Chapter Text
Changmin was always a bit different from the other swimmers at the athlete's village.
The other athletes had their medals and the Korean flag hung up next to their beds and pictures of their families and their favourite swimmers on their cubbies. They often sat on their beds after training with their eyes closed, going over their swim in their heads. Some of them had strange rituals, for instance, hanging their goggles on the right side of their bed as they slept, or putting on their swimsuit inside out first before taking it off and putting it on the right way around. Even Yunho had a lucky gesture before he began every practice or before a meet, tapping his forehead and both of his shoulders in turn with his right hand.
Changmin was different though. His bed and his cubby were always completely bare, and even though Yunho was his roommate, he had never seen Changmin spend any time at all visualizing. He was always on his phone, playing games with his earphones in, or chatting and laughing with his teammates, or doing homework at his desk. And he certainly didn't bother with superstitions.
But, almost definitely, that made Changmin the most normal of all of them.
Changmin didn't talk much about his background, preferring to gossip about the newest computer game or that new girl group with that super cute member, but Yunho remembered how much of a stir he caused when he first made the National Team.
The first time Yunho saw Changmin in any memorable circumstance was soon after the new National Team was chosen for the year. Yunho knew that Changmin was one of the new members, but barely remembered seeing him at all. This Shim Changmin had come onto the scene unexpectedly, and placed within the top five in all six events he entered, even winning a silver medal in the 200-metre freestyle at Nationals.
It had been a shock to say the least.
The swimming community was quite small. Since they were children, all of the athletes grew up competing against the same athletes. Since they were juniors, they were all vying for those National Team spots, going to swim training camp every year, training day and night, barely ever getting out of the pool, and if they did, only to do dry land training.
Yunho would have thought it would have been downright impossible for someone to come into the sport so late.
But this Shim Changmin – before this season, he had never been seen before in competitive swimming. He had apparently passed the elite qualifiers with flying colours that year, won four medals at Classics, and was invited to Nationals for the first time. And somehow, miraculously, at his first Nationals, managed to nab a spot on the National Team.
Everyone, everyone who knew anything about the sport, was shocked.
It had instantly become a story that was plastered all over the papers and the Internet, a Cinderella story of a seventeen-year-old orphan boy who made it all the way to the National Team that the whole country had been waiting for. Of course, it helped that Changmin was impossibly good-looking, face so handsome that it was a wonder that he wasn't recruited by some entertainment company who wanted to make him an actor or an idol.
Even Yunho, who won the most golds at National this year, didn't get half the publicity that Changmin did. In fact, a reporter had come up to Yunho for an interview just after the meet, and when Yunho was standing in front of the camera, asked, "What do you think about Shim Changmin? Is he a threat to you?"
It was clear that Changmin had given up his amateur status as soon as he could, because he accepted sponsorships and ads, filming commercials for energy drinks and cereal even before he moved into the athlete's village with the rest of the National Team.
In fact, the whole team was eating from a cereal box with Changmin's face on it for breakfast.
"I wonder if he has any idea what he's doing with that," muttered Soonil, one of Yunho's closest teammates had said. "He can't get scouted by colleges because he started accepting sponsorship, plus, his popularity isn't going to stay if he doesn't perform as well as everyone wants him to. Apparently, he's given up his amateur status already and he doesn't even have an agent."
Yunho raised his eyebrows. Even Yunho hadn't yet given up his amateur status, even though he was the National Champion for the two years in the running. He had committed to swimming for Seoul National University, but he had deferred his acceptance until after the Olympics. Maybe Changmin had other goals though, what would Yunho know?
"He was picked up by a community instructor at his local pool. I read in the papers that he still lives in a group home," Soonil said to Yunho on their way to the locker room from the pool. "He's never gotten real training before. I wonder if he'll be able to keep up here."
"The only thing is, Soonil," said Yunho, pained, "records don't lie. And the fact is that he's been swimming really, really well this entire season, in a lot of events. Better than at least half the National Team. He's not a fluke."
Soonil pouted. "If he makes the World Team this year and I don't, I'll probably throw something." Yunho had to give him a pat on the head to soften him up before the afternoon swim.
Needless to say, Yunho was kind of ready to hate this kid – except, Changmin was likable.
Really, really likable.
Yunho met Changmin for the first time after he was finished with his workouts for the day a couple of weeks after Nationals. He had just stepped out of the shower and that was when he saw his new roommate unpacking his things from the duffel bag he'd brought.
Yunho continued to towel himself dry and approached the new athlete. "Hey."
