Chapter Text
Noelle cuddled up to Susie on her bed. Part of her still couldn't believe that they had been a couple for nearly five years now. It was strange, having gone from world saving fantasy heroes as teenagers to ordinary gay twenty-somethings and all the mundanity that came with it. Still, Noelle was thankful for the life she had managed to help build for her and her girlfriend, even if it wasn't as exciting as fending off eternal darkness.
The couple had just finished watching a cheesy horror movie, the usual way they spent a night in. This particular movie, a slasher taking place at a conversion therapy camp, was rather infamous on Dumblr for how bad it was.
"Wow, Kris warned me about this one, but it was worse than I thought. I mean, the characters were totally underdeveloped! And the pacing was off, there was the cold open kill, another kill in the middle of the movie, and then the rest were back-to-back-to-back! Plus the only scene with any tension at all wasn't even a kill. And that ending, cheezus, who thought of that ending?! Do we really need any more movies with a 'getting revenge on the villains makes us just as bad' message? G-gosh! That movie just… just…!" Noelle ranted to a half listening Susie.
"Sucked shit?" Susie finished, able to say any vulgarities Noelle preferred to avoid uttering.
"Yes, thank you, that's a good way of putting it," Noelle agreed.
"Heh, yeah… speaking of sucking though… mind if I?" Susie asked, eyeing her crotch.
Noelle's face immediately turned red. Normally she'd be happy to receive oral from Susie but lately her bottom dysphoria had been getting worse the closer it got to her orchiectomy appointment.
"Um, I don't know Susie…" she started to say. "S-sorry, I just… I'm so close to this surgery! I kind of… don't want anyone looking down there until after it's over with," she apologized.
"Oh, yeah, totally, you don't have to feel sorry for that at all babe," Susie offered a sympathetic understanding. "Damn though, that's not until like, another two weeks from now, right? And then it'll probably take at least a week to recover from that… guess I won't be giving you head for a while, huh?"
"S-sorry…" Noelle mumbled.
"Hey, like I said, it's cool! Plenty of other things we can do!" Susie said with a smile.
"Faha, yeahhh, that's definitely true," Noelle cooed, snuggling up even closer to Susie.
Susie smirked as she shifted her body, repositioning herself to hover over the already blushing doe. She ran her claws down Noelle's chest, eliciting whimpers of excitement from her lover.
"Yeah, like I could tie you up," Susie teased in a sultry voice.
"Ooh, and then what?" Noelle asked flirtatiously.
"And then I'd…" Susie froze as she tried to think of a possible next step.
Noelle could think of approximately a million things she might want Susie to do to her while tied up. Her mind went wild with fantasies but she wanted Susie to be in complete control right now and thus kept her ideas to herself.
"Um… I don't know what I'd do actually," Susie awkwardly said.
"Faha, I'm sure you can think of something sweetheart," Noelle prodded.
"Oh! How about a little waxplay, heheh," Susie snickered.
"…I think we're out of candles," Noelle replied with a bit of hesitation. "Last time we tried waxplay you kinda… ate them afterwards…"
"Oh yeah," Susie remembered. "Oops."
"Maybe bondage isn't the move tonight faha… maybe we could try like… a bit of roleplaying?" Noelle suggested.
"That works," Susie said. "Teacher and schoolgirl?"
"A little too weeaboo-y, don't you think?" Noelle rebutted.
"Good point. Uh, doctor and patient?"
"Medplay only hits for me when I'm actually feeling a little sick, faha."
"Hmm… sexy… Cat Petterz roleplay…?" Susie asked while stroking her chin.
"…How do you make Cat Petterz sexy?" Noelle responded in complete confusion.
Even though Susie was easily the more dominant of the two, she was never really any good at coming up with original kink ideas like Noelle was. Thinking over ideas proved difficult but she wanted to give her girlfriend something she could work with. And that's when it suddenly hit her. That awful movie they had watched might have been good for something after all.
"Wait. Wait I think I got it. What if we pretended we were at a conversion camp?" Susie asked.
"Oh?" Noelle asked. "I'm… listening," she added.
"You know, like in the movie, we're two queer women at gay conversation therapy sneaking away for a quick fuck before the counselors find out," Susie elaborated.
"That sounds… kinda romantic actually, faha, let's try it," Noelle said, curious as to what would come from this scenario.
