Archive of Our Own

It's been a while since Harua has been to the club. The thrumming sound of loud music, loud chatter from the dance floor, he misses this. Being a model comes with its perks, no more clubbing during busy weeks. He is sure some of the models are still doing it, but Harua doesn't think his body is able to handle a hangover and morning schedule at the same time. So, when Nicholas comes up with the rules. Harua gives him a bobble head nod, like a doll he is.

There's a looping baby blue sign ‘Eclipse’ in front of the building. The narrow sidewalk fences off with black velvet rope. The moment they arrive in the nightclub, they face an inevitable late-night queue. Nicholas strides confidently to the black collared shirt bouncer, casually skipping over the line. He talks with the man with a hushed voice, offering him his ID card along with Harua’s. “J'ai déjà une réservation au nom de Nicholas,” The bouncer gives the older man a nod, before reaching something from his back pocket. A wristband. Then finally let them in.

“Passez une bonne soirée, Monsieur.”

“I don’t know if Gege can speak French,” Harua says, holding Nicholas’ arm when slowly walking down from the black staircase. The small entry way only illuminates with strips of light running horizontally along the wall. The club is six meters underground with a low ceiling, the entire floor is strangely well lit despite the darkness surrounding — floor lights casting shadows across people’s faces. There’s mirrors everywhere, on the ceiling, behind the bar. Under the lights, it glints like a pearl. It’s different from the usual clubs Harua would visit back in Japan. It’s less loud, but rather something more intimate. It’s crowded with people chatting and laughing yet it doesn't feel suffocated. 

“A lot of things you didn’t know, baby,” Nicholas softly chuckles. Before entering deeper into the club, he reaches for Harua’s wrist. Clasping the dainty gold wristband for the smaller man, raising it gently to give it a kiss there. “It’s a job requirement.” 

“Hmm, would you teach me someday?”

“Of course, doll.”

In the VIP room, there’s a nest of beige-colored armchairs. They look plush and expensive  at the same time — arranged invitingly in front of the bar that are off-limits for those without a reservation. Nicholas lets Harua choose the seat, the young man happily settles for the chairs that are closest to the dance floor. 

“Anything you want?”

“Blue Lagoon!” Harua enthusiastically says, already imagining the tangy and zesty citrus flavour. He is already sitting down on the sofa, from up here Nicholas can see his shimmery eyeshadow, long lashes seem more dark from the mascara, “Can you ask them to make it extra sparkly, Ge?”

Nicholas laughs, nothing less than what he expected from his Harua. “Sure, baby, let’s see what they got.”

Nicholas comes back not long after that, two drinks in his hands. Extra sparkly Blue Lagoon with a slice of lemon and Boulevardier for himself. He gives Harua the drink when the smaller man makes a grabbing motion. Like a magnet, Harua shuffles his body close to Nicholas. Seeking his body warmth or simply just touching. His sense of space would vaporize whenever he is around him — When does close become too close? When does far become too far? He has this itch. Something sick, probably. That no human would ever want somebody this much. 

Harua wants to be immersed with him, living under Nicholas’ skin only to satisfy the itch. 

The Japanese keep stealing glances over the dance floor, playing with straw inside of his mouth. The dance floor illuminates in dark red light coming from the ceiling and floor interval. The nuances are starkly different with the lounge they are currently in. “Do you want to dance?” Nicholas asks, noticing Harua’ curious peek.

The younger man’ head turns around, facing Nicholas’ with gleaming eyes, “Really?” 

Nicholas nods. The dance floor pulses along the DJ beat, from where he sits, he can see people dancing shoulder to shoulder, hands in the air, losing themselves in the rhythm. It’s a crowded night in ‘Eclipse’ indeed. “Well, why not? It’s been a while since you danced,” Nicholas continues. 

Harua squeals, almost hopeful. “And.. You would dance with me?” Both of his hands are holding Nicholas’ wrist. 

“Oh, princess, you know I don’t dance —”

“None of that! You said it yourself, it's been a while. Come on, come on!” Harua happily interrupts — Popping the cherry from his Blue Lagoon to his mouth, before finally pulling Nicholas to stand. Their size difference makes Harua have to tug him more firmly yet still excitedly jumping on his heels. 

Nicholas half heartedly follows him to the dance floor — Despite being so, a smile can’t be hidden on his face. The dance floor is basically a chaos zone of virtuous vibe. People bouncing on the circle. Harua easily leads him to the middle of the dance floor. A streak of possessiveness runs on Nicholas’ blood when he catches the sight of people staring at the younger man. Nicholas standing closer, hands settled on Harua’ hips. The shorter man looks at him with bright, bright eyes — clasping his hands behind Nicholas’ neck. “Comfy?" he whispers.

As comfy as rummaging through sweating bodies, “Yes,” Nicholas nods. Only focusing with the man in front of him. With a gentle motion, Harua starts to sway his hips to left-and-right along with the beat. Nicholas feels the crowd shift behind him, making his body more closer to Harua. The beats now are slower, intimate now along with their movement. The lights blur into soft colors, Harua laughs under the subtle light when Nicholas stumbles on his toes. 

After a minute passes by, Harua breaks the silence — Raising his voice between the loud thrumming of bass, “Do you want to get out here?”

“Huh?” Nicholas leans his body down to hear him better. 

“I said, do you want to get out of there and, I don’t know, doing something we might regret later?”

Harua drops to both of his knees — too fast probably, with how his brows scrunched in mild pain, “Ouchie.”

“Shit, baby love, you good?” Nicholas asks, breath heavy, ready to pick him up from the ground.

“No, no, I’m fine! I want to do this,” Harua explains, manicured fingers struggling to undo Nicholas’ belt. The older man seems unsure, the thing is.. He never let Harua kneel while giving him a head. It is always Harua comfortably sitting down in bed — His back against a mountain of pillows, while Nicholas kneels in front of him. Hands supporting on the wall for dear life above the younger man’ head when Harua gives him the best blowjob on earth. Something with his angelic imagination that feels tainted if he ever has to kneel for a mere man like Nicholas. The older man fists are unclenched and clenched, trying to gain his composure. Harua wants this. He asks for this. 

Even now his mind is also confusing him. He feels guilty yet aroused looking at the heavenly figure under him. Kneeling for him in the dark alley way behind the club. Harua zips down his jeans, pulling down until it reaches his mid thigh. The brunette flutters his eyelashes, suddenly feeling shy when seeing Nicholas' crotch cladded in a dark brief. 

He shifts on his knees, visibly gulping a saliva down to his throat before finally shuffling closer. He gives it a kiss over the brief, slightly damp from the pre-cum. Mouthing along the thickness of his cock religiously.

His cock being rubbed between Harua’ cheek and his small palm, half lidded eyes looking at Nicholas. “Gege..” He says above the whispers.  “Want you in my mouth.”

Shitshishitshit. And there goes Nicholas’ sanity.

“Please,” he adds after a few seconds like he just remembers his manner. He is Nicholas’ good boy after all. 

“Always so polite to me.”

Harua whines, now sitting on his shins, waiting for Nicholas to remove his brief. The Taiwanese pulls it down, enough for him to tuck it under his balls. With one hand, he gently taps the head of thick veiny cocky on Harua’ lips. Then slowly feeding it to him. “That's right, princess, take it like a good boy.”

Nicholas groans when he is entering Harua's hot cavern. Mind goes blank when he sees Harua gives him a kitten-ish lick around the head. The younger man seems content licking and tracing the vein along his cock. “Fuck. N-no teasing, princess.”

Harua looks at him through eyelashes, mouth slightly pouting in process. Reluctantly nods. He drags his mouth until it reaches the head, letting his saliva drop down, slathering it with the help of his hand. It creates a loud wet noise that Nicholas can't help but groans. And the sight of Harua kneeling in front of him, small hands trying to fully hold his dick doesn't help.

