Chapter Text
Pomni is the first to notice something is wrong.
The awards show had been dull and unnecessary, the majority of it spent trying not to glance at the empty chair beside her and beyond. When it had finally ended, Jax immediately rose from his seat, power-walking to his room and never coming out.
That had been about three days ago.
She’s been knocking on his door daily, letting him know she was there to talk if he needed it, and apologizing for her part in it all, even if it was small. When he keeps refusing to answer, she resorts to writing a note. She doesn’t know what three straight days of consistent isolation can do to someone in this place, but she really doesn’t want to find out like this.
She slips the note under his door before bed. In the morning, she finds it torn to shreds upon her doorstep. At least he’s still alive, she thinks.
She squats down, fingering at the shreds to double-check that they really were from her note, when all of a sudden, they glitch. Little pink and green pixels dance between her fingers before the scraps disappear entirely. The floor beneath it begins to do the same, shaking and seizing in hues of neon before clicking back into a monochromatic checker pattern, as if nothing had ever happened.
She stares at the floor. Blinks once, twice, but nothing changes.
Huh, weird. She thinks, anxiety prickling up the back of her neck. She rises to her feet, glancing briefly at Jax’s room before returning to the spot on the floor.
Things had gone haywire like this before, momentary glitches throughout adventures a somewhat normal occurrence. After all, it was a video game. Surely that had to extend to the “save point,” so to speak.
Right?
She grimaces, deciding to figure it out in the morning. She slams her own door, unaware of the way the knob shudders within reality.
xx
It’s difficult to catch the glitching again, now that she is actively looking for it. Pomni trudges through adventure after adventure, hoping to see a little ripple in the worlds around her, but it never shows.
Jax was still nowhere to be seen, although Ragatha mentions that she can sometimes hear shuffling coming from his room when she’s heading to bed. Between that, and his apparent habit of wandering the circus, Pomni tries to remain hopeful that he’s alright, and not abstracting somewhere on the floor.
She knows it’s stupid to care. She’s well aware that he doesn’t want to get close to her; that he would rather starve himself of intimacy than let her crack open his ribcage and peer inside. She itches for it, though- had been itching for it since the moment she first really started observing him. She had finally gotten a taste of it nearly a week ago, too, before it was suddenly stripped away. It’s unfair, she thinks, to lose something like that as quickly as it was given, and it was unfair that Jax didn’t even think he could have these things.
She’s still thinking about him as she nearly trips her way through the exit portal, body aching from the racetrack turned devastating pile-up of an adventure they just went on, and she knows why. It went beyond platonic attraction. The itch she felt was something deep, and blinding, and selfish, and it kept her crawling back to his door each night, begging him to so much as knock back; to let her know he’s alive.
She really should not care this much, but this itch irritates her in places she would rather not think about, and she alone could never dig as deep as it demanded. The urge to know he’s okay overpowering the urge to disregard him like everyone else annoys her sometimes, until she imagines abandoning him altogether, and feels sick at the thought of affirming whatever is running through his head. When she knows this is all coming from a place of pain, it makes it hard to give him the hatred he craves.
After dinner, she knocks at his door again, to no avail. She doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous. He’s ridiculous for starting it. Regardless, she drags herself back to her room, accepting defeat for the night.
She has never been able to fully sleep in the circus, despite trying every trick in the book. The TVs just spew a bunch of jumbled, AI-generated ramblings, her lamp is too bright, and swaddling herself in a blanket just makes her anxious. On top of that, she is trapped in a digital nightmare.
When all these things had failed her, she had begged Caine for a fan, which he thankfully gave her. On top of this, they had some sort of “magic wardrobe” in their rooms that, by the grace of God, enabled her to sleep in something other than a jester costume. These small blessings had helped her gain the few hours she manages to get now, but she still finds herself tossing and turning every night, simulated sweat drenching her skin as the sheets bind her legs.
A few hours after retiring to her room, she decides she’s had enough.
She throws herself out of bed with a frustrated groan, dragging her hands over her painted face before standing up. She trudges over to her door, picking at her maroon sleep shorts as she leaves. Sometimes, a change in environment tires her out just enough to gain at least two more hours of sleep.
