Chapter Text
I was a good kid… at least I hope I was. I didn’t do anything wrong but I doubt that I did anything right either.
My mother had a daughter before me but she left before I could remember; before she became tangible. There is one moment I have with that sister. It’s more of a feeling than a memory. I remember this most wonderful sun falling gently through leaves and onto the gentle ground. I remember her laugh, it was high and clear, so unlike her strong and ever so slightly gravely speaking voice. I remember her skirt spinning in a bright array of colors. I hold on to it, though I think that's for the worse.
I don’t know if I love my family still. They feared me. I represented everything they hated, all their fears. I was always a queer child. My only true friend was Adrianna. The girl who practically lived in the woods by herself. The girl with the girl who used to be a boy for kin. My family was not pleased but Adrianna was a nice enough girl I suppose, so they let us be friends.
When I stopped having this reverence for Our Mother that’s when everything started to fall apart. My mother had other children, I think that's important to know. The first time I didn’t participate in evening prayer she got so mad. There was yelling and crying and I know is that I have a scar from it. But that's deserved. I stopped doing evening worship with my family, but it took much longer than I would’ve liked.
I would go to Adrianna’s instead. Her version of worship was animalistic compared to what I was used to. She sang to the sky, to the stars, to the moon, to the magic that thrummed in our veins. She danced with bare feet on dew covered grass. Her sister would join us, chasing the fire bugs. We would light fires and use the ashes to write runes. Lumiona above I loved it. Maybe that’s why everything started going wrong; we weren’t made for it.