Archive of Our Own

1.

Everyone knew without having to be told that Yamaguchi had a complicated relationship with his parents. His dad worked overtime, spending most days traveling somewhere around the world as a consequence of his business - a job that provides them with more than enough money, but a strained family dynamic. His mom, as a consequence of her husband’s absence, remained a stay at home mom who spent majority of her day and night drinking wine to the point she could hardly stand up. 

Though, she still had the ability to make dinner each night. That was probably her only upside. Because when she was drunk, she was mean. Torturing Yamaguchi senselessly, until he was spending the entire night in bed, crying to himself without comfort. It was a different kind of torture. Different to the boys at his school who would pick on him daily - that affected him very little. But hearing his mom, using every insecurity, every sensitive topic she knew would make her son ball. That was the worst. And it was sad, because before her husband started traveling with his job, their family was the generalised vision of perfect. 

Dinner and breakfast around the table each morning and night, family nights every Sunday to set a positive outlook on the week ahead. Shopping trips to buy what they needed - allowing Yamaguchi to spoil himself because his parents wanted that for him. God, his mom used to sit in his room every night to tell Yama how much she loved him, how he was her precious child. How meaningful he was. 

And now? Silence. Yamaguchi spends most mornings slipping out of the house early enough to not see his mom, and arriving so late he could get in and go straight to his bedroom. As a consequence, his food intake began depleting. Aside from what he ate for lunch at school - he wasn’t really bothering with eating at home. His mom’s dinner was always alright, she knew how to cook. But the fear that it had been doused with alcohol, or the ingredients were far out of date scared Yamaguchi. 

He even started attending school while he was sick, just because he didn’t want to be at home. 

Sure, he had places to stay. His friends always told him he was welcome at their house. But having a complicated relationship with your parents, and watching how your friend interacts with their loving parents is really fucking hard. It causes jealously. In the least intentional way, but in a way that you simply can’t shake away. Yamaguchi remembers the last time he stayed at Bokuto’s house; how their family said good night each night, they eat dinner and watch movies together. Yamaguchi ended up pretending to be ill and went to sleep two hours early because he was so emotional from watching it. 

He cried himself to sleep that night. 

Just like every other night. 

Volleyball was an easy escape for him, however. Early morning practices - which were usually just him and Tsukishima, occasionally Hinata and Kageyama. Depending on the day of the week. These practice days relaxed him, reminded Yamaguchi that there are upsides to his life. Volleyball reminds him that training for his future, despite his young age, promotes a sense of optimism for his own eventual independence. For when he begins competing internationally, and can live by himself. Wake up in a house he’s comfortable in. 

However, he knows tonight will be different. It’s the first time in five weeks since his dad has been home, and he’s returning for a month. His mom ensured the house was clean, spotlessly so, yesterday. Yamaguchi knew this based on how his nose ticked from the cleaning supplies he could smell after sneaking inside. 

And, unwilling to admit it to anyone, Yamaguchi was really anxious to see it unfold. He didn’t want to go home. More than he had ever felt - he’d rather the torment over the unpredictability of what was to come. So when he woke up and stepped outside at 5:45am, he knew his day was going to be quiet. That’s his downside, nobody needs to guess his mood because when it’s low, his body instinctively mutes him.

So everyone knows not to talk to him when he’s like this. Not because they don’t want to deal with it, because conversations with Yamaguchi can get much too overwhelming when he’s already unwilling to speak. Sometimes during class, Nishinoya would pass him notes - one’s telling him that everything will be okay, or a simple drawing of a fluffy animal. Simple things that Yamaguchi likes. 

And, unexpected to anyone, the only person who can speak during these times are Tsukishima. Perhaps it’s because he says very little without even trying. But Yamaguchi, when in the presence of the blonde, feels all of his worries flee. They’ve both been each other’s company since they were little. Childhood friends who never truely grew apart. Inseparable, as some may say. But it’s always been that way, and nobody ever bothers, or cares to ask them why. It’s just how it has always been. 

Currently, Yamaguchi is sitting at his desk in his third period class. Science. One of his favourites. And definitely the class he gets the best results in - which is a difficult selection, considering he’s pretty much at the top of every one of his classes. This was one of the few classes he shared with Tsukishima, which may have added a bit to the excitement of the class. 

Midway through, when Yamaguchi is scribbling down every note he can, he’s nudged and met with a warm, almost secret smile.

Tsukishima’s lips quickly drop, “how are things at home?” 

“Not...great,” Yamaguchi admits, he hates acknowledging it out loud. Matter of fact, he hates speaking in general. Something about hearing his own voice - it makes him sick in a strange way. Probably because of how suppressed of talking he has been his entire life. “Are you busy tonight.”

“Depends. I could be.” 

“Oh...okay.” 

“I’m busy if you want to do something,” Tsukishima corrects, awkwardly clearing his throat and pushing his glasses up further to his bridge. It’s cute when they slip down. “Do you? We could get ice cream. Or whatever you want. Wait…isn’t your dad home tonight?” 

Yamaguchi smiles ever so gently - his cheeks undeniably flushing pink. He can’t pretend he doesn’t love Tsukki sometimes. Especially when he makes it known that he remembers almost every single little detail of anything Yamaguchi tells him. That’s the main reason he fell in love with that boy.

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi nods, “why, does that make you, uh, not want to do anything?” 

Tsukishima looks like he’s contemplating something momentarily. He scans around their classroom cautiously, before, beneath the table, taking ahold of Yamaguchi’s hand. It’s not an uncommon act for them - holding hands. But they’ve never done it at school. Well, they’ve never done it outside of their houses and it’s something that is never spoken about afterwards. It’s their thing, a little moment. 

An act that Tsukishima has no idea how much it means to Yamaguchi, or the effect it has on the butterflies within his stomach. 

It’s comfortable, especially when Tsukishima goes the additional effort to intertwine their fingers. 

“I wanna make sure you’re okay,” Tsukishima whispers. “But for now, you better keep listening to your favourite class. You don’t want to score a 94 instead of 95, do you?” 

Yamaguchi giggles, “okay…thank you.” 

The class continues — the students are so completely unaware of how much this is doing to Yamaguchi, or how his stomach is in knots. Not even how badly the green-haired boy wants to kiss the blonde. They have sexual tension - that is what can be seen from afar, but it’s easily brushed off by brotherly love. Many people assume they’re cousins anyway. It’s unusual to question if two boys are dating; more uncommon than a teenage boy actually being gay. God, it’s so uncommon that nobody would even expect it. 

And once the bell rings, they’re both quickly retracting their hands and smiling small at one another. Hinata runs up behind them - as if he’s been stuck in silence for the past forty-five minutes. He wraps his arms around Tsukishima’s neck, much to his dismay. Much to Yamaguchi’s amusement. But he’s still quiet. 

“Volleyball?” Hinata asks, knowing the answer. 

Tsukishima removes his arms tentatively, “yes. Go.” 

And when Kageyama walks by their classroom, clearly heading to the locker room, Hinata bolts after him and there’s a shout heart from the corridors. Everyone around them pack up, until the teacher as well as the other students have left the classroom. 

Leaving alone Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. 

There’s laughter, shouting - basic conversation from the hallways, students swarming the area. However, the classroom door is shut, so it’s only muffles. Yamaguchi had every intention to head over towards the locker rooms as everyone else did, but when he noticed Tsukishima was still sat, Yamaguchi followed and sat back down. Both of their belongings were already put away neatly. But no movement occurred. 

It was comfortable silence. Both of them looking around the classroom, sharing occasional and secret glances at the other. Both of their cheeks were red. This sort of occurrence was not unnatural. Sitting in silence, waiting for nothing was a lot of what they tended to do. But for some strange reason, this felt different. Yamaguchi felt like he needed something. And he could tell, from how Tsukishima was anxiously playing with his fingers, that there was something on his mind too. 

Around six minutes passed, before Tsukishima let out a sigh and turned his body to face Yamaguchi. Though, he calculated his movements so he was back to the door. Yamaguchi looked at him, evaluating his face, admiring each and every pretty detail he’s loved and known for so long. 