When Harua braces himself to take him deeper, Nicholas gently holds his head. Letting the younger man do whatever he wants, including setting the rhythm. Harua, with half lidded eyes, looking at him as if asking a question: Am I doing good? 

Nicholas choked on his own words, patting down his hair in response. Harua moans around the girth of his length, more. Praise me more. 

“So good, angel, so good for me.” 

Harua lazily bobbing his head down, barely alternates with sucking and holding it inside of his mouth. Content acting like Nicholas,’ cocks in his mouth is like a lollipop. Nicholas holds everything left inside him to not fucks his mouth carelessly. 

When he can't hold it back, Nicholas tugs over Harua’ head, almost pleading — He gets The Designer Wang pleading — “Baby, let Gege fuck your mouth, please, love? Shit. Shit.” 

Harua moans once again, popping it out from his mouth with a smacking noise. Acting as if he was seriously in deep thought, Harua quietly taps Nicholas's dick on his lips, his cheek, creating a slobbering mess of saliva all around his doll face. “Uh-huh. Be gentle,” he croaks. 

Nicholas moves faster in his mouth, Harua weakly bucks his hips into the air — Chasing for his own release. He can feel the tip of his cock forcing it way on Harua's mouth, meeting the back of his throat. The brunette trying to keep his eyes open, looking at Nicholas who's almost losing his own control. More. Gege, More. The pleads come slightly unheard by the older man, with his mouth full it only can be heard as a gargle. But Nicholas is Nicholas, he knows Harua’ needs like the back of his hand, pistoning his hips faster. 

“Shit. Just like that, baby. My perfect doll.”

“Taking it like a champ, you know? Fuck. Fuck. Always know you will be my baby, my princess. My angel.”

It's Harua’ clue to brace himself for Nicholas’ release. The older man would turn out to be a chattering mess when he almost comes. Groans and moans. Nicholas is almost as loud as him. His mouth doesn't stop praising him, worshiping him. It doesn't take long until Nicholas comes in his mouth. 

Harua opens his mouth, showing the white liquid on his tongue, cums threatening to drop down when he disclosed his mouth for too long —  After making sure Nicholas gets a good view of him, he swallows its mouthful gulp. “Aaah,” he opens it again. Showing Nicholas how he devours clean his release.

Fuck. His angel of small death. 

“Fuck, love. That's so hot,” Nicholas curses under his breath. After tucking himself back to his pants, Nicholas gently helps Harua stand up. Positioned his lithe body to the wall, so he can lean into it. 

“How about you?” Nicholas, considerate as ever, asks. Harua dumbly nods, and feels a little bit light-headed. “You cum?” 

“Think so,” he mutters. He lets Nicholas flips his shirt, looking at his own pathetic cock that is trapped inside white panties — almost see through with how wet he is. Harua whines in protest, but hand doesn’t stop Nicholas’ fingers palming his crotch.

“Do you want to take it off?” 

“What? And let you keep them? Pervert.” Harua teases half deliriously, feeling much sober now. Nobody tells Harua that half drunk both from Blue Lagoon and cock would be this good. He jokingly punches over Nicholas' shoulder. The older man responds by peppering his face with kisses. Some light, and some purposefully smacking his lips with a muach sound.

“Hmm, what a pity. Thank you, angel.”

“Now clean me” Harua whines. “My knees are dirty, Ge.”

Nicholas laughs, of course. He takes a clean wipe from Harua's purse. Kneeling down on his knees to clean it properly. A silent guilt creeping on his chest after making his angel acting uncouth in a filthy alleyway. His mind runs a thousand chances to make up for it despite him knowing Harua wants this. But that's one of his best orgasms in his whole life.

Nicholas kisses each knee before standing up. Kiss the boo-boo away.  “All cleaned up, love. I will draw you a bath after we get back home.”

With all his love for a long hot bath, Harua nods. 

“My knees hurt so bad,” mumbles Harua. He purposefully adds a drawl to his voice, walking a few steps behind Nicholas. His knees don’t hurt. But he feels like teasing the other man after what they did earlier. His knees slightly red from supporting his own weight, dirty from the dirt — Which was already cleaned by Nicholas by the way, as best as he got with wet wipes. The older man insists he would draw him a bath after the whole thing, still thinking Harua is too good  to end up kneeling in the dirty alley. Not that he is really complaining about it though. 

Nicholas quickly turns on his heel, “Are you okay, doll?” he says worrily. Harua pouts, slightly swinging his hand bag in annoyance — Somebody give him Oscar right now — “You think?” whines Harua. 

“Oh, doll, I’m so sorry. I will call an Uber, hm?” Nicholas says, quickly looking for his phone inside of the coat. Before Nicholas books the ride, he immediately squeaks, “NO! — Uh, Gege, I mean I’m fine now!”

The thing is, walking together late at night in Paris is romantic. Inside of the Uber with Nicholas over-fussing about his fake knees pain? Not really.  Harua regrets the whim of acts that he just pulled, he just wants to tease him a bit. But, Nicholas being Nicholas seems genuinely worried about him. He can’t help feeling embarrassment from it. Harua secretly already made the ultimate Paris date with the Taiwanese on his mind. And inside of his notes app, and inside of his journal, written with a glittery pen set he got from Taki as a prank gift — Well, surprise! Harua likes it and it makes a cute addition to his journal. 

The ultimate Paris date consists of them, hands in hands, strolling around the city of love. It could be in the daylight, or even late night like this. Nicholas is always abroad with his ideas, including walking around the city even if the destination that they want to visit is far enough. Nicholas rented a nice unit around Canal Saint-Martin. It’s rather quiet and less noticeable here. Also, it’s not far from 7th arrondissement, still achievable by public transports or a cab if Harua ever wants to visit the Eiffel tower. 

“Your knees hurt, Rua,” Nicholas insists. Thumb hovering over the screen. Harua shakes his head, “Not hurt anymore, Ge!” To prove his point, Harua does a small jump, Mary Janes makes a thump-thump noise every time he lands, “See! Not hurt.” 

Nicholas raises his eyebrow, disbelief. “Fine, give me your hand,” he asks. Gently hold his palm open in the air, waiting for Harua to take it. Harua’s fingers feel small, much smaller, in his hold. It’s much softer than his, always smelling faintly of vanilla and peach from expensive hand cream. While Nicholas’ hand is much larger, calloused. His entire palm could easily engulf Harua’ fist. 

Nicholas holds his hand and lets the other man swing their hands back and forth. Harua giggles, though he still has an itching underneath his skin to tease Nicholas more. Harua can feel his imaginary devil's horn start to grow between his hair. “You know, you were being meanie earlier. Fucking my throat like that. What if it's bruised?” Harua gasps dramatically. True to his words, his voice does sound a little bit hoarse.

“And, and, my knees! My body is an expensive asset,” Harua whines. He tugs Nicholas’ hand, demanding for attention. Look at me! Love me! 

Nicholas crooks his eyebrows, really? His baby could be a little dramatic sometimes. “Hmm, is that right? I'm the bad one here?” Nicholas casually adds, two of them can play the same game. Besides, he always has a soft spot for the younger man's whims.

“Yeah. Very baddd.”

Then with swift motions, Nicholas lifts his body by the waist — Easily throwing him on his shoulder. Harua, being surprised with how his head suddenly faced Nicholas’ back, quickly tried to balance his stomach on the older man’s broad shoulder. “G-Gege! Put me down!” 

“I thought you love being carried by me, love?”

“N-not like this!” — Nicholas laughs, full chest laugh. Then jokingly jolts Harua who is being carried like a bag of rice on his shoulder. “Hmm. Can't hear you.”

