Chapter Text
It was a few days after Shane had ended things with Rose that he decided to sit Hayden down. The season was over, and with the upcoming all-stars he had been thinking a lot about his identity and priorities.
Rose had known he was gay. Sure, they had been dating and Shane’s inability to perform in the bedroom was a huge factor in her figuring that out, but he knew he couldn’t hide it much longer, especially not from his best friend.
They met at a restaurant. Not a particularly fancy one, and one far enough away from the arena that it wasn’t likely they’d be spotted by any die-hards. Shane got there first, ordering a house salad with no croutons and a ginger ale while he waited for Hayden to show.
His food hadn’t arrived yet when his friend walked through the door. He had a hat on, as did Shane, and waited until he was at the table before greeting him.
“Dude!” He whisper-yelled, patting Shane on the back. “Long time no see!”
Shane bobbed his head, slightly ashamed for his lack of communication over the past couple of weeks. He hadn’t seen Hayden since their last team meeting before breaking for the summer, and he felt bad. “Sorry, been busy.”
“I bet.” Hayden grabbed the menu and ordered a burger and beer as Shane sipped on his ginger ale. “How’s Rose?”
“Good, good.” Shane fiddled with the string of his hoodie before deciding to just bite the bullet. “We, uh, we broke up.”
“Oh. Sorry to hear that.” Hayden sounded like he meant it. Shane knew that he had really liked Rose, even though they had only met a handful of times.
“It’s okay.”
“Did something happen?”
Shane took a breath. “That’s actually why I wanted to talk to you.”
Hayden went slightly pale. “She’s not pregnant, is she?”
“Oh god, no!”
“Thank fuck.”
“No, we just weren’t… compatible.”
“Compatible?” Hayden rose a brow. “You weren’t compatible with Rose fucking Landry? Dude, I’m married and I’d be compatible with her!”
Shane hissed and looked around as Hayden’s voice grew. There was only one other table and they were on the other side of the restaurant, but voices, specifically Hayden’s, carried. “It had nothing to do with her.”
“Right. It’s not you, it’s me?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“So… what? What happened?”
Hayden was his best friend. He had known him for years. And yet the thought of revealing this secret, this secret that he hadn’t even admitted to himself until days ago, terrified him more than he thought was possible.
“I need…” Shane started then cut himself off. He hadn’t actually made a plan of how he was going to tell Hayden, having been more worried about the prospect itself than the execution. “I need you to know that I’m still me.”
Hayden leant back in his chair. “Okay, now I’m scared. Are you dying or something?”
“No. I just… You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to do or say anything that would jeopardize that.”
Hayden’s face softened at that. “Shane, buddy, you’re my best friend too. You can tell me anything.”
Shane felt tears starting to well up in his eyes, the similarity between this conversation and the one he had with Rose not overlooked. “I, uh…” he steeled himself. “I’m gay.”
There was a moment of silence, then Hayden repeated, “gay?”
Shane nodded.
“Like… men gay?”
“Is there any other kind?”
“But you were dating Rose.”
“And we broke up.”
“Because you’re gay.”
“Because I’m gay.”
Hayden took a swig of his beer. “Oh-kayyy, uhhh….”
“Sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you.”
“No! No.” Hayden looked at him with wide eyes and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “Sorry. I’m just surprised, is all. So Rose was, what, your beard?”
Shane shrugged. “Not really. She didn’t know, if that’s what you mean. We had dinner the other night and she asked me if I was.”
“She asked you?”
“Yeah.”
“Dude.” Hayden covered his mouth, obviously trying to stifle a laugh. “Your girlfriend came out for you?”
Shane laughed at that. The concept was pretty comical, even if it hadn’t felt so at the time. “Yeah. She, uh, told me. That I was gay.”
Hayden smiled widely. “That’s hilarious.”
“I guess it is.”
They chuckled together for a bit, then their food arrived. Shane got a second ginger ale and began picking around his salad, watching with thinly veiled jealousy as Hayden took a chomp out of his massive burger.
Not paying any mind to the stream of grease running down his chin, Hayden said, “so it was mutual?”
“Yeah. We’re friends.”
“That’s good. She’s fun.”