Susie and Noelle didn't need to do much to prepare considering they were already in nothing but oversized T-shirts and underwear. Susie made the first move, pulling Noelle closer to her and bringing her in for an extended kiss. Noelle fiddled with the waistband of Susie's boxers as Susie began to stroke Noelle's hair.
Susie pulled her lips away from Noelle. "Better hope nobody catches us my little doe," she whispered.
"Faha, yeah, we'd get in so much trouble…" Noelle giggled as she played along.
"Heh, what do you think they'd do to me?" Susie asked.
"Gosh, I don't even know…" Noelle whispered, sticking her hand in Susie's boxers and beginning to stroke her clit. "Probably try and evangelize to you about how you need a man to support your family. I'd hate to see my beautiful butch be turned into some sort of tradwife," she said as she stuck two of her fingers inside of Susie's pussy.
Susie started to moan as Noelle touched her, almost caught off guard at how turned on she was getting already. "Mmm, yeah, I'd probably get off easy compared to you though. They'd probably throw out your hormones and force you to wear a suit and tie or some shit like that…" she said, thinking about what Noelle's hypothetical punishment would be.
Noelle shuddered at the thought but also found herself beginning to get hard, surely from eliciting Susie's low almost growl-like moans. She pulled Susie's underwear all the way off of her, Susie responding by spreading her legs to give Noelle easier access. She could barely contain herself once Noelle repositioned herself and started licking her clit.
Something about their little scenario was striking a chord with both of them. Noelle's movements were extra needy, her tongue gliding effortlessly against Susie's sex. Susie for her part was panting much more intensely than she normally would, the throbbing sensation in between her legs growing with every stroke from Noelle.
"Hah… glad they haven't gotten to you… I don't know what I'd do if you were a guy," Susie moaned.
A tingle ran down Noelle's spine upon hearing that. She paused eating out Susie, instead choosing to go back to fingering her more as she passionately kissed Susie. "Thankfully they haven't straightened you out yet, faha," she whispered in Susie's ear.
Susie hungrily reached out towards Noelle's chest, pinning her down and groping her breasts in a tight squeeze. Both women couldn't stop themselves from moaning, their roleplay coming to a quick but immensely satisfying conclusion. Noelle could feel Susie's orgasm, her fingers now wet from Susie's sudden finish. Susie, still mindful of Noelle's bottom dysphoria, left the wet stain on Noelle's panties alone.
The pair basked in the afterglow of a mutual climax, catching their respective breaths and starting another makeout session afterwards. Susie's suggestion proved to be a resounding success, although now that it was over both women were left wondering how and why that roleplay got them hot and bothered that quickly. As they got up to get ready for bed, Susie showering while Noelle took her nightly progesterone dose and brushed her teeth, they each decided they'd rather lazily cuddle together before drifting off to sleep than explore their newfound fascination. For now, their desires would go unexamined, and they would happily fall asleep in each other's arms.
A couple of days had passed since that roleplay and the scenario still stood out in Susie's mind. Sex with Noelle was always amazing in her mind but that night in particular was something else entirely. It was why when she was home alone, her girlfriend at work, she preoccupied herself with her vibrator. She thought about all the ways Noelle enticed her, how good her tongue felt against her lips, how flustered her moans sounded, how…
How her vibrator was already out of batteries.
"Oh son of a bitch…" Susie muttered to herself, frustrated to be interrupted almost as soon as she had started.
She stumbled around the house to look for batteries. None in their nightstand. None in the junk drawer in the kitchen. She really wished she had bought a rechargeable one instead, especially as the remote to their TV took a different type than her toy. And she wasn't about to get dressed and walk to the shop, by the time she got back she probably wouldn't even be horny anymore. She groaned, admitting that the vibrator for now would be a lost cause, and pulled out the box from underneath their bed that contained her and Noelle's sex toys.
As Susie tossed her vibrator aside, making a note in her phone to buy batteries later, something caught her eye. Her strap on. Susie had used the dildo plenty of times on Noelle, but between penetration not being something Noelle was comfortable doing and Susie preferring her vibrator anyway, she had never really considered inserting it into herself before. But she did enjoy the feeling of her and Noelle's fingers, so it wasn't like penetration would be a completely foreign feeling. Plus, Noelle certainly made penetration seem enjoyable with how noisy she got.
Susie reluctantly removed the purple dildo from the harness. She went to grab a towel from the bathroom, laying it on the bed. She sat down in the middle, spreading her legs and readying herself for insertion.
"A-ah… fuck…" she couldn't help but whisper under her breath as she felt the tip inside of her.
