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Kipperlilly Copperkettle has every intention of playing nice.
She has every intention of playing nice when she walks up to Mazey, past the Bad Kids, to sign-up to run for class president.
She even ignores the whisper of “this bitch” by one of them as she waits patiently for Mazey to respond, responds amicably when they ask her for her name.
“What are you, four different dogs?” Kristin, the cleric, mumbles and Kipperlilly goes silent.
It’s pure shock that keeps her quiet, and even that quickly turns to anger, though she manages to keep the tight-lipped smile on her face, nodding along to the other Bad Kids as if she was apart of the joke and not the target of it.
“I love your pin.” Fig, their bard, said and Kipperlilly offered a smile.
“This is from my adventuring party.” She said, reading through Fig’s tone.
“Oh, sick. Who’s in your adventuring party?”
“You’re in the Buttcrushers?” Kristen said, and Kipperlilly looked at her blankly, trying to figure out what exactly she had done to offend her in the five minutes that they had formally met.
Maybe Kristen had secretly been jealous of Kipperlilly and her friends, the way that Kipperlilly had felt about Riz and The Bad Kids, or maybe she was just an asshole.
“Well, this has been great.” She said, the lie easy on her lips, before she continued on. She holds her head high and refuses to let the mask she had carefully crafted slip.
She pretends not to hear how they all hype Kristen up to crush her in the Student President race, and how they can’t even remember her name.
Simply existing near them feels like an exercise in humiliation, and where it might have pushed Kipperlilly to be better before, all it does now is feed the anger that’s slowly eating her alive.
Lucy would hate the person she’s become.
The thought startled her - she stopped walking, took a second to collect herself.
She tried to shake the thought off but it lingers. Mostly, because Kipperlilly knows it’s true.
“You shouldn’t be here - class starts soon.” Porter said, not even looking to see who was there from where he was prepping assorted boulders for his barbarian students.
Kipperlilly hesitated for a second, caught off-guard, before continuing.
“I met The Bad Kids today. Applebees is going to run for President.”
“We thought one of them would. Why are you here?”
Kipperlilly shifted on her feet, trying to ignore the distinct feeling of being unwanted.
“I just… thought you’d want to know.”
Porter paused, took a break from what he was doing, and walked over to her, put a hand on her shoulder.
“Thank you, Kipperlilly. I really do appreciate it. And the anger you’re feeling right now… hold on to it. Use it. You’ll blow them all away, just not today.”
Kipperlilly nods, taking a deep breath.
“Okay. I… I should go, I have guidance counseling.”
“Alright. And Kipperlilly?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t talk about them in your session with Jawbone. Like I’ve said-” Porter started.
“He’ll always choose them over me.” Kipperlilly finished, and Porter gave her something closer to a genuine smile.
“Good, that’s right. You always catch on quick.”
She gave him a nod, internalized this fact.
She doesn’t know when she started to believe that Porter was the only one that could help her.
Jawbone doesn’t start off where Kipperlilly imagines that he will.
Well, in a way, he does - he asks her all the usual questions: How was her summer? (Good), Was she excited for the school year? (Yes), but then he pivots.
Instead of asking her about her goals for the school year (Becoming class president), he takes a detour.
“How have you been doing without Lucy?”
The question takes her aback, drags her to the present moment as opposed to thinking about the future.
She thinks about her best friend’s body in the clearing near Shimmerstone Lake.
It was a long dark summer for more than one reason.
“I miss her.” Kipperlilly said, allowing herself to be honest. “And I’m angry that she’s not here.”
“Angry?” Jawbone asks in a tone that makes Kipperlilly feel like she’s made a mistake.
“Angry isn’t the right word.” She backpedals, although she knows that it is.
She is angry at Lucy for staying dead. She is angry at Kristen fucking Applebees for coming back to life three times. Most of all, she is angry at herself for killing Lucy in the first place, for getting her party to go along with it.
“I just… there’s a small voice in my head that thinks she’ll just come back someday. That I’ll walk into Aguefort and she’ll be standing there waiting for me.”
Jawbone nods. Writes something down.
“What would you say to Lucy? If you came into school tomorrow and she was there.”
“I would say…” I’m sorry. Why didn’t you come back? Do you forgive me? I would’ve waited by your body forever if Porter had let me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m - Kipperlilly ripped the fidget toy in her hands. She looked up at Jawbone, who had taken notice before Kipperlilly could hide the toy.
“It’s okay. It’s not an easy question.” He said. Kipperlilly shifted uncomfortably. “Anger is a part of grief, Kipperlilly. It’s okay if you’re angry.”
She looks at him, knows that he doesn’t mean it like Porter. “We just have to channel that anger into something productive. Do you have any goals for this year?”
Something in Kipperlilly relaxes as they go back into charted territory.
She pretends to think about the question, doesn’t want to seem overeager.
“Well, I am running for student council president.”
Jawbone’s eyes lit up. So he hadn’t heard that Applebees was running as well.
“That’s great, Kipperlilly! I also see that you’ve found the Rogue teacher, so running for student council president will be a great way to spend your year. I think your junior year is going to be great, kid.”
A small smile appeared on Kipperlilly’s face.
“I think so too.”