Something about the way Tsukishima is looking back at him - it reminds Yamaguchi of the feelings he used to get. The nervousness and excitement, when it was just the two of them walking home late at night from school. Met with darkness and the sounds of the wind. Two care-free teenagers. Which they are now, considering they’re only fourteen. But that was when Yamaguchi first realised, first wanted to allow his feelings to be admitted to himself that this was real. He really liked Tsukishima. Beyond their friendship. And it was something he was unknowingly hiding for so long, but that didn’t change how he felt. 

“I never want you to feel like you’re alone,” Tsukishima begins, his words soft and his voice more gentle than usual. It’s always gentle with Yamaguchi, but moreso now. “You will always have me, okay? You will always be my person. My best friend...I just…I hate knowing you have to deal with your parents. You know you mean so much more than how they act, don’t you? You’re amazing. The best person I know.”

Yamaguchi grows more red, and he’s slowly losing feeling in his hands. 

Tsukishima continues, “I couldn’t imagine my life without you. I just…” he stops talking and leans in, pressing a light kiss to the other boy’s cheek. Now this, this was something they’ve never done. Was it a boundary they had? Was it something he shouldn’t have done? 

God, Yamaguchi doesn’t care. He wraps his arms around Tsukishima without thinking and holds him into what has to be the best hug he’s ever felt. His eyes are watery, hearing such delicate words after receiving nothing but slander does that to a person. And hearing it in his mind, repeating what Tsukki said to him only causes Yamaguchi to begin crying. His shoulders shake, and his cheeks burn. 

Tsukishima only holds him tighter, his fingers pulling into his waist. Their legs cutely meshing together. Yamaguchi only cries harder - the warmth, the feeling, knowing there was someone there to hold him for what felt like the first time in however long. His best friend, the love of his life. 

He was swarmed with emotions, but particularly, a strong sense of love. 

Yamaguchi sniffles, “I love you, you know?” 

“I know,” Tsukishima whispers, “I love you too.” 

2. 

There was a shift in Yamaguchi’s life when his dad came back home. Tsukishima could sense it in everything. How he was more sociable than usual, how his face was less pale, and his bones were less visible. Even how his hair was neater - less greasy. He was smiling more. He was stressing out less. 

Their friendship, as a result, grew stronger too. Impossibly so. 

Every night, it seemed, they were out doing something. Whether it was private or open volleyball practice. Grabbing an ice cream, since the weather was getting warmer. Sneaking to the beach when they really should just be at home studying. Or doing exactly that, studying in Yamaguchi’s bedroom - music playing in the background, and giggling and chatting nonstop. 

Whatever it was, Tsukishima couldn’t stop himself from getting his own speck of happiness from it. Each day it felt like it was his mission to put a smile on Yam’s face. To see his smile, the creek of his crooked teeth. Or the sweet dimples so engrained within his cheeks. He’s beautiful, to say the least. Tsukishima’s favourite feature of Yamaguchi is his eyes. How they crinkle and genuinely have a spark in them when he smiles. But it’s a different smile for him. Yamaguchi has…a different smile when he’s with other people. It’s less opening, less personal. 

Perhaps it’s their friendship, and the lack of insecurities when it’s just the two of them. 

Almost once a week, their families mesh together for a dinner night. It’s generally each Wednesday. And it’s at a new restaurant every week - their parents talk about god knows what, both of their moms sip on a lemonade while their dads have a few whiskey’s. Tsukishima noticed Yamaguchi’s mom stopped drinking - he internally thanked her for that, knowing. Well, having a sense that was the beginning of her issues. The alcohol. Each dinner, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima would pick each other something different off the menu. And they always sat close next to each other, holding hands under the table. 

Tsukishima wonders if that began after their encounter in science last year - that was the first time they held hands outside of his bedroom. But now, it’s like they’re always doing it. And it’s weird. Well, it should be weird. But they never actually question it for some bizarre reason. And remembering who initiates it is a blur. Somehow, they end up holding hands and leave it at that. 

However, Tsukishima notices whenever Yamaguchi is in a really good mood, he rubs his thumb comfortingly on Tsukishima’s hand. It’s a simple gesture, likely an unconscious one. But it’s…well, it makes Tsukishima flush. As if he becomes aware of his heart beat, or his blood flow in the moments it occurs. It does things to him, things he’s never felt for anyone else in his life.  

Which is strange. They’re fifteen now - the age of ‘getting a girlfriend’ as they’re told by all of their friends. And truthfully, Tsukishima has been trying. He’s always had girls after him, but he never cared enough to try anything. Not until a couple of months ago, where he actually had a girl approach him, Kiyoko, and ask him on a date. And in his confused and kind of awkward stage, he agreed and gave her his number. They spent that evening sending messages back and forth. 

But truthfully, Tsukishima was unfazed by it all. It was only when he received a notification from Yamaguchi, that he started smiling and sat up. 

So Kiyoko and him went on a few dates - they even kissed a few times. She even ended up coming over midway through the night one time. She came wearing a small dress, one which suited her figured beautifully. She climbed through the window, hair curled, makeup done. While Tsukishima was half asleep, sleeping in only his pyjama pants. Almost immediately, she rushed over and kissed him. It was hard, not in a painful way, but in a needy way. They were making out for at least five minutes, before her hand began creeping down his stomach, to his abdomen until it landed right where his dick was beneath his pants. 

With that, he stopped kissing her, an awkward laugh coming from his mouth. 

“Don’t you want me to try it?” She asked seductively, whispering in his ear. She was leaning over his body, practically sat on his lap. 

Tsukishima pushed her off gently, standing up himself and throwing on the closest shirt he could find. He was red, really embarrassed. Not at all wanting…that. “I’m sorry, I really don’t want that. I don’t think we should started, like, dating. No offence, but that was kind of the worst thing ever.” 

Truthfully, he meant it in the kindest way possible. But his words often come off rude. 

Kiyoko scoffed, pulling her dress down so it was covering more of her skin. She crossed her arms across her body and stood up. “Why don’t you want me? Nobody has ever said no.” 

That thought made him cringe. 

“I’m not interested in sex. That’s all. So you can enjoy whoever hasn’t said no to you, but I certainly am so I’d appreciate it if you could leave.” 

“You’re such a prick!” She hurriedly snuck back out the window. No more words were exchanged between them. And uncaring of what just happened, Tsukishima shut and locked the window after her, closed the blinds and tucked himself back into his bed. 

Awkwardly, he looked down in the darkness, which he could hardly make anything out - except the nonexistent bulge in his pants. It’s not like he’s never thought about sex - he’s a fifteen year old boy, who hasn’t? But that…actually doing it? That was not what he wanted. Though, he’s surprised he wasn’t hard or anything. It probably should’ve been concerning he didn’t get turned on from a very attractive girl coming on to him, but he didn’t linger on the thought too much and fell asleep moments after. 

Waking up that morning was agony. His alarm goes off at 5 each morning. That way, he has enough time to check if he’s received a message from Yamaguchi saying he’ll be leaving at 5:45 that morning. Though, he knows if there’s no message it means he’ll be sleeping in until he has to leave at 7:30. And this morning, the lack of a message kind of made Tsukishima irritated. 

He wanted to get up, he wanted to share their familiar alone time before their friends would surround them at school. He just wanted Yamaguchi - a needing feeling he hasn’t ever had so strongly in the past. That is the question he decides to linger on, the previous events of the night practically forgotten. Though, he does notice that Kiyoko’s name is no longer on his phone. Evidently, she blocked his number. Reasonable. Tsukishima was surprised he wasn’t punched in the face to be fair. But it’s not like he did anything wrong. He wasn’t gonna have sex with her just because she wanted to. Absolutely not. 

And then he realised, after escaping his thoughts of Yamaguchi - he’s hard. 

He groans, setting his alarm to 6:50am and falling back to sleep. 

