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It was a Monday when Brittany woke up with a penis. It didn't really register with her until she stood up, but it had to have been there as soon as she opened her eyes. The penis had definitely not been there when she went to bed though so Brittany had to sit down for a minute to try and figure out where it had come from. However, after thinking about it while brushing her teeth, combing her hair, peeing (which was an absolutely weird experience), and putting on her Cheerios uniform without coming up with a definite answer, Brittany just shrugged and figured that she must have dreamed it into existence. Mr. Schuester had said that they could make their dreams come true if they tried hard enough, but Brittany didn't even know that she had been trying.
School was its normal blur for Brittany and she didn't think much about her penis until Glee Club.
“Um, Brittany?” Artie said to her from the uncomfortable viewpoint of his wheelchair that placed him at crotch level. “You have a bulge. It's very noticeable under your skirt.”
“That's because I have a penis now, Artie.” Brittany said, “And no breasts. I guess that makes me a boy?” She cupped her now flat chest and mourned the loss of her boobs. They had been small, sure, but Brittany had liked them.
“You're whatever gender you feel you are,” Tina said in a soothing voice from her chair, “Just don't...feel yourself right now.”
Brittany nodded before sitting down herself next to Santana. Most of the people in the room lurched in their seats when they saw her normal open legged sprawl. “Well, I feel like a boy so I must be. But don't worry, I'm sure it's temporary.”
“Why are you so sure it's temporary?” Puck asked.
“Because everyone knows that dreams go away eventually.” Brittany said. Rachel looked depressed from her seat at the piano bench.
Before Rachel could say something, Kurt spoke up, “Brittany? Would you like to borrow one of my uniforms until you're a girl again? I think we're the same size now.”
Brittany turned to talk to Kurt, “I can't. Coach Sylvester said that my wearing pants would ruin the visual impact of our new routine.”
Kurt crossed his legs and looked a little frightened after hearing that. Santana smiled an evil grin at Kurt, but kept quiet. She felt no need to do anything but enjoy the chaos Brittany was causing.
Finn gestured at Brittany, trying not to look like he was pointing at her groin even though he totally was. “How did you get taller anyways?” he said.
Brittany turned to look at Finn this time, “I think my hair turned into bone.” She said, a solemn look on her face, “That upsets me because I need my hair for when I fall asleep in class.” She rubbed at her head, pouting at the feel of her shorter, darker blonde hair. Finn nodded as if satisfied with that answer while everyone else looked creeped out.
“What I think everyone here has failed to realize is that Brittany's unusual spontaneous sex change has dire consequences for glee if it lasts much longer. Our choir has been fairly evenly gender-distributed and this throws us off balance,” Rachel said, finally managing to derail the conversation to get a word in, “We're going to have to rework all of our arrangements and choreography. That could take weeks and puts us off schedule for Sectionals.”
It was at this point that Mr. Schuester walked in, “It'll be alright, Rachel,” he said, “We haven't even chosen our songs for this year so the choreography and arrangements haven't been set in stone yet. Besides, glee club is going to be open to new members this week so we might not have an equal distribution of girls and boys anyways by the time we get that far. But what's this about not having a—oh. Brittany, that is you. I thought you were a transfer student in my class today.”
Rachel looked horrified at the thought of not having songs chosen yet while Brittany smiled and shrugged, “It's because of you, Mr. Schue, that I dream so hard.” He tried not to look disturbed at what Brittany had just said and ended up with a confused grimace instead.
“Well, I was going to have you guys sing a song from last year to warm up today, but your new voice is deeper, Brittany. Could you sing 'Somebody to Love' with the boys just this once?” Mr. Schuester asked as he put his bag down on his chair. Brad was already at the piano, having pushed Rachel into standing up and heading towards the rest of the club on the risers.
Brittany looked horrified, “We were supposed to remember things from last year?” Santana put her hand on Brittany's shoulder.
Mr. Schuester didn't know what to say about that. “From the top!” he ended up saying instead, desperately nodding at Brad to start playing.
***
After Glee had finished, everyone stayed in their seats and turned to look at Brittany once again. “Seriously, you can't go around in your Cheerio posing pouch all the time, Brittany.” Puck said from his seat, his arms crossed. “We need to get you some guy clothes before my face melts off from having to stare at your hairy legs.” Finn nodded in agreement while everyone else just shrugged.
“I guess I should try to look more like a boy,” Brittany said, “I am starting to chafe. Kurt, could I borrow some clothes from you?”
Kurt straightened up in his seat and grinned, “I'd love that, Britt,” he said, “I have so many ideas about what you'd look good in.”