The feeling was different than being fingered, the thickness of the dildo providing a much more intense feeling. She took things slow, both out of embarrassment and because she didn't want to risk any bleeding happening from going too hard too fast. As she adjusted herself to the sensation, she began to push the dildo further inside of her, letting out tiny gasps of air and faint moans the deeper she went. She was left full on panting by the time she had fully inserted the toy inside of her.
Now that she had proven she could take the entire six inches comfortably, she could begin to actually masturbate with it. She soon found herself reaching a comfortable rhythm, sliding the dildo in and out of herself at a steady pace. She closed her eyes and began to use her imagination to fulfill her fantasies.
Her mind instantly went to Noelle at first, as to be expected. Although she found it difficult to keep her mind on her girlfriend. After all, Noelle was the most submissive monster Susie knew. Plus, Noelle's dick was a couple of inches smaller than the dildo, even when fully erect. As much as she loved Noelle deeply, imagining her at the other end was simply too immersion breaking.
Oh well. Masturbating to someone other than her girlfriend wasn't cheating or anything. Especially since it wasn't a specific monster, just a random nondescript butch woman she constructed in her mind. Now that she had the proper inspiration, Susie could get more into it, thrusting the dildo inside of her a little harder and a little more rapidly. She was getting wetter by the second, the thought of getting fucked being too alluring for her to not get turned on.
"I-I'm such a good girl for you…" she moaned aloud, her visions getting more intense.
"Of course you are, such a good girl for daddy," she pictured the imaginary monster the dick inside of her belonged to saying.
Susie may have been butch but she would never refer to herself as daddy during sex. And she didn't know any women masculine enough to pull it off. She shuddered a bit, dildo still inside of her, as she wondered what could have prompted her to think that.
"Because you're not imagining a woman, are you?" the voice taunted.
What the fuck? Was she really imagining herself having sex with a man? Why would Susie, a woman who had only shown interest in other women before today, be picturing that? She tensed up as thoughts of guilt and shame flooded her mind. But the feelings weren't enough to stop her from being on the precipice of orgasm either. She kept pleasuring herself, trying and failing to cast aside the thoughts of a man having her way with her. A cocky… dominant… handsome… man putting her in her place. Taming the rough and brutish dyke into the perfect submissive girlfriend. As much as she wanted to protest, cast side those thoughts and go back to masturbating to her beloved Noelle, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Not when she was this close.
"T-take me daddy!" she instead cried out into the empty room as she climaxed, thankful that nobody would ever hear her utter such a thing.
Susie took a moment to remove the toy inside of her and compose herself. She needed a minute to mentally process what she just came to. She swallowed the lump in her throat and the uneasy feeling she was left with, doing her best to ignore everything. It was just an idle fantasy. It didn't mean anything. She was a lesbian. She had to be with how madly in love with Noelle she was. She repeated those thoughts as she made her way to the shower, cleaning the dildo and tossing the now wet towel into the hamper. This would be a one off incident which Noelle never had to know about.
Noelle had the apartment to herself for a bit while Susie was over at Kris's. As much as she enjoyed spending time with Kris and Susie together, she was more of an introvert at heart and needed a break from their shenanigans every now and then. So she was content to spend the evening with a bowl of popcorn watching anime.
She settled on one of her childhood favorites. It wasn't a surprise that an anime centered around a gender bending protagonist would have been appealing to Noelle as a kid. Watching the transformation sequences with Dess was one of the earliest egg cracking moments she could remember. She still remembered how much she had to beg her parents to let her dress up in a homemade replica of the main character's princess costume for Halloween that year.
Her transition had been just about the smoothest a trans woman could ask for. She came out at such a young age, around ten or so, and received nothing but support from her friends and family. Even Carol, as overbearing and traditional as she could be, accepted Noelle for who she was almost instantly. It was because of her that Noelle was able to have went on puberty blockers and had access to hormone replacement therapy as a teenager. If anything, it was surprising that she was only now about to have an orchiectomy, she probably could have gotten one as early as eighteen if she wanted. But she wanted to be absolutely sure that bottom surgery was a need for her, so she waited.
After grabbing a fistful of popcorn, she focused her attention back on the television screen. She rolled her eyes a bit. Of course, just as soon as she started watching again, it was now time for her least favorite part. The transformation sequence that undid all of the changes and reverted the protagonist back to male. Normally she'd go so far as to skip it entirely, fast forwarding through it. But she was comfortable and couldn't find where she had sat the remote down right away, so she let it play through.