Pomni heads towards the kitchen, planning on drowning herself in a freezing cold glass of three A.M. water, but as she turns the corner she feels faint.
Jax stands at the counter, spreading cream cheese on a bagel. He turns at the sound of her footsteps, hands freezing.
They stare at each other for a moment, and she notices the way his eyes drag over her body. A little voice at the back of her mind wonders if he’s preparing for another attack, or just blatantly checking her out.
It’s not like she is doing much better. He’s wearing a loose t-shirt and yellow flannel pajamas pants, the shirt hanging off his frame in all the right places. She had never seen him in anything other than his usual getup, and she gulps, forcing herself to speak.
“Can’t sleep either?” She asks. It’s an attempt at lightheartedness, as the air between them is still taut, but her voice audibly holds all the fatigue currently weighing her down.
He keeps staring, like he didn’t even hear her, before suddenly coming to. He grunts out a ‘yeah’ before turning back to his food.
She awkwardly walks over to the room’s small dining table and grabs a chair, face burning as she realizes he is going to see this. She drags it over to the counter, climbing up onto it so she can reach the cabinet.
She grabs a glass, sitting down on the tile so she can push herself off. When she looks at Jax, he is watching her with a funny little smile, face tinted magenta.
“What?” She asks, and he freezes, turning away from her.
“…Nothing.” He says after a minute, closing the cream cheese container and sticking it in the fridge. “Your height is pathetic.”
Pomni knows it was supposed to be an insult, but she giggles anyway, entertained by the attempt as she returns the chair. When she turns back, Jax is glowering and flushed, her lack of anger presumably ruining whatever torment he had planned on. He grumbles as he tosses the knife he had used into the sink, grabbing his plate and heading for the exit.
“Wait!” Pomni cries before she can stop herself, and Jax freezes, shoulders hunched.
“That’s it?” She asks, abandoning her glass on the table. “You’re just going to walk away?”
“Yep.” He says, popping the ‘p’ with disinterest. He doesn’t try and leave, though.
“Jax, at least just listen to me.” She pleads, finger pinching between her eyes. “I want you to actually talk to me, but if that makes you uncomfortable, then at least just-“
“What aren’t you getting?” He asks suddenly, looking at her over his shoulder. When she cocks her head, he sighs before angrily slamming his plate back on the counter.
“We aren’t friends, Pomni.” He says, rounding on her. “You’re just embarrassing yourself by pretending we are. You know that, right?”
“I don’t care.” she tells him. “I care about you. I want you to be okay.”
He laughs, almost hysterically, before burying his face in his hands
“God.” He spits, mainly to himself. “Why are you so f[#@]king persistent?”
He steps closer, and she stands her ground, staring up at the looming figure before her. His face goes blank, smile stretching to fit the length of it.
“I don’t need you, Pomni. You mean nothing to me. I’ve been stuck in literal hell with the same people for years, and you were new; something I could poke and prod at.”
He leans close to her face, simulated breath ghosting her cheeks. “You’re desperate, and it’s getting sad. Get over it.”
He stands then, sauntering over to the trash can before reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a piece of paper, and turns to wave it at her. Her heart drops, realizing it’s the photo they took together. She had forgotten he had it.
He maintains eye contact as he carelessly tosses it into the trash, only looking away when he hears the polaroid settle against the low-rendered waste. He stares at the photo for a second, knee jerking as if he has to prevent its movement, before turning back to her.
“Leave me alone, for your own sake.” He walks back over to his plate, refusing to look her in the eye. “I’m sad the bit got cut off early, too, believe me- but at the end of the day, I’m over it.”
“You kept that photo on you.” She notes, loud enough for him to hear. He finally turns to look at her, and she just stares back, face blank.
His composure gives the slightest bit, eye twitching and fist gripping the counter behind him, before he lets out a dull chuckle.
“I knew I’d run into you eventually,” he tells her evenly. “I just wanted to make sure you saw that.”
He turns back to the counter. “Like I said, leave-“
The surface suddenly starts spasming, pixelated chaos leaching across the counter and up the walls like an infection.
Jax rears back, snatching his hand away. “What the f[%!]k?!”