Kurt stood up and grabbed Brittany's hand, dragging her out of the choir room. “How do you feel about knee-high boots? I think you have the calves for it.”
“Can I have a whip, too?”
“It can be arranged.”
Puck spoke up in the silence, “Why do I feel like something bad just happened?”
Artie said, “We should have let Brittany walk around in the skirt.”
***
Kurt and Brittany were in his basement staring at his walk-in closet. “My god. It's full of stars.” Brittany said.
“I am pretty proud of it,” Kurt said before walking Brittany towards his pants. They were organized by color, season, and designer. “Now. Let's get started.”
It took three hours, but they had done it. They had put pants on Brittany outside of a performance. There had been arguing about what a season was, what a french blue was, and even what a Banana Boat was, but they had managed to reach an accord and dress Brittany like a boy. Kurt decided to forgive the unfortunate hair bleaching incident that had happened early on as merely a philosophical debate between the two of them if only because he had gotten his way in the end. That and Brittany looked damned good now.
“Can I bend in these pants?” Brittany asked before squatting down and closing her eyes in prayer that she wouldn't hear a rip. When nothing happened, she moved into an elaborate stretching routine in her new, incredibly tight, pants. Kurt bit his lip and tried not to look like he was staring at her ass. It was shaped differently now than before since Brittany was less hippy. It kind of weirded him out how everything about Brittany just screamed girl to him before, but now everything said 'Boy, boy, boy!' Even the parts of her that hadn't really changed like her personality or flat chest.
“So, Brittany.” Kurt said, “It's getting a bit late now. Do you want to stay for dinner or should I drive you home?”
Brittany stood up and turned to look at Kurt, “I thought we were going to like make out.”
“What?” Kurt said. He started looking frantically around the room for a trap.
“Wasn't this flirting? I thought we were flirting. I even showed you my ass.” Brittany said as she sauntered over to Kurt's side so she could run her hand down his arm.
Kurt tried to step away from Brittany's wandering hands, but she followed him around the room. “Brittany. I don't understand.”
“It's pretty simple, Kurt.” Brittany said, “You're a boy, but you're like really gay. But now, I'm a boy too – sort of – and I think I'm like a little gay. So there's nothing stopping us from being boyfriends now. I liked having you as a boyfriend.”
Kurt stopped trying to get away from Brittany and maneuvered her to sit on the couch. “Brittany,” he said, “This is temporary. Everything we would have wouldn't last. I could only be your temporary boyfriend and I don't know if that's fair.”
“But all boyfriends are temporary.” Brittany said. “Please, can we make out? I'll give you a blowjob.”
Kurt tried, but he couldn't really say no to that.
***
Kurt wondered why Brittany tasted like root beer even though he hadn't seen her drink any all day long. It was strange, but it worked for him and kissing her this time worked out a lot better than the last time. They were on his couch again, but now Kurt didn't feel like what was happening was somehow wrong. Kissing Brittany felt right this time and he think a lot of that had to do with the fact that her erection was digging into his hip and turning him on.
“We have been kissing for a long time.” Brittany said when she finally let him up for air.
Kurt looked over at the DVD player, “It's been half an hour.” he said. He hadn't realized it had been that long.
Brittany looked confused, “I've never made out with someone that long without a handjob involved.”
“You're really good at kissing,” Kurt said. He tried not to look nervous at the thought of giving her a handjob
“Thanks,” Brittany said. After a moment's awkward silence, she maneuvered herself off of Kurt's lap and stood up next to the couch, “Sit up, Kurt.”
“Why?” Kurt asked as he did what she requested. Then Brittany got on her knees in front of him and his eyes grew wide in shock. “Oh! You don't have to do this.”
“Don't be silly,” She said, her new deeper voice made everything she said funnier “I promised and everything. You shouldn't be worried, I'm really good at this, I swear. I haven't bitten anyone in, like, years.”
Kurt didn't know if he actually liked how it felt to be both hugely aroused and disturbed at the same time, but it seemed to be working for him right now. He couldn't help watching as Brittany's hands (they were long and almost as large as his, but her feet were still sort of small – they had checked while making out in a fit of silliness) unzipped his pants and handled his erection.
When Brittany actually swallowed him down and he could feel how hot and warm it was to be in another person, Kurt struggled between his eyes shutting in pleasure and staying wide open in shock. This conflict intensified when she actually started sucking, making him gasp for air at the intensity. Soon, the feelings were so strong inside of him that he ended up covering his face with his hands in a desperate attempt to keep himself together.
“Brittany!” Kurt ended up choking out when he no longer felt like he was going to die from pleasure, “Oh god!” He wanted to put his hands somewhere, but he had just finished perfecting her new hairstyle so he ended up gripping his own thighs.
