Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

So tall. He must be at least a head taller than me…is that blue in his hair? No, wait, it’s green…no blue….hmmmm…

“Hey, Kris.”

Oh excellent choice…that tie matches his eyes perfectly…huh, he doesn’t look like the type to wear ties though…

“Kris?”

Oh my god, he’s stroking the tie! Look at those long fingers…up and down, up and down, up and…

“Kriiiiisss!”

Kris started at the sharp poke in his side. “Wha-- huh?” Looking around, he saw Matt standing there, smirking at him.

“Dude. You were staring.”

Kris felt a little dazed and warm. I should’ve worn a t-shirt today.

“And for god’s sake, get your jaw up off the floor. You can’t just gawp at customers like that,” he said, snickering.

Kris snapped his mouth shut and shook his head a little, trying to get his brain working again. “I was not gawping.”  Heat was rising up his chest into his face.

“Uh huh. Do you even know what time it is?”

“Uh…”

“It’s that time of day when I tell Jenny at China Garden how pretty she is and you sulk about your pathetic love life over disgusting little pieces of raw fish.”

Kris picked up a sweater from the pile on the counter and started folding it. “I do not sulk, and leave my sushi alone.” He stole a quick, casual glance toward the tie display. Yessss, he’s still here! “I’m not really hungry right now, maybe a little later.”

Matt snorted. “Fine. Call my line when lover boy leaves the store.”

“…”

“Do you even realize what an awesome friend I am?”

But Kris wasn’t listening, because the gorgeous man was headed right for him. The sweater fell from his hands as his mouth went dry and his breath hitched, softly.

“Go get ‘em, tiger,” Matt chuckled, heading back to the shoe department.

The man kept right on, just a few feet away the counter now, breathtaking eyes trained on Kris’. Just don’t say anything stupid…please don’t say anything stupid. The man stopped and leaned his leather clad hip on the counter, eyes never wavering, hands still playing with the tie Kris had seen him examining. Stroking. He was stroking it. He leaned his upper body a few inches closer, his face a mere foot from Kris’ own. “What do you think of this tie?”

“Beautiful,” Kris breathed. Is that glitter in the corner of his eye?

The man chuckled quietly, low in his throat, and Kris stumbled back and stuttered, “I mean, um, yes, well, um, it’s a very nice tie, uh, an excellent choice.” I am an idiot. “What’s the occasion?”

But the man only grinned, eyes sparkling mischievously. “It is beautiful, isn’t it? And soft.”

Soft. I bet that mouth is soft. Oh my god, is that a freckle on his lower lip?

“But what I really want to know is…is it durable?”

Kris blinked. “Durable?”

“Mm-hmm. You know, could it handle some…strain, without tearing?” He started pulling the silk through a hole he formed with his thumb and index finger, smiling wickedly as he saw Kris’ eyes follow the movement.

Kris tried to think about what kind of strain a tie would have to endure before tearing, but his brain was not cooperating. He stared as the man repeated the action, pulling the tie through his hand again. Get yourself together. “Um, well, it will certainly stand up to daily wear, if that’s what you mean.”

“It’s not.” The man parted his mouth and slowly swiped his tongue across his upper lip, eyes smoldering.

Shit. Kris felt his heart absolutely racing, sure that it must be audible. He knew he was panting a little and tried to steady himself, gripping the counter tightly. Right on cue a familiar, laughing voice began playing in his mind, like a song that had been on pause waiting to start up again, telling him to grow a pair and quick. He screwed up his courage.  With purpose, he let go of his death hold on the counter, picked up the wide end of the tie and began kneading his thumbs into it, slowly rubbing circles.  He threw back an equally heated gaze, pleased to see the man’s eyes widen briefly before becoming dark and heavy with desire. Nerves fading, he took a deep breath and formed his mouth into a smirk.   “So, just what are your plans for this tie?”

“That depends. Maybe you’d like to help me…try it on?” he leered, leaning even further into Kris’ personal space and tilting his head obviously in the direction of the fitting rooms.

Kris’ legs trembled and he slammed his hands down on the counter, the tie still caught in his fingers and his pants starting to feel tight. His flirty confidence was completely gone and he felt helpless and lost in the inexplicable whirlwind that was coursing through him.

And then without a word, the man grabbed the tie from Kris, wrapped it around his neck like a winter scarf and giggled like a child. His eyes were lit up and he smiled, bright and amused.

Kris goggled. But before he had a chance to formulate any kind of response, the man bent right over the counter and pecked him lightly on the cheek, pressed something into his hand and practically skipped away wearing the tie.

What in the name of -- what the hell?Shaking, his body trying to recover from feeling like ten gallons of cold water had just been dumped on him, Kris opened his hand and unfolded a fifty-dollar bill and a small piece of paper with an address on it. He stood, rooted to the spot, and stared at the paper.

“Dude. I’m seriously starving.  Can we go to lunch already?”

Kris pressed two fingers to his cheek where the man had kissed it.

“Kris? Man, are you okay? You look --” Matt waved a hand in front of Kris’ face and then spotted the paper. “What is that? Oh my god, you got his phone number didn’t you!” he practically shouted with glee.

As the shock died away, Kris remembered the man’s sunburst smile and he felt warmer somehow, more steady, but he was sure as hell not ready to tell Matt what had happened. “No.” He tried to stuff the paper in his pocket but he was too slow.

“You got his address! Holy…what the hell did you say to him?”

“Nothing.” He opened the cash drawer, dropped the fifty in, and closed it again. “Give me that,” he grumbled, snatching the paper from Matt.

