Work Text:
It had been a rough start. The whole thing. It had to be approved with HR and Dennis had gotten sideways looks throughout a lot of the first few weeks. Dating a doctor on the night shift? Fine, whatever. No one would bat an eye. Dating two people? Dating two men much older than him who were both in higher positions than he? There were a lot of rumors and a lot of bets before they stopped really hiding it.
Their relationship had been fragile when it started off. They hadn’t told anyone then, just gotten a cup of coffee, the three of them. Dennis hadn’t known how to react. He liked both men fine enough, it had been years since his rotation and he had been in his third year of his residency (now in his fourth). The coffee had tasted horrible, worse than what they had in the break room, but it had been the conversation that Dennis really cared about. How Jack and Robby told him they both found themselves drawn to him. They both wanted to try something. They both wanted him.
Dennis hadn’t felt wanted in a long time.
They talked about his worries, his doubts, the biggest being Dennis didn’t want this if it was just one of them who wanted something with him and the other was going along with it. Because Dennis wanted to start something with the both of them, too. He just thought it would be beyond inappropriate. He thought maybe after his rotation, his feelings would’ve died down. And then they hadn’t. They’d ramped up over the years and Dennis forced himself back. Forced himself away and tried to put some space between all three of them.
Somehow, the two men always figured something out. They always managed to look out for him, drag him along to the cold beers on the bench in the park. Somehow, he’d gotten their numbers. Somehow they had a group chat. Somehow it all came to a head in that coffee shop.
The knuckles under the pad of his thumb are sharp. Dennis knew every groove. Memorized them long before he realized it. The monitor’s are beeping around him and Jack, and while his partner is asleep and okay, Dennis can’t help replaying the start of their relationship over and over again. They hadn’t been close to the PTMC, so they ended up in another hospital. The doctor had asked who Robby and Dennis were to Jack and when they both responded “partner”, she’d raised a brow and eyed Dennis in particular.
An appendectomy should have been a simple procedure, but Jack had bared the pain without letting Robby or Dennis know. He’d put on his prosthetic for their day out (one of the few all three of them managed to get together) grinned and ignored all the symptoms he knew would lead to this. A ruptured appendix with a much higher chance of infection. Dennis wanted to yell at him to never do anything like it again. He wanted to curl up and hold Jack and tell him he loved him and how scared he’d been watching his partner collapse on the sidewalk. He wanted to walk out of the room.
When he’d fallen, Jack had reached towards Robby. It made sense. Robby had been in his life the longest. He had all the necessary information the doctor’s would need and Dennis knew he had Jack’s insurance information in his wallet. Dennis had stared at them as he pulled out his phone and called 911.
He tried not to think too hard about that moment. The words of Jack and Robby from that first conversation rang in his head as the image of Jack looking from him to Robby burned in his head. Dennis blinked hard to get rid of the tears that threatened to fall. He could hold himself together for a few more hours, until they brought Jack home. Then he could probably get himself a quick shower and let everything out in there. Jack and Robby’s place (“Our place, Den,” they insisted more than once, “You live here too.”) had surprisingly thick walls between every room. It meant if Dennis needed to cry without wanting his partners to hear it, he could.
Jack shifted. Dennis looked up from their joined hands, thumb stuttering its ministrations. Jack’s face wrinkled in the way it always did after he woke up from a bad sleep. Dennis couldn’t stop the smile on his face, even as worry gnawed at his chest.
“Hi, babe,” Dennis said. He kept his voice soft so he didn’t startle Jack. Jack groaned and turned to look at Dennis. He opened his eyes, blinking a few times. His brows pulled together and he looked down at where Dennis still held his hand.
“What ‘appened?” Jack mumbled.
“You had an appendectomy,” Dennis told him, “You’re gonna be okay.” Jack hummed as he still stared at their hands. Dennis squeezed a little and ran his thumb over Jack’s knuckles again. They wanted him, he reminded himself. Jack was just out of it because of the anesthesia.
“My husband won’ like you ‘olding my hand,” Jack said.
