Chapter Text
It really shouldn't have taken Dennis so long to pick up on Robby's habit of buying things for him. Looking back there were more clues than there were nitrile gloves in the ER, but somehow Dennis had managed to miss them all.
But truly the point where Dennis went from unobservant to just plain stupid was when Jack also picked up on the habit and Dennis was none the wiser. Robby wasn't the most subtle of men, though he tried to cover up what was clearly a big heart in snipped commands and a heavy layer of sarcasm. But Dennis liked to think they had been dating for long enough to see through all of that.
Jack on the other hand tended to wear his heart on his sleeve. Always ready, if not slightly unwilling, to share his emotions. Dennis had learned early into Jack's addition to their relationship that it was a skill he had picked up in therapy, and Dennis genuinely wanted to kiss the man's therapist for that. So if anyone should have been able to clue Dennis in on Robby's, and now Jack's, almost obsession with financially providing for Dennis it should have been Jack. Or Robby. Or really anyone but Trinity fucking Santos.
And all the same it was Trinity who made him pick up on his older men's habit of always paying for him.
Dennis' rotation in the Pitt wasn't going to last forever. And even with a good word from Robby to his program, Dennis was only able to extend his stay in Pittsburgh Trauma’s Emergency Department from four weeks to eight.
His last day had been full of bittersweet goodbyes, as he promised everybody he would be back after graduation. Robby had taken Dennis out for drinks under the very professional explanation of a mentor saying goodbye to a good student. Not that Trinity believed it for a second when Dennis explained it to her. And if Jack had just so happened to meet them for drinks that had been completely inexplicably scheduled for his one night off that week, that was for them to know.
He didn't have long to recover from the Pitt before he was whisked away to surgery for another core rotation, thankfully still in the same hospital as Robby and Jack.
Surgery had taken a bit of getting used to. Dennis had started with helping on intakes which reminded him enough of the calmer moments in the ER that he fell into it easily. But it took him a fair bit to get used to the quiet of the operating room once he was allowed in. His surgeon had been helpful but quite, more focused on making sure Dennis had reviewed a case than actually helping him understand or participate in any operation. Often quizzing him on the case before surgery and then going completely silent once they entered the OR.
He had tried his best not to complain too much to Jack and Robby about it because it really was fine. Slightly boring was okay and Dennis was well aware of the fact that he didn't have to fall in love with surgery to learn from it. But apparently he had let his mild annoyance slip one too many times because Dennis was quickly whisked away to trauma surgery instead and felt much more at home. The chaos trauma surgery provided made the days pass by in a blur, and the fact that he happened to see Robby or Jack every few days when he was on trauma bay duty was just a fun little bonus.
The real joy of trauma surgery though was that he got to work with Dr. Garcia on a regular basis, and thus was apparently required to go over to Trinity's to “study” once a week. Study sessions that almost immediately devolved into her pressing him for any details on Garcia while trying not to be too obvious about it.
Which was how he found himself sitting on the floor of Trinity’s apartment, doing his best to study while she was glaring at a food delivery app.
“A $9.98 service fee? What service?” Trinity exclaimed from her spot on the couch, her text book abandoned on the counter almost the minute Dennis stepped through the door. “Thank you for making an app that puts family restaurants out of business, here's ten dollars!”
Dennis tried his best to focus on the difference between atherosclerosis and arteriosclerosis, but he couldn't help but shoot a glance at Trinity. He knew her well enough to know that once she was hungry, and had the time to actually eat, nothing productive would be done until she had food.
“We could pick something up if you want.” Dennis suggested, leaving a post-it note to mark where he left off and closing the text book with a satisfying thud.
The only way to get back to even pretending to study was to get some food. Not that he minded of course. It had been a busy day for both of them, and if Dennis was being honest he was too keyed up to appreciate the all so interesting world of artery plaque. That could come after he had eaten his own artery punishing meal.
“Don’t be stupid Dennis,” Trinity mocked, throwing her phone down dramatically onto the couch. “it’s not a good look on you.”
“Gee, thanks.” Dennis snarked back, weighing his book and trying to determine how much damage it would do if Dennis was to hit Trinity with it. It was probably a bad idea, but it would be deserved, even just to do it once.
“Ugh, you know the only place close enough to walk to in this weather is that expensive Mexican place.” Trinity explained. “And I can’t do that to my poor wallet right now.”
Dennis rolled his eyes as Trinity let out another dramatic sigh. It was a familiar dance for the two. Trinity’s godparents may have been willing to pay part of her rent to keep her out of the more sketchier apartments in the city while she was doing her residency. But everything else was all up to her and 42k didn’t go nearly far enough in Pittsburg. So their food options were usually limited to whatever sparse groceries were in her fridge, or take out. They almost always landed on take out.
“The weather?” Dennis just had to jab. “It’s like 40 degrees out.”
“Semantics.” Trinity said with a hand wave, finally sitting up and tapping Dennis on the head while doing so. “Besides the money, Huckleberry, you can’t forget about the money.”
“Do you want me to pay?” Dennis suggested.
The younger still had almost no money to his name. Residency was a job, but rotations were a privilege he was paying this university for. But Robby had given him one of his credit cards after Dennis almost started crying out of shame when he had to explain to the man that he couldn’t get groceries on his day off as he had no way of paying for more than the barest of essentials. It hadn’t been Dennis's proudest moment, but it had ended in another conversation from Robby about how he needed to ask for help more, and one of Robby’s personal credit cards was added to Dennis’ wallet.
At first Dennis had been pretty insistent about only using it for household things, the occasional grocery trip here, a pick up order from the two of them there. But with some coxing from Robby, and the man's increased scrutiny over how little Dennis normally ate, Dennis slowly started being a bit more liberal with his card usage.
