Work Text:
12.4k
r/amitheasshole · Posted by u/cucumbersalad 4d
AITA for not stopping my husband and letting him fight my coworker? 🔒
Verdict: ESH
Hello, everyone. I come to you with a bit of a dilemma. My friend says I'm NTA and he "had it coming tbh" but my eldest brother says I should've held back my husband and "been the bigger person," so I wanted to get some perspective from outsiders.
For context, I (32M) eloped with my husband (28M) three years ago without telling any of our friends or family. It's been a steady three years, but some of our friends and acquaintances are still rather hostile towards him for a variety of reasons. One of those people is my coworker, GymRat (32M). GymRat has had a bad relationship with my husband as far back as seven years ago, but it got progressively worse after certain events five years ago and after we got married three years ago.
My husband has a particularly bad habit of goading and riling up this coworker when we are at company events, hanging out outside of work, or any sort of situation in which they are in close quarters, really. But, in his defense, my coworker falls for it every time and also goads him right back. It's a give and take kind of thing. I know what you're wondering, though. If this is how it's always been, why is it suddenly a problem now?
Well, they started getting along a bit better recently — like a LOT better. Like, I was thinking that maybe they were finally starting to be friends! Until about four days ago.
The office had a holiday party four days ago and, naturally, I took my husband as my plus one. We were all drinking, even GymRat (who doesn't normally), and emotions were high. Some things were said — I don't really remember what GymRat even said entirely, we were all a little drunk. All I know is he said something about his "flirtatious habits" which doesn't make sense because we are in an undeniably, very strictly monogamous relationship, but my husband took it more personally than anything he's said before and next thing any of us knew, they were brawling in the middle of the conference room.
Now, here's where I may be the asshole. I didn't break them up. Part of me wonders if I should've, but you guys didn't see the hurt on my husband's face. He often uses crocodile tears to sway things in his favor with me (it's very cute), but this... it was different. It was just raw hurt. No tears, just pain, and then...bam! On the floor.
A few people have messaged me saying I should've broken them up and "gotten a grip" on my husband, and that I need to "tighten his leash" but I can't help but disagree. This felt different than their usual fights. It just feels like they needed to fight this one out — though maybe their choice of venue wasn't the best. A few people say I did the right thing by letting them battle it out but others say I should've intervened. I need an external opinion on this one.
So, Reddit, AITA????
Edit: to those who saw the comment from u/soaringplane, yes he tried to kidnap me five years ago, but it was a very bad time for us both mentally and we have worked hard to better our communication and heal from the trauma of our shared pasts.
1.2k comments
Share
Save
Hide
Report
What are your thoughts? Log in or Sign up log in sign up
Sort by relevance
🔒THIS POST HAS BEEN LOCKED BY THE MODS🔒
u/peerlesschrysanthemum · 2d
op this is a safe place u can tell us anything ... did the three of u get together yet?
429
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/ineedagyro · 3d
ESH but you suck a little more than the rest. this sounds like a really toxic and hostile work environment AND home environment. you and your husband need serious therapy, individual AND couples. and honestly, i don't rly believe ur not instigating anything with your coworker for him to be this aggressive. like he is clearly in an uncomfortable position. idk how either of u haven't been fired but esp u, considering ur the epicenter of it all.
762
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/cucumbersalad OP · 2d
I can't really be fired, I technically own the company, and he is incredibly valuable to our team. Firing him would never even be possibly in the books. You are assuming a very large amount of things about my relationship with both my husband and my friend.
-981
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/ineedagyro · 2d
bro ur the OWNER? this literally changes everything. op, you misspelled EMPLOYEE. I take back my judgement, YTA all the fucking way.
191
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/trashcanenjoyer11 · 2d
sounds like GymRat was mad he got cucked by OP's husband LMAO
89
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/runawayrat · 2d
hey hold on woah op is really burying the lede here i saw in another comment by op say he’s the owner of the company not just an employee?? i’m sorry but is this not a gross abuse of power? op you really tried to pull one over on us by saying "coworker" instead of "employee." this missing context changes things. drastically. YTA, and a huge one at that. i hope your EMPLOYEE gets out while he can, you and your husband have problems.
307
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/cucumbersalad OP · 2d
I say coworker because the company isn't technically fully mine yet. I am set to take it over shortly, but for the time being my eldest brother is running things on his leave from work while I get the hang of the ins and outs of the company and learn the jobs and responsibilities of our average employees through personal experience. So, right now, we are currently coworkers. We have known each other since our teenage years, however, and are tentatively friends outside of work (tentatively due to the aforementioned husband fighting.)
