come see him. Charles weirdly cared about him, even though Max knew it was just platonic.
‘Well, thanks,’ he smiled lightly. ‘Did you uh… want to watch a movie?’ he questioned.
‘Why not?’ Charles grinned.
They started the film, though Max wasn’t following it too closely, because Charles Leclerc was sitting on the other side of his couch, and it somehow pleased Max. He liked the feeling he got when he was around the Monegasque, and he looked so domestic in his white hoodie, curled up casually, so pretty with his dark curls falling across his forehead. He looked like he belonged here, and Max really wished he did. Charles turned his head suddenly, eyes narrowing jokingly as he caught Max staring.
‘What are you looking at, mon amour?’ He teased.
‘You, obviously,’ He smirked. ‘It’s just weird that you’re here.’ Charles turned his body more towards Max, the movie now background noise.
‘Why’s that?’
‘I’m not sure, I didn’t think anyone would notice I wasn’t doing too well, and suddenly you just turned up. I didn’t even tell you anything. I just don’t really know why you care.’ Charles smirked.
‘Well, you’re probably a little bit too oblivious to notice,’ Max pouted, making Charles’s smirk grow. ‘But I care about you. I don’t know why, but I always have.’
‘Really?’ Max was shocked. ‘Care about me how?’ Charles just held his gaze, smile never leaving his lips.
‘Guess.’ Max stared at him, his thoughts a flurry of unexpected and confused emotions. Was Charles implying what he thought he was implying? Did he really like Max like that? But Charles was still looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to connect the dots. It was always about winning with him, but now it was about winning his emotions, and right now Charles was winning. He had simply waltzed into Max’s house and thoughts, holding an immovable grip over the driver. Max had had enough with letting Charles do this to him, whether he knew it or not. He needed Charles, needed him to be close to him, needed to touch and kiss him all over, and it seemed like Charles wanted that too.
Max closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to his rival’s soft pink ones. Charles’s eyes widened with shock before he blushed, wrapping a hand around Max’s lower back and tugging him closer. Max didn’t hesitate to bring them even closer, lacing his fingers through Charles’s soft locks, deepening the kiss. They moved with a kind of hunger Max had only dreamed of having, Charles being just as desperate for him as Max was. He lightly bit Charles’s lower lip, drawing a soft moan from the Monegaque’s lips. What a sweet sound.
Without breaking the kiss for more than a moment, Charles moved closer, straddling Max’s hips and gaining height over the Dutchman. Max pulled on Charles’s hair tighter, his other hand sliding down the side of the other man’s body. Eventually, Max broke the kiss.
‘Jesus Max. Didn’t think you had it in you,’ Charles laughed breathlessly.
‘Oh yeah?’ Max smirked before moving his head down, leaving a trail of kisses down Charles’s neck. He sucked on a particular spot along the man’s collarbone, a gasp leaving him.
‘Mon dieu, Max,’
‘You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this. Wanted you,’ Max whispers, looking up again to meet Charles’s eyes.
‘Me too. You don’t know the number of times I wished I could just kiss you, could just have you.’ Charles answered, passion in his blazing green eyes.
‘Well, you have me now,’ Max smirked, leaning in to kiss the Monegasque once again. He knew later that they should talk about what this meant, if Charles cared just as much about him, but for the moment, all that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that after years of conflicted feelings for this man, from childhood frustration to teenage attraction to adult yearning, Max’s hope was confirmed. Charles liked him, maybe even loved him, and at least for tonight, they could be together.