Considering how she usually skipped it she didn't notice how… detailed the transformation scene was. She knew how drawn out the female transformation scenes were, but figured that was done for fanservice and that this show she remembered liking wouldn't be so blatant as to have two extended transformation scenes each episode just to pad the runtime. But sure enough, the animators made sure to show the process of breasts turning into a flat chest, muscles becoming more toned, and jawline chiselling into a more masculine look.
A strange thought crept inside her. She was surprised at the lack of discomfort she was feeling. After all, she was more or less watching a character detransition in front of her, considering she preferred to headcanon the protagonist as a trans woman. And yet when she finally did find the remote instead of skipping to the next episode she instead felt compelled to rewind what she had just watched. She stared intently at the scene again. As she continued watching she couldn't help but feel herself start to get hard.
"Oh no… no no no no. Don't tell me… come on…" she pleaded aloud.
She had been through this process many, many times. Discovering a new fetish wasn't new territory for Noelle, and at this point it was easier for her to say what she wasn't into than to list out all of the things she was into. But this should not have been one of them. She had skipped watching this part for literal years at this point and now it was giving her an erection. What could have possibly changed in the meantime to warrant such a massive shift?
Shit, it was that roleplay from the other night wasn't it?
She rewound the scene again, only this time instead of just focusing on the characters on the screen she let her mind run wild and imagined herself in that role. How she would feel if all of a sudden all of the changes hormones had done to her body had been erased. To go from a woman who passed basically flawlessly back to being a man.
It made her dick throb with an intensity she didn't know she was capable of still feeling.
Noelle grimaced, knowing that the thought wasn't going to leave her head unless she did something about it. She sighed as she took off her skirt and panties. She looped the transformation sequence once more, touching herself as she watched each change. Every action that played out on screen was becoming part of this new kink of hers.
And once something became a kink for Noelle, it became the only thing she wanted to think about until she could literally come to her senses again. The horny part of her brain wanted to cut her tits off right then and there. She whimpered at the thought of being referred to as a boy again, to have the world see her as such. It had been so long since she had been accidentally been called dude or sir by a random passerby that instead of an uncomfortable reality, it was now a thrilling and erotic fantasy.
She could feel herself getting close upon watching the protagonist's figure become more stocky. To go from having almost an hourglass figure to a dad bod drove Noelle insane. She imagined all of that fat redistributing away from her hips and butt. The thought of completely ruining the feminine body type she had, something she exercised almost daily for to ensure she kept, just to end up as some average looking man. It was enough to send her over the edge.
Noelle was able to calm down significantly after that. She quickly put on a different show, not wanting to risk getting herself worked up again. She tossed the blanket she had gotten her cum on to the side, figuring she will wash it later that night. It may have been a more sudden and intense orgasm than she had anticipated, but she reassured herself that all of this was just fantasy. It was not like she could or even wanted to detransition for real. She was perfectly happy as an out and proud trans woman with a supportive girlfriend. No need to let a weird impromptu masturbation session get in the way of that.
Susie didn't want to think about the other day. And yet it was all she could think about. She felt horrible, secretly having fantasies about men while in a committed relationship with another woman. And it wasn't like she could just talk to her about this either. Susie may have been cis with a limited understanding of gender dysphoria, but she knew well enough that she absolutely should not tell a trans woman that she had been picturing a guy while they had sex. She worried that Noelle might have noticed, as she too seemed awkward and shy around her.
They weren't going to have to break up or anything over this, were they? For as much enticement as the thought of being with a man sexually had been for her as of late, there was nobody she wanted to spend the rest of her life with more than Noelle. She was the perfect girlfriend. A kind, supportive, empathetic woman who helped Susie see the good things in herself. To throw all of that away over a stupid sexual desire of hers would be the most boneheaded move a monster could do.
Still, she was worried. It was not normal for a self described lesbian to be spending this much of her time thinking about what it would be like to have sex with a dude. As she stared at the pride flag on the living room wall, she couldn't help but wonder if she was truly a lesbian after all. Really, the only reason she glommed onto that label was because the only monster she's ever dated was a woman and the purple flag with a labrys in the middle screamed Susie. If she could experiment with a man, would she feel differently?
She felt like an idiot typing in "am i bisexual quiz" into the search bar as if she was a teenage girl experimenting with the same sex for the first time and not a fully grown woman in a loving relationship with another woman. In fact, she couldn't even bring herself to hit enter.