Shane agreed. He truly did like spending time with Rose, even if he hadn’t enjoyed the romantic elements of dating her. She was a breath of fresh air from the hyper-masculinity that followed him throughout the NHL.
“What made her figure it out?” Hayden had moved onto his fries, dipping them in the mound of ketchup he had squirted on his plate. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“It’s awkward.”
Hayden looked at him. “More or less awkward than telling me you’re gay?”
“More. Definitely more.”
He nodded knowingly. “Sex stuff.”
Shane made a face but didn’t deny it, earning himself a smug grin from the other man. “Fuck off.”
Hayden raised his glass in a mock salute, then took another swig. “So she found out through sex stuff. How long have you known?”
Although Shane was still reeling from his friend determining that he hadn’t been able to get it up with Rose ‘fucking’ Landry (it was true, but hey!), the question took him by surprise. He hadn’t expected Hayden to want to know, or to care enough to ask. “A while, I guess? I mean, I’ve known for a long time now that I like guys, but it wasn’t really until Rose pointed it out that I realized I didn’t like girls.”
There was a beat of silence as Hayden chewed thoughtfully. Shane hadn’t actually taken a single bite of his salad, but he decided it could wait. He wasn’t really that hungry anymore anyways.
“What about Lily?” It came out quietly, almost a whisper, Hayden’s eyes trained on his half-finished burger. “I thought maybe that was serious. It was at the very least consistent.”
Shane took a long sip of his ginger ale. “Lily isn’t… I mean… she’s not-”
“She’s not a she, is she?”
Shane shook his head. “No. She’s a he.”
“Wow.” Hayden looked dumbfounded. “You’ve been texting her- him for what, seven years?”
“Give or take.”
“So it’s serious?”
Shane tried not to look as hurt as he probably did, but Hayden’s face told him that he didn’t succeed.
“Sorry, man.”
“It’s okay. It’s… complicated, I guess.”
“I get it. I mean, I don’t. But I do?” Hayden shook his head at himself. “You know what I mean. I’m here for you, bud. No matter what. You being gay doesn’t change that.”
“Thank you, Hayden.” He meant it, truly. He had been so scared of telling him about this secret, even more so than when he thought about telling his parents. He couldn’t imagine doing what he did without the other player by his side.
“And hey!” Hayden’s face brightened. “You’ll be in beautiful Tampa, Florida in just a couple of weeks, man! There have got to be some hot dudes down there.”
Shane felt his face flush again. He was sure that there would be some hot dudes there, but there was only one that came to mind…. “Uh, yeah. Maybe.”
“I expect details when you get back.”
So now that was two people who expected him to come back from the all-stars with a boyfriend, or at the very least some interesting hook-up stories. Rose had texted him that very morning with her own demand.
“Yes, okay. Details. Sure.”
Hayden grinned and got back to his burger. Shane finally began eating his salad, wishing retrospectively that he had gotten croutons.
Then next time Hayden opened his mouth, Shane half-expected more questions about his sexuality to come out, but instead he began rambling about hockey. Like they always did.
Shane was happy that he had friends, two now, that knew and accepted him. He should have been happier, but there was still an ache in his heart that he knew only one person could heal.
Ilya Rozanov.
***
Shane came back from the all-stars a different man.
JJ had noticed before Hayden had, actually. The man came up to him one day after practice and, in a hushed voice, asked if Shane was on drugs.
It seemed that way.
Shane had been… smiley, for lack of a better word. On top of the deep Florida tan that he now sported, it looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Hayden, being the horrible person he was, hadn’t even noticed his best friend had been acting gloomy until he was happy again.
Hayden wondered if it was partially because Shane had come out to him, but in the few weeks in between that day at the restaurant and when he left for Tampa nothing really had changed. It was only after the all-stars that he started acting differently.
So what had happened?
He got his answer when, one day after a particularly rough practice, he noticed Shane smiling down at his phone in the locker room. He hadn’t even taken his left glove off yet and was typing only with his exposed right hand. Hayden, who was openly and unapologetically a snoop, glanced down at the screen and caught the name of who he was texting right as Shane noticed and flipped his phone over.