The bright smile, with the bright eyes folding into half-moons, right eye becoming smaller than the left, he got in return was a bit unnerving. "Hey! I saw you at Nationals. Or, more like, I watched you at Nationals. You're really good. I'm Shim Changmin, nice to meet you."
In Yunho's defense, it wasn't that Yunho didn't like the kid; it was that Changmin's attitude was not conducive to survival here.
Training at the athlete's village was tough if put lightly, and downright Hell in reality. Training was waking up at 4:30 AM every morning, going for 15-kilometre runs every morning with weights around their ankles, swimming until there was not a single breath left in your lungs only to go to dry land training until there was not a single muscle in your body that wasn't on fire, all under a tough coach who didn't hesitate to force them through impossible exercises or raise his hand to the athletes if ever they didn't perform up to his exorbitantly high standards.
"You should just quit now if you're just here to check this place out."
The younger's smile faltered a bit. "What?"
"I'm just warning you. This isn't a playground," said Yunho seriously. "If you don't show that you want it, life's going to get really hard. So quitting now may be the best option for you."
At the words, Changmin's body language completely changed. He drew himself up to his full height, looked right into Yunho's eyes and spoke.
"I appreciate the warning," said Changmin clearly. "But I know how to take care of myself, thanks."
Yunho turned his back on his new roommate and got dressed. When he finished and turned back, he saw Changmin sitting on the edge of his bed with his legs swinging back and forth, looking at Yunho.
"What?" asked Yunho.
Changmin smiled again. "Nothing. Just wondered if you wanna share a chocolate bar," he said, holding one up.
After a hard day of practice, Yunho couldn't resist.
Changmin started off on the wrong foot with the coach, who had made it clear that he wasn't happy with Changmin having taken a spot on the Team to begin with.
Changmin had joined them and the assistant coach for the morning run, but to someone who wasn't used to running the 15 kilometres, with weights around their ankles at that, it would have been miraculous if they could keep up.
Yunho ran ahead of Changmin at his usual pace, because Yunho was never, ever willing to sacrifice his own training for anything or anyone else, but when he had made the course with the rest of the team an hour and a bit later and realized that Changmin had fallen behind, he felt a pang of guilt that he hadn't taken care of his roommate.
Changmin arrived after the rest of the team was getting ready for the morning swim. Yunho's guilt and worry for Changmin grew when Changmin still hadn't shown up by the time they had all lined up shoulder-to-shoulder by the side of the pool in front of the coach after stretching.
"Where the hell in Shim Changmin?" he asked.
No one was brave enough to speak except the assistant coach, who explained, "He's just getting back from the morning run."
As if on cue, Changmin pushed the doors into the pool, finally having changed into his swimsuit but still breathing heavily. Changmin took a glance at the line and figuring it out, joined the team at the end of the line.
"Look who's shown up."
The coach stepped slowly towards the new member, whose gaze was fixed down at the level of the coach's shoulders. The coach reached up and grabbed a fistful of Changmin's hair, making him wince.
"The media calls you a star, so you really think you're one, don't you?"
"No, sir."
The bright smiles that Changmin had on last night was gone now, to be replaced with a look of – Yunho realized as a chill ran down his spine – of pure loathing.
"You think the National Team is a joke? You thought you could just walk in here and continue your pretense as an athlete?"
The coach let go of Changmin's hair with a push, making Changmin stumble back.
"Useless piece of shit."
The coach raised his hand and pulled it back, and Yunho closed his eyes before the hand connect to the side of Changmin's head.
Although Changmin may not have been used to the running or the weight training, there was no doubt that he was a gifted swimmer.
Changmin's body was probably created by God Himself for swimming. One stroke of his long, strong arms propelled him feet further than his competition, and his lean, perfectly streamlined body glided through the water with such effortless ease.
Over the next few months, Changmin polished up his technique and got stronger through the weight training and improved his breathing with the running. And once he did that, there was little doubt in Yunho's mind that Changmin would become the next big thing in the swimming world.
The fact that Changmin had so much to catch up on, though, meant that bruises almost never left Changmin's body, new ones appearing even before old ones began to fade.
He was beaten mercilessly for small errors, and Yunho rarely heard the coach call Changmin anything other than 'useless piece of shit'.
"I wonder what he wants from me when he calls me a useless piece of shit," mused Changmin one day when Yunho and Changmin were alone in the room together. "Am I supposed to work harder to try to prove that I'm not a useless piece of shit? Or am I supposed to just confirm my suspicions that the coach is an abusive dickhead?"
Yunho had chuckled, because he really didn't know how to answer that question.