Brittany moved off of his erection with a pop, “Is this ok?” she asked.
Kurt couldn't do anything but laugh and shakily nod.
Brittany smiled and dove back down. Kurt was pretty sure he was going to die.
He didn't, but he did orgasm fairly quickly after that. Kurt would have felt embarrassed by it if he wasn't trying to fight off the urge to faint. He could only stare through blurry eyes as Brittany swallowed from in-between his legs. Her broad, athletic shoulders and bulky torso fit his every fantasy about getting a blowjob in high school. Kurt couldn't help but love Brittany right then.
“This was a little easier to do now that I have a bigger mouth,” Brittany said as she ran her tongue over her teeth and lips.
“Thank you,” Kurt said. He leaned down to hug Brittany. Startled, she jerkily returned the hug at first only to lean in and enjoy herself as it continued.
“You're the best boyfriend a temporary boy could have, Kurt.” Brittany said.
***
The two of them sat on the couch together in silence until they were breathing normally again. “Want to try for yourself?” Brittany asked. Her erection was making her uncomfortable.
Kurt forgot to breathe for a second when what he actually comprehended what she had just said. “I don't know what to do.” He said, afraid of making a fool of himself in front of Brittany. Brittany, of all people.
“That's ok,” Brittany said as she unbuttoned her skinny jeans and unzipped them. “I'll tell you what to do. I find that really helpful when I sleep with people for the first time so it should work if it's your very first time, too.” She tried to get her erection out of her underwear, but she still hadn't transitioned from panties to boy underwear yet (she found the extra holes confusing). With a frustrated noise, she pushed both her pants and underwear down to her knees.
Her penis bobbed in the air, drawing Kurt's eyes down to her crotch. “I, uh. Ok.” He said. His mouth was dry and he felt strange and hollow inside as he went down to his knees in front of Brittany. “Your penis is pretty big.”
Brittany shrugged, “Not really. But thanks! You should say that to every boy, no matter what.” She said as she nodded solemnly. “Now, I'm gonna tell you about a few tricks I've learned over time. It's a bit like cheerleading where you have to get from point a to point b within 5 minutes while doing a lot of flashy moves in between so your audience thinks you're awesome.”
Kurt wrinkled his nose at that metaphor, but figured Brittany knew what she was doing. Brittany continued her lecture, “I came up with names for some of my moves so I can remember them better. Like this –” Brittany moved her head from side to side with her mouth open and her tongue wagging, “is the Bobblehead. And this –” she bobbed up and down with her hand in a cupping gesture beneath her chin, “is the Basket Toss.”
She showed Kurt some more of her tricks, including the Polar Bear, the Human Pyramid, and the Piranha Swim (but that wasn't for beginners). Kurt felt like he should be writing down notes as time went on, but Brittany was talking so fast and some of her gestures were so far over his head that he didn't even know how he would remember them. Once she had finished speaking, though, and looked down at him so encouragingly, Kurt figured he was just going to have do his best. He wanted Brittany to like what he was doing.
Kurt hadn't even gotten through a full Herkie when things went horribly wrong. Brittany's penis was only halfway in his mouth when she gave a startled “Oh my god!” from above him and curled up over his head, messing up his hair. She thrust forward into his mouth, gagging him before ejaculating, making his eyes go wide as he felt the heat from her semen hitting the back of his mouth. Desperate to breathe, Kurt pushed at her torso until she moved back on the couch, her penis leaving his mouth only to keep ejaculating, hitting him on the face and up his nose.
“I'm so sorry!” Brittany said in horror. She grabbed him by the shoulders and helped him onto the couch while he tried to catch his breath. “I didn't mean to do that. It's just, it felt so different from anything I've ever felt before. Are you ok?”
Kurt tried to wave away her concern, but he was having a hard time breathing as his nostrils and throat burned. He wiped at his face and tried to cough, only to go pale, “I think I'm going to vomit.” he said in a wavering voice.
Brittany immediately slid further away on the couch from Kurt. “I'm so so sorry.” she said as she watched Kurt move his head in between his knees. “Can I get you anything?”
“Water.” he said as he tried to blow his nose. “And a washcloth.” Brittany ran to the bathroom.
***
Once they had managed to successfully clean Kurt up and seat themselves on the couch again, Brittany hugged Kurt from the side. “I'm really sorry about that. It just felt so weird, like the opposite of an orgasm, so I didn't even know I was going to come until too late. I hate that I ruined everything.”
“It's ok, Brittany.” Kurt said, patting her head on his shoulder, “I guess you're just as much a virgin to being a guy as I am to. Well. Everything.”
