Work Text:
Sieun felt his heart stop when he saw Suho collapse.
He was waiting for Suho to finish work, doing his homework on a table in the corner of the restaurant. He had just happened to look up when he caught Suho leaning against the counter that blocked the kitchen, squeezing his eyes closed. Then, he fell. All the power in his body left at once and he collapsed to the floor like a rag doll.
Sieun was out of his chair and across the room before most people had even noticed what had happened.
“Ahn Suho!” The panic rising in his own voice felt foreign to his ears.
He cupped Suho’s face—it was warm. Incredibly hot. His hands fumbled for his phone, but then returned back to Suho’s body when he remembered he should do the recovery first aid he read online. But, then again, Suho needed medical attention immediately. Sieun couldn’t stop shaking and he couldn’t make up his mind, his arms uselessly cycling between trying to type the ambulance number in his phone and seeing if Suho was responsive.
A shaky voice escaped his throat. “An ambulance. Someone call an ambulance.”
Sieun didn’t know when a crowd formed—his attention hadn’t strayed from Suho even for a second—but someone responded that they would call.
Sieun’s words were strangled with tears. “Suho-yah. Don’t leave me now that you’ve finally come back.”
Arms pulled him away from Suho—the store owner, he realised. Sieun’s first instinct was to resist the action but he couldn’t find the strength. He watched through sobs as someone else performed first aid.
“He’s breathing.” Those words eased some of his anxieties but did little to calm his drumming heart.
At some point, the paramedics arrived and started examining Suho.
Even amidst his cries, Sieun started reciting the critical information he memorised for doctors in case this ever happened. “He had a traumatic brain injury. He was in a coma for over a year,” he choked. “He’s taking amantadine and tizanidine.”
He wasn’t even sure if anyone was listening to him. Still, he kept repeating himself in the hopes someone would, each iteration more desperate than the last.
Sieun insisted on following Suho as he was hoisted into the back of the ambulance. It was there that Suho came to. Sieun crumpled with relief at the sight of Suho’s eyes blinking up at him.
The hospital ran many tests to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong. His tests came back standard (as normal as they could be, for Suho). Except, he had a fever. The doctors determined he likely collapsed due to exhaustion. He needed to rest.
Sieun followed him home after he was discharged and forced him into bed.
Suho refused to stay laying down. Sitting up, he reached for Sieun’s hand. “Sorry for making you worry, Sieun-ah.” He grinned sheepishly. “I didn’t know a fever could cause this much trouble.”
Sieun remained deadpanned. “How long did you know you had a fever?”
Suho shrugged. “Well, my nose been kinda congested since last week, I guess?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I mean,” he defended, “it’s just a fever, nothing serious.” He knocked Sieun’s chin lightly with a grin. “What? Do you think your hyung could be defeated by a fever? I’m strong, Sieun-ah.”
Sieun met Suho’s nonchalant expression with a deeply unimpressed look. It was like Suho didn’t even care.
“You’re not strong.” His jaw tightened. “You’re weak. You needed to rest.”
There was a beat of silence. Suho’s eyebrows knitted together. Sieun wouldn’t go back on what he said. He wasn’t wrong.
“Ahh really?” Suho pushed his cheek with his tongue. “That’s what you think?”
Sieun picked up Suho’s phone and threw it onto the blanket. “Call off work.”
Suho only looked at the phone and made no movement towards it. “Do I look like I have time to rest?” he responded, the irritation creeping into his voice. “I need to work.”
“What, so you’ll work until you drop?” Sieun tried to keep his voice from shaking. “Will you work until you’re dead?”
Suho didn’t relent. “I can’t be a patient forever, Sieun. I need to continue to live my life.”
“You have be realistic.”
“How long do I have to be realistic? When will I ever get to just be myself again?”
Sieun took a deep breath to steady his voice. “I know. I get it but—” I can’t lose you again. “—you need to be careful.”
Sieun only got like this with Suho. Being with him felt like he unlocked the entire range of emotions, when before he was only limited to a few. Like realising his heart could feel the extremities of human emotion when before he only felt a couple shades of the same apathetic feeling. Every happiness sent him over the moon. Every sadness felt like they could bring him to ruin.
“What I need is for you to stop babying me.”
Sieun knew that Suho would never understand how it felt to see him how he had to—crumbled, fragile, constantly at risk of being taken by death’s cold hands. Suho would never need Sieun the way Sieun needed Suho. That’s why he couldn’t see things from his perspective. Couldn’t understand his desperation for him to be safe.