The glitch is roaring, screaming like a damned soul, as the cabinets start to melt off the walls. Pomni backs against the one behind her, calling out for Jax to get back. For once, he listens, seemingly forgetting his supposed hatred of her.
The glitching stops after a second, Jax’s bagel a causality as it disappears from existence. When he notices, he swears to himself, face in his hand.
“Great. That’s f[%!&@]king awesome.” He throws his hands up in the air. He’s shaking, trying to catch his breath after what they just witnessed. Eventually, he storms off towards the exit, stopping for a second.
“Move on, Pomni.” He tells her. “We’re nothing. Get that through your head.”
He leaves the room, and she sinks to the floor. She buries her face in her hands, groaning with exhaustion. She came out here to try and walk off her issues, and now she had about fifty more.
She wanted to fight him again. She should get up, chase him down and push him to the floor, pound her fists on his chest and scream in his face until he finally sees reason; feels the same ache he fosters inside of her.
Instead, Pomni drags herself up the wall, wandering back to her room. When she returns, she doesn’t even try to sleep. She buries herself under the comforter, staring dejectedly at the wall until ‘daylight.’
xx
The next morning, Pomni skips the adventure.
It’s the first time she has done it, and the thought of Caine’s reaction nearly scares her out of it, but the glitching from the night prior was marginally worse than its first presentation. She doesn’t want to involve the others, though, for their sake, so the burden is her’s to shoulder.
Silver lining, she supposes, is that Jax is feeling social again.
She isn’t particularly excited to see him, bile rising up the back of her throat every time they make accidental eye contact. Still, he has been barricading himself in his room for a week at this point, so it is a relief to see him at the table. His presence disturbs the butterflies in her stomach, stirring them out of their rest and sending them flying into every corner of the organ.
She is watching him half-heartedly pick at Gangle when Caine materializes into thin air, immediately letting out a cry of glee. She curses God that headaches, of all sensations, are simulated in here.
Caine devolves into some spiel about their adventure for the day. She vaguely catches something about mountain-climbing and man-eating mountain snakes, but she doesn’t bother listening, knowing it doesn’t matter anyway as she waits for him to finish.
“Caine?” she pipes up when he’s done, awkwardly raising her hand like she’s in school. “Is it alright if I, uh… if I skip today?”
The room goes entirely silent. One of Caine’s eyes cocks slightly and slowly rolls to the side, before audibly snapping back into place. When she looks around everyone is staring at her in shock, including Jax.
She squirms under the attention.
“Why?” Caine asks. He is looking at her strangely, mouth entirely straight and eyes trained dead on her. “I thought you adored my adventures, Pomni. Don’t tell me you were lying?”
His lack of theatrics makes her skin crawl, gaze feeling as if it’s coming from over her shoulder instead of from the front.
“I do!” She says, hands shooting up defensively. “I just have a headache, I’m sorry!”
Caine doesn’t respond, continuing to stare. The room is so silent that she can hear a muted droning in her ears, like a horde of bees slowly approaching. Behind the AI’s shoulder, she sees one of the corners start to twitch.
It shatters slowly, glitch creeping up the walls and spasming in intervals. The droning intensifies, and she is about to scream when Zooble reluctantly speaks up.
“I can take her place today, Caine.”
The entity shakes his head, whipping around and staring at Zooble in shock before zooming towards them. “Really Zooble?! Oh my goodness, oh my millions of stars, this truly is the greatest day of my life! Oh, Zooble, say it ain’t so-“
“Christ, yes, I’ll go! Just stop!” They screech, shoving Caine away from them. He is floating in the air on his stomach, feet kicked up behind him and hands curled under his chin as he bats the lashes he suddenly has.
Pomni glances back at the corner, and the glitching has stopped. She realizes the stark lack of coincidence as the hairs on the back of her neck immediately erect. She takes this opportunity to slip away, flashing Zooble a grateful but apologetic smile. She passes by Jax, and she can feel his eyes boring into the back of her head. She promptly ignores him, walking back to her room.
Halfway down the hall, a hand grabs her arm, and she reers back in shock.
Wheeling around, she sees Ragatha standing before her, taken aback, and she feels guilt creep in.
