Chapter Text
North America - Ohio - SkibidiStreet
In a very plain suburban room, covered in cheeto dust and various sodas is a kid staring intensely at his Ipad.
His orange stained fingers tap on its screen where an app with a blue and pink music note for a logo sits.
The screen smudges with grease and cheese as the app covers the entire screen.
“I bought a property in Egy–”
Swipe
“Tung Tung Tung Sah–”
Swipe
“Top 10 best fruits to grow in your garden! Watch to the end for an exclusive giveaw–”
Swipe
“Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday–”
Swipe
“Due to the Chicken Jockey trend, the Minecraft Movie still reigns supreme with an astounding rating at an average of 6 to 7–”
CRASH
The Ipad suddenly crashed into the floor, the eyes of its owner dilating to the max.
Their hands slowly rise to their chest level– palms facing the ceiling.
Suddenly they start bouncing up and down wildly.
“SIXXXXXXXXXXXX SEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNN!!!!”
Every window in a 2 kilometer radius is immediately shattered as the soundwaves resound throughout the neighborhood.
Glass crashes to the floor in the kitchen with loud footsteps thundering out right after.
The door to the room slams open.
“TIMMY SHUT THE FUCK UP OR IM BEATING YOU WITH THE FUCKING BELT.”
“But mom! SIX SEEEVEN!!”
Their hands flail wildly once more. Making them seem like a deranged lunatic.
“You still havent done your fucking chores, get your ass outside before your banned from your Ipad for the next 2 weeks.”
With very great reluctance the Ipad is placed down on the table, its owner leaving the room with an expression similar to a person that just heard their entire family was going to die.
The lights flick off with only the glow of the device used to doomscroll remaining.
A portal with purple fog covering it appears in the middle of the room.
Out of it steps a woman wearing fully black clothing with skin as white as their own hair. A green and black butterfly hairclip placed on its side.
They reach over and grab the Ipad, a solar powered powerbank, a charger, and a pair of headphones before going back through the same portal they entered through.
Elior Forest, A Random Wooden Building.
The same purple portal appears within the empty dusty shack.
A white head of hair peeks out and looks in all directions before fully stepping out.
She walks over to the giant bed in the corner of the room and grabs the items she stole out of her clothing one by one.
The clean Ipad (She has standards and wont just give her a cheeto dust covered Ipad) is placed neatly on the bed, surrounded by the remaining items needed to power it.
Don't question how the Wifi works, Echidna has her ways.
Just as quick and quietly as she entered, she left through the portal.
Sneaky Timeskip.
An innocent silver haired half-elf casually sits on the root of a nearby tree, the sturdy wood is strong enough to carry her weight effortlessly while she hums a self-made lullaby to herself.
Her amethyst eyes constantly admire her surroundings as she sways slightly in sync to her lullaby.
They land on the frozen ice statues she has been tending to all this time. The elves that her innocent mind has been set on saving for as long as she can remember.
Her musings are cut short from the growl of her stomach, the sound being loud and sudden does a great job at startling her.
She pats it for a second before the full weight of her hunger finally settles in.
She jumps to her feet and starts walking back to her house, the only house she was able to find and inhabit without disturbing anyone else.
If only she could connect to other people better, then she could show them that she's harmless and not some witch.
In the distance she sees her house between the maze of tall trees.
Her eyes flicker above it and she huffs with a bit of annoyance, the snow on her roof has gathered a thick layer yet again.
It's going to be such a chore to remove it all again.
She walks up to the front door of the building. On a rusty nail hangs a wooden nameplate displaying the words ‘Emilia & Puck’.
A quick turn of the handle and she steps inside and grabs a nearby brush.
She walks to her table and grabs a stool from underneath, sits on it, and brushes the stray pieces of snow stuck in her hair.
Roughly 70% of the small chunks are gone by the end of it, the rest are out of reach for her short arms.
Either they have to melt away on their own from her body heat or Puck has to get them out later.
Her stomach rumbled once more, reminding her of her previous goal.
She stood up and slid the stool back under the table where it originally was. Then she places the brush back and heads over to her storage jars.
As she passes the bed she notices a black square on her bed, surrounded by various shiny objects.
“What? Did Puck get me a gift?”
Her eyes lit up at the thought, and with her hunger immediately forgotten, she grabbed the square with a joyful expression.
Her pinky finger accidentally presses the power button.
She jumps slightly as the device suddenly gains new colours. The background is a weird green square human riding an equally square chicken. You could even call them a Chicken Jockey.
There's large numbers covering the top of the screen, showing 13:37 Wed Dec 24
(Echidna changed the time settings to European and the language to Lugunican)
With slight hesitation she reaches out and touches it with her finger. Once nothing happens she swipes across the surface instead.
It suddenly transitions to a completely different one. Now there's small paintings covering it at symmetrical intervals.
She squints her eyes and reads them out loud.
“Roblox…”
“Youtube…”
“Tiktok.”
“Magikarp Jump?”
Filled with curiosity to the point she resembles another pale haired woman, she reaches out again and taps on a black square with a musical note in the center of it.
The entire screen blacks out for a second as the app grows in size till it fills every inch of it.
Emilia completely freezes, before shrieking loudly and chucking the Ipad forward onto the pillow as she covers her own eyes.
On the screen in front of her is the head of a decapitated black man, his severed hands continuously spinning around him like a water wheel.
Eventually the video finishes playing, automatically swiping to the next one.
Emilia notices the change and peeks out from between her fingers.
“Pleaaasee Speed I need thiiissss.”
Another black man is in the corner of the square while another one builds wooden structures in the center of it.
“My mom is kinda homeless.”
