Chapter Text
-“I think…” The words slipped out of Ellie in a broken whisper, shattering the silence like fragile glass. “I think I’m in love with someone”.
The rain tapped softly against the window, a steady beat that seemed to echo their pauses. The beat-up couch was empty except for the two of them, and every word, every little movement, felt louder in the small room. The redhead who’d been buried in her little joke book just moments ago had slammed it shut. She didn’t look up from her lap, like she was scared that if she did, he’d see way too much in her eyes. She held her breath without meaning to, her heart pounding so hard she swore Joel could hear it. I said it. No taking it back.
Joel had heard her, he definitely had. He’d been focused, twisting the tuning peg on the sixth string of his old guitar, but now his hands froze halfway. The last note he’d plucked faded into nothing, leaving a sudden, heavy quiet… She’d just said she was in love? A cold panic crawled down his spine. He leaned the guitar against the couch like the thing had suddenly burned him. Tuning, practice, none of that mattered now. He needed air, a distraction, anything but looking her in the eye, at least not right then.
-“I think it’s getting a little chilly in here. Want me to light the fireplace?”. Joel asked without waiting for an answer, heading toward it almost too fast. Shit, he hated brushing her off like that, but he needed a few seconds to get his head straight. Good thing he’d stashed some dry firewood and kindling in the room, he didn’t have to go far and hurt her more.
As he got the fire going, his mind raced. Who the hell was she in love with? The question was stupid because the sharp stab of jealousy hit him right away, not a lover’s jealousy, of course, but a protector’s. He couldn’t stomach the idea of her with someone. Why now? The fire caught the tinder, and he stared into the flames, convinced this was all too soon. She was still a kid to him, his kid, and the thought of anyone else getting close to her like that was just unacceptable. He knew any guy would just try to take advantage of her, and that would hurt her worse than anything she’d already been through looking for the Fireflies. She didn’t deserve some asshole breaking her heart too.
Ellie finally let out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. The fire started crackling softly, throwing an orange glow across the room. She’d confessed with the desperate hope that Joel would get it without her having to spell it out, she’d said “someone” hoping he’d read between the lines.
He hadn’t.
“What if he didn’t hear me?”.
The doubt lasted only a second, but the signs were clear. She’d spent so much time by his side, studying every little thing he did, that she could read his body language like an open book. She saw the tension lock up his shoulders, the quick clench of his jaw the instant her words hung in the air. He’d heard her, she was sure of it, and his silence was the cruelest answer he could give.
She didn’t know when it had started, and honestly, she didn’t care. Her feelings were solid as rock, whether they’d begun yesterday or months ago; all that mattered was right now. Hiding them had become daily torture.
She couldn’t keep pretending this “friendship” was all there was. She remembered Joel’s touch on her arm, a casual gesture that had sparked something unexpected. Guilt had hit as fast as the spark, a reminder of how wrong it felt. Still, she admitted to herself, it had been as sweet as it was forbidden, and for one brief moment, she hadn’t wanted it to stop.
The rain, completely indifferent to what was happening inside, started coming down harder, lightning flashing across the cloudy sky. They stayed quiet for a few seconds, not sure what to do. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Joel decided to break it.
-“Ellie…”, he murmured, rising smoothly from his spot by the fireplace and turning to face the redhead still sitting on the couch. In the flickering firelight, she looked even more beautiful, almost unreal.
-“Joel…”, she answered in the same tone. It sounded a little hurt, like the gap between them had grown with his silence.
-“Listen to me… kiddo”. Joel’s voice was firm, carrying that almost fatherly authority. “You’re still really young, and these… these feelings are intense right now, I get it, but it’s too soon to be thinking about that, about anything serious”. As he spoke, he dropped back into his armchair, breaking eye contact. He hated talking down to her like that, but he hated even more the closeness that had built when he was near her.
-“There’ll be time for all that, way down the line, when you’ve grown up a little more. For now, I’m asking you to just forget all this, okay? It’s… not the time”.
-“And how will I know when it is the time?” Ellie shot back, her voice barely holding steady, threatening to crack any second. “Only when you give me permission?” She crossed her arms.
-“I know you’ve made decisions for a lot of people before.” Ellie paused, her voice sharpening. “But you won’t do it with me. You can’t decide for me!”.
-“You’re not my father…”, it came out almost a whisper. She hated how those words hurt him, she saw the flash of pain in his eyes, but she hated even more that he kept seeing her as just a kid, one who needed a guardian or a dad.
A grimace of pain crossed Joel’s face for a split second, gone as fast as it came. He clenched his jaw, eyes hardening. “I may not be your father”, he said calmly, “but I’ve been responsible for your well-being these past years.