Brittany nodded sadly before laying her chin on Kurt's shoulder. “Let me make it up to you.” She said.
That's when they heard the front door slam.
“That's my dad!” Kurt said, “We can't do anything while he's here, he'll kill me!” He stood up and pulled down his clothes and fixed his hair.
“I want to make this up to you, Kurt.” Brittany said, “I feel really bad.”
Kurt looked up the stairs. “Not now, Britt.” he said, “Are you staying for dinner?”
Brittany stood up slowly, “I think I should go home. But you should come by my house tomorrow.”
“Fine!” Kurt said. He grabbed Brittany's arm and pulled her towards the stairs, “I'll be by tomorrow.”
They reached the top of the stairs in time to see Burt Hummel about to enter the living room. “Hey, Kurt” he said before peering at the two boys in his hallway in suspicion. “Who's your friend?”
“This is Bri—Brett,” Kurt said, “He's visiting Lima for a little while and we were just hanging out.” Kurt tried to not look nervous while Brittany stood by his side quietly.
Burt nodded slowly at what his son had said, “Hanging out, huh?”
Kurt nodded frantically, “Yeah.”
“Ok. Are you here for dinner, Brett?” Burt asked, his head tilting in a manner similar to a cat about to jump on a mouse. Brittany shook her head quickly.
“I was just going to see Brett to the door,” Kurt said, “Sh-uh. He has to go home now. It's getting late.” Kurt turned Brittany around and pushed her to the door. They were halfway outside when they heard Burt call from the hallway.
“As long as it stays hanging out and doesn't become something else. If I come home to any form of teenage sex, that's when the killing happens!” He sounded so cheerful as he spoke.
“Dad!” Kurt yelled as he turned around to glare at his dad. Burt just smiled and shrugged in an exaggerated 'What are you going to do about it?' sort of way.
“I'll see you tomorrow, Brittany.” Kurt said as he stepped out onto the porch.
“Definitely my house tomorrow.” Brittany said with a worried look towards the front door.
Kurt nodded before hugging Brittany. She left quickly, but tried to look like she wasn't running. Being a boy sucked sometimes.
***
When Kurt rang the doorbell to Brittany's house, he wasn't expecting her to tear open the door and grab him by the shoulders while she kissed him. He barely got a complaint out about wrinkling his shirt before she had dragged him into the hallway and was frantically kissing him while he pushed at her broad chest to try and get her off him. “Brittany! What are you doing?”
“I'm trying to speed up the making out part so we can get to having sex.” She said, talking into his mouth in between kisses. “I figure I owe you an awesome fuck so we're going to have to start now if we want to get done before curfew.”
Kurt was stunned. He stood there while Brittany continued to attack his face, once going so far as to actually lick his cheek. This was a lot more than he had ever expected and he didn't know how to process what was happening. Then Brittany grabbed his ass and pulled their groins together, her erection hard and hot. It made him harden and groan while she moved to kiss his neck and ground her hips lewdly against him.
Kurt wished he could say that he was stronger than Hurricane Brittany, but he was sixteen and lonely and she was a really hot boy who didn't want to punch him. Somehow they stumbled upstairs into her massive, sunny yellow bedroom with its huge bed and duck border wallpaper (apparently, her walls hadn't been re-done since she was born, something so devastating to hear that Kurt almost lost his erection). There was a slight struggle over who would be on top that ended with Brittany winning since she had a better idea of how to have anal sex without tearing something – and she promised that she had been working on her premature ejaculation problem. “Don't worry,” she said, “I masturbated like twenty times last night until I was used to feeling like I was orgasming backwards.”
Kurt didn't know what to say to that so he kept quiet when Brittany asked him to strip and then get on his hands and knees. He felt something cold and wet on his lower back and jerked up until Brittany said, “Sorry, it's cold. It should warm up soon.” He could feel her fingers rubbing along his lower back until he was warm and not as tense.
That is until he felt her fingers heading towards his ass. “Brittany?” he asked.
“Hm?” she said before pressing, but not penetrating his body.
“I don't know about this. It's really weird. I'm weirded out.” Kurt said. He didn't move away from her hands, but he wanted to.
Brittany's hands stopped moving over his ass. “Do you not want to do this like this? We could get drunk or sniff my nail polish first instead.”
“I do,” Kurt said, hiding his face in the pillows, “But I don't. I don't know, Brittany. I'm really confused.”
Brittany sighed and then slapped him on the ass. “Turn over. Maybe if we kiss while we do it, it won't be as weird. It is strange for me to see the back of your head instead of the wall or a car window when having anal sex, too. I like being a boy, but it's nothing like being a girl sometimes.”