“What?” Trinity asked with a disbelieving laugh. “Did you happen to win the lottery on top of sleeping with the ER’s two most eligible bachelors?"
“Trinity!” Dennis shouted, not sure if he was more offended at the jap at his personal luck, or the suggestion that Robby and Jack were still ‘eligible bachelors’ and not very much tied down with him.
“God I can’t stand men sometimes.” Trinity joked back, visibly grimacing at even the thought of Dennis with Jack and Robby.
There was no way Dennis wasn’t going to tell Trinity about the addition of Jack into their relationship, but God some days he regretted it as it gave Trinity so much more ammunition. How she hadn’t gotten in more trouble yet for testing Dr. Robby and Abbot at work was honestly a mystery at this point, blackmail material be damned. Trinity had apparently made it her personal mission to ‘make sure Dennis was being treated properly’ in his relationship. Which, as far as Dennis could tell, meant needlessly poking the two attendings whenever Dennis came to work trying to hide a hickey that had been placed just a bit too high. It had been bad enough when it was just Robby, but apparently throwing Jack into the mix had Trinity working overtime to mock the two for not being able to keep their hands off of Dennis, only to turn around and label Dennis an easy slut.
“Again, thanks.” Dennis said in as dry of a tone as he could manage.
“I do have money though, if you want to get Mexican and think you can stand this bracing weather.” Dennis said, suddenly more aware of his own hunger and the time it would take to place their order and pick up the food.
“You can't pay them in favors Dennis,” Trinity said with an eye roll and a light shove. “That only works in porn.”
“Ugh Trinity, I don’t need that imagery from you!”
Dennis left his comfortable spot on the floor to check Trinity’s fridge for any drinks she may have laying around. Dennis had spent so much time in her apartment by this point that she had managed to break through his strict Midwestern hospitality training. He was still more than hesitant to just grab things for himself, but he had no issues with doing a quick fridge inventory to see if he would have to remind Trinity to order a drink with dinner as well. How someone came to only like diet sodas Dennis wasn’t sure, but he had learned by now that if Trinity didn’t have one with each meal she would try to take some of whatever Dennis was drinking and complain loudly when it was always just water.
“No,”Trinity said after considering it for a few moments. “I’m sure your boyfriends would kill you if you tried.”
“Yeah speaking of them,” Dennis quickly interjected, trying to get her back on point. “Robby gave me his card so I can cover dinner if you want.”
“Dude, he gave you his card?” Trinity asked, whipping around to shoot Dennis a disbelieving look from behind the couch. “Why the fuck do you get a sugar daddy? Daddies?”
A blush shot up Dennis face in record time as he was left sputtering and the suggestion. The last thing he needed was for Trinity to have another reason to make fun of him.
“It’s not- Trinity it’s not like that!” He protested. “He just wanted to make sure we actually got food this time.”
There was no way in hell Dennis would give her the real reason Robby had given him the card now. He could only imagine the accusations if Trinity learned why he had received the card. If she called him a ‘kept man' one more time he was going to throw his student loans at her as proof of the contrary.
Besides Robby and Jack had been annoyed when Dennis told them he had gone without dinner last time he studied with Trinity, so it was close enough to the truth. Though their lack of food last time had more to do with Trinity needing to field a call from an old friend that left her drained, but he certainly didn’t need to bring that up right now.
“Oh, so I get to benefit from this sugar arrangement?” Trinity said, finger to her chin pretending to consider the idea. “Fine, I’ll take it.”
“There’s no sugar anything!” Dennis tried once again, pulling a diet coke out of the fridge and throwing it at her in a desperate attempt to throw her off. “Robby just wanted me to eat!”
“Yeah sure,” Trinity scoffed, catching the coke with ease and shaking it back and forth just a bit to prove a point. “And the way he always gives you money for lunch or pays for your textbooks also has nothing to do with any type of sugar adjacent relationship!”
And yeah maybe Robby had paid for one of the textbooks that Dennis had lamented needing to return at the end of the semester. And then got them coffee afterwards. But that was just because they happened to have a day off together, and Dennis had left the card at home because he knew- well it didn’t matter why. Robby wasn’t a sugar daddy or anything, he just liked paying for things sometimes. Obviously it was because Dennis was beyond broke. That was the only reason.
Of course he did get a small monthly stipend from one of the grants he had fought hard for and Robby knew that. But that was different. Robby didn’t want him to spend that because he needed to save it. And besides, what was he even gonna cover with $250 a month? Jack had just told him to open an investment account and throw it in there because he and Robby could cover- huh.
“He- Robby doesn’t- he just wants to take care of me.” Dennis tried, he could feel the protest dying in his mouth but he hated seeing Trinity win so easily.
“Yeah.” Trinity said, giving him a deadpanned look of disbelief, like she couldn’t imagine how he was being this stupid. “Like a sugar daddy. With money.”
“And his dick.” Dennis knew it was a patheticly weak low blow, but what else did he have to fight back with at this point?
Robby couldn’t be his sugar daddy, could he? He liked buying things for Dennis, and both Jack and him seemed to get annoyed whenever Dennis tried to pay for something, but that didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t, right?
“Ew Dennis, do not bring up my boss’ dick in the sanctity of my apartment.”
Sure, it wasn't like Dennis tried very hard to pay for anything, but that was just because Robby liked to pay for things. And take care of him. Financially.
“God. Trinity, is he really my sugar daddy?” Dennis whispered out, pleading with her to say no.
Instead Trinity shot him a quick ‘I told you so’ look before switching her face back to deadpan and crossing her arms. How she managed to copy the Dana arm cross so well was a mystery, but Dennis was not a fan. He really didn’t need to be reminded of both of the women in his life who managed to always be right when it came to his two older men and him.
