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Taemin never felt safer anywhere than being in the arms of the Lord. He always welcomed Taemin in His home, His Words, His Presence. Taemin had never met a mortal who made him feel the same way he felt towards His Guider, even though He had guided Taemin towards some questionable situations. Like the time Taemin went to this bar, met a guy who was on a road trip, and gave him the most (and only) soul-sucking blowjob in the single stall bathroom. But Taemin, being so used to being on his knees, didn’t mind. The Lord knew his intentions.
Taemin felt lonely these days. His so-called friends wouldn’t keep him up to date with events, but it seemed like everyone knew what was going on. He’s grown tired of it and stopped talking to them collectively. He was stuck sitting at his wooden desk, a white candle lit next to him. He’d been staring at his journal for …
“Let’s see.” Taemin picked up his phone. It read 1:34 AM. Taemin silently thanked God it was the weekend, and he had no work. Taemin remained in his seat, thinking of what to do on the Sabbath. Grocery shopping … Bookstore … Pet store? Ah, lastly, Mass.
‘Maybe that’s the solution to my problem.’ Taemin thought. He hadn’t visited the church in a while. Whenever he was in moods like this, he’d find comfort in the frankincense and bitter grape juice he would sneak in his pockets, and suddenly he’d be Taemin again. His energy came from the thick leather cover on the Bibles and the tiny prayer cards he kept in his wallet. They come in use when he’s bored on the train and starts getting that strange wave of anxiety, as if someone is watching him. Maybe he did need to pray.
Taemin stood up from his desk, pushing himself out and walking towards the front door. He slipped into his wool coat and brown penny loafers. He was immediately greeted by the harsh, cold winds, making him step back into his home and reach for a scarf. He couldn’t afford to get sick around this time.
During his walk, part of Taemin wished he could’ve just slept and waited until the morning. He was craving hot cocoa, but he was too far to go back home, and too happy because he wanted to be in a new environment. Sometimes he got tired of home. The same walls, now slightly darker from his cigarettes and incense. Also, his cats were all sleeping, and he didn’t want to bother them. So, midnight church service it was.
Taemin finally revisited his human body as he was greeted by the doors of the temple. The left door was ajar, next to it was the sign ‘Welcomes everyone. 24 hours.’ This is why he loved churches so much. Such amazing people. Sometimes.
His legs moved up the stairs, his arm reached out of his pockets, and opened the door further. The entrance was dark, the only source of light coming from the altar where the priest would stand. Taemin tiptoed inside, walking towards the long middle aisle, looking at the empty rows of pews. He chose the third pew in the front, where he could easily face the large Jesus statue. His eyes burned holes into Taemin’s body. His lifeless, unmoving eyes. Obviously, he’s a statue. But Taemin wanted some sign that a divine presence was here with him. What was he without Him? It was his body, mind, thoughts, and secrets. Without Him, he felt clueless and unproductive. His life would lose its meaning.
Taemin’s inner monologue was interrupted by a deep ‘Hello.’ Taemin embarrassingly jumped in his seat, searching around for the source of his disruption. He heard a laugh and was faced by an average height man with deep brown hair. He wore a grey wool sweater under a white shirt that was peeking out, and deep blue jeans. Taemin laughed nervously when he realized who was speaking to him.
“Hi. Sorry if I’m disturbing you, in some way.” Taemin shifted in his seat nervously, now sitting on the edge of his seat.
The man shook his head, reassuring him. “No no, you’re absolutely fine. May I sit here with you?”
Taemin nodded, moving to the right to make more room. He sat down, looking forward in the direction of the statue. He wore a small smile, only to be noticed by Taemin as he bore eyes into this random person.
“Oh, uh—what’s your name?” Taemin asked.
The guy looked at Taemin with an unreadable expression. “Jinki, and you?”
“Taemin.”
“Ah... and what made you come here so late? What is it, 2 AM?” Jinki teased Taemin. Taemin chuckled, subconsciously patting his pockets for his phone. At that moment, he realized he had forgotten his phone.
“I just needed a change in scenery. And I’ve been in my head all week. Only He can fix that.”
Jinki nodded in agreement. “He can help you with anything. Mind telling me what’s in your mind?”
Taemin looked over at this Jinki person. He was now fully facing towards Taemin, still wearing that stupid, and oddly enough, attractive smile.
“It’s kind of pathetic. My friends and I were close, we used to have plans every week. Lately, it’s been kind of, different. And, it’s not like they’re busy. They hang out with each other. Just without me. Other than that, it’s just been work and the feeling someone’s watching me.”
“Watching you? Hm. That is strange. I can’t say much about the friend's situation. I do hope you either talk with them, or the Lord will guide you to someone that will fully appreciate your presence. You seem kind, Taemin. You have your head on straight since you’ve decided to come here for guidance. Your situation isn’t pathetic, you just need closure. You’re just scared of what other people may do or think.”
Taemin sat there for a minute in silence, trying to process what had just been said to him. It wasn’t special, probably something he’d hear his therapist say. But, he got that weird fuzzy tummy feeling. That feeling when mass starts. The feeling he gets when he reads a verse that he loves and relates to, and damn near cries every time because the Lord understands him so, so much.
Taemin bit his lip, staring at Jinki. Jinki stared back, smiling. How the fuck is he still smiling with a crying man in front of him?
“Thank you. That was... insignificant, but I just wanted to be heard by someone.”
“Of course. You’re always heard, but if you need someone physical, I’m always here.”