“Gegeee!!!”

The blond jokingly slaps his butt, “Hush, quiet now. We almost arrived.” 

Harua being Harua, doesn't stay quiet.

Nicholas doesn’t let him down until they arrive in the living room, gently sitting him on the plush sofa. His head is slightly dizzy now, with how his head swings from how Nicholas carried him, yet Harua laughs the entire way home. Nicholas kneels in front of him, buckling off his Mary Jane before finally rolling down the knee-high socks. The younger man giggles, Nicholas never stops treating him like a princess. “Stay here. I will prepare the bathtub for you,” he says. 

While Nicholas is inside the bathroom, Harua humming along to the sound of water being opened, trickling down filling the tub. From the sofa, he sees Nicholas’s back crunches over the bath, checking the water temperature. Harua likes his water piping hot, almost scalding his skin. It’s oddly domestic. “Gege, can I have a bubble too?” Harua quietly yells. 

Nicholas replies, “Yeah, love, a minute!” 

Harua giggles, he really believes if he ever asks for a moon, Nicholas would come back with it and Saturn’s ring on the other hand. Nicholas is right. Paris is made for them. The last few days have been like a dream. The way the sky turns candy pink just before dusk, the way the building illuminates with glow. Harua feels like he is starring in a movie, his own Roman Holiday. Harua, the new face starring the light of his life in your closest theater! It’s cliche, he knows. Paris has a long history of romantic representation. The city is nothing but beautiful surrounded by architecture from the Belle Époque. Terrance packed with chairs and tables, only a few inches apart from the street.  

A name lurked back in his head, Maki. Has he been to Paris? Harua thinks.

“Maki!” Harua excitedly greets when he sees a familiar face appear on his screen. Maki still looks the same, with his blond hair and everything. He remembers how the other man wanted to keep it the same color for a while. Though, his dark roots are now showing in the slightest.

“Hi, Ruru,” he replies from the other side. He is currently laying in bed, looking comfortable in his grey hoodie. “How’s Paris, star?” Maki adds, his voice is hoarse like he just woke up. Then Harua mentally scolds himself, it must be still early in Japan. 

“It’s so pretty! Have you been here?” he cheerfully asks. Maki looks lost in his thoughts, seeking between his memories travelling in Europe before finally answering.

“Paris, hm? I haven’t. You love it there?” 

“I do. Gege brought me to visit many cool places. You will like it here, Maki,” Harua continues. The other model nods, half asleep and half awake. He doesn't expect the brunette would call after he told him about the Paris getaway, the Harua and Nicholas special, the well deserved holiday. Almost thinking the Japanese would forget him but then Maki smiles when Harua tells him about his day, intrigues for asking more about the details. 

“Baby, it's done. Do you want me to stay or do you need alone time?” Nicholas gently asks, he already shed his jacket. He is leaning at the bathroom door, only in his white tank while drying his hand with a small towel. 

The view makes Harua visible gulp, “U-um, Gege can stay!” Before finally his attention back on the phone in his hand. Maki raises his eyebrow, as if asking him what happened? 

“Nico-ge prepared a bath. I know, it's already late. But, it's a bath. Everybody loovee baths.” Harua chuckles. 

“I think that’s only you, sweets” Maki can’t help but give him a bitter-sweet smile. Right, Nicholas is still there. 

“Nah, it’s the best. I have to go now. You should sleep more, Maki! Buh-bye.” With that, Harua ends the calls after Maki bids him goodbye — Promise him he would send more pictures. Then skipping his way to the bathroom across the room, his phone still in hand. 

The bathroom is only illuminated with candles, and the outside city glows from the glass window. Near the bathtub, there's a Diptyque candle, the one that smells like ginger bread — something that Harua doesn’t remember even being brought in the first place. 

He giggles, the whole bathroom feels like he is just stepping in a Parisian bakery, reminding him of his apartment back in Japan. The water is slightly colored with a purple bathbomb, despite being covered with bubbles here and there. 

Nicholas is already sitting on the toilet's closed seat, glasses already gone, giving him a quiet smile. “Thank you” Harua knows it's been a long day, while he is able to turn off his mind while he is with Nicholas — let the older man guide him around the city block — It's different with him, Nicholas has to stay on guard. 

Harua steps behind Nicholas’ open thigh, slowly caressing his face. The Taiwanese grabs his hand closer to his mouth, kissing the inner wrist. The faint smell of Dior Lucky still lingers. A quiet reminder that Harua is his manifested luck, basking in his lucky fragrance. It feels like, if he ever steps in at the Casino tonight, Nicholas would come home with money and dime. 

“My pleasure,” he mumbles. His eyes closed, savoring the soft caress of Harua’s touch.

When Harua finally dips in, he groans in pleasure. The temperature is perfect. He quickly takes a picture, showing his thighs and his legs peeking beneath the bubble. Sending the picture to his roomchat with Maki, with "enjoying my bath! you should sleep more :D” text before giving his phone to Nicholas. He makes a movement with his hands, his feet creating splashing sounds. 

“Are you going to be mad if I sleep here?” Harua asks, tone light, his eyes glinting in mischief. Nicholas by his side, the hot purple water comforting his body down to shoulder, he could fall asleep anytime. 

“Nope,” Nicholas replies, popping the “p.” He stays silent for a while, “But I might tickle you until you're awake” then reaches Harua to tickle him around, the younger man yelps, his giggles are high pitched like a ringing bell. 

A Dream of Little Dream of Me hums softly in the background. The older man would sing the lyrics gently, a comfortable timbre against Harua’ ears while circling his hand in the water. He brushes his knuckles on Harua’s thigh closest to his, playing with the water, and repeats.

Harua looks at Nicholas — who is still focusing on his own world — underneath his eyelash. Paying attention over the man's sharp jaw that is being emphasized with a dimly lit candle from this angle. A bridge of his nose where his glasses usually perched. He is beautiful. 

Harua sometimes wonders, would they meet again in different scenarios? In a world where fame doesn't matter and runways in tatters, would fate be kind enough to let them meet? 

“Do you want to get in?” Harua whispers. Nicholas nods. He moves to strip his clothes, starting with his white tank. He does it gracefully — so casually even, yet he looks like he's put on performance. 

“You can touch, baby,” Nicholas teases. “Keep a picture too, it will last longer.” 

Harua's cheeks reddening in embarrassment. It's hard to not stare when he looks like a walking grace on earth. “Just get inside,” he mutters. Shooting forward gives the taller man a space. 

Nicholas doesn't wait any longer, dipping his body in. He nuzzles on Harua’s hair while his arms naturally find their way on his waist. Now with Nicholas’ behind him, Harua rests his back on the man. Feeling the shared body warmth at ease. “So pretty,” Nicholas mumbles.

He starts peppering kisses on Harua’s neck, shoulders, and everything within his reach. It feels like he gets drunk when Harua’ near him. Harua tilts his head, giving more space for Nicholas kissing him senseless. 

“Can I leave a mark?” Nicholas asks, his voice slightly muffled on Harua’s neck. The younger man, dizzy with affection, only nods. 

He uses his hands to hold Harua's face. It feels a little bit weird since Nicholas is doing it from behind — but the feeling is easily gone when Nicholas starts kissing from the nape of his neck. By just kissing, he slowly trails down to the place where his neck meets his shoulder. 

“Shoulda bought you a necklace, baby. Would look good on you,” Nicholas croaks, forcing his voice to come out. He continues to map Harua's neck with his lips, tracing it gently with his tongue. “You would like that, wouldn't you? I will make sure it's the most expensive piece in the store.” Harua moans. Yesyesyesyesyes — “Anything for my pretty baby.” 

