Chapter Text
An email notification lights up his phone, assuming it was spam, a text appears right after from the person he least expected to reach out.
Sieuns message appears at the top, Seongje’s thumb hovering over it, “I invited you to something, you don’t have to do it. You could even ignore it, I’m leaving it up to you.”
Seongje opens the email because it felt like a challenge, because everything Sieun did felt like a challenge.
The email was brief, explaining a dating reality show concept, how it works, what it involves and lastly the one line that sticks “Yeon Sieun has nominated you as his ex he would like to be part of the show” the word ex always left a weird taste in his mouth. The urge to punch something, to get the feeling out continues to pile till he shuts off his phone.
I don’t hear from you for months, completely shut out and now you’re recommending me to be on some stupid show about rekindling? Closure? It all feels too weird, why would Sieun ever suggest something like this, to put their relationship on display when for the first few years of their relationship he tried so hard to deny it, to cover it up, to keep it to himself.
But still, after a couple hours staring at the ceiling, Seongje thinks to himself, its not like I had anything better lined up this summer, maybe it'll be fun to get a reaction out of him like back then, see that pretty little face twitch out of annoyance, or hear that sigh again.
So he does it, he signs the stupid form, sends it back and throws away the phone.
Sieun is catching up on some additional work in preparation for a deck he’s presenting at school when he sees his phone light up. Hesitantly, knowing he’s been avoiding this idea, going back and forth considering if he should pull out or not he opens the email.
“Your ex has agreed to join the show, we will send through information on the next steps. Thank you once again and we will reach out in a couple of days.”
The anxiety starts building up, the thoughts, everything starts to consume him again.
Why did I do this? Was some show going to neatly close everything out just so I can put an end to all the sleepless nights?
Sieun thought back to the night he saw the callout appear on his feed, his university board posted it out half heartedly. He was once again slightly tipsy, on his second day without sleep scrolling aimlessly through his phone.
The thoughts start piling up Stupid, corny, waste of time and then How would he react if I dragged him into this? Maybe seeing him with someone else will help me move on None of it made sense, nothing made sense lately, so he pressed the link, and typed in his details, keeping the history between his ex and him vague, They wouldn’t pick such a boring doomed couple. He completed the form in a couple minutes, submitted it and stared at the ceiling, slowly, the alcohol started blurring his vision and he fell asleep.
Two weeks past and Seongje receives a call, a bright voice starts speaking on the other end introducing themselves as a producer of the show asking when was the best time for them to conduct an initial interview.
Seongje starts to get irritated, not realising there would be any preliminary interviews to the show, contemplating whether to hang up now, but then he stops himself, that this was the long game and he’s willing to play it once more.
They organise a time and so when the day rolls by he walks into the interview room, cold, stoic, indifferent to all the cheerful faces greeting him.
He sits down and faces the producer he talked to on the phone and her team. Shifting his eyes to the camera on the side and back to the producer they begin the interview.
The producer asks about his relationship with Sieun, how they met, when did their relationship start, what kind of person was Sieun, why’d it end. All the things he never would have imagined he’d be openly sharing, wanting to selfishly withhold as much as he could, to protect the only thing that mattered to him, the only thing that shone through his messed up high school and university life.
On a different day Sieun is replying diligently to the producers questions, keeping his answers blunt, truthful and detached. He doesn’t stay too long on the memories, going through them like a to do list.
The producer offhandedly comments,
“Its funny, although it feels like we’re getting much more honest answers from yourself, your ex, Mr Geum, was holding back quite a bit with his answers rambling instead about random things instead of talking to us about your relationship…but here although you’re answering and not diverging it still feels closed”
Sieun looks at her, blinks once, twice and then asks “Is there anything else you’d like to know?”
The producer smiles, thinking to herself, its normal for couples to act this way, to not want to share to complete strangers, but this show, the environment, the people, will naturally bring honesty out of them and that helps her persevere.
The day finally arrives, Seongje is last minute shoving things in his bag, he opens the front door looking back at his empty apartment and walks out. He thinks back to last night, they had a first meeting between the exes, he remembers how nervous he was, how it was all starting to feel too real.
[Last night]
He’s walking down the stairs to a small night cafe, a table situated further in, a person already sitting there straight posture, hair slightly lighter, neatly brushed. He breathes in and opens the door, sees how their shoulder shifts slightly, and then the sound of the chair dragging on the floor and a soft thud.
He’s facing him now, unsure what expression the other is seeing, he tenses and lets out a shaken laugh.
“Hi Newbie, how’s life been treating you?”
Sieun bites back “Seriously? You need to retire that nickname” Seongje laughs, a sense of familiarity wraps between them.
They stare at each other for a while, mainly Seongje. Sieun just stares at his shoulder trying to detach from the entire situation hoping it’ll end quickly.