“Sorry, Ragatha,” She says. “I’m just… sorry. What’s up?”
“Nothing, nothing!” The doll stammers, hands up in defense. “I just, uh, I’m worried about you, Pomni. You’ve never skipped an adventure before- are you sure you’re feeling alright?”
She looks genuinely concerned, and it makes Pomni’s skin itch with the attentiveness of it.
“I’m alright. I just, um… I had a fight with Jax, that’s all.” She decides to tell her, not wanting to mention the glitch. She wasn’t really lying, either.
“What did he say to you? Did he hurt you?” Ragatha instantly flares up. “I swear, Pomni, if he laid a finger on you, I’ll-“
“I’m fine!” she swears, shaking her head. “He’s- he’s just an ass, that’s all!”
The polaroid sits recovered on her nightstand, providing her routine torture.
Ragatha settles slightly, setting a hand on Pomni’s shoulder. “Well, if you ever need to talk, I’m here, Pomni. Just know that.”
Pomni breaks eye contact, awkwardly shrugging Ragatha off and thanking her. She turns to leave before the doll calls her name.
“Yes?” she answers, and when she turns around Ragatha is staring guiltily at the floor.
“I’m…sorry.” She says, and Pomni cocks her head when she does not continue. “I, um, I argued with Jax right before he shot me. I said some really n-nasty things. I probably set him off, haha.”
She chuckles awkwardly, but Pomni feels her body flood with dread.
“What did you say to him?” She questions, turning back to face her.
Ragatha backs away. “Well, it’s- I’m not really-“
“What did you say, Ragatha?” She nearly pleads, pacing towards her. “What did you two talk about? Please, tell me.”
“I told him I knew what he was doing, Pomni!” Ragatha shouts suddenly. “He’s miserable, and he needs everyone else to be, as well! He thinks the circus sucks, and if you don’t, too, then you’re weak; dispensable!”
“He isnt-“ She pants, hands running through her threaded hair. “He isn’t good for you, Pomni. I’m worried he isn’t good for anyone.”
“Who are you to decide what’s good for me?” Pomni questions, brow pinched and ribs aching as she looks up at the redhead. “Did you say all of that to his face? Why would you do that?”
“He’s- I, um…” Ragatha is tearing up, fiddling with her clumsy hands as she looks anywhere but at Pomni. “I just…you don’t know him like we do, Pomni. You’ve seen how he treats everyone- Gangle, Zooble, me. I’m just- I’m just tired of it, and I didn’t want it to happen to you. I’m sorry.”
Pomni sighs, smearing her hands down her face. She supposes Ragatha isn’t necessarily wrong; she really doesn’t know Jax the way everyone else does. However, she feels as if she had gotten to know him from a different perspective entirely, a perspective she may have been the only person in the circus (at least for a while) to witness. He had actively sought her out, told her personal things, encouraged her to tap into a side of herself she usually kept sealed in a tightly-taped box.
Yet, despite that, he was a complete ass. he was a genuine bully, bending the cartoon physics of this world to his will in order to enact the most pain. He derived pleasure from tormenting the people here, as if he needed to be hated, and maybe that’s what it was; maybe total self-loathing was all he could feel at this point, and if he has to deal with it, so does everyone else.
She feels horrible for the attraction she harbors towards him, sometimes. She feels selfish, like something is wrong with her for missing him more and more as the days go by. For yearning for his companionship, for knowing she’d take him back and patch things up if he only agreed to meet her halfway. The complexity of his bullshit made her feel like her brain was splitting in half.
Her heart hurt. Her head hurt. Everything was so shit.
“I need time to think about this.” She tells Ragatha. “…I know you’re right, I just…I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”
She turns and walks off, ignoring the calling of her name.
xx
She had decided the best course of action was finding Caine.
Easier said than done, it would seem. The first time Pomni had skipped an adventure, she had set off throughout the circus, attempting to track him down. It was then that she discovered this place was nothing more than one giant, winding maze.
She briefly remembered Jax mentioning something about a map he had made, and she considered breaking into his room just to steal it. She decided against that, though, figuring it would be better to just make her own. Besides, an extreme breach of privacy was the last thing their relationship needed.