Joel sighed, the air leaving his lungs like he’d been carrying a massive weight. He looked at her; the brief anger faded into something vulnerable. “And you’re right, Ellie. I know I can’t control all your choices… it’s not just about age, it’s that…” He paused, searching for the words. “I really don’t want you to get hurt.” He’d always thought surviving was the hardest thing in this goddamn post-apocalyptic world. He’d been dead wrong… Killing those fungal freaks was a walk in the park compared to dealing with a teenager with raging hormones, and for the first time in years, Joel wasn’t sure he had what it took to win. Fuck.
-“What, you don’t want me to get hurt?” Ellie repeated, incredulous. She let out a fake laugh. “It’s easy to hide behind that excuse, isn’t it? Real convenient. But this isn’t about protecting me from Clickers or a gang of bandits”. She paused briefly, gathering her thoughts. “This is about protecting yourself from feeling, from facing something you can’t control”.
-“It’s not my safety you’re worried about, Joel. It’s your control over me”.
Joel let out a heavy, loaded sigh. She was right. She was damn right. But of course, he’d never admit it out loud. Maybe he didn’t have to; that little slip, that sigh, had probably already told her everything. Sometimes it scared the hell out of him how well she could read him, see through his walls with one look. He was still amazed by how incredibly mature she was for her age; hell, she was smarter than most people in Jackson. He couldn’t feel anything less than immensely proud of her.
And sometimes it terrified him how fast she’d grown up, how sharp she was… too much for this shitty world.
Ellie saw Joel’s discomfort and knew she’d won the round. She decided to ease off; the intensity was so high she was scared of breaking their relationship for good. She leaned back against the couch, her posture relaxing. “Okay, Joel. I get your point.” She raised both arms in a peace gesture. “Let’s forget all this… for now”.
Joel eyed her warily, waiting for the next hit. But it never came, letting his tense muscles loosen bit by bit.
-“Good. Then the conversation’s over”.
Ellie smiled slightly—an innocent look that didn’t fool Joel for a second. That smile, as sweet as it was fake, put him on high alert.
-“Almost… I had another question from a book I found in the library.” If this was a test of Joel’s patience, Ellie was definitely winning, and he knew it.
-“A book?” Joel growled, wishing the storm inside him would calm down already. “Ellie, I’m not in the mood for games”.
-“It’s not a game” Ellie defended, her tone now completely serious and thoughtful. “It’s an old book I found in the library. It talked about… how to know if someone’s in love with you. It listed signs, but some are vague or I just don’t get them”. Of course, she wasn’t telling the whole truth. The book hadn’t just given signs to spot love; it had also suggested using them as a game to open the door. It was risky, yeah, but if Joel wouldn’t let her speak plainly, she’d find a way to make them both face it.
Joel frowned. The conversation was heading back into dangerous territory. “I don’t know shit about that nonsense, kiddo”, he growled. “And honestly, I’m no damn romance expert.” He thought of his marriage, a distant, gray memory. In this brutal world, romance was a luxury they couldn’t afford, a weakness that only led to pain and death.
He stood, ready to call it a night. “I’m tired. I think you should get some sleep”.
-“Okay”, Ellie said with total calm, a calm that stopped him cold. “If you can’t help me figure out the book, I’ll ask Mark tomorrow. He’ll probably know all about romance”.
The name Mark, the young mechanic in the settlement, hit Joel like a bullet. He froze mid-step, back going rigid. The jealousy he’d tried to bury flared up into a wildfire, burning hotter than the flames in the fireplace.
He spun on his heel. His face was a mask of barely contained frustration, jaw clenched so tight the muscles stood out. He stared at her, eyes narrowed. No words, just his whole stance screaming he was at his limit.
Ellie smiled to herself. The casual mention of Mark had worked. Protector or father figure, it didn’t matter; that reaction told her everything. There was real jealousy there. The thought that Joel might feel something similar, hidden behind all that hardness, sparked genuine hope in her. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance.
-“Then help me yourself. I just want to know the signs” Ellie said, fidgeting with her fingers. “A little question-and-answer game, nothing more”.
Joel clenched his fists in defeat. The image of Mark and Ellie sitting together, talking romance, was one he just couldn’t stand. He swallowed hard before speaking.
-“With one condition,” Joel growled, voice low and loaded with a warning that could chill blood. He leaned forward, his intensity filling the space between them. “We talk about this. You tell me what that damn book said and the signs, and then… it’s done. You forget all this talk. You forget what you feel, what you said earlier, everything. We go back to how things were before tonight”.
Ellie smiled, nodding as she savored her small victory. He had no idea going back was already impossible. “Deal”.