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Disaster speed dating

Summary:

Soleum interrupts Agent Choi by grabbing his shoulder to bow to the air, forcing him down too.

“Thank you for your hard work. I have a boyfriend now, please tell elder that this one appreciates their consideration,” Soleum says loudly, sparing a glance at Agent Choi, who’s giving him a bemused look out of the corner of his eye.

'Please work with me' he all but internally screams while maintaining his poker face.

Kim Soleum's very caring guardian sets him up with a matchmaker service, much to his suffering.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Kim Soleum looks around at the faceless people milling about, over to neon signs and low sounds of music, then back to Agent Choi’s confused expression highlighted by a strangely angled sunset and inwardly groans.

Not again. Could it be anyone but him?! I won’t live this down.

He puts his head in his hands.

The first time this happened he’d gone to sleep on a normal – normal? Can anything be called normal anymore? – evening after work at Daydream Inc. and had woken up seated at an elegant table facing an expressionless Chief Lee Jaheon.

He slept in sweats and a t-shirt, yet there he was, dressed in a sharp suit he didn’t own and without a mask.

The two of them awkwardly sat through a stilted but elegant dinner, Lee Jaehon eating the food and asking him questions like “Was he finding working at Daydream acceptable?” and “Does he need any additional office supplies?” while Kim Soleum sweated under his collar and pretended to eat by hiding bites of food in the napkin in his lap.

That was just the first “date.” The moment Kim Soleum woke up he had pulled up the entry on the wiki to confirm while Braun asked him what was wrong.

The wiki confirmed his fears. He’d caught the attention of a matchmaker ghost.

And now he’s suffered through awkward “dates” with his colleagues for the past several months.

The second was unfortunately Baek Saheon. They’d both startled awake sitting next to each other in a lazily spinning carousel.

Soleum had forcibly grabbed Baek Saheon’s arm and put it around him, pulling harder when he tried to pull back.

“Please take care of me on this date,” he’d said with a strained smile, leaning into Baek Saheon’s space so he had nowhere to go while he sputtered and pressed against the glass.

Being rude to a date is one of the ways to meet a bad end in this ghost story!

He cheerfully forced him to play hours of carnival games he could tell were safe, claiming that he wanted the biggest prize.

“You fucking ass-,” Baek Saheon had started to seethe before Soleum clamped a hand over his mouth.

“You can do it! The 40th try’s the charm,” Soleum said with a smile.

He’d failed all 39 previous attempts at ring toss due to his lack of depth perception.

He’s thankful the ghost let them go out of pity when Baek Saheon was reduced to a sweaty mess and the giant stuffed alligator he’d had his eye on was still on the shelf.

When he stormed into their living room later that morning demanding that Soleum pay him back for the money spent on the games, Soleum had looked him dead in the eye and said “Is this the kind of boyfriend you are? To ask your date to pay for your time together?”

Baek Saheon had been so flustered he stormed out and didn’t bring it up again. Which was a relief because Soleum would have been in a bind until his next paycheck if he’d forced the issue.

Later he’d left the couple of small items that Baek Saheon managed to win outside his door.

[What an appalling person. How crude to demand payment for your time together! He doesn’t deserve those items.]

‘Yes, but I’d feel bad if he spent all of that money for nothing. Besides, they’re just souvenirs with no powers. But he doesn’t know that.’

The third was Assistant Manager Eun Haje. They’d woken up in the stands of a baseball game and watched as strange entities “ran” the bases and slid by throwing body parts.

He’d described the ghost story with a whisper in her ear while his voice was drowned by the din of the crowd.

They’d tried not to look too hard at the faceless people around them but followed their lead in cheering and booing, and declined the headless vendor walking by with hot dogs.

Once he managed to relax, he had to admit the game itself was somewhat entertaining.

“This wouldn’t be so bad if I had beer or my dream essence collector,” Haje had mused. “Does this ghost know you’re only interested in men?”

The next morning she’d cornered him in the office.

“Where did you even encounter this ghost?” she’d asked, arms crossed.

“I don’t know.” He didn’t.

When she learned Lee Jaheon was the first date she’d doubled over laughing.

Later he thought back to the first encounter with Lee Jaheon and pulled out his phone calendar to compare a different kind of date.

They’d all started after the Cheerful Theme Park.

The dream dates kept coming after that. Each time Braun was incensed that he couldn’t join in.