He repeats it again, then bites. He alternates between biting and sucking. Persistent on leaving a mark on Harua's skin. Harua slips a moan when he feels Nicholas sucking too hard, breaking the tiny blood vessels with his doing. 

“Sorry,” — He doesn't feel sorry at all — “Too hard, baby?” he asks. Harua shakes his head, “Wan’ more, Ge.” He asks and he shall receive. 

Nicholas gives him another bite, right behind his neck. Slowly but surely, Harua’ neck starts littered with bites and hickeys. His muse has been on the paler side for the past few months, due an absence of outdoor schedule and cloudy weather — making the marks looking more contrast on his honey skin. Now, slowly with sunkissed he is in Paris, Nicholas feels dizzy every time the kiss lingers.

The view manages to make his blood rushing, colors the tip of his ears red — such a pity Harua can't look at him where he is sitting right now, eyes half lidded, drunk only from kissing Harua — and to his south. His cock stirs in interest, nudges at Harua's behind. Nicholas doesn’t do anything with it, and continues to rest his chin on Harua’s shoulder. 

Harua rubs the arms on his waist, playing with Nicholas’ fingers. He slowly raises it from under the purple water, carefully watching how Nicholas’ knowingly flexes his fingers when he holds the older man's wrist with both of his hands. 

Nicholas’ fingers are longer than his, it's not too thick but it's definitely on the lean side. Harua curiously moves it closer to his face, kissing the knuckles. He breathily laughs, remembering how Nicholas always does the same thing whenever they are holding hands in restaurants when nobody sees. 

He kisses each of the finger's knuckles, before turning the hand over — letting his lips meet with Nicholas's fingers tip, he shyly nibbles on it. Testing how it feels like to be close to his mouth before finally opening his mouth, engulf Nicholas left pointer and middle fingers to his hot cavern.  

The motion startles the Taiwanese, making him jerks but not enough to pull his wrist from Harua’ possession. Harua starts with experimental sucks, feeling the weight of Nicholas’ digits in his mouth. It feels slightly salty, very skin-like yet it doesn’t deter him.

He knows he is always itching to put something in his mouth, craving his mouth to be occupied. It's usually a sweet, a candy, a lollipop that Nicholas always keeps in his back pocket. But this new, Nicholas’ fingers in his mouth feels addicting and mind numbing. 

Harua leathers the digits with own saliva, purposefully making a noisy noise while he sucks it. His tongue slips between the gaps of the fingers, he carefully shields his teeth while sucking it. Nicholas forces his fingers deeper, rubbing them on Harua's tongue. The Japanese make a choking noise. Nicholas lets out a loud groan, “Baby,” Harua doesn’t mind it, keeping bobbing his head down. 

He takes out the fingers from his mouth, watching it now wet with spit. Timidly watching Nicholas’ reaction from his shoulder, tongue slightly peeking, “You can go now, I'll rinse before going to bed.”

As if he’s been struck with magic, Nicholas mindlessly nods. His ears ringing with Harua’ delightful giggles. Ignoring the painful erection, he slowly raises himself from the tub. His body going straight to the shower, quickly removes the bubble shuds with cold water — Might and might not be palming himself under the spray of cold water. Shit. 

The sun pours through the window along with the busy Parisian streets chatters. Harua lazily lunges in bed, his bathrobe is half open – giving Nicholas a view of his pale chest when the Japanese scroll over his phone, looking over a cute cafe for their destination today.

Nicholas, already smartly dressed, sitting in a chair in front of the bed. Happy with his own entertainment of his angel basking in morning sunlight, tangling in white bed sheets. 

“Can we have chocolate for breakfast?” Harua pouts, looking at Nicholas underneath his lashes. It's already noon, but if Harua seems like it is time for breakfast, then it is.

“Anything you want, angel,” Nicholas says, chin on his palm. Harua giggles then jutting his lips forward, as if he is currently thinking something. 

“And.. if I say I want that opera cake from last night?” He adds in a teasing manner, smiling like a cheshire cat. 

“Then we will have an opera cake.” 

Harua nods in approval, then he raises his body — hair slightly tousled from sleep, he sitting on the bed still. “A new car?” Harua asks. Testing the waters.

“I will call the dealer,” Nicholas fixes his posture. Body slightly leaned down over his knees, his gaze piercing into Harua while the younger one was still laughing over the silly banter they shared, “What colors do you want?” challenges Nicholas. Though for a moment there, he already made a list in his mind of what cars Harua would like for a present. 

“You really like me, don't you?” Harua asks, breathless due all the laughter. And that might be the most breath-taking he could get in Nicholas’ eyes. On his most vulnerable with the air is sickly sweet only by his presence, he exactly looks like what Nicholas’ ever wanted. For better or worse. Even though the thought itself almost scared him, in that moment, he is what he wants in all of his tomorrows. 

Harua slowly drinks his hot chocolate, legs  excitedly swinging back and forth underneath the table. True to his words, Nicholas brings him to the popular bakery in the town. It's packed with tourists and locals, but Nicholas manages to find them a small corner with big glasses. The younger eyes curiously move following the pedestrian outside, sometimes making up stories about their days, “The lady over here, I don't think she has a nice day. Her blow out doesn't look really good,” Harua mumbles.

Nicholas nods, sipping his latte, “Hm. I can't see that, how about the man over there?” Nicholas points with his cup. Harua taps his chin, thinking. The man couldn't be older than 30s, frustratedly running his fingers on his hair while answering the phone call. 

“Ohh! Well, maybe he got a call from his mistress? —”

“— In broad daylight?” Nicholas interrupts, he can't help participating in his boy's wild dreaming. 

“Yeah! Scandalous, right? Maybe the mistress said something like; "if thy heart doth bear true love for me, then break thy marriage vow!” Harua mimics it with an old tongue of the Bard theatrical performance, the silly performance gaining Nicholas laughs. His hand instinctively ruffles Harua's hair fondly. The gestures mess his hair a little, but for Nicholas it's an excuse to keep touching his hair. 

“I want you to meet my closest friend,” Nicholas finally says after a while. His fingers fix strands of Harua's hair. The sparkly MiuMiu hair clips glinting  under the morning sunlight. Harua flutters his lashes, catching comfort from Nicholas’ soft touch. 

“M'kay,” he mumbles. 

“That's all?” 

“Yeah, I mean why not? This holiday is also for you too, Ge.” Harua smiles at the other man, he might be spoiled but it doesn't mean he is ungrateful. He knows how much the holiday means for both of them, and he wants Nicholas to enjoy this too. 

He tries to swallow down the jealousy, the fear of not knowing Nicholas better. Who is this friend? Does he know them long enough, before me even? Why did he just introduce me now? 

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

Harua starts to bite his lips, now feeling unsure. Finger slowly makes its way near his lips before ending up in fist, tucking it under his chin. It's okay, Ruru. It's not the end of the world, he tries to rationalize with himself. 

But knowing there's a side of Nicholas he doesn't know yet, feels like it.

☾

Nicholas helps him pick his wardrobe for tonight's dinner. It’s a halter top, his creation for Harua, that is paired with a short black balloon skirt. It’s rather a simple look – Yet accentuate his lean figure and show his shoulders beautifully. 

Harua lifts his foot, gently nudges over Nicholas’ black tie, lips stuck between his teeth. His glittery white nail polish glints under the bedroom light. Nicholas softly holds his ankle, raising slightly to kiss it — Lets out an appreciative whistle when he looks over the peeking white panties underneath Harua’s black skirt. 

“Put my heels on, Gege,” Harua quietly demands. With his sultry looks, who is Nicholas to say no? 

Without further ado, Nicholas kneels in front of the bed. Putting the younger male's foot on his thigh while he reaches for the strapped heels. The heels are delicate, and can't be over 5 inches tall. 