Kurt grimaced when he felt his wet back hit the comforter but when Brittany laid on top of him and kissed him, he did feel better. When her hand did eventually reach back down to finger his ass, he was able to look at her face and concentrate on trying to separate her girl features from her new boy ones. Her eyes were the same, but farther apart; her mouth was bigger, but her lips hadn't changed; She was still Brittany and she was still his friend.
Brittany reached under the pillows and pulled out her diary. She grabbed a condom from in between the pages and rolled it onto her penis while Kurt watched with wide eyes. Suddenly there was more lubricant and everything was shiny and pointing at him. She leaned back onto her knees and pulled apart his thighs before laying on top of him again. “You have to tell me what's going on,” she said, “I'm not psychic like Rachel.”
And then she was moving inside of him. He could feel everything and it was like his body was trying to claw out of his skin. It was too much for Kurt, but he didn't want Brittany to stop either so he ended up just moaning and trying not to close his eyes.
“Kurt! It's too much, you're so tight! How do I stop?” Brittany said suddenly, forcing Kurt out of his own head to look down and see her stopped halfway inside of him. Her thighs were shaking and she looked devastated. Kurt got up onto his elbows and reached down to grab the base of her cock.
“Squeeze tight like this,” Kurt said as he waited for Brittany to nod and shakily move her own hand down to hold the base of her cock tight. He reached around and held onto her balls, pulling lighter than he would himself until they were no longer tense and near her body. He heard Brittany sigh. He let go and leaned back until he could see in between their legs again. Brittany was still holding onto her cock, but lightly now.
Brittany let go of her cock and moved her hand onto his cock. He was limp, but feeling someone else's hand there made him twitch and harden. “Thanks, Kurt.” Brittany said as she stroked him until he was hard. When he had relaxed into her touch, she unexpectedly pushed forward again, seating herself completely inside of him and making his grunt in surprise. “I'll make this good for you, I swear.”
And then she preceded to fuck the hell out of him.
She started slow, but once she realized that Kurt was enjoying himself, she started to thrust harder until she was bottoming out inside of his ass with every thrust. Everytime she felt like she was going to come, she would pull out, making Kurt moan mindlessly while she pulled him into a new position. “We'll keep going until we find the position you really like,” she said, making Kurt boggle at the idea. But they kept it up, first getting him back on his hands and knees until his elbows gave out under the force of her thrusts. And then they ended up spooning with Brittany rolling her body against his back while she jerked him off. It wasn't until they maneuvered themselves so Brittany was on her back and Kurt was sitting on top of her that they found his prostate, sending Kurt into a frenzy where he braced himself against her ribcage with his hands while pushing himself off and on her cock. When Brittany reached down and let him fuck his dick into her fist while they were fucking, he came hard. Shuddering through the aftershocks, Kurt fell down on top of Brittany and moaned.
“You're so pretty,” Brittany said while she stroked his hair and back. She hadn't stopped thrusting into him, but was going much slower than before while he recovered. “You remind me of a Precious Moments doll.” Kurt laughed and kissed her collarbone.
He kept kissing her then, wanting to thank her for the greatest orgasm of his life. Kurt moved over and down to her armpit and, wrinkling his nose, licked. It actually wasn't bad to Kurt's surprise so he kept going, getting the shock of his life when Brittany moaned and grabbed at his head to keep him there.
“Kurt!” Brittany shouted. “Oh, I've gotta, I'm gonna.” She said as she rolled them over so he was on his back again. She kept his head in her armpit as she thrust hard into his body, making him shout as she started fucking into him hard. It didn't last long before she had come to a stuttering halt inside his body while she grunted.
Brittany quickly got off of him after that so she could get rid of the condom, but she came back to the bed as quickly as she could with a giant smile and hugged him close while she kissed him. Kurt couldn't help smiling back and their hugging soon became a wrestling match as they fought to stay out of the wet spot.
Giggling, the two of them fell asleep for a little while only to wake up and gasp in shock at the late time. Kurt scrambled to get dressed while Brittany pretended to help. They were at the door before Brittany grabbed his and hand and tugged.
“Tomorrow,” she said, “You have to come back tomorrow so you can fuck me.” Kurt was pretty sure his life wasn't supposed to be this awesome.
***
Being temporary boyfriends took up a lot of their time as they tried to see each other in the hallways between classes so they could hold hands and kiss when no one was looking. Mercedes was giving Kurt confused looks whenever they were together, but he couldn't tell her about what he was doing with Brittany. He just knew she'd give him a sad look and make him feel bad and say he had low self-esteem or something. Kurt didn't know what Brittany had told Santana about what they were doing, but Santana didn't glare at him any more or less than before so he figured she had been discreet.
