Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Music Box
“Are you sure this is going to be okay?” Raven enquired once again, already finding her own question annoying and repetitive. She gripped the steering wheel a little bit tighter, her palms sweating nervously. She would have complained about being up so early if her heart wasn’t in her throat. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair before reaching down to fiddle with the clasp on her leg brace with her right hand. A nervous habit she had picked up during her time in high school.
Groaning, Clarke tipped her head back in exasperation, “Raven, I’ve told you. You’re coming, mom’s okay with it, she would have invited you even if I hadn’t suggested it. Out of everyone, she probably favours you the most.” She pulled her phone from her back pocket, most likely to text Lexa, and half-heartedly waved Raven off when the brunette went to argue. “Octavia is spending the day with Bell and I just don’t want you to be on your own, okay?”
When it was safe to do so, Raven snapped her head round to glare at Clarke for a second before turning it back to the snow covered road ahead. “So you only wanted me to spend the day with you because you felt sorry for me?” It was rhetorical, she didn’t want Clarke to answer, maybe only a little scared of the actual answer she already knew despite her voice being playful. “Gee, thanks.”
“No,” Clarke grumbled. “I want to spend Christmas with my favourite people. Octavia would have been invited, too, and she would have agreed that you shouldn’t be on your own.” Turning her body to finally face Raven for the first time since they set off over ten minutes ago, she readied herself for an argument. “Please try and relax. This is the first time my mom will be on her own for Christmas since dad died, I’m leaving later on, I know it’s hard for you too.” The soft tone to Clarke’s voice pulled at a broken string in her chest. “If anything, being around people who understand may make for a better Christmas?”
Guilt immediately rose in Raven’s chest causing her to slump in dejection. “Okay.” She nodded in affirmation and allowed the silence to swallow them up. It wasn’t for another five minutes that Raven spoke up again. “What time is Lexa picking you up?” She asked curiously, her brain jumped to calculate the amount of time she would be spending alone with Abby. Raven gulped as though it would remove the blush from her cheeks and quench the burning in her heart.
“Not until one. Anya likes to eat late.” Clarke was glued to her phone once again and Raven rolled her eyes. Women and their girlfriends. Raven wanted to mutter something sarcastic in response but she thought better of it. Clarke would only get wound up in the end and she didn't want an argument on Christmas.
They finally pulled up outside the Griffin household – the tires of Raven’s car only slid a couple of inches – it was nothing fancy but it was definitely something Raven could never afford, with its front lawn and painted walls and trimmed grass. There was a cute little flower bed along one side of the fence that was drowned in white snow, shaded by a small, what she assumed to be a bare apple tree, she wasn’t one for gardening and she’d never paid any attention in her biology classes in high school to be able to recognise specific breeds of plants and trees. Raven peeled her hands from the steering wheel, her skin sticking almost painfully to the leather material.
Clarke helped with some of the bags they had packed, it was mostly food for lunch that they had agreed to help Abby prepare but mixed amongst the plastic food containers there was the odd gift from the pair, either for one another or for Abby herself. After all, it was only polite of Raven to have a gift for the woman that had kindly offered to put her up for the day. Maybe it was a little more than polite considering she’d spent that last few weeks building it with her own two hands, creepy maybe… She didn’t have time to dwell on it for too long, though, because Clarke tapped her hand against the door two or three times before entering as if she owned the place.
Raven couldn’t help but think about how she hadn’t had that. A real family. She’d never had her parents around when she was younger, she’d lived with her grandmother from the age of twelve until she was sixteen before she moved in with Wick, got herself a good job and saved enough money for herself to afford college. Sure she’d had to borrow some from Wick leaving her in a shit ton of debt, but she was slowly paying that off. Raven refused to touch the money that her grandmother had left her, promising to keep it until she had a family of her own.
She cautiously followed Clarke down the slightly familiar hallway, her eyes, like they often had before, followed the proudly framed photos hanging on the wall. She traced the happy smiles with deep focus, always landing on one in particular. “Clarke!” Raven jumped as she wandered into the back of the blonde’s body, her attention snapped to the scene in front of her. The woman in question was engulfed within strong, tanned arms, causing the bag in her hand to dangle precariously as Clarke tried to hold her mom in a one armed hug. She smirked at the sight in front of her. “You’re not missing out, Raven, come on.” Abby, who had managed to catch her wandering eyes, waved the brunette over with a bright smile, one that mirrored those in the pictures, and wrapped her arm around her neck, locking her into a headlock.
Raven couldn’t recall why she had been so nervous. She felt just as welcome and accepted in Abby’s home as she had the first time Octavia and her had been invited round for dinner one evening at the beginning of Clarke’s first year of college.
She didn’t mind one bit, the warmth and affection was welcomed, she wouldn’t ever admit that, and she allowed her head to drop into the crook of the older woman’s neck as she inhaled the scent of cinnamon and coffee. “Mom, you can let go…” Clarke’s grumble was muffled by the opposite side of Abby’s head.
Chuckling, Abby released the two women with a beaming smile. “Sorry.” The smirk on Abby’s face said otherwise, however, and the laughter that broke through Raven’s lips - a genuine sound that was few and far between since Finn - was apparently the reaction Abby was hoping for. “How was the drive here?” she directed the question towards Raven, her warm eyes holding Raven’s dark ones.