“So, when are you going over there?” Matt actually looked serious.

“Are you kidding me? I don’t even know the guy, hell, the address is probably fake.”

“Kris.”

“What?” He sighed in a resigned sort of way. “Let’s just go eat, okay? Jenny is probably dying to hear how pretty she is by now.”

“Alright man, but I am so not dropping this.”

Matt was too busy with Jenny to bring it up during their lunch break. Kris’ mouth turned up in a small grin. Matt is a really good guy. If I did make an ass out of myself by going to that address, he wouldn’t laugh. He’d just say that guy was a jerk and try to hook me up with someone else, as usual. Kris rolled his eyes, watching Jenny forgive Matt for being late, batting her eyelashes like a teenager instead of a twenty something college student.

Kris worked the chopsticks expertly and reveled in the taste of his favorite sashimi. He wished that his little exchange with the blindingly hot guy had gone differently, wished he’d been more confident and less hopelessly drowning in the man’s presence. Hey, I did try though. It’s not my fault that he’s some sort of freaky Kris magnet. Hell, I would have done anything he wanted in that fitting room. His chair made a screeching sound on the floor as he sat bolt upright. A girl at a table nearby looked at him with concern. I would have.The truth of this stunned him momentarily, but he smiled reassuringly at the girl and tried to relax his body.

Kris couldn’t remember ever behaving in the way he had that morning. He was a man who poured himself into every relationship. He was incredibly attentive to the men he dated, and he never had a problem finding guys who liked his unassuming, submissive nature. Thankfully, he’d been lucky enough to attract guys who, like him, weren’t into one-night stands and cheap hook ups, and he tended to avoid bars and clubs. So why was I ready to risk my job for a quick fling in a dressing room? No one had ever come on to him that blatantly. Attempting to follow Matt’s advice, he had tried to go toe to toe with the guy, but had been utterly unsuccessful. Head now resting in his hand, he groaned.

What Kris really desired seemed to be elusive and improbable. After a series of heart-rending breakups, Kris had begun to think that true love was something that could happen to everyone else but him. Matt had been telling him repeatedly that he needed to loosen up a bit, be impulsive once in a while, build some confidence, and maybe he would find love where he least expected it. In other words, stop whining and grow a pair. Yeah, look where that got me. I’m an emotional mess after two minutes with that guy.

He couldn’t get the man’s face out of his mind. He started thinking about the freckle and wondered why he hadn’t seen more on his face. He must cover them up. Huh. I bet he has freckles everywhere under those clothes, even on his -- okay this is not helping. He stood up and walked over to the trash can. “Come on, Matt, break is up.”

When Kris got home after his evening music theory class, he put the small note on the fridge and used his favorite magnet to hold it up. It was a green ‘K’ he’d stolen from his mama’s fridge back in Arkansas, before he had left for college. It was comforting to have this little piece of home way out here in L.A. He looked at the paper again, studying the handwriting. What kind of guy hands his address out to random people? I could be an ax murderer or something. A small sigh escaped his lips and he went into the living room, sat down on the piano bench and started playing a simple song he’d learned as a child. The address is fake.  He was just toying with me. How could a guy like that be interested in me? Am I really interested in him? He huffed. This was why he preferred relationships that build slowly with time. Of course, all he had gotten out of them had been heartache.

He smiled fondly, remembering the way the man had switched from sex incarnate to childlike so fluidly. Sure he had been startled at first, but it really was quite intriguing and…endearing. I wish I knew his name.

“Honey, I’m HOME!”

Kris’ fingers slipped on the keys. “Do you always have to announce your arrival with so much enthusiasm?”

Matt ignored the question, stuck his head around the corner and grinned. “Writing a song about hot tie guy?”

“Tell me again how I got stuck with you for a housemate?”

“I brought pizza.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

The movie they put in was semi-interesting, a documentary about how high fructose corn syrup ends up in human hair, and Kris was glad to have a distraction from his thoughts about “hot tie guy.” After the film, however, Matt showed every sign of wanting to talk about it again. “Look, I know what you’re going to say, and I appreciate it, really, but--”

Matt cut him off. “Honestly, what’s the worse that could happen?”

“Um let’s see, I could show up and run into a six foot glittery psychopath with a thing for short southern boys.”

“He was just trying to pick you up, man.”

“Yeah, and who does that at Macy’s, huh? Who? I mean, why didn’t he just give me his phone number for crying out loud?”

“He’s…just got his own style. He’s unique.”

“He’s crazy.”

“Listen, maybe it’s not even his address, maybe he wants you to meet him somewhere, you know, somewhere that is not a department store?”

Huh. “Okay maybe, but there’s no time or date on the paper! How exactly am I supposed to know when to meet him?”

“No idea. Maybe he’ll come back. Well I’m beat. I almost fell asleep in speech class again. Night, man.”

“Night, Matt."

Chapter 2

For the second time that week, Adam found himself looking at belts that he had absolutely no interest in. Completely boring. Who buys things here anyway? Oh yeah, well the tie was an exception, an unplanned stroke of genius thank you very much. He reached his hand back, making sure the tie was still tucked in his pocket, wide end hanging all the way down to his calf. Adam could see ‘hot tie guy’ through the holes in the island-wall-thing displaying the belts, which happened to be taller than him, the very reason he had chosen it as his stake out position. Not that he was hiding; he was just going over his next stage of attack, like a single-minded tiger on a hunt, only friendlier. Although I do bite, and growl...and I’ve been known to pin down my prey before going in for the kill. He laughed quietly.