Wednesday night at Brittany's wasn't as mindblowingly crazy as Tuesday was, but that was mainly because Kurt and Brittany were both still pretty sore from the night before. Kurt had bruises on his inner thighs that he couldn't help pushing against whenever he was alone. Brittany told him that Tuesday night had been the best ab workout she had had all year.
When they did have sex on Wednesday, it was slower and more gentle. Kurt now understood just how overwhelmed Brittany had been. When he first penetrated her, he almost came himself but years of experience in denial (his ninth grade science teacher had looked like Zac Efron and his desk partner had been Karofsky) had got him through it. It had kind of spontaneously happened right in the middle of watching America's Next Top Model in her living room, but Kurt felt like he had a good relationship with couches by now. They stayed in the doggy style position throughout, largely because Kurt was pretty sure that actually leaving Brittany's ass was beyond him. It was nice to be on top, especially since Brittany didn't think it was funny or weird that he would want to fuck her. She just sort of assumed that he would.
Kurt had given up on being embarrassed around Brittany around the time she came on his face so the fact that both of them had climaxed within ten minutes of starting didn't bother him too much. Brittany had just shrugged when he apologized and said, “That was longer than most guys last. You're not bad for a virgin.” Kurt was feeling pretty good about himself around then and they both had settled down to watch the end of Top Model together.
After that, they took a shower together which led to a second round of sex with Kurt thrusting into Brittany against the tile shower wall. She was too heavy for him to hold up so she just wrapped one leg around him and stayed on her toes with the other. When she came, it was all over his chest and hers since they were so close together. It was strange how Brittany had a hairy chest and he didn't, but boy Brittany was a lot more rugged-looking than you would expect for such a cheery person.
They ended up on her bed after the shower, sort of making out, sort of talking about who should have been kicked off America's Next Top Model for awhile. “You're a good boyfriend, Britt.” Kurt told her while they lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
Brittany held his hand and squeezed, letting their fingers interlace, “It's nice having a boyfriend who likes the same things I do.” She said, “I mean, usually I just have sex with Santana for that, but she's not my girlfriend when I'm a girl. Or when I'm a boy it seems.”
Kurt turned to look at Brittany. She looked sad, “Am I keeping you away from Santana?” He asked, “She's your best friend, I don't want to get in the middle of that.”
Brittany shook her head, “She's been busy trying to seduce some of the new kids. One's on the hockey team and one's a football player. I don't want to bother her until their credit scores come in.”
Sometimes, Brittany said things that made Kurt's head hurt. This was one of those times, so he just kept quiet and held onto her hand.
Brittany sighed and looked over at her alarm clock. “You should go, Kurt,” she said, “Before your dad finds me and skins me. Are you sure he doesn't know Steven Seagal?”
Kurt laughed before moving to get dressed, “I'm pretty sure. Can I come over tomorrow?”
Brittany nodded. “We can watch The Vampire Diaries.”
***
When Santana knocked on Brittany's door Thursday evening, she had not expected to see Kurt Hummel. “What are you doing here?” she said, glaring at him as she licked her lips in disgust.
“Santana,” Kurt said, cool as a cucumber. “Won't you come in?” He opened the door wide like he lived there. Santana stalked past him and rolled her eyes at his Ice Queen act. She hit him with her heavy backpack as he shut the door, pretending it was an accident as she turned to head towards the living room. The only reason she didn't make him bleed was because he was wearing a Cheerios uniform.
“Santana!” Brittany said with a happy little dance as she jumped off the couch, “What are you doing here?”
“It's Thursday,” Santana said, trying not to look upset. “It's Girls' Night. Why wouldn't I be here?”
Brittany deflated when she heard that, “But I'm not a girl right now. I didn't think you'd want to hang out.”
“You are always my girl, Britt.” Santana said as she dropped her backpack to the floor.
Brittany smiled and bounced over to hug Santana. “This is great! Now I have you and Kurt here. This is going to be the best night ever.”
Santana pushed Brittany away so she could glare at Kurt who was sitting himself down on the couch. In her seat. “Just what were you planning to do with Kurt tonight anyways.”
“Oh, we were going to have a Boys' Night where we watched Vampire Diaries while giving each other manicures and then we were going to have sex.” Kurt choked on his own spit when he heard Brittany say that while Santana just raised an eyebrow and glared at him.
Santana was mad. “But that's what we do for Girls' Night.” she said, crossing her arms as she looked at Brittany. Kurt's eyes widened and he leaned closer to hear everything in case they started whispering.
