Chapter Text
Bitter copper lingers in her mouth long after she’s left the Salvatore Boarding House. It floats like a miasma around her lips reminding her of the ways she remains powerless against the men in her life. The frustration seeps into her knuckles as she pulls the car over to the side of the road. If anyone will understand how devastating this is, it will be John. His name flashes across the screen before he answers the call.
Today was never supposed to come but if it did, then her parents ensured that she would serve a purpose. John in his single-minded mission understands that better than anyone. What it means to truly sacrifice yourself. He agrees to take her the rest of the way to the old witch house and hangs up.
The compact rattles in her hands between shaking fingers as she checks her face. On her best days, she isn’t a confident driver. Not anymore. And today is far from her best day. But tonight will be a shining moment if she can fix what Damon ruined. John knows the urgency of this trip and all that hangs in the balance. They are Gilberts and they have to do what must be done.
“Bonnie? Jere?” The basement stairs creak under her weight but the creaking doesn’t stop once she opens the door. Her hands fly to her mouth and she stumbles backwards, nearly tripping over a box of grimoires. “Oh my god! Sorry! Sorry!”
“Elena! Your sister…” Bonnie panics at the unexpected arrival. “What are you doing here?
“I didn’t hear you!”
Flashes of Bonnie’s leg hooked over Jeremy’s broad shoulder and his dark head of hair between her thighs.
“I used a silencing spell.”
Her best friend’s eyes rolled back in ecstasy. Her brother’s free hand massaging her breast and pinching her nipple.
“Locked doors work better.”
Jeremy’s triceps flexing in a very specific motion. Elena wants to bleach her brain before surrendering herself to Klaus tonight.
“So does knocking.” Jeremy leans over to drape a blanket across Bonnie’s shoulders before rounding on Elena. Any embarrassment he may have felt now being channeled into annoyance. She tries not to notice his thumb moving to wipe the corner of his mouth but it’s like a car wreck. She can’t stop cataloguing the damage. “What if Klaus had followed you?”
“John made sure he didn’t. We’ve been driving around for a few hours just in case.” Elena pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes, giving them enough time to dress. Giving herself enough time to expunge the images from her mind. “Bonnie, I need to talk to you.”
“Hey, kiddo.” John is at her back, oblivious of the warning screeches until it’s too late. He coughs to clear his throat, discomfort evident in his next words. “Jeremy. We – well – we brought some snacks. Want to help me grab them?”
The basement grows smaller after they leave. Elena recounts Damon’s forceful hand on the back of her head and his blood thick and warm sliding down her throat. She glances down in the telling and for the first time sees the stains of it spotting her shirt. “The sacrifice doesn’t work unless I die. If I come back, it’s meaningless.”
“It’s not meaningless, Elena.” Bonnie’s jawline tenses as she bites down on her words. “You’d be alive. You’d be with us.”
“There’s no more hiding. He’s found me. It has to be done. You know it’s the right thing to do.” Elena reaches out to hold Bonnie’s hands in her own. Caressing the soft skin on the back of her friend’s hand. Holding every ounce of love and regret between them. “Is there anything you can do?”
As Bonnie sifts through the tomes for the right spell, Elena considers how deeply seared the image of Bonnie with Jeremy is etched in her brain. Her lip twitches at the thought that soon she won’t have to worry about the echoing trauma of the moment. Before the day is over, she’ll be dead and won’t have to think about them having sex. It’s the kind of joke she knows Bonnie won’t appreciate. No one will.
“It will hurt.” Bonnie lays out one of her cousin’s grimoires on the ground between them.
“Doesn’t it always?”
The only tender moment of the spell is when Bonnie intertwines her fingers with Elena’s and gentle breeze blows between them. As she reads from the book, repeating the words, Bonnie’s voice takes on a humming monotone. Elena’s body grows hot and her skin itchy. She tries to scratch but Bonnie’s grip is too tight. She won’t let go. Blood wells up at the corner of her fingernails like the aftermath of ripped hangnails. She won’t let go. Blood surges into her head with a crack before it pours from her mouth. She won’t let go. Ringing in her head and she wants to clamp her hands over her ears to drown out the noise. But Bonnie won’t let go.