Hayden grinned widely, looking at Shane with his deer-in-headlights eyes. “Lily?”
“Shut up.”
“You two back together or something?”
“Seriously, Hayden, fuck off.”
Ah, but Hayden seriously did not fuck off. “You are! Oh my god, did you tell him that you broke up with Rose?” He made sure his voice was hushed, even though they were the only two people there.
Shane clenched his jaw and looked around at the empty room. “Yeah. I told him.”
“Congrats, dude!” Hayden patted him on the back good-naturedly. “You deserve it.”
“Thanks, asshole.”
“Hey, I mean it! You seem happier.”
Shane paused. “I do?”
“Yeah, man. Even JJ’s noticed.”
Hayden saw the blush creep onto Shane’s cheeks and flicked him on the padded arm. “You’re in loooove.”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
Shane was about to retort back, likely with the same thing, when his phone buzzed again.
Hayden leant against his locker, eyes raised as he glanced towards Shane’s overturned phone. “God, you’re smitten.”
Shane glared at him as he read his newest message from his mystery lover. Hayden didn’t say anything about the way he licked his lips before replacing his phone back on his shelf.
“So… when do I get to meet this Lily-guy?”
“Never.”
Hayden pouted. “Never?”
“Nope.”
“C’mon! You’re my friend!”
“I won’t be if you keep this up.”
“We play in Boston in, what, a week? I can meet him then!”
“No.”
Hayden rolled his eyes. “Has Rose met him?”
“No one has met him.” Shane finally took his padding off, revealing the black underclothes he always wore. “And no one will.”
“Jesus, you meet all of our significant others.”
“He’s not-” Shane caught himself. “He’s not my significant other.”
“But he’s significant to you, is he not?”
“I mean… yeah, but-”
“But what? Seriously, dude. I promise I’ll be supportive. You’ve been seeing this guy for almost a decade! That’s longer than Jackie and I have even known each other, and we have three kids!” He softened his voice. “If you’re really not comfortable with it, that’s fine. But I feel like I’ve only just gotten to really know my best friend.”
“You know me.”
“I just found out that you’re gay.”
“I just found out I’m gay.”
“Still.”
Shane looked at him with an indescribable emotion in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I just can’t. It’s not… He’s not… It has nothing to do with you. Seriously. It’s complicated.”
Hayden couldn’t help but feel hurt, but he also knew he needed to be a supportive friend. “Okay. Well know that I would never judge you.”
Shane huffed, and Hayden thought for a moment that there was a glint of something in his face, but then it disappeared. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”
That night, as Hayden got his kids ready for bed, he thought about Shane’s Boston boy. There was no way, absolutely none, than a ray of sunshine like Shane Hollander could be in a relationship with someone for that long without it meaning something to him.
So maybe, just maybe, if he needed a little push to realize he was gay, he needed a little push to realize he was in love.
And Hayden knew just the person to reach out to for help.
***
Rose had given Hayden Pike her contact information the first time they met. He was a fan, as he freely admitted to her face, but Shane assured her he was harmless. And, being her boyfriend’s best friend, she thought it wouldn’t hurt if they were able to reach one another in an emergency.
But Shane hadn’t been Rose’s boyfriend for over two months, so why Hayden wanted to meet with her now, she didn’t know.
But she met with him anyway. It worked out best for them and their schedules to connect in New York, him the night before their game with the Admirals and her before she flew back to LA after shooting some scenes in the city.
She had him choose the restaurant, someplace low-key. She had no idea what she was walking into and was slightly surprised to see him sitting at a table alone.
“Uh… hi,” she said awkwardly as she walked up to him.
He smiled warmly, standing up to pull out a chair. “Hi Rose. Sorry I haven’t reached out in a while, how are you?”
“I’m good, thanks. You?”
“Good, yeah. Same.”
Rose nodded. “So… why did you want to speak with me?”
Hayden let out a breath, seemingly grateful of the fact that Rose wasn’t the type of person to beat around the bush. “It’s about Shane.”
“Is he okay?” Rose leant forward. She and Shane texted nearly every day, and Rose had been planning on going to the game the next day to see him. The media knew they weren’t together anymore, but their friendship was still very public.