Dennis tried to ignore the way his heart sunk at the sentence. His mouth went dry and he blinked furiously at the way his vision started to blur. Robby had been the one who wanted to pursue Dennis, then. It made sense with Jack only mentioning a husband and no other partner. Dennis had seen first hand how people acted after anesthesia. He knew, logically, Jack probably only remembered having a husband. But they’d been dating for almost a year now. Shouldn’t Jack remember him as well?
Despite his earlier words, Jack squeezed Dennis’ hand.
“I’m your boyfriend,” Dennis said. He surprised himself with how steady his voice came out. Already, he planned to text Trinity and see if she’d let him crash at her place for the night. Maybe then he could figure out the best way to have a proper conversation with Jack and Robby at a later date.
“I cheated?” Jack asked. He sounded scandalized and Dennis couldn’t stop the smile that broke across his face at the tone. Jack still didn’t pull his hand away, even as a high whine pulled from him. “I’m a cheater!”
“No,” Dennis said, though it felt heavy on his tongue. Did it count as cheating if his husband had asked him to open up their marriage? Or would that make Robby the cheater? “No, you’re not a cheater.”
“He’s dead?! My husband died!”
“Jack, no.”
“Oh my god, he’s dead and I forgot I have a new boyfriend. Baby, I’m sorry.” The door to the room opened and Robby froze as he looked between Dennis and Jack. He held a coffee in one hand and a cup of water in the other. Dennis couldn’t help but notice he didn’t have the candy he said he’d get for Jack once he woke up. “Whoa. Are you my doctor? You’re a hot doctor.”
Robby bit his lip to keep from laughing. Jack’s head lolled back to look at Dennis. He had a forlorn expression that Dennis couldn’t remember ever seeing on his face before. It made his chest tight. He didn’t know if Dennis would be able to leave if it meant that expression would appear on Jack’s face for Robby. Then again, once he realized the “hot doctor” was Robby, Jack would probably let go of Dennis’ hand to pull Robby close.
“I am a doctor,” Robby said as he stepped into the room fully and handed Dennis the coffee, “And I am yours. But I am not your doctor. She’ll be in later.”
“You’re my husband!” Jack gasped. “You’re not dead!”
“Oh, I was dead?” Robby sat on the edge of the hospital bed and helped Jack sit up, adjusting the bed. Jack nodded. He didn’t manage to speak as Robby helped him taking a few sips of water through the straw. Dennis pulled his hand out of Jack’s loose grip, missing the way his face scrunched at the loss as he ducked down to sip from the coffee Robby brought him.
“You were dead,” Jack said after Robby pulled the drink away, “Did I cheat on you? He says he’s my boyfriend.”
“You cheated on me with my mistress?” Robby asked. Dennis winced and didn’t look up from the lid of his cup. He put the joke in the box in his head with the rest of the evidence.
Jack and Dennis never had much contact in the ER. At least, not before Robby started acting a bit more friendly toward Dennis. After that, Jack started engaging in small talk with Dennis during shift change. Asked him how his day went, any plans he had, simple things. But all after Robby.
Dennis chewed on his cheek as he poked the small lip of the lid. He should leave. Let Robby take care of Jack. The man knew how to do so better than Dennis could ever hope to. He wanted to. He wanted to be on the opposite bedside as Robby as he ran his fingers through Jack’s hair and poked holes in all of Robby’s jokes. But Robby was murmuring to Jack and when Dennis looked up, Jack seemed content. Earlier joke forgotten.
“Den?” Robby said.
“I need some air,” Dennis said. He stood from the chair and passed the coffee cup to Robby. He heard Jack say something. He didn’t bother trying to process it. The floor squeaked underfoot as he rushed to find an elevator. He needed to get out. There was too much pressing in from all sides. The hallway felt small and when he stepped into the carriage, the elevator even smaller. He thought he heard footsteps behind him but the doors shut before he could find out.