When he's done, Nicholas offers Harua’ his arm. “Ready, Princess?” Harua nods, holding the designer’ arm. 

Nicholas rented them a car yesterday, a nice one. As nice as Designer Wang's taste could get for their short road trip gateway in Paris. It’s still vaguely similar with his Nissan GT-R back home, the 2018 Audi TT RS still has the same sharper and stylish looks. When they arrive at the restaurant, Nicholas tosses the key to the chauffeur with a quiet thank you.

Harua curiously scans the entire room. The restaurant screams luxurious. It has a dark, intimate nuance. Round table covered in white cloth with candelabra. The lights are minimal, yet it feels rich and welcoming. From the other side of the room, there's a jazz band. Instrumental playing lulling and emotional melodies. Still holding Nicholas’ arm, the Taiwanese lead him to the glass staircase. 

His steps are cautious, making sure Harua walks safely with his dainty heels. “Where are we going?” Harua asks. 

“I booked a private seat for us to eat,” he answers. On the top of the stairs, the floor is less crowded. Harua still can hear quiet chatter and jazz from below, but from up here it acts like a white noise for him. The floor is an open balcony with glass railing, offering them a more clear vision of the ground floor from above.

His hands still hold the railing when Nicholas softly calls his name. Harua. Ha-ru-a. He says it in three syllables, each having their own timbre. It always comes as a whisper, as a breath. What is it like to be called like that forever? — Harua comes to him, orbiting around his sun. Nicholas brings him to a curved blue velvet sofa in a private lounge. The lounge has similar nuance with the ground floor, yet more exclusive here with how little people are dining by. 

Then, the sound of heels clacking across the floor catches Harua's attention. From the stairs, there's a woman clothed in black pantsuits, strides to their table with confidence steps. Her black voluminous hair swinging every tread. Dainty fingers holding a purse in her hands.

Nicholas quickly stands from his seat. Button up his suits back like a gentleman while doing so. He gives the woman a knowing smile before finally embracing her in a tight hug. 

Harua's eyes follow their movement — curious, yet confused. His eyes blink fast. Blink. Blink. Who is this woman? Doesn't know what to do, Harua sits still on his seat. Biting his lips nervously. Is she Gege’ friend? 

All he can do is hyperfocusing on Nicholas’ mannerism. How his shoulder looks relaxed. How his hand rubs over the woman’ shoulder. He must look impolite, staring with eyes bigger than saucer — doesn't even bother to stand to greet her. Harua settles on biting his lips, fingers scrunches the fabric of his skirts.

“Harua, this is Kazuha. And Kazuha, this my special partner, Harua,”

Harua sitting still on his seat, hands balling on the skirt. Nods clumsily when the beautiful woman gives him a knowing smile. Special partner, that is what he always introduced. Until now, Harua doesn’t know what to feel about it. He is indeed Nicholas’ partner. His ride and die. His end and beginning. His muse. What upsets him the most is he can’t even be mad about it, be greedy about it — When the sun rises and everything gets tucked away again. Harua would be Nicholas’ partner. Bleak and unhappily. Professional. 

Nicholas introduces Kazuha as his old friend. They met in Japan when he started his career in the fashion world, slowly building his dream brick by brick. It’s the same with Kazuha, now a renowned casting director, has her own journey. Harua stealing glances over the young woman beside Nicholas. He can’t help but appreciate — adore — her demeanor. How she confidently articulates her words. How her hands move to punctuate her story. Harua can’t help but feel shy under her piercing attention. 

The Japanese man hides it by shuffling close to Nicholas. Hugging his arm with both of his hands, trying to catch up their conversation.

“So, Shigeta Harua, am I right? Nicholas told me a lot about you,” Kazuha says after a beat.

A blush creeps on Harua’ cheeks, coloring him in a pretty shade of pink. “Only the nice things I hope.”

“Oh. Only the best. He can’t shut up about you. I think you deserve the spotlight, Shigeta,” Kazuha adds, leaning her body more to the table. Harua giggles — Kazuha is nice. She reminds him of Taki. The kindness she radiates. Most people don’t do kindness to Harua. They look at him with a side glance and doubt, being Designer Wang’ favorite must be easy, they said. Every job being handed on a silver platter – Harua only got the best, nothing less. The blatant favoritism fills the room even when no one says a word about it. It hangs in the air like a thick perfume — lily in the valley and partiality — impossible to ignore. The pattern is too clear, too consistent to be anything but intentional. 

When their food arrives, Nicholas moves to cut the steak into bite-sized pieces, making sure the bite isn't too big and easy to eat. When he is happy with the results, he swaps his plate with Harua. Let the younger man have the already cutted meat. Harua does the same thing with the plate in front of him. Separating the green beans from the mashed potatoes, moving the asparagus and brussel sprouts far away to the plate and letting the Taiwanese have his dinner vegetable-free. 

Kazuha watches them with a soft smile before finally cutting her own steak. “How has Paris treated you so far, Shigeta?” 

“Just Harua please. And it’s been really nice! We are strolling around the town.Trying some pastries. Nico-ge would bring us to watch ballet performances by the end of the week. It’s been an amazing trip,” Harua explains. A smile growing on his face remembering the happy days. 

“No way, you like ballet?” 

“Yeah! It started when Gege introduced me to ballet. I have been loving it since then.”

“I used to do ballet before. Now I’m here.. It's a pretty long story.”

Harua mutters an oh. “I’m sure you make a great dancer.” 

Kazuha laughs, doing a swift motion with her hand as if saying don’t worry. “It’s already in the past. Still a good memory to look at though” — She suddenly claps her hands together. Looking at Harua with bright eyes. “You know what. We should do a sleepover! I can tell you my story and the same thing with you.” 

“That would be so nice,” Harua slightly looks at Nicholas' side. The older man nudges his shoulder affirmingly. He speaks through his eyes, do you want it? Go for it. Harua quickly nods. I want it. 

“It settled then. Mr. Grumpy over here can drop you off to my place,” Kazuha jokingly says. Nicholas frown a little — Which makes Harua laughs, he is indeed a Mr. Grumpy when he wants to be. 

“Hey, hey. Is that how you treat an old friend?”

“Well, you keep frowning like this —” Kazuha makes a gesture of frowning eyebrows with her pointer fingers — “with your pretty partner here.”

“You're just making things up!”

☾

Harua doesn’t remember how it goes like this. Suddenly Nicholas’ hands are everywhere around his body back home. Maybe Harua started it first — Sparks sizzling inside his body like a damn fireworks. Feeling happy their dinner goes alright. More than alright. Kazuha is a nice companion and he is still Nicholas’ favorite. Am I your favorite? Your number one boy? Your star?

Nicholas softly throws his body to the mattress with an oof sound. Doesn’t bother to take off Harua' dainty heels — He doesn’t care about dirty mattresses. They are about to make it more dirty later, what’s the point? The movement makes Harua bounce along with mountains of pillows behind him. Then slowly, Nicholas crawls above the smaller man. Drags his face closer to Harua's.

Tipsy from the wine, Harua lets out a giggle when Nicholas messily kisses him. It's sloppy with slobbering saliva connecting them both. He muffles a moan when Nicholas tries to deepen their kiss more to the mattress. Moves apart, then continues to kiss him again. Again and again. “What's so funny, baby?” Nicholas asks, his breath tickles under the tips of his nose. His face is only a few centimeters from Harua's. 

“Mine,” Harua answers, nuzzling their noses together. “Gege is mine.”

“Hmm, that's right, princess. Yours.”

Harua’ turns to initiate the kiss. Teasingly licks over Nicholas’ lips like a kitten, silently asking permission for him to open his mouth. His tongue easily slips over the seam of his lips. The younger man clings his arms around Nicholas's neck while tilting his head slightly. 