Taemin bit his cheek, trying to stop himself from saying whatever he would say next. Failure rose upon him. “I think that’s what I’m missing. I always need someone physical. I’m just scared. I enjoy the feeling I get from the Lord, but I want it… at all times.”
Jinki placed his back on the pew. “Can you recall the last time someone gave you that feeling?”
“Right now. You.”
Jinki placed his left hand on Taemin’s thigh. Taemin didn’t move, but he didn’t feel nervous or tense. Jinki leaned in closer to Taemin’s bubble, getting close to his ear. Taemin also noticed the thin silver ring on his ring finger.
“Describe this feeling, Taemin.”
Taemin’s breath caught in his throat. Tears swelled in his eyes, his hands firmly placed on the pew. It left a sticky residue. He tried focusing on his mouth, his words. He suddenly remembered how his mother would always tell him to speak up. The pains of the belts and thick sticks that he had to pick out for his punishments. Jinki was too overwhelming, but he made Taemin feel so good.
“Taemin. The Lord doesn’t rely on thoughts. He wants you to speak. Tell me how he makes you feel. Tell me how I make you feel.”
“He makes me feel like I have a sense of stability.” Taemin finally stated. “He has the right words every time for me. They control what I feel and the things I’d do for Him and that day. Always. You had the words for me, and I... uhm, I’m sorry.”
Taemin’s tears were finally falling. His hands released themselves from the pew and onto his lap. As a grown man, Taemin felt embarrassed for being so easily moved by childish words. I mean, this was probably his job. To fuel his embarrassment, as he looked down, he noticed the deep blue didn’t hide the boner that had made itself present. Taemin silently prayed Jinki wasn't looking too hard.
Jinki took his hand off Taemin’s thigh. He softly wiped the last tears he could catch. Taemin felt the soft breath from Jinki, steady and calm. A perfect balance with his chaotic, rigid state.
“Don’t be sorry, Taemin. You’ve done no wrong. You did great. You did exactly what God has asked you to do, and you’ll be rewarded for it.”
Jinki’s hands still lingered on Taemin’s body. Taemin felt a rush of relief, as if he was in the arms of God himself.
Well, Taemin had officially considered Jinki, God. It was He who listened to the whorish whispers and thoughts in the middle of a chapel. Jinki was the one watching over him, waiting for a moment to finally unpeel Taemin and relish on his flesh and organs. And Taemin would allow him to. He was only for Jinki tonight.
Jinki's hands lowered themselves to Taemin’s jeans. “May I start? Tell me when you’re uncomfortable.”
Taemin nodded. “Yes. Yes, I will.” Taemin wasn’t exactly sure what he responded to, but all he knew was he needed Jinki and whatever he planned on doing to him.
“Good.” Jinki started to unbutton Taemin’s jeans. Taemin, with his eyes closed and mouth slightly open and dry, lifted his hips as Jinki slipped his boxers over his thighs. Taemin gasped as the cold air touched his tip. Jinki found himself on Taemin’s face once again, touching his plump and red lips in curiosity and admiration.
“My God, I’ve been avoiding saying this, but you’re beautiful.” He said, his thumb pressing against Taemin’s lips. His saliva collects under his thumb. “Suck.” Jinki reached his fingers inside Taemin’s mouth, forcing them to open. Taemin flattened his tongue, taking in Jinki’s fingers with ease. He let his DNA pool up before moving his tongue between his fingers.
Jinki groaned beside him. “What a beautiful servant you are, Taemin.”
Taemin’s dick shifted against his stomach, showing his clear enjoyment of that statement. Jinki chuckled before he pulled out his fingers. Taemin whined, before reminding himself there were greater things to come than just sucking on fingers.
Jinki cared for him. Touched him as if he were made of glass, or he were a specially made statue of a muse. Jinki wrapped one arm around Taemin’s waist, the other slipping below Taemin and circling his rim. Taemin couldn’t catch on to what Jinki was telling him. Whatever it was, Jinki knew and remembered. He could rely on Jinki. Just like he could rely on the Lord. He didn’t feel like a disappointment or a waste when he moaned and cried into Jinki’s arms. The feeling of Jinki’s thick fingers being able to slide inside him, only with a slight pain, made him care less about his surroundings. He recited a prayer in his head. Who was there to thank for giving him such an amazing opportunity?
Taemin’s hand squeezed his dick, almost a punishment to himself for enjoying this so much. He forgot where he was, or at least didn’t care. God knew his and Jinki’s intentions. It was a gift.
“Taemin. From now on, you come to me everyday. Or, I will. Do you want me to tell you exactly what to do? I can always do that. I can be your guide.”
Taemin cried. Pleaded. “Ye..yes.” Taemin swallowed his saliva.
“Good. Thank you. Than.. thank you for visiting me.” Jinki kissed the side of Taemin’s neck, followed by kissing down to his collarbone. Taemin gripped onto his sweater, and with a loud cry, he came. His translucent fluid landed on his shirt and Jinki. He desperately tried to find a way to breathe again, but failed to and shortly went straight into panic mode.
Jinki held Taemin’s hand, kissing the inside of his palm and fingertips. “Focus. Tell me where you are.”
Taemin looked down at Jinki’s acts. “Chu..church.”
“Good, my servant. How do you feel?”
Taemin stared into Jinki’s eyes. He sat in silence, watching as Jinki patiently waited. He waited until Taemin answered. He didn’t rush. “I feel.. better. Relaxed.”
Jinki smiled. The same small smile he had when he first saw Taemin. “Amazing. You did so well. I’m proud of you.”
Taemin smiled for the first time since he stepped into the church. He smiled at Jinki. “Thank you.”