“Yeah. Totally. Better than okay, to be honest.”
She blew out a sigh of relief. “Good.”
“I wanted to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
“He, uh, came out to me a few weeks ago.”
Rose tilted her head. “He did?”
“Yeah.”
“How did that go?” She realized after she said it that the question could be taken in a wrong way. “I mean… it’s good that he came out to you. I think it’s healthy. He said there aren’t any out hockey players in the NHL.”
“He’s right, there aren’t. He’s still not out. Not like, fully. Just to me and you, I think. And Lily.”
Rose’s brow creased. “Who’s Lily?”
Hayden looked at her in surprise. “You… don’t know Lily?”
“Never heard of her. Some friend of Shane’s?”
“She’s not-” Hayden suddenly looked like he was about to pass out. “He’s…”
“He?”
“Yeah. Lily’s a guy.”
Ah. That did not help at all with Rose’s growing confusion.
“I thought maybe Shane would’ve told you about him. Especially after coming out to you.”
“It was more like he came out by me, to be fair.”
Hayden chuckled. “Right. He did tell me that.”
“So who is he? Lily?”
“He and Shane are together. I think. To be honest I don’t know the extent of their relationship, but they’ve been texting for, like, years. Like 8 years. Not that Shane ever cheated on you! I think they broke up, or something, then he got with you. Then you guys broke up, and he went to Florida, and he came back all giggly, and now he and Lily are texting each other again.”
Rose blinked. Hayden talked fast, but she thought she got the gist of what he was saying. “So they’re lovers?”
“Or something. Shane is definitely in love with him.”
“Right. So?”
“So… I wanted to know if maybe you knew who he was.”
“I didn’t even know he existed.”
Hayden slapped his hand on the table, not forcefully but enough to cause Rose’s eyes to widen. “That’s the problem! He came out to you, he came out to me. Both of us were accepting because we’re not douchebags, but he doesn’t want to tell us about the guy he’s been in a relationship with for years?”
“Maybe the guy is shy?”
Hayden scoffed. “At least show us a picture. Or tell us his real name!”
“Maybe Lily is his real name.” Rose knew she was grasping at straws, but a part of her wanted to protect Shane’s privacy.
“Shane more or less told me it wasn’t. I didn’t want to pry, but…” he leaned across the table. “I really wanna know!”
Rose smirked. Even though they had only had short conversations, she liked Hayden and his lack of personal peace. “Well now you’ve got me curious.”
“Right?!”
“I’ve told him about all the dates I’ve been on in the past few weeks. With details.”
“He was literally at the bar when my wife and I met. He babysits our kids!”
“So why wouldn’t he want us to know about a serious relationship?”
“You tell me, Ms. Landry.” Hayden looked satisfied at Rose’s compliance with his prying.
Even though Shane was both of their best friends, it was clear that he was hiding this guy from them and wasn’t giving either of them a good enough reason as to why.
“I think,” Hayden continued, “that you did the right thing by telling him he was gay. Now he just needs us to tell him he’s in love with mystery-man and everything will fall into place.”
“We’re matchmakers.”
“Exactly!”
“So… what’s your plan?”
Hayden shrugged. “We go to Boston from here, I can try to snag Lily’s contact info before Shane goes to meet him.”
“Wait, they meet in Boston?”
“Yeah. Always have. That’s where Lily’s from. I used to call him his Boston-bang, but now I think Boston boy has a better ring to it.”
Rose could feel the wheels in her head turning. “I would have assumed Montreal. Aren’t you guys only in Boston for like a few days a year?”
Hayden nodded. “It’s not uncommon for the single players to have a ‘girl in every port’, if you will.”
“Does Shane have a guy in every port?”
“No, just Lily.”
“Just Boston?”
Hayden hummed, seeming to realize that Rose was stuck on that tidbit of information. “Why, is there something wrong with Boston?”
“No, it’s just…” Rose bit her lip. Back when the Metros played the Raiders in Montreal and she and Shane were still dating, she had dragged him out to a club with her friends. She remembered seeing some Boston players in the crowd that night and noticed Shane’s discomfort when he saw them, but didn’t think much of it at the time. “What’s the NHL’s rules about interpersonal relationships?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… what would happen if two hockey players started dating.”