Nicholas dutifully follows his almost lazy-rhythm, his own head feels like filled with a cotton. Once again intoxicated with Harua's touch. Nicholas slips his arm underneath Harua’ smaller waist causing the younger slightly arches, then grabbing it tightly as his anchor when Harua starts to sucks his tongue  messily. Their spits droll over their mouths, down to their chins but nobody seems to care.

Harua now purposefully makes a noise, more loud, more lewd. “Um-uh, Gege — Mmnhh.. Nico-ge.” Nicholas trails his lips to Harua's jaw until to the nape of his neck. Alternates between kissing and softly biting his boy's tender skin.

“Shit, angel, you will be the death of me, hmm? What do you want, baby? Say the words and it's yours.”

“Wan’ everything. Wan’ you, Gege.”

“Everything, huh? Greedy baby,” Nicholas softly mocks. The other man whines deliciously as if saying I'm not greedy. “I can't give you everything, love. It's a little impossible for me to do that, don't ‘cha think?” 

Harua whines louder, feets lightly kicking the sheets underneath. “Gege.”

“Look at you. All spoiled and bratty for me. Can’t even take no for an answer. Whose fault is that now, hmm?” 

Harua moans in response. Nicholas is easily manhandling him to flip on his stomach — Continuing kissing his neck from behind. With his teeth, he starts to unravel the ribbon of his halter neck top. Harua’ body arches in pleasure, slowly raising on his knees to push his behind to Nicholas’ crotch. He repeats the motion once, twice — back and forth — until he can feel cock behind him swelling in interest. 

When the ribbon undone, Nicholas lets it pooled on his waist, “The skirts stay on,” he whispers. And by God, Harua doesn't want it in any other way either. Nicholas continues to mark his skin. Sucking the tender flesh while one of his hands on his waist for support, the other groping his body. Touching him everywhere. The kiss trailing over his spine until it ends on the small of his back. Nicholas adjusts his position, getting rid of his pants and briefs in swift motions – leaving him only in an unbuttoned dress shirt and glasses. 

Harua can feel the older man’s body draping over him, chin tucks on his shoulder. Harua groans when Nicholas pushes his cock between his ass, smearing precum all over it – not caring over the small panties impede his ways. 

“Gege. Gege. Nico-ge,” Harua pants. The friction already drives him crazy, he tries to shake his hips a little. Inviting. “P-please. I’ve been good.”

The other man groans on his ears, hips keep pushing forward — as if he fucking him for real. Harua whines. He feels so so empty. His head shaking in frustration, yet his hips keep following Nicholas’ rhythm. “Ge, n-no more. Gege, wan’ you inside. Now!” he calls, almost half crying.

The blond chuckles. What a spoiled brat. Nicholas fingers found their way near his mouth, tapping them lightly. “Suck, baby. Then, I’ll give you what you want, hm?” Harua frantically nods, opens his mouth a slightest so Nicholas’ can enter his digits. Harua starts sucking the pointer and the middle fingers — Having objects on his mouth calming him a little. Not long after that, a giddy excitement rushes to his blood, knowing Nicholas blindly tucking down his white lace. Nicholas pulls his fingers from his mouth, only for him to gain a whine from the younger man. Why did Gege take them out? “G-ge,” Harua lays his flushed cheek on the soft mattress, teary eyes looking from his shoulder. Despite wanting Nicholas’ fingers on his mouth. Harua still hasn't got what he wants. In his simple mind, if Nicholas takes something from him, it means he would give him something much better, right?

“W-we fuck now?” 

Fingers in exchange for him being split open. That’s pretty much two plus two in Harua’ sluggish mind. Despite his brain almost becoming a smoothie consistency, Harua bats his eyelashes, pouts his small-plump lips. Swinging his butt slightly to the left and right. The tactics seem working just fine with how Nicholas palming is erection. Nicholas quickly rummages through the drawer beside him, looking for the familiar clear bottle.

Harua drowns his face on the pillow when he hears the bottle being unopened, groaning when he feels the lube cold-sensation dripping between his butt. Nicholas slather a generous amount on his fingers, purposefully making his digits messy before gently circling on his hole. “Be patient. Can you do that?” Nicholas asks. 

Harua nods against the pillow. Muffling a quiet yes.

“Words, angel. I can’t hear you.”

“Y-yes! Yes. Yes. I can. P-please hurry,” Harua whimpers. Seeming satisfied with the answer, Nicholas rewards him with pushing his middle fingers inside. He sets the pace deliriously slowly, enjoying how Harua’ greedy hole slowly is sucking him in.

“Good boy.”

Nicholas keeps repeating it, again and again. The motion slowly draws Harua insane — No, no. This isn’t enough! More! His arms slowly get tired, shaking from holding himself in perfect position for too long. Then suddenly, Nicholas forces another finger – opens him more further. The pace suddenly changes, faster. “G-Ge!” Harua moans.

“Shh.. I got you, baby. That must not be enough for you. Poor baby.” — “Let Gege has his fun first, hm?”

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Nicholas' hips don't stop thrusting him, busy chasing his own release. Harua already turned into a slobbering mess a long time ago. The only thing who keeps him still is Nicholas’ hands on his waist. His arms betraying himself, weakly drop to his stomach. Nicholas pulls him upward by his hips, “I’m not done yet, angel.” Harua’ manicured fingers claws pathetically on the mattress, grasping it like a life line.

“G-gege. C-can’t see you — Aaahngh — Wan’ see your face,” Harua cries to the pillow. The pleasure starts building inside his stomach, he can’t see Nicholas face when he fucks him from behind — The thought itself scared him, a little too much, a little too suffocating.  “Wanna cum when see your face,” he weakly pleads. 

Nicholas easily manhandles his body to lay on his back, revealing his flushed red flushed face – His vision already blurry, tears sticky on his lashes. Though really thinking about it, his body must be sticky everywhere. Harua giggles, suddenly feels silly. Being fucked silly. 

Nicholas takes the momentary time to catch his breath, appreciating the view of Harua sprawled hair over the pillow. His bangs damp, sticking on his forehead, mouth red and swollen because he keeps biting it.

“Hi, baby”

“H-hello,” Harua continues his giggles. Biting the knuckle of his left hands.

“You feeling alright, love?” Nicholas asks. His pace is more merciful. Slowly thrusting his cock back inside Harua’ hole. 

“More than alright.” He smiles, showing his bunny teeth. “C-can we stay like this? I don't like when I can't see your face..”

Nicholas nods, both of his hands caging Harua’ head. It almost casual if you ignore how Nicholas seems unbothered with slow fucking Harua now. “Sure, baby. You ready?”

Nicholas pushes his knees together, slowly moving their way closer to Harua’ chest. Without saying anything more, Harua holds the back of his knees with his arms. His face peeking behind his knees, slowly whimpers when Nicholas’ push inside of him. 

Going in-and-out motion, Nicholas pulls his cock leaving only his tip inside — Then slamming his hips into Harua. The smaller man groans in pleasure, with one free hand that isn’t holding his own knees, his palm touching his lower stomach – Feeling the slightest bulge in his stomach. “G-gege, so full,” he moans.

“Yeah? So full for me, aren’t cha?” Nicholas braces himself more on the mattress — Using his knees as leverage to ram deep inside Harua. The brunette dumbly nods, mind stuffed full with cotton. Happy to be Nicholas’ perfect doll. He tries to speak some more yet only pathetic ah-ah-ah sounds that come up from his mouth. 

“G-ge,” Harua weakly calls. He doesn’t mean anything by it, only wants to taste his name on his tongue. Looking for a comfort that by calling him a gege could provide. Another wave of pleasure comes to him when Nicholas pounds him in his sweet spot. He could feel himself dripping, clumsily leaking on his stomach.