She had spent the day wandering from room to room, hoping to find whichever one Caine takes up residence in. She had discovered a myriad of old adventures, stashed away in back corners as if the game files had run out of storage. A few rooms were simply gaping chasms of black matter, like they existed only to fill in a blank. Some, though, contained the glitching that had slowly started to haunt her in her sporadically-delivered dreams.
Sometimes, it was just a corner in an entirely black room, pixels spiraling up to the ceiling like ivy. Others were filled entirely with the bug, as if the room could barely handle existing within the game’s code. She had put a huge “DNI” over each of these rooms on her ever-growing map.
When she hadn’t found Caine the first day, she had realized this was going to take way longer than she had hoped, and would probably require her to skip the next day’s adventure, as well. This was going to require some modicum of assistance, unfortunately.
So, she had dragged herself to dinner, wading her way through monotonous small talk and awkward, concerned stares, before she had finally managed to drag Zooble to her room.
“I’m so sorry,” she starts. “But I need you to cover for me again.”
Zooble looks a little frazzled, eyes darting between Pomni and her bedroom door as if tempted to say no. Eventually, though, they ask, “why?”
“There’s something wrong with the circus; with Caine, I think.” She clarifies, and Zooble’s eyes notably widen, more attentive than before. “There’s been some… glitching. I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but I’m trying to figure it all out and I need more time.”
She brandishes the map from her circus-allotted hammerspace, showing it to Zooble. She points out the rooms containing pixelation, the old adventures, and the ones so covered in shadow they seem to stretch on forever. She is still not sure just how much more ground she has to cover, and the thought makes her headache start to slowly seep back in.
Zooble had still seemed reluctant, fiddling with one of their pieces before agreeing. “You owe me your life, though- seriously. Between Caine and Jax, this is going to be the worst thing I’ve ever agreed to. Just… be careful, okay? Don’t piss Caine off.”
Pomni chuckles, a little hysteric, before shaking Zooble’s most humanoid hand. “I’ll try my hardest. Thank you.”
Since then, she had wandered the circus solitarily, marking off rooms with the stupid glittery gel pens she had found in her dresser’s lowest drawer.
It had been days since she had last spoken to another person-other than Zooble, maybe once or twice, to provide updates-and she wondered just how concerned she was making the others; how much more of this she could take. She knows she should talk to Ragatha about what happened, too. Jax wasn’t the only one having a shitty go of it, and she tells herself she will once this is done. Once she’s fixed things.
The hallways spiral beyond her comprehension, resolution dropping the farther she looks. The floors seem to load in as she traipses them step by step, like the quality of the entire game is progressively dropping. It makes simulated sweat drip out of every pore, and she feels queasy with the constant self-inflicted pressure to make some sort of headway.
She knows the isolation and the constant grind for information is not good for her. She can feel it wearing on her bones, grinding down the binding in her joints. Her knees ache like they did during the vague memories of her food service days, and the disassociation is at the same level, too.
Currently, she has wandered so far into the circus she’s sure she’s gotten lost, and finding her way back to the dorms is going to be an all-night process. She tells herself she’ll start doubling back after she checks one last room.
Choosing one at random, she stumbles inside, fiddling absentmindedly with the map and pen before stopping dead.
The room is devoid of all color, midnight black and empty. Against what would be the east wall is a lone desk and chair. A tiny, antique lamp on the surface illuminates Caine from the front, back drenched in shadow. He is scribbling madly, jaw twitching as he mutters to himself.
She takes a deep breath, entering the room as she leaves the door open behind her. “Caine?”
He locks up, so still he could be a corpse, before blipping out of existence.
She blinks, staring around wildly before letting out a frustrated growl. There is absolutely no f[%@!]king way-
“Hello, Pomni!”
Pomni screams, jumping a literal five feet in the air before landing like a startled cat. She holds her arms up in a defensive block before quickly remembering the map and stuffing it behind her.
“H-Hi, Caine!” She cheers awkwardly, face split in what she is sure is an off-putting grin. Caine doesn’t seem to notice, though.
“Come, sit!” He instructs, and a desk chair suddenly appears behind Pomni, knocking her legs out from under her as it catapults her towards the desk. Her vision is still spinning when Caine pops back into his own chair.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” He asks cheerfully, his muttering, agitated demeanor from when she walked in forgotten.