“What have you paid for in the past two months?” She knew the answer. Dennis knew she knew the answer. And god if he didn’t know the answer too.
“Fuck.”
In retrospect Dennis's first clue about Robby’s sugar daddy tendencies should have been when they went grocery shopping two days after Dennis had moved in. Well, in all honesty he probably should have started picking up on the signs when Robby asked him to move in in the first place. But Dennis had been desperate both for a place to stay and for Robby himself, so he could at least give himself a pass for not noticing that one. The grocery store was a pretty big hint though.
Their first night together Robby had made them pizza and promised to go to the store the next day. Unfortunately the next day brought with it another fourteen hour shift, and by the end of it they both agreed they were too tired to figure out groceries, half-heartedly committing to do that on their shared day off tomorrow. Instead they dedicated the night to discussing easy things like the limited Indian food options in Nebraska, music tastes, and how quickly Dennis could make Robby come just from sucking his dick. Together they had made the discovery that the answer was pretty fast given he begged a bit beforehand.
But the next morning brought them face to face with an almost bare fridge and Robby declared with a sullen expression that they did in fact have to spend their day off getting groceries.
Riding in Robby's pick up had quickly become a favorite pastime for Dennis. The man was a good driver all things considered, but he had a habit of trying to steal glances at Whitaker in such a way that made the younger man blush under the attention. In the back of his head Dennis could hear the whispering of his pastor's sermon about pride and coveting what you did not deserve, but he did his best to ignore the thoughts.
It felt almost unreal getting to be here with Robby. To share the same space in his car as they drove off to get groceries for the house they lived in together. So Dennis just tried his best to take it all in in case it wasn't meant to last. He had already taken so much, he couldn't complain too much if this got taken from him eventually.
He set himself to memorizing the way Robby’s forearm flexed as he put the car in park. Watching in awe as the man came around to help Dennis out of the truck he was well versed in climbing out of. And taking it all in as Robby muttered about an exceptionally warm fall as he unzipped his jacket. Truly it was unfair how enchanting the man was.
They walked shoulder to shoulder into the store and Dennis couldn’t hold back the laugh as Robby pulled out an actual grocery list and squinted at it for a few seconds. He could see the defeat in Robby’s eyes when he finally decided holding the list at different angles wasn’t effective and he had to put on his reading glasses. The glasses he swore up and down were only for screens and that he could see just fine without them.
Robby shot in a glare and Dennis could only give a half hearted shrug as an apology. The levity was honestly a bit of a blessing as they started to make their way into the start of the produce section.
Grocery stores had become a bit of a minefield for Dennis since medical school. Money was never great in college, but he had roommates, and a campus job he almost had time for. So trips to the store usually consisted of him adding up prices to see if he could afford cigarettes on top of food that week and staring longly at name brands. It wasn’t the most fun, but the people around him weren’t much better off so there was a shared misery there. But once he started med school the grocery store became one of his least favorite places. Ten to fifteen dollars could only be stretched so far, and the decision between ramen or spam for the rest of the month was much less fun than his college cigarette debates had been. His first grocery run after the pitt had weirdly reminded him of the ER in a twisted way. Working with too few resources and far too much at stake if he made a single mistake.
“Sorry kid, it’s a long list today.” Robby muttered, pulling Dennis out of his panic spiral for the moment. “It’s ah- it's been a while since I’ve gone.”
“Oh yeah of course, that’s no problem.” Dennis said stealing a quick glance at the Robby had been studying.
And what a list it was! It reminded Dennis slightly of the grocery lists his mother would bring along with her when she dragged the kids to the grocery store. There was no way Robby was just going to feed them with a list this long. Although it’s not like Dennis knew the man’s social life. He didn’t exactly picture the man having a rolodex of friends given how solitary he had been up to this point, but who was Dennis to say. Maybe he had people over for dinner or something, it wasn't like Dennis was in any position to judge.
“Is there anything specific you want?” Robby asked, grabbing a bag of apples and putting them in the cart.
“Me? O-oh uh, no.” Dennis said, caught off guard by the question.
“It’s your food too kid.” Robby said, leveling him with the same look he had been giving Dennis' whenever he started ‘acting too much like a guest’. It was a look Dennis was well used to at this point.
Dennis hadn’t ever really considered that Robby had wanted him to come along on this trip to give any sort of input. He hadn’t really thought about it more than the fact that Robby wanted to do something with him and that was enough to have him trailing after the man like a lost puppy.
“Right no, of course.” Dennis tried his best to give a normal answer. “I don’t know, I’m not too picky of an eater so.”
Dennis had plenty of opinions about food. None that he had gotten to think much about since starting medical school, but he had them nonetheless. Farm life had meant that you couldn’t be too choosy about food, and when the pastor’s wife made an ambrosia salad you just had to enjoy it no matter how much the texture made you want to throw up. But being willing to eat anything didn’t mean Dennis didn’t have thoughts about things.
But, as it always did, money was the deciding factor for everything. Dennis currently had eight dollars and twenty three cents to his name, not counting all the debt and everything. Even just the one bag of apples and the three tomatoes Robby had grabbed would have set him over his budget. So there was no way Dennis would be able to pay him back for everything on that list probably ever. Robby had been pretty insistent that anything in the fridge was free to grab and, as much as Dennis didn’t like the idea, he would be fine just living off of whatever Robby wanted to pick out. He would be more than fine really, it was more than he could have imagined a week ago. All of this was more than he would have ever imagined he could ever have. Dennis wasn’t about to be greedy enough to ask for choice with all of this abundance.
“Hmm okay.” Robby leveled him with a look that made Dennis freeze for a second. He had no idea how Robby could read him so well, but that type of look could only mean he hadn’t been a fan of what he was reading.
