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“Are we deadass bro?”
Egg looked up from where he was wrapping lights around a giant Christmas tree to glance at Wemmbu curiously. “What bro?” He tilted his head. “You don’t like Christmas or something?”
Wemmbu just blinked, slowly. Never in his life had he seen a place so overly decorated that it actually gave him a headache. And he didn’t dislike Christmas either, but he’d never celebrated it more than getting Egg a dumb, meaningless gift at the last second. This, however, was… a lot. “Bro, since when do you like Christmas so much? It looks like a bad Christmas movie threw up in here,” he tried not to twist his nose in disgust as he looked around what was once Minute’s respectable end base. “Does Minute even know about this?”
Finishing the lights and walking around the tree to inspect his work, Egg just hummed. “He doesn’t have to know bro. He’s out right now anyway,” he stopped to fix a branch that was out of place before continuing, “I think he has his own Christmas party to attend to.”
“Yeah…” Wemmbu took a cautious step further into the base. He didn’t even know what he thought would happen if he moved too fast, maybe the Christmas monster would attack him or something. “So you’re setting all this up… just because you want to feel the Christmas spirit or something?”
Egg tilted his head at Wemmbu as if he just asked the dumbest question ever. “No bro, this is for our Christmas party, hello?” He swept his eyes around the decked-out main room. “It wouldn’t kill you to help out actually.”
Wemmbu stared at him blankly for a moment. “Our Christmas party? Since when did we agree to throw a Christmas party?”
“We didn’t, but I made the executive decision, y’know?” he said casually before pulling out an actual pocket watch that he just had for some reason because he’s weird. “Actually, the cookies should be done right about now bro, could you go take them out for me while I finish up decorating?”
“You made cookies too?” Wemmbu asked in astonishment. “I didn’t even know you could get anywhere near a kitchen without burning it down bro.”
Egg didn’t look up from where he was adjusting the garland that was lining one of the doors. “That’s all you bro, and you’re proving it by just standing there instead of getting the cookies out. They’re gonna burn.”
Wemmbu didn’t say anything, a little shocked by how seriously Egg was taking things. He did as he was told though, and began walking to the kitchen where the smell of baked goods got stronger.
Turns out, Egg didn’t just bake cookies, he made two loaves of fruit cake, three pans of gingerbread cookies, two other pans of sugar cookies in addition to the one Wemmbu was pulling out, and some sort of pudding.
“Bro,” Wemmbu called as he put on the pink oven mitts that Minute owned for some reason, hoping his voice was loud enough for Egg to hear from the other room. “Why did you make enough food for an army? There’s no way we can eat this much.”
Egg didn’t respond immediately, but his approaching footsteps could be heard as Wemmbu pulled out the pan of cookies. They actually looked really good. Maybe he could eat all this.
With a jingle of bells that he was for some reason holding, Egg appeared in the doorway and walked over to inspect the fresh cookies. “Oh good, you didn’t burn them,” he commented, and before Wemmbu could say anything about the near-insult, he continued, “and we need this much bro. It should be the perfect amount for all the guests.”
Wemmbu froze as he was taking the oven mitts off. “The what? There’s other people coming?”
“Uh yeah?” Egg looked at Wemmbu as if it were obvious. “You can’t have a party with only two people bro, that’s just lame. Especially with you since you’re Mr. Negative all the time.”
“Who could you possibly have invited bro?” Wemmbu asked, deciding to ignore that last comment. They didn’t have very many allies at the moment, especially with Minute out of the question. Unless Egg invited, like, a bunch of random players from spawn or something.
Egg pushed the jingle bells into Wemmbu’s hands and began transferring the fresh cookies onto the cooling rack. “Oh you know. I figured inviting our opps would be a good way to improve diplomatic relations with some festive cheer.”