“It was-”
“We only live half an hour away, mom. It’s Christmas. The roads were empty.” Clarke cut Raven off before the brunette even had a chance to answer causing Abby to roll her eyes playfully.
“You’ll be sorry when I’m too old or I’m not here anymore and there’s no one to care for you.” It was a teasing comment, one Raven had often heard from her friend’s parents but this time there was a heavy weight to Abby’s words, something underlying the statement that caused the hairs on the back of Raven’s neck to bristle.
“Mom.” Clarke snapped.
“What? I’m just saying, I’m getting old and you’re growing up far too fast.” The older woman walked into the kitchen, Clarke hot on her heels leaving Raven to stand awkwardly in the doorway, bag still in hand. She wasn’t sure whether or not the subject would be dropped or if it would even be acceptable for her to intrude on such a topic. While it had been a few years since Clarke’s father had passed away, it was still a touchy subject for both women, and Raven during such conversations, had found herself chocking up on more than one occasion. “What have you brought for me?”
Abby had turned on her heels, her back pressed securely to the counter. The smell of ham finally caught up to Raven tempting her forward and over to the oven. “Food and things…” The younger of the two brunettes dropped the bag to the worktop beside Abby before crouching down to peer in the oven. Abby moved towards the bag curiously and a jolt raced down Raven’s spine when she saw the movement reflected in the glass, causing her to jump up to her feet faster than humanly possible and faster than her brace should have allowed. “Wait!” Clarke nearly dropped her own bag at Raven’s outburst, like a dear caught in headlights. Abby’s hands paused in mid-air, hovering over the bag with intrigue written all over her face. “You can’t see the gifts I’ve got for you both.” Defensively, she pulled the bag from the counter and hugged it to her chest as though it were her own child. Raven would argue the contents of the bag were exactly that, perfectly engineered contraptions.
“What?” Clarke asked from the other side of the kitchen island.
“What?” Raven shrugged obliviously.
She avoided Abby’s eyes but could feel the older woman shift beside her and then a warm, soft hand landed gently on her shoulder. “Raven, you didn’t have to buy us gifts.” Her words floated into her ears like a melody, causing a shiver to run through her body.
“I didn’t.” She replied as nonchalant as she possibly could. When both women sent her a quizzical look all she could do, without giving everything away, was supply them with a passive shrug. “I made them.”
Abby beamed excitedly, taking a step back to preserve the mystery of the gifts and wandered over to the sink where she lifted freshly rinsed vegetables out of the colander and onto the chopping board. “I suppose we better hurry up with the food then, I’m looking forward to these gifts.” The two younger women dropped their bags to the island and pulled out the essential food needed to prepare their Christmas dinner.
----
She’d never been one to celebrate holidays, purely because she’d never had a family to celebrate with. After moving in with Wick, they’d made a show of celebrating big sports events and hadn’t really given any effort towards Christmas or Thanksgiving and the likes of, Finn had tried, but she’d just never been interested. It just wasn’t her thing. However, during college, building relationships with her friends and in theory, building her own close family, she’d been more open to the idea, particularly because Octavia was obsessed with the holiday.
The year previous, she had returned home from Wick’s garage to find the apartment she shared with Clarke and the other woman completely covered from floor to ceiling with tinsel and fake snow, the sparkly irritable kind that you somehow managed to find in your underwear three weeks after January 1st. But despite the itching, she had managed to appreciate the sentiment and relaxed into the idea that Christmas wasn’t so bad, nor were the other holidays, as long she could celebrate with some alcohol and people who she didn't mind seeing her having a good time.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about Clarke leaving her later that day, slightly betrayed maybe? She wasn’t sure. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the sentiment, she was quite thankful for that, in fact, but she couldn’t help the feeling at the back of her mind that she was been given charity. She’d spent enough Christmases on her own to be okay with a McDonalds Christmas offer and Pulp Fiction. She glanced over towards Abby, her hands chopping half-heartedly at a carrot while Abby calculatedly poured some sort of liquor into the stock. She followed the smoothness of her bare arms, up her neck and towards her face where her brow was dipped in concentration as she measured the right amount into a jug-
“Shit!” The knife in Raven’s hand had long since reached the end of the carrot and was now digging angrily into the side of her thumb. She dropped the knife and slapped her hand to cover her mouth as though she could pull back in the vulgar language that had just escaped. “Sorry.” She remembered during her first two years of high school, how her teachers had always yelled at her for using such language. One had even gone far enough to say that it was only the less intelligent of people who swore and cursed. Raven had proven her wrong the day she graduated from high school top of all of her classes, well, almost, all but biology, but she didn’t fail.
Raven was too busy being embarrassed about saying ‘shit’ that she didn’t notice Clarke hoisting her arm in the air, away from the ruined carrot and Abby swiftly and expertly wrapping a wet cloth around her hand. “Dude, I don’t think I’ve seen you move so fast in my life. Well, maybe other than that time I set the bathroom on fire…” There was a rumble that rose up from her belly, up her chest and bubbled out into deep, throaty laughter. It could be the scene unfolding in front of her, the way both women rushed to her aid or it could be the hilarity of their heights. All three women reaching the same height and with Raven’s arm waving in the air meant that Abby had to reach right up onto the tips of her toes. She probably would have brought her arm down but the vice like grip that Clarke had on her wrist made it next to impossible.