The day is going slow - slower than usual. For some reason, Tsukishima just cannot focus on his work. Everything the teacher says goes beyond his head. He’s not bothering to write anything down, either. His mind is completely preoccupied, which he can’t understand why. But he doesn’t question it either. 

He’s sat beside Kageyama, his least favourite friend. For some reason, the two of them never really got along as well as they did with others. However, they both had respect for one another. Mostly as a consequence of their volleyball abilities - they were the teams best players, that was known to everyone in their division. But they hardly spoke, not unless someone was there to fill the silence. But for some reason, one that Tsukishima didn’t want the answer to, he felt like he needed to speak. 

“Kageyama,” Tsukishima whispers, nudging the other, “can I ask you something?” 

Kageyama shrugs, “okay.” 

“Have you ever…had sex?” 

“Didn’t realise you were asking a personal question like that.”

“Sorry.” 

“It’s fine,” Kageyama thinks momentarily then shrugs again, “no. I mean, I’ve done other things. Why are you asking me this?” 

“Oh…nothing,” Tsukishima says neutrally, “I had a girl, uh, come to my house last night and try to do it. And I really didn’t want to…like, I felt nothing about it. I was just wondering if you had that experience.”

“Kind of,” Kageyama admits, “I had a girl at my house too, except I wanted to. But then I just didn’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, I was ready for it and all. But I just couldn’t be bothered or something. I think it’s because people make it out to be this massive thing so I just froze up. Also didn’t help that Hinata started calling me nonstop while she was going down on me.” 

“Yeah...never mind.” 

The conversation stops there. Their situations weren’t exactly the same. Kageyama wanted it - physically, at least. But Tsukishima couldn’t even get the damn thing up. Not that he would admit it, but it worried him slightly that his body went against him in a time like that. He should be happy as hell that a girl willingly tried to go down on him, and go beyond that. But he felt nothing. Nothing, except annoyance and frustration. How the hell can he be a teenage boy that doesn’t get hard when a girl goes near…that area? 

It didn’t make sense. And now he couldn’t stop focusing on it. Plus, he also felt a bit uneasy from the way Kiyoko was greasing him off from the opposite side of the classroom. He didn’t do anything wrong, so why did he feel like such an asshole? And why didn’t he feel like doing anything to make up for what he lacked? A make out session, maybe going down on her? He didn’t want any of it. 

The bell rang, and he was quickly collecting his shit and walking to his locker. 

And suddenly, he felt immense relief. That feeling only came when he saw Yamaguchi standing at his own locker, packing away his books and keeping to himself like usual. He had his earphones plugged in, the cord creeping out of his pocket. He had his glasses on — he always looked so sweet, so cute when they were on. But he felt uncomfortable with them. It was a big insecurity of Yamaguchi’s. This only came after his mom smashed his previous pair after telling him he looked stupid with them. Tsukishima often remembers how angry he felt being told about this occurrence. He went straight to the place he received his own glasses, and paid $200 for a new pair for his best friend, not even rethinking the choice. 

Their shared hug after Tsukishima gave them to Yamaguchi was another upside to it. Plus, seeing him wear them wasn’t the worst thing in the world. 

Tsukishima walked up to Yamaguchi, since their lockers were next to each other. 

“How was art?” Tsukishima asked, the other boys’ class schedule imprinted into his brain. “Have you finished your portfolio yet? When’s your presentation?”

Yamaguchi groans, “don’t remind me I have to present something so personal. It’s next Tuesday. I’m kind of debating asking if I can do it privately to the teacher…she offered me that option a few days ago. I don’t see why a presentation is essential for art - I mean, it’s such a personal thing.”

“That’s true. But I wouldn’t mind seeing it.” 

“You’re not even in my class.”

“No…but you could message me when you’re presenting and I’d ask for a bathroom pass and watch from outside the window,” Tsukishima rationalises this internally - anyone would do that for their best friend, right? It’s a normal solution to a problem. “Anyway, got lunch today?” 

Yamaguchi shakes his head, “no, we didn’t have much at home…but I’m not really hungry.” 

“Yes you are.” Tsukishima grabs his bag and begins walking outside, not bothering to check if Yamaguchi was following, because he definitely was. They walk to their spot - close to the oval, and where the best cafe is. several times a week they go there on their lunch break. It’s relatively cheap, good food and lovely owners. Quite frequently, Yamaguchi insists he’s not hungry, but Tsukishima knows better. So they have a routine, where Yamaguchi pretends to not want anything, and Tsukishima pretends to accidentally order too much so they have to share. It’s sweet - it’s so effortlessly them. 

So after he orders, they sit by their usual table. Surprisingly, nobody else from school is here today. Only the two of them, along with the other random strangers in the cafe. They sit on their usual table - next to one another, instead of opposite sides of the table. This is how they prefer it. 

Knees touching, hands grazing together until one of them makes the effort. 

Today, it was Tsukishima’s turn. 

When their hands braced each other again, he grabbed ahold of Yamaguchi’s, intertwining their fingers and placing it in his lap. He rubs it softly, clutching their fingers tightly - as if he’s afraid to let go. And then suddenly, Yamaguchi allows his head to fall on Tsukishima’s shoulder, a yawn escaping his pretty lips. 

Now this, this was a position they’ve never allowed outside their house. Yamaguchi often had his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder - a sign that he was tired, or had a poor sleep. But it never extended to the public. Mainly because it didn’t necessarily look right for two boys to sit this way. 

But nobody even looked.

And that was enough of approval Tsukishima needed to casually use his available hand to push his fingers through Yamaguchi’s soft hair. 

“Didn’t sleep well?” He asks softly. 

Yamaguchi yawns again, “couldn’t fall asleep…I didn’t want to go to school today, but I knew I had to. I can’t wait to be in bed and just sleep. I’ll probably go straight there after school. I’m exhausted. Did you sleep well?” 

The question makes Tsukishima hesitate - should he tell Yamaguchi what happened with Kiyoko? For some weird reason, he feels worry doing that. Or like it would ruin…something. So he doesn’t bother. “I didn’t sleep great either. Why don’t we skip? Let’s just go back to mine. My mom won’t be home til late anyway, dad’s at his brother’s for the week…let’s just go home after we eat and take a huge nap.” 

“I don’t wanna miss any work,” Yamaguchi says, whining slightly. School is important to him - so this response should be expected. But also, he needs sleep. Because when Yamaguchi doesn’t sleep for one night, it turns into a pattern of missed sleep. Tsukishima learn that years ago. 

“School can wait for one day, Yams. You gotta sleep.” 

Only when the food is brought to their table, along with two hot chocolates, does Yamaguchi raises his head and whisper a soft ‘thank you.’ He pretty much begins eating straight away - as if he hadn’t ate anything in days. Which, he probably hasn’t. As unfortunate and unhealthy as it was. Tsukishima hated that fact, which was why he never minded spending some money on food for him. 

Neither of them take long to finish their food and warm beverage. It was a simple toasted sandwich - chicken, avocado. Just the way they both liked it. And their hot chocolates had the same sweetness they loved. The meal and drink complimenting one another perfectly. Yamaguchi left a $10 note on the bench for their waiter when they left, groggily walking back to Tsukishima’s house. 

It wasn’t far - a ten minute walk, if that. And as mentioned, the cars in the driveway were gone, proving nobody was home. Tsukishima held Yamaguchi’s arm, as he unlocked the front door and walked them inside. They removed their shoes, and dropped their bags by the front door. Yamaguchi walked upstairs to the room he was all too familiar with, while Tsukishima locked the door and grabbed two bottles of water for them. When he got to his room, only a few minutes behind the other, he smiled warmly at Yamaguchi already wrapped up in the bed and blankets. Like usual, leaving a spot open for the other. 

Tsukishima climbs in, their bodies close - their uniforms still remaining on their bodies; yet both to careless to remove them anyway. Yamaguchi turns so he’s faced with Tsukishima, their hands, of course, hold one another beneath the bed sheets. Their faces are close, closer than they have been in awhile. It’s making Tsukishima’s stomach warm up. It’s making his palms grow sweaty. 

