Archive of Our Own

The first time it happened, Satoru didn’t think much of it.

It was an early morning, as it usually was. According to Suguru, he only slept well when Satoru was around, which was why Satoru was loathe to wake him. Still, he’d learned the hard way that he’d pay for it dearly if he snuck out without saying goodbye.

In the depths of winter, the bedroom was still dark at just gone six in the morning. Settling on the edge of the bed, he brushed Suguru’s hair from his face with the gentlest of fingers, waiting for him to stir a little. ‘Hey, sleeping beauty. I have to go.’

Suguru had always been shit in the mornings. Grumbling, he pressed his face deeper into the pillow. ‘It’s too early.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Satoru whispered, leaning down to kiss away the furrow in his brow. ‘Big birthday today. Double digits.’

They never really talked about the Fushiguro children. It wasn’t that he thought Suguru cruel. Not like that, anyway. Even after all this time, Satoru would trust him with his life. He’d probably trust him with Tsumiki’s, if it came down to it.

Still, it was sensitive. Sensitive enough that, on the rare occasions they came up in conversation, Satoru made sure never to mention them by name.

Suguru’s eyes fluttered open all the same, searching for Satoru’s gaze in the darkness. When he found it, his smile was weirdly, surprisingly fond. ‘Then I guess I shouldn’t complain too much.’ Reaching up, he smoothed his thumb over Satoru’s cheekbone, his palm as warm as his words when he said, ‘Since you’re on daddy duties today.’

It was a curious way to put it. A joke, Satoru had thought.

He leaned in close, murmuring his response against Suguru’s lips. ‘The only way anyone is catching me on daddy duties is if it’s with you.’

At the time, Satoru had thought that was a joke, too.

—

‘You took a bath without me?’ It came out less like a question and more like an accusation. ‘Again?’

Satoru already knew the answer, of course. Aside from the silky bathrobe falling open over Suguru’s bare chest (a new one, courtesy of Satoru), it was obvious from the wet hair spilling across his shoulders where he was curled into the pillows at the top of the bed.

Looking up from his book — Genzaburō Yoshino, a classic. One of Satoru’s favourites, actually —  Suguru said simply, ‘Well, you were late.’

Not that late, not this time. He assumed that was why Suguru was missing the pretty twist from his dark hair; he wondered if he could braid it for him.

‘The brat got in a fight.’

‘Again?’

Satoru didn’t like his tone. ‘Listen,’ he grumbled, scratching at the back of his neck. ‘At least he didn’t send anyone to hospital this time.’ He felt like he was defending himself more than Megumi. ‘It’s an improvement.’

Humming, Suguru offered him a knowing smile. ‘I suppose it is,’ he purred. ‘Good job, daddy.’

Where he’d been pulling off his boot, Satoru stumbled slightly, knocked off centre by the strange and unpleasant thing twisting in his stomach. ‘Suguru, come on,’ he said, frowning as he steadied himself against the dresser. ‘Don’t call me that.’

Suguru peered at him over the top of the pages. ‘Why not? Is it more of a mommy situation?’

‘Hah?’ Stumbling over his second shoe, Satoru felt his face flush furiously. ‘No!’ he squawked, kicking his boot to the side as if it were Mario Prada’s fault. ‘That’s your thing!’

‘Then what’s the issue?’ Finally, Suguru gave up on his book, marking his page and setting it to the side. He seemed utterly unperturbed by the outburst, save for the elegant brow he was arching in Satoru’s direction. ‘Why are you so scared of the word “daddy”?’

At that, Satoru scoffed, looking around the bedroom for imaginary support. ‘I’m not scared of a word, Suguru,’ he said. ‘It just isn’t applicable.’ When Suguru simply sparkled at him, he scowled. ‘Why are you so insistent on it?

He shrugged, smiling in that self-important way of his, and Satoru found himself so exasperated by his nonchalance that the silky robe slipping off his shoulder went more or less unnoticed.

‘Oh, be serious,’ he said. ‘Do the girls call you “daddy”?’

Suguru didn’t even flinch. ‘Absolutely.’

In the silence that followed, they stared at each other from across the room as Satoru’s brain worked to process the unexpected outcome. It was about as taxing as carrying out a more complex application of Blue while simultaneously running Infinity and RCT — and much less enjoyable, too.

‘Well,’ Suguru finally conceded, pursing his lips and tilting his head to the side. ‘They call me “papa” actually. At least when no one’s around.’

Satoru couldn’t fucking believe it. He threw his hands up, some sensation he couldn’t quite identify burning its way up his chest and escaping as a peal of disbelieving laughter.

‘Fucking—’ Gesturing wildly, he waved at Suguru as he searched for the words. What he eventually landed on came out heated yet somehow lame. ‘Good for you, I guess, but that isn’t me!’

With that, he turned on his heel and disappeared into the bathroom to take his stupid shower. He didn’t slam the door, but only because Suguru’s stupid sliding doors didn’t slam. And maybe because he didn’t want to put any more barriers between them. Just in case Suguru decided he wanted to apologise, of course.

As though he’d ever.

Cursing under his breath, Satoru tore his clothes from his body with little care for where they landed in a crumpled heap. He couldn’t hear Suguru’s silent laughter, but he could picture it and that was enough. He stewed and stewed and stewed until finally it burst out of him, halfway through pummelling a palmful of Suguru’s fancy shampoo into his scalp.

‘I killed his daddy, Suguru! Blew a fucking hole through the side of him!’

