Chapter Text
Copia squeezed through the narrow space between door and the frame, under the heavy chain that kept it locked. Well, not for the Ministry’s youth, using the little gap there to sneak out to the building’s rooftop, balancing carefully on the old tiles on their way to the edge of one of many gables on the east side, where there was a bit of a flat surface, enough to sit comfortably in a small group. It was Copia’s first time, though, going there, led by Terzo, who promised to show him the secret hiding spot when Copia would be old enough to go there, which meant his sixteen birthday apparently.
Copia was mostly excited to spend some time with Terzo alone, to become privy to a secret which wasn’t such a secret at all, adults were using the same spot when they were their age and now they were mostly complaining about the cigarette ends falling from the roof. It still felt like a big thing for Copia, to be taken there, even if he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal at all, trying to be nonchalant about this whole evening as the excitement buzzed in him.
“Watch your steps,” Terzo told him, coming right after him. In one hand he held a bottle of wine, not the usual stuff stolen from the kitchen but something he had bought earlier to drink specially with Copia. ‘Only the best for my baby brother’ he said to him, ruffling his hair, which made Copia so fucking happy, the warmth feeling spreading through his bones, sneaking on his cheeks as a stupid blush he tried to hide by shaking his head, like he was about to shake Terzo’s hand off. True be told, it was the farthest thing from what Copia actually wanted from Terzo.
He was weird with Terzo lately, he knew it. He was getting too old to cling to him like he used to, getting hugs and kisses, playing little piggies and being tickled until he cried from laughter. And he didn’t want that, not anymore. At the same time he was dying inside for any form of physical contact from his brother, but every time he received any it felt like they were stepping back into their childish ways and Copia wanted Terzo to treat him like a peer, not like a kid under his care. The more Terzo tried to hug him, the more moody and grumpy Copia became and then he hated himself for it, for missing the chance to be close to Terzo at all.
So he was hoping that getting here, drinking wine with him on the rooftop, acting like someone Terzo’s age would help him pass that awkward stage, he just needed to not fuck it up. Yet, he rolled his eyes at his brother’s warning, even if the high terrified him immensely. He hoped Terzo couldn’t see how careful his steps were until he reached a flat patch between two towers and sat down with relief, back pressed into the cold stone flanking the space. There were candles, half-melted, wax glued to the surface under them.
Terzo sat next to him, waving his hand around.
“So, what do you think?” He asked.
It was amazing, it truly was, the air was still crisp but not cold, and it was fucking dark, only the windows under them illuminate the darkness of the night and stars above them shone with so much clarity it made his head spin, looking at them, the clear path of Milky Way, like they were hung there specially for them, to make this night even more special, and the air smelled like fresh grass and pines.
“It’s okay,” Copia said, shrugging, not wanting to come out as overeager or something equally embarrassing. He thought it was beautiful, magical, and even romantic but he would rather eat his own shoe than say it out loud.
Terzo chuckled, opening the wine with his pocket knife.
“I really like it here,” he said. “It’s quiet. With so many people in the Ministry it’s hard to find a place away from others, when you can just be alone with your own thoughts, even in the fucking chapel there is always someone, usually trying to be sneaky for a quick fuck.”
Copia giggled even though it wasn’t his experience at all. It was easy for him to be alone, lonely even, to disappear from everybody’s eyes and find some quiet nook to read. But people gravitated towards Terzo his whole life, Copia himself was no better, wanting to get his attention constantly, even when they were children. Copia was most often an afterthought. Terzo was the center of attention anywhere he went.
“If you would rather be alone…” Copia said, hoping the disappointment wasn’t noticeable in his voice.
“Don’t be silly, Copia,” Terzo patted his arm. “I didn’t mean you. You never bother me, you know that.”
Copia in fact didn’t know that and was so fucking grateful for the darkness around them, hiding another traitorous blush.
“Ta-dam!” Terzo opened the bottle. “Salute!” He said, taking a big gulp before he handed the wine to Copia. He started to light the candles, knots wet from rain, crackling before catching the fire.
