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He was going to give up on him. He swore that he would. Akira wouldn't stand for these feelings that consumed his heart. Not when the other clearly didn't care about him… not when Akechi was planning his death behind his back.
Late October was when Ren decided to concrete his feelings. To bury them into the soles of his feet to smother and crush until nothing was left. He didn't want to love someone that didn't love him back.
Someone who didn't put in what he gave. His efforts of their pseudo-dates, the attention he solely gave Akechi, the gifts and affection he showered him with.
Was it not enough? Was he not enough?
Or was it because Akechi wasn't into someone who barely passed as a man?
…
It was hard to think. His heart ached with every thought. It clawed out from his chest, threatening to escape and explode through his emotions. He was so good at hiding it. His teammates, his friends—they were great people, but they needed a strong, resilient leader. Someone who wouldn't break.
But he was on the verge of breaking. And of all things, a mere heartbreak.
Was it his fault that he loved too deeply? Too suddenly, too passionately, too cowardly for his role as the leader of the Phantom Thieves?
His friends don't deserve someone who would crumble from nothing.
He shouldn’t feel this way over someone who wanted his death. His enemy, his rival, his friend. Someone who shouldn’t care for him. Someone who… who….
(He doesn’t have anymore words to say)
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He had to hide it. His feelings—his emotions—they didn’t matter. Not when it came to accomplishing their goal. To defeat corrupt adults that take advantage of others. None of his friends could find out either. They respected him. They needed him to get his shit together, even if it meant breaking his heart.
It was funny how his friends didn’t suspect much. He made the excuse of watching over Akechi’s movements, only for Ren to put him on his team in every palace or mementos. Whether it be Akechi’s detective prince facade, or the snarky comments when Crow became the navigator in Sae’s palace. He wanted to unwrap more layers of Akechi. He wanted to get closer to him. To love him fully, no matter what flaws he tries to hide. No matter what is revealed.
But he couldn’t have that.
If Akechi didn’t want to give it to him, what could he do?