“Well just grab anything you see that looks good. If you have the mind for meal prepping go for it. I’ve never been very good at that.” Robby said, taking his gaze off of Dennis and instead started debating the addition of lettuce in the cart before setting it back down.
Meal prepping was a thing. It wasn’t a thing Dennis did, unless you counted trying to make eight packs of ramen last a week as meal prepping.
“I’m not either.” Dennis said with a chuckle. Oh, did Robby want him to start meal prepping for him? He could figure that out. “But uh- but I could be if that would be helpful.”
Luckily for him, and probably the well being of both of their digestive tracks, Robby just shook his head no and grabbed onto Dennis's shoulder with a heavy hand. Dennis would never get used to how much Robby liked to touch him, but he loved it all the same.
“No need, frozen food and pasta has gotten me this far.” Robby massaged the back of his neck for just a second, smiling as Dennis all but melted into his touch. “Although I’ll have to make sure you eat better than that.”
Dennis probably should have said something after that, but it just felt so nice to have Robby’s hand on him. And then they left the produce section and Robby started looking at nuts and grains and suddenly Dennis was very distracted with the way Robby’s hands dwarfed a bag of millet.
Dennis couldn’t help the creep of anxiety as he saw the number of items already in the cart two sections in. Robby had said it was going to be a larger than normal trip, so Dennis was expecting a heavier load. But already the cart was starting to fill and they had the entire rest of the store to go. God, Dennis really hoped that Robby had no expectations for Dennis to pay any of this back anytime soon. Even if Robby did want him to help pitch in a bit he knew the man was nice enough to not push him for the money anytime soon. But Dennis really didn’t have any interest in growing his debts, even if he was very thankful.
They walked down the aisles in relative quiet, while Dennis tried not to worry too much as Robby kept adding more and more items to the cart. It wasn’t until they made it to the meat and Robby was looking over different cuts of chicken did he decide to break their silence.
“Fuck.” Robby bit out, startling Dennis while he was trying not to look too hard at the prices of chicken in the city. “I probably should have asked this before, but do you have any allergies? Any food you can’t eat?”
“Uh? Oh no, not really?” Dennis tried his best to not sound so unsure of his response, but he really just wanted to skip the topic entirely.
Thankfully he didn’t have any real allergies, that would have certainly caused problems. There were just things he would rather not eat due to the effect they had on his body. But Robby was already being so nice, the last thing Dennis wanted to do was limit what the man ate in his own home.
“Not really?” Robby gave him a judgemental eyebrow raise and Dennis knew he wasn’t getting away with that.
“oh, I mean it’s no big deal.” Dennis started, trying his best to look really busy with the chicken. “I just don’t do great with some fish. Maybe just salmon? But it’s not like an allergy or anything, you don’t have to worry about it.”
Dennis tried his best to sugar coat it as much as possible because he could eat most fish and only feel a bit of a stomach ache. And if salmon just so happened to make his throat get all tingley and feel like it was going it close that was fine, he could handle it. It never did close and the fish usually tasted good enough that he could power through a meal. His mom always made it as a treat and it wasn't like Dennis could ever turn that down or expect her to change for him. So he had simply gotten good at dealing with it. And if he was willing to deal with it for a woman he barely liked, he was more than willing to deal with it for Robby.
Robby who was looking at him like he had managed to somehow fuck up an straight line suture, and that couldn’t be great. Dennis tried to give him an offhanded shrug, but all did was make the man shake his head.
Dennis was ready to start with another round of explanations about how minor his little fish thing was when Robby put both of his hands on Dennis’ shoulders and suddenly all thought was out the window again. Dennis wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to how casually Robby liked to touch him. It was jarring, but not bad in any way, just unexpected. Dennis was doing his best to try and return the affection, but Robby was just so ephemeral it almost felt wrong to be the one to initiate it.
“Kid, trust me, I think we can accommodate a fish allergy.” Robby said with that soft smile Dennis had so quickly fallen in love with.
“It’s not like an actual allergy.” Dennis tried again. God he just didn’t want to be a burden. “I just get a stomach ache and my throat gets a bit tight. It’s not a big deal.”
And of course Robby just shook his head and let his fingers trail over Dennis’ collar bones like it was easy.
“That sounds like plenty of reason not to buy fish then. I wasn’t planning on getting it anyways.”
“Oh uh, that’s good then.” Dennis responded.
And that did help a bit. There was no way Dennis would ever feel good about crossing an entire food category off of Robby’s future grocery lists, but at least he wasn’t crossing anything off of this one.
He tried not to mourn the loss of Robby’s hands too much. But it was quickly replaced with a spark of pride when Robby grabbed the chicken Dennis had been inadvertently fiddling with throughout their conversation. It was nice to know Robby’s tastes lined up with his even just that little bit.
They continued making their way down the meat section and slowly into the bakery section. Robby did seem a bit selective about his meat which surprised Dennis a bit. The man just seemed to have such a nonchalant energy about his own well being it was a bit nice to see him take his time trying to decide which beef cut was best. The price of any of the beef cuts he considered almost made Dennis want to gag, but he supposed meat was just generally more expensive when not mashed together into a fine paste.
It was only when they firmly made it to the bakery section and Robby was sussing out all of the expensive breads Dennis didn’t think people actually bought did it occur to Dennis that he didn’t know what Robby could eat. Obviously the man had no issue with dairy if the number of frozen pizzas in his fridge was any indication. But Dennis didn’t know much more than that and it felt weird to admit that.
They had certainly skipped some steps in the normal relationship process. And while Dennis was more than thrilled to be living with Robby and getting to appreciate his attention every day, it did feel a bit weird to share a bed with a man he didn’t really know much about. He knew about all the important things of course, he knew Robby was sweet, and kind, and patient with everyone but himself. But he had no idea if the man was close with his family, or still had any left, if he had always lived in Pittsburgh or if that was new, and what he liked to eat.