The elevator dinged its way to the bottom floor. Every number came blurrier than the last. Dennis would be fine. He’d be fine. He just needed clean air. He wanted a smoke. He quit two years ago, eighteen months sober. He didn’t want to break that streak.
Dennis stumbled out of the elevator. The sound of the lobby hit him hard. Everything was too loud. He didn’t hear a damn thing. He rushed out the front doors and the sound of the city came barreling in worse than the sound of the lobby and he needed somewhere to sit out of sight so he let his legs carry him as he wobbled and his back pressed into the brick on the side of the hospital and—
And. And. And.
The breaths came in shaky and slow. He slid down the brickwork as he fisted one hand in his shirt. The other landed on the asphalt beneath him. He pressed hard into the small rocks and felt them dig into his palm. He closed his eyes and leaned his head into the wall.
He would be okay.
Dennis didn’t want to be okay. He’d been doing okay for so long. He’d been doing fine. There were moments that were great, even. Moments with Robby and Jack where the ache in his chest had disappeared completely. Moments where he’d smiled full force and had laughed even harder. Moments that were tainted now that he knew the truth.
A broken sob fell from his lips. He clamped a hand over his mouth to stop anymore sounds from coming out. His chest ached again. Worse without the knowledge he’d be able to crawl into awaiting arms. He fumbled for his phone. He needed to call Trinity. Text her, actually. She was on shift.
There were loud footsteps, rushing footsteps, and Dennis looked up before a tangle of Robby pulled him into a hug. Dennis struggled against the hold for a moment before he realized even all his farm boy muscles weren’t a match for all the work Robby put into being an ER doctor for decades.
“Shit, you scared us,” Robby muttered, “What happened?”
“I’m sorry,” Dennis gasped into Robby’s shirt. He didn’t hold him. He didn’t think he could. “I didn’t mean to—I just thought—Fuck—”
“Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay, baby. Just breathe? Can you do that for me? Deep breath in.” Robby pulled back enough for Dennis to take in a breath of fresh air. It felt too far and before Dennis could remind himself not to, his hands flew to grasp at Robby’s shirt. He needed to be ready to lose that steady contact. It wouldn’t be in his life for much longer. Jack would probably hate him forever for what he’d done to his relationship and that thought made another sob force out of him.
“Another deep breath, baby,” Robby said. His hands cupped Dennis’ cheeks and his thumbs swiped under his eyes. Dennis fought the urge to lean into the touch just barely. It hurt not to. He loved Robby. The callouses he carried from years of work. He’d never not leaned into his partner’s touch before.
“I’m staying at Trin’s tonight,” Dennis blurted out. If he ripped it all off, it wouldn’t hurt as much. Like a bandaid, right? “I think you and Jack need to have a talk. I’ll come by tomorrow after and—”
“Dennis, baby, what?” He had so much stuff at their place. It would probably take more than one trip. He could go when Jack and Robby were in the middle of shift change. He could be quick, get rid of any trace he’d been there. Selfishly, he wanted to pull Robby closer. He wanted to crawl into Jack’s hospital bed and get one more cuddle session in while the man was still stuck in anesthesia and morphine induced delirium.
“Don’t do that,” Dennis complained, “Don’t act confused. C’mon. I came between you two. We never should have done this. I was stupid. I just fucking ruined it and you both know it just—” Robby pulled Dennis closer and he should have pushed away. He should have given Jack the respect owed to not have his husband cling to Dennis like this.
“I know Jack doesn’t want me,” Dennis sobbed, “I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry, but I wanted you both so bad I ruined everything. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Robby. Let me go.” In contrast to his own words, Dennis buried his hands in Robby’s shirt. He hid his face under Robby’s chin as he cried into the mans skin. It made bile rise in his throat as he took comfort in the cologne there and and the scratch of the beard against his brow.
He shouldn’t have Robby like this. Not with what he knew now. Not with how badly it must hurt Jack to have to share Robby. He couldn’t stop from pressing closer; from curling his legs up in a way that hurt but made Robby hold him tighter.