Hayden’s face scrunched minutely. “It’s happened in women’s hockey, but never in men’s. I don’t think there are any rules, per se, but there aren’t any out players anyways.”
“Okay. Rules aside, then, how would the community respond?”
She watched Hayden balance between telling her the truth and protecting his league. He decided on the former. “It would be bad. Hockey is one of the most conservative sports right now. There’d be backlash, public hate. Probably ostracism from the team. It sucks but… they probably wouldn’t be drafted again.” He suddenly looked up from his hands, which had been apparently very interesting since she started asking hockey-related questions. “Wait. You don’t think Lily is a hockey player.”
Rose shrugged. “It would make sense, wouldn’t it? I mean… that’s who Shane spends most of his time around anyways. And it would be a reason why he isn’t comfortable telling us who he is.”
“But that would mean…” Hayden’s eyes were bulging out of his face, hands gripping his cheeks like the kid in Home Alone. “Lily is a Boston Raider?”
“Maybe he was at the all-stars and that’s why they were able to fix things.”
Hayden shook his head. “The only Raider in Florida was Rozanov, and Shane fucking hates him.”
Suddenly, Rose shot a hand out and pulled Hayden closer to her by the arm. In a whisper, she said, “Lily.”
Hayden made a questioning face, and Rose rolled her eyes.
“Rozanov’s first name. Ilya.”
She watched as realization flooded Hayden’s entire body, and his arm went limp in Rose’s grasp. “No.”
“It makes sense, doesn’t it?”
“I mean-”
“It would be one thing if it was just another hockey player, right?” If they weren’t in a restaurant, Rose would have started pacing like Sherlock Holmes solving a crime. “Yeah, it would be weird but the league would probably get over it. It’s completely different when it’s your-”
“Arch-rival.”
They met each other’s gaze, realizing that they had just unlocked not only their best friend’s biggest secret, but the greatest possible scandal the NHL had ever seen.
“Fucking Rozanov.”
***
Shane was enjoying some well-deserved post-orgasmic bliss when his phone rang. He had just gotten off of facetime with Ilya, taking advantage of the empty hotel room as Hayden had gone to dinner with a friend, and didn’t really feel like talking to anyone at the moment.
Still, being the anxious guy he was, he picked the phone off of the bedside table and saw Hayden’s contact photo staring at him. Assuming his friend had lost his hotel card, he picked it up.
“Hey man, gimme-”
“Ilya Rozanov?” Hayden said it quietly, like he was mad.
Shane felt his blood run cold. “Uhh… what about him?”
“Lily?”
“Shit.”
“It’s true?”
“How did you-”
There was some shuffling, then a second voice spoke to him.
“Hi Shane. Sorry.” It was Rose, who sounded as shocked but marginally less angry than Hayden. “We may or may not have been scheming about who your mystery Lily-lover-Boston-boy was and figured out it’s your arch-rival.”
“Arch-rival of the fucking ages, might I add!” Yelled Hayden from the background. Shane could hear the sounds of cars honking, so at least they were outside.
“Uhh….” He didn’t really know what to say right then. He felt whiplashed, having just come down from an extra-steamy video session with Ilya to now having to defend their relationship. And to Rose Landry, of all people, who he hadn't even known was the friend Hayden was meeting!
“Don’t worry,” Rose laughed lightly. “I don’t care. I was pissed you didn’t tell me about Lily, but hey, I get it now.”
“And Hayden?” Shane’s voice came out in a hoarse croak.
“I think he’ll be a bit tougher to come around,” she admitted. “But I think he will.”
“He hates Ilya.”
“I thought you did too.”
“I may be having second thoughts about that.”
“Ooh, Shane’s in love!” She sang.
“Shane is not in love! Shane is most definitely not in love!” Hayden yelled again.
“How drunk is he?” Shane assumed they were on their way back to the hotel and really did not want to have to deal with an intoxicated Hayden Pike.
“He’s actually completely and totally sober, if you’d believe it.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“Well good, because we’re about to walk into the elevator. See you soon!” And then the call disconnected.