Copia looked at the bottle neck, the edge of it shining in the light now, wet from wine and Terzo’s saliva. He swallowed hard, thinking about it, his face still hot as he fixated on the thought of tasting Terzo like this.
He took a sip, one, two, to not look like a wimp in front of his brother. The wine was much more sour than he was used to, red and rich, he supposed that was the correct term. For him it was sour. But it was alcohol, something that would explain why he was blushing, so he drank.
“Easy there, soldier,” Terzo laughed, taking the bottle from him. “Leave something for me.”
“Sorry.” Copia rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand, watching Terzo drinking it too, his mouth around the neck of the bottle, tip of his tongue licking it absentmindedly when he finished, one, short lick, just gathering the droplets of wine, but if Copia really tried he could imagine that Terzo was chasing the taste of him as well. Something to think of when he would be later alone in his room, hand on the cock, aching for his brother all over.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself a bit before he would pop unwanted boner which wasn’t difficult in front of Terzo. There already was burning in his belly, the warmth of wine spreading through him, and now tight knot started to tie himself in his abdomen, just from being so close to Terzo, smelling his scent, the mix of chapel incenses, his cologne and musk, because Terzo, only a few years older than him, was smelling like a man and Copia wanted to taste it, to lick the scent right from his neck.
“You have been awfully quiet recently,” Terzo said after the silence stretched between them. “Everything is alright with you?”
Yeah, try to convey a conversation when everything in you scream ‘just fuck me’, Copia thought, dropping his gaze, fixating it at the candle flames, at anything but Terzo.
“Yeah, sure,” he said, biting his tongue. He shrugged. “Sorry. I don’t have much to say, I guess.”
“And that’s so unlike you,” Terzo said. “You used to yap to me about everything…”
Copia shrugged again, not trusting any words that could come out of him. Terzo looked like he wanted to say something for a minute, but finally just shook his head slightly. Perfect, now Terzo thought he was a moody teenager with an attitude problem.
“And you?” Copia tried, hating how his voice cracked at every second word. “Anything interesting going on in your life?”
“Same old, same old,” Terzo said quietly. “I’m starting a seminary course in the fall. I hope you will help me choose the subject for my thesis.”
Was it his way to call Copia a nerd? Fuck, he hated it, the double guessing everything Terzo said, looking for hidden clues about what his brother really thought of him, if he was making fun of him like everybody else did. They didn’t used to be like that, things were easy between them. And then Copia fucked it over by developing crush on his brother. How original of him, by the way, falling for the most desirable person in the Ministry. Satan, he really hated himself these days.
“Do you have something in mind?” He asked, drinking more wine. He could at least be helpful, it would keep him close to Terzo for a few more years, long enough to grow up so Terzo would notice him too, think about him as something other than his awkward little brother.
“The Cardinal Sin of Lust,” Terzo said, looking at him and Copia wished suddenly the ground would swallow him up.
“I don’t know much about that,” he tried to laugh it out.
“Yeah, I hope so, otherwise I would have to have a serious talk with your guardians.” Terzo hooked their elbows together, playfully nudged his ribs.
“Fuck off,” Copa laughed more. “And I don’t think you need my expertise on that topic anyway, you are getting plenty of experience.” He sounded bitter, almost angry. He didn’t care.
“Rumors, fratello, don’t believe in them.”
It wasn’t rumors when he saw Terzo kissing some girl back in the Ministry’s garden or getting a head from one of the students from seminary in the greenhouse this winter. He doubted Terzo had seen him, Copia froze in place on both occasions, unable to avert his gaze, to force himself into leaving, Terzo’s quiet moans filling his ears, engraved in his memory. So yeah, he had no doubt that Terzo could have spending this evening very happy between someone’s spread legs but he choose instead to be with Copia, to celebrate his birthday and that made him unbelievably happy but also so fucking frustrated at the same time because he would do it, right now, here, he would let Terzo do anything to him. If he only wanted to.