“I, um,” she stutters, cracking her knuckles one by one; an old habit she had carried into The Circus. “I wanted to talk to you, actually.”
Caine visibly brightens, practically shooting out of his chair.
“Me?!” He cries. “Oh, Pomni, this truly is a pleasure! I have not seen you in over two weeks, you know! I was starting to worry you had fallen off the map!”
He pinches her cheeks, and she gently pushes him away as she balks.
“Can- can that happen?!”
“Who knows!” Caine says, with a thumbs up. “There are so many rooms in The Amazing Digital Circus, I’ve honestly forgotten just where all of them go!”
He laughs at this as Pomni fidgets in her chair.
“Well, Caine, I have a concern.” She tells him.
“Is it about my adventures? You know I try my hardest to make sure you all enjoy them.”
His words are less of an encouragement, more of a statement; like it’s a fact she should know by now.
“I know,” she placates. “It’s not about that. It’s, um, it’s just that some things have been glitching recently, and I just-“
“Pomni.” he deadpans, and her mouth feels dry. “There is no glitching.”
“What?” She asks, laughing a little in shock. “I’m sorry, but there’s no way you haven’t seen it-“
“You haven’t, either. Have you, Pomni?” he asks, rising out of his seat as he starts to float over her.
She recognizes it for what it is; a threat to stay in her place. To learn it, turn it over and scrutinize it, then cage herself within it.
She considers it for a second. She was about to stand her ground against who was technically her God; an empyrean AI that could crush her like an ant. However, she needed this.
She needed to make sure everything was okay. She needed to make sure they stood a chance of surviving this, of getting the h[#!]ll out of here together. She can see the defeat in their eyes after each adventure, battling phantom aches and pains before going to bed, just to do it all over again. She can see the way they wince at each other’s flaws and stick to the most tolerable person they can find. No escape from the arguing, or the monotony; all you could do was wander off during an adventure, and screw around in a world that wasn’t even real.
She thinks about Jax, something she can never seem to stop doing lately. If he doesn’t get out of here, Pomni is worried she’ll lose him; that one day she’ll wake up, and he’ll be a rampaging, all-seeing mass as he destroys everyone she’s come to care so deeply about. If not for herself, she thinks she can do this for all of them. She wouldn’t run and leave them behind again
“Actually, Caine,” she says, rising from her own chair. “I did see it.”
He stares at her, and it’s the same look he gave her when she first skipped out. It makes her feel hunted, as if she isn’t being regarded as human.
Slowly, he descends, leering in her face.
“Do you know how hard I work to keep this place together?” He practically whispers. “The things I do for you people, no matter how ungrateful?
“I saw the votes.” He turns away, floating back up. “I know none of you voted for me during the awards ceremony. How could you?”
“Is that what this is all about?” Pomni asks. “Caine, we didn’t mean-“
“NO!” He screams, rearing around. “Enough with the lies! I truly thought you were different, Pomni; you know that? You came in and offered new insight- a fresh perspective, and I LISTENED! Do you know how lucky you got; how benevolent of a God you received?
“You would all be nothing without me!” He cries out, curling into himself a little in distress. “I give you adventures to keep you all sane! I provide you with diverse, robust experiences to keep you entertained! I make you rooms tailored to each of your characters, and I don’t get a single vote?!”
“Caine, it isn’t your fault we’re miserable.” She tells him gently. Lying hasn’t been working out so far, but honesty still worries her nonetheless. “We’re…trapped here. We can’t remember our own names, and we’re stuck in these weird, cartoon bodies we can’t even choose. Maybe if you gave us a bit more control over things-“
“Control.” He repeats. “You think you all get control?”
Suddenly, dozens of ghostly hands shoot out of the wall behind her, clutching and tearing at her costume as she’s dragged, kicking and screaming against the wall. Caine appears in front of her face, thousands of eyes gazing down at her from over his shoulder.
“Why did you wander the circus, Pomni?” he asks.
“What?” She asks, starting to feel a little faint. “I thought you didn’t-“
“Know where you were?” he finishes, chuckling a little to himself. “I knew. I could sense you- see you.”