He suddenly completely changes his expression, his lips puckering while closing his eyes tightly to hold back his laughter.
Seeing the expression, Emilia lets out a small snort, her interest in this device quickly peaking.
She sits up again, crawling forward and picking it up.
Swipe
Western Village, Several Days Later.
A shopkeeper sits behind the counter with a bored expression, there haven't been many customers today.
Besides the 2 regulars, you don't find any new people in this far off and poor village.
The sunlight entering the store from the front is blocked by a figure.
Finally a customer.
The shopkeeper turns around, only to freeze for a split second before regaining his composure.
A familiar hooded figure stands at the entrance, the famous witch living within the forest.
The only reason he even accepts her trades is due to his sheer desperation, if he could afford it then he would have never been doing business with her.
She places a small bag on the table, he doesn't even need to look inside the bag to know it's the same bundle of glintstones she always brings.
“The usual, please.”
He walks to the back of the building and grabs a bag filled with nuts, the only thing she ever buys besides the things he offers himself to get more glintstones from her.
When he finished putting the nuts inside of a bag, then she opened her mouth again.
The hooded silver haired half-elf spoke almost too calmly, like she was hiding her true emotions behind pure willpower.
She leaned in slightly, causing him to flinch, and whispered in a low tone
“Do you know Baby Gronk?”
He didn't. He didn't know anyone with that name, and he could only pray that however this ‘Baby Gronk’ was, will meet a peaceful end before she reached them.
He desperately shakes his head, and stammers out.
“N-no, I-i don't know a-anyone by t-that n-name.
The terrifying witch continued to gaze at him from beneath her hood, then responded.
“I see.”
She took her bag and left the store. Leaving him with ragged breaths and a pounding heart.
Elior Forest, Day of Red Earth and Sky
Puck grits his teeth as he dodges her another blast of fire that completely incinerates the forest behind him.
He quickly freezes over the burning areas and crystallizes another fireball coming at him.
Melakuera, currently in the form of several horses, repeatedly fires at Puck, aiming to overwhelm him with sheer numbers.
From the opposite side of the forest, a door from a wooden hut slams open.
A head of silver hairs peeks out, face filled with annoyance and a voice like irritated and rusty silver bells.
(How are silver bells any different than golden ones, not to mention bells don't sound good)
Headphones are snugly fit around her head and covering her elven ears.
“Puuuuck!! You’re ruining my edging session!! How am I supposed to watch the Minecraft Movie with all this noise?!”
Puck’s cat ears pick this up, and yells back as gently as he can.
“Lia, as much as i love you and would do anything you want, i really cant turn it down so please endure till this fight is over!!”
He returns his focus to the fight, determined to end this as soon as possible.
Sneaky Timeskip, Roswaal POV
I open my book once more, confirming the instructions one final time before entering the forest.
The silver haired half ̶b̶i̶t̶c̶h̶-elf within Elior Forest is the fifth dragon candidate. Sponsor her in the selection.
He searches the snowy woods, encountering and eliminating several Snow Blights on his search.
A number of areas are searched, a dense enclosure of large trees with an abundance of glintstones, a snowy road with long frozen blood stains, a lake with a large black shadow underneath the frozen water, and a village where he learns of a witch inhabiting the nearby area.
Once he arrives at the location, he finds a wooden shack that looks like it's about to fall apart.
I knock on the door, right next to the nameplate hanging on the front, patiently waiting to see if anyone is home.
A loud groan is heard from inside, followed by light footsteps that approach the door.
The door is opened enough for a single face to be visible.
Silver hair.
Pointy ears.
She should be it.
“Hellooooooooooooooooooo–”
“Im not interested in girl scout cookies.”
I blink, that was not the answer I was expecting.
“I'm not tryiiiiiing to sell anythiiiiiiiiing, I merely wish to veeeeeeerify something with an insigniaaaaaaaaaa.”
I take out the dragon insignia from my pocket and hold it out to her.
“Simplyyyyy place this in youuuuuuuur palm and if it glooooooooows then you aaaaaare a royal draaaaaaagon candidate.
She looks at the insignia, then my face, then at the insignia and grabs it.
It lays flat in her palm, then starts to glow brightly.
“Thaaaaaaaat meaaaaaaaaaans youuuu are wooooorthy of ruuuling the couuuuntryyy.”
She places the insignia back in my palm, causing me to raise my eyebrow.
“Not interested.” Is said in a flat tone.
“If youuuu were to get the diiiivineee dragoooon’s blooood then you couuuld revive thoooose frozen eeeelves.”
She hesitates for a split second, before shaking her head again.
“Not interested.”
“Cooome ooooon i neeed a candidate to sponsor baaack at my mansioooon.”
Her face rapidly pales at that. She stumbles back and knocks the door open all the way.
“I'm not going to any of your weird mansions or islands!! I already learned enough from Epstein’s case!”
“Diddy No Diddling!!” She screams as she furiously points a finger at me.
I felt myself being pushed back slightly, not physically but from my very soul.
“Diddy No Diddling!!”
A sense of panic rushed over me, if I didn't stop whateve–
“DIDDY NO DIDDLING!!”
I felt a contract force itself on my Od, binding me to not use force to bring this girl with me unless I want my soul to burn away.
Panic fully fettles over me now with sweat gathering on my forehead.
I have to follow the book, I have to make sure she comes back to the mansion.
My mouth moves on its own, almost as if the universe is guiding me.
“There are hot and single black-haired mean-eyed boys ready to mingle.”
Before I can question the bizarre and menacing statement, her purple eyes snap towards me and widen to comical levels.
“DEAL!”