Satoru expected a heavy silence that reflected the weight of his words, but Suguru’s response drifted through the open door almost immediately, carried on curling tendrils of steam.

‘Probably the sexiest thing you’ve ever done.’

Blinking soap out of his eyes, Satoru could only stand there, struck speechless by the heat in Suguru’s voice, far hotter than the water running in rivulets down his back.

‘Hah?!’

As he started frantically rinsing the bubbles from his hair, suddenly eager to have this conversation face to face again, Suguru started monologuing.

‘Second only to that time I saw you with the kids, maybe,’ he said, lifting his voice over the din of the droplets bouncing off the tiles. ‘When you got all protective of them, puffing out your chest and flexing your cursed energy and everything.’

He knew what Suguru was talking about, of course, but when Satoru heard him sigh like a Disney princess — all far off and dreamy and fucking weird — he wondered if they didn’t have slightly different recollections of the event. Increasingly concerned by the excessive romanticisation of what had almost been a stand off between the two strongest sorcerers in the middle of Asakusa, Satoru shut off the water as a matter of urgency.

‘Maybe it was after that, actually, when you went all soft.’ Now the room had fallen quiet, Suguru’s voice sounded sweeter, more sentimental — at least until he dropped it a little deeper. ‘“They make them in animal shapes. Isn’t that cool, Megumi-kun?”’

Where he was hastily scrubbing a towel through his dripping wet hair, Satoru stilled at the shocking realisation it was supposed to be an impression of him. He couldn’t decide if he was more astonished by Suguru’s barely restrained lust or the fact he remembered it word for word.

‘It was his birthday!’ he called back, unable to help the incredulous laughter colouring his voice. ‘And you were scaring the shit out of him!’

‘You were pretty scary yourself, Satoru. You’re hot when you’re in daddy bear mode.’

‘Daddy bear mode?!’ Emerging utterly exasperated from under his towel, Satoru ended up slinging it around his hips without even bothering to dry his body. ‘God, Suguru!’ he said, running a hand through the condensation fogging up the bathroom mirror and watching the guy in the reflection laugh in time with him. ‘I was just making sure he was safe! Just doing my duty!’

After slapping some of Suguru’s nice moisturiser on his cheeks, he set about attempting to wrestle his floppy hair into some semblance of order. Something about Suguru’s expensive products always made it too soft and silky. As he fussed with his fringe, the silence stretched on and on until Satoru foolishly came to believe it was over.

‘What about when he cries?’

It was a quiet question.

The answer arrived with the same strange reticence, spilling from his lips almost immediately. He was almost surprised to see them moving in the mirror.

‘Megumi doesn’t cry.’

‘Tsumiki, then.’

‘Tsumiki doesn’t cry either.’

Slowly, Satoru brought his hands to the edge of the sink, staring down his reflection and wondering if it would betray him.

‘Except for when there’s a storm,’ he saw himself say. ‘She doesn’t like the thunder.’ It felt like someone else was speaking for him, except for the fact that it had always bothered Satoru. ‘And she gets scared when the power goes out.’ The stranger in the mirror’s lips pulled down at the corners, twisting into a grimace. ‘I think it reminds her of…’

Swallowing down the rest of someone else’s sentence, Satoru let his gaze fall to his fingers. To the skin stretching white over his knuckles where he was gripping at the porcelain.

‘You used to hate storms, too.’

Huffing out a humourless laugh, he didn’t bother to tell Suguru that he still hated storms, albeit for different reasons these days.

‘What do you do when there’s a storm, Satoru?’

‘Oh come on,’ he scoffed, glaring down at the plughole. ‘I’m not a total asshole.’

‘So what do you do?’

‘Well, I…’

He trailed off, trying in vain to summon the strength, over and over and over. Snarling at his own uselessness, Satoru squeezed his eyes shut against the truth. At last, he admitted his failing to the only person who probably saw straight through him already.

‘Fucking hell, Suguru, don’t you get it?’ He wrested his hands away from the sink before he ending up yanking the damn thing off the wall. ‘I just copy you!’ he bellowed. ‘I’ve always copied you! I’ve only ever followed your lead!’

In the wake of his outburst, Suguru’s voice seemed overly quiet. Quiet but firm, it left no room for argument.

‘Satoru, what do you do?’

Only a few minutes ago, he’d wanted to have this conversation face to face. Lifting his gaze to his reflection then, Satoru was suddenly glad Suguru couldn’t see his expression. In the mirror, he looked far more vulnerable than a sorcerer of his strength had any right to.

‘I hold her hand,’ he began, wincing when his voice cracked a little. ‘If I’m there, if she’ll let me.’

He watched his throat bob in the moment before the words started coming unfiltered.

‘She doesn’t always like to be touched,’ he said, knowing rather than a little girl, Suguru was picturing a teenage boy with a terrible haircut and an even worse disposition. ‘But sometimes, when it’s really bad, I hold her.’

He’d always considered it lucky that the same techniques Suguru had used on an overstimulated 15 year old apparently worked a treat on an elementary school kid, too. Now, he wondered if it didn’t make absolute sense.

‘She can’t talk when she’s scared,’ he said. ‘So I tell her stories about nothing, anything. Anything to keep her mind off the storm. They’re stupid stories, really.’ He swallowed again, muscles tensing with the phantom weight of a little girl in his lap. ‘I stroke her hair,’ he said, voice uncomfortably rough. ‘I rub her back. Sometimes, I rock her.’

Clearing his throat, he looked away from the mirror for the last part. He didn’t want to see whatever his face revealed.