He feels…well, he feels the exact feeling he knew he should’ve felt with Kiyoko. 

“Go to sleep,” Yamaguchi whispers, “I might accidentally sleep until the morning.” 

Tsukishima ignores this statement, completely invested in the other boy. “I love your freckles.” 

Yamaguchi opens his eyes wide. 

“They’re cute…” Tsukishima can’t stop himself, he leans in and presses two kisses against the other boy - both below his eyes, right where his freckles rest. “I hate how much you don’t like them.” 

They’re now covered by his red cheeks. 

Yamaguchi leans in closer, he rests his forehead right on Tsukishima’s lips, “maybe I’ll start liking them if you keep doing that…” 

Tsukishima smiles internally. For now, he kisses the other’s forehead and shuts his eyes. Allowing himself to fall asleep, butterflies absolutely swarming his belly. 

3.

Sixteen was…well, different than anything. Yamaguchi found himself changing. In a lot of ways. For one, he’s more vocal - he speaks back to disrespect, he asks for what he wants. Most importantly, he says everything to Tsukishima. Well…not everything. Not his feelings, he’s not ready for that yet. Matter of fact, he doesn’t think he will ever be able to say that. It’s too personal. He waits for the feeling to flee, but at his bright age, he can’t see that happening. 

His house is much more tame now. His mom has been sober for over for a year, his dad decided to stop traveling so he can be with his family. They’re slowly shifting to how they were. Through weekly family counselling sessions, but it’s an effort. 

Yamaguchi has his priorities set - his volleyball and his grades. Both, he’s excelling in. 

Everyone around him has said their share of happiness for how he’s doing, complimenting his skill. Expressing admiration. Even his competitors - who have been spending a lot of time with their team recently. It’s likely to do with all the parties happening at the moment. Everyone finding themselves at an age where partying, drinking, smoking - it’s appropriate. Yamaguchi doesn’t part-take in such activities. Well, he attends the parties. But he sticks to a raspberry lemonade instead of an alcoholic drink. 

Like now, he’s sitting on a couch with Akaashi and Kuroo - listening to whatever nonsense they’re going on about. They’re quite lovely people, Yamaguchi felt a sense of comfort with them from the first time they met. It’s usually those three, if not four - including Tsukishima - when they’re at a party. Like Yamaguchi, Akaashi doesn’t drink. Kuroo tends to go crazy, but he’s only loud and talkative. Not mean. Not like his mom. 

Tsukishima hardly drinks either. If anything, it would be one or two standard drinks for one evening. He’s never been drunk, nor tipsy. Just enough to allow himself to open up a bit. And as a consequence of that, he became friendly with Bokuto and Oikawa. The three of them were an odd match - but it was somewhat fitting in a way. Yamaguchi is convinced he only gets along so well with Akaashi was because of one of their first interactions, where Akaashi so openly admitted he was in a relationship with Bokuto. 

That shifted something within himself. It helped him open up. 

And that was the first time he ever told anyone he was gay. 

Clearly, Akaashi sensed this, because they spent the rest of the night sharing support, advice and eventually, ranking the guys they knew. It was fun - it was a relief. Yamaguchi even explained his crush on Tsukishima. Of course, what followed was the whole ‘he totally likes you back’ conversation. That was kind of a standard answer to anyone who admits liking someone else. False hope. But it was all in good intention, Yamaguchi would never be able to believe it. But it was sweet to be told such a thing. 

Yamaguchi has had a few girls hit on him. More in the last month, than in his entire life. Those instances were kind of the last confirmations he needed for himself. Yeah, he was definitely gay. And definitely in love with Tsukishima. He kind of wondered if it would ever change. But it seemed incredibly unlikely. 

“Yams,” Kuroo called out from over the music. 

Yamaguchi looked up, “yeah?”

“I was talking with Kai earlier - do you have a girlfriend? Or any girls you like? i don’t think I’ve even seen you look at a girl, or anyone except blondie. You like him?” 

While Yamaguchi was busy going incredibly red, Akaashi stepped in. 

“Don’t be rude,” he spat out, ”you can’t ask people those things, Kuroo. Just because your head is so far up Kenma’s ass, doesn’t mean if we ask if you like him, hm? Yams has already told us he doesn’t want a relationship at the moment.” 

Kuroo shoots his arms up in defence, his face shaking slightly, “I didn’t mean to be rude.”

Yamaguchi only smiles, “it’s okay. I just don’t want that now.” He stands up, walking towards the kitchen to find himself another drink. Also, to find a way out of that conversation. He didn’t need someone to intervene, he’s grateful Akaashi did, but it just made him feel like he couldn’t speak for himself. He’s searching through the cupboards and fridge, looking for a drink and some snacks, when someone presses their body into him, causing him to drop his cup - he’s practically thanking above that it was plastic and not glass. 

Tsukishima’s face lights up, “Yams!” He pulls the other boy in for a hug, “sorry, I didn’t mean to run into you. I’ll get you another cup.” His words sound…different than usual. And his grip is tighter, yet less controlling. Yamaguchi scans him momentarily, before smirking. 

“Tsukki, are you drunk?” 

The blonde goes pink, “no! Uh, maybe…” 

Yamaguchi giggles, “clearly. How are you getting home afterwards?” 

“You mean, how are we getting home?” Tsukishima drunkenly corrects. 

“Is this your way of asking for a lift?” 

“No, this is my way of asking to sleep with you tonight.” 

There’s silence between them - people near them look at them, questioning what the fuck that meant. Tsukishima is as red as a tomato when he realises what he said, or how it sounded. Yamaguchi was red too, but he was smiling and laughing. Usually, it was the other way around. But it was funny. Plus, Yamaguchi had to laugh it off instead of getting upset over how he kind of wished it was said in a different context. 

Yamaguchi moves closer, teasingly so. He whispers into Tsukki’s ear, “we’re definitely going to sleep together tonight, just you wait.” 

He moves away, more amused by the other’s expression. 

And then, without another word, Yamaguchi walks away. He finds Kuroo and Akaashi in a slapping contest, both playfully smacking each other. oikawa is dancing by himself to the music - shame practically nonexistent to him. It’s admirable, really. And then Yamaguchi catches Bokuto calling out to him, motioning for them to step outside, which they do. They find a spot by the stairs of whoever’s house this is. 

Nobody’s outside, a consequence of the freezing weather. 

“Want some?” Bokuto offers, holding a lighter and a joint. 

Yamaguchi’s eyes open wide, he wants to say no. He really does. But it’s tempting, and what’s stopping him from being a normal teenager? Experimenting, as his dad once said to him. It’s only weed, it’s not like he’ll have heaps and get fucked beyond his mind. Plus, he can always walk back home afterwards with Tsukishima and pickup his car in the morning. Nervously, he nods. 

“What does it feel like?” He questions softly.

Bokuto lights the joint, sucking it between his lips and inhaling the smoke - holding it momentarily before breathing out, he passes it to the other, “it feels like relief. That’s what Akaashi and I say, but it can change for everyone. I won’t let you have heaps - I know you’ve never smoked. But I notice you don’t drink, and this is a way to have more fun without repercussions of alcohol.” 

Yamaguchi nods, he inhales slowly, fighting away a cough then breathes it out. He really wants to cough. Super bad, but he’s heard it hurts. He takes another two drags before passing it back. 

“Hey, uh…” Bokuto begins awkwardly, “I don’t want you to think anything bad of ‘Kashi, but he told me you’re gay. And - cut me off if I make you uncomfortable and I’ll never bring it up again, but I just want you to know that you’ll always have people supporting you. Even if you can’t see it. I mean, when we told people about our relationship…we expected to get kicked from the team. But nobody cares as much as you’d think.” 

Yamaguchi nods along, slowly feeling his head growing lighter. “Thank you. can I…ask you something?” 

“Always!” 

“How did you know that…Akaashi was gay? And that you wanted to…be with him?” 

This question makes Bokuto look like he’s won the lottery. “Have you ever gotten butterflies from anyone?” 