Upon walking into Macy’s two days ago, he had vowed never to set foot in this place again. Overpriced, dull, pretentious. He’d had no choice the first time since he had promised to drop something off for his uncle who worked upstairs in the lingerie department. Ewww. But on his way down the escalator, oh yes, he’d spotted something much more interesting: perfect, bite-sized, adorable, and sexy as hell. Delicious. After watching the guy interact with customers for a few minutes from his spot behind the belt wall, he had faith that his gaydar was telling it right.

He’d made up his mind promptly, scribbling the address of the club on a page of the tiny notebook he carried. Okay, so he had never expected to find such a treat at Macy’s of all places, but hey, when opportunity presents itself…

Only it hadn’t turned out the way he’d intended. As soon as he had been within ten feet of the guy, he had stopped abruptly and started perusing the ties. He looks so sweet, so innocent. The guy had no idea that Adam was a man-eater, so to speak, and he was just working here, certainly not expecting to be hit on and lured to a club to become Adam’s next meal. He’d surreptitiously watched the man stare at him and he put on a good show with the tie, but felt a long forgotten something stir in his chest. He had pushed it down without thinking. Someone else grabbed the guy’s attention and Adam made a snap decision. He grabbed a fifty from his wallet and ripped out another page from his notebook, hastily writing a different address on it. He had seized the tie before starting toward the counter.

Adam remembered the exchange and his excitement at the man’s sudden boldness. He’d decided then and there that he didn’t care that he was in a fucking department store; he was going to abandon his plan and get him some -- he loved his men a bit feisty. But he was no match for me, really. Adam took pride in the way the guy had looked like he was helplessly coming in his pants after that, knowing that their little romp in the dressing room was going to be totally worth spending time in this crappy place. And then…then shit Adam had…fuck. He’d felt himself actually caring that the guy might get fired for fucking around at work. Shit. But he couldn’t just walk away from such a tasty morsel, and he couldn’t have the man thinking he’d lost his nerve. All in all, he thought he should be congratulated for throwing the morsel off balance while ensnaring him at the same time, hooking his interest, and sticking with the modified plan. You let your guard down though, didn’t you, just for a moment? Whatever. Oh yes, he definitely had ideas for the tie now. Okay, enough reminiscing, time for Act Two.

He strode confidently towards the counter, swinging his hips slightly so that the tie was visible with each step he took. Oh god, he’s so pretty, so damn pretty. Adam licked his lips unconsciously, wanting, wanting. Hot tie guy was wearing a dressy white short-sleeved shirt today that made those dark brown eyes stand out even more. The shirt hugged his chest and arms, revealing muscle definition Adam had not seen the other day. Mmmmmmm.

Adam was thankful that it was a very slow day in the store with no customers in sight. The guy was scanning shirts into the computer. Pausing briefly, he ran a hand through his hair and looked up. He flushed, saw the tie and gaped. After a few wide-eyed seconds, he seemed to wrestle with himself and tried to continue working.

But Adam wasn’t fooled; he saw the guy’s hands shaking. He stopped about two feet from the counter. The man lifted his eyes to Adam’s, trying for all he was worth to match stare for stare. Adam reached back for the tie. He left the skinny end bunched in his back pocket and pulled the length around his side to the front, holding the center at his waist so that the rest of the tie dangled right in front of his crotch. He started to pet the tie with his free hand, and raised an eyebrow. Gotcha, little rabbit.

The little rabbit made a choking sound and pulled at the collar of his shirt. “S…So,” he rasped, “I see the tie is…working out for you.” He moved closer to the counter, and Adam suspected he was trying to hide the growing bulge in his pants.

“I’d like it to work out for you, too,” Adam purred, still rubbing himself through the tie. The other man started breathing heavily in short little bursts and licked his lips. Jesus, those lips! Adam wanted them, now, and it was hard to be patient. He wasn’t used to waiting, but there was something about this guy. He looped the tie around his other side and shoved the slack and the wide end in his back pocket, wearing it like a belt. “Why don’t you tell me your name, gorgeous?” he asked in a husky yet playful voice, placing his elbows on the counter and resting his chin in his hands. He was smiling broadly, a real smile that reached his eyes.

“Kris. It’s Kris.” He took a deep, shuddering breath and reached out a steady hand towards Adam, index finger held up.

Adam felt the finger land gently on his lower lip and he stopped smiling. Fuck. He let his tongue slip out, just enough to wet the tip of the finger. Kris moaned, so quietly that Adam barely heard it, but it sort of knocked the wind out of him. He needed to end this now before he lost control completely and got them both arrested. Plus, he noticed with a jolt, someone was coming toward them. It was the same guy Adam had seen Kris talking to two days ago. Trying to stay unaffected, he reached into his front pocket, pulled out yet another note and set it on the counter.

Kris’ finger pushed down Adam’s lip slightly as he removed it and then he slowly brought it to his own lips, the briefest touch before dropping it down to the folded paper. “Who are you? Who can I say is driving me out of my mind, making me think things, want to do things --”

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Point to little rabbit. I need to move. He backed up and did a graceful turn, flashing a dazzling smile at Kris as he did so. When he was at least five feet away, he spoke to Kris over his shoulder, “Adam, my name is Adam,” and kept walking.

After he was certain that he was out of Kris’ line of view, Adam quickened his steps until he was out the door. Christ. He sat down hard on a cold cement bench near the entrance and tried to compose himself. What the hell is wrong with me? He’s just another piece of ass, Lambert…get a grip! His breathing gradually settled as he let the cool of the bench seep into him, soothing his frayed nerves. He wanted the little rabbit, Kris, he wanted Kris so badly that it was sort of scary, and he did not enjoy feeling out of control like that. I can do this, I just have to keep my eye on the prize, stay focused. He’s just like any other guy, nothing special about him. Adam smacked his thighs and stood up, renewed determination set in his features.