Elena doubles over across Bonnie’s lap in pain. Every inch of her body has felt the heat of magic scorching the impurities in her blood. There is nothing left in her now. No vervain or vampire blood. Just her. Exactly as she needs to be if she wants to kill Klaus. Finally, Bonnie lets go of her hands. She rubs Elena’s back as she cries. Tears diluting the remnants of Damon’s blood expelled from her system. Washing it all away.
The pain ebbs away to be replaced by a solid stone of determination. Today is not over. She’ll squeeze every ounce of joy she can out of it before following Klaus to their shared altar.
“I’m glad I got to see you. I love you so much.” Their arms are tight around each other. So long as they hold each other, they are both safe. Elena breaks the hug first to take in every inch of Bonnie’s face. “Take care of Caroline. And my brother too?”
“It’s not right, Elena. Lying to him like this.”
“I don’t want to take his hope away.” Elena shoves her hands in her pockets. “And it’s not my place to change how he looks at our parents.”
“I won’t lie to him. If he asks about or wants to talk – I won’t lie.”
“Bonnie, you’re my friend…”
“And he’s my boyfriend.” Bonnie cuts her off. “I won’t lie to him. I don’t want to be in the middle. Keeping secrets. Don’t put me there.”
“You’re right.” Elena’s shoulders sag. This is their final argument. Elena will have the last word of it today, but she can’ t control what happens after she’s gone. The best she can do is hope Jeremy never asks about this. Never finds out the truth. “I’m sorry.”
After splashing some water on her face, Elena returns upstairs alone to witness John awkwardly trying to resuscitate a conversation with Jeremy. They hug and the emotion builds in her chest but her brother is too stoic to allow it to truly soar. She teases him and he laughs. For seconds, she can pretend that they will make some popcorn tonight and fight over which movie to watch. But then his eyes get glassy and he hugs her one last time. She knows this is the last time she’ll see him. He doesn’t turn around and she expects nothing less.
“Are you good to drive yourself back?”
“You’re not coming?” She frowns. Had assumed John might try to talk her out of this or at least offer her some faux fatherly advice. Not the keys to his car. Her lip curls at the surprising disappointment of it.
“I was thinking Jeremy could later.” John scratches at his neck and smiles at her like they are strangers at the grocery store. “There’s a high probability that it will be awkward, but I think someone should give him ‘the talk’. Considering…”
But then John pulls her in for a hug and her arms hang limp at her side until she remembers that they aren’t strangers. In another life, he might have raised her. Might have tucked her in at night and indulged her questions strategically asked to avoid sleep. She might have really loved him once. But that ache in her chest is from another girl and another life.
“You’re a good kid, Elena. You deserve more than what I’ve given you. More than what the world has given you.” His hands are in her hair and he’s holding her face. Tears rolling off his cheeks. He’s shaking. The lines on his forehead rewrite themselves with each thought. “I hope you know how much I love you. How much I would do anything for you.”
“You gave me my family, John.” She doesn’t know how to comfort him now. Doesn’t know how to say what she feels because it’s not as simple as an ‘I love you too’. “It’s all I ever could have wanted.”
She wants to tell him that she would have liked that other life. The one where he kept her and she called him Dad. Where they would only visit Mystic Falls to visit in between all the other places they would call home. She wants to tell him that in this other life she thinks he’s her favorite person and that she loves him so much. But she can’t. That other girl lives too far away to summon. Instead, she drives back home with her hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly. Pulling over twice to breathe through tears and anxiety. Waiting outside the boarding house for Stefan until her smile feels real.
Watching Katerina viciously stab her own thigh in an attempt to fool him into believing her compelled is amusing. In different circumstances, Klaus might give his own doppelganger a reprieve in order to savor this particular scenario for another month or two. But he has been studying the exquisite pain in the betrayer’s doe eyes and the way resentment flashes in the corners of her mouth like lightning striking down from her flared nostrils. Later, when he has time, he will commit this image to permanence with oil, pigment, and canvas.
“Enough.” He waves a hand, satisfied by her momentary relief. “You should be thanking Damon Salvatore for your luck.”
“Why would I do that?”
