Work Text:
ROBERT’S POV
"You know what, maybe I should not have come back in the first place. If this was all I was going to get.”
"Yeah maybe you shouldn't have.”
Robert pushed his hands against his eyes. How did they end up here, fighting again, Robert didn’t know. He had not noticed anything different in Aaron before the goodbye party for Vic. Not until Aaron had left without letting anyone know.
It had been maybe an hour before Robert had realized he had not seen Aaron in a moment. Which was rare because usually the man was beside Robert all the time. It actually had made Robert feel a little bad about himself, it taking him so long to notice his boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. Spotting Vic Robert made his way towards the barbeque.
“Oh Aaron’s not with you?”
“I was just going to ask if you had seen him.”
“Haven't since I spoke to him like hour / hour and a half ago.”
Now Robert was getting little worried. It wasn’t like Aaron just to up and leave like that.
Suddenly Matty spoke behind them,
“Looking for Aaron? I saw him leaving a good while ago. Looked like he was in a hurry, maybe he got a headache or something.”
Robert thanked Matty and with a quick hug told Vic he needed to go. She seemed to understand.
Worried something was seriously wrong Robert ran through the village to Aaron’s apartment. Robert still struggled to call it his home. He had the same issue with Vic’s place. Which reminded him that he needed to talk to Aaron about the move before he heard it from someone else. He had been planning to, for ages, to say something about it but he had not just not been able to. Not with Aaron being so on board with him moving in. How could he tell him, knowing how they are, maybe they could use another place too without making it sound like he wanted to break up. Plus Robert had seen how stressed Vic was over this move and wanted to help her. And maybe selfishly keep some of her with him now that he was going to be only Sugden in town.
Opening the door he could hear the bottlecap landing on the kitchen counter. So not sick. Robert felt a small amount of annoyance bubble inside him. Then he spotted the bags on the floor. What was going on?
“Took you a minute then.” Robert heard Aaron say from the living room.
“Are you alright? Matty said you left suddenly, did you feel sick or something?”
No answer.
Robert picked up one of the bags and stepped properly inside only to be greeted by back of Aaron’s head. Robert was getting seriously worried now.
“What is going on? Why have you packed?” Robert asked, panicking. What had happened that was so bad Aaron wanted to leave?
“They are yours.”
Now Robert was even more confused.
“What?” He could tell he sounded annoyed but he couldn’t help it. He was lost.
“You should go.”
Aaron still wasn’t looking at him and that bothered Robert the most.
“What?” He repeated.
“It was your plan all along wasn’t it? So go. Leave. Don’t worry about me.”
“What are you talking about? What happened?”
“Why did you come back if you were going to leave me? Just some fun after prison I guess.”
Robert was trying to decide whether to stay silent or give in to his feelings and air out his thoughts. He went with the second opinion.
“I really don’t get you. First you want to be with me. Desperate even. Then out of nowhere change your mind like you always do.”
“I do?” Aaron shouted back.
“And then you don’t even bother telling me what is going on. Just pushing and pulling how ever you want. I’m genuinely getting tired of it.”
Silence.
“I was so worried when I heard you left, maybe you had gotten sick or something, but all it was just you throwing a tantrum over nothing. Like usual.”
AARON’S POV
Aaron had noticed Robert being more distant these few days but to keep his head from running 100 different bad possibilities he just pushed it out his mind and decided it must have been because he had slept badly. Which was not false, Robert had been barely sleeping the last few days. But then the true reason hit him like a ton of bricks, dropped by Vic at her party.
“I was so stressed about what to do with this apartment when I was away but thankfully Robert agreed to live here while I was gone.”
“Huh?” This was the first time he had heard about that.
“Yeah. I was a little surprised since,you know, you were back together but he said it was fine. You didn’t know?”
Vic looked concerned, like she had said something she shouldn’t have. Which she technically had but Aaron was not going to tell Vic that.
“No I knew. I just forgot.”
He could feel the anger rising inside him. So Robert was once again planning to leave him without giving any hint.
Slowly old memories and emotions kept creeping up, ones he had worked hard to push down, and Aaron felt like he needed to leave. He could not stay here. The risk of blowing up if he saw Robert now was too big. Without saying goodbye to anyone, Aaron left the house making his way back home. Way Robert had been Aaron wasn't even sure the other man would notice he was gone.
If Aaron had thrown all Robert’s clothes he had at his place on the floor before neatly packing them inside a bag it was his business. Every single moment where Robert had looked sad and withdrawn was now rolling like a film on his head. While the brain knew it wasn’t the case, that it was Robert’s trauma causing these reactions, Aaron couldn’t help but think Robert had regretted being with him from the start. That all he was, was a distraction. Maybe that is why Robert looked so sad, could not sleep because he was stressed about how to tell him he wanted to break up. Well now he didn’t need to, Aaron thought, throwing the bags outside the bedroom and then next to the front door.