Adam went home to his apartment above the club and decided to spend several hours working in his recording studio on the new track. He didn’t have to be down at the club until seven o’clock that evening, and Alisan had been saying for weeks that he needed to lay it down already because it was just that good. After a few minutes he was changed into a faded t-shirt and a pair of loose jeans that were slightly too long when he wasn’t wearing boots. The cuffs of his jeans dragged on the wood floor as he padded barefoot into the small but modern kitchen, then rummaged until he found a package of dried cherries and a bottle of water.

He set himself up in the studio and felt like he was in his own skin again as the notes and words flowed effortlessly, smoothing out any remaining wrinkles of fear from that afternoon. He was calm, collected, doing what he was born to do, in control of his life and where it was heading. About thirty minutes into his recording session, however, Kris’ face appeared unbidden in Adam’s mind. He shoved the vision forcefully away -- keep your eye on the prize -- and it did not return. Adam was pleased with himself.

At five o’clock, Adam began his routine: quick workout, shower, select clothing and get dressed, do makeup and hair. That left him with about five minutes to stock his pockets with supplies and to sit and do some deep breathing while mentally preparing himself for the night to come. On his way out, he stopped where he had hung the tie up on a hook near the door and ran a finger down it, allowing himself to shiver with anticipation. Tomorrow night is going to be so fucking hot.

***

“Encore! Encore!!!” the crowd screamed wildly. Adam bowed again, openly searching the audience for the likely targets he had noticed during his set. As usual, he ignored the pieces of paper that had been thrown on the stage carrying phone numbers and bids for his attention. Adam had worked at this club four nights a week for over a year, and he had picked up one of those papers only once out of curiosity -- desperation was a serious turn off. Where is he, that one with the mussed up brown hair… aha! Adam spotted him near a doorway at the back of the room, staring up at the stage with a mix of hunger and uncertainty. Think I’ll save him for last, though.

It was four in the morning when he finally went upstairs to his apartment, two hours later than usual. He had been feeling particularly hungry after seeing Kris that day, and that last guy… mmmmm, just the right combination of sweet and spicy. His clothes were sticking to him everywhere and save for a little smudged eyeliner, his makeup was almost totally gone, having been either licked or sweated off. Adam checked his pockets. None left. He smirked and took the empty bottle of lube out, tossed it in the trash and started peeling his clothes off.

Although he was completely sated, the hot shower felt like a much-needed massage that drained away all soreness and tension from some of the more awkward positions he’d been in that night. As the water beat down on his head and back, he thought about the next day. No work and plenty of time to prepare for his evening with Kris, for he was sure that the little rabbit was thoroughly snared. Normally he used his time off to rest, take care of the necessities of life, and work on his music. But tomorrow… he found that he was getting hard just thinking about it, which was quite a feat given how many times he had come that night. Adam thought his plan was perfect. He was an observant hunter, and he knew that Kris would need a carefully orchestrated combination of reassurance and seduction to make him willingly follow Adam to the club. And then the tie. He started stroking himself in the shower.

Chapter 3

Tomorrow

8pm

Again and again Kris looked at the second note, hanging under the green ‘K’ and right on top of the first. It was five o’clock and he’d been standing there for a solid 20 minutes. He groaned, loudly, feeling overwhelmingly torn. If he was completely honest with himself, Adam kind of scared the crap out of him. Adam radiated serious power and control, and uninhibited lust that just poured off of him in giant tsunami waves that crashed mercilessly over Kris, making him want to choke and swallow huge gulps of it all at the same time. It was maddening, tortuous.

The only reason he was seriously considering going tonight was because he had finally decided to look the address up online. I cannot believe that a man like that wants to meet me at a freaking Starbucks of all places.  But at least it would be public, safe -- yeah, like being drowned is safe. Kris didn’t trust himself to think clearly around Adam, to pay attention to trivial things like his own personal safety. But despite his usual level-headedness, he was drawn inexplicitly to this man and he could not for life of him understand why.

He had tried to hold his own, tried to face that fierce and unforgiving sun, tried to have some fucking balls! The result? Sunburn and a raging hard on. And yet during both interactions he’d seen something peek out through the seamless self-assurance, a sort of open friendliness and innocent playfulness. Careful there…that might just be a ploy. Shit! Shit! Shit! He heard the front door slam.

“Honey, I’m --”

“Matt!” Kris had never needed his friend more. He hurried out to the living room so fast that Matt’s face quickly changed from his usual, laughing smile to a look of concern.

“Dude. Are you okay, for real?”

“No! Help me Matt, please! I…I found out where the address is…and I, oh shit I don’t know what to do and I am this close to freaking out!”

“Okay, man, alright…just calm down. Come over here and sit down, okay?”

Kris was standing rigidly with his eyes screwed shut, hands gripping his hair and his jaw clenched. Matt walked over, gently led Kris to the couch and made him sit. He put his hand on Kris’ upper back and rubbed slow circles until he felt Kris relax a little. “Wow, this guy is really getting to you, isn’t he? But I mean, you’ve only seen him twice for like, a total of two minutes.”

“I know, Matt, I knooooowwww. Ugh.”

“Alright, let’s just talk this through, okay?” Kris nodded, looking for all the world like a lost puppy. “So, he showed up at work twice, teased you and left you messages asking to you to meet him at…”

Kris barked out a mirthless laugh. “Teased? That is the world’s biggest understatement.” More like being hit over the head with sex, if that’s even possible. “And he didn’t ask me, it was…it was like he was telling me, like he knew I would come to --”

“Where? Where is it Kris?”