He gasped and choked as tears and snot ran down his face. The last time he’d cried this bad, he’d come out to his parents at fourteen. They’d dragged him to church and told him to pray until it went away. He went there everyday for an hour, praying and hoping God would cure something He’d made with love.
This hurt worse. This tore at his soul in a way his parents never could. He loved Robby and Jack; couldn’t imagine living without them. They’d intertwined, braided together in a way Dennis hadn’t thought possible. But one of those strands hadn’t been real. One of the men Dennis loved so desperately didn’t love him back and it burned cold. Dumped him in ice water again and again as he sobbed into Robby’s shirt.
He’d been so stupid to think he could keep them.
“Dennis, you need to breathe,” Robby ordered. The voice he used in the ER and it made Dennis stop short and choke down a heaving gasp. His hands left Robby’s shirt and his forehead pressed against his neck in a way that probably hurt Robby. He wiped hard at the tears and snot then wiped it on his pant leg. Gross, but better than leaving it on his face for everyone to see.
“I just wanted to keep you both for as long as I could,” Dennis muttered, “I’m sorry.”
“Jack approached me first,” Robby said. Dennis froze. Then squirmed. Robby didn’t want him, not Jack. He shouldn’t be forced to hold Dennis and comfort him when he didn’t even want him. “After he noticed all the signs of me forming a crush. About the same time he realized he started getting doe eyes for my new resident.”
“What?” Dennis croaked. His hands were in the front of Robby’s shirt again. He held it like a lifeline as Robby continued, voice steady as ever in the middle of a crisis.
“Dennis, neither of us forced the other into something we didn’t want. Didn’t we tell you that? Baby, we meant it. We mean it every goddamn day. We love you.”
Dennis didn’t know what to think. He had been sitting in the idea for so long, stewing in it, that to have it confronted full stop like this made his head swim. It made the arms around him burn and the thought of being so far away from Jack while he came to this realization hurt.
“Jack practically shoved me out the door and told me to get you,” Robby said, “I think he said to not bother coming back unless I bring our sexy mistress back.”
“Mistress, huh?” Dennis said. The joke landed, somehow. Robby laughed and Dennis let himself sink into Robby’s hold. They meant it. He’d promised. Dennis tried to think of a time Robby had broken a promise and came up blank. His brain still tried to churn out excuses but for once, Dennis was too tired for them. “I’m sorry. I just…”
“We should have had this conversation sooner, yes. Preferably with Jack.”
“I’m not used to being picked.”
“I know.” Robby pressed a kiss to Dennis’ scalp and he pushed closer. They should probably stand. It hurt Dennis’ legs to be in this awkward position and God knew it hurt Robby’s back. “We still chose you.”
“You went away,” Jack complained when Robby and Dennis walked back into the room. He’d been laying back with his eyes closed. Dennis thought he’d fallen asleep again. He needed it. Still, Jack opened his arms for Dennis like he always did. It warmed the cold in his veins. Robby pressed a kiss to his head again and sat in one of the chairs as Dennis settled for sitting next to Jack and letting his boyfriend wrap his arms around his waist and rest his head against his shoulder. Jack didn’t seem to mind the difference from his idea, content to press against Dennis’ shoulder.
“What happened, baby?” Jack asked, “Your eyes are all watery.”
“I’m okay,” Dennis said, “Had a moment. We’ll take about it later.”
“It was a huge mistake on our part,” Robby said, “We’ll make up for it in a month.”
“Hm.” Jack nodded against Dennis’ jaw. “Hawaii.”
“Jack.” Dennis blinked and looked up at Robby. The older man pinched the bridge of his nose as he leaned forward. He had a slight curve to his mouth that let Dennis know he was still smiling. If not for that look and the way he said Jack’s name, Dennis would’ve thought Hawaii was a nonsensical topic Jack’s brain decided on.
But Dennis knew them better than that. He’d been wanting to go to Hawaii for a while. More so, he wanted to get out of the continuous forty-eight states. He’d felt stuck in the farm and Pittsburgh had been a big enough leap it helped quell the urge to run. Still, he thought it would be nice to go elsewhere. Get a little further than he ever thought he would.