If only.
But the thing was Terzo was a handsome young man on a clear path to papacy and Copia was a scrawny teenager with too long limbs, cracking voice and awkward disposition who tripped over his own feet any time he didn’t dance. He was just a bastard son no one bothered to claim and he had nothing to offer Terzo on his own. The fact Terzo even stuck with him for so long was an infernal miracle.
His mood soured, as he drank wine, Terzo’s plan was a clear reminder that he was moving on with his life while Copia was still in high school and there was more and more distance between them. Terzo was looking at him for a moment.
“I have something for you,” he said eventually. “A gift.”
“You already gave me my birthday gift,” Copia frowned. It was the first thing in the morning, Terzo knocking at his door with a small package containing a leatherbound journal with his initials on it and an expensive writing pen. It was indulging and beautiful and Copia was afraid he wouldn’t ever write anything in it, it was too precious to taint with his scribbles. ‘For your songs’ Terzo said to him then with a soft smile.
“I want to give you something more than a low material goods,” Terzo rolled his eyes, nudging him again. “An experience is worth more.”
He slid free hand into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and took out a small plastic bag with something in it. He opened it and Copia recognized the smell.
Weed.
“Care for your first joint?” Terzo asked, winking at him.
It wouldn’t be his first joint. He was a child of the Clergy, for Satan’s sake, he indulged in every possible way, did Terzo think it was his first sip of wine too? He was ready to laugh at his brother if not for his smile, the mischief in his eyes, like he was enjoying it so much, teaching his little brother the pleasures of adult life. He wasn’t able to burst his bubble so he just nodded, watching when Terzo rolled them a joint, mesmerized, admiring Terzo’s slander, elegant fingers. His movements were precise, practiced as he touched translucent paper and sticky buds. He took another gulp of wine to calm the nervous jitters running all over his skin. It didn’t work, it became worse, when Terzo lit the joint, put it between his lips, smearing back lipstick on the filter.
Terzo breathed in, taking the smoke deep into his lungs, holding it, his chest hitching with a suppressed cough before he finally let it curl out, slow and languid, up over his lips and cheeks to diffuse into the cold, night air.
Copia was getting hard from watching it. He shifted uncomfortable, his body felt so hot and sluggish, the smell of weed waved over him. It was good, but he was losing control and when Terzo handed him the joint he let his fingers linger a little bit too long on his brother’s, over his smooth skin, not that Terzo noticed it.
Copia managed to get the smoke all the way to the back of his throat before he coughed and hacked until it felt like his lungs were shredded, an acrid aftertaste of wine coming up his throat. Terzo gave him a minute, rubbing his back to calm his down, the steady pressure of his touch only flaring Copia more. He fought with himself to follow the touch, to press into it, until he could feel Terzo’s hand everywhere on his body. He tried to take the next hit, to distract himself from Terzo and the growing heat in his body but it went even worse and he was coughing so hard spit started to run down his chin. He robbed it off with the edge of his sleeve, burning with desire and shame.
“Let’s try something different,” Terzo offered after a moment, voice lower than usual. The alcohol and weed had to get to him too, because there was a blush on his cheeks, going down to the neck and Copia was suddenly desperate to see how far it went. There was buzz running through Copia’s spine, up and down, spinning in his head. He nodded, eager to try everything, anything Terzo would want. His vision became softer, blurring at the edges.
Terzo’s hand was moving up his back, to his neck, holding him still, fingers pressing directly into the skin and Copia could cry from how good it felt.
Terzo took the next shot and leaned in, face inches from Copia’s and for one glorious, terrifying moment Copia was so sure Terzo was going to kiss him, his face blocking the night sky above them, illuminated by stars, a true vision of Damned of Hell, hellish prince in all his beauty. But then Terzo frowned, the hand holding the joint carefully reaching between them, thumb sliding over Copia’s lower lip, ordering him without words to open his mouth.