“What about you?” Dennis asked, only realizing after the question was in the open how out of nowhere it would be for Robby.
“Hmm?” The man asked, still debating between breads.
“Is there anything you can’t eat?”
Robby apparently came to a bread decision and held it up to Dennis like he would have the right to have any opinion on it. He nodded anyway though just so Robby would give him a smile and then they were off to dairy.
“Well, I try to stay kosher, but I don’t try very hard.” Robby said, adding some sort of fancy organic butter to the cart. “Just do my best to avoid the big things. But if you want to run back and grab some pork I won’t be offended or anything.”
“Oh no, that’s okay!” Dennis said a little too abruptly.
Dennis quickly found himself trying to pull any memories he had from the two World Religions classes he had had to take as a part of his seminary program. He vaguely knew what foods weren’t kosher. Probably. It had definitely been on a quiz once and Dennis thought he had maybe gotten that question right. God, there was just so much he didn't know.
“So, no pork or shellfish?” Dennis didn’t love admitting just how much he didn't know about Judaism, but he hated the idea of getting something important wrong even more.
“Yeah, it cuts out a lot of seafood actually.” Robby said off handedly, holding a cheese up for Dennis to review and shooting him a smile when he nodded along. “I don’t follow the dairy and meat thing too closely though. Only if it’s convenient. I’m sure that makes me a bad Jew but-”
Robby ended his sentence with a half hearted shrug as he leaned over and pushed the cart. And truly it wasn’t fair just how hot the man could look doing simple every day tasks like pushing a cart or crossing things off of a grocery list. Dennis could feel himself getting more and more anxious as Robby added more items to the cart, but maybe it was worth it if it meant he got to see Robby manage to look so hot, well being so normal. Maybe. The pit in his stomach grew a bit with each added item in a way he was sure would boil over eventually.
“The dairy and meat thing?” Dennis asked, honestly just needing to ask anything as he happened to catch the price of eggs just as Robby carefully loaded a dozen into the cart.
“Yeah uh, not cooking or consuming dairy and meat together.” Robby said, leading them down another cold isle and making a beeline to the frozen veggies which were, thankfully, less expensive. “I thought you majored in religious studies before medicine.”
“Ah no, only one religion.” Dennis admitted sheepishly.
It wasn’t like he tried too hard to hide his more religious background. He had tried that enough in college and it had gotten him nowhere. But that didn’t mean that he particularly enjoyed talking about it. Because a question on his background could quickly become a question on his beliefs, and Dennis had very happily spent the last few years thinking about that as little as possible.
More bags of frozen veggies were thrown into the cart than Dennis thought was necessary before Robby navigated them out of the frozen section. Though Dennis couldn’t help but linger a bit on a tub of ice cream he used to get in college when the money would allow for it. Or when he was sad enough to forget about the money for long enough to make a stupide decision. Logically he knew that after rotations, and graduation, and probably residency too, he wouldn’t have to be so tight with money anymore. He would probably only start to see the light at the end of his debt tunnel when he was around Robby’s age, but before that money wouldn’t be so tight. Eventually he could do something stupid again like buy ice cream he didn’t need or get his lunch from a store instead of swiping a sandwich off of the hospital cart. But that was a ways away.
He was half tempted to go and throw it in the cart. But there was no way he could justify the six dollars for ice cream. Besides Robby was already being more than kind to him and he really needed to focus on what he was already being given.
And just like that they were suddenly in a warmer aisle and Robby was talking about something that Dennis only half heard.
“Huh, well that explains why you didn’t recognize the Shema.” Robby half muttered, crossing something else off the list.
“What?” Dennis tried his best to keep up with the conversation, but there were some fruit snacks that suddenly looked all too good.
God, this was exactly why Dennis liked to avoid the grocery store. Too much temptation. At least at the Family Dollar he normally went to Dennis knew he could afford to get a few things. Why did Robby have to be a fancy doctor with money to spend on food?
“It’s not important.” Robby said, waving a lazy hand between them and checking another item off of the list. Dennis wasn’t even sure what he had gotten but he knew he sure as hell didn’t want to look at the cart again.
“You know you can put items in the cart too, right kid?” Robby asked as he went to start pushing the cart again.
Only Dennis didn’t answer fast enough, too caught up on doing the math of if he could justify getting a pack of granola bars, and suddenly Robby had stopped moving and was looking at only him.
“Oh, uh yeah, of course.” Dennis knew his answer was half assed at best, but it was the best he could manage.
Of course he could put the box of granola bars in the cart. It was only seven dollars. Only most of his money, but he could technically afford it. And then he could have a granola bar a day while he was working and he could make that stretch almost two weeks if he played his cards right. And by then his stipend would have kicked in and he could maybe afford another box. So long as absolutely no new expenses came up and Robby continued to not expect him to pay for food right away. Which wasn’t a given. So it was probably best to save the seven dollars, despite how much Dennis hated that answer.
“Dennis I'm serious,” Robby said, putting a hand on the man’s wrist and grabbing his attention with the connection. “I didn’t invite you to live with me just to feel like a guest.”
“Yeah I-I know.”
And the worst part was that Dennis did get it. Robby had shown him pretty early on that if they were to try this relationship thing he wanted Dennis to be there. He had moved Dennis’ tooth brush into his adjoining bathroom, and even cleared out a space in his closet for Dennis’ clothes. And Dennis couldn’t miss the way Robby seemed to light up when he saw Dennis’ few possessions taking up the spaces between the older man’s own.
So he understood where the man was coming from. He knew it would make Robby happy to see Dennis’ snacks in his pantry along with his own. Dennis could almost perfectly imagine the little smile Robby would get if he ever came across Dennis’ leftovers in the fridge, or the brand of bag popcorn that Dennis had been addicted to in college in the pantry. Because Robby was just the kind of person that liked sharing his things with others when he could because he was just kind like that. And Dennis wanted to give that to him so badly, but god he really couldn’t justify the cost.