“It seems as if he’s stolen some essential elements for my sacrifice tonight. Now, I do plan ahead. I’d had the foresight to ensnare two werewolves.” He takes a sip of his whisky to draw out her interest, keen to see her hang on his every word. Setting the trap. He should have been so clever when she was still human. “Unfortunately, I had no such insight to do the same for my vampire.”
Her face pales like a macabre porcelain doll with the knife in her hand and gore staining her shredded jeans. To her credit, she doesn’t say anything. Merely waits for him to continue while her calculating eyes assess the room. Any other face, any other woman, any other temperament and she would have made a worthy companion.
“I’ll need one final favor from you before I turn you loose on the world.”
“And that is?” Katerina steps forward, unaware of the rope around her ankle.
“Simple really.” Klaus grins, watching the cord tighten. “I need you to find me a replacement for my ritual.”
Animals don’t know when they are about to be slaughtered. They have no context for the gleaming knife poised in the butcher’s hand. When done right, they may even relax.
Katerina relaxed.
“I can do that.”
It’s his doppelganger’s home where she takes him. He recognizes it from the nights spent observing her, both before and after he announced his presence in her life. Katerina’s voice grows earnest over the phone and soon a young woman emerges from the house. Someone important no doubt. By the time she recognizes Katerina for what she is, it’s too late. His blood is in her body and her neck snaps easily in his hands.
Even on the precipice of freedom, Katerina can’t help herself. She could have brought him anywhere. Brought him to anyone. But she can never resist one last parting shot. It’s her downfall. That desire to turn around while she has one foot out the door.
“One more thing, love.” To his delight, he can feel her flinching under his touch. An electric fear. “Bring her to Steven’s Quarry. Greta will be waiting. I have the most important element left to escort.”
The hike is beautiful and she appreciates Stefan’s attempt to give her one last human day. It’s an indulgence to climb that waterfall with him, but the view isn’t as precious to her as the way he looks at her now still believing Damon’s blood will return her to him once the night is over. Driving with him back to the house with the window rolled down. Wind in her hair and his hand on her thigh. She wants to ask him to keep driving. She’s not as selfless as they like to make her out to be, but she is a dutiful daughter and she won’t let her family down. Tonight will be their last kiss as she leaves him with his eyes closed to the hope that tomorrow she will join him in eternity.
Steven’s Quarry is as good a place as any to die. She isn’t sure why Klaus picked this location but she does appreciate the sound of the cascading falls just beyond the trees. The water feels like a welcome return home. With this last task, she can finally join her parents and rest. Her friends will be safe. They have a future now. Her brother can have a normal life with –
“Jenna?” Elena starts forward but Klaus’s grip on her arm is too tight. She nearly sling shots back into him. “What is she doing here? We had a deal! I haven’t broken it!”
“You haven’t, but Damon has.”
“You!” The word is a curse in her throat. The sight of Katherine standing with Klaus is a cruel mirror. If Elena had teeth, she’d use them. “What’s wrong with you? Haven’t you done enough? How can you live with yourself?”
“Because I’m walking away from this.”
Klaus shoves Elena to the ground. Dirt and pine needles stick to her hands. Jenna rushes to her side, hovering protectively over her, but Elena is quick to reverse their positions. Nearby, the werewolf groans in pain, beginning to wake up. Katherine begins to inch away from Klaus but he turns to address her.
“Do you care to stay, Katerina?” Klaus gestures to her as though inviting her to dinner. “See the culmination of my work finally come to pass?”
“I’d rather not.”
“It’s a beautiful sight. There was something not quite right about using the boy. In my mind’s eye, I had envisioned three beautiful women. Brunettes.” He circles around Katherine, guiding her away from the trees. He sighs dramatically. “When I squint, I can just pretend that the wolf resembles Tatia but the replacement you chose. I’m not certain I see the vision.”
Katherine inches away. Her hands flexing anxiously. There’s a blur of escape but she’s no faster than Greta’s magic. Klaus’s witch invokes three circles of flame around the women. The werewolf barely regards it. Jenna, unused to magic, startles next to Elena. But Katherine is thrown back, rebounding off the flames as if they were solid walls.
“This wasn’t our deal!”
