Chapter Text
There is so much to read in your eyes, Mulder. Your eyes speak a thousand and one words without you knowing what to say.
In your eyes, there's so much more than what you give; a love that builds wonders wordlessly, just your heart against my ear, and in a heartbeat everything in me resonates, seasons of your life mesmerizing my soul.
In your eyes, your past assails you, bringing out storms in which I feel fragile, and I want to embrace altogether the child, the castaway drowning in his own abyss and the lover that are all in you.
In Mulder’s eyes, there was so much respect, desire and love, and I had taken for granted all our moments that I thought would last forever. The unwavering trust, the unbreakable bond and the unconditional love.
Mulder’s presence by my side and his eyes seeking mine were as obvious and oblivious to my mind as the rising and setting of the sun every day; it wasn’t supposed to end.
But his eyes were closed now …
The few days that had gone by since Mulder had been taken seemed like a decade, and I felt it would have been less painful if I had surgically had a lung removed.
Lamartine said, just one person is missing, and the world becomes a vast wasteland. A soulless world. Why was it that it was only once you’d lost someone that you realized how much you deeply loved them? I’d loved Mulder from the start; as a colleague first and then as a friend, but I couldn’t seem to find the right way to express the true, immense and precious love I felt for him now. “My one in five billion” came to mind, or “my touchstone”, but I wasn't even sure any of these was strong enough. I had been so comfortable and used to being with him that I had barely taken a moment to ask myself what was that wrenching in my stomach when his hands touched mine and my eyes drowned into his.
Hold on, Mulder, I’m gonna get you outta there. No matter where is there, I will find you. I need to look into your eyes to tell you, Mulder, that the miracle you told me not to give up on … I'm having a hard time explaining it, or believing it, but um, I'm pregnant … A child, Mulder.