That was what she told herself anyway, Abby smirked down at her, it could be a smirk or maybe the soft smile she had seen in the framed photos, she didn’t really catch it before Abby was going back to work on her hand, instead her eyes were glued to the loosely buttoned blouse that Abby was wearing. She tried not to make it obvious, her eyes flicked in as many directions that were physically possible, she even stared at the sink for at least two seconds before her eyes snapped back to their desperate destination. At least it kept her eyes from going to the trail of blood down her arm. She didn’t cope well with the red liquid. No matter the amount.
If she could have, Raven would have rolled her eyes straight into the back of her head if it meant she would stop staring at the very obvious and very appealing cleavage right in front of her face.
“How is it, that you always manage to hurt yourself?” Abby teased playfully as she wiped at the blood leaking from Raven’s thumb in order to see the extent of the damage. “It’s pretty bad…” it was muttered to herself as an observation. Clarke, after a moment or so released her wrist which allowed Abby to pull it down to her own level, consequently removing the view from Raven’s line of sight. “What was it last time?” The humour in Abby’s voice was more than alluring to Raven’s ears. “Bump on your head when the bonnet of Callie’s car fell on you?”
She beamed at the other woman, the memory flashed behind her eyes of the barbeque that Abby had hosted earlier that summer. Callie’s car had been making a rattling sound on the way over and Raven, being the gentleman she was, offered to check it for her. Abby wandering past the car in shorts and flannel shirt had caught her eye and before she could stop herself her head was bouncing off of the hood of the car. “You don’t have to do this.” Raven spoke softly, her voice quiet as she did so. “I’ve had worse.”
Chuckling, Abby nodded in agreement. “I don’t doubt it.” She smiled sweetly at Raven as she pulled an antiseptic wipe from a first aid kit that Clarke had handed her before going back to work on the food, leaving Abby and Raven on the other side of the lengthy kitchen. “This is going to sting like crazy.” Abby gave her a warning glance before dabbing firmly at the sliced skin.
Raven didn’t flinch, she didn’t even blink. She had her fair share of accidents especially working in a garage, so injuries were expected. She often came home with more cuts and bruises than she knew what to do with. “I’m tough.” She joked while the last of the blood was wiped up and a strip, a butterfly strip she thought she remembered them being called from the last time she had been in a hospital, was placed over the deep cut followed by a band aid.
“You certainly are.” Abby patted her arm affectionately. “You can’t be using knives anymore, though.” She smirked as she wound Raven around the island and towards a draw, “You wouldn’t mind setting the table would you?”
“I can still help…” Raven trailed off, she waved in the direction of Clarke bashing something violently with a rolling pin, the look that Abby shot her daughter was something Raven recognised well but had never been on the receiving end of. The amount of love that could be expressed through a single look astounded Raven in every way possible and she knew that was only because she’d never had a mother who could have looked at her like that. “Actually, no. She’s doing just fine on her own.” Raven jested then turned to pull open the draw with her pointer finger, allowing herself a second to take in a welcoming breath, Abby’s eyes began burning a hole in the back of her body a second later. Her chest felt uncomfortably hot and heavy, however, and she knew it was because her mind was drifting back to that place and she didn’t know how she was supposed to deal with that. Raven Reyes didn’t do feelings.
“Mom, I don’t know why you’re making all of this food.” Clarke called over her shoulder, her hand still smashing at whatever was on the chopping board and with each smack to the wood Raven couldn’t help but flinch ever so slightly. “Lexa is coming for me in like two hours.” Raven wouldn't be eating whatever the blonde was preparing.
“I don’t understand the question.” Abby blinked innocently causing Raven to sputter out a laugh. Clarke snapped her head round to shoot her a glare but the brunette shrugged sweetly and carried on placing the knives and forks down onto the table.
“I’m saying that I’m going to Lexa’s for dinner too, I won’t be able to eat this much.” Clarke explained. Raven would have given a disbelieving look at the fact that Clarke had referred to herself and only herself as the one to be eating all of the food, however, living with her and Octavia, Raven had grown used to consuming this amount if not more in the space of minutes.
Sighing, Abby pulled the possible weapon from Clarke’s death grip and waved her off towards the oven to pull the cooked ham out. “You have your father’s appetite, which means you will eat an unlimited amount of anything even if you don’t like it,” The aforementioned man drew Raven’s attention once again causing her to shift awkwardly on her feet on the opposite end of the kitchen. She felt far too intrusive for her own good and rubbed at the back of her neck awkwardly. “So please excuse me if I don’t understand your absurd statement.” Abby teased as she brought the vegetables over to the table in big, hot steaming dishes.
Raven wandered over to the fridge where she had placed the bottle of the most expensive alcohol she could find in the shop and carried it over to the table with three equally expensive looking glasses. She should probably be given a sippy cup with her track record of being far too clumsy for her own good. Following her with the ham, Clarke sat down at the table opposite Raven leaving the only remaining seat for Abby at the head of the table. She presumed that was where Jake used to sit.