‘And sometimes, I sing to her.’

It was the one thing he didn’t copy. It was one thing he’d come up with by himself, even if he was only following Suguru’s lead.

‘Just pop songs, mostly stuff you showed me.’ It came out tight and hoarse, even as he grinned down at his hands, still clenched into fists at his sides. ‘That fucking awful Utada Hikaru song, the depressing one,’ he said softly. ‘That’s Tsumiki’s favourite, too.’ Finally, Satoru took a deep breath, nodding on the exhale. ‘That seems to help most.’

For a long moment, Suguru was silent. Then, carried on damp breaths, his voice came shuddering through the bathroom door.

‘And what about that, Satoru?’ he panted. ‘Is that just duty, too?

Satoru watched his own eyes widening in the mirror in the instant before he turned away, peering into the bedroom to discover something he was only half surprised to see.

‘Are you getting off on this?’

A rhetorical question, because spread out across the futon with his leg hiked up to his chest and his head thrown back on the pillows, Suguru’s pretty robe had fallen open around his body to give Satoru an undisturbed view of the fingers he was pumping into himself, as well as the flushed cock lying untouched against his tensed stomach.

‘Shit, Suguru,’ he hissed, irrevocably drawn towards the bed as though Satoru was a compass point and Suguru was north. ‘You’re fucking nasty.’

Satoru was heading north, but all his blood was rushing south. He felt himself twitching against the towel still clinging to his hips, just barely. Brushing against his rapidly growing erection, it was noticeably softer than the ones he kept in his own apartment.

Everything about Suguru was softer, he thought as he settled on the futon, slipping his hand up the back of a smooth thigh. Transfixed by where his body stretched around two slick fingers, where his chest was rising and falling in an uneven rhythm, he was completely arrested by Suguru’s shameless pursuit of his own pleasure.

‘Thought I’d cheer you up after your shower,’ Suguru gasped, utterly fucking shameless. ‘But then you started talking.’

‘Nasty little freak,’ Satoru growled, but he was already collecting the lube Suguru had abandoned on the sheets. He was already straining against the weight of Suguru’s expensive towel, overly heavy and fluffy.

The motion of Suguru’s wrist faltered when he felt the tip of Satoru’s index finger travelling along the back of his hand, sliding along the channel between his knuckles, and then pressing against his rim. Satoru teased the soft skin there, testing its give, savouring the sight of Suguru’s throat bobbing in anticipation — of his lips falling open on a gasp when Satoru eased inside.

His cock jumped against his stomach as he squeezed down around their fingers, but somehow Satoru knew not to touch. Instead, with his hand slotted over Suguru’s, he pressed in deep, holding his breath at the maddening sensation of his strong body giving way for him.

Inside, Suguru was as silky soft as he was everywhere else. Searing hot where the muscles spasmed around their fingers. Warm and wet and wonderful.

Sighing as he drew back a little, Satoru pushed deeper still, taking Suguru with him until they could go no further. His body protested against the stretch, brows pulling together as he tensed and relaxed around their knuckles. Satoru held him there until his expression softened, and then he set the pace.

The sound of their fingers sliding together, opening him up stroke after torturously slow stroke, was mouthwatering. Suguru was always more generous with the lube than Satoru, and it was worth it for the noise alone. The lewd sucking and slurping of his greedy hole swallowing them down over and over again was gradually driving him insane.

Shifting closer over the mattress, the towel slipped to the side just a little, but it was enough for his cock to spring free of its confines at last, as though desperately sensing its goal was near. Satoru couldn’t help squeezing himself a little, mimicking the squeeze of Suguru’s body around him, mimicking the squeeze he really wanted to feel.

Peering at him from under his eyelashes, he carefully pried Suguru’s fingers apart, running his tongue over his bottom lip as he slipped his own between them. Suguru let out a soft moan, nose scrunching adorably at the stretch of three fingers side by side, intertwined inside him.

Finally, his eyes opened, finding Satoru’s from across the short distance between them. Hooded and heavy with arousal, his eyelids fluttered over a gaze like honey, over blushing cheeks stained a pretty pink.

‘I always knew you’d be good with kids.’ Now Satoru was the one who faltered, taken aback by the strength of the raw emotion in his voice. ‘Always thought you’d make a good daddy one day.’

There was that word again. Daddy.

Yet, as their bodies stilled in unison, the almost sorrowful shine to Suguru’s eyes seemed to give it new meaning. It stirred some foreign feeling in Satoru’s chest. It transformed it from a curse into the ghost of something else.

‘You mean…’ He swallowed, brain conjuring up a million futures he hadn’t realised he was allowed to consider before that very moment, when they’d already long since become impossibilities. ‘You thought about it?’ His voice sounded rough, weak. ‘With me?’

‘You didn’t?’

Where Suguru’s response was instantaneous, Satoru hesitated.

If he was hurt, Suguru hid it well. With a single blink of his pretty eyes, the crease between his brows was gone. Still, Satoru felt compelled to console him, to correct his misgivings. There was only one person he’d ever want to build a family with in a world where it was an option for him. For either of them.

‘Kids are for people who plan to grow old one day,’ he said quietly. ‘But if you’d told me that was—’ In an utterly bizarre turn of events, Satoru’s eyes started to sting as some strange grief started clawing its way up his throat. ‘If you’d told me that you wanted to…’

He trailed off, reluctant to follow a train of thought that would forever lead to a dead end. Pointless, grieving something that could never come to pass. Not in this life. Not in these bodies.