“I’m ‘babying’ you? I should stop babying you?” Sieun felt the fire in his heart as it was replaced with feigned indifference. “Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want.”
Sieun packed up his stuff and left. Suho didn’t even call out to stop him.
Suho turned the shower on, letting the cool water run over his head.
He didn’t do any deliveries last night but the habit of showering in the morning was still ingrained into his bones. It was carthatic, in a way. It woke him up and set his thoughts straight—allowed him to work through last night’s argument in his mind.
He appreciated Sieun’s concern, truly. He appreciated Yeongyi’s concern, his grandmother’s concern, his teachers’ and the rest of his friends’ concern. But, Suho had never been someone that people had to worry about. He prided himself on being a pillar—reliable.
That’s Ahn Suho, he wanted others to say, the one we don’t have stress about.
Ahn Suho was strong and could hold his own in a fight, could protect those he cared about too. Ahn Suho was mature and reasonable. Ahn Suho understood the realities of a world that wouldn’t pause for him because he was sick.
Ahn Suho was not someone who would collapse because of a cold.
In actuality, that was where his frustration lay. Not with Sieun, but with the discrepancy between the Ahn Suho he had build himself up to be and the Ahn Suho he had woken up to. The Ahn Suho was left with.
He shut the water off.
His trip to school was quiet. He usually went to Sieun’s house in the morning and they would ride to school together. Today, he didn’t stop—he was still angry.
He didn’t realise how quiet the world could be. It wasn’t like Sieun was loud or even talkative—quite the opposite. But, quiet with Sieun was different from the quiet of being alone.
Since meeting him, Suho had forgotten how lonely his life used to be. Even if he had people he got along well with in school, he didn’t have time to socialise. After class was work. Overnight was work. His weekends were more work.
Sieun and Beomseok were the first people he felt understood, also shunted to the peripheries of teenage social life. Suho didn’t have to sacrifice the efforts he was making—who he was—to be around them.
Then, it happened. Suho fell asleep. Beomseok left the country.
At some point after he woke up, Suho and Sieun got together. It felt like an inevitability—like returning home even if he didn’t know exactly where that was at first. Sieun had coloured his world in a way that made him remember what he lived for. Why he worked so hard.
Once school started, his day proceeded like normal. He listened to the lesson when he felt like it, and slept through his classes when he wanted to. His teachers wouldn’t say anything. They understood.
By the time lunch came, he was already bored. He missed Sieun. This was nearly the longest time they had gone without seeing each other since he woke up. When he started school again, he had to join a Year 1 class while Sieun had already started Year 3 with his friends.
Every day, Sieun would come down to his classroom—Baku, Juntae and Hyuntak at his heels— and call him for lunch.
Even if he comes, Suho thought disgruntly, I won’t go with him.
Suho placed his head on the table, shutting his eyes but not sleeping. He waited for a tap on the shoulder or a soft “Suho-yah” from the door.
Nothing. His classmates milled around him and the noise of nonstop chatter bounced around the room while Suho laid silently on his desk.
Suho looked at the wall-clock in frustration. Lunch time was already half over.
Is he not coming? he thought, irritated.
Suho waited a few minutes. When Sieun still didn’t arrive, he stood up from his seat suddenly, chair dragging across the floor. He headed to the cafeteria.
He found Sieun and his friends sitting at a table eating without him. He came right up to the table and waited for Sieun to acknowledge him. Baku, Hyuntak and Juntae didn’t say anything, just glanced between themselves and Sieun awkwardly.
Sieun continued to pretend Suho wasn’t standing right next to him.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Sieun didn’t answer, just kept his eyes on his food. “Yah. Yah, Yeon Sieun!”
Suho slammed his hand on the table, causing Sieun’s friends to flinch. Sieun finally looked up at him, sighing as if he was a fly that landed on his face.
“I figured you were independent enough to eat lunch on your own.”
Suho’s brow furrowed. “Stop with the sarcasm.”
Sieun rolled his eyes and focused back on his food.
Heat started rising in Suho’s chest. He snapped, “Why are you acting like I’m the one who did something wrong? What, do you want me to say sorry or something?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you should start being grateful for things other people do for you.”
“I am grateful. I’m always grateful. That doesn’t explain why you’re suddenly acting like I don’t exist?”
Sieun’s eyes narrowed at him. “Am I acting like you don’t exist? Or have I finally stopped babying you?”
“You know this isn’t what I meant—”
“I really don’t know. I don’t get you. You say you’re so strong, you don’t need help from anyone else. Do you think you’ve made it this far by yourself?”