He’d mentioned it exactly once during their relationship. He always considered it more of a fever dream than a real bucket list item. Something that would never happen. But they’d listened. Enough for it to be their anniversary vacation because that was the only reason it would be happening a month from now.
“You remembered?” Dennis asked. Jack pressed harder into Dennis’ side as Robby nodded from the spot on his chair.
“Of course we did,” Robby said, “We want you to be happy.” Dennis’ eyes stung. Jack pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw before any tears could fall. It pulled Dennis back to the fact he should be taking care of Jack right now, not falling back into a spiral.
“Why were you crying, babe?” Jack asked again, “I’ll make it better. I promise. You like my chicken soup? I’ll make you my chicken soup.”
“You’re going to bed when we get home,” Dennis said. Jack grumbled but settled against Dennis’ side. Robby chuckled a little. His fingers brushed Dennis’ knuckles and he opened his hand to let Robby hold him. He squeezed hard and Robby held him just as strong.
“You should sleep,” Robby said, “Both of you, get some rest.” Dennis nodded as Jack hummed, his eyes already closed again. His breathing evened out proper and Dennis didn’t realize his eyes closed until Robby brushed his thumb over his brow like he always did before Dennis fell asleep. It helped burn away the rest of the ache in his chest as he drifted.
The problem with making sure Jack followed the doctor’s instructions was he was a stubborn bastard. That meant if he wanted to use his crutches to get inside from the hospital visit despite being exhausted and told take it easy, he was damn well going to use them. Robby chastised him the whole way while Dennis (didn’t hover, he had his hands in his pockets Jack, see?) followed behind.
They had to pause on the porch for a moment while Dennis held the door open, patient as ever while Jack caught his breath. Robby rubbed a hand up and down his spine until Jack moved forward again. Dennis and Robby shared a look once he made it through the threshold. Dennis gave him a nod and Robby disappeared into the kitchen.
“Guest room’s closer,” Dennis offered. Jack glared at him.
“I can make it,” Jack said. His voice was stiff in the way that meant he was hurting worse than he wanted to let on. Dennis squeezed at Jack’s hip and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“I know,” he said, “Let’s go to the guest room.” Jack’s shoulders slumped and he nodded. It only took a few more minutes to get to the guest room. Once there, Jack all but collapsed into bed. Dennis pressed a kissed to his forehead. He went to turn away, ready to collect a few of Jack’s clothes. He needed comfier ones than what they’d left in. The ones he had on now would only rub and irritate against the incisions. Dennis knew just the ones that would do that opposite and Jack would still approve of.
An arm wrapped around Dennis before he made it even one step. He yelped as he got pulled between Jack’s legs and smothered in his hold. A forehead against his shoulder, both arms around his waist, and Jack’s chest rising and falling beneath him. It all felt right. Like this was where Dennis should be. Of course, he still needed to get his Right proper clothes while his other Right was working on soup.
“You need to change,” Dennis said. He didn’t try to wriggle out of Jack’s hold. There would be wrestling and Dennis didn’t want Jack exerting himself anymore.
“Mm-mm.” Jack pressed a kiss to Dennis’ clothed shoulder. “You were crying. What happened?” A shudder ran down his spine. He thought they had some time before this conversation. Maybe another hour, at most. Dennis didn’t think it would happen now. He didn’t want to lay all his insecurities bare. They still squirmed for attention and nagged the back of his mind.
“It’s stupid,” Dennis said. He knew it wouldn’t work. Jack’s fingers splayed over his stomach and one thumb tucked under the hem of his shirt. The rough pad ran smooth circles over his skin there.
“It made you cry. It’s not stupid.” Another kiss.
They probably shouldn’t have this conversation without Robby. The one with him had been sort of what kick started the whole problem. It had helped Dennis calm down, lay most of those insecurities to rest. Not all of them. Robby got a private conversation, why couldn’t Jack?