‘Indulge me now, then.’

Suguru rarely said “please”— not to Satoru — but there was an edge to his voice that was too beseeching to ignore. Still wrapped inside the wet and warm of him, their fingers brushed together slightly, and it was almost sweet. It was almost sweet.

Satoru thought about how Suguru looked at the girls when he believed no one could see him. How he fussed over their matching haircuts, dressed them in matching outfits. He thought about why Suguru liked being called “mommy” in bed sometimes. Mostly, he thought about why he played along.

Satoru had already made his choice. After all, anything for Suguru had always been for him, too.

Closing his hand around Suguru’s wrist, Satoru pulled his fingers away and replaced them with his own, curling three long digits inside him, massaging that little spot that made him whimper and whine for more. ‘What do you want, Suguru?’ he asked. ‘What do you need?’

The answer came immediately, accompanied by an arched spine and a flutter of the eyelashes. ‘Need your cum.’ He pushed down against Satoru’s knuckles, urgently seeking something that would reach deeper, spread him wider. ‘Need your cock, need you.’

Any other time, Satoru might have teased him, but he was too enraptured by the glorious sight of Suguru squirming on his fingers, by the untouched erection drooling against his taut abs with renewed enthusiasm now.

‘Which is it?’ Satoru asked, earning himself the most petulant rendition of his name in the process. ‘No, come on,’ he insisted. ‘Which is it?’

Biting down on a cherry red bottom lip, Suguru squeezed his eyes shut. He was apparently paralysed by what was really a simple decision — or perhaps that was the threat of Satoru’s pinky finger pressing against his rim, because when Suguru finally gave his response, there was no doubt about it.

‘Your cum,’ he breathed, desperate and demanding.

Satoru nodded, his acknowledgment equally breathless. ‘My cum, then.’

Gently, he eased his fingers out of Suguru, but energised by newfound excitement, that was where Satoru’s willingness to show restraint began and ended. Wrapping his hands around Suguru’s ankles, he hauled him down the bed to meet him, flipping him onto his stomach and arranging him with his muscular thighs pressed against the edge of the mattress.

To his surprise, Suguru went more or less quietly, peering at him from over his shoulder as Satoru shimmied his silky robe down his arms and tossed it aside. Aware of the feverish gaze following him around the room as he collected a few choice items — a pillow, the forgotten lube, and a black satin sleep mask from Suguru’s bedside table — Satoru covered those wide eyes the moment he returned to the side of the bed, carefully adjusting the strap around his ears and making sure his loose hair didn’t catch in the elastic.

When he tapped Suguru’s ass with a murmured command, Suguru dutifully lifted his hips for Satoru to slide a pillow under them, but he could bite his tongue no longer.

‘What are you doing?’

Unlike Satoru, he could see nothing from beneath the silky material of the sleep mask. Still, Suguru craned his neck around, directing his question to Satoru’s approximate position. Holding himself up on his elbows with his hips raised off the mattress, his spine created the most delectable arch, emphasising the definition of his broad shoulders, the plump swell of his ass cheeks beckoning Satoru between them.

Satoru took a moment to drink in the sight of him — the sight of Suguru ripe for the taking, waiting to receive him. Taking his cock in hand, he stroked himself with long, slow rolls of the wrist, indulging himself just for a moment or two.

‘I’m giving you what you asked for.’

Still stroking himself, he cuffed his hand around the back of Suguru’s neck, carefully pushing his upper body into the mattress. Again, Suguru went more or less quietly, turning his head to the side and allowing Satoru to manhandle him down, but Satoru caught the breath shuddering out of him.

When he was in position at last, Satoru uncapped the lube, watching his body for every eager sign of anticipation at the unmistakable click. His own breath shuddered out of him as he pulled his foreskin down, rolling his palm around the head of his cock until it was slick with lubrication.

Grabbing a handful of muscle, he pulled Suguru’s cheeks apart, rubbing himself more furiously at the sight of his puffy pink hole, glossy and inviting. He pushed the tip of his thumb into it, swearing under his breath when it welcomed him easily. So warm and wet.

It wasn’t hard to bring himself near completion with Suguru spread out for him like that. Easing off as he felt that telltale tightening in his groin, he removed his thumb from Suguru’s asshole and replaced it with his cock at last.

He pressed into Suguru slowly, relishing in the sight of his muscles tightening in anticipation. He relished in the feel of it, too, squeezing around the sensitive head as though trying to suck him in deeper. Watching Suguru’s body swallowing him millimetre by agonising millimetre was torture, but Satoru was conscientious, unfaltering in his resolve even as his thighs trembled with his desire to drive his hips forward.

He stopped in the moment before the crown of his cock slipped past Suguru’s rim. Agony, especially when Suguru wriggled in place, desperately trying to push his ass back to meet him.

‘Stay still, Suguru,’ he said, sparing a glance at his blindfolded face as he pressed his palm into the small of his back. Pinning Suguru in place by the almost painful arch of his spine, Satoru stroked himself fast and hard, hand flying over the length not buried inside him. ‘This is what you want, isn’t it?’

Not him. Not his cock.

Satoru spilled his load with little fanfare, flooding Suguru’s insides with his cum. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, he resisted the overwhelming urge to push it deep into Suguru’s body. Instead, he squeezed himself almost painfully tight, using his own hand as a buffer as his hips stuttered back and forth. He’d always been a quick shot, but what did that matter when RCT was already roaring to life, replacing what had been lost, resetting his body to its base state?