“Of course not—”
Of course not. I’ve had you, he finished in his head. But, now you’re acting like I don’t matter.
Suho stopped himself, belatedly realising his mistake.
“What I need is for you to stop babying me.”
He had lashed out at the one person who supported him the most. Sieun raised his eyebrows, waiting for Suho to finish his sentence.
Unfortunately—Suho himself could admit—he was petty. Prideful. And, Sieun’s words from last night still pressed stabbing pain into his wounds.
“You’re not strong. You’re weak.”
He looked at Sieun, who was still staring at him with daggers in his eyes. His chest squeezed. Suho opened his mouth but couldn’t find the words for what he wanted to say.
Juntae looked between the two with a panicked expression. “Suho-yah, you can sit here.” He scooted over, making space here. He gave an awkward smile. “Let’s just eat our lunch and—”
“Leave it, Juntae.” Sieun’s eyes didn’t leave Suho’s. “He’s obviously doesn’t need anyone to help him. He’s a big boy now,” he remarked sarcastically.
Nevermind. Suho wasn’t going to apologise. If Sieun wanted to treat him like shit, fine.
Suho stormed out of the cafeteria.
Suho slept through class. He got off school and went to work. He didn’t think about it—didn’t think about the argument, or Sieun, or the pain shooting up his leg. He just worked. He’d work until his arms fell off.
Suho was restocking the drinks fridge. He reached to grab the next bottle of soju but missed, the green glass shattering on the floor.
Suho looked at his hands—they were shaking uncontrollably.
He only realised then that he had forgotten to take his medication this morning. Hand tremours were a symptom of his condition.
He looked to the corner of the restaurant but found it void of a familar presence. Suho tightened his trembling hands into a fist. Sieun always carried his medication on him ‘just in case.’
Suho had forgotten it at home.
“Suho! Are you okay? Why are you just standing there?”
The soju bottle still laid broken on the floor, the alcohol seeping towards his shoes. He looked at Yeongyi, who had run over in concern. He took the cloth and broom she brought from her hands.
“I’m fine, Yeongyi-yah,” he replied, uncharacteristically solemn. “I just wasn’t paying attention.
He looked back at the corner. Still as empty as it as before. He took a steadying breath and bent down to clean the mess.
Suho went to Sieun’s apartment immediately after work. How could he not? This was home, he would always default to Sieun. Suho knocked on the door.
Sieun swung the door open and stared up at Suho, seemingly unsurprised to see him at the door. “Have you come to apologise?”
Suho had in fact come to do just that but hearing Sieun say it so matter-of-factly made all of his remorse exit out the door.
“Sieun-ah.” Suho gritted his teeth. “I don’t appreciate the way you’re acting like you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Sieun faced him with a matching scowl. “Well, did I? Did I do something wrong? Other than hurt your feelings? When all I did was say the truth you refuse to acknowledge.”
Suho could feel his anger rising. His chest heaving. He looked at Sieun’s face that showed he had nothing to be sorry for.
Suho shoved him by the shoulder. He did it again, making him stumble a few steps back into the entrance. Sieun didn’t flinch as Suho forcefully pinned him to the wall.
Sieun clenched his jaw. Suho stepped closer, glaring down at him.
Sieun wrapped a hand around Suho’s neck and joined their lips angrily. Sieun wasn’t gentle as he pressed against Suho’s mouth, eventually biting down on his lower lip. Suho toed off his shoes and they moved deeper into Sieun’s apartment, narrowly missing furniture.
Suho made a noise into his mouth as he let Sieun lead him into the bedroom. Sieun pushed Suho onto the bed roughly before following him, crawling to straddle his lap. He placed a hand around the base of Suho’s neck and angled his chin up with his thumb, licking into Suho’s mouth with vigour. Suho just followed his lead, moving his hands along Sieun’s waist, and fisting into the fabric of his shirt when his head started to go hazy.
Sieun leaned away. Suho’s head moved instinctually to follow him but Sieun pulled his head back by his hair.
“Is this what we need to do right now?”
Suho didn’t answer him, just kissed him again. He needed Sieun’s lips on his to alleviate the frustration that had been building, even just by a little bit. Sieun put a hand on his chest and pushed him away.
Suho was panting, out of breath and desperate. His gaze stayed on Sieun’s mouth, shiny with saliva. “I’m sorry Sieun, I was wrong.”
Suho brought their lips together, feeling how Sieun’s back arched closer to Suho’s chest.