“Starbucks, Matt. He wants me to meet him at a Starbucks.”

“You are shitting me!”

“Nope.”

“Well what the hell is the problem then? What could go wrong?”

“Ha! A million things! Matt…” Kris didn’t usually confide in Matt on a really personal level, but… “He scares me a little.” He dropped his head, the heat of shame climbing up his neck. Here it comes, he’s gonna tell me to grow a --

“Hey.” Matt put is arm around Kris again. “Hey now, don’t do that. I mean I can kind of see what you mean about him. I didn’t see him up close or anything, but even from across the room I could tell that he was, well, looking at you like a piece of meat.”

“I want to look at him like that.” Shit. I can’t believe I just said that! Matt was staring at him. “I mean, I mean…he’s so beautiful, so incredibly hot that it fucking hurts and I…I want to…do things…ugh!  And also I think he might be like a little kid inside and also really nice maybe and maybe someone I could like but I’m panicking here because maybe he just wants to eat me alive and leave me broken and I’ll be lonely again.” He sucked in a huge gulp of air.

“Whoa dude, tell me how you really feel!” Matt laughed, but kindly. “Alright. Look, you are really attracted to this guy right?”

“Yes!”

“So here’s the plan. Go. Go to the Starbucks…which one is it?”

“Just over on Santa Monica and La Brea.”

“Okay, we know where that is, hell, you could walk there. Here, give me your phone.” Kris got up and grabbed it out of his backpack. “Okay, now I’m putting my number on speed dial, number one, got it? You call me if things get, you know…if you get scared or something. I’ll be there in a flash. I can pretend to be an old friend. You can decide you really want to catch up with me and we can leave together.”

Kris didn’t want to admit how much this idea comforted him. I’m not a baby. “Ok, yeah, it’s good Matt, really good. Thank you, I mean it.”

Matt shoved at his shoulder. “Dude, you gotta get ready! It’s like, six pm!”

“Matt!” Kris laughed. He was feeling much better now. I can do this. I want this. “I don’t need two hours to get ready…sheesh.”

After eating a mac and cheese dinner with Matt and talking about the latest John Mayer album, Kris went up to shower and change. Half an hour later, he had to concede that maybe he should have left himself a bit more time. He wanted to look…perfect for Adam. The pile of rejected clothes mounted higher and higher -- why are all my clothes so plain? -- until he was finally satisfied with a pair of jeans that hugged his ass, a grey t-shirt that stretched across his chest and a black fitted jacket. To the ensemble he added a simple necklace with a music note pendant. He decided against cologne and left his hair a bit messy.

Should I bring a condom? He pushed the pile of clothes aside and sat on the edge of his bed. They were going to be at a Starbucks, true, but Kris new there was a very good chance that they might end up somewhere more private. Yes, I’m scared and yes, I’m turned on. Do I want him? Fuck yes. Even if it’s a one time thing? Kris would be out of his element; he wasn’t used to doing this sort of thing. But then he remembered Adam’s eyes and those long fingers.  He put one in is wallet. How cliché. Whatever.

He started walking at quarter to eight, hands deep in his pockets and head down. He knew exactly where the Starbucks was, had gone there countless times to help get him through all-nighters during finals week last semester. Hell, he even knew who would be working right now. The thought comforted him even more. He would be on familiar ground, close to home. When he arrived, five minutes early, he stopped outside and looked in the window. Shit, he’s already there. And then he froze.  Adam had seen him. Adam’s face broke into a smile that lit up his whole face. Oh my god, he is going to be the death of me…and… The damned tie. Adam was wearing it around his right arm, wrapped around and around from wrist to shoulder. Why is that so hot?

The door chimed when he pushed it opened and he glanced around. Yep, Katy was working tonight.  She gave him a smile and a little wave, which he returned. There were no other patrons. Okay. He rolled his shoulders once, turned to the left and walked toward the table Adam had chosen right by the window. Adam stood up. At the sight of this vision, Kris knew he was in for a rough night.

Adam looked, well, good enough to eat. Impossibly tight pants that left nothing at all to the imagination -- how the hell did he get into those with such a big… -- a silvery shirt that caught the light, and a black leather jacket. Rings and necklaces accessorized his neck and hands. And that tie, worked right up his leather sleeve. There was blue and green…oh… in his inky black hair, which was partially swept down across his forehead in the front and artfully disheveled in the back, somehow looking both natural and flawless at the same time. But it was Adam’s face that was reeling Kris in with its perfect proportions and ice blue eyes to get lost in, eyes rimmed with black eyeliner. Right now that face was open and smiling, beckoning Kris forward, but the air around Adam was absolutely pulsing with want.  Kris could feel it, could almost taste it, smell it. The combination of raw lust and friendly smile was intoxicating, assaulting his senses, making him dizzy. But he also felt…sexy, wanted and somehow braver.

Adam motioned for him to sit in the booth. Kris swallowed hard and sat down, mentally shaking himself.

“Thirsty?” Adam asked. Kris studied his face; he looked genuine.

“Yeah, I’ll just, um, get some water.” He started to rise, but Adam held his hand up.

“Allow me.” He stood and walked over to Katy.

Kris watched Adam charm Katy and laugh with her. Feeling a bit disarmed by Adam’s behavior, he relaxed back into the booth and thought that he had been right about him after all. There is a really nice guy in there. He didn’t let his guard down though given that Adam was a still a complete unknown. Not that you’ll have much choice if he turns on the flirt, might as well face it. Stop that, don’t give up before even trying, you moron.