Below him, Suguru called out his name on a whine, but where his mind was addled by lust, Satoru’s was crystal clear again. Carefully pulling out, he stared down at Suguru’s hungry hole with singular focus, only tearing his eyes away to follow the little trickle of cum pushed out by Suguru clenching around nothing.

Catching it on his thumb, Satoru returned it to its rightful place.

‘Hold on tight to that, Suguru,’ he said, sinking his thumb into his own mess. ‘I don’t want to see a single drop wasted.’

At last, Suguru caught on — and Satoru saw the strength of the realisation shiver through his entire body. ‘Oh fuck.’ He squirmed against the pillow under his hips, burying his face in the futon. ‘Are you gonna fill me with your cum?’

‘Is that what you want?’

Already hard in his hand again, he was eager to deliver, eager to serve. In fact, Satoru had never even gone soft. He’d worked long and hard on ensuring he’d never leave Suguru dissatisfied. He’d worked long and hard on fine-tuning RCT for that specific purpose, but it had never seemed more important than it did in that precise moment, when he found himself praying for a “god, yes!”, suddenly fixated on the idea of pumping load after load into him. He wondered how many Suguru could take. He wondered if he’d be able to see it.

‘I want it,’ Suguru gasped, fisting his hands in the sheets. ‘I want it so bad.’

Except when Satoru kept him hooked on his thumb, tugging his cock against Suguru’s ass cheek instead of feeding it into his hole, he found himself met with resistance a little sooner than he anticipated.

‘Are you not going to fuck me?’

Hopeful, yet somewhat haughty.

Satoru didn’t bother hiding his smile. Not like Suguru could see it from under the sleep mask. ‘You said you wanted my cum, Suguru.’ Even working his hand over himself, he couldn’t help rocking his hips against the swell of Suguru’s ass just a little. ‘Not me.’

‘Satoru!’

Dragging out the last syllable on a whine, Suguru started wriggling and rolling around on the pillow, pushing himself up onto his elbows. Satoru pushed him down again, holding him to the mattress by the back of his neck, but Suguru only bucked his hips off the bed in response, desperately seeking stimulation. Both of them, desperate for friction.

‘You’re being mean,’ he grumbled, muffled by the sheets pressed against his mouth. ‘Obviously I want you. I want your cum because it’s you.’ Satoru was already getting close, egged on by his outright neediness, but then: ‘Come on, daddy.’

Suguru rarely said “please” — not to Satoru — but it was close enough. It was better, actually.

Biting down a groan, Satoru urgently pressed his cock to Suguru’s asshole as his orgasm shuddered through him. It spilled over a little, messy and imprecise in his haste. His pelvic floor contracted rhythmically, almost painfully hard. Satoru nearly doubled over as his dick pulsed in his hand, shooting rope after rope of cum deep inside him.

‘Shit, Suguru,’ he hissed, easing up the death grip on the back of his neck.

‘Yeah?’ came the breathless reply. ‘You like that?’ He did, far more than he expected. ‘Then fuck me like you mean it,’ Suguru ordered, voice dropping dangerously low, even as he pushed his ass back against Satoru’s thighs once more. ‘Let me make you a real daddy, Satoru.’

Satoru thought he probably would have stayed hard even without the RCT. Years worth of uncharted desire came rushing to the fore, overwhelming him with an almost incongruous blend of love and lust. The idea of planting a precious life inside Suguru chafed uncomfortably, perfectly against the sudden biological imperative to fill him with his seed at any cost. To breed him indiscriminately.

Still, as his technique flooded his system, Satoru was struck by the most unwelcome form of post-nut clarity.

‘You know you—’ He shut his mouth fast, but the unbridled need in Suguru’s voice, coloured by that same raw emotion from before, compelled Satoru to act responsibly. ‘Suguru,’ he tried again. ‘You know I can’t actually—’

‘I thought you could do anything.’

You could do it, Satoru.

The words were the lash of a whip, somehow sharp and brittle in equal measure where they struck Satoru square in the chest. It threatened to shatter this fragile moment, at least until Suguru turned to him over his shoulder. Even beneath black satin, Satoru could somehow sense the vulnerability in his gaze, or perhaps it was just the barely discernible tremor to his voice when he spoke.

‘I need this. Need you.’

Satoru ran his hands up the length of Suguru’s naked body, squeezing them around his hips, pressing them into the dip of his waist, smoothing them over the span of his shoulders. Craving closeness, he lowered himself to where Suguru was laid out over the mattress, burying his face in the curve of his neck. He pressed their bodies together until he could feel Suguru’s heartbeat thundering away beneath his, back to chest, skin to skin.

‘Fuck…’ he whispered, overcome by the weight of his love. He would do anything for this man. He could do anything. ‘Fuck, Suguru…’

‘Yeah,’ came the equally breathy response. ‘Yeah, fuck me, daddy.’

As though he needed any more encouragement, Suguru wriggled his hips until Satoru’s cock slotted into the crack of his ass, grinding against the pillow beneath his body, rocking back and forth as much as Satoru’s weight would allow. Satoru bit down on his shoulder, whimpering at the heat of it. He couldn’t help meeting every roll of Suguru’s hips with one of his own, rutting up against him in search of more friction.

‘Okay,’ he murmured when he could bear it no longer. ‘Okay.’ He leaned up to press a kiss into Suguru’s flushed cheek, brushing his hair from his forehead and adjusting the sleep mask where it had shifted up his face. ‘I’ve got you.’