True to Abby’s word, Clarke piled her plate high with food. “Help yourself, honey.” Abby gestured towards the range of food that had scattered the table. Raven figured it would only be polite of her to do as Clarke had done. “Poor Octavia.” Abby grinned at Raven.
“What’s wrong with Octavia?”
“What’s Octavia done?”
Both girls replied in unison around their mouthfuls of food, sending one another questioning glances. Abby could only chuckle at the sight in front of her as she took her first bight of food.
“She has to live with the both of you, how does she get any food into herself?” Abby laughed out loud at their incredulous expressions.
“Mom!” Clarke jumped to interject.
“Abby, you don’t understand…” Raven cut the blonde off with the beginnings of her own laughter. “We have to eat this much because if Octavia gets her hands on it first she will devour the whole apartment.”
Abby’s laughter ricocheted off every surface in the room as her head fell back in delight. Raven could’t help but grin at the sight knowing that she had been the one to elicit such a sound. “No way?” The younger woman nodded in all honesty while Clarke piped up about eating something along the lines of a horse and then changing her mind to a whale… she wasn't really listening because she was watching the way Abby was staring intently at her daughter, a beaming smile on her face as they both ate and talked at the same time, without a care in the world. The faint lines around Abby’s eyes and mouth were one of the most beautiful features on the woman’s face, second to her eyes.
She gulped, the thought was almost like a slap across the face. She reached for her glass and downed the contents easily. She rubbed at her face before picking her knife back up and cutting a slice of the ham. She was going to have to get over this stupid little crush she had. Abby was Clarke’s mom, her best friend’s mom and everything about what she was thinking was dangerous if she wanted to keep the blonde in her life. It wasn’t like she had always made a habit of such things, in fact, her past experience consisted of only Finn and that had gone to shit. She was only kidding herself here and maybe, well not really, but it could be okay to be attracted to her but anything more, to Raven, was just a dead end and a silly fantasy world evolving inside her head.
“You okay, Rae?” Clarke asked worriedly. Apparently she’d been sitting staring at her food without eating it for a while.
“Erm,” Raven shook her head and sat up straight. “Yeah, sorry…” She smiled at Clarke and then Abby in apology. “It was a long drive.” She lied. Their plates were empty while hers was only half of that. She tucked into her food and finished it in silence while the other two women waited for her to clean her plate. The small amount of tension that had formed quickly dissipated with a loud crack and a cheer from the opposite side of the table. Abby had pulled a Christmas cracker by herself, the faint scent of burning sulfur wafted over to Raven’s nostrils forming a grin that split her face.
“Merry Christmas!” she applauded placing the paper crown atop her head. Clarke rolled her eyes but couldn’t tame her own smile as she lifted another Christmas cracker up off the table and held it in Raven’s direction for her to pull. She did just that, however, with slightly less enthusiasm than Abby, but grinned when she held the bigger section. “Put the crown on, Raven.” Abby urged, her words laced with excitement.
And of course, she did as she was told. There was a joke about a penguin that was both hilarious and disturbingly unfunny.
They laughed anyway.
Once everything was finished she helped Abby take the dirty dishes into the kitchen to be washed later and wrapped the leftovers which would likely feed a small village… Clarke would probably take them back to their apartment to be eaten in one sitting. Clarke carried their bags through to the living room where they had decided on exchanging presents.
Raven turned to place one of the containers of food into the fridge, she had to shift a few items around but easily made space in the almost overflowing fridge. Jumping when something hard hit the back of her head, she couldn’t hold in the yelp that parted her lips. “What was that?” Raven raised a daring eyebrow, taunting the older woman to do whatever she had done again.
Abby had her arms behind her back, an obvious but teasing smirk on her face as she glanced in all directions around the room but at Raven. “Nothing…”
“Abby.” Raven warned as her hand reached into the fridge, her eyes glued to dark brown orbs that dared her to make the next move. Glancing down at the floor, a small orange baby carrot caught her eyes and that was it. She snapped her arm back, a container of Brussel sprouts in her hands.
All hell broke loose.
Small vegetables began to fly across the kitchen as Abby squealed and took cover behind the island while Raven chased her, screaming out what could only be described as a war cry. Handfuls of still warm brussel sprouts flew, missing Abby by inches and slapped against the wooden cabinet behind her head. “Work on your aim, Reyes.” She teased aiming a carrot straight between her eyes.
It hit her square, almost effortlessly. “You’re going to pay for that, Doc.” She reached into her bowl, only to halt when the tips of her fingers hit the bottom. Raven regarded the bowl and her enemy with calculating eyes before abandoning the item on the work top and almost jumped into a sprint as she reached out for Abby in front of her. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do now, the older woman wrapped within her arms, but Abby didn’t fight, she only turned to face her with a beaming grin that Raven easily found herself getting lost in. There was no movement bar the heaving of their chests as the excitement wore off but that didn’t stop the odd giggle from breaking the silence between them.
“What the hell?” Raven leaped away from Abby, the older woman’s arms dropped from her shoulders where she hadn’t realised they’d been wrapped and her attention shot to Clarke. The blonde woman was stood in the doorway, her jaw dropped almost to the floor as her eyes took in the scene around her. Green vegetables up the walls and cabinets while carrots scatter every flat surface. “I was away for three minutes!”
Raven curled her lips inward, trying and failing to suppress her laughter as her shoulders bounced up and down.