“And now all three of us can do it!” Brittany said, oblivious to Santana's anger, as usual.
Santana wasn't interested, “I just don't see why that has to be here,” she said with a jerk of her head towards Kurt.
Brittany finally understood that Santana was actually mad at her instead of at the world, “Because he's my temporary boyfriend and I might not be a boy much longer so we're trying to get like all the positions in while we can.”
“I'm sorry, Brittany, but I'm not interested in a threesome with Beauty School Dropout over there. I thought this was our night.” Santana said as she leaned in towards Brittany.
Kurt spoke up from the couch, “And what makes you think I want to get myself anywhere near that bowling lane Santana has between her legs, Brittany?” He tried not to look scared as he spoke, raising his eyebrow and crossing his arms on his chest.
Brittany pouted and put her hands up in a prayer position while she looked between her two friends, “Can't we get along for one night? Kurt was here first and I promised, Santana. I promised. Please please please?” She said, continuing the iteration of pleases under her breath as the two stared at each other.
Santana always had been a sucker. “I prefer community pool,” she said with a sniff. Kurt snorted in laughter and then looked disgusted at himself for snorting. Santana allowed herself a small smile at that before heading towards the couch. “But that's where I sit.”
Kurt moved.
***
They didn't manage to watch the full episode because Brittany got overly excited after her nail polish dried to wait any longer. Kurt was working on Santana's cuticles when Brittany pushed her hand under Santana's skirt and started to finger her. Santana moaned and pulled her hands away from Kurt in order to pull Brittany closer. Kissing each other was so familiar it was near instinctual so the surprise Santana felt when she grabbed Brittany's dick was enough to make her stop moving entirely as her brain tried to catch up.
“This is weird,” Santana said.
Brittany rubbed her fingers against Santana's clitoris hard enough to make her throw her head back, “You'll get used to it.”
While Brittany and Santana made out, Kurt didn't really know what to do with himself. He didn't actually want to look at them as they were grinding, largely because it was grossing him out, so he packed away the manicure set and pushed the coffee table away from the couch.
When Brittany and Santana had managed to remove their shirts and Kurt actually saw Santana's breasts just kind of flopping around, he got up and sat in the club chair nearby. This was enough to distract Santana from Brittany sucking at her ear to look over, “It looks like we scared your queer, Britt.” She said with a grin. Kurt glared at her and restrained from sticking his tongue out.
“Hey,” Brittany said, “Don't say that. I'm pretty sure I'm at least half queer right now. Are you bored, Kurt? We can work something out.” She sat up on the couch, making Santana pout until she realized that Brittany had left her hand on her pubic bone and was pressing down.
Grinding against Brittany's hand, Santana spoke up, “I want you to fuck him, Brittany. Get the bitch on his back with his legs in the air.” Kurt made a face at Santana's language but kept quiet since Brittany had perked up at the idea and was stepping away from the couch towards him with a grin. The look on Santana's face when Brittany stopped masturbating her was worth it.
Brittany stopped in front of Kurt and asked, “Are you ok with that?” but he was too busy taking off his clothes to answer.
Brittany grabbed Kurt's hands when he was done and pulled him to the space he had made in front of the couch. She pulled a blanket off of the back of the couch and laid it down on the floor, pushing Kurt on top of it. Santana passed Brittany a tube of lubricant and condoms from somewhere and sat back to watch as Brittany worked to stretch Kurt open. Kurt had a hand on Brittany's shoulder as she fingerfucked him and one on his chest; everything felt surreal about this past week anyway.
Soon enough, Brittany was fucking him again; they seemed to have grown used to each other, falling into an easy rhythm. Brittany had followed his hand's lead and was rubbing his chest, occasionally pinching his nipples in a way that made him shiver beneath the weight of her body. She had a broader chest than him and her chest hair abraded his skin.
“Do you mind if Grayson and I join in?” Kurt heard Santana say from above them. He looked over and saw her rolling a condom over her penis. Santana had a strap-on. Kurt grabbed Brittany's shoulders with his hands and tried to not look frightened.
Brittany just moaned and thrust hard into Kurt. “Hurry,” she said as she stayed deep inside him, making him squirm around her dick.
Santana gave that rare broad smile of hers before falling to kneel behind Brittany's ass. She was quick with the lubricant, making Brittany moan at how rough she was, but incredibly gentle when actually penetrating Brittany. Brittany was trembling until Santana hit bottom, pushing her into Kurt's ass with the pressure of her thrust making all three of them moan.