Wemmbu took one of the bells in his hand and shook it. It jingled nicely. “Right, of course bro,” he said lightly. He wondered if attaching a bell to one of his horns would be annoying or not. “Who did you actually-”
“No, I’m being serious, Flamefrags is on his way.”
Wemmbu paused and stared at Egg, waiting for him to reveal that he was joking. “What?”
“Parrot and Spoke should be on their way too, though I told them they could bring a friend so Theo and Mapicc might be coming as well but-”
“Egg,” Wemmbu interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m giving you a chance to tell me this is a joke before I genuinely slime you out for this.”
Egg visibly gulped. “Uh-”
The sound of footsteps descending the stairs to the main room cut Egg off as they both turned in the direction of the noise. “Oh wow, better go greet the guests!” Egg laughed as he began leaving. Before he made it out of the room though, he turned back to Wemmbu. “Oh and before you come out,” he took something out of his inventory and threw it at Wemmbu, “put this on so you’re not underdressed.”
Wemmbu caught the items as Egg disappeared into the main room, and looking down, he found that he’d been given…
“Eugh…” he couldn’t stop the noise of disgust that escaped his mouth as he looked down at the ugliest and most uncomfortable looking sweater ever, alongside a Santa hat which wouldn’t even fit over his horns. Yeah, there was no universe where he would be wearing any of that. The most he would do was tie jingle bells to his horns. Egg would just have to be satisfied with that.
So, Wemmbu jingled back into the main room, bracing for impact if Egg had actually invited their three biggest opps. He was planning on staying in the kitchen for longer to steal some of the cookies (he still managed to sneak one) but he figured that leaving Egg alone with people that probably wanted him dead wasn’t the best idea.
“...it’s awfully… festive in here bro.” Wemmbu heard Parrot’s voice as he got closer. And once he rounded the giant Christmas tree in the middle of the room, he saw Parrot and Theo standing at the bottom of the stairs as Egg took their coats. Theo, notably, was just about as decorated as the tree was, meanwhile Parrot was just wearing his normal clothes.
Parrot was the first to notice Wemmbu’s arrival, though everyone else followed soon after as he was jingling quite loudly. “Wemmbu,” he addressed tightly.
“Yo, nice party bro,” Theo piped up, nodding at him. “Love the festivities. Do you guys have eggnog?”
Egg perked up. “Yes bro, I got a lot. Follow me,” he said as he began leading Theo into the kitchen, leaving Wemmbu alone with Parrot.
The two of them looked at each other silently until Wemmbu couldn’t take it anymore and spoke up. “I didn’t take you as the kinda guy to go to a Christmas party bro. You don’t seem like you have fun very often.”
Parrot drew his wings closer to his body. “I didn’t take you as the kind of guy to throw a Christmas party, Wemmbu.” He looked around. “This feels like a trap waiting to happen, and if it were entirely up to me, I wouldn’t have come, but Theo insisted.”
“You have literally nothing to worry about bro, this was all Egg’s doing. I didn’t even know we were having a Christmas party until like five minutes ago, and it would be a miracle if a trap built by Egg actually worked,” Wemmbu laughed, imagining Egg attempting to make a trap and failing.
“Uh huh…” Parrot hummed uncertainly, though his shoulders seemed to relax a little at that. “What kind of… festivities are you guys even planning here bro?”
Wemmbu tilted his head, which in turn jingled his bells. “Dude, I just told you I had no part in-”
“Hello everyone! Guess who’s here!” The loud, unmistakable sound of Spoke’s voice sang from the top of the staircase, followed by giggles from him and probably Mapicc.
Parrot sighed, loudly, as he turned to face the stairs. “You really invited this guy bro?”
Wemmbu sighed as well. “It was Egg bro, not me.”
As Spoke and Mapicc appeared in his line of sight, Wemmbu almost sighed again when he saw what they were wearing.
“What is up my friends?” Spoke asked as he frolicked in, dressed in a complete Santa costume, beard and all. “Are we ready to get our festive cheer on?”