Adam returned with a bottle of water for Kris and java chip frappacinno with whipped cream for himself. He sat down.

He’s so graceful, so controlled in his movements.

“Kris,” he began, “I’m really, really happy that you came here tonight.” He started swirling his finger around in the whipped cream. “I know that I came on pretty strong at the store…” Adam put a finger in his mouth and sucked the tip lightly, “…and I don’t regret it.” He touched his moistened finger to Kris’ bottom lip briefly and smiled, playfully reflecting Kris’ action in the store yesterday.

Kris heard a humming noise in his ears. “I…I don’t regret it either and I’m glad to be here, too.”

Adam leaned across the table. “You have no idea how sexy you are, do you?” Kris saw his pupils dilate slightly and thought, here it comes. But Adam just grinned. “How on earth did you end up in LA, sweet thing? Where did you come from?”

Kris supposed his accent gave him away. “Arkansas. I came here to study music.” He was melting into those blue, expanding eyes again when he saw them sharpen with interest. But it was gone as quickly as it came, and Adam belted out a hearty chuckle.

“Arkansas? I knew you must be from somewhere down there,” he said, still laughing.

This isn’t so bad. “What about you, Adam?”

“Oh I’m from here.” He waved a hand in the air, brushing off the question. “Now tell me something about Arkansas.”

“Well it’s certainly not as exciting as LA, I can tell you that.” Kris let himself relax a little bit more. He could still feel the heavy desire surrounding Adam, but it seemed to be in check, for the moment. He wanted to see that spark of interest return, so he reached for his courage. “Not a lot of opportunities for a singer and musician there.” There it is again! Kris was excited.  There was a person to go with all the beauty. But the flicker died. This time it was replaced by a look Kris had become familiar with.

“Let me tell you something, Kris.”  Kris felt pinned to the back of his seat by that gaze. Oh shit, I am done for. “That first day I saw you, I knew right away that I wanted you, that I had to have you.” The tie was coming off his arm. Adam unwound it slowly, eyes locked on Kris, looking like he was going to crawl right on top of the table. He held one end in each hand and tossed out the middle of the tie. It fell right on the back of Kris’ neck. Adam tugged.

Oh my god, oh my… He felt his head and upper body move involuntarily towards Adam’s waiting mouth, which was now wearing the dirtiest, sexiest leer he had ever seen. Someone help me…wait…no, god no!… someone make him pull me in faster! It seemed to take a lifetime, but finally, finally their lips met and that hot, sweet mouth promptly devoured Kris’.  He was achingly, painfully hard in an instant. Kris let go completely; let Adam ravage his tongue, his lips, the inside of his mouth. The heat was searing.

And then he wanted like he had never wanted before. Something new was desperately fighting to get free. He kissed back as fiercely as he knew how, pushing his tongue inside Adam’s mouth, tying to taste it all, feel it all. He growled, raw instinct taking over, and bit down on Adam’s tongue. He heard Adam’s breath hitch, and then… holy fucking shit…there was pressure on his crotch. Firm, repeated pressure. Adam’s foot was stroking his cock with precision over and over and over and Kris was going to come in his pants, right there in Starbucks. His head fell back away from Adam, his mouth open, and he whimpered.

At that sound, Adam abruptly pulled back, let go of the tie and dropped his foot, looking triumphant. Kris was gasping for air and shaking visibly.

“Come with me.”

He grabbed Kris’ hand and pulled him up. Kris let himself be pulled. I’m drowning, drowning. He saw Katy’s shocked face as they left the shop. He thought fleetingly of calling Matt, but he wasn’t really scared anymore. He was drunk; happily, giddily drunk on lust and Adam.

Adam led him to the passenger side of a car. Kris didn’t see what kind it was, nor did he care. But he registered the cool on his back as his upper body was pushed into the door. He tried to get his feet under him but couldn’t manage it, because Adam was straddling his legs. One hand gripped Kris’ hair and tilted his head back while the other rubbed his throbbing cock ruthlessly through the denim. Adam breathed into Kris’ mouth. “Just keeping you warm for me.” Kris was on the edge once more when Adam fucking stopped…again. I am not going to survive this.

Adam opened the door and Kris pretty much fell into the seat. He had no idea where they were going but guessed it would be Adam’s place. Adam got in and started the car. As soon as it was in motion, he reached over with his right hand and squeezed Kris’ left thigh, more than once. Kris looked at him through bleary, dazed eyes. Adam was a predator, a devastating, I’m-going-to-fuck-you through the floor beast. Kris wanted it badly. He couldn’t remember ever desiring anyone as much as he craved Adam right now. To hell with tomorrow.

The ride was over quickly. Kris managed to get himself out of the car on his own. The first thing he noticed was loud, pounding music. A club. That was all the time he had for thinking though as Adam was on him again in a heartbeat, licking at his neck, biting his collarbone, repeatedly driving his own hard length against Kris’. Moaning and almost crying for release, Kris thrust back. But he was immediately denied for the third time. Adam guided him away from the car toward the door of the club. The sound broke over Kris.  There were heavy beats, people, lights, movement everywhere, but all his senses were trained on Adam, who was walking decisively across the room with a more than willing Kris right behind him.

They were in a dark hallway in the back. He heard keys jangling. Adam unlocked the door to a room off to the left, manhandled Kris inside, slammed the door shut and turned the bolt with a heavy click. Kris felt all his breath leave him as Adam crushed him up against the wall. A large hand caught both of his and pinned them to wall above his head. Adam’s face was an inch from his, eyes scorching. “Now. Where were we?”