“The rope never left your sweet neck, Katerina. You should have known then that you were living on stolen time.” Klaus steps back as though taking in a museum display. “There. The image is as perfect as it can be.”
The moonstone passes between Klaus and Greta with a kiss. “Keep going, darling.” Klaus lingers with his palm cupping her cheek. “I must see to our company.”
Stefan appears through the clearing. She should have known, as self-sacrificing as he is, that he would come here tonight to try to save someone. At first, he bargains for Jenna but Klaus dispels the notion.
“I’ve no intention of killing her, Stefan.” Klaus cocks his head to the side. “I merely needed a bystander so I might drink in the nectar that is Katerina’s fleeting hope.”
This isn’t where he’d imagined his bravery would lead. It’s a fruitless endeavor and Elena can see defeat in his shoulders. He looks to her, searching for direction. But they are both lost.
“Fine. Use me. Let me take her place.”
Out of all her fears about tonight, this hadn’t been one. Her mouth hangs open and she can hear Jenna cursing under her breath. Stefan doesn’t look at her now though she wishes he would so she could figure out why he’s doing this. Why come here at all? Why stay and offer to save the person who would, has, condemned them all. Katherine doesn’t deserve to live. Is he so eager to die?
The only answer to that question is a resounding thud as Stefan’s body slams into a nearby tree. The wet squelch of a branch pinning him down. His legs gone slack. The branch having pulverized his spinal cord.
“Now that our little interruption has been resolved.” Klaus’s gesture is fluid and casual as he instructs Greta to let down the first wall of fire. As if he hadn’t just paralyzed Stefan with raw strength and a dead branch.
The werewolf is awake and aware now. But she’s in too much pain to move. She drags her body helplessly away from Klaus. Her hands clawing at the dirt in this last stand.
Elena shields her aunt from the sight. The sound echoes through her head and it might have been worse than looking. “It’s okay.” She flattens down Jenna’s fear-damp hair. “Everything will be okay. He’s not going to kill you.”
“I don’t understand, Elena. I thought it was you.” Jenna shakes with unhoused adrenaline and the memory of her death. “I left the house and I remember him biting me and then –.”
“You’re in transition. It’s not the end of the world. There are ways you can live with it. Ric will show you. He’ll stick by you.” Tears sting but Elena refuses to let them fall. Not in front of Jenna. “You can still be there for Jeremy. It will all work out.”
Flames die down around Katherine next. Elena cradles Jenna’s face to her chest but chances a peek. It’s the only thing good about tonight. Klaus still has the werewolf’s blood on his hands when he grabs Katherine. Biting into her neck as he buries his hand in her chest. To her credit, Katherine doesn’t scream. Refuses to give him anymore satisfaction in her death than he already takes. Elena can admire this in her even if she’s happy that her doppelganger now lies dead on the ground. The world would have felt perverse if she’d been allowed to live.
As Klaus returns to the cauldron to add Katherine’s blood, Elena knows her turn is next. She tilts Jenna’s face up at her, doing her best to comfort her. “Please just remember. I love you. I love Jeremy. I’ll be okay.”
“I should have done something. I was supposed to take care of you.”
“You did! You did…listen, you couldn’t have stopped this, okay? None of this is your fault. It’s no one’s fault.” Elena’s throat is dry. Her chest aches. She wants to scream for her dad and have him check her closet for monsters. She swallows and smiles. “I want you to be happy. Doing this tonight – it will – please just promise me that you’ll be happy? That you’ll take care of Jeremy.”
It’s her turn. Klaus offers her a hand and she kisses Jenna’s forehead instead. This is what she was born to do. The blood coursing in her body is powerful beyond measure. It rewrites the rules of nature and as Klaus thanks her, she thinks of how it will rewrite him. He’s behind her. Greta has Jenna subdued, vines bursting from the ground to wrap around her wrists. The world goes silent as he tilts her chin to look at him. Only him and the sound of water. The rush of her blood pumping in her veins like poison.
“Go to hell.”
Sharp teeth shine as he circles her. Brushing her hair gently from her neck. Fangs piercing into her skin. It’s instinct that has her body jumping away and his that keeps her firm in his grasp. Fingers splayed possessively over her collarbone. Hands roaming intimately exploring her body. Unnecessary and crude. She goes slack and he holds her aloft but she knows that he has to drink until the last drop.