-138
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/soaringplane · 2d
As another employee at this company I wanted to chime in and give my professional two cebts. It is not a hostile work environment. It's super hot when they fight and we're all into it. also he DID have it coming tbh (dont tell him i said that)
23
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/cucumbersalad OP · 2d
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE I came to Reddit to get AWAY from your gross opinions fuck off
14
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/freak-friday24 · 2d
this is obviously a troll post
418
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/The-MedicineMan · 1d
I wish it were.
342
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/cucumbersalad OP · 1d
WHY DO ALL KY COWORKERS KNOW JY REDDIT
119
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/capybaracuda · 2d
ESH but you a little less than the rest. I think other commenters are being a little harsh here towards you. Even if you weren't drunk why are you expected to control the actions of these grown adult men? Having said that, I do think you are a bit of an asshole for not setting some firmer boundaries with both parties and not intervening when things got physical at a work function. I'm giving you a little grace since you were drunk and your husband and coworker were definitely way worse than you in this situation.
edit to add: I do find it a little strange btw that you say you're strictly monogamous but your husband gets so worked up over a comment about his "flirtatious habits" — first of all what habits? Second of all why did it affect him so much? I think you need to have a chat with your husband.
287
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/fbiopenup · 2d
Hey OP, aren't you the guy who posted
I think my Intern is trying to kill me, what do I do?
and this:
My Intern held my comatose body hostage from my friends and family, AIO?
Is your husband the same intern from these posts? If so, you need help, genuinely. I've never been more concerned about a stranger in my life. I hope this is a long game troll account.
992
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/cucumbersalad OP · 2d
that was 5 yrs ago
-76
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/clearwind · 2d
THE KIDNAPPING YEAR?!?!!!
70
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/frogetmenot · 2d
Read the second post and no, actually, I think they're perfect for each other.
I don't think I'm overreacting but I feel a little bad for snapping at my brother and friend. I understand their hearts are in the right place and they just care about me, but they can be a bit overprotective and I think they overstepped this time trying to "ban me" from seeing Intern. He's my friend too and was just scared, due to outside, unrelated factors.
Your husband is insane OP, and honestly so are you.
899
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/pinkgraphite · 1d
what in the stockholm....
21
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/bumble--b78 · 2d
ESH but honestly op…this, and your entire post history, are way above Reddit’s pay grade. You need to talk to a professional, not online strangers.
206
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/soaringplane · 1d
hey bro just a heads up in case u wanna take this down, ur brother just came to my office to ask what Reddit is
618
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/cucumbersalad OP · 1d
wait which brother.
15
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/cucumbersalad OP · 1d
airplane. WHICH BROTHER.
19
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/pinkgraphite · 1d
THE BRPTHER FOUND THE POST??
5
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/capybaracuda · 1d
OP if you’re still alive reply to this comment.
7
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/clearwind · 1d
UPDATE!!!!!??
3
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/randomnamegenerator561 · 1d
Hey has anyone heard from OP since his brother found the post?
103
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/weedman69 · 1d
damn the brother killed him...rip OP
97
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/anythingformywife · 1d
I would never let any harm come to my beloved.
-1.4k
Reply
Share
Report
Save
u/weedman69 · 1d
THE KIDNAPPER HUSBAND??!!
233
Reply
Share
Report
Save

u/cameforthecake · 4d
ESH. You were all drunk, first of all, which already makes for a precarious situation. None of you were in proper states of mind. However, drunkenness is not an excuse for poor behavior, which all three of you exhibited. Everyone owes everyone an apology here. Not just you, but your husband and coworker as well. You said they were just growing closer recently, if you move quick, you may be able to remedy this whole situation. If you let it simmer, though...it's bound to get worse from here. You need to sit both your husband and friend down and have a serious conversation with them, as soon as you can.
u/themainchara52 · 4d
NTA. These are grown ass men, why should you have to control them or rectify their behavior? Gross af of whoever told you to "keep a leash on" your husband what is he? A dog? Frankly disturbing way for your supposed friends to talk abt your husband...you might be better off just dropping this people they sound toxic as hell, OP.
u/cour102 · 3d
Anyone else feel like OP is leaving out a lot of information? Why did you and your husband elope? What are these so called "events" that caused so much hostility between your husband and coworker?
u/soaringplane · 3d
the event 5 yrs ago was him trying to kidnap OP lol
u/cucumbersalad OP · 3d
That is irrelevant to the current post and I'm unsure why you deem it necessary to bring up. We have moved past this. At least I'm not fucking my boss.
u/pinkgraphite · 3d
on today's episode of insane missing context?! OP?!!!! ARE U OK?? BLINK TEICE IFBU NEED HELP
u/clearwind · 3d
im sorry did u say KIDNAPPED???
continue thread —>