“Yeah…”

“Yeah, well, I had that every time I so much as saw him. Anytime we touched, spoke. Then we started doing little things - playful touching, holding hands, cuddling. We never even questioned it. And then one night when we were going to sleep, I kissed him. And he asked what I wanted, and I said I wanted him. And now he’s my boyfriend. It’s difficult to tell, but also kind of simple? Like, you’d know if someone felt the same way based on how you both act when it’s just the two of you.” 

Naturally, Yamaguchi takes in all of this. Using the words to relate to his own life. Rethinking their interactions, how they always hold hands and cuddle, how they’ve developed into kissing one another’s forehead before going to sleep. Fuck, what the hell were they? 

In that moment, Yamaguchi realised he was really goddamn high. 

He also realised that maybe Akaashi wasn’t just saying it, maybe Tsukishima truely did like him. 

Fuck, this was not what he was expecting. 

Bokuto speaks for awhile more, none of it going into Yamaguchi’s head. He hardly registers when Bokuto ups and leaves to go back inside. Leaving Yamaguchi there, staring ahead at nothing - left to think. Which only means thinking of Tsukishima, and how badly he wants him. 

And as if he knew, Tsukishima is walking outside and sitting next to him. 

Before he’s entirely comfortable and sat, their hands and fingers are intertwined. 

“How you feeling?” Tsukishima asks, the giggly side of him clear as anything. 

Yamaguchi looks at him with heavy eyes, “I may be a bit high right now.” 

“Yams! I never expected such a thing from you. You’re rebellious tonight.” 

“No, I’m just…experimenting.” 

Yamaguchi looks up with that, his eyes meeting Tsukishima’s. 

The cold air can hardly be felt by either of them at this point. 

And it’s late now - almost reaching 1am. But neither of them feel tired. At least, not anymore. 

Tsukishima stands up, pulling Yamaguchi with him. Without speaking, they walk around the front of the house and begin walking back to Tsukishima’s house since his parents weren’t home. Again, it’s a short walk. Everything in their neighbourhood is relatively close. He unlocks the door, entering to darkness and silence. He turns the kitchen light on, and walks them upstairs to his room. Only when they enter the room, do their cold hands separate. 

Yamaguchi pulls his coat off, along with his jeans and shoes. He places them by the bed, messily as a result of how fuzzy his brain was. He doesn’t feel anxious - he feels comfortable, dazed yet happy. He can’t stop smiling. Neither can Tsukishima, who slips out of his own hoodie and jeans. They crawl into the bed, coldly covering themselves with the blanket. 

The door is open, leaving a creek of light so they’re able to see one another. 

“I think I might have the best sleep of my life,” Yamaguchi says quietly, “do you feel sick?” 

Tsukishima shakes his head, “I think the drunk has mostly worn off. we’ll have to smoke together some time. I wanna feel how you feel right now…what’s it like?” 

“I feel really happy…but that’s always how I feel when I’m with you.” 

“I get that too. I’ve never felt as many…emotions as I do when I’m with you. You make me feel so many things, Yams. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with those feelings.” 

Yamaguchi moves his face closer, “I think…I want to kiss you.” 

“Because you’re high?” Tsukishima asks softly. 

“Maybe...but I don’t think so.” 

Yamaguchi closes the distance between them. Sighing of relief once he feels their lips finally touch. Tasting the whiskey on Tsukishima’s lips, but not hating it. He tastes the undertones of the cupcake he had ate previously too. Tasting every inch, feeling his stomach fall to his knees. God, it feels so right. It feels like this exact feeling was something he’s been chasing his entire life. 

Tsukishima moves his hand so it’s gently placed behind Yamaguchi’s head. He pulls them closer, impossibly so. The kiss continues, growing deeper by each minute. That is, until they’re both pulling away to regain their breath. They’re smiling. Cheeks flushed, bodies warm. Erections defined by the blanket. 

But it doesn’t go beyond that. It doesn’t need to. 

Not yet. 

4.

Kissing was one of those things Yamaguchi grew up despising. The concept of genuinely swapping spit with someone made him shiver uncomfortably. But…it took him seventeen years to realise how incredible it was too. Ever since the party last year - Kenma’s in particular, where they shared a sweet kiss. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima have made out almost every day since. 

And no, they weren’t dating. Yamaguchi wondered if he even wanted that. 

It’s not like they’ve had that conversation either. 

Because there was nothing to talk about. It’s just two boys who feel comfortable enough with each other to experiment. To kiss without repercussions, to feel how good it is. and of course, none of their friends knew that got up to such activities in their alone time. Nobody knew. Yamaguchi knew how to hide it, and make it not obvious because they were just kissing. Simple as that. Tsukishima never seemed suspicious either. Because it was just familiar for them now, nothing else. 

And they only allow it at their houses. 

Tsukishima woke up each morning at his usual time. He was doing well in school, better than he previously had been, that is. and their friend group grew. So most nights he had to fall asleep to the annoying sounds of constant messages coming through from their group chat, until one night he gave up and just muted the damn thing. Overall, his mood was improved. He was really happy. 

Life was going well, his family was good, he’s become an academic weapon. He’s captain of their volleyball team. So really, he has no complaints. Plus, his…thing with Yamaguchi wasn’t the worst. They were teenage boys adventuring, using each other to discover what they liked. Finding out techniques they can use, ways to make it more exciting - a competition of who can make the other harder. 

Usually, Tsukishima won that competition. 

And now, they’re studying in Yamaguchi’s room. Downstairs, the television is relatively loud, and the laughter coming from his parents echos against the walls. Tsukishima is reciting his math notes, while Yamaguchi is going through his science notes and using his flashcards. They have music playing in the background, as they usually do. But it’s been three hours, and Tsukishima needs a brain break before his brain becomes completely fried and he has no effort to continue studying.  

He pokes Yamaguchi’s cheek.

Yamaguchi chuckles, pushing his finger away. 

So Tsukishima does it again.

“Did you need something?” Yamaguchi asks, jokingly annoyed.

Tsukishima groans, rolling onto his back. “I need a break! I can’t study any more or I think I will explode. How long can you do this?” 

“Probably hours on end. But we’ll have a break.” 

Yamaguchi shuts his book without much coercion, rolling on his back too, looking at Tsukishima with a grin. 

“Wanna make out?” 

They don’t even need to ask before it’s happening. Tsukishima latches onto Yamaguchi’s lips, cradling his neck and holding onto his waist the way the other boys likes. They’ve gotten really fucking good at this, finding ways to make it steamy - sexual without the sex. Yamaguchi moans into it, wrapped his arm around Tsukishima’s shoulders and managing to shift their bodies closer than what it already is. 

It goes on for nearly twenty minutes, until there’s a knock on the door which cause them to sit up quickly and wipe at their mouths. Tsukishima fixes his messy hair and places his books over his lap, Yamaguchi following the same action. 

Yamaguchi’s mom enters the room, “you guys hungry?” 

“Yeah, I’m starving,” Tsukishima responds for them both. 

His mom goes back downstairs for a few minutes, before returning with a plate of some homemade fries and chicken bites. She places it on the floor, then goes back down and returns with two glasses of lemonade. It’s nice to see her back to how she used to be — kind, helpful, generous. Rather than a miserable woman who relies on alcohol and spreading hate to make herself feel better. 

It’s clear that when she does things like this, it reminds Yamaguchi of how lucky he is. he thanks his mom before waving her away and nibbling on the food they received. The chicken particularly attracting him. 

Tsukishima grabs the remote and searches through whichever available movies there are for them to watch. He find some random romance movie and presses ‘play’ then pauses the music. Yamaguchi doesn’t interject, only finding himself invested almost immediately. 

They finish the plate before the first scene can even play. 