“I’m just- I’m fine with whatever. Really.” Dennis knew Robby wouldn’t believe it for a second, but it was the most he could give.
“Kid.” Robby leveled him with the kind of serious look he hadn’t seen since the man found out he was homeless in the first place.
And Dennis also really needed to learn to start thinking before he spoke around Robby. It was what had gotten them in this relationship in the first place. But when Robby looked at him a certain way Dennis just found it impossible to keep anything from the man. And suddenly everything he really should have kept in his head and not burdened Robby with was pouring out.
“I just- I can’t really pay you back for any of this.” Dennis whispered out. There was no one in the aisle with them, but the idea that anyone, even Robby could hear him was mortifying. “And I don’t want to be more of a burden or anything.”
Dennis couldn’t bear to look at Robby once he had finished. The stab of shame and guilt was just too much and he just knew that if he happened to make eye contact with the man that would be more than enough to start the tears. It was just so hard not to feel like a hopeless failure every time he brought up his financial struggles. It’s not like he was the only med student on rotations struggling with too much work for no pay. And yet no one else seemed to be counting pennies like gold or spending days worrying about how they would talk their way into crashing on someone else’s couch. So if it was just an issue for Dennis then it was an issue because of Dennis. Somehow he had failed whatever financial literacy class everyone else had excelled at.
“Oh kid.” Robby whispered out in a way that made Dennis feel far too raw.
He almost flinched away as Robby went to grab his shoulders, but held himself back at the last second. The touch was nice even if it was too much. The sympathy of it all was just too much. Whatever Dennis did wrong to not have any money was his problem and his alone. He had been dealing with it and he felt terrible at the idea that he may be burdening Robby with any of it.
“No it’s fine!” Dennis said a bit too fast, trying to make it all better again. “Really it’s okay, it’s not a problem or anything.”
Dennis would have been very happy just looking at the floor and pretending this whole thing never happened in the first place. But then Robby was moving one his hands to gently cup Dennis’ face, pulling the younger man just a bit closer and Dennis knew he was powerless to resist.
It was hard to look the man in the eyes, but Dennis knew it was what Robby wanted, so he tried. The man just looked so sad, so disappointed, and Dennis desperately hoped he hadn’t managed to let the man down. Although he was sure that somehow he had managed to mess this up.
“No- baby listen to me.” Robby started, clearing his voice twice to buy a few extra seconds. “You don’t owe me anything, you know that right? You aren’t doing this because you think you need to return a favor or something.”
And Dennis was amazed by Robby’s ability to immediately jump to the worst conclusions, though he couldn’t really blame the man. Because yeah, in context it probably didn’t seem great to Robby that Dennis was so dependent on him for everything and really couldn’t provide for anything on his own. And Dennis did want to pay him back, he desperately wanted to pay him back. But it’s not like a relationship with Dennis was a good trade for the first stable housing and person he had had in years. No, if Dennis was to pay Robby back, taking the man’s cock and holding his hand in a grocery store was not the way to do it. Hell, he probably owed Robby for that too as Dennis was certainly coming out ahead once again.
“No no! Never!” Dennis shook his head “I know I don’t have to pay you back, really I know that. But- I don’t know. It just feels wrong to be taking so much.”
It was quiet admission, and if Dennis was being honest it was probably one that had been coming for a while. Because he had just taken so much already and Robby could say it was fine all he wanted but it wasn’t. Dennis knew he was taking so much from Robby and he was afraid he would lose the man once he realized it.
Dennis only realized he had started looking down again when he heard Robby give a watery chuckle. Looking up Dennis realized the man was in fact holding back tears as he tried his best to smile and shake his head in disbelief. God, why did Dennis have to fuck up everything he touched? It just wasn’t fair. He went to say something but Robby quickly cut him off with a look.
“Kid.” Roddy said it like a sight and ran his hand over his face, trying his best to shake his head through the action. “You have no idea how much you’re giving me.”
“I’m really not.”
Because how could he be? Robby was literally giving him a home and the first loving relationship he had had with anyone in years. Maybe ever if Dennis could bear to think back that far.
“No kid, you are. More than you know” Robby moved his hold on Dennis' head a bit to run a rough thumb over Dennis' cheek and there was no way Dennis wasn’t going to melt into the touch. “Please just believe that.”
And he couldn’t. And he was sure Robby knew that he couldn’t if the pitying look the man was still giving him was any indication. Because there was no way he was just okay with constantly giving Dennis' more and the only thing he got out of it was Dennis’ presence. But if it meant Robby wouldn’t be wanting any payment back for groceries at least then he could do that.
“I- okay. I’ll try.” Dennis managed to get out.
Robby shook his head for a bit longer before using his hand to guide Dennis’ lips to his own. Dennis jumped a bit when their lips touched and it took him a minute to remember that they could in fact be a couple in public, just not in the public of the hospital.
After the initial spark of fear Dennis let himself melt into the kiss. It shouldn’t have been as good of a kiss as it was. It wasn’t passionate or deep, more of a peck that Robby held for longer than expected. And yet there was something so special about it. Maybe it was because it was first time they had kissed outside of the house. Or maybe it was because Dennis felt like he was giving Robby something back with the kiss, even if it wasn’t nearly enough. But either way Dennis let himself be taken in by the feeling.
When they finally pulled apart Dennis had to remind himself briefly that they were still in fact in the grocery store with a cart full of items. And apparently an older lady who had probably seen them kiss and was now trying to make her away out of the aisle as fast as possible. Dennis almost felt like apologizing to her.