And Copia did it, how could he not, he parted his lips, tongue instinctively spurting out, the tip of it licking at Terzo’s thumb and his brother’s eyes darkened with something Copia couldn’t name. The smoke started to steam from Terzo’s mouth, warm like his breath, and Copia took it, the humid air, burning inside him like the flames of Hell itself. He tried to keep it forever, as long as he could, beyond that limit, until Terzo turned back to him and coughed into his sleeve.
“Let it out, fratello,” Terzo said in a raspy voice and he did it, coughing far less than previously. Terzo still rubbed his back, slower this time, fingertips digging into his flesh though the fabric of Copia’s jacket and his shirt. Copia’s body felt almost too sensitive, every millisecond of the touch magnified, as if Terzo was scrapping his spine and bones. And Copia would let him do that too.
They did it again, this time Terzo moving even closer, his lower lip brushing over Copia’s and it was like an electric shock, his whole body trembling with it, set on fire. There is no way to hide the tent in his pants right now but Terzo didn’t look there, wasn’t looking at him at all, eyes half closed. The tension of holding his breath made Copia even harder, painfully so and he wanted to touch himself, right in front of his brother, to make him watch.
He was lightheaded when Terzo asked him if he was okay, if it wasn’t too much. Copia shook his head.
“Do you want to try the other way around?”
Again, he could only nod, taking the shot right away, keeping the burning air in, going on all his fours to move closer to Terzo, who parted his lips, waiting for the smoke and Copia closed the distance between them, putting his lips on him and exhaled.
It was clumsy, his whole body shaking, his tongue sliding out from between his lips, tasting the softness of Terzo’s lower lip, just a quick brush, which was far better than weed and wine, tasting like a sin itself. The smoke filled the space between them, warmth against his face, like a butterfly kisses all over his cheeks, teasing him, connecting them, body to body, breathe to breathe, stars spinning above them with the move and rhythm of the cosmos, Copia could hear if for a moment, the musica mundana, the melody of the universe vibrating all around them and in them, and then heard something even more beautiful.
Terzo growled, deep, trembling sound, the world stopped and their lips crushed together in a searing kiss that made their teeth clack against each other. In a second Terzo’s hands were around his waist, pulling him closer and Copia gladly climbed on his lap, clinging to him, legs crossed on his back, arms around his shoulders, forgotten joint rolling down on the ground. They were kissing and Copia had no idea what would happen next and he didn’t care because Terzo tasted so good, his lips were perfect, his body so warm and welcoming, all over him, like Copia was meant to be in his arms like that.
Copia managed to catch Terzo’s lower lip between his teeth and sucked on it gently, causing Terzo to moan right into his mouth. He became bolder, sinking his teeth into it, another moan, louder, and, oh Satan, wasn’t that the most beautiful music. Terzo tightened his grip on Copia’s hips, pulling him onto himself, Copia’s cock was trapped between their bodies, poking Terzo in the stomach and that was perfect too, the harsh drag of denim on denim. Copia’s hips started to thrust uncontrollably because Terzo was hard too, he could feel the hard outline of his cock against his own.
They kissed again, not that they ever stopped, the short breaks for Copia to catch his breath didn’t mean he pulled away for a second, breathing in as Terzo exhaled, keeping his breath inside as he did with smoke, the same burning, the same deliciousness in it.
Terzo grabbed his chin hard.
“Relax your jaw,” he said with a smile. “Slow down. Not so much tongue.”
Copia nodded, yeah, he would be good, he would do anything his brother said, he could do it as long as they would continue. It gave him something to focus on, following Terzo’s lead, trying to kiss him again, softer this time, slower, more gentle. He was trying to breathe this time instead of suffocating on his brother’s tongue, which, to be honest, would be the death he would welcome with open arms. It still was clumsy and sloppy, his first real kiss, so much better than the first joint as the birthday presents went. He obediently sucked at Terzo’s tongue, constantly probing into his mouth, sliding against his own, running over it. Every move caused his hips to dance on their own, like he was a fucking puppet, Terzo pulling invisible strings on him.