Nicholas chuckles, “So sensitive, baby. Look at you.”

The sounds of their skin-to-skin are lewd. A noisy shluck-shluck sounds echoing inside the room. Nicholas doesn’t bother to hide his groans, “So wet for me. Only for me.” When his hold on his knees starts to weaken, Nicholas puts them on his shoulder. Folding Harua’ body in two, making his cock bury deeper inside of him.

Harua’ already crying out from pleasure — Vision blurry by his own tears, his stomach tauts. Nicholas fucks him like he’s hungry, driven by sheer pleasure of owning him whole. 

His mind is basically empty, a chant between Nicholas and Gege echoing in his head. Too cock-stupid  to create coherent sentences. Nicholas’ breaths are heavy in his ears, the same as gone as him too. Muttering a grunts about how good and how tight Harua is for him.

It doesn’t take long for Nicholas to fasten his pace inside Harua. Cock dragging against his soft wall inside. Bullying its way to ramming on Harua’ sweet spot. “‘M going t-to come,” Harua weakly says, looking through his wet and clumped eyelashes. 

“Hm, you do? Me too, baby, can you be an angel and wait for me?” Nicholas asks. Fucking him with now shallow motion. Harua nods — Just agree to whatever Nicholas’ wants. He is his angel. His only angel. 

“Yeah, that’s right. My angel. You like me praising you like this?” Harua moans, more nasally, more higher than before. Nicholas chuckles, mean yet fond at the same time. “Uh-huh. That’s what I’m thinking of, sweet. So pliant for me.”

“Yeah? My best boy, aren’t you. Keep clenching yourself around me, princess. You always know how to make me feel good.”

“Only you, Harua. Only you.”

Nicholas talks him through it, keeping whispering sweet-nothings in his ears. Harua doesn’t remember when he puts down his own knees that now both of them are crossing behind Nicholas’ small back. After a few more thrust, Nicholas pumps his release inside of him. Marking him inside along with Harua cumming weakly over his stomach and his chest.

The older man rides him for awhile, fucking the cum inside of him more deeper. Harua weakly moans from it. “G-gege,” he calls. Nicholas is leaning his body close, holding him tightly in his embrace. 

“Shh. You are doing good, angel. Let’s rest for a bit, yeah?”

Harua nuzzles close under Nicholas’ jaw, not minding the build-up sweat. “Sticky,” he mutters.  

“I know, I know. I will get a clean towel.” Nicholas softly parts their hugs, but Harua is more quick clinging to him. 

“Don’t go away..”

“Hey, hey. I’m just going to grab the towel, baby. Nothing too far, you can even see me from bed.” Harua stubbornly shakes his head. Without Nicholas having to turn his head, he knows the younger man is currently pouting. 

“Fine. Ten minutes, but that’s all. Then I will clean you up, you will complain if I don’t when you wake up tomorrow, baby.” 

Harua knows that. But he also knows he doesn’t want to be apart from Nicholas right now. He only giggles, “I know.” 

☾

Right to his promise, Nicholas drops him to Kazuha’ place the next afternoon. Harua standing on his tiptoes, arms tightly hugging Nicholas’ shoulder, “I will miss you,” he whispers. “Promise you will call?” he whines. Offering a pinky promise to Nicholas. The older man intertwined their fingers together. Kazuha, leaning in front of her door, only smiles. She truly has to get used to their habits.

“Me too, baby. And yes, I will call you.” 

Nicholas looks at Kazuha, his usual sharp eyes gone, and changes with a softer look. “Can I just stay —”

“Nope, Wang, it's a girls night. Now, shoo.” 

Harua tries to muffle his laugh, hiding his chuckles with his hand when Nicholas tries to give her a pleading eyes. It’s usually working just fine to Harua — That’s because his knees would wobble, a yes slips before he even notices. Nicholas has his way with his desperate cat looks, but that’s Harua’ secret. Kazuha firmly shakes his head, “Nope. Go home, Nico. Sleep. I don’t know, do your Nico-things to do.”

They are sitting together in Kazuha’s living room. Harua’s in his striped pajamas while Kazuha in her oversized band shirt. The TV plays a ‘Gossip Girls,’ which is now ignored by both of them – Focusing more on the task, painting each other's nails. It’s Harua's turn to paint Kazuha’ nails. The Japanese man seems focused on perfecting paint strokes on Kazuha’ fingers with tongue slightly peeking. 

In the middle of Blair and Serena’ dialogue, Kazuha opens her mouth, “So, you and Nicholas, huh?” Harua slightly raises his head, his cheeks colored in a pretty shade of pink – Similar to the nail polish he is currently holding. 

“Um, yeah?” 

Kazuha rests her chin in her free hand, she raises her eyebrows. “You seem unsure. Why?” She asks without beating a bush. The older woman shifts her sitting position, leaning closer to the low coffee table with scattered nail polish bottles and gem stones, trying to get him to look up. Harua’ eyes keep drifting his eyes to her fingers, to the floor, to anything but her scrutinizing gaze. 

“No, it’s just.. I dunno. We never make it official,” Harua takes a deep breath. Mentally cursing himself for easily opening up like that — But under Kazuha’ careful and doting attention, Harua can’t help to slip his secret open. “And it’s not like we have to make it official, you know, um.. there’s things.” 

Kazuha nods in understanding, even though it’s easy for her to spot a lie. The way he kept looking away, voice somewhat shaking.  “But are you in lo —”

“Oh. We don’t do that,” Harua closes the nail polish bottles, rummaging around with small boxes of jewels to make his hands busy. He swallows a lump on his throat, “Gege.. Gege is a busy man, you know! Hahaha. And I’m his model, that means I’m busy too.”

Kazuha moves to hold both of Harua’ palms in her hand, “Ruru, can I call you that?” she asks in hushed tones. Harua nods, feeling the sting building behind his eyes. Aching pressure that warns he is second away from crying. He tries to blink hard, but tears are already gathering, threatening to spill. 

“It’s okay! W-we can be busy together,” Harua rationalizes with her, or more with himself. 

“Ruru.. That’s not okay. You are free to express your feelings too.” 

“I want him, everybody can see that. He wants me too, right? But there’s a big wall between us that I don’t know how to explain. I want him. I want him for us. I want him for me.” He tries to keep speaking even though his voice wavers. Quickly wipes at his eyes, breath catching before he manages. “I just.. I just wanted things to be different.” 

Kazuha tightening her grips, “Ruru.” Another sob breaks free.

“There must be something wrong with me. I don’t know. What if, what if he doesn’t want me? What if he wants.. to be with a woman? To have a child and what? fucking continuing his legacy? — And, and, what if he only wants me because I’m easy? The girls on Instagram —” 

“Ruru!” Without realizing, Kazuha is already tightly hugging him. Harua rests his head on her small shoulder, finally letting the dam break. “You aren’t easy. God. You aren’t.”

“They say boys shouldn’t wear skirts. I should stop acting feminine and get rid of my nails. They said I’m practically asking myself for it and Nicholas only —”

Harua rests his forehead on Kazuha’ shoulders. Kazuha doesn’t stop rubbing his shoulder, his back, everywhere within her reach to calm him down. Harua feels bad, his tears now must be soaked in Kazuha’ shirt and before he even apologizes about it, the older woman gives him a smile. “Don’t worry about it,” she says. And a moment when Harua feels calmer, she asks, “What do you think about ice cream?” 

Kazuha brings back a tub of cookies and cream, along with a chocolate bar. Harua takes the spoon from her hand. “Thank you.. I’m just being emotional earlier,” the boy sheepishly smiles. Wiping clumsily the remaining tears with his long sleeve pajamas. 