Kris shuddered violently. want want want want

Suddenly, with one deft hand Adam whirled Kris around to face the wall, popped open the button on his jeans, yanked down his zipper, and seized his cock through the cotton briefs. Adam’s skilled hand steadily drove Kris out of his mind. Head lolling forward, he drooled as Adam rocked hard into his ass from behind. He was aware of only one thought before he fell apart.

Mine.

Mine.

He thrust hard against Kris’ ass, pumped his hand once more and watched Kris come undone in his hands. Mine for tonight anyway…he’s perfect. Tight ass he couldn’t wait to feel, full bottom lip that would look magnificent around his cock, and a voice like music. Music? Shit. Yes, he admitted, there had been some close calls in the coffee shop, and his little rabbit had shown some spunk as expected, but Adam had easily regained control. He was still in charge now and Kris had given himself up. Everything was going exactly as planned. Mine for the taking.

He let go of Kris’ hands and turned him back around. Beautiful. So damn pretty like this, eyes blown, mouth slack with his own spit on his chin. Adam reached out, threaded his fingers in that soft, brown hair and licked Kris’ chin several times, lapping at his face, then pulled him in closer and kissed him possessively. He clenched his fingers in Kris’ hair and Kris moaned deeply into his mouth.

Then without warning, he pushed on Adam’s shoulders until they broke apart. Reflected in his eyes, Adam saw the heavy want. He was no stranger to that look and had seen it on the faces of countless men who thought they could have him. It gave Adam a heady rush. His engorged cock was leaking freely now and he felt the familiar urge to overpower the man before him, to make him beg for mercy.

Kris was panting, and there was something…something else in his eyes that Adam didn’t recognize or understand. He felt strangely attracted to it. Adam shoved his hand down the front of his pants and drew out the tie, now damp with his pre-come and sweat.

Kris’ eyes went dark; he dropped to the ground and reached for Adam’s buckle. Ha. Let him try. Adam trailed the tie around Kris’ shoulders and up under his nose, knowing that the scent would drive him crazy. Kris’ fingers were trembling but he managed to get the belt off. However, he was plainly struggling with Adam’s pants, which seemed to be painted on with literally no way to get them off. He smirked down at Kris. This is my show, little rabbit. Adam had never allowed another man to undress him. Besides, he wanted to see Kris. It was always that way. He dropped the tie and crooked a finger; Kris rose up at his command.

“I want to see you,” he whispered into Kris’ ear. “I bet you have the most beautiful cock,” he said, and palmed it once through the sopping wet cotton. Kris’ eyes rolled back and then he squeezed them shut. Chuckling, Adam stepped forward and began stripping him down until he was completely bare save for a pendant hanging around his neck, which Adam now realized was a music note. He shook himself internally and removed the necklace. Too distracting. Then he took in every inch Kris’ stunning, compact body, chiseled yet smooth in all the right places, gorgeous cock now pulsing to life again. He let the smallest groan escape his lips. God I want him so bad. Then he laid his hands on Kris, touching him everywhere from shoulder to knee but purposefully avoiding his re-hardening member. Adam latched his mouth on one nipple and bit it sharply.

“Fuck!” Kris cried out, and tried to embrace Adam. Adam took a step back, pressed one hand on top of Kris’ head and pushed him down until he was kneeling again. He didn’t resist. Mine. Adam’s other hand swiftly found the hidden hook and clasp of his pants and he pushed them down just enough to fully reveal his streaming cock …drip…drip…dr-- Kris caught the precum in his hand, looked up at Adam through his lashes, and licked his palm.

Shit. He’s feistier than I thought. Adam’s heart began to race. He watched breathlessly as Kris picked up the tie from the floor, put it around his own neck, and offered up the two ends. Fucking fuck! Although he had been with plenty of men who had tried to get the upper hand, Adam never been affected by someone like this. Well, he’s about to do what I wanted anyway…this is still my game. He took up the two ends and began to draw them to his body. His dick twitched in anticipation and he saw Kris smirk. At that, Adam almost put a stop to this, but he couldn’t help himself, he wanted that sweet mouth too much.

The tie was obviously a pretense. Adam could barely hold on to it because Kris was a fucking world-class cocksucker holy mother of god! He had taken Adam all the way in and down his throat the instant his lips formed around Adam’s length. He hallowed his cheeks and sucked, hard, while working his tongue in a firm, steady circle on the underside again and again… Christ!… alright keep it together…stay in control, hold on to that fucking tie, don’t you dare let go! But his legs were starting to tremble. Fine! Try this on for size! Still desperately gripping the ends of the tie, knuckles now white, he buried his hands in Kris’ hair and drove himself mercilessly into the man’s fiery mouth.

Kris was taking every thrust hungrily, gulping Adam down, slobbering around him, spit and cum sliding down his chin and neck. Adam had incredible stamina, but when he felt Kris’ hands on his ass, franticly pulling him in like a starving man, he nearly lost it. “Enough!” He stumbled backwards, shaking. This is getting out of hand, Lambert! He was angry with himself. This was not the plan. He should not be standing here, shuddering, fucking shaking like a leaf… I am in control. I own this!

He gazed around the room, his room, the room he paid for every month. Ahhhh, yes! That will do nicely. He looked into Kris’ eyes; they were almost black with naked lust and that incomprehensible something.  Kris stood up, wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and started walking towards him. “I want you, Adam, want you more than anything.” His voice was ruined, hoarse and low. It sent shivers down Adam’s spine.

