Work Text:
Remus Lupin was not a strong man, but he was going to try to be one today.
He had called James and told him to meet him at his apartment, which was probably his first mistake, but he was definitely not going to fuck him this time. He was tired of being James’ dirty little secret. He got tired of pretending that this was only for fun right when they stopped sleeping together exclusively when they were drunk.
So no, Remus Lupin was not going to fuck James again. Not like this, and, if it all went to shit, as it would probably go, not ever.
But of course, as soon as Remus opened the door, James was on his lips, kissing him passionately.
“James, stop.” Remus said the first breath he got. “We need to talk.”
“We can talk later.” James replied easily, already unbuttoning Remus’ shirt. “Missed you.” And Remus was not going to fall for it, that would be pathetic… But then again, James Potter was a force stronger than anything he had ever seen before, so of course he failed, and let himself be dragged to his bedroom, pushed into the bed, both their clothes scattered all over the place.
As soon as Remus touched the bed he started trailing kisses down James’ chest, not leaving marks. James wouldn’t let him, maybe that was too gay for him or maybe it was because it resembled possessivity. In any case, Remus wasn’t allowed to grab too hard, to give him love bites, to mark him in any way. The only time he did, James stopped talking to him for a week. He learnt the lesson pretty quickly after that.
James moaned when Remus put his lips around one of his nipples and sucked, he always claimed not to be a loud guy in bed when their friends shared details about sex, but Remus always dragged the prettiest sounds out of him.
“Moony, please.” he whined. Remus put his hands on James’ hips, grabbing as hard as he could without leaving marks, and detached his lips from his nipple.
“Use your words, sweetheart” Remus was only allowed to call James pet names when they were shagging, James fucking loved it, moaning and arching his back any time Remus praised him, talked nicely to him. And Remus was addicted to it, he took advantage of it every single time, because he wasn’t permitted to do it under any other circumstance. Can anyone blame him? He is in love, after all. “Tell me what you want.”
“Touch me, please.” James begged. Remus dragged one hand up and cradled his face, caressing his cheek softly before putting his thumb inside James’ mouth, who as the good boy that he was, sucked on it.
“So perfect for me, made to take everything I give to you, aren’t you?” He praised, loving how the whine James let out was trapped inside his mouth. Remus stuck his thumb out. “Kneel for me, baby. You know how much I like your beautiful eyes looking up.” James did without hesitation, dropping to his knees in a second. Remus groaned seeing his fully dilated pupils looking at him, waiting for any instruction Remus would give to him.
Remus lined his cock to James mouth, not needing to ask him to open it, because as soon as he took his hard member in his hand, James was ready, tongue out and everything, like a well trained puppy. He started licking Remus’ up, taking all he could in his mouth.
“You look so good baby, you make me feel amazing, just like that, gorgeous.” James sucked like a professional, which was surprising for someone who had never been with a man before him, but he just was made to have his mouth occupied.
After they started to sleep together, Remus noticed how James was always sucking or biting something, a lollipop, a gum, a straw, anything, like he needed to have something in his mouth at all times. It was torture to Remus, who would look at him and wish it was his cock instead, James would notice him looking sometimes, and if there wasn’t anyone watching, he would even wink at him and make it a bit of a show.
Remus started fucking his mouth earnestly, grabbing his hair strongly and pumping in, James moaned around his cock, loving it hard and fast, chocking on it and grazing his teeth gently. Remus just moaned and hissed over and over again, enjoying the heat around him.
When Remus was about to come he pulled out, making James whine at the loss.
“Why?” He pouted. “I wanted it.” Remus lifted an eyebrow.
“I thought you wanted me to fuck you.” James nodded earnestly, standing up and kissing Remus passionately. Remus could taste himself, moaning into the kiss when he felt James’ hard length brush against his own. James pulled away first, going to Remus bedside table and opening the drawer where the condoms and the lube were and bringing them to him.
James put the condom on Remus, making him hiss at the friction.
"Lay on the bed for me, sweetheart." James obeyed immediately, opening his legs for him. "You want it so bad, don't you?" He teased, roaming one hand on his thigh, the other one stroking his cock slowly.
"Remus" James groaned. "Get on with it." Remus stilled his movements and tuted.
"I fear that with that attitude of yours I don't feel like it." He said, looking straight at James eyes.
"I need you. You know I can take it." James fought back. Remus liked it. He liked how James challenged him, it made the way he ended up completely undone feel so much better.
