Chapter Text
Hanna’s phone chirped in her purse as Emily walked away from her. The noise felt like a stab to her brain. Sean was this close to dumping her. She was getting Lucas’s hopes up when he was nothing but a friend to her. And now Emily thought she was Ali 2.0. It really felt like things couldn’t get any worse (and she’d been hit by a car before!) and yet…
Her screen lit up with A’s newest message:
You have Lucas’ heart. Now rip it out. Be the Ali you pretend to be, and kiss the girl. $1000 to seal the deal.
-A
Hanna closed her eyes as her stomach turned. It was one thing to hurt herself or the guys she cared about to help her mom, but this was Emily. Her best friend who’d never even hurt a fly. She couldn’t do this to her- toy with her emotions like she was just some pawn in A’s game. She swiped to delete the message.
Another text:
$5000 or I tip off the cops. Final offer.
-A
No no no no. A’ couldn’t. A’ wouldn’t.
A’ totally would.
Hanna groaned. She swallowed down her shame and got up to follow Emily. She didn’t know what she was going to do yet, but the idea of her mom behind bars was enough to get her moving. It was just a kiss between friends. Emily would understand if she explained it to her. It was just a kiss. The mantra was a thin thread holding her together.
“Em,” Hanna called out. Emily was tall, but her usually long strides were slowed to a drunken stumble, and Hanna had spent the last two years mastering walking/ running/ sleeping in heels. It was, like, laughably easy to catch up to her in the hallway outside the gym. She was ignored, of course.
Rightfully so, even if Emily didn’t know that yet.
“Em,” Hanna tried again, pulling at Emily’s arm to turn her around. This time Em let her, and Hanna felt herself gasping at the tears that ran down her tan face and smudged her mascara. “Oh.”
This wasn’t just going to be a kiss. A’ was asking her to stomp on her friend’s broken heart.
“What, Hanna?”
Emily’s voice was as cold as it had been outside, but now Hanna could see that the pain and anger wasn’t directed at her. It was at Maya, Ali, her mom, everybody she’d trusted who’d let her down.
Hanna hated herself in that moment, as she brushed away the tear tracks on her friend's face.
She felt the confession on the tip of her tongue as she stared at the vulnerability starting to crack through Emily at the contact. But- Her mom needed her. She needed her mom. The thought of her spending even a night in jail made Hanna sick, let alone years. She took a step closer into Emily’s space. She could smell the stolen alcohol on her breath this close. It made everything worse, knowing that Em wasn’t really in control of herself.
“Han,” Emily confusedly asked just before Hanna closed the distance between them. Emily was too slow to stop her, and their lips connected for half a second, barely enough for the sensation to register, before Emily pulled away roughly. Betrayal and rage twisted her face. The feelings seemed to steal her voice for a moment as her mouth opened and closed, but she finally managed to spit out the words that felt like a slap to Hanna’s face.
“You’re just like her.”
Hanna had longed to hear that for years- that she had achieved her dreams, become her idol, but the way Emily threw them at her made her want to curl up in a ball of shame.
“I think I’m worse,” Hanna confessed.
She could see the steam practically shooting out of Emily’s ears, and for a moment Hanna thought she might get slapped with more than just words. Then… Then Emily stepped closer, winding a hand through Hanna's hair, and kissed her much more thoroughly than before. Hanna stumbled back a step from the force of it, and Emily pushed them back a few more steps until Hannah bumped into the wall of lockers behind them. She could barely think through the shock of it. Her lips moved on autopilot against her best friend's. When Emily slipped her tongue into her mouth, Hanna had the distinct feeling that things had gotten out of hand. She tried to push off the lockers to end it, but was pinned back by Emily’s other hand on her hip. A jolt of desire ran through her. Which, what the hell? Since when did she get turned on by kissing girls? Not that Emily wasn’t a good kisser, because wow, yeah, she totally was. Better than Sean even. Actually, it was a lot like kissing a guy. Emily was tall, taller even in those black, high heeled boots that made her legs look ridiculously good, so the angle was the same. Hanna ran her hands up Emily’s arms. They were lean and muscly too, in the way she always liked. She gave them an appreciative squeeze, and felt more than heard Emily’s answering moan. It felt really, really good making someone else moan. She didn’t exactly have the most experience in that department. Making out with Sean was like making out with cardboard, except at least cardboard creaked when she squeezed. She started to kiss back with purpose, curious to see what other sounds she could get Em to make. The hand in her hair tightened, and she squeezed her legs together to help with the ache it created. She ran her hands down Emily’s chest to her stomach. There were abs there for god's sake. Hanna scratched her manicured nails down the length of them. Emily whined. Hanna did it again.