When Satoru drew back, it was with new resolve. It was with the unwavering belief that, if it was for Suguru, he really could do anything.

Rearranging Suguru on the pillow until his hips were propped up high, Satoru sank his fingers into his ass cheeks and spread them wide, licking his lips at the sight of a pretty hole winking up at him. He couldn’t help leaning down to drag his tongue through the tiny trickle of cum travelling down his taint, moaning in unison with him when he fucked it back inside. His mouth flooded with the bitter taste of himself as he plunged his tongue into him, lapping and sucking at the silky soft skin until Suguru was wet and whining.

Only then did he reluctantly pull back to inspect his work, unable to ignore the ache in his groin any longer. Even shiny with Satoru’s saliva, he still looked like a delightfully snug fit.

He tapped his cockhead against Suguru’s asshole, pushing in a little when it yielded easily. At the slight pressure, his own milky release oozed out around him, coating his flushed skin in his own spend. He pulled away just to see Suguru squeezing down on nothing in his absence, rubbing his dick through the mess then doing it all over again. It was fucking glorious to watch.

Keeping himself steady with a hand on Suguru’s hip, Satoru found himself momentarily distracted from the task at hand, too engrossed by the sight of Suguru’s body eagerly welcoming him in to recall what he had promised. Accompanied by a soundtrack of quiet gasps, Satoru dipped into that hot little hole over and over, pulling back just for the ego massage — just to see how badly Suguru needed him inside.

It was easy to get carried away. Overzealous in his excitement, Satoru soon misjudged the depth, groaning when Suguru’s puffy pink rim slipped all the way past the head of his cock. He immediately punished Satoru for his teasing, clamping down around him as though he intended never to let him go. Pushed out by the squeeze, more cum gushed from the place their bodies were joined and Satoru let out a debauched moan at the image of it. All white and pink and red, like strawberries and cream.

With Suguru sucking him in like that, he knew it was over.

‘Alright,’ he rasped, curling his fingers into his waist. ‘Alright, I’ve got you.’

He allowed himself to pull back for one more look, smearing his cum over himself to smooth the glide. Then, Satoru started driving home at last. He pressed in slow, watching Suguru’s pretty little hole stretching to accommodate the head of his cock, then stretching wider still to accommodate the rest of him. The tightness around Suguru’s entrance, squeezing inch by inch along the length of him, was utterly breathtaking.

Yet more breathtaking was the thought of his cum travelling deeper into Suguru’s body, driven relentlessly forward by Satoru’s unforgiving invasion. He pushed in until his pelvis was flush with Suguru’s ass, and then he pushed in further still, pulling his cheeks apart to make space for himself, hauling Suguru’s hips up to meet him. He pushed in until Suguru was panting into the sheets, squirming for reprieve. He pushed in until he swore he could feel Suguru’s heart kissing the end of his cock.

Buried inside him at last, Satoru leaned down to press his lips to his shoulder, almost apologetic.

He was going to fuck Suguru so hard he wouldn’t be able to walk for days. He was going to fuck Suguru so full of cum he’d feel it dripping down his legs even after he regained the use of them.

Drawing back, Satoru allowed him a single second to catch his breath. Then, he started fucking him like a machine built for a single function. No, he started rutting into him like a beast born for a single purpose.

Holding Suguru in place with an uncompromising grip, Satoru pounded into him with no quarter, urged on by the wild yowls that escaped him each and every time he bottomed out. Mounting Suguru like a dog, Satoru buried his cock inside him over and over and over, urged on by the most basic of all desires. Not even a desire, a need.

He sank his claws into every bit of flesh he could find. He pulled at Suguru’s hair, snarling and snapping his jaws. And he fucked him like never before, never slowing, never stopping. He fucked a load of cum into Suguru and then he just fucked it deeper. He did it again and again, punching orgasm after orgasm into him, painting his guts with his DNA, carving out a space for his seed to take root.

It was primal. It was feral. Listening to the relentless smack, smack, smack of their naked bodies coming together as he speared Suguru on his cock, he had never felt more animal. He had never felt more human.

Finally, Suguru screamed. He howled.

It was a fierce thing, long and loud. Fierce enough to shock Satoru back to his senses. Easing up the pace, he watched in awe as Suguru came untouched, gently fucking him through his orgasm. He rocked his hips slowly, dragging his cock in and out of him as Suguru writhed around on the mattress, watching where his fingers curled into the sheets, watching where his hole spasmed around him.

‘Shit, Suguru.’

Staring down at the creamy mess he’d made all over his cock, Satoru traced his fingertip around where Suguru was still clamping down on him, collecting the cum from his swollen rim. When he tried to push it back inside him, slipping his finger alongside his cock, more trickled out instead. He was so full.

‘Shit,’ Satoru hissed. ‘Look at you, Suguru.’

When he gathered Suguru into his arms, he was all boneless and loose limbed. He was barely able to hold himself upright as Satoru peeled him off his fancy feather pillow.

Carefully, Satoru lifted him out of the damp patch and lowered them both to the floor, keeping Suguru seated on his cock all the while, keeping him plugged up with his cum. Suguru flopped against him, sweaty back to sweaty chest where Satoru settled them against the mattress together. He sighed as Satoru kissed his way up his neck, his jaw, his cheek, holding him close, murmuring soft praise.

It really was regrettable that Suguru didn’t have RCT.

‘Suguru,’ he whispered, nuzzling into the soft skin beneath his ear. ‘You know I’m not done, right?’