Most vampires won’t.
Elena pivots in his arms and she registers vaguely the shock on his face. He has to drink it all. She has to make him want it. She steadies herself with arms draped across his shoulders. A hand weaving through his hair like a lover. He descends on her again, invigorated. His bite is doubled and the pain does the same to the night’s sky. She’s nauseous now and her vision narrows. He lays her gently on the ground and she can feel him pulling back.
It won’t do.
Calculating, she musters her strength and grabs a fistful of his hair until he moans in her ear. Bites down a third time. And she’s certain she’s done it. He will drink every last drop of her blood. With each mouthful the magic binds them tighter. It will drag him down into the grave with her and she will accomplish what no one else has in over a thousand years.
And doesn’t that make her the most fearsome creature in the woods tonight?
The world is dark now. He’s blotted out the moon and the stars. His hand is at her back as he paws her even closer. Soft moans chasing every blood-drunk gasp for air. The water fades, crashing less frequently in her head now. Someone is sobbing. This is her death song.
As Klaus clings to the dead body below him, there’s a certainty that he will die too. It’s an anchor on his ecstasy. Dread threatening to pull him under and bury him. It passes. An awful second and then it’s gone. He assumes it’s magic. An echo of his bitch-mother screaming at his success from beyond.
With his blood now mixed with hers, he returns to the cauldron and slices through his palm. Let’s their combined power drip into the cauldron to join the moonstone. Greta beams at him and resumes her incantations. Finalizing the ritual and ushering in a new era.
Power hits him and sends Klaus stumbling through the carnage. Through Katerina’s absolution and his doppelganger’s gift. The transitioning vampire wails when he looks at her and he assumes that his eyes must have turned that brilliant shade of gold. He runs his tongue over his teeth. Canines grown in double. The moon calls for him and for the first time in his life, he answers her music with a chorus of snapping bones.
The universe does not allow him to relish in it for long. A force hits him. Sends him flying back across the clearing.
“You were dead.” It’s not an accusation. It’s an admission of fear.
The Bennett witch advances on him with a determination that spells his doom. One of them will not leave this clearing tonight and with his witch dead at Damon’s feet, Klaus is alone. She bears down on him. Oblivion is beautiful and terrifying in her eyes. And then Elijah appears from the shadows. He believes himself saved until his brother’s fingers tighten around his frantically beating heart. That dread returns.
“I didn’t bury them at sea.” He gasps as Elijah’s thumb passes over his throat. He doesn’t want to be alone. Doesn’t want to come this close only to die where it all began. He’ll say anything. “I’ve kept them. You can be reunited. I can take you to them. I give you my word. Brother.”
The witch and his brother have a heated exchange while blood pulses in his head drowning them out. Their fight reverbs in his chest. The sound of water falling into the quarry lulls him into an unwilling peace. The sacrifice has been derailed. And then Elijah releases him. He’s carried away, safe in his brother’s arms.
“Damon?” The light inside the room is glaring initially. He moves in front of it to shield her eyes and suddenly he’s washed in it. Elena is certain this isn’t heaven. “What are you doing? Where am I?”
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m – fine.” Her throat has been replaced by sandpaper, wherever she’s landed. Can’t be hell either. It’s nothing like the eternal flames from Pastor Young’s sermons. “What’s going on?”
“Bonnie found a way to save you.”
“Save me?” The words are a balm on her chapped lips and then she understand their meaning. Sits up too quickly and the world spins. “Damon. I need you to tell me what happened. Where is Jenna? What happened to Klaus.”
“Ric is talking to Jenna right now.” Damon’s hands are on either side of her face. The anxiety radiating from his palms could fry her brain. “She’s freaking out about transitioning but he’ll convince her.”
“And Klaus?”
“I didn’t get a chance to finish him.” Bonnie walks in leaning on Jeremy. Her face is ashen and she looks on the verge of collapse. “Elijah interrupted.”
“Why did you do it?” She bites her lip, unwilling to let the truth slip. “Why did you bring me back?”