"I know you can, but did I ask?" Remus grabbed his face and kissed him hard. "You'll take what I give you, baby, and you will like it. Thank me, even." James nodded dumbly. "Words."
"You can do whatever you want, I want you, I want it all." Oh, that hurt, if only that was true, Remus wouldn't be suffering so much, but alas, he was the one that took whatever James gave him, it didn't matter what happened during sex. He kissed him again, hoping James could feel his desperation. James kissed back just as hard, like he could feel it, like he felt the same. And for a brief moment, Remus let himself believe that.
He pulled away and opened the lube, pouring a considerable amount on his fingers and putting one of them inside James' hole, making him moan. "Remus, love, please." And wasn't that the worst thing Remus had ever heard? Fucked out James calling him love, breaking apart just for him, even if he didn't get to have him all the time, he got to have him like this, here James was only his.
"Yes baby, come on, you're doing amazing, such a needy thing." He entered a second finger, scissoring them inside James and basking in the groans he let out. By the third finger James was a fucked out mess.
"I'm ready, I am, please, love, I need you, I want you, Moony please." James blabbered. Remus pressed a kiss to his shoulder and pulled out, using his lubed hand to stroke his painfully hard cock. He poured more lube on his cock for good measure and lined it up to James entrance, pushing it slowly and moaning at the heat embracing him.
"Baby you're so tight." He groaned. "You feel so good on my cock, my perfect match, perfect for me only." He started fucking into James.
"Yours, Moony, only yours, all yours." James wasn't thinking clearly anymore, this was Remus favorite moment, when he called him love, when he said he was his, when, for a moment, Remus could pretend James loved him. "And you're mine."
"Only yours, sweetheart."
So, yes, Remus fucked him again.
They were laying on the bed, James’ head on his chest, Remus’ hand tracing doodles on James’ back. Neither of them was talking, they never did after they shagged, honestly, not before either. They never talked anymore.
Remus missed being friends with James, not only his booty call. He missed when James called him in the middle of the night to talk about whatever his mind was on. He missed James asking about what book he was reading at the moment, listening attentively when Remus explained the plots and characters, even when he didn't plan on reading any of them. He missed the way James would light up whenever Remus iniciated physical contact, knowing Remus wasn't one to touch others, he remembered James telling him he felt special with him; not anymore, based in the way he would flinch as soon as Remus gets close to him in front of others, making up any excuse to move away from him.
He decided to break the silence this time, what could he lose at this point?
“James?” He said hesitantly. James only hummed in response. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
The boy tensed immediately. “What do you mean?” James asked, as if Remus could be talking about anything else.
“We need to stop sleeping together. It’s not happening again.” He said firmly, as if his heart wasn’t breaking with every word, as if James breathing getting erratic didn’t cause his stomach to churn.
James sat up, and by the way he looked anywhere but at Remus made him want to take it all back, but then again, when was the last time James had looked at his eyes without Remus being inside of him? He was tired, he knew he deserved better.
“Why?” James questioned. “Did I do something wrong?” He sounded like a little child, like if Remus was the one breaking his heart.
“You’re straight.” Remus said simply. He knew James wasn’t, he knew it was mostly denial, he knew he was not going to accept it. “I’m not.”
James frowned. “So? We’re just having fun. We’re friends. It doesn’t matter.” This was it, this was the most Remus was going to get from him.
“It matters to me. And are we even friends anymore? We don’t talk, we don’t hang out, we barely see each other.” Remus said harshly.
James looked at him then, his eyes were tearing up, Remus wanted to hold him close, kiss him, cradle his face and tell him everything was okay. He wanted to take all of James’ pain away, go back in time and never have this conversation at all. But it was necessary, after seeing James flirt with every woman who stood in front of him, after watching him dance at the club with that blonde girl two weeks ago, he left before he could see James take her home. He couldn’t take it anymore.
“Of course we’re friends. We see each other all the time! And we do talk!” James insisted. “Where is this all coming from? We were fine!”
“We haven’t been fine in a long time Prongs, this isn’t happening again, we’re done.” Remus said firmly, hating himself more than ever.
“Okay, whatever Remus, see you next week when you want to fuck me again.” James stood up, picking his clothes up and storming out of the room.
Remus wanted to tell him to stay, but he could not allow himself to fall for it. He was over, this was over. If he felt like someone had ripped his soul apart? Well, that’s besides the point.