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Taeyong remembers everything; his past and all the mistakes he made. That was awfully awful, he doesn't want to live with terrible memories follow him around, but of course he can't help it. It happened, no matter how much he says and feels sorry, it has happened. Period.
Taeyong also remembers how some people reassure him that everything is going to be okay, not to mention all the loves he receives from fans and his band mates. It calms him down at times, he feels like he still has people around who believe in him and stay with him despite the mess he once created. Sure, he's relieved that people start to accept him, but sometimes it's the certain Lee Taeyong, he himself, who thinks he doesn't deserve such attention and love. He even feels wrong when people say, I'm sorry you have been through this, and I'm sorry that you feel bad of yourself, and I'm sorry the only thing I could give is love. Because he thinks he's more pitiful, and pathetic, and really isn't it him who should say sorry and not the others?
He remembers all of that, in every second passes by, in every tick of clock, in every breath he heaves--but then Kim Dongyoung happens in his life, and he forgets everything at once when Doyoung lies next to him on his bed, at night after a long day spent in the dance practice room.
Taeyong snuggles up to the younger, inhaling Doyoung's scent that is a mix of shampoo and peach soap he used earlier. His breath hits Doyoung's face lightly, as the younger stirs a little to face him. They share a comfortable silence for a while, before Doyoung breaks it with an obviously tired voice, "Hyung." Taeyong hums, closing his eyes slowly but Doyoung knows the elder isn't about to sleep yet. The orange-haired boy lifts his left hand up and put it on Taeyong's cheek, caressing the skin softly with his thumb. "Hyung," he calls one more time and Taeyong opens his eyes as a response, "I always think that you are enough."
It's different. Doyoung is different. Taeyong doesn't expect to hear something other than sorry or it's okay, because that's what people always say to him. So he stays silent, and feels the softest kind of warmth starting to form inside his chest, and spreading all over his body, wrapping him entirely. It's warm, Doyoung is warm, and Taeyong likes how he feels right now.
"You are enough," he hears Doyoung repeating the words again, "enough, to love and to be loved." If it's not the way Doyoung's expression changes and how the younger now brushing his thumb on his cheek almost frantically, Taeyong will not ever realize that he's crying. He blinks the tears away, only to get more and more and more droplets making their way on his face; mostly end on the tip of his nose, and on the pillow he shares with Doyoung. He sniffles and gives up on stopping the tears, snuggling closer to Doyoung and wrapping his arm around the younger's torso, his face bumping onto Doyoung's chest.
"Enough. You are enough, Hyung. You should know that."
Doyoung keeps repeating the words until he falls asleep, they fall asleep, almost together. Doyoung keeps repeating the words every night after that, before they shut their eyes close, before sleep takes them away, before Taeyong could think otherwise.
He's enough, yes, he is.
--
"Hyung, are you home?"
"Yeah, about an hour and half ago."
"Is Donghyuck there?"
"There's no Donghyuck here, you know that."
"I mean, uh, Haechan. Gosh, sometimes I feel I won't get used to calling him as Haechan."
"I feel you. By the way, yeah, he's here and already snoring. Loud. Not like yours, all soft and isn't really audible."
"You miss me being your roommate, right? I know you do."
"Yeah. Maybe. Stop laughing, Dongyoung."
"Sorry. Hyung, aren't you tired? Why haven't you slept yet? Am I bothering you, or even interrupting your sleep? Or perhaps you haven't washed up yet? Or--"
"Chill, kid. Yes, I am tired, but I've taken a bath and you are not interrupting anything, I'm just not asleep yet."
"Why, though? Go sleep now, Hyung."
"I was waiting for you. Don't you have something to say before I'm asleep?"
"Ah,"
"Yes, Doyoung, you know it."
"It annoys me to not be able to say this directly to you, I mean, I have to make a big effort to move from bed and grab my phone, and press buttons--"
"Yah, Kim Dongyoung!"
"Okay, sorry. Goodnight, Hyung. Sleep tight. Also,"
(This is what Taeyong waits for.)
"You know that you are enough, right?"
"Yeah. I know."
(He smiles, because, yeah, he knows. He is enough, he has always been and will always be.)