The only response he received was a sinful squeeze around his cock, still buried inside Suguru. Message received loud and clear, Satoru wrapped an arm around his torso and started grinding into him with slow rolls of the pelvis, supported by the mattress at his back. With Suguru bundled in his lap, there wasn’t much motion to be found, but it was enough. It was nice. Gentle, almost lazy fucking. The perfect pace for Suguru’s poor overstimulated prostate.

Sighing, Satoru grabbed at his chest, tugging on his nipples. Motivated by the tiny moans that slipped from his mouth, he squeezed the ample muscle there, playing with his tits the way he knew Suguru liked best. Then, reminded of why he’d put it on in the first place, Satoru reached up to readjust the sleep mask over Suguru’s eyes, then down over his body to touch his softening cock — but he didn’t wrap his hand around it. Instead, he pressed two fingers to the sensitive head, rubbing little circles into his frenulum.

‘What about you, mommy?’ In his arms, Suguru’s entire body went as taut as a wire, a trickle of cum spilling out of his ass as he shuddered around Satoru’s cock. ‘Think you can go again, too?’

This time, his answer was an animalistic whine, accompanied by a tentative twitch of Suguru’s dick. Encouraged, Satoru pressed down a little harder, thrust into him a little harder. He was pretty sure Suguru wouldn’t orgasm again any time soon, but that was okay. This stimulation served a different purpose.

Working that little spot under his fingers, Satoru rutted up into him with renewed energy now. Enraptured by bitten lips, open in a never-ending sigh where Suguru’s head was thrown back on his shoulder, Satoru chased his own finish, grunting as he rolled his hips with increasing urgency.

He didn’t know what number he was on at this point. Didn’t care until Suguru jerked in his hold and Satoru felt more of his precious seed flood out of him, hot and wet and nasty where it dripped down his balls.

Overcome by a peculiar sense of panic, he yanked Suguru down onto his cock, plugging him up before any more could escape. ‘Squeeze tight for me, Suguru,’ he murmured. ‘You don’t want to see daddy’s cum go to waste, do you?’

‘Oh fuck.’ At once, Suguru dutifully clenched down around him. ‘Oh my god.’

He threw his arm around Satoru’s shoulders for support, but as Suguru shifted on his cock, yet more trickled out around it. Agitated, Satoru gritted his teeth, reminding himself it wasn’t Suguru’s fault. It wasn’t his fault some brute had fucked his hole all sloppy. And it wasn’t like Satoru didn’t have more to give.

As he neared his nth climax, his thrusts became more haphazard, less coordinated. Suguru was trying his best, squeezing with all his might, but it wasn’t enough. Satoru felt cum dribble out of him again, whining like a dog when he realised it was wasting down his thighs.

‘Suguru,’ he said urgently, abandoning his now half-hard dick to press him down by the hips instead. ‘Suguru, you have to keep it inside! How am I going to get you pregnant if you don’t keep it inside?’

‘Oh my fucking god.’

He sobbed and squeezed and spasmed and squandered Satoru’s seed. And Satoru had just had enough.

With a growl, he tipped Suguru forward onto the carpet, pushing him down onto his elbows until he was safely ass up, swallowing at the sight he was confronted with. Satoru wished he could say he was sorry and mean it. In the absence of his cock, Suguru’s poor hole looked thoroughly abused, red raw and gaping — at least until he squeezed down and cum came rushing to the surface.

‘Please, Suguru!’ Satoru was almost beside himself as he scooped it onto his fingers and pressed them against Suguru’s sore rim, feeding it back into him, followed immediately by his cock. ‘I need you to hold it in,’ he said, gripping onto his waist and frantically pressing his pelvis flush to Suguru’s body lest any more escape. He started hammering into him again, holding onto his shoulder for purchase, certain it would take if he could just fuck it deep enough. ‘I need you to keep it for me, Suguru.’

‘You gonna fill me up, daddy?’ Suguru could barely speak, every word knocked out of him by the force of Satoru’s thrusts shunting his knees forward, rubbing them raw against the carpet. Then, breathless, he gasped, ‘Gonna fuck a baby in me?’

It was the first time Suguru had said the words aloud.

‘Fuck—’

And somehow, they changed everything.

Satoru’s fingers curled into his waist hard enough to draw a whine from him. Pressing his forehead to Suguru’s back, he bit down on his lip to stave off an orgasm that was suddenly too much, too soon.

What was the difference between breeding Suguru and planting a precious little life inside him?

A baby. Their baby.

‘Fuck, Suguru,’ he breathed. ‘Yes.’ But not like this. ‘Yes.’

Frantic, desperate, he pulled back. Suguru yelped at the sudden loss of fullness, then yelped again when Satoru turned him over, far less gentle than he should have been as he laid him out over the carpet and pressed into him again. With his knees hooked under Satoru’s elbows, Suguru cried out at the unexpected depth, squeezing around him as Satoru’s hips slapped against the swell of his ass.

‘I’ll fill you up,’ Satoru breathed, transfixed by the shine to Suguru’s open mouth, leaking from the corners. ‘Gonna fuck you so full of my cum.’ He rocked his pelvis back, slow at first, careful with himself but not with Suguru. ‘I’ll keep you like that,’ he said, slipping his hand up a muscled calf until he found Suguru’s ankle. Wrapping his fingers around it, he pushed it as far as it would go, finding new depths inside Suguru still. ‘Keep fucking it into you until it takes. Keep you til it takes and then keep you after that, too.’