“Five and a half…” Abby added only to receive a burning glare. “Sorry.” She whispered under her breath loud enough that only Raven could hear it. Before the brunette could give any input, however, there was a bowl being squashed onto her head, or rather the remaining carrots still in the bowl were being squashed onto her head and the bowl was keeping them in place. “I couldn’t resist.” And then Abby was running out of the kitchen and into the living room squealing as though she were as young as her daughter and her friend.
----
Abby had been kind enough to offer Raven the guest room shower while she wiped up the mess in the kitchen. The younger woman had only protested mildly, feeling the vegetables harden against her head.
Raven towel dried her hair before she tied it up, her hair rid of the mushed carrot that had probably stained her scalp orange. She entered the living room to be met by Clarke staring up at her intensely, legs crossed beneath her while her hands clutched what looked to be her first unopened gift, picked from the pile of others all with her name labelled to the top of them under the tree. “You’re here.” Clarke stated, keeping her eyes glued to Raven’s.
She nodded in confirmation. “I am.” She eyed Clarke wearily, familiar with ‘Christmas Clarke’ where she would revert back to her six-year-old self, hyper and over excited. Clarke’s knee bounced impatiently as she waited for Raven to take a seat on the couch, Abby walked in from the kitchen and took a seat beside the younger brunette, perhaps a little closer than she should have considering it was the longest piece of furniture in the room. She didn’t mind, however, Abby was close enough for her to smell her perfume causing a smile to form on the corner of her lips.
“She’s been itching to tear that open since you went up for a shower.” Abby explained with a burst of laughter. “You can open it now honey.” With that, Clarke tore the paper, throwing it over her shoulder while yanking the ribbon haphazardly over the other. “Clarke,” Abby warned as the bent over to pick up the strewn paper.
“Thank you, mom.” Clarke held a new set of paints, Raven presumed they were oil but she couldn’t be sure, they all looked the same to her. “I love it.” She reached up to wrap her arm around her mother’s neck. Raven understood why Clarke had wanted to invite her now, the way Abby was watching her intently, as though the blonde was still her baby, so full of love and her own excitement. She guessed that Clarke didn’t want to see that look fade when she had to leave. Especially with Abby living on her own, it must have been a common occurrence. “Your turn.” Clarke declared excitedly to her mom. She reached into the bag that was sat just to the left of her and pulled out a small but neatly wrapped box. It was clear to Raven that whatever was concealed was some item of jewellery. “It’s nothing amazing, Lexa helped me pick it out, but…” Clarke waved her hand dismissively as she urged Abby to open the gift.
The older woman, a complete contrast apparently to that of her daughter, delicately pulled away the paper and the tape holding it together, and folded it by her side. Raven began to chuckle, her shoulder’s bobbed in delight as she eyed Abby, a warmth spreading through her chest when she turned to face her. “Just because my daughter has a grudge against the paper doesn’t mean I do.” Patting the paper flat, she grinned at Raven. “Less mess.”
“Cute.” Raven involuntarily blushed at her own words and if it hadn’t been for the ducking of her head, she would have noticed the redness that crawled its way up Abby’s neck and the glare that Clarke shot her. Abby flipped the lid of the small box open, something to take her mind off of Raven’s words, it would seem, and was met with the sparkling bracelet that held three small charms. The brunette couldn’t get close enough without seeming nosey to see exactly what they were, but as Abby gasped, one hand shot to cover her mouth, she knew it must have been personal.
“Clarke…” It was chocked like she was attempting and failing at keeping down a sob. The urge to reach out to comfort the other woman was an almost burning pain inside Raven’s gut, but despite the feeling, she sat still, her hands clamped together in her lap as she waited for the feeling to pass. “This is beautiful…”
Clarke shrugged but the smile on her face was enough to convey the pride she felt in that moment. “I’m glad you like it.” But it was clear that Clarke didn’t do emotional situations, which to Raven was the reason for their friendship, because a moment later she thrust a gift in Raven’s direction. “Here.”
“Gee thanks.” Raven deadpanned jokingly as she gratefully took the package. It was heavy and rectangular. She thought for a moment that it could be another item of jewellery and shook it beside her ear, listening for any movement. It was silent and became apparent that it wasn’t hollow.
“Just open it, for crying out loud, Raven.” Clarke muttered in frustration, her head tipped back in exasperation.
“Don’t leave us waiting, Clarke might explode.” Abby teased from her side, nudging the younger woman with her arm. It surprised Raven just how close they were causing her to jump ever so slightly. She covered the movement well, however, removing the paper in one swift tear.
She blinked blankly down at the item in her hands. “It’s a book...” she didn’t move her head but her eyes flicked upwards in a questioning glance.
“Look at its name!” she did as she was told.
“How to get a girlfriend in ten easy steps.” Abby’s laughter broke the instant of silence. “Just what I need…” Sarcasm. It was her go to emotion. Was sarcasm even an emotion?