Things were pretty wild after that, with Santana in the lead, fucking Brittany and Kurt at the same time. Brittany was mindless with sensation while Santana pushed her back and forth between their bodies. Kurt was just trying to catch his breath at the quick pace Santana was setting, the weight of the two bodies on top of him keeping him flat on the floor. Santana just smiled at the sight of two people going out of their minds beneath her and let her eyes roll back whenever a really hard thrust pushed the base of the strap-on into her pubic bone.
When Santana managed to maneuver Brittany's cock so it hit Kurt's prostate, Kurt couldn't help the yelp he gave. Santana grinned and stabilized her position so she could keep fucking Brittany into Kurt right there, making Kurt shudder and moan. He squeezed down on Brittany's dick, trying to keep her still, but it was impossible with Santana above them.
Brittany, for her part, was pretty sure this was the dream she was having that made her a boy. It made more sense than any other possibility. So when Santana hit her prostate just as Kurt squeezed down on her dick again, Brittany wasn't surprised that she climaxed.
Santana knew how Brittany moaned and when she heard her get off, even though it was in that strange new deep voice of hers, Santana figured she should get up and let Brittany relax. As soon as Brittany rolled to the side, she could see that Kurt was still hard. Santana grinned as she rolled the condom off the dildo, “Well, Kurt. It looks like you and I have the same problem. My dick is aching to get off just as much as yours. So how about I give your cunt some exercise with a new set of equipment?”
Kurt closed his legs, “Oh no, Santana. No. That thing isn't even real.” Not to mention it was bigger than Brittany, he couldn't help thinking as he talked.
Santana laughed and searched for another condom. She waved the packet in her hand while grinning before opening it and rolling it down the dildo, adjusting the strap-on again so it wouldn't slip. Brittany was by Kurt's side, hands clasped beneath her chin as she muttered “Please, please, please” under her breath into his ear.
Santana muscled his legs apart and was kneeling between his thighs, Kurt couldn't help shaking his head as he closed his eyes. Sighing, Santana poked him in the stomach and said, “Ok, seriously. Do you want to do this or not? I can't tell if you're really not into this or just acting like a shy virgin to piss me off.”
Kurt opened his eyes and looked at Santana. She actually seemed concerned. Kurt took a deep breath and pushed Santana away. “Oh, what the hell,” he said as got up onto his hands and knees. “It's not like I have much to be shy about anymore.” Hopefully, this way he wouldn't have to see her tits and could pretend it was a boy behind him. In some ways, Santana was more of a man than he or Brittany were.
The dildo didn't feel anything like a real penis as it lacked give while going up his ass, but it wasn't unpleasant, “You're such a good boy, Kurt,” Santana whispered into his ear, “And you have all the makings of being a great girlfriend, too.”
Kurt moved his hand back to dig his fingers into Santana's thigh, “I'm not a girl,” he said as he tried to keep his balance while she fucked him.
“Whatever,” Santana said, leaning forward until she found the angle that made Kurt squeak “Just remember one thing: Never say no.”
***
Epilogue
Kurt didn't see Brittany or Santana on Friday until after school had ended. He was at his locker getting his books when he heard someone cough behind him. He turned around and saw Brittany and Santana standing there, pinkies interlocked as they smiled at him like creepy twins. “Hi.” he said, eyebrow raised in confusion.
Santana broke free in order to step into his personal space. “We need to talk,” she said as she slammed his locker shut.
“Ok,” Kurt said. He looked between the two of them for some sort of clue about where this was going, but their faces were blank except for their matching smiles.
Brittany finally talked, “I went to the doctor today and he told me that he had seen my condition before. Turns out, I'm only going to be a boy for a week so I can only be your boyfriend until Monday.” She looked sad at the thought.
Kurt took her hand, “I wasn't expecting forever, Brittany. We knew this would happen, it's ok.” Brittany cheered up instantly, making Kurt smile.
“So here's what you're going to do,” Santana said as she glared at him, “You're going to tell your dad that you're spending the night at Brittany's tonight; have yourself a little sleepover to practice for Cheerios. Then, tomorrow you're going to tell him that you're going to spend the night at mine so you can work on a Glee project.”
“What?” Kurt asked, turning to stare at Santana in disbelief.
“It's Brittany's last weekend as a boy so she's going to spend it with her boyfriend and best friend doing whatever she wants until your ass falls off.” Santana said with a happy smile that actually scared Kurt more than any other expression he had ever seen her make.
Brittany smiled and gave the both of them little hugs before grabbing Kurt's arm and dragging him down the hall. Santana wrapped herself around his other arm and slowed them down until they were strutting past the other students, a wall of red and white polyester. Kurt was pretty sure he was dreaming because there was no way his life could ever be this awesome.