“Oh, you aren’t doing that with me, sweetie. What you are feeling is valid.” Kazuha eats her chocolate, humming happily when the sweet flavor bursts inside of her mouth. “I just want you to know.. Nicholas would never do that to you.”

“He might be.. mysterious? Have his own way of thinking? All these years knowing him, I still have to learn more about him. Of course I’m not going to defend him, but Nicholas is trying his best everyday. For himself. For you.”

“R-really?” Harua whispers, holding the cold tub of ice cream with both of his hands. It’s cold, almost numbing. Yet it's grounding him. 

“He always talks about you, you know. At first, I was a little bit skeptical. Because come on, Nicholas likes someone? The world might be turned upside down. People are fighting only to be looked at by him. And you Shigeta Harua, you manage to do all of it in one night. You turned his world upside down,” Kazuha explains. Her eyes are distant, but sincere. It feels like she is remembering her memories with Nicholas, clueless Nicholas, when he called her in the middle of night because according to his words, he has found his angel. His heaven on earth. 

“And the fashion world is cruel. I still remember waking up everyday feeling like a shit because people were questioning my ability. Oh, and don’t start with the comments, that one always hurts no matter how many times you get it —” Kazuha once again smiles. Eating her chocolates again before continues, “People forgets that fashion is an art. Your way to express your feelings. And I know it doesn’t make it inevitable from criticism, but you have to remember, do whatever you think is the right thing to do. I see many people I know turned into empty shells after years being in this world. And it’s not pretty.”

“I don’t want to lose you. So does Nicholas.” Kazuha finishes. 

Harua bites his lips. Looking through Kazuha’ eyes — trying to make sense out of it. Waiting for a punchline, or a laugh. But nothing comes out from her mouth. Just her and her unwavering eyes. “How are you so sure about everything?” Harua asks. 

Kazuha gives him a quiet smile. “I don’t. I just think.. You are a good kid. Nicholas is always second guessing about everything but never when it comes to you. I would like to have the same faith as him, you know?”

When Harua doesn’t feel like answering. Kazuha rises from her seat, offering himself her hand. “It’s already late. We should sleep. Unless you want to continue the series?”

Harua shakes his head, “It’s alright. Crying makes me sleepy.” 

“Okay. You’re free to knock on my bedroom anytime, ‘kay? I don’t mind if it is 3 AM. If you need me, you come to me.” 

“Thank you,” Harua whispers. There’s still a lump in his throat, a barbed wire choking on him – But then, a sleep would help. He would wake up in the morning, and everything would be alright. And Harua goes to bed holding Kazuha’ words like a prayer.

☾

Nicholas picks him up tomorrow morning, in his hands there's a bakery paper bag filled with pastries and cupcakes. “For you, Kazuha.” 

Kazuha laughs, “Oh, Nico. You don't have to.” Nicholas only smiles, letting himself in while the woman goes to her kitchen to store the dessert.

“Gege, you're here!” Harua squeaks. His steps are light, almost skipping before jumping to Nicholas’ hugs — Eyes are still swollen from last night. The Taiwanese hold him inside of his arms, one hand on the smaller man' s waist while the other is on the back of his neck. Harua clung to himself like a koala, standing on his tiptoes. “I miss you so so much.” 

“I miss you too, angel. Did you have fun?”

“We did! We're watching movies and painting each other's nails.”

Nicholas gently pry their hugs, but not far enough to let go Harua. Both of his hands nestled still on his waist. “I'm glad you have fun, baby love.” 

“As much as I love you guys, I'm still here.” Kazuha says out of the kitchen. She has both of her hands on hips, gently scolding them. 

“Kazuha! You will miss us when we are back in Japan. Be nice!” Harua yelps, his bunny teeth showing — Oh, he does miss his home now. Kazuha raises her eyebrow, seriously? Then proceeds to laugh. 

“And taint my innocent eyes? No thank you.”

“You should visit us sometimes. Japan hasn’t changed much since you left.” Nicholas moves to carry Harua’ bags on his shoulder. After the bags are set, he helps Harua put on his jacket. 

Kazuha shrugs, for a moment she looks really thinking about it. “I will consider it, Nico. But, I’m glad knowing a familiar face would greet me back home.” 

“Oh, Kazuha. You are always welcome home.”

Nicholas opens the passenger door for him, helping him enter by holding his hand. After knowing Harua is secured in his seat, Nicholas takes a turn to enter the driver seat. Morning settles over Paris in a quiet hush. Cloud stretching thin across the sky. Harua puts his hand on top of Nicholas’ above the gear lever. His hand warm, Harua can't help but smile. Inside of the car like this, they can hold hands freely without worrying of prying eyes. Well, outside too – but they have to be more careful about it.

“Sooo, what did you do when I'm not here?” Nicholas gives him a quick fond look, before focusing back to the road in front of him. 

“Taki called me. He showed me his new recipe, and said we should have dinner together sometime.” Nicholas gently lifts Harua’ hands, kissing the back of it. The younger man's stomach churns — There's butterflies, no, thousand species of butterflies, fluttering inside his body. A butterfly museum inside of Harua, grand opening really soon! Starring Designer Wang. 

“O-oh, sure! We should do that. Taki is a great cook.”

“Hmm. I thought so. We should invite your friends as well. If Taki agrees to it, of course. He has been waiting for a moment to show his cooking skill.” 

Ah, right. Friends. Who is Harua’ friends again? 

“Right! Yeah. We definitely should.” 

Nicholas looks at him again, noticing the slight tone change of Harua's voice. But knowing how the younger man quickly smiles — bunny teeth and all — he chose to not prying. Harua shifts his body more to the driver seat. Leaning his head to Nicholas’ shoulder. It’s a little bit uncomfortable with his body crossing over the gearstick. “Hmm. I miss you.” Snuggling close to him, smelling the familiar perfume the older man always uses. A delicate fresh white floral scent, almost reminds him of lily of the valley. It's not that Harua ever smells or touches one – He giggles quietly — But if he does, it must be like this. 

“You already said that, love.”

“Then I'm going to say it a thousand times again!”

“Really? That's a big number, baby. You would do that for a little old me?” Nicholas teases. His eyes are on the road, yet his gestures — hand on his thigh — make sure that his attention is on Harua. Always. 

“You silly. You aren't that old, Ge.” 

It’s true, though. Harua is aware of their age-gap, age-difference, whatever. Oftentimes, he really doesn’t think about it. Nicholas is older than him, he naturally takes the lead — Decide what is right or wrong. But then, Nicholas is Nicholas. In the best way. When he is tired, snuggling close to him silently asking for him to brush his hair. Or when he is sick — Please, Lord, don’t ever make him sick —  looking like a sad cat and won’t let Harua’ got away from his sight. 

But mostly, Nicholas is always there to pick his broken pieces. When he feels his body rotting — Bruise blooming upon his shins and his thigh. The doctor said it’s a depleted iron, leading to fatigue from anemia. Am I sick, doctor? Harua asks. Am I unsalvageable?  

Yet Nicholas is always there. During vivid dreams and gentle sobs. During “I can’t do it anymore,” “I’m tired,” and “please stay with me.” When the world becomes too much, Nicholas creates a new one for him, made with sparkling dust and magic.

Harua tightens his hold on Nicholas’ arms – His childish mind speaks, I couldn’t let you go. What if I can’t have us? He has seen him without the shimmering sequins — All of those glitters isn’t gold. But God, oh God. Please. Please basking us in gold — Nicholas stripped him bare, leaving his soul uncurl and craving. He wants him until his ribs ache. He wants him until he is sick with desire. 

The sun peeks through the car window, slipping in as a thin, golden beam that slowly widened across the dashboard. It warms the leather seats and paints Nicholas’ face with soft amber patches.

At least out loud,

Harua won't say he is in love.