“I am, I am, I am!” Mapicc encouraged gleefully in his reindeer costume, and honestly, Wemmbu was surprised he wasn’t walking on all fours at this point. “Oh, I hope they have presents, Spoke!”
“We don’t,” Wemmbu deadpanned before adding, “I think.” Because he honestly didn’t know. With how much effort Egg had put into this, he wouldn’t even be that shocked.
“Boo, let’s leave Spoke, this place is lame,” Mapicc complained despite walking further in and inspecting the Christmas tree.
Meanwhile, Parrot was looking both Spoke and Mapicc up and down. “Dude, what are you guys wearing?” he laughed. “This isn’t a costume party.”
Spoke turned to Parrot and made a face as if he was just now noticing him. “Oh, hello, Parrot. Fancy seeing you here. I’m noticing your lack of Christmas joy…”
“Yeah bro, cheer up,” Wemmbu added, deciding to take Spoke’s side even though he’d just been complaining about how over the top this all was. “Embrace your Christmas side.”
Parrot looked between the two of them before turning around and walking in the direction of the kitchen. “I’m going to find Theo bro.”
Wemmbu looked after him. “Bro, Theo’s probably eaten all the cookies by now.”
Both Spoke and Mapicc perked up, and Spoke slowly stepped toward Wemmbu. “I noticed you mentioned cookies, Wemmbu… would you care to point me in the direction of such delicacies?”
“They’re in that room Parrot just went into,” Wemmbu replied, taking a step back so he wasn’t as close to Spoke.
“Yippie!” Mapicc cheered, already starting in that direction. “Last one there is a scrambled egg!”
“That’s not fair, you had a head start!” Spoke called after him, running off too. Wemmbu was going to follow after them, not by running though, but another set of footsteps caught his attention. There was only one other person Egg said he’d invited…
Wemmbu waited a few more seconds before turning around and-
“Bro, this place is so festive it’s making my eyes hurt,” Flame complained as he stepped off the stairs, looking around with his nose turned up in disapproval. He wasn’t dressing in anything related to Christmas at all, just his regular gear.
Trying to suppress a groan at Flame’s negativity, Wemmbu just crossed his arms and leaned back on his heels. “I didn’t know people who were allergic to fun came to parties.”
Flame looked at him for the first time, eyes catching on the bells hanging off his horns. “Well you invited me so I kinda figured it was a trap or something. I didn’t think you were serious about the whole Christmas thing bro,” he gestured to Wemmbu’s bells as he spoke.
Wemmbu rolled his eyes. “I didn’t invite you, this was all Egg’s idea. And I dunno what you’re so grumpy for bro, it’s free cookies.”
“Oh, we actually brought cookies,” a new voice joined in from the top of the stairs, and when Wemmbu turned to look, he found Lomedy, holding a tin of, presumably, cookies and wearing a cozy-looking Christmas sweater.
“There’s no ‘we’ here bro, you’re the one who insisted it was rude to show up empty handed. I had no part in that,” Flame asserted, making an ‘x’ with his arms as Lomedy finished descending the stairs and stood next to him.
Lomedy pushed the tin of cookies into the side of Flame’s arm. “I came here with you though, which means we brought them. And it is rude to show up empty handed bro, everyone knows that.”
“Everyone else showed up empty handed,” Wemmbu added unhelpfully. “But everyone Egg invited is kind of a bum so…”
“Exactly bro,” Lomedy agreed, smiling. “Is there anywhere I can set the cookies?”
Wemmbu pointed to the kitchen while Flame asked, “Who else is here bro?”
Lomedy walked away and into the kitchen while Wemmbu answered with a grimace, “Parrot, Theo, Spoke, Mapicc, and Egg.”
Flame made a face. “Bro you invited the worst people oh my god.”
“It wasn’t me bro, it was Egg,” Wemmbu groaned, annoyed that he had to keep reiterating that. “If I had to choose, I wouldn't have even had a party at all, especially not with any of you.”