Dennis took a deep breath as he steeled himself. His heart thumped in his chest. He knew it would all be okay. Already Robby helped push away so much. It didn’t matter when Dennis had been sitting in it for so long. Long enough it took Jack collapsing for Robby to help.
“You…” Dennis kicked a foot at the carpet, “You reached for Robby. I told you, it was stupid. I just. I spiraled for a minute. I thought you didn’t want me and then you woke up and thought I was your bit on the side.”
“Bit on the side?” Jack poked at Dennis’ ribs. He squirmed then and a short laugh huffed out of him.
“Okay, weird term. Shut up. Point is, it was stupid, and I told you and it’s fine now. So we need to—”
“How would you react?” It made Dennis pause. His brows furrowed as he tried to follow Jack’s train of thought. Nothing came up. Another kick to the carpet. How would Dennis react? He had reacted by calling emergency services, the exact thing someone should do when their significant other collapses against concrete in pain. “If I reached towards you, what would have happened?”
Oh.
For a moment, Dennis thought. His brows pulled together. There were a lot of scenarios that popped into his head. None of them seemed to fit. It didn’t feel fair to attribute what he would have done when he had hindsight. It made him queasy, too. Thinking about Jack on the concrete over and over again. Seeing him curled in on himself before unfurling, just enough, to reach an arm out.
“I… don’t know,” Dennis settled on.
“I didn’t want you to panic,” Jack said. His breath ghost over Dennis’ neck. A kiss pressed there just after. “If I reached towards you, you would have panicked. I didn’t realize… I didn’t think you would get so upset afterwards.”
“I just had a moment—”
“—Where you doubted. And I’m sorry I haven’t been reinforcing my love for you in the way you need.” Another kiss. And another. They kept trailing over Dennis’ skin like he could press his words there and make sure they kept. Dennis hummed under them and tilted his head to let Jack keep kissing him.
This moment mattered. The moment with Robby outside the hospital mattered. Being held mattered. They all compounded and reminded Dennis about the reason they’d even started their relationship in the first place. They wanted each other. They chose each other. None of them were forced into this. Dennis wanted just as badly as they did. And it hadn’t been something one partner had to convince the other of, it just was.
Being picked after a lifetime of coming last, being the choice no one wanted, runt of the litter… It took getting used to. Dennis knew it would take more getting used to. he hoped Jack and Robby knew what they were signing up for. They probably did, way back then. It felt far away and too close, the coffee shop. Like Dennis was there again, antsy, nervous, but excited. Not at scared. Nothing near it. Confident. He had Jack holding him and kissing him and in the kitchen he could hear Robby clicking around. They chose him.
Only one blanket covered the three of them. If they had any more, it would make them all overheat. With Dennis in the middle, he didn’t mind. The warmth never came easy to him. Lucky, he had Jack and Robby pressed against him from all sides. Although they had tried to convince Jack he should be laying on his back for his incisions. It didn’t nothing to keep him from snuggling up to Dennis, front to back, and thick arms around him. To his front, Robby had his head tucked under his chin and more arms wrapped around Dennis. It made it a little hard to breathe, but Dennis knew if he said anything, Robby would tuck in closer. So he smiled instead and wrapped one arm around Jack’s and fisted his hand in Robby’s sleep shirt.
They were okay. They’d talked a little before bed, after Jack ate and took his medication. Apparently, they planned on wining and dining him like the start of their relationship. Something about how Dennis deserved it. He didn’t think so, but they were adamant. He hated the guilt that rolled off them and he had to bite his tongue a few times. It took some effort to make sure they knew they weren’t entirely at fault. Dennis’ own insecurities were to blame as well. It wasn’t easy going from being single to have two partners and said partners had been married long before Dennis even thought about medical school. That had nothing to do with Jack and Robby and everything to do with Dennis needing to shovel his own shit.
They would work through it together. It would take some time, but they were okay now and Dennis knew they would be okay in the future. He snuggled closer to Robby, felt Jack try to pull him closer at the movement. He giggled to himself as he closed his eyes and fell asleep in their warmth.