He pulled away again. “For what exactly?”
“You’re not babying me, I shouldn’t have pushed myself that far,” he babbled. “I should have listened to you.”
Suho tried to lean forward again, but Sieun did not relent.
“It’s hard to believe what you’re saying—” Sieun looked down then back up right into Suho’s eyes. “—especially, when you’re sporting this.”
Sieun harshly grinded his hips into Suho’s erection. The movement dragged out a desperate sound from Suho.
“Are you only sorry because you want to get off? Is that why?”
Suho whined. Sieun’s hips started rocking against his.
“I’m sorry, Sieun-ah,” he choked.
“Sorry for what?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He looked down at the rough rutting of their hips and a moan leaked out of his throat. He closed his eyes tight. “I’m sorry.”
Sieun’s breath grew ragged. He pressed down hard into his lap and Suho felt his head go dizzy. He squeezed Sieun’s waist tightly as his dick throbbed from all the friction.
Sieun looked at him with harsh eyes. “I don’t believe you.”
Suho’s hips bucked upwards. He didn’t even have the words to respond, he could only let out shuddering gasps. “I— I—”
“I hate you.”
Suho came into his pants, his vision blurring as his hips twitched.
Maybe it was the contrast between the harshness of Sieun’s words and the desperate way he was grinding their dicks together but those three words set something off in his pelvis.
Sieun’s breathing was still rough as he glared down at Suho. Suho whimpered.
“I’m sorry, Sieun-ah,” he whined, looking down at the embarrassing wetness spreading across the front of his lap.
“Is that all you can say tonight?” he panted. Sieun got off Suho’s lap and fell backwards onto the bed in a huff.
Suho frantically followed, climbing over Sieun. He watched his chest heave up and down; Sieun was still hard.
A hand snaked down to his waistband.
“Please, Sieun-ah. I’m sorry. Let me make you feel good.”
Sieun clicked his tongue. He turned his head to the side and lifted his hips as he let Suho pull his pants and underwear down.
Suho watched his dick bounce up out of his boxers. Grabbing the lube from the bedside drawer where he knew it would be, he slathered his right hand in it.
He wrapped a hand around Sieun’s dick and relished in the sound of a moan tearing through his throat.
Suho leaned over Sieun and took in his expression as he stroked him firmly. Sieun’s head fell back, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip. Suho smiled as Sieun shivered, back arching and fucking himself up on Suho’s hand. If Sieun wouldn’t accept his apology in words, he was glad for him accept his remorse through his hand.
Suho’s pace sped up, eager to please, and he was rewarded with breathy moans spilling out of the man underneath him.
“Mhm, fuck— Suho-yah,” he panted.
Sieun opened his eyes and looked down at Suho’s hand, wrapped around his girth, as he gripped his bicep tightly.
I want to make him cum. I want him to feel good.
Suho squeezed, adding pressure as he pumped. Sieun’s gasps grew faster and Suho could feel his nails digging into his arm. His hips kept bucking involuntarily.
Suho felt Sieun’s muscles tense under him and, soon, he came messily over Suho’s hands.
Sieun looked beautiful, face flushed and sweat beading on his forehead. With whatever strength he had left, he pushed Suho so he lay on his back next to him as he caught his breath.
“That was too quick,” he muttered.
Suho sat up enthusiastically. “We can go again. If you want.” His dick had already started stiffen when he saw Sieun unravel in his hands.
Sieun looked over at him, as if seriously considering it.
“No.” Sieun forced Suho’s eager head down with a palm. “This isn’t the time.” Sieun glared at him. “Do you have anything to say?”
“I’m sor—”
“Anything else? I think I got that already.”
Suho collapsed back onto the bed. He took a deep breath.
“I said too much. You’re not babying me. You’re just caring for me. I don’t know why I said that.
“It’s just… hard, you know? I’ve never had to be the person people worry about.” He kept his eyes on the ceiling, afraid of losing his words if he saw Sieun’s face. “But, I’m going to get used to it. It’s not the same as it was before.”
Silence fell between them.
“Okay.”
Suho turned to Sieun, who was already watching him. “Okay?”
“Mhmm. I accept your apology.” Sieun poked Suho’s cheek. “Just don’t be stupid.”
Suho pecked his lips. “Don’t worry, Sieun-ah,” he grinned. “The only stupid I am is stupid in love with you—”
Sieun groaned as Suho cackled. He turned to face away from him, but Suho still caught the way his eyes crinkled in amusement.