Supervisor Park Minseong and a walk through a sunny but haunted park where Soleum relied on his cheerful demeanor to stay calm and make it through. Jang Heowoon and a stressful round of screen golf where they intentionally tied to prevent a loss penalty. Jay-ssi and a too-realistic horror movie that had Soleum burying his face in his shoulder to block out the visuals while Jay-ssi ate popcorn.

Then he’d woken up sitting across from someone he’d recently survived Horizon Mountain Lodge and Sekwang Technical High School with: Ryu Jaekwan, also known as Agent Bronze.

Agent Bronze blinked at him, then looked up at the bright lights, and around at the café filled with cats. Faceless customers were petting them and taking their photos.

This matchmaker must be getting desperate, he’d thought at the time, I don’t even work with this man!

“Where are we?” he’d asked, tense, as a faceless waiter was making its way toward them.

“I apologize for the unexpected visit, but let’s enjoy the café,” Soleum had rushed to say with as straight a face as he could muster and ordered for them.

The atmosphere was tense until Kim Soleum explained what was happening on a napkin and slid it over to him.

He didn’t totally relax, but after shooting him an incredulous look he seemed to accept it.

They borrowed an instant, polaroid-style camera from the café and played with the cats while taking cute photos, avoiding capturing themselves in the frames.

At least the date hadn’t been too scary. The cats were perfectly normal until they opened a third eye or bared longer than normal fangs.

They seemed to love Agent Bronze. He gave Soleum a betrayed look when he laughed while three cats attempted to sit on his lap at once.

The morning after he’d immediately shoved the stack of photos into an envelope and burned them in the bathroom sink. He ignored the stink-eye he received from Baek Saheon.

He'd all but forgotten about the matchmaker ghost when he’d left Braun’s studio and began spying.

After his orientation, Agent Bronze had hesitantly asked if he was still being haunted by the matchmaker.

He hadn’t known until now, looking at Agent Choi’s bewildered face highlighted by the setting sun, that yes, I’m still haunted by the matchmaker.

Seriously, that mascot.

When the Blue Mascot confronted him and Section Chief Lee Jaheon in the laundromat, he was finally able to confirm his suspicions.

“Before you go, can I ask if you by any chance hired a matchmaker for me?” Soleum had nervously asked.

Yes

“Why?” he’d blurted out.

Good Child

But Lonely

It had patted him on the head and that was that.

At least, that’s what he thought. Until now.

He didn’t end the contract, he thought hysterically, is this going to keep happening until I go on a date with every man I work with?

“Grapes, where are we-“

Soleum interrupts him by grabbing his shoulder to bow to the air, forcing him down too.

“Thank you for your hard work. I have a boyfriend now, please tell elder that this one appreciates their consideration,” Soleum says loudly, sparing a glance at Agent Choi who’s giving him a bemused look out of the corner of his eye.

Please work with me he all but internally screams while maintaining his poker face.

Agent Choi responds by grabbing him in a crushing side hug when they rise.

“That’s right, this is our fourth date!” he gushes and rubs his cheek to Soleum’s while he tries to breathe. “We’re so busy, it will be nice to have some time together.”

Agent Choi turns his head and kisses his cheek.

Soleum stands there stupefied.

“Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

Agent Choi truly is a star agent, understanding everything right away and diving into the role so fast!

“Yes, let’s enjoy our time together!” Soleum prays the matchmaker can’t see him sweat.

They’re in a trendy shopping and entertainment area that looks like the sort of date spot popular with students.

Agent Choi keeps his arm wrapped around his shoulder and steers them to walk along the plaza they woke up in while he digs through his pockets and pats them down.

No five-color shoe laces are going to be found.

“Of course I don’t have my phone,” Agent Choi whines.

“It’s a dream,” he absently responds. Equipment doesn’t transfer unless you have a special way to bring it in.

“So that’s what happened to your glasses,” Agent Choi says and Soleum tries not to startle.

Shit.

“I didn’t always wear them, maybe that’s why,” he quickly covers and looks for a distraction when he feels tapping on his shoulder.

It takes Soleum an embarrassing second to realize Agent Choi’s moving his fingers in a recognizable pattern.

“What do you know?” he writes with his fingers a second time.

Soleum wraps his arm around Agent Choi’s back and writes on his ribs.

Matchmaker ghost story,” he writes out – Agent Choi barks an incredulous laugh – “Watched. Be polite. Avoid usual things.”

He hums in understanding and gives Soleum a squeeze.

They’ve reached the other side of the plaza. Colorful signs dot entryways and kiosks.

“Well then, we’ve got some time. Let’s go explore until morning,” Agent Choi says.