Even with everything that he was going through though, in the permanently high-strung, tense environment, Changmin was a breath of fresh air.
After the first day of training, which had been rough, Yunho was careful when he entered their room, but he needn't have worried; Changmin was sitting on his bed with his legs swinging back and forth, again, eating his damn chocolate bar.
He cheerfully offered Yunho a piece again, but Yunho refused, thinking that Changmin deserved to eat the whole thing today. He asked Yunho a bunch of questions about how he did his schoolwork and how Changmin was supposed to get in touch with his tutor, but then he reverted back to listening to his music and playing games on his phone until he fell asleep.
Given what the media put on Changmin's shoulders, he was much more down to earth that Yunho expected him to be. In fact, on the second day at breakfast, Soonil had taken it upon himself to ask Changmin about all of it.
"So?" said Soonil, pointing at the cereal box with his chin.
"What?" asked Changmin, glancing at the box.
"Why did you do it?" asked Soonil.
"Why would you not?" asked Changmin, sounding genuinely curious.
"There's a reason why everyone else turns down sponsorships."
At that, Changmin laughed. "Look, I'm really happy for you if you have the luxury of turning down a fifty thousand-dollar commercial deal," said Changmin. "But I'm just not there. I had to take it."
Soonil didn't have a response to that.
The other athletes didn't talk about anything except swimming. When Worlds approached and the selection committee began to sit in on their practices, just being next to any of the other swimmers was suffocating for Yunho; he could feel their stress without even having to talk to them.
On the other hand, Changmin never seemed stressed. He was serious when he was training, to be sure, but he wasn't desperate.
Yunho used to think that desperation was something that was absolutely necessary to be a successful swimmer, but seeing Changmin, he wasn't so sure.
The fact that Changmin wasn't desperate meant that nerves never got to him. He was always a consistent swimmer – a consistently excellent swimmer. Changmin never had amazingly fantastic days in training, but that also meant that he never had bad days. It also meant that Changmin was always well-rested, because the prospects of not making the World Team didn't keep him up at night.
Once the World Team selection time period came around, many swimmers began to show their inconsistency and their nerves, and even Yunho wasn't immune, even though he knew that he basically had a guaranteed spot on the team. He'd walked away from a swim with several bruises across the back of his thighs, and that night, Changmin helped put medicine over the bruises.
"It's kind of interesting to me that you tolerate this," mused Changmin, fingers gliding over the bruises.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean this abuse."
Yunho turned his head to stare at Changmin. "What?"
Changmin rolled his eyes. "I mean you're national athletes. People watch you. People listen to you. And yet you choose to tolerate this abuse." Changmin hummed. "It's interesting. Maybe I overreacted after all, at the group home. I wasn't anything, and I couldn't stand it. I did everything I could to leave. And so I ended up here, which… I don't know. Maybe wasn't the best replacement anyway. You can sit up now, I'm all done."
Yunho was taken aback, because while beating was part of his training once he became serious in competitive swimming, he had never in his head classified it as 'abuse' so much as coaches pushing athletes to be better.
This practice of coaches beating athletes to shave off extra milliseconds was never talked about. Everyone just accepted it. They had accepted it as children, and they accepted it now.
Yunho distinctly remembered never telling his parents that his coaches beat him because he was embarrassed to tell his parents that he had been so bad at practice that day that he had to be beaten. Even now, he felt the same as he was talking to Changmin. He would have preferred not talking about it at all.
Yunho sat up before speaking to his roommate.
"First off, you're a national athlete too. Be proud of it," chastised Yunho. "And secondly, our experiences with all this are different. Athletes have historically tolerated this."
"Have you ever thought about not tolerating it?"
Yunho thought for a second. Well… what could he really do? Call the police? The media?
It was the first time Yunho had ever thought seriously about the issue, and now that Changmin brought it up, he wondered why he didn't think about it sooner.
"No, I haven't," said Yunho slowly once his thoughts were organized. "I would never do anything about it because if I did, we're going to miss tons of practice because of investigations. I can feel it even when I miss one or two days of practice. If I decide to make a big deal out of this, we're all going to be missing weeks of training. None of us deserve that."
"It's strange, right?" said Changmin with a chuckle. "I used to think tolerating abuse was a thing of people of lower class, like me. But here you all are, from really nice backgrounds and really nice families and tons of fans and a whole country who looks at you like you're their hero, and you still. You still have to go through it all. It's fucked up."
Yunho was deep in thought when Changmin threw something into his lap from his bed. Yunho looked up at Changmin in surprise.
Changmin was smiling. "Anyway. Wanna share that chocolate bar?"