He watched with fascination as Suguru thrashed around under him, his expression almost pained as Satoru fucked him into the floorboards. Almost pained beneath black silk. Too hard without the cushion of the carpet. Suguru liked it rough, but he needed the softness to make it bearable.

A softness that Satoru sorely lacked.

‘You won’t have to worry,’ he said suddenly, shaping his voice into something low and gentle, even as his hips picked up the frenzied pace from before. ‘I’ll…’ He swallowed, his fingers trembling as they moved to Suguru’s face, slipped beneath black satin. ‘I’ll take care of you, Suguru. Both of you.’

His pretty eyes rolled in his skull as they sought Satoru out, blinking against the sudden light. All flushed cheeks and wide eyed gaze, he looked needy and exposed under the inviolable weight of Satoru’s body. Caged against the floor, with his wild hair falling in dark damp tangles all around him, he looked vulnerable. Easy to break.

‘I’ll take care of all of you.’

‘You’re so good, daddy,’ Suguru whispered, and Satoru’s breath stuttered in time with his hips. ‘Such a good daddy. Say it for me.’

Not a weapon then, but a stronghold.

‘I’ll be good for you, Suguru,’ he promised, brushing inky strands of hair from Suguru’s sweat-sticky cheeks. ‘I’ll be good.’

Not enough.

‘Say it, Satoru.’ Suddenly, Suguru’s hands were cradling his face, his thumbs gentle where they brushed over Satoru’s cheekbones, even as Satoru stole all the air from his lungs with every slap of skin on skin. ‘Tell me you’re a good daddy.’

‘I’m a…’ Not soft. Never soft, but safe. ‘I’m a good daddy.’

Blinking tears from his dark eyes, Suguru’s lips came crashing into his. He tasted like toothpaste and sweat. He tasted like mundane and wonderful things. He tasted like a quiet night together after they’d put the kids to bed.

‘Again.’

Satoru complied as he came for the last time that evening, moaning into Suguru’s open mouth, praying that this one would take.

‘I’m a good daddy.’

Just for a moment, Satoru believed it.

—

In the wake of it, Satoru felt exposed in a way he hadn’t since Fushiguro Tōji had driven a knife into his throat and dragged it all the way through his guts. The same Fushiguro Tōji who’d left him a kid he didn’t know how to care for. The same kid that had started all of this.

Anything that was for Suguru was also for Satoru, usually.

This time, he wasn’t sure.

As he helped Suguru clean up, it weighed heavily on Satoru. He ran another bath, guiltily carrying Suguru to the tub when his legs wouldn’t hold him. He hissed when Satoru lowered him into the hot water, his delicate skin irritated and inflamed where it had been pounded into it without reprieve. As he slowly relaxed into it, carefully settling his body against the back of the tub, his eyebrows pulled together a little. It was easy to see he was in pain.

He was smiling though. He hadn’t stopped smiling, in fact.

With his chin propped on the side of the tub, Satoru could only look on helplessly. He wondered what to say, if he should say anything at all. He wondered how Suguru could look so happy when he felt so hollow. When he felt like a liar, most of all.

It weighed heavily on Satoru. Too heavily, in the end.

‘I’m not his daddy, Suguru.’

It slipped out between quiet drips of water from the faucet, echoing against the bathroom tiles.

To his surprise, Suguru’s smile didn’t falter. His tired eyes fluttered open as he turned to Satoru, head rolling against the back of the tub, and it was only then that Satoru realised he didn’t actually look happy at all. Not quite.

‘And I’ll never get pregnant.’ His voice was coloured by laughter that felt entirely out of place. It was devastating. ‘We’ll never have a family together.’

It was devastating.

Anything that was for Suguru was also for Satoru, but if it wasn’t for Suguru, who the fuck was it for?

This, too, felt like Satoru’s failing. He wished he’d said nothing at all. He’d do anything to erase the anguished upturn to the corners of Suguru’s lips. He’d do anything to take away the hurt glistening at the corners of his eyes.

Suguru did it himself in the end, sweeping his wet fingers under his lashes, collecting the tears before Satoru could do it for him. Always too slow. Always trying to catch up. His hand passed over his face, and when it came away, Suguru was still smiling but all traces of his sorrow were vanished.

‘But there’s no harm in wishing. No harm in pretending.’

Looking at the smile of a conman — the smile of a cult leader — Satoru couldn’t find it in him to agree. It was a grim reminder that, rather than together, they stood on opposite sides of a futile and needless war. Rather than mommy and daddy, they were curse and cursed. There was only one way this could end.

Even if he’d never admit it, Suguru knew better than anyone that there was a difference between wishful thinking and pretending. He was the pretender between the two of them, but Satoru had always been the optimist. Hopeful, yes, but realistic.

He knew there was only one way this could end.

Yet earlier that evening, his brain had conjured up a million futures he hadn’t realised he was allowed to consider before they’d long since become impossibilities. It was stupid, following a train of thought that would forever lead to a dead end, but he couldn’t help asking the question.

‘Suguru,’ he began quietly. ‘Was that for you or for me?’ Pointless, grieving something that could never come to pass, but he needed to know. ‘Don’t say it doesn’t make a difference. Who was it for?’

In the silence that followed, they stared at each other through the steam rising off the surface of the bath. Suguru’s eyes were hard to read where they glittered with the reflections. He closed them before Satoru could divine anything from their swirling depths.

Sighing, he shook his head without giving Satoru an answer, but as he sank into the hot water, Suguru was smiling again.

And Satoru knew. He knew.