“Sure bro, sure,” Flame smirked, reaching over and flicking one of Wemmbu’s bells so it jingled. “You seem like you’re having the absolute worst time of your life right now,” he laughed before walking past Wemmbu and off toward the kitchen.
Wemmbu just stood there for a moment, baffled, before running after Flame, obviously not going to let that slide. Thankfully, he still had the Santa hat Egg gave him in his inventory!
“Bro if you were jealous of my festivities,” Wemmbu started, lunging at Flame and successfully placing the hat on his head, “you could have just said so!”
Flame reeled back, trying to rip the hat off his head unsuccessfully as some of the threads had gotten stuck in his hair already. “Are we serious bro?
The sight of Flame, the so-called ‘immortal demon’, in a cheap Santa hat made Wemmbu laugh so hard it almost brought tears to his eyes, and he couldn’t stop laughing long enough to respond.
“You’re so weird bro,” Flame muttered as they walked into the kitchen and were met with utter chaos.
Wemmbu looked up from his laughing at the noise, and found Spoke, Mapicc, Egg, and Theo all covered in frosting for some reason, meanwhile Parrot was standing off to the side with Lomedy trying to get a string of christmas lights unstuck from his wings. And almost immediately after stepping in, Wemmbu found the reason for the frosting.
The two main sources of noise, Spoke and Mapicc, were throwing frosting at Theo and Egg while they were trying to frost cookies. And once the giggle monsters (Spoke and Mapicc) caught sight of Wemmbu and Flame, Mapicc cried, “Spoke we have fresh cookies to decorate, get them!”
Both Spoke and Mapicc got up, frosting in hand, and started running at Flame and Wemmbu.
“Oh hell nah,” Flame shook his head, trying to turn around before Wemmbu pushed him back into the room, using him as a shield. “Bro there’s no way, get out from behind me!” He pushed Wemmbu back and further into the room, but Wemmbu managed to dart between all the frosting and made it to Egg, using his wings as a shield instead.
“Bro, how did you let it get this bad?” Wemmbu asked from behind Egg, peeking out and watching Flame try to dodge all the incoming attacks.
Egg looked over his shoulder at Wemmbu as he licked some frosting off his finger. “I dunno bro, they just came in here and… asserted themselves I guess.”
“Yeah bro,” Theo joined in, and Wemmbu only now registered that he was standing next to them. “Egg suggested we decorate cookies, and it went normally for about five seconds before someone, I don’t even know who, threw frosting at Spoke, and then it all went downhill from there.”
“Bro, this is why you shouldn’t have invited these guys, Minute’s gonna kill us when he sees the mess they made.” Wemmbu winced as another glob of frosting landed on the walls.
Egg lowered his wing, urging Wemmbu to look at the fight. “Yeah, but look how jolly they are right now. Even Flame’s throwing frosting.”
Wemmbu looked, and he found that Flame had indeed joined in on the fight now too. He was grinning evilly as he hit Mapicc square in the eye. “I mean I guess bro.” He watched the fight for a few more seconds before remembering something. “Wait what happened to Parrot then?”
Theo audibly sighed. “Bro, that kid’s an actual brick. He walked too close to some lights that were strung up on the wall and they got tangled in his wings somehow.” He shook his head disappointedly. “That’s why I’m the biggest bird bro, that kind of shit never happens to me.”
Looking over at Parrot still trying to get the lights out of his wings, Wemmbu burst out laughing. “There’s no way bro.” His bells jingled as he giggled, making a noise that must have alerted Parrot as he looked over at them, and seeing him again just made Wemmbu laugh harder.
Sensing that he was being made fun of, Parrot pranced over, lights, and Lomedy, dragging behind him the whole way. “Is something funny bro?” Parrot asked, crossing his arms. “I could hear your jingling from all the way over there.”