He gestures flippantly to the optical nightmare behind him before asking again.
“Why? Why did you do that?”
“I wanted to find you.” She tells him. “I noticed the glitching. I wanted to ask you about it.”
“Wrong.” Caine corrects, and Pomni feels her skin flush hot as she wracks her brain for whatever reply he could possibly want.
“You wandered the circus,” he answers for her. “Because I allowed you to. You skipped adventures because I allowed you to. At any moment, I could have snapped my fingers, and you’d stumble through a portal on your way into the room. You still with me?
“Plenty of people have wandered around before. Boredom, looking for an exit- doesn’t matter, honestly, because it never lasts. They either find something else to do, or go in the basement. Not you, though, NO- you just HAD to keep looking around, didn’t you?”
He leans in closer.
“The difference between you and the other free-spirits is that they knew when to turn back. This is my domain. I am in charge of all of this! This is my circus, and the only reason you have that little map of yours is because I figured, what’s the worst that could happen? I thought you’d just tire yourself out eventually. You want control? You want input?”
He laughs in the face of her autonomy, convulsing a bit with the effort. “You all grossly overestimate your place in this world. I entertained your complaints because I liked you, not because you had a stake in this! I am the one thing holding this entire place together! I am in control!”
“I don’t think you are.” She nearly whispers. “In control, I mean. I think you’re slipping, Caine, and that’s okay.”
He goes silent, staring straight through her skin, it feels. The thousands of eyes hone in on her from the darkness.
Then, she hears it again. The droning. The roaring.
She looks to her left, and the northwestern corner of the room has begun to glitch out. It’s spreading rapidly, faster than she’s ever seen it.
“Caine.” She warns. “Caine, the wall-“
He doesn’t reply. He’s still staring at her, eyes locked onto every facial movement, just… watching.
“Caine!” She screams, thrashing against the hands as he continues to ignore her. The glitch surges across the floor, branching out like tree roots as it spreads its infection.
Suddenly, Caine begins to twitch, like a chill has run down his spine. He almost looks like he’s lagging, a jittery echo of himself as he lets out some sort of alarm siren. She suddenly phases through the hands clutching at her, glitch causing them to phase in and out of solid matter.
She hits the ground running, tumbling onto her feet and booking it out the open door. She takes random turns, the world sobbing behind her as the glitch presumably breaks out of the room. She doesn’t dare look back, faux adrenaline pumping through every inch of her body as she sprints.
She’s vaguely aware of herself screaming, praying someone can hear her before she’s brought to an abrupt stop. Looking up, she had seemingly run straight into Caine’s fist, which had materialized in her path.
“…You seriously thought you could run?” he inquires, almost as if he’s genuinely asking, and she gulps. She had forgotten he could do that, honestly.
He curls his fingers into her collar, the bells on her hat jingling as he lifts her into the air. She grabs at his arm, writhing around as the roaring behind her begins to crescendo.
“Caine, please!” She screams. “I’m sorry, okay? Please, please don’t do this!”
“You have become a problem, Pomni.” He tells her, tone hushed like he hates to say it. “I can’t have any more problems around here. It won’t be good for the others.”
He suddenly rockets down the hallway, moving at breakneck speed before coming to a stop in the dining room. He lets her drop to the floor, and she bumps her head with a cry.
She turns over, looking up at Caine through her now bleary vision. She can just make out the vague shape of him, still twitching as he looms over her.
“I’m sorry for this, Pomni. Really, I am.” he tells her, his voice accompanied by agonizing tinnitus. “But, you have to learn. You all have to.”
He snaps his fingers, and the others are suddenly teleported into the room. They’re deposited roughly onto the floor, letting out several grunts and groans before focusing on what’s unfolding before them.
Ragatha is the first to react, jumping to her feet and attempting to sprint towards Pomni. Caine carelessly thrusts out a hand, telepathically knocking her on her rear.
“Enough.” He commands, barely regarding the doll. “None of you learn. You never learn, do you?”
He glances briefly at Pomni before turning to address the room. “…It would appear one of you has been questioning my authority; perhaps several of you, but what do I know, right?”
He regards her crumpled, battered body on the floor. “You all have to know I can’t allow this.”