He won’t take his arm off his shoulder but Soleum doesn’t mind.

There’s no map but the layout seems simple enough. They wander through the sparse crowd of faceless shoppers, a low background noise of indiscernible conversation and pop music around them.

“It’s like it’s stuck in time,” Soleum mutters.

The faceless shoppers are all wearing fashions from a decade or so ago. Twitching mannequins decked in trends from his high school years dot storefronts with entrances that seem to vanish into black voids. Even the music is from retired idol groups.

“Let’s not think too close on it right now,” Agent Choi answers.

He nods in agreement.

“How many dates have you been on so far anyway? Before finding me, of course.”

He can practically hear his wink. He has to take a second to count.

“Seven. You’re the eighth.”

Agent Choi trips.

“That many?!” he exclaims. “Who – don’t tell me they were all those Daydream bastards.”

He’s too familiar with his hatred for Daydream at this point. He tries not to think about the implications after his spy work.

“W-well um, hopefully this is…” Soleum trails off but catches himself and changes his answer for their host. “Are you jealous?”

Agent Choi chokes before responding.

“Well I’m a man, aren’t I?”

Soleum rolls his eyes.

“Look, there’s claw games. Do you want me to win you something?” Agent Choi coos.

Win something for him? As if he hadn’t mastered the art of claw machines to get his favorite merch years ago.

But. This is supposed to be a date. He’ll go along with it.

“Please win something for me, sunbae.”

Agent Choi does not win something for him.

“Seriously, these games are too rigged!” he complains, fishing in his pockets for any leftover coins.

It’s convenient that they arrived with pocket money. He supposes he has to thank the mascot for that too.

“Um, maybe…” Soleum trails off, watching him fail to pull anything else out. “Here, I’ll give it a try too.”

He slides in a coin before he can argue and aims for the small plush tiger near the corner that he noticed him look at between rounds.

“Aiyah don’t waste your money on these things, let’s go do something-“

Agent Choi looks up from searching his pockets to see Soleum tug the tiger out of the dispense tray and then offer it to him.

They stand there in awkward silence.

“Um. I saw you keep glancing at it so I… aimed for it,” Soleum says, still holding it out to him.

Agent Choi’s shoulders slump.

“I can’t believe this,” he mutters and takes the plush from Soleum. “I was supposed to win something for you, not the other way around.”

“It’s okay, you can try again next time,” Soleum says.

“Don’t say things like that to me with a straight face, my ego’s bruised enough,” Agent Choi complains, then gives the plush back to him and turns around. “Put it in my hood?”

He dutifully tucks the tiger in.

“What else do you want to do?”

“If you don’t mind, maybe we can keep looking? I think I saw some candy stores that… maybe…” have nostalgia candy.

Yes, he knows he said to avoid food in this ghost story, but this is different!

Agent Choi grabs his hand.

“If that’s what Grapes-ie wants. Let’s go find one.”

They check out three different kiosks and two stores before he finds what he’s looking for.

There, just inside a decorative display case, is a small bag of nostalgia candy! His eyes stray to the price and he rummages in his pockets to see if he has enough.

“Are those the same candies that Bronze was talking about?”

Soleum adds up the money in his pockets and deflates when he’s just a little bit shy of affording them before a couple more coins are dropped into his palm to round out the cost.

“I didn’t want to spend more on the claw machines,” Agent Choi says with a grin.

Together they buy the candy and Soleum happily gives half to him and tucks the rest into his pocket. For the first time one of these dates has really paid off! And he didn’t even have to spend his own money.

“Who knew a little shopping would make you this happy,” Agent Choi muses and presses a kiss to his temple.

He almost squeaks.

Right, back to the date.

“I saw an arcade a few shops back. Let’s see what games they have,” he says and pulls a bemused Agent Choi behind him.

They’re out of coins but, as he suspects, he’s given a special pass when they enter to play whatever games they want.

He seriously owes the blue dragon mascot a thank you, even if it’s his fault this keeps happening!

They avoid anything that could cause a loss penalty, but single player games with high scores are fair game.

Soleum stands in awe as Agent Choi sweeps the high score table in Dance Dance Revolution, watching him hit the rhythm and steps while barely breaking a sweat.

Is that a handstand?!

“Think you can beat me?” he cajoles.

“No,” he answers honestly, overwhelmed. He doesn’t even try to compete and hands Agent Choi back his tiger while he whines about not getting to see Soleum show off his moves.