“It is actually.” Raven’s face must crinkle in discomfort, she definitely felt it, more so because Abby was eyeing her curiously and probably with amusement, too. Clarke smirked up at her from her position still on the floor. “Wow, I haven’t seen you looking this uncomfortable since that time you blew up half of your room with the toaster and had to wear Lexa’s clothes for a week.” Clarke paused as she added off handed, “mind, the uncomfortable faces you pulled that week were probably because you had to wear Octavia’s thongs…”
Raven’s eyes bugged out of her head as she gasped desperately for words. “That’s not…” she snapped her eyes over to Abby who had her hand balled up against her mouth to hold in her laughter causing her shoulders to bob up and down almost violently. “She’s lying.” Raven held her hands up in defense as though she could hide her embarrassment behind the apparent lies.
“I am not!” Clarke threw some balled up paper at Raven’s head, insulted at the brunette’s accusation.
“You don’t get to have your gift now.” Raven huffed as she reached into the bag to hide the scruffily wrapped present behind her back.
Clarke dropped back down to the floor, her butt hit the ground with an uncomfortable sounding thud. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
Abby finally allowed the laughter to break through the silence that had accompanied the death stare that Raven was shooting Clarke. “The way you both behave; I’m surprised your apartment hasn’t blown up yet.” She mused to herself with a chuckle unaware of the almost panicked glances that the two younger women shot one another. Their minds flashed to the time only three months ago when Raven had tried to repair the fifty odd year old fuse box in the basement of their building only to have it blow up in her face. Octavia had been so distraught by the lack of electricity that she had gone after Raven with a crow bar out of her tool box and had ‘accidentally’ smashed the boiler. They were lucky Clarke was good with her words, or they would have surely been evicted by their landlord. “I don’t want to know…” Abby apparently caught the tail end of their glances and shook her head. “Now hurry up, Clarke’s leaving soon and the anticipation is killing me.”
Obliging happily to Abby’s request, Raven handed over the small gift to Clarke who took it gratefully. “Don’t get your hopes up too much, I’m broke and I could only use what I could find around the apartment and the garage.” She shrugged passively but the blush creeping up her cheeks suggested that she was feeling more than she was letting on. “O got one too. We both pitched in for your birthday present which will be ten times as awesome as this.” she gestured to the small gift uncomfortably.
Clarke tore the paper open and pulled out a small bracelet. It was a thin black string looped round and connected at the other end by a small silver nut, it had been polished to give off a shine. The blonde ran her thumb across the small chunk of metal before she slipped the piece of jewelry onto her wrist. “Rae…” the indentations in the side caught the blonde’s eye, her name had been etched and filled in with a bronze looking metal. Clarke was about to say something but she was cut off as Raven jumped to hide her embarrassment.
She rubbed at the back of her neck as she felt Abby’s eyes flicker between them. “You, O and me have one each, see.” She rolled up her sleeve to expose her own, identical to that of Clarke’s. “I figured you’d need something to remember me by when we all finish college.” She only half joked, after all she would be staying in New York to run the garage with Wick, Clarke was planning on moving to Paris to join a fancy art school and Octavia was planning on travelling the world with Lincoln for a while. Of course she knew that they’d always stay in touch. Friendships like the ones they had formed didn’t just disappear overnight, but there was a niggling feeling in the back of her mind that was telling her that eventually, after a few years, texts and calls would be few and far between and visits would be even less. “It’s not much I know but erm…” Raven reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out a white envelope. “I got you this, too. To say thanks for inviting me round for lunch and all.” Clarke accepted the second gift gratefully and pulled out a voucher.
The few seconds of silence that followed confirmed to Raven that Clarke was feeling the same. But as the blonde lifted her head up to face her, a smirk tugged at the corners of her lips, she knew there would be no need for an awkward conversation. “You’re such a nerd.” She held up the gift, it really wasn’t much, Raven had had to ask for an advance on her wages to be able to afford it but she was sure that Clarke would enjoy the all-expenses paid art class nonetheless.
“Shut up.” Raven muttered but was unable to suppress her own smile. She did notice, however, how Abby had grown awfully quiet, she glanced to her side to find the aforementioned woman staring at her with something in her eyes, something deep and echoing as though she was watching the scene unfold before her but thinking intensely of something else. The tug in Raven’s chest was almost unbearable as their eyes met, a flicker in Abby’s eyes, a flash of something familiar, it only lasted for a second but it was gone before she knew it. The pink hue didn’t go unnoticed by Raven as it crawled up Abby’s cheeks.
“My turn.” Abby called, breaking the tension that had formed around the three of them. She stood abruptly, wiping down her jeans before she wandered out of the room only to return a moment later with a heavy looking box. It was wrapped within the same neatly folded paper as Clarke’s had been only this box was at least four times the size. Big enough that Abby needed to use two hands to carry it. “This is for you.” Abby placed it on the coffee table in front of Raven with a heavy, metallic thud and a beaming smile splitting her face in two as she stared down at the younger brunette.
“You… You got me a gift?” Raven was genuinely shocked as she blinked between the gift and the other woman, her eyes were wide and her mouth hung on a slack jaw. She even chanced a glance at Clarke, silently questioning her friend as to whether or not this was real or not.
“Of course.” Abby nodded in confirmation.
Shaking her head in disbelief, Raven reached out and ran her fingers over the top of the wrapping. “You didn’t have to do that…”
“I wanted to.” Abby finally sat down beside her and placed her hand on Raven’s shoulder, squeezing it gently.