“Please, Caine,” she hears Zooble plead her case for her. “Whatever’s been going on, it’s okay. Let’s just take a breath, and-“
“Careful, Zooble.” He warns them. His voice is the slightest bit robotic now, Pomni notes. “I don’t want to send you downstairs, as well. You know I don’t.”
Downstairs?
Through her delirium, Pomni suddenly has a very clear picture of what exactly is happening. She pushes herself up slightly, scanning the crowd.
Everyone is looking between her and Caine in abject horror. Even Kinger seems to have momentarily come to, only looking at her.
Through them all, she finds Jax, and she feels as if her sternum is being cracked in two. The mask, for once, has broken, and he’s looking at her in genuine panic. He’s hyperventilating and teary-eyed, and Pomni notices he’s begun to slowly inch towards her.
“NO!” She yells, almost drunkenly, and he’s caught red-handed. Caine snaps his fingers, and everyone across from her suddenly goes stiff. She sees Jax’s face twitch in surprise for a second before devolving into rage and desperation. They’ve all been body-locked.
“Caine- damnit, Pomni!” He yells. “Caine, please don’t do this! Just knock it off!”
“The same goes for you, Jax.” Caine tells him with a forlorn little sigh. “I only want to do this once. It pains me, y’know?”
He turns to Pomni then, surging towards her. She throws up an arm in shock and his fingers curl around it.
“I’m sorry,” he tells her, the gentleness of his voice providing anything other than comfort. “I can’t send you down there as is. There’s requirements.”
The point of contact suddenly erupts into freezing cold tingles, as if it’s fallen asleep. She cries out in pain before pulling away.
She falls on her back, staring at the ceiling in a daze before the tingly feeling begins to spread. She’s vaguely aware of various gasps and cries, and when she looks at her arm, her nervous system cries out in white-hot fear.
Black matter is seeping up the limb, particles jumping all over her skin like fleas. Amidst the virus, she sees a little ripple. It trembles and dips the slightest bit before parting, and a little neon eye stares back at her in despair.
Suddenly, more little eyes begin to creak open, astigmatism nearly blinding her as tiny, neon lights promise the end.
She’s going to abstract. Right here, in front of everyone, by Caine’s hand. In front of-
Her eyes instinctively float back to his, and he looks like he’s about to be sick. His right hand, still slightly outstretched towards her, twitches violently, as if he’s still trying to reach her.
Knew you’d care, she jokes to herself. She doesn’t find it funny, though. Instead, it just fills her with grief.
Out of everyone, she mourns the fact that he has to witness this. That she couldn’t hear him confirm it beforehand, so she could cling to his words during this very moment. She wonders just how much of their fight had to do with the very situation they now find themselves in. The irony of it all sickens her.
The abstraction has now clawed its way up to her shoulder, yanking on her nerves like reins and paralyzing her arm. She cries out in agony, writhing around as her vision starts to black out from shock.
She can hear the others pleading with Caine to stop, and she wishes she could be with them so badly, that Caine wasn’t making an example of her directly in front of them all. She wishes she could be on the other side, wishes she could tell Ragatha that she isn’t mad, tell Zooble she’s sorry her absence subjected them to constant scrutiny for half a month-
Suddenly, all the noise in the room is overpowered by a pulsating roar. She cranes her neck as much as possible, and is met with the gaping maw of the Circus’s basement to her right.
The abstraction climbs over her right eye, spidering into her lids as she gags. Something obstructs the vision in the one she has left, and when she blinks she is barely able to make out she shape of Caine’s jaw.
“I didn’t want it to come to this, Pomni.” He tells her, leaning in so she can hear him over her impending doom. “You were becoming a favorite of mine, truly. I really, really wish you hadn’t gone snooping.”
He raises his fist, readying his fingers in a snap, and she grabs onto his wrist with her good hand.
“P-p-Lease-“ she begs, one final attempt at salvation.
Caine simply tuts, opening his mouth to speak before a deafening, vacuum-like sound overpowers the chaos. It’s thunderous like a heartbeat, overstimulating her to the point of tears, before she is suddenly knocked out cold.
xx
Pomni is the last to wake up.