The other games aren’t such a washout. They compete for faster racing scores, higher kill counts, the highest rhythm score. Soleum discovers he has better aim and that Agent Choi doesn’t know about secret shortcuts. Agent Choi continues to dominate with rhythm games and, after he squawks about the shortcuts, is soon competing for higher racing scores so much that they egg each other on until Agent Choi carefully throws the last race.

“All tied up,” he says, panting and hanging off the arcade wheel.

“Oh,” Soleum says, leaning back from the chair where he’d been hovering over his shoulder.

He was having so much fun he forgot where they were. He hasn’t been to an arcade since school.

“Do you-“ “Oof, my back can’t take much more!” Agent Choi interrupts with a groan as he stands up and stretches with audible pops.

Like Soleum didn’t see him wipe the literal floor earlier!

“My sunbae truly works hard to keep up with me,” he turns away to hide his laugh and hears instead of sees Agent Choi sputter behind him.

Somehow Agent Choi convinces him that their next adventure should be karaoke.

“O-oh, I’m not a good singer…”

“Come on Grapes, that’s the point!”

“Really, it would be a bad idea.”

“Or a fun idea~”

So here Soleum is, scrolling through cursed options like ■■■■ Shot and My ■■■■■ Will ■■■■.

“I’ll go first,” Agent Choi says, handing him the tiger and nudging him out of the way to quickly scroll to what Soleum realizes is the older section of the catalogue.

I think my parents listened to some of these.

When he grabs the microphone and starts belting out the words to Coward, it takes all of Soleum’s strength to politely clap and cheer along with his over-the-top air guitar performance instead of burying his face into the seat and dying.


Afterward they go back to where they started and watch the unmoving sunset.

When’s it end,” Agent Choi writes on the back of his hand.

Soleum shakes his head.

This is the longest,” he writes back with an apologetic look.

Maybe the date went too well.

Agent Choi turns to face Soleum, an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes search his for a moment, then soften as he leans in.

Ah, is all Soleum thinks, of course.


Soleum wakes up with a gasp, heart hammering, staring at the popcorn ceiling of his crappy motel room with nostalgia candy strewn around his pillow like a halo.


Facing Agent Choi at work the next morning feels like walking to his execution. He debates taking a sick day, then worries about what burden that would cause, then tries to at least get to work early so he can calm himself before he shows up.

But Agent Choi is already there with breakfast.

“Good morning, Grapes! You have some explaining to do~”

Soleum's going to take that sick day after all, but then his stomach growls. He sighs and takes the food and drink that he’s still holding out for him.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” he says.

“What am I thinking?” Agent Choi asks.

“That it has something to do with Daydream,” Soleum sighs again.

“Then what’s going on?” Agent Choi says, leaned against his desk, trapping him in so he can’t escape.

“It um. Well.”

His face heats.

How do I say that my self-proclaimed elder thought I was so pitiful that they want to help me find someone? And to Agent Choi, no less!

He can’t figure out a way around this. It’s just… embarrassing.

“The blue dragon mascot from the Cheerful Theme Park hired it for me.”

Agent Choi stares at him like he’s grown a second head.

Soleum doesn’t elaborate.

“Huh. So… do you kiss all of the guys that you go on dates with?”

“N-no! No, it’s not like that – “

They’re interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

“Oh, you’re both already here. Good morning,” Ryu Jaekwan calls from the doorway.

“Morning Jaekwan!” Agent Choi calls back, eyes not leaving Soleum’s. “Grapes here was just telling me all about his matchmaker friend!”

“You too?” Ryu Jaekwan asks. “Did you also visit a cat café?”

Agent Choi’s head whips around so fast he thinks he hears a crack.

“You – you too?! But, Grapes, ah, don’t tell me you –“

“I didn’t kiss Agent Bronze,” Soleum says, exasperated.

Ryu Jaekwan drops his bag and gapes at them.

“You kissed?!”


Later, when he can’t dream but he can think, Soleum remembers the fun he had with Agent Choi, the way he held him, the smell of his detergent, the sunset reflected in his eyes, the taste of his mouth. If he could feel gratitude, he thinks he would be thankful he’s no longer human enough to miss him.

Notes:

Thank you to Legundy for beta’ing! 😊

This could have been shorter but I had fun writing all the dates. It was especially fun bullying Baek Saheon.

Instead of destroying it, Choi had the tiger plush investigated for contamination and kept it when it cleared. (Jaekwan kept the photos too.)

This is the over-the-top song that Choi sang (thanks to my friend for the suggestion!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci5vvE-Acpg

Come yell with me on x/twitter about gsgw: x.com/app3as3