So Seongje fills the silence,
“You look tired, are you eating well?” The question felt familiar, like this was just another one of their daily conversations,
he hesitated for a split second then answered promptly
“Yes, I am. I just slept late due to wrapping up some work things”
Seongje nods, leaning back staring again.
Sieun clears his throat, “I didn’t think you’d agree to this”
Seongje meets his eyes turning his head, annoyed “Well I thought I had you all figured out, this just showed me I didn’t, so I got curious”.
Sieun lets his words sink in, picking at his finger, the producer starts prompting questions, they start talking again, rigidly, not touching the familiarity anymore and suddenly its over. Sieun leaves first, unable to bear anymore of the weird tension between them, trying to distance himself from these feelings. Seongje watches him leave, instinctively he reaches out and pauses, using the same hand to push his hair back instead. He leaves a minute later going the different direction, hoping this is worth it.
[Present day]
Seongje is one of the first participants to arrive at the villa, he smokes in front first trying to get rid of the knot in his shoulders, and then he enters and greets the three already sitting quietly. He takes the single chair, facing the other contestants and introduces himself, lazily, putting a clear distance between himself and others. Some nod in response, one person asks his MBTI, he asks what’s that and then they all start discussing it like it’s the most fascinating topic. He internally groans and hopes everyone joins quickly so the day can end soon.
Sieun is the last one that enters, overwhelmed by the sheer number of people gathered, the curious eyes, the warm smiles and greetings directed at him. He doesn’t acknowledge Seongje, decides it’s best to ignore it till he needs to face him. He takes a seat at the very end of the couch, shares his MBTI, because Juntae forced him to take it one day during class and explained to him in detail the significance of each trait.
People talked back and forth and then started picking rooms, later people began to gather in the kitchen to prepare for dinner. Sieun takes on cutting the vegetables, Seongje is across the kitchen watching Sieun, trying to keep a safe distance even though all he wants to do is pull him right by his side.
Everyone starts eating when a text message lights up on everyone's phones.
We have delivered a box out front which has letters containing an introduction of you written by your ex, please share the letters and read them out loud.
Seongje tenses, quickly glancing at Sieun, wondering if he’ll be able to get a reaction from him just from a couple of words on a piece of paper. Other participants start joking that Sieun, a calm, critical introvert might cry the most out of everyone. Soon, some start reading out their letters and then it’s Seongje’s turn. He exhales a breath he’s been holding and rips open his letter.
"My first impression of my ex was intimidating, unpredictable and loud. The more time we spent together, the more accustomed I was to his quirks. Geum Seongje is strong willed, funny at times and loves wearing windbreakers. When my ex falls in love he gives everything he can not caring about the consequences or the obstacles. While dating him, I could feel I was the only person in the world that mattered, I had all his attention and love. He may seem cold at first, but when you get to know him he can be loving and caring. I hope whoever my ex falls for next they will stay by his side no matter what."
Seongje’s hand trembles slightly, gripping the letter and then he folds it and asks the next person to read theirs, hoping no one notices the way his voice wavered, the way the letter has slightly crinkled or how badly he wanted to face Sieun.
Sieun is the last one to read his. He keeps his voice even and steady,
"My ex is disciplined, extremely smart and warm. He may seem shy at first, even closed off but that’s just cause he’s making sure he’s saying the right things, that no ones feelings will get hurt, because that’s how far he will think things through. Throughout our relationship I discovered many different sides, it makes you become selfish wanting to keep these sides of him to yourself, because it makes you feel special. My ex is a picky eater and only likes to drink coffee, so I hope during his time here, he can rest and eat well."
For some reason he thought Seongje would try to throw in a stupid joke, say something ridiculous to get a reaction out of him. It didn’t sound like him half the time, but he could tell through this letter that Seongje wasn’t over him and he didn’t know where to place those feelings.
After everyone did their introductions they started talking about their ideal types. Suho, one of the participants, directed the question to Sieun, anticipating what he might say. Seongje notices the way Suho leans a little closer, tightening his fist he faces Sieun again, waiting as well for his answer.
Sieun thinks and slowly he says “Kind, warm and stable. Someone who can make me feel at ease, I’d say that's my type.”
Suho smiled, satisfied with the answer. Seongje looks away, trying not to laugh, thinking to himself why would Sieun want to date something boring like that. He’s one of the first to leave, deciding to go to bed and move on from this day. Sieun notices him leave, staring back a little longer as Seongje makes his way back to his room.
Before Sieun goes to his room, Suho reaches out to him quietly and asks him if he’d be interested in going on a date with him tomorrow. Sieun was thrown off by the sudden question, flustered he replied quickly “Sure, see you then” and walked into the room.
Alone with his thoughts the only thing on his mind is how would Seongje react if he found out? Letting out a deep sigh he went to bed, restless, unsure if he’ll ever be able to sleep well.