“Mmph, Ali. Please,” Emily begged.
Hanna ripped her hands away from Emily’s body. She felt like she’d been dunked in ice water. Emily thought she was Alison. Because she was drunk. And Hanna took advantage of her like some creep. She’s a horrible person. Evil. Worse than Ali ever was, without a doubt. Her whole body locked up, and eventually Emily noticed and stopped. Because she’s a good person who doesn’t take advantage of her friends. Not like her. Not evil, and terrible, and weak-
“Hanna,” Emily questioned dazedly. Her makeup was still smudged, tear tracks clear down her face, but now her lips were kiss-swollen and her dress rumpled.
Hanna was going to be sick.
“I- I’m sorry, I-“
“I think I need to sit down.”
-
They regrouped with the others. Emily drank some water, and tried to accuse Ian of murder during a public school dance. Sean dumped her. Lucas left with a scathing backwards glance after he got a text on his phone. A wad of cash fell out of her jacket pocket as she put it on. Her and Em piled into Spencer’s car for an impromptu sleepover, both trying not to puke for very different reasons.
-
Hanna came into Spencer's bedroom to see Emily trying to dial her phone.
“Who are you calling,” Hanna tiredly asked.
“Maya.”
Right. Emily’s girlfriend. Who she made Emily cheat on tonight. Definitely not a good idea to let that happen.
Hanna grabbed the phone out of her hand, ignoring Emily’s grabby hands and shouts of protests.
“Friends don’t let friends dial drunk.”
“Oh, we’re friends now?”
Ouch. “Of course we are, Em.”
“I guess you were just practicing then,” Emily said with a bitterness that Hanna didn’t really understand. Or maybe she did; Em and A’ did both mention Ali tonight. Maybe she and Em used to practice together before she went missing (it still felt wrong to say dead). If that was the case…
Ali could be such a bitch, seriously.
“I wasn’t! I wasn’t practicing, Em. I wouldn’t use you like that,” Hanna protested. Which must be how she felt, used. And Hanna was sort of using her, but not like that! It was bigger than some stupid game. It was to keep her mom out of jail. God, that didn’t sound any better. She couldn’t tell Emily that right now.
Emily shook her head slowly, and her big, brown eyes got shiny again. Hanna’s heart hurt.
“Then why? Do you… like me?”
Hanna floundered, waving her hands in the air like a moron, while she tried to think of an answer, any answer, that wouldn’t break their friendship into a bazillion tiny pieces.
“I- I don’t know, maybe? I just really needed to kiss you tonight and I’m sorry if I crossed some boundaries, or got my signals mixed up or-” Oh god, she was crashing and burning hard. Every word out of her mouth was either a half truth or a half lie.
Emily put her out of her misery, laying a hand on her arm.
“Why did you need to kiss me tonight,” Emily asked her slowly, gently, like she was some fragile thing worthy of patience, and not some wretched creature who hurt people for money.
Hanna just shook her head. The words wouldn’t come out. They were being suffocated by her guilt.
“Did you want to kiss me?”
When did want become such a complicated word? She didn’t want to kiss Emily tonight because she knew how much it would hurt her- hurt them, but she also didn’t not want to kiss her because Emily was a really good kisser who made, like incredibly hot sounds when Hanna touched her.
“I liked it,” Hanna answered with the only truth she could.
Emily swallowed, and Hanna could tell she was still a little drunk from the way her eyes dropped to Hanna’s lips, then cleavage. Sober Emily would never get caught checking someone out. She swayed a little forward, and Hanna had to stop her with a hand on her chest. Her eyes shuttered closed one at a time. Girl needed sleep.
“C’mom,” Hanna said, turning Emily towards the bed. “Sit. Lie. Sleep. We’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” She tucked the covers up around Emily and helped peel off her boots.
“Hanna,” Emily slurred. “About what you said…”
“Tomorrow. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
God knows what she’d say, but at least she’d have all night laying awake to think about it.
Emily’s face smoothed out in sleep, all the sadness and anger melting away. Hanna let out a sigh and turned off the light.
Tomorrow.
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