“Elena. This is a good thing.” There’s that familiar strained quality in Damon’s voice. Always there when he’s trying to convince her. “You’re back. You’re human. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“She knew what I wanted!” There’s a metallic taste in the back of her throat when she screams. “You had no right. What’s wrong with you?!”
“Hey! Stop yelling at her.” Jeremy steps in front of Bonnie, holding his body so that he can keep an arm around her while obscuring her. Elena can’t remember when exactly he’d gotten so tall. “It was John’s idea to sacrifice his soul to keep yours safe. And do you have any idea what she went through to bring you back? The danger she put herself in to stop Klaus?”
Muscles in her jaw tighten as she stews. Knowing what she can’t say. It would take too much for them to understand. She just wishes they’d let her go. Twice now she’s evaded death. It calls for her in a way they’ll never hear. This was her purpose tonight and they stole it. What is the cost of one girl? Too much. Because they couldn’t let her go.
“Did you not want to come back?”
Through his bravado, she can see the edges of the child in him. It softens her resolve to hold onto her anger. “It’s not that.”
“Then why the hell are you being so ungrateful?”
“Jeremy. It’s okay.” Bonnie flits into view, patting Jeremy’s arm for his attention. “Coming back from the dead. It’s emotional. Turbulent. Give her a break.”
“Here.” He flings a heavy envelope onto her lap. His lips are pinched and his eyes have hardened, locking away that little boy. “John left a letter for you. Maybe this will convince at least one of you to stick around.”
In the other room, Ric is on his knees prostrate over Jenna. His head is buried in her lap but she is unmoved. Elena touches him gently on the shoulder to take his place. She sits down on the dusty couch, silently waiting until her aunt speaks first. Coaxing it out of her.
“I can’t do it, Elena.” Jenna finally breaks the quiet. “I don’t want to be a monster.”
“Not all vampires are like Klaus and Katherine.” Elena reaches out to take hold of Jenna’s worrying hands. “Some of them are good. You met Stefan. You could be a good vampire too.”
“I can’t handle it. I could barely handle life before all this.” Anguish rises in Jenna’s throat, morphing the syllables of her protest. “Look at the mess I’ve made of you and Jeremy.”
“Jenna please.” She doesn’t want to start crying. If she does, then it will become a scream and she doesn’t know if she can stop. “We need you.”
“You don’t. Look at you. You’ll be an adult soon. You’ve already done a better job than I have.” Jenna smiles feebly. Her gums are dry and pale. “You’ll protect him. You don’t need me.”
“I do though,” Elena moans. She can’t lose more family. It can’t just be her and Jeremy. “Being a vampire means heightened emotions. This guilt. It’s all it is. Once you transition, you won’t feel so terrible. You’ll feel better.”
Shuffling in, Stefan surprises her. She’s on the verge of tears. Letting it all wash away until she’s lost floating in the misery. He’s always grounded her before and now, despite all the confusion with Katherine, all she wants is to feel his touch. To be comforted by him. Her body molds to his familiar shape. Takes his scent into her lungs and lets it flow through her bloodstream. “Will you please talk to her? Make her understand how it could be.”
The sun remains a hint through the trees when Elena goes outside to sit with John’s letter. She thumbs the jagged patterns of his words. Aches to understand this fracture in her family. It would have all been so easy if she had been the one to die. A world where Jenna goes back to school and John takes in Jeremy fades from possibility. They are left with the worst outcome now.
Bonnie takes a seat next to her on the porch and for a few seconds, neither of them speak. But even through the silence, Elena can feel Bonnie’s heart.
“He wanted to do this for you. To protect you.” Bonnie’s face is open, unabashed, when Elena glances over to her. “I know you think you needed to sacrifice yourself, but you didn’t. It wasn’t just on you. It’s not fair to everyone who loves you.”
“I could have ended it all last night. But now he’s out there.”
“Let him be out there then. That doesn’t matter. You matter.” Bonnie grabs Elena’s free hand and shakes it in her fist. “You being home and being my best friend. I didn’t want to lose you either. Who cares what Klaus does out in the world? Screw him.” There’s true anger in the words but underneath that is fear. Fear of having lost a friend. Losing one.