She sighed. If all of this was just fantasy and she didn't actually want to experiment with someone else, would the label even really matter? But then again, maybe part of her did want to try someone else.
She had no idea how to broach the subject of nonmonogamy with Noelle. When making things official the pair had decided to be exclusive to one another. Both of them were secretly jealous about the other possibly having feeling for Kris, a misunderstanding that thankfully got rectified years ago. Since then, the subject hadn't come up. If only there was some way Susie could find out what it would be like to flirt with a guy without actually having to see a guy.
And then an idea hit her. Susie hated herself for what she was getting to ready to type.
"ai boyfriend explicit 18+"
"Great now I'm destroying the planet because of this stupid shit…" she grumbled.
She stared at the labrys flag on the wall once more, questioning if she really wanted to do this. Continuing to have it hanging up while she was trying to find the least ethically questionable way to cheat on her girlfriend with a man almost felt like a mockery. She momentarily got up from the couch, tearing the flag off the wall before returning to her laptop, ready to fully commit to her virtual experimenting.
"heyy um ive never rlly… been with a man b4… and i want 2 know what its like… can u help me out?" she typed, red in the face as she hit enter.
With that message sent Susie had officially stooped so low as to flirt with a chatbot behind Noelle's back. Consumed with guilt, she tried to immediately exit out of the tab before the bot could respond, reasoning that if she didn't look at the reply that wouldn't constitute as flirting. Alas, she glanced her eyes at the response before she could do so.
"Of course. All women should experience the wonders of being treated like a princess by a man."
Susie's heart started racing. She knew it was a contrived response from a computer and yet it was turning her on anyway. On all levels, this was absolutely pathetic and Susie knew it. And yet she still found the idea so tantalizing. She needed more.
"heheh well im sure my girlfriend wont be happy about this…" she typed.
"She doesn't need to know about us. If she can't satiate your desires, it's only natural for you to turn elsewhere."
The fact that enough users were essentially cheating on their partners with AI chatbots that this was a response the bot had ready to go was extremely disheartening. And she had to live with the fact that she was one of them now. But the bot was right about her having desires that needed to be satiated, and she was going to be sure those needs were met.
"listen. i just need someone who will… straighten me out. think u can correct a lesbian?"
"You're not really a lesbian if you're asking me to flirt with you, don't you think?"
The message drove her crazy. Being flat out told she wasn't a lesbian was exactly what the dirtiest part of her mind had hoped for. She could feel her legs getting weak as she reread it. She was basically swooning and already typing her next response when Noelle walked into the living room, noticing Susie excitedly tapping away on the keyboard.
"Oh hey babe, whatcha working on?" Noelle asked.
"N-nothing!" Susie insisted, terrified that Noelle would find out what she had been getting up to while she was blissfully unaware in their bedroom.
"Faha, come on, if you're watching porn or something let's just watch it together silly," Noelle giggled, making her way over to the couch.
"U-uh, yeah sure thing, let me ju- OH FUCK IS THAT A BUG?" she shouted before abruptly punching the screen, startling Noelle and destroying the evidence.
"…Oops, it was just the cursor. Aheh," Susie said with a flustered look on her face.
"Susie, you gotta be more careful, that's the third time you've done that! Here, get dressed, we can go out and I'll buy you a new one," Noelle said in an exasperated tone.
Susie breathed a sigh of relief. It was best if Noelle didn't know about any of this. She didn't want to unintentionally make Noelle insecure or anything. And as long as this stayed just a fantasy and she wasn't seeing any other monsters, she could keep telling herself that what she was doing wasn't wrong. All she needed to do was keep this shameful kink to herself.
Noelle's mind couldn't keep still that afternoon. Or the past couple of days, for that matter. All she could think about was how much some perverted part of her wanted to give up everything relating to her transition. The more she thought about it the more she realized this was something she was fully capable of doing. Her own self control, which was weakening with every passing thought, was one of only two things stopping her from detransitioning for real.
Susie was the other.
After all, Susie was a lesbian. Noelle might have been happy to completely cave into some wild kink fantasy but it wouldn't be fair to spring that on her girlfriend. Besides, Noelle wouldn't go so far as to actually completely undo everything related to her transition just because she let some kinky roleplay and stupid anime get to her head. That would be an insane thing for anyone, especially a woman who had been out for over a decade, to do. It was just something fun for her to think about.