“You want me do you? Are you sure you know what you’re getting in to, little rabbit?” He leered, saw confusion, understanding and then heat flash across Kris’ features in quick succession. Kris walked up to him and sank his teeth hard into the flesh of Adam’s neck right above the collarbone. That did it. No one marked Adam, no one. Adam pushed his body against Kris’ and kept walking, backing him up until he hit the edge of a low but deep desk in the corner of the room that stood right against a boarded up window. After giving Kris a devastating kiss, he hopped up on the desk, quickly knotted the tie around the broken window frame and stared down at Kris.

“Get up here,” he commanded, voice drenched in need.

Kris did. But there was no fear in his eyes, only desire and…what is that?

He tied Kris’ hands together close to the window frame. In about thirty seconds, Adam had arranged Kris how he wanted him and jumped back to the floor. He couldn’t suppress an audible moan at the sight before him and his hand slid down to encircle his cock. Kris’ hands were tied right by the window and Adam had pulled his knees all the way to the edge of the desk. His upper body was suspended, arms and back stretched taught, making a graceful line down to his ass, which was positioned right in front of Adam's crotch. He slid Kris’ knees even farther apart to lower his ass to the right level.

Kris looked over his shoulder and dared Adam with his eyes. Fuck the lube, I want to hear him beg. He leaned down, spread Kris’ cheeks wide and began to lick across his hole with languid strokes of his tongue. Kris’ entire body went rigid and then…

“Oh my god, oh my fucking…Adam!”

Finally! Excited, Adam increased his speed and thrust his tongue in deeply, pulled it out and then plundered Kris’ hole again and again until he could see a pool of pre-cum on the desk, feel Kris’ thighs quake and hear incoherent, filthy sounds stream from his lips. And then, “Adam…I need you…” he whimpered.

Adam halted his tongue and pushed his middle finger inside Kris. So tight. Kris tried to push himself back onto Adam’s finger but there was no give in the tie. That’s right, my delicious boy. Adam growled and fucked his finger into Kris rapidly, only occasionally letting it brush that sensitive node up inside. “Please…please…Adam…” Kris sobbed. There it is. Practiced hands whipped out a condom from his back pocket and he was ready in seconds. He lined up, gripped Kris’ hips, and did not hesitate to drive himself deep up to his balls on the first thrust. Kris’ head snapped back and he cried out loudly, then began a series of curses and moans as Adam pounded into him so hard and fast that the desk was banging the wall.

All at once, Adam stopped moving and smiled wickedly. Kris’ breathing was ragged, sweat was pouring off him and every muscle was quivering. His knees slipped apart a few more inches. A long, low whine sounded into the silence. “Please, don’t stop, I’m begging you…please…”

Yessssssssss! Adam resumed with a frantic pace, thrusting with every ounce of his strength until he finally felt his balls clenching. Pulling out quickly, he snapped off the condom just in time. With a huge shudder, he reached his peak and sprayed his seed all over Kris’ glistening back. He heard Kris gasp when the cum landed on him.

“Adam!” he screamed, and came so hard that he wrenched his body away from the window and fell back into Adam’s arms as the tie gave way and broke from the strain.

The silence stretched. Both men were tying to catch their breath and did not move for a full two minutes, Adam still holding Kris in his arms. After a while, Kris finally looked up into Adam’s face.

What he saw in Kris’ eyes made him stop breathing, for he finally recognized that mysterious something…it was trust. This was so unexpected, so disarming, so confusing, that he truly felt at a loss for the first time in ten years. As far as he knew, Kris had no reason on earth to trust him. His eyes grew as wide as the sky. Wha-- what…what… His brain could not comprehend what was happening.

Kris slowly sat up and shifted so that he was sitting on the edge of the desk and hugged Adam gently to his body. Adam stared down at him, feeling rocked to his core. Without thinking, without understanding what the hell he was doing, he lowered his head and kissed Kris with a tenderness he did not know he possessed. Kris kissed him back with equal warmth. Tongues curled around each other, hands caressed through hair and just like that, Adam wished he were in a bed with Kris instead of standing in this cold and unfeeling room.

*****

Bright sunlight was glaring across Adam’s face. Shit, I forgot to close the blinds last night. Huh, that’s weird, I never forget to do that.  He was warm and comfortable and Kris’ skin felt so nice against his. Wait a minute…WHAT?! Adam’s eyes snapped open and met a shock of brown hair. They were completely uncovered and naked in the bed. Adam was curled around a smaller man’s body, left leg and arm draped over him, and his morning wood firmly pressed into the man’s back.

FUCK! fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! All hardness vanished from his dick at once and he laid there, rigid and panicking, heart pounding madly like it was going to burst right out of his chest. A man is in my bed. Kris is in my bed. I am cuddling with a man in my bed. This cannot be happening, how did this happen…shit! And then he remembered: Kissing in the club room, Adam dressing Kris, leading him up to his apartment, hands scrabbling passionately all over each other, then clothes falling away. They had dropped into Adam’s bed and made out until they couldn’t stand it anymore, jerked each other off, then promptly fell asleep.

How could I have let this happen! I let him into my apartment, my bed, my sanctuary! Oh shit oh shit oh shit! Adam’s two worlds were colliding with such force that his head felt like it was imploding. Never before had anyone save his closest friends and family been allowed in his apartment, and he had certainly never permitted a man to share his bed or to spend the night. He was afraid to move, afraid to wake Kris. But I have to get him out of here…oh my god how am I going to do that?

Cautiously, slowly, he lifted his limbs from Kris’ slumbering form and rolled away until he was at the edge of the bed. Silence.