Just when Aaron had finally gotten a bottle of beer in his hand he heard the front door open.
So Robert had noticed.
“Took you a minute then.”
Aaron sat down on the sofa without even looking at Robert.
“Are you alright? Matty said you left suddenly, did you feel sick or something? Got one of those headaches that started after the fall?”
He saw Robert pick up one of his bags from the floor.
“What is going on? Why have you packed?”
“They are yours.”
“What?” Aaron heard from his voice Robert was getting annoyed with him. It made Aaron even angrier than he had been. What right did he have to be annoyed with him when he was the one going to dump him.
“You should go.”
“What?”
“It was your plan all along wasn’t it? So go. Leave. Don’t worry about me.”
“What are you talking about? What happened?”
“Why did you come back if you were just going to leave me again? For some fun after prison? Because I would have been fine without you. Maybe even better.”
It was not true.
Robert didn’t say anything and even without looking he knew he had achieved what he had hoped for secretly. Robert was getting angry.
“I really don’t get you. First you want to be with me. Desperate even. Then out of nowhere change your mind like you always do.”
“I do?” Aaron shouted back.
“And then you don’t even bother telling me what is going on. Just pushing and pulling how ever you want. I’m genuinely getting tired of it.”
Silence.
“I was so worried when I heard you left, maybe you had gotten sick or something, but all it was just you throwing a tantrum over nothing. Like usual.”
Aaron still did not react. He needed a fight. He almost craved it. And he knew Robert was going to give it to him if he pushed. So he was stupid and pushed.
After a good silence, Robert let out a loud sight.
"You know what, maybe I should not have come back in the first place. If this was all I was going to get.”
"Yeah maybe you shouldn't have.”
Aaron took a deep breath and wiped the tears that had started rolling at some point.
How were they on this road again? Maybe Robert was right. Maybe he was the same as always. One breath that someone was going to hurt him and he ran, that was what Paddy said to him years ago. And it was still true.
They really needed to sort themselves out, didn't they. Before they even started to talk about their divorce and what had happened after. Because they needed to talk about it too. Aaron knew it, he was sure Robert knew it too. It was only so long they could go on ignoring everything that had happened. John and Kev had made it easier for sure but now they were alone and it was starting to show.
Aaron had made his decision.
“Maybe we should take a break.”
ROBERT’S POV
“Maybe we should take a break.”
Robert’s heart stopped. Slowly he backed from the front door to look at the living room. Aaron still was not looking at him.
“What?” he dropped his bags.
No answer.
“What do you mean? You want to break up?” Robert asked quietly.
Aaron shook his head.
“I said take a break. We need to have a talk, sort us out, but before that you need to get serious help. From someone professional. And I need to sort my head out too” Aaron sighed.
“My therapist is a good one so I wrote their number on a paper for you in that bag. Call them. Sort your head out. You deserve that. We deserve that.”
Aaron stood up and Robert could see the now drying tear streak on his face.
“Why does it mean we have to break up?”
“I didn’t say we should break up. We should just take a little break.”
“I love you” Robert was desperate. He was afraid that if he let Aaron go this time he would be gone for good.
“I know. And I love you. I don’t doubt it, trust me. But you clearly also had some doubts about us being together if you were ready to move out back to Vic’s.”
Robert stood silently, not knowing what to say. So Aaron had heard from someone, probably from Vic, about the move. It explained the reaction then. This was exactly what Robert had tried to avoid by waiting for the right time. Before Robert could say anything Aaron continued.
“We were clearly both trying to distract ourselves from real life by returning back to normal as fast as possible. Be like nothing had ever happened. But now that past has caught us and might destroy us if we don’t sort this out properly. So go. Get help. I will be here if you need me. But try not to need me too much, it is not healthy. I try to do the same thing.”
Something about Aaron’s voice told him there was nothing he could do to change Aaron’s mind. It had been made up. So instead Robert took few steps closer, pressed a long kiss against Aaron’s lips before picking up his bags and left the house leaving just as devastated Aaron behind.
He would get better. For himself. For Seb. For Aaron. For their life together he wanted more than anything.
AARON’S POV
Aaron stood there, still feeling Robert’s lips on his, taste now combining with the re-emerged tears. Despite knowing they would find each other again, that they made the decision that was right for them now Aaron couldn’t help but feel sad. Leaving the beer bottle where it was, he made his way back to the bedroom and crawled under the covers on what had already become Robert’s side again. Tomorrow he will get up and go back to normal life. But today he would let himself be sad and if he slept the rest of the day surrounded by the smell of Robert it was his right to do so.