It would feel satisfying to focus on Klaus. On vengeance. Pour all this fear and rage into a single moment where she rips the life out of his chest. But she can’t lose another person. And neither can Bonnie. The plan has failed. She has to live with that. There’s no other option now. Klaus is far too powerful now and she has no other weapons to use against him.
“I love you.” Elena wraps her arms around Bonnie with the truth before whispering a convincing lie into her ear. “Thank you for saving me.”
“I love you too.”
Everyone around her seems to think she’d adult enough to handle this, but she’s not. Ultimately, Jenna chooses not to transition. They get more time to say goodbye but it’s not enough. There’s never enough time for goodbyes. They bury her at the same time as John. Three Gilberts and a Sommers. Ric tried until the very end. There were a few moments when it seemed like Jenna would cave but then she’d get this far away look in her eyes. Nothing else could be said. She’d simply had enough. And if this was enough to break her, then Elena didn’t want to put her through more.
The sun is too bright for a day like today. Almost offensive how cheerful it feels. Spring was giving way to Summer and it didn’t care about their heartache. Jeremy holds her tight but even in his embrace she can’t help but feel like this should be her. If she had died then this all would have been right. Jeremy would have had both John and Jenna who would guide him through his grief. They would have all taken care of each other. Elena doesn’t understand how broken things are meant to care for broken things.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk her out of it.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad Damon didn’t try to force blood on her.” Silence between them is uncomfortable and punctuated only by the sound of Stefan’s sharp exhale. Elena studies his face and, unable to find what she needs there, she asks her question. “Why did you do it? You knew Jenna was going to be okay. Why try to save Katherine after all she’s done to us?”
He holds the answer like a lit match. Until it burns him.
“I felt so helpless. When I heard about Jenna – I just wanted to help in any way I could. You were going to be a new vampire. You needed as much family around as you could get.” Stefan stands there in his suit, his body gone stark still like he’s afraid to move. He refuses to look at her. “And then when I figured out he was using Katherine…I don’t know maybe in way it felt like saving you. I saw the fear in her eyes and it made me think about what she must have been like as a human. Before becoming a vampire. Maybe it’s stupid but I just wanted to save that person. Who she was before Klaus got to her.”
“And you would have left me alone.”
Now, he looks at her. Briefly. She can’t discern this expression before he’s kissing her. Fiercely. Like the sun, this too feels offensive but she embraces it. Begs for him to consume her with every soft moan of discord. She’s tired of thinking and planning and being. She wants him to swallow her whole so she’ll never have to think again. Maybe, if she kisses him hard enough, she can forget about that night and the dissatisfaction in his answer.
“I will never leave you alone again, okay?” He kisses her again, slower this time. Relishing in it without noticing how little enjoyment she takes in it. “I promise. I will always be here for you.”
Their foreheads lean against one another. In her periphery, she spots Damon lingering like a specter. “It looks like your brother wants you.”
“I’ll meet you back at your house.”
It never happens.
People come and go to pay their respects but never Stefan. The part of her that is relieved for the reprieve of his attention drowns out any of her worry. She’ll see him tomorrow when she can mold her face into one happier to see him. The one that adores his heroism and desire to save anyone, good or bad. She can’t seem to find that face today.
It’s midnight before Caroline leaves. The rest of the guests are long gone. Ric is drunk on the couch. After an hour of waiting for Elena to fall asleep, Bonnie sneaks out of her room to go to Jeremy’s down the hall. She does try to sleep. At first, it’s easy to blame her restlessness on the day. But her stomach growls a complaint. Her footsteps are soft against the hardwood floors, creeping through the dark to avoid waking Ric. To the kitchen, intent on making a snack. Something easy. Crackers and peanut butter, but there’s a pound of beef in the fridge and even though she’s not sure how long it’s been there, she’s certain it smells good.
The stove clicks to life. It sizzles with the heat and oil. Elena stands over it, poised to dump the beef into the pan but she can’t. She squeezes the package and the juice drips off her fingers to disappear in the heat of the skillet. Flames extinguish as she turns off the stove and stands there in the dark. Curiously, she pinches the raw meat between her fingers and stares at it in the moonlight.
All she can do is wet her lips.