“Good.” Robby said, his mouth far too close to Dennis’ own to be considered appropriate public behavior. “Besides, even if you weren’t giving anything, I am the senior attending of an ED; money isn't the most pressing issue in my life right now. Just- let me spend some on you, okay?”
And Dennis couldn’t even begin to think about money not being the biggest issue. That was a thought for another time because Dennis couldn’t even start to think about that being a possible reality right now.
The idea that Robby wanted to spend money on him was already a loaded enough topic for him to try to deal with on his own. Wracking his brain he couldn’t think of a reason anyone would want to spend money on him. His parents had always complained that four mouths were too many to feed and no one in his, albeit loose, friend group in college had ever seemed excited to pay for him ever. Money was never something to be wasted, especially not on him.
But despite how many times Dennis looked into Robby’s eyes searching for a lie he couldn’t find any hint of deception. It didn’t make any sense to Dennis. None at all. But if he really wanted to pay for Dennis’ food, Dennis would try to give that to him now and think about it later. Maybe it would make more sense later.
“I just don’t want to be a burden.” Dennis tried one more time, giving Robby one last out if he needed it.
“Let me take care of you right now, okay? For me?”
And Dennis could never tell him no when he gave Dennis a look like that. A pleading look so filled with love and hope all Dennis could do was slowly nod his head in agreement.
If Robby seemed to get something out of paying for Dennis then Dennis would let him. He had no idea what the man could be getting out of it, but he would gladly let him take.
“Yeah I- okay.” Dennis finally said.
Robby kissed him one more time before he seemed to finally accept Dennis’ agreement as the most he would get out of the man. Robby gave him one last pat on the arm before he pulled away to a more respectable distance and gestured back to the cart.
“So uh- is it okay if I get some of those granola bars or-” Dennis trailed off. Even just asking the question felt horrible.
But then Robby’s whole face lit up at the question and before Dennis could even react the man was grabbing two boxes of the bars in question and putting them into the cart. Dennis was still trying to get over the two boxes thing, which was way too many, when Robby gave him one more quick peck.
“Dennis you don’t have to ask my permission, just get what you want.”
“Right. Okay.” Dennis nodded along.
Robby took his agreement for what it was and started pushing the cart down the aisle once more, shooting an expectant glance at Dennis ever so often.
“So, what else do you want besides granola bars? Because you’re not getting away with just that.” Robby asked after they made it halfway down the aisle without Dennis grabbing anything else.
As far as Dennis was concerned two boxes of granola bars that would more than wipe out all the money to Dennis’ name was more than enough. But apparently Robby didn’t. And Dennis knew he wouldn’t stop shooting him glances over the top of his glasses until he got more out of Dennis.
“Hmm, cocoa?” Dennis offered.
There wasn’t much thought into the suggestion. It was just the first thing he saw that he happened to want. Cocoa and coffee had been a quick and cheap treat during his first year of med school and he wouldn't say no to having it again.
“Put it in.” Robby said, giving him the warmest smile. There was clearly a bit of a show to it, like Robby was afraid he would scare Dennis off if he showed even the slightest dip in his mood. It made Dennis just a bit uneasy but clearly the man wasn’t unhappy with the action so that was something.
“I just sometimes like it in my coffee.” Dennis felt like he had to back up his decision somehow since it absolutely wasn’t something he wouldn’t normally spend resources on.
“Fuck that sounds disgusting sweet,” The little fake shiver Robby did managed to pull a chuckle from Dennis and made the younger man think back to the morning before when he had asked Robby for sugar for coffee and the older man looked at him like he was insane. “But please get it. And more. Please get more.”
“I don’t need a lot.” Dennis said quietly.
But he put the cocoa in the cart all the same and couldn’t quite shake the spark of joy at getting to have his homemade mocha concoction after a hard day again. It was something he had craved and while the beer had been nice, he had found himself missing the drink after PitFest.
Robby pushed the cart into the next aisle and Dennis thought for a second that maybe he could get away with not adding anything else to the cart for a bit. But then Robby stopped them with a deep sigh and turned to look at Dennis, weight on his shoulders and the promise of another heavy conversation on his tongue.
Dennis stopped alongside him instinctively and wasn’t at all surprised when Robby once again placed a hand on him. This time grabbing Dennis’ wrist and massaging the tendons there until Dennis looked into his eyes once more. A part of Dennis couldn’t help but wonder how many hearts to hearts they could have in one grocery store trip. It was going to give him a whole new reason to fear grocery stores if Robby kept this up.
“I need you to need a lot.” Robby said, chewing the words over a bit. The slight grimace made it clear that that wasn’t exactly what Robby had wanted to say. But it looked like all he could manage right now.
“Are you sure?” Dennis had to ask.
“Hmm. I’ve never been more sure.” Robby brought Dennis’ hand up to his mouth and gave it a quick kiss, the kind that made Dennis blush far too easily. “Let me take care of you.”
Something seemed to click for Dennis. It didn’t make sense to him that Robby was so willing to spend money on him. That he didn’t think twice before offering the younger man a room in his house and everything that came with that free of charge. It wasn’t the kind of kindness Dennis was used to and he wasn’t sure how to take it all in. It wasn’t something he could understand.
But he could understand needing to take care of someone. When Dennis had first seen Robby in peds he immediately felt the unwavering need to take care of him, to lessen the load just long enough that Robby could get his head above water. When he saw him breaking down in the closet after the first time they fucked Dennis needed to help him through it, lift the pain just long enough that Robby could smile again. Every time he looked at Robby he felt the undying urge to take care of him. To make sure each day was just slightly better than the last, even in just some small way. He supposed it was love. It was the raw unadulterated need to make things better for the person who made him feel so happy.