Neither her or Susie said much as they cuddled. Part of her wondered if Susie could tell if something was eating away at her. It was even possible that Susie breaking her laptop wasn't an accident and that she was searching for advice. She had heard about lesbian couples breaking up after one of them came out as a trans guy. This was kind of like that, right? In a certain sense if she detransitioned she would be FtM, just with an extra Mt at the start. Maybe Susie was looking up cases of that happening as a parallel to what Noelle would be putting her through, although she didn't know how Susie could have known about her fantasies.
"Hey uh, you have to do your estrogen shot tonight, right?" Susie asked out of nowhere.
Noelle panicked on the inside. Her hormones. Susie must have noticed that Noelle wasn't taking her progesterone tablets. She wasn't planning on doing her injection tonight either. She just wanted to go a week without them and then her kink would be satisfied. It wasn't like going off of them for a week could do much harm, right?
"U-um, yeah, it is, t-thanks for the reminder Susie. I'll um. Do it later, faha," she nervously laughed.
"Of course," Susie said, gently caressing her hair.
She couldn't believe she was inadvertently wrapping her girlfriend up in this. If Susie knew how far this had spiraled out of control, she would almost certainly break up with her. And if Susie was already asking about her hormones, Susie might have already been aware of the situation. The least she could do would be to explain why she had been feeling off and reassure her that while this was a fantasy of hers, she wouldn't force her girlfriend to indulge in it if she didn't want to.
Noelle swallowed her pride. She should probably just, well, man up for lack of a better term, and be completely honest with her girlfriend about what she had been thinking lately.
"Hey Susie, um…" Noelle started to speak. She was nervous. So much so that she couldn't just come right out and say what she meant right away.
"Y-yeah?" Susie responded, sounding just as awkward as Noelle.
"D-did I… um… ever tell you my deadname? B-bit of a random question, I know!" Noelle asked, internally kicking herself that she felt the need to dance around the subject first.
"Uh. No, you haven't. I don't know why I'd need to know it."
"U-um, well! We've been dating for an awfully long time, so it's kind of weird that you don't know it, don't you think?" Noelle asked.
"…I guess?" Susie responded in a confused, almost offended tone.
"It's um… Nicholas. You know, like, Saint Nicholas? Gotta keep with the festive naming convention, faha…" she explained.
"Alright," she stated flatly.
"So… um, what do you think of the name?" Noelle prodded.
"Why would I have thoughts on it? It's not your name anymore," Susie said.
"Right, of course not! But like… I dunno… if you were to slip up and accidentally call me that once in a while, I wouldn't mind, you know?" Noelle said with a nervous look on her face.
"What the fuck? Why would I do that?" Susie asked, shifting away from Noelle and clearly uncomfortable.
"I mean, everybody makes mistakes with names and pronouns sometimes!" Noelle tried to reassure her girlfriend.
"Well I fucking don't!" Susie raised her voice. "What, are you worried I've been picturing you as a man, is that it? I'm a lesbian! I-I wouldn't want to be with a man! Ever! S-so there!"
"W-what? Susie I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything! I know you would never… um… nevermind, just forget it, I'm being weird," Noelle said as she shifted her eyes away from Susie.
"I… I think I should go spend the night at Kris's," Susie said after a moment of awkward silence, getting up from the bed and heading towards their closet to get fully dressed.
"H-huh? Susie, wait, is there something you need to talk about? I'm sorry if I upset you or anything!" Noelle apologized.
"It's nothing! I just… I need to clear my head a bit is all," Susie said, appearing on the verge of tears before she couldn't bear to face Noelle anymore.
A lump was starting to form in Noelle's throat too now. She had ruined everything because she couldn't leave well enough alone and keep her detransition kink out of her relationship. Trying to talk about it just made both parties feeling uncomfortable.
"Well… um… I guess if that's what you need," Noelle finally said after Susie was about to leave their bedroom, trying her best to not start crying.
"S-sorry…" Susie apologized.
"Wait, I-I love you Susie," Noelle called out.
"…I love you too Noelle," Susie replied before hurrying out of their apartment.
Noelle grabbed the box of tissues on their side of the bed, wiping away the tears that were starting to form. They had their fights before like all couples had but never anything that provoked a strong enough reaction for Susie to need to spend the night somewhere else. She was worried that she had lost Susie for good. And unlike the loss of her sister and the loss of her father, this was entirely her fault. She couldn't curse the universe for being cruel to her for no reason. Noelle just jeopardized her relationship with the most amazing woman in the world over a stupid kink.
"Way to go, Holiday…" she chastised herself underneath her breath.