Wemmbu tried to respond but he couldn’t form a reply with how hard he was laughing at Parrot dragging the lights with him. Egg started chuckling too.
Parrot rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why you’re laughing when you’re literally hiding behind Egg right now bro,” he said before turning to Theo. “Theo bro, get these off of me. Lomedy is useless.”
“I tried my hardest bro,” Lomedy added weakly, though he’d started giggling as well.
“I’m sure you did your best bro,” Theo comforted Lomedy before turning Parrot around and getting to work on his wings.
Eventually, Wemmbu’s laughing died down enough for him to speak, and he turned to Lomedy, a new goal in mind. “Yo Lomedy,” he whispered, though literally everyone standing there heard him since they were all standing in a group. Egg and Lomedy were the only ones that actually reacted though, and Wemmbu gestured for Lomedy to come closer.
Obliging, Lomedy walked over to Wemmbu and whispered back, “What’s up bro?”
“You see those sugar cookies on the table over there bro?” Wemmbu asked, pointing. He waited until Lomedy looked and nodded before continuing. “I need you to go brave the battlefield and get me a few.”
“Okay…” Lomedy agreed slowly. “Why though?”
Wemmbu sighed as if it were the most obvious question ever. “Because if I go out there, they’re all gonna target me and then I’ll get covered in gloop. But if you,” he poked Lomedy in the chest, “go out there, Flame won’t hit you because you guys are friends, so it’s safer for all of us if you go.”
“Wait, get me some too while you’re out,” Egg added.
“Uh, I don’t know if I-”
Wemmbu cut Lomedy off by pushing him out into the fray. “Okay thanks Lomedy, you’re the best!”
Egg and Wemmbu giggled as they watched Lomedy stumble and dodge frosting to make it to the cookies, but true to his theory, Flame didn’t attack him at all, so it was definitely a win.
And after getting their sugar cookies, lightly frosted, and thoroughly scaring Lomedy off, Wemmbu and Egg settled in a corner and began eating. Peacefully chatting despite how loud the room was.
After a good ten minutes, the frosting fight died out as both sides agreed that they were uncomfortably sticky, and they began wiping themselves off, to little avail, with napkins. Parrot’s wings had gotten unstuck at some point too, and now he was sitting with them very neatly folded behind his back next to Theo. They were both sipping eggnog.
As the night continued on, everyone ended up sitting on the floor, just chatting with each other, and honestly Wemmbu was surprised everything turned out so well. He was honestly expecting at least one casualty with the group of people they had. But everything turned out fine aside from a minor frosting mess.
At some point, people began falling asleep, much to Wemmbu’s annoyance because how could they fall asleep in someone else’s base? That was just bad manners.
First it was Spoke, followed quickly by Mapicc as they’d fallen asleep on top of each other. They’d really made themselves at home and were laid out like starfish on the floor.
Then, surprisingly, Flame fell asleep next, likely tired from the fight. This was only discovered after Lomedy suggested they leave and got no reply from Flame, and then upon lifting his blindfold he found him asleep. Lomedy fell asleep too soon after, saying something about how he didn’t wanna leave without Flame.
Wemmbu really wanted to mess with Flame and draw a mustache or something, but he was also getting tired himself and didn’t particularly want to get up so he didn’t.
The next to go was Parrot. He was leaning back against the wall using his wings as a blanket, and when Theo tried to shake him awake, he just mumbled something about being exhausted and fell back asleep. Theo seemed to accept his fate after that and just snuggled up against the wall as well.
Wemmbu found himself drifting off too as he felt Egg’s head hit his shoulder. Cracking an eye open, he found Egg fast asleep, using his shoulder as a pillow. Wemmbu didn’t have the energy to move him, or get up to find an actual bed, so he just rested his head on top of Egg’s and pulled one of his wings over them to use as a blanket before falling asleep as well.
And as he was drifting off, he couldn’t help but think that he actually didn’t mind having everyone over. He might have, just maybe, had fun.