It’s a sweet movie - one which gives the audience butterflies and craves for a relationship like that. Tsukishima feels it heavily, more than he’d care to admit. And when he has Yamaguchi by his side, who’s currently cuddling into him and now wrapped around his body - it makes it more difficult. They’re just friends, right? Close friends who are so in touch with themselves, their own sexuality that this was normal. It’s normal to experiment with your friends and make out most of the day…

It’s normal to count down the minutes until the end of day bell rings at school so Tsukishima can be back in bed, kissing everywhere on Yamaguchi’s sweet face. 

…right? 

Now, neither of them have questioned their dynamic. maybe out of fear, likely out of confusion. It’s one of those things they do without saying - like how they hold hands. An instinctive body movement that they’re simply following their brain’s instructions to do. And that’s fine, thats not weird. Again, they’re simply two teenage boys. Practicing kissing with another teenage boy instead of a girl like they probably should. But it’s okay. It’s their thing. It’s what you do when you have a best friend. 

Tsukishima pulls his arm from beneath Yamaguchi, to wrap it around his waist. His head digs into Yam’s neck crook, and he sighs with content. The movie completely forgotten from his mind. He’s comfortable, so much so that he doesn’t ever want to leave this position. 

Yamaguchi cuddles him tighter, legitimately squeezing Tsukishima’s body. 

“You’re so cozy,” Yamaguchi whispers, his breath is warm on Tsukishima’s cheek, “are you comfortable, Tsukki? Or would you like me to move over?” 

Tsukishima shakes his head, which was difficult considering the position he was in, “definitely not, I feel good. Hey, are you…uh, do you think…” fuck. This was one of the first times he’s stuttered while talking to Yamaguchi, generally, he was perfect with maintaining his composure. But today? He could hardly even get the words out. “Sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying.” 

Yamaguchi suddenly sits up, disrupting their comfort. He looks between Tsukishima’s eyes - trying to read his expression, attempting to read his mind yet finding no luck. So with confidence, Yamaguchi leaned down and pressed a small kiss to the other’s lips. “What were you going to say? You can tell me anything. You can ask me anything, too. You know this.”

“Yeah...uh, what are we doing?” 

“What do you mean?” 

Reasonably, Tsukishima doesn’t feel like he needs to emphasise his question - he points between them weakly, asking without using his words. His eyebrow has perked up, and he’s awaiting whatever response he’s kind of been needing to hear. 

Only, there’s no response. Yamaguchi doesn’t say anything, only shrugs and begins nervously picking at his fingers, ensuring he maintains the least amount of eye contact possible. 

Tsukishima grabs ahold of his hand, discontinuing the nervous tick. 

“We keep kissing,” Tsukishima says quietly, it’s almost a whisper. “Why?” 

Yamaguchi is flushing, he’s still not making eye contact. “I don’t know…it just feels comfortable. Do you want us to…uh, stop?” 

“I mean, no. But, I…is it wrong?” 

“What’s wrong about it?” 

No response follows. Because in their young age - there’s no justification. How is this wrong? Sneaking around, kissing when they know they wouldn’t do it anywhere else? But for some reason, it feels so right for them. Yamaguchi doesn’t bother responding. Instead, he leans back down and gently rests his head on Tsukishima’s fast beating chest. He can practically hear his heartbeat - each throb growing louder, heavier by every second. 

Like usual, it’s comfortable silence between them. The question doesn’t need to be answered. It’s just how they are - just what they are. What they do. It doesn’t make any awkwardness between them. It’s easy. They’re easy. So much so, that Yamaguchi falls asleep in minutes and Tsukishima only snuggles into him and slowly drifts off himself. 

The next morning is filled with…something new. An overstraining sense of tenseness. Tsukishima woke up to some wriggling around, and the echo of the bedroom door shutting. He sat up almost immediately, rushing to his window and watching as Yamaguchi practically ran down the street, out of the house. Leaving Tsukki to stare at his wall, panic warming his stomach. Why was this weird? Why has Yamaguchi ran out of the house, pretty much bolting away without any exchanged words. 

Tsukishima wakes up alone - maybe not physically, but emotionally. 

He dresses himself uneasily, staring at himself in the mirror as he moves his hair to style it his typical way. Except he wants something different, he feels like he needs to do something more. A feeling he’s lacked for his entire life. He never cared for how he looked, hardly putting in any effort. But something felt like it clicked in his brain. 

As if he was scared to be caught or something, Tsukishima tip-toed towards his bathroom, the one connected to his bedroom. He takes the styling gel from beneath his counter, and places some in his palm before sliding it through his hair - the feeling makes him cringe, especially due to hold cold it is. but his hair ends up looking better than it has in awhile. 

Next, he washes his face with the cold water from his tap. It wakes him up more, and he feels a sense of sadness for washing away the night before. Washing away his lips which were stained by his best friend’s kisses. Tsukishima brushes his teeth and applies a small amount of lip balm. 

He leaves his room after this, exiting his house without saying anything to his mom or sister. It’s quite early - around 6:23am, but he begins walking to school regardless. He’s hoping to get in a bit of practice. It’s a Friday morning, one of his favourite mornings - so he was surprised to see the stadium with the door opened, and lights already in. Nervously, he peered in; half expecting to see Yamaguchi, but met with two familiar faces instead. Confused, he walks in and clears his throat. 

Akaashi and Bokuto are sat on the benches, absolutely devouring one another’s mouth. Only when they hear a loud cough, do they quickly - in a panic - full away from one another. Though, their lips turn to large smiles when they recognise who’s suddenly in their presence. 

“Tsukki!” Bokuto screams, racing over to jump on Tsukishima’s shoulders, who wastes no time in shoving the boy away from him.

Tsukishima pats down his uniform, “don’t call me that. Why are you guys here?” 

He walks over to sit beside Akaashi, who passes him a treat wrapper - which he opens, to find a small, bite sized piece of strawberry cake. Despite just brushing his teeth, Tsukishima eats it in an instant. 

Akaashi smiles, “our stadium gets packed around this time of year. You guys aren’t too far, so sometimes we come here. Also...we kind of got a message that Yamaguchi would be here, said he wanted to talk to us about something. Is that why you’re here so early?” 

Shit. Now Tsukishima is invading Yamaguchi’s space, and his plans when he clearly wanted some space. 

He stands up quickly, “nothing. Grabbing some books from my locker - see you guys later.” 

Bokuto’s eyebrows raise, “what? Why don’t you just stay?”

“Oh, uh…I’m busy. Bye.” 

Tsukishima doesn’t linger around, he doesn’t wait to be told to stay - he leaves, slipping out of the stadium and practically running towards the door he knows is always unlocked to his school. He goes inside, not bothering to go to his locker, only heading to the classroom where his first period class is held. He walks in, taking his usual seat. 

He pulls out his math notes, going over his notes and rewriting whatever bullshit he can. 

The words, the algebra - they’re not making sense today. He feels like his mind is racing, and he hates it. Why the fuck did Yamaguchi leave his house in such a rush? Why did he want to talk to Akaashi and Bokuto when he couldn’t even say goodbye to Tsukishima? Why didn’t they exchange their usual morning smooch? 

What the fuck happened?

And then suddenly, the door opened widely. 

Yamaguchi, awkward as ever, walked in and sat by Tsukishima. 

“Hey…” he said softly. His voice low and tense. 

Tsukishima blinked several times, “hi.” 

“Look, I’m sorry I left in a rush…I think last night freaked me out. I don’t know why. I guess I thought it would’ve been better for me to just rush out instead of dealing with it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay…I was freaked out too.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Tsukishima leans in, he kisses Yamaguchi. It’s slow, it lingers and makes his stomach flip. He tastes the toothpaste on his lips, “you mean so much to me. I didn’t want to ruin everything.”

“You’re my best friend. Nothing can ruin that.” 

Fuck. That’s it - that’s what they are. Best friends. 

So why the hell does it feel like so much more? 

5.

This year consisted of…well…a lot. 

Friendship breakups, witnessing actual breakups - lots of crying. Lots of alcohol. And fuck, a whole lot of drugs. 