When Terzo grabbed his ass, Copia yelped, the unknown sensation exploding between his legs.
“You want to…?” Terzo didn’t even have to finish the sentence before Copia was nodding, mouth agape, eyes opened wide, yes, whatever, anything, don’t stop.
He might have said the last part out loud, he wasn’t sure.
Terzo chuckled and managed to take off his jacket, laying it on the cold surface under them like a blanket. Then he moved, turning them both around, gently placing Copia on it and falling between his still spread legs, covering him up with himself, kissing him more.
It was so much, his lips and cock burning with sensations and then Terzo slid his hand under Copia’s shirt, cold thumb brushing over his nipples and Copia almost bit Terzo’s tongue off before shouting from pleasure.
“I knew you would be sensitive here,” Terzo laughed into his mouth, teasing the little bud between his fingers as Copia wiggled and whimpered under him, kissing forgotten, he was only able to pant into lips still pressed into his lips. “These perky pink nipples, so sweet to look at, I bet they taste even better, you teased me with them so much, tesoro, showing them off when dancing, the whole summer at the pool, made me felt like some fucking pervert over you…”
Copia couldn’t properly register what Terzo was saying but it sounded so good, so… lascivious. It made him tingle all over and then Terzo rolled up his shirt with one hand, sinking down and putting his nipple between lips, hot and wet, moving the tip of his tongue around him. Copia screamed again, trying to close his legs, pressing his cock even more into Terzo above him, hips thrusting in vicious rhythm. He was falling apart.
“Terzo…” He whimpered and Terzo sank his teeth in the sensitive flesh just above his nipple, sucking hard. The pain exploded in Copia’s body, mixing with pleasure, with the soft buzz of alcohol and weed, going straight to his cock. Terzo didn’t stop, concentrating on giving him an epic hickey, sucking the bruise there, his hands digging into Copia’s body and Copia was coming from the overwhelming sensations, so strong and contradicting, grinding his hips all over Terzo’s crotch to feel his cock too. The orgasm was like nothing he had ever felt before, nothing his own hand could provide, the world-shuttering experience that blinded him, took him out of consciousness, made his body pliant and numb after the wave after wave of endless pleasure stopped finally washing over him.
He laid under Terzo, unable to move, letting him suck more, until it was just plain painful. He hissed, against himself, he really wanted to keep his mouth shut and let Terzo do more. But it was enough for Terzo to let go of him. He cupped Copia’s face, thumb brushing against his cheekbone, wet from tears. Did he cry? He didn’t notice.
“You okay, fratello?” Terzo whispered.
Copia nodded. He wanted to reach for Terzo, to get more kisses, to touch him, to take his cock in hands.
He wasn’t able to. He didn’t know it was weed, shame bordering on mortification as the wet spot at the front of his pants grew, or something else, but he just couldn’t. His body felt alien, not like his own, and he had little power over it.
Terzo pulled his shirt down. Copia could feel the bruise he left, the size of it, blood pulsating under the skin and the thought that everybody would see it made his head spin again. Terzo marked him, his mind sang. Terzo kissed and marked him, and made him come.
It seemed unreal. Did it happen only in his head? Did he imagine it so vividly because of the weed?
But the bruise throbbed and his lips were swollen and Terzo was leaning over him, brushing his hair with his fingers.
“You always have the softest hair,” Terzo whispered. “I loved playing with it when you were little, sitting on my lap, hugging me like I was some kind of freaky teddy bear…I miss it. Why don’t you come to me anymore, Copia? We could be so good together, you and I.”
Copia wanted to say something, tell Terzo that if he sat again in his lap it would end like this but words stuck in his throat, he could only moan softly and pointed at himself as if he was saying ‘don’t you see what you do to me?’
Terzo, somehow, understood him, but only smiled in response.
“Yeah, that’s what I am telling you, we are good together,” he said.
Copia nodded, pulling his brother close, to hug him, clinging to his side like he was some kind of freaking plush toy, made to bring comfort. Yeah, they were good together. At least tonight.