If Dennis could show his love through every understanding smile and kind word then maybe he could let Robby show his love through providing things like groceries and warm sheets. Dennis didn't, and maybe couldn’t, understand what he did to deserve this. But if Robby could learn to let Dennis love him, maybe Dennis could let the older man do this.
“With cocoa and granola?” Dennis asked, knowing it wasn’t the truth but offering Robby an easy out if he wanted it. Which the man surprisingly didn’t take.
“No, with so much more than that.” Robby pulled him into another kiss and Dennis happily let him, reveling in the connection that spoke louder than the words sometimes could.
“Now please help me fill up this cart before I start guessing what you want.” Robby said with a pouty huff and he gestured to the cans lining the aisle.
It wasn’t the last conversation they would have about this, and it wasn’t enough to fully do away with the fear gnawing away at Dennis every time he looked at the cart. But it was a start. All of this was a start for the two of them, and if Robby was willing to deal with Dennis’ grocery related panic then Dennis figured he could learn to swallow his fears just long enough to make Robby smile.
“I mean how bad could you possibly do?” Dennis joked, pulling them into an easier rhythm once again.
“I don’t know, have you ever had ox tongue?” Robby said pointing at a small can in the center of the isle with a cartoon ox head. “It comes in a can now apparently.”
Dennis almost sputtered when he saw it. Cow, or he supposed ox this time, tongue wasn’t the worst thing in the world. When sold by a butcher. And braised by Dennis’ grandma, and only his grandma, for six to seven hours. And covered in a garlic and red wine sauce over mashed potatoes. Not when served in a can. Who would even think to put that in a can?
“Yeah okay so that’s actually much worse than I expected.” Dennis gave Robby a mock slap to the arm and received a similar slap to the back of the head and a warm smile for his troubles. “It’s literally right next to canned yams and spam, and you go for tongue?”
“I mean I can keep guessing if you want.” Robby said with a shrug.
The man even had the gall to reach comically slow for the tongue and Dennis didn’t miss a beat slapping his hand away. Instead Dennis made his own joking run at the spam and couldn’t contain his laughter when Robby looked at him with a horrified expression before schooling it again and pretending the mashed up pork adjacent meat was a fine pick.
Dennis just laughed as he set the can back down and offered Robby a quick peck as an apology. One which Robby quickly accepted.
“Yeah no. I’m not putting myself through that misery.” Dennis said, giving his best deadpan before cracking another smile.
“So you’ll pick out some food?” Robby said all too hopefully.
And god the man looked so happy at the idea. Who was Dennis to say no and ruin that?
“If it keeps you from getting canned tongue? Yes.”
“Good boy.”
The rest of the grocery trip went by relatively uneventfully. Dennis hesitantly added a few more items like the name brand peanut butter he hadn’t had since he was a kid, and the mac and cheese cups he had lived off of during his first year of college. Every time he looked back to Robby to make sure it was still okay, and every time Robby offered another horrible suggestion if Dennis didn’t get the item he was hovering his hand over.
Dennis tried to act as normal as possible as they made their way over to the check out. But apparently he didn’t completely manage it as Robby handed the man twenty dollars, and wasn’t that a feeling, and directed him to get both of them a coffee at the attached coffee shop while Robby finished checking out. Dennis had to ask him a few times if he was sure, but each time he asked Robby insisted Dennis get himself a larger cup of coffee just for asking, and Dennis quickly fled the situation before Robby invented something larger than a large.
He never saw the total for their grocery visit, and he wouldn’t see the total for any grocery bills for the next few months. Instead he handed Robby his large light roast coffee and quickly started drinking his own small mocha, pretending he had suddenly gone deaf when Robby started pestering him on why he hadn’t gotten himself a large like instructed.
Their next few grocery runs were much the same. Dennis would hesitantly add an item and look to Robby expectantly. Waiting for him to finally say no, but never getting anything other than a quick smile or a threat to add canned chicken instead if Dennis didn’t get whatever thing he wanted. Soon what was nervous became almost familiar and comforting, until Dennis finally got the courage to ask Robby if it was okay if he made them one of his grandma’s homemade recipes for dinner.
Dennis had expected more resistance, and produced his own when Robby happily agreed. But eventually Robby managed to convince him to make them dinner, encouraged it actually. And soon Dennis was nervously being driven to the grocery store with his grandmother’s recipe, posted to facebook by his mother soon after his grandma had passed, carefully screenshotted a few times on his phone. Dennis cursed the whole idea the second they started shopping, suddenly acutely aware of just how expensive beef stakes and buttermilk were. But Robby threatened to try to make the recipe himself if Dennis didn’t get the ingredients needed, and that was threat enough to keep Dennis going.
The bill had been disgustingly high and had Dennis gagging in his mouth. It was actually the first grocery receipt Dennis had ever gotten to see while shopping with Robby. But then Robby paid it without a second thought and Dennis decided to do his best not to think about it.
Dennis had never worked so hard on a dinner, double checking every cut and measurement before adding them to the dish. But soon enough the kitchen started smelling almost reminiscent of how Dennis’ grandma’s did when she knew she had guests coming over, and Dennis let himself get lost in the process. Refusing to think about how much each ingredient cost well he added them to the pan.
Nervously Dennis served up their food and tried the gravy for the hundredth time, making sure it really was ready. He was glad he had spent so long working on steddying his hands for medical purposes, because it was the only thing that kept his hands from trembling as he served Robby the chicken fried steak. He was terrified of making it badly, of messing up all the ingredients Robby had bought him without a second glance. And then the man tried a bite, and then he smiled, and then Dennis felt like the stupidest man on earth.
Because it didn’t matter if the food tasted good, Dennis probably could have burnt the whole thing and Robby still would have beamed at him. Because Robby had gotten to take care of Dennis, and in turn Dennis had gotten to take care of him. And that was enough.