Yamaguchi kind of found himself to grow invisible. It’s his last year of high school. Which, of course, meant spending every waking moment either studying until he could’ve passed out. Or smoking weed with Kuroo to elevate his own concerns of the future. Those high sessions generally consisted of both of them either crying, or panicking about where their lives were heading. How they could improve, what they could stop doing. And yeah, both of them knew smoking less weed was the best option. But they’re eighteen! Isn’t that the age for experiencing new shit?

As for Tsukishima, Yamaguchi hardly sees him. 

They don’t spend each day together anymore, they don’t have sleepovers. They don’t kiss. They don’t do any of the little things they used to do. The reason behind it? Yamaguchi has no idea. One day, they just grew apart and neither of them made any effort to try to rekindle it. That was another big conversation Yamaguchi and Kuroo tended to have - rather, Kuroo had to sit and listen to Yamaguchi whining about it. Though, he never complained about it either. 

Nishinoya, Kageyama and Tsukishima began hanging out. That was his new group, his new placement. They got along, in some strange way. So Tsukishima began sitting with them in science, and any other class where he used to sit beside Yamaguchi. That was fine. It was fine. 

Yamaguchi never questioned it, he kind of stopped caring enough to. 

Instead, he comfortably sat by himself. It was easier with his studies anyway, no disruptions around him. No conversations stopping him from hearing everything the teacher was saying. And during their study periods, Yamaguchi could just have his headphones in while he sat alone still, testing himself on content revision, rewriting notes which didn’t make sense. Of course, he always chose the same playlist - the one he and Tsukishima made together several years ago. He blamed it on liking the songs. 

Nothing more. 

Volleyball was probably the worst out of everything. 

Practice had changed. Yamaguchi would usually be stuck with Sugawara doing his exercises on the frequent occasions Tsukishima arrived extra early to ask Kageyama to be his partner - Yamaguchi sometimes asked himself whether this was intentional or not. Though, there were still times where they had to paid up. Those moments were fairly quiet. Awkwardly so, neither wanting to spark a conversation, yet there was no bad blood between them. It was just…two people growing out of each other. 

So when Yamaguchi answered his door on a random Thursday night, opening it to see Tsukishima standing there, drenched wet as a result of the rain - it took him by surprise. 

“What are you doing here?” Yamaguchi asked, his words were partially slurred, as a result of the joint he was midway through smoking with Kuroo, who was watching the scene playout from the staircase. They usually always smoked at Yamaguchi’s house - in his bedroom, out his window because it was the easiest, least suspicious place they could go. Even though they could realistically do it anywhere, his parents were never home anymore. It was comfortable that way. 

Every teenage boy enjoys it. 

Privacy, self reflection time. Time to be able to de-stress himself from beneath his trousers. 

Tsukishima takes a harsh gulp, “I wanted to…talk.” 

“About what?”

“Yams…” 

Yamaguchi feels kind of pissed off - he was pretty much thrown to the floor while Tsukishima decided their friendship was done. Why is he supposed to be the bigger person now and pretend it didn’t affect him? Allow the asshole to walk back into his life like nothing had ever happened?

But that’s who he is, so he moves to the side and allows Tsukishima to walk his wet body inside. He removes his coat, hanging it on the coat rack, then removes his shoes and socks. He begins walking upstairs, surprised to see Kuroo sitting there, but patting his shoulder regardless. He doesn’t stop, he continues walking to the bedroom, and eventually the bathroom. 

Kuroo raises an eyebrow towards Yamaguchi, “want me to leave?” 

“No...I don’t know,” Yamaguchi sighs, following Tsukishima into his bedroom. “Stay here?” 

“Sure. I’m just gonna eat all your food and watch television.”

“I don’t expect anything less.” 

Like Tsukishima, Yamaguchi has a bedroom with a bathroom connected to it. So walking into his room, he heads straight to the bathroom - met with the sight of Tsukshima completely undressed, aside from his boxers. He looks incredibly vulnerable, cold. His body has grown a lot more muscular. His biceps are thicker, veins more prominent on his arms. He looked…god, he looks amazing. 

The other boy finds himself uncomfortable. Yamaguchi has a much smaller frame, he’s shorter and a lot skinnier. He’s less athletic, so his body is more bone than muscle. He hated how jealous he felt of Tsukishima, how good he looked - how it was never even an effort for him. 

But what he hated more, was how badly he wanted to give Tsukishima a hug right now. 

“I’m sorry,” Tsukishima whispers. He holds his arms over his body, covering up nothing. 

He looks small. Not really, but he feels small. Even from afar. 

Yamaguchi sighs, “you don’t get to just say that and expect everything to be fine.” 

“I know. I just needed to say it.” 

“Okay...are you, uh, having a shower?” 

Tsukishima shrugs, “would you mind?” 

Yamaguchi shakes his head, “no. You look cold. Don’t take too long, I need one too. Not sure how much hot water we have…do you need me to get you some clothes?”

“Your clothes don’t fit me.” 

“No they don’t…but I still have some of your old clothes which will.”

For some reason, it’s making them both blush, both feel fuzzy. But of course Yamaguchi still has these items belonging to Tsukishima - he wasn’t going to dispose of them. But, he’d never admit out loud that sometimes when he misses him, he wears them to sleep. Yamaguchi searches through his wardrobe, until he finds a sweater and some sweatpants. He doesn’t bother with boxers. Though, he does remember some socks for Tsukishima - he can’t feel warm without them. That’s a cute quirk of him. 

The clothes are neatly placed on the sink, along with a towel. Tsukishima’s towel. 

It has his name written on the tag, something they did years ago. 

Additionally, it has a ’T’ imprinted on the cloth. Yamaguchi has one too. 

Yamaguchi turns the heater on in the bathroom, he goes to shut the door behind himself, providing the other boy with privacy until his hand is grabbed. 

Tsukishima practically groans, “stay with me?” 

“What-“ Yamaguchi begins,

“-I want you to be here with me. I miss you. God, I miss you so much, okay? Can you please just…sit in here? Or shower with me? I don’t care. I don’t want to let you go.”

Now, Tsukishima is a bold guy - he doesn’t fear away from his words, he never has. But how he’s speaking, how whiny and demanding he sounds, it’s the most Yamaguchi has ever gotten from him. It also might be the hardest Yamaguchi has ever gotten from his pants, which he lazily tries to hide with his pants. 

He doesn’t answer, but he does slowly remove his shirt, followed by his trousers and socks. He ensures to close the door - locking it. Knowing Kuroo was downstairs, probably wondering what the fuck was going on. And Yamaguchi wasn’t sure if his high made him overly confident or he just felt safe, but he stripped until he was completely naked and stepped closer to the other boy. 

Tsukishima followed suit, dropping his boxers and throwing them to the side. He removes his glasses, folding them and carefully placing them on the counter. He looks Yamaguchi up and down, eyes unwilling to look away from his lower region. He’s taking in every inch of that boy. 

Yamaguchi slides the shower curtain across, and turns the knob so the water pours out. He waits for it to warm up, taking several moments, then slipping in and giving Tsukishima room. Who climbs in after, shutting the curtain behind them - covering them. He puts his head under the water, drowning out his already wet and cold hair. Using his spare hand, he takes ahold of Yamaguchi’s waist to stop himself from slipping over. 

While Tsukki is beneath the water, Yamaguchi takes the opportunity to look down - check what was poking his thigh. And god, he didn’t even realise a moan had slipped through his mouth. Of course he knew Tsukishima wasn’t exactly small. Hell, he’s felt the hardness on his leg countless times. But seeing it naked, raw, it made Yamaguchi tempted to do anything - everything for him. If he wasn’t so confused on what the actual fuck they were doing right now, he probably would’ve slipped down and wrapped his mouth around it. 

“Stop looking,” Tsukishima whispers, wiping away the water from his face, “don’t look unless you want to touch.” 

Yamaguchi’s mouth falls open, “you…want me to?” 

“Course I do.” 

Fear, anxiety, excitement takes ahold of Yamaguchi. He lowers his hand, hesitating momentarily before wrapping his hand around Tsukishima’s cock - it’s even bigger in his small hand, he’s almost needing to use to hands to manage it. Tsukishima breaths out heavily, a pant of relief. He looks directly into the other boy’s eye. 