“Thank you, Abby.” She sounded dazed, her voice coming out in soft wisps. The truth was, she hadn’t ever received a proper gift since she lived with her grandmother, and even then it would have just been a gift card or something small. Clarke and Octavia were the same, always something small or joking, something she could appreciate none the less. And when it had come down to Finn, well, she had her necklace but other than that the both of them had been unreliable, forgetting birthdays and not bothering with Christmas at all. However, she could not remember the last time she had felt this way when receiving a gift.
The laughter eased her shock as Abby nudged her shoulder with her own. Her body was closer than it had been before, close enough that both of their arms were flat against each other causing the heat from their skin to melt together. “You haven’t opened it yet, don’t thank me until you see what it is.” She hadn’t, she was too scared to actually tear the paper. Well, not scared, that was maybe the wrong word. Cautious perhaps was a better and more accurate term for what she was feeling in that moment. Because her heart was hammering in her chest at a million miles per second and her ribs were straining to keep her lungs tightly inside her body. Abby’s eyes were trained on her, where they flickered every now and then back to her unmoving hands. Raven knew that she was over thinking things far too much. It was only a gift after all and Abby was her best friend’s mom. But it occurred to her then that her silence and stillness may be interpreted as her being ungrateful so Raven shook her head, removing all thoughts as she carefully tore the sticky tape holding the paper together. Beneath, a sheer, metallic red metal was exposed that allowed the light spilling in from the window to reflect from the surface, inch by inch. She was milking it. Savoring every moment. Relaxing under the gaze of the woman next to her.
“For crying out loud.” Raven’s head snapped up just in time to see Clarke reach out and yank the paper from the metal box in her lap. “I will shove that up your ass if you don’t open it and tell me what’s inside.”
Raven only gawked for a moment before her own impatient mind got the better of her. She knew that what she was holding was a tool box, a rather expensive one at that. She’d seen this exact one not too long ago, too, and had begged Wick to save up and split it with her. “Oh my god.” She chanced a glance in Abby’s direction to find worried eyes flicking between her and the gift, to Clarke and then back to her.
“Is it the right one? I wasn’t sure if it was… Clarke mentioned it one day in passing.” She waved her hand, gesturing between the tool box and her daughter. “I still have the receipt if it’s not the right one.”
“No, Abby, this-” Raven cut herself off before she knew the break in her voice could be heard. She choked it down with a deep frown, filled with annoyance and confusion. She rubbed at her chin with the tips of her fingers. “This is the best present anyone has ever gotten me.” She hated the way her voice involuntarily went soft, how the scrapes of emotion she was feeling was seeping out to the surface.
Abby grinned, beamed in fact, her perfectly white teeth shining at her with glee. “Good.” She bobbed her head, almost as though she was trying to keep her own emotions in check. “That’s good.”
“Dude!” Clarke snapped, reaching over to wave her hand in front of Raven’s face. “My gift was totally cool.”
“Yeah… for you maybe. I don’t need any help with the ladies.” Raven puckered her lips as she waved the blonde off.
“I’m not the one who’s single.” The glare Clarke shot her caused a cold shiver to run down her spine, she had no doubt that the blonde could kill with her ice cold death stare and wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of it if she ever truly had angered her friend.
Raven gently placed the tool box to the ground noting its weight and momentarily cataloguing its contents as she flipped the lid open to glance inside before she reached over to the dull, in comparison, bag filled with the gifts Clarke and herself had brought along with them and pulled out an oddly wrapped present. “This one’s for you.” Raven’s heart stuttered at the genuine gasp of surprise that escaped Abby’s lips.
“I told her she didn’t have to get you anything but she insisted.” Clarke interjected with an eye roll.
“She’s right, you didn’t have to get me anything.” For a moment Raven thought she had maybe made the wrong decision, that she’d gone and embarrassed herself but as a delighted smile tugged at the corners of Abby’s mouth she knew she hadn’t. “But I love presents as much as Clarke does so thank you.” Abby laughed whole heartedly as she squeezed Raven’s hand.
“Raven’s been locked away in her room banging around for the past two weeks and wouldn’t tell us what she was doing.” Clarke started as Raven’s heart began to race in her chest. She stayed quiet, her eyes were glued to her hands and she couldn’t help but desperately hope that Abby liked it. It had taken her a while to get it working and to even find the parts she needed. Don’t get her started on welding it all together, she wasn’t perfect when it came to using a soldering iron but she damn well tried her hardest to make it so. Abby chuckled as she glanced between the two younger women. “O and I actually thought she was building a rocket for a while…”
Raven rolled her eyes and slouched against the back of the couch with a huff. “You’re being dramatic.”
“I am not!” Clarke screeched defensively before she threw a cushion off the love seat at her head. “We had to remind her to eat!” she gaped at her mom, her hands were outstretched waiting for a response from the woman.
“That was one time! And only because I was working on that project with Sinclair, too.”
“Whatever. You still forgot to eat.” Clarke muttered beneath her breath. Raven decided not to mention the time she forgot to sleep and only realised when a pigeon flew in through the window she had left open, she’d spent an hour or so that morning, half asleep, trying to coax the bird back out from where it came.
Huffing out a breath Raven leaned forward with a teasing glare. “Just because food is your life doesn’t mean it will always be on my mind too.”
“Food isn’t my life.” Clarke snapped.
“Oh yeah, I forgot that was Lexa now.” While her words were only teasing, the playful lilt to them palpable between their quick banter, it didn’t stop the angry flush from rising up to Clarke’s cheeks.
“And I think that’s enough.” Interjecting, Abby held her hands up to silence any other comment from being shot in either direction. “I want to open my gift.” She wiggled excitedly in her spot close to Raven causing their skin to rub together. Between that and the grin on her face, Raven couldn’t decide whether or not she was about to implode or explode. Something with an ‘ode’ for sure… Abby turned to beam at Raven as though she was waiting for conformation. Smiling back Raven nodded causing the other woman to tear the paper, a completely hilarious contrast to how she had acted before.
While she was nervous to see Abby’s reaction, she couldn’t help the bubble of excitement that shimmied its way up her chest, splitting her face into an inhumanly wide grin. “It’s not as big a deal as Clarke is making it out to be…” She rubbed at the back of her neck as she caught the first glimpse of deep bronze coloured metal. Clarke muttered something but she didn’t catch it. Abby’s eyes had her attention, sparkling and gleaming with excitement as the last of the paper was torn away to reveal what Raven had made. “It’s really for both of you I guess.” She added as an afterthought. She'd originally meant for it to be for Clarke's birthday after realising how important it was to the blonde. However, when she'd been invited to join the Griffin women for Christmas, she'd thought of a better use for it.
“What is it?” Clarke asked bluntly, tipping her head to the side curiously. Raven watched as Abby inspected the spherical object within one palm, tracing the tiny holes with the tip of her finger along the small pin sized bars and onto the small star shaped segments of metal that were perched on the ends. Raven hoped silently to herself that Abby didn’t shake it.
She cleared her throat and drew Abby’s attention towards her. “Can I?” she held her hand out waiting for the object to be placed within it remembering its weight and stroking her own fingers across the cool metal. With her left hand she leant to the side and pulled out what looked to be a small key from her pocket and placed it within a small hole in the side. “I remembered Clarke telling me about how Jake used to…” she trailed off when music started playing and glowing light escaped through the tiny holes that scattered the surface lighting up her hand and the stars attached to the sphere.
The sound coming from the music box was soothing, at least it should have been but all that Raven could feel was the eyes of the other two women on her. Burning deeply into her soul. It had never been a song Raven had recognised before the second anniversary of Jakes death when Clarke, Octavia and herself had gotten particularly drunk and the blonde had played the recording of him singing it to her. It had been an old recording, as though it had been burned from a CD or even a tape, his voice had been scratchy but the tune was clearly eligible amongst the static. Raven had sat watching countless videos on YouTube on how to build the cylinder for a music box but due to the complex design it had taken her twice as long to adapt it.
She was proud none the less and as the music came to an end she couldn’t hold back the beam, even when the light faded and silence enveloped the room. Clarke and Abby watched. Raven gulped. “Raven…” Abby’s voice was unexplainably soft and gentle as she reached out to take her hand.
“Well shit.” Clarke muttered. Her voice sounded teasing but Raven caught the crack and the undertone of something sore and painful. “I need to go and get you another gift.” Abby laughed a watery laugh, keeping in her own tears that Raven could plainly see flooding her eyes.
“If anyone starts crying I’m leaving.” Raven joked. “This wasn’t meant to make people sad.” She explained as her smile dropped, worry and panic grew in her chest. Maybe she should have just gotten her something practical like a stethoscope or Starbucks gift card… “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha-”
Raven was surprised to be cut off when a ball of blonde was hurled at her, arms engulfed her shoulders as Clarke tackled her to the couch. Abby was only just able to catch the box as it fell from Raven’s hands. “You’re going soft, you idiot.” Clarke laughed heartily into her neck. “Thank you.”
“No I’m not.” Raven chocked out around the death grip Clarke had on her. “I’m solid as a rock.” Their laughter filled the room around them as Raven patted the blonde’s back. She was glad that she had been able to bring such happiness to Clarke, especially during what had previously been a sad time for the woman. She grinned to herself more than anyone in particular, her eyes flickered over to Abby and the grin and the happiness she had felt literally boiling up inside her dissipated.
Abby’s eyes were downcast, she clutched the music box in her hand as she traced over the key protruding from the side. Raven couldn’t help but feel that the gift hadn’t had the impact on the older woman that she was hoping for. When Clarke pulled away to retreat back to her place on the floor, Raven turned to Abby. She wanted to ask the woman if she was okay but the dark shadow that seemed to have ghosted over her face told her that she should probably keep the question to herself. It was pretty obvious to her that Abby was far from okay and the thought that she had caused that made her feel sick.
The doorbell sounded from the other side of the house drawing their attention to Clarke who jumped to her feet, far too fast for it to be humanly possible, and most likely giving herself whiplash. She leapt through the doorway and into the hall where a new voice could be heard. “I guess that’s the last we’ll see of her.” Raven joked as she clambered to her feet, her brace only slightly locking from being still for so long.
Abby offered her a half-hearted smile, immediately brushing off the past couple of seconds like they hadn’t just happened. “Come on.” She ushered Raven towards the hall. “I want to make Lexa squirm.” She chuckled, allowing the negative feelings to float away. At least that was what it had looked like.