They don’t speak, but the contact is enough. 

Slowly and unsurely, Yamaguchi begins stroking - moving his hand, he maintains a steady pace. One which is teasing enough to make Tsukishima let out little grunts, but pleasurable enough for him to want more. Screw that, he’s whining for more. 

It’s at that moment, when Yamaguchi completely forgets Kuroo is in his living room, definitely able to listen to the entire encounter. 

While Yamaguchi continues stroking, his pace fastening, Tsukishima uses a hand to pull their heads close. Their foreheads rest together - both letting out little noises. And then suddenly, Tsukishima is moving his own hand and wrapping it around Yamaguchi; who almost jumps in surprise. 

Shit, they’re really doing this. 

This is far beyond any point they’ve crossed so far. 

So what is there to lose now?

Yamaguchi is eagerly kissing Tsukishima, moaning into their mouth so loudly it’s echoing against the bathroom walls. Tsukishima makes low noises too, but they’re easier to be concealed. When their lips seperate, Tsukki is letting out a small smirk, before bending his knees and going down, ensuring his eyes remain connected to Yamaguchi’s. He licks his lip, before taking the tip into his mouth - licking it, sucking on the top. Watching as the other boy falls weak at his touch. 

Yamaguchi’s hand falls through Tsukishima’s hand. 

He’s already close, just knowing the boy was down there. 

And then it’s being all taken in at once, Tsukishima hardly struggles to deep throat the boy’s cock, beginning a safe rhythm of sucking, licking and swallowing. Enough for Yamaguchi’s knees to wobble shakily. He can hardly stand up - his head feels dazed as anything, he stomach is knotted as he awaits his own climax, which is likely to happen at any moment. 

Tsukishima looks up at Yamaguchi as he takes his cock into his mouth, humming around it. He looks so beautiful, so slutty. 

And then, fuck

Yamaguchi can’t even warn Tsukki before he’s cumming directly down his throat. He moans loudly, somewhat squeaky as it all comes out in a hurry. His heart is pounding, and his eyes feel heavy. He lowers his body to Tsukishima’s level, smiling at him as if he was loopy. 

Tsukishima swallows it all, grinning before taking some of the water into his mouth and swallowing it too. 

“That was…” Yamaguchi says through pants, “really good. Fuck, where’d you learn that?”

Tsukishima giggles, “by having long conversations with Akaashi about how to properly suck a dick. Cleary, he’s quite a good teacher. Did that feel good baby?”

Baby. Fuck, the word is driving Yamaguchi insane. 

“So good,” he admits sheepishly, “do you want me to, uh…do it for you?”

“No. I already came. Couldn’t help myself when you had your hand on me.” 

Jesus, Yamaguchi hadn’t even realised he already came. He giggles, moving in for another long, more deeper and more intimate kiss with Tsukishima, one which lasts several minutes until they realise they should probably stand up and wash their bodies rather than wasting water. 

So they continue having a normal shower, using soap to scrub one another - washing each other’s hair. A dream being lived out, one Yamaguchi used to have almost every night. And he has to admit, the real life version was better than any fantasy he’d previously thought of. 

They don’t take too much longer. Tsukishima leaves the shower first, wrapping his lower body with a towel then passing Yam’s towel to him when he hears the water stop. Yamaguchi slips out, cold air hitting his body, but internally, he’s so warm he can hardly react to the breeze. He’s barely out of the shower when he has Tsukishima wrapped around him - a warm cuddle. One they’ve both missed so deeply. One they’ve both been to proud to admit they’ve needed.  

Once their bodies are relatively dry, they go back into the bedroom and sit close together on the edge of the bed end, fingers intertwined and shoulders pressed together. 

Yamaguchi is staring at their connected hands, while Tsukishima is staring at Yamaguchi’s freckles. 

He’s tempted to poke them, but he doesn’t quite do so. 

Not yet. 

“I really missed you,” Tsukishima admits, “to be honest…I don’t really know why I stopped talking to you. I think everything got…so much. Like, we were in this place and then you kind of shut me down. Which isn’t your fault - I don’t mean that! I, uh…fuck, I don’t know.”

Yamaguchi’s eyebrows are so raised they’re almost meeting his hairline. “What do you mean I shut you down? Tsukki, you stopped talking to me…how was I the one to shut you down?”

“Last year. When we kissed that morning after you left my house. You said we’re…best friends.”

“Aren’t we?” 

“Yes, but I thought…” 

And oh. Oh shit. Yamaguchi feels like his heart is seconds away from imploding. He spent however many years wishing they could become more - and Tsukishima is basically saying right now that he felt that same way? It’s like a wake up call. Hell, it’s like receiving the words you’ve spent your entire life trying to chase. And now he’s heard it, he’s not sure how to even react. What is he supposed to say now? Is he meant to kiss Tsukishima? Tell him he wants to be more than friends? 

Tsukishima chuckles quietly - it’s not a real laugh, “still alive?” 

“Still alive,” Yamaguchi confirms. “Just thinking.”

“Okay.” 

Thinking doesn’t turn to much more. They both fall backwards until they’re comfortably laid on the bed, the blanket not protecting them - only their towels cover them. But they end up falling asleep. It’s their default. 

The conversation doesn’t necessarily need a finish - they’ve already said, without exactly saying, what they want after all. Eyes speak a whole lot more than words. 

+1 (they’re nineteen) ______________________

Nineteen was filled with a lot of romance. 

Not exactly romance - but sexual encounters, kisses, subtle cutesy moments. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are back to how they used to be be; sleepovers, spending all their time together. When high school finished a year ago, they both got accepted into their dream universities. Tsukishima, going to some sport school through a volleyball scholarship. And Yamaguchi, accepted into a psychological science school, as he’s always dreamed. They ended up moving out straight after high school - renting a shared apartment in their city. Close enough to where they both need to be for their campus, and close to their friends. 

Far from their families - who never really did much for them anyway. 

Their apartment had two bedrooms, and two bathrooms. It was relatively cheap, easy to afford with both of them working full time jobs as well as studying. Their lives felt perfect. Domestic. 

And filled with fun. 

For example, they have a competition each morning - whoever wakes up first, has to wake the other with a blowjob. Now, you’d think it would get boring. But in fact, it made each day better. More often than not, Yamaguchi would pretend to be asleep when Tsukishima woke up after him. They both knew this, but acted like it was a coincidence he always happened to wake up later. Mostly because Tsukishima had an insane talent with his mouth that Yamaguchi craved to feel each day. 

They’d spend two hours of the morning together, then go to work or class, usually both and arrive home around five or six at night. Yamaguchi enjoyed making them dinner each night. Tsukishima enjoyed cleaning the dishes afterwards, so it was easy to shift around their new lifestyle. 

Except…there were still some things missing. 

And on this particular morning, Yamaguchi was feeling strongly about it. 

He tapped on Tsukishima’s head beneath the blanket, wordlessly encouraging him to come up, which he did with a dazed smile. They share a quick kiss. 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi begins, fiddling with his fingers and looking at the blanket, “can I ask you something?” 

Tsukishima nods, playing with strands of Yamaguchi’s hair, “course you can.”

“Okay...well…what, uh, are we?” 

“Yams, don’t you remember the first time we tried having this conversation?” 

Yamaguchi shakes his head, “no?”

Tsukishima grins, taking ahold of Yamaguchi’s hands in his own, looking into his eyes and smiling so sweetly the moment feels like the world is spinning around them. 

Yamaguchi smiles in return, without even trying his lips curl up.

“Yams, would you please be my boyfriend?” Tsukishima asks - finally asking the question they’ve been trying to ask for six years. He’s almost crying, pressure building within himself. Using all his courage to ask the very question he knows the answer to. 

And Yamaguchi - unable to control himself, allows himself to cry. “Yes, yes! Finally!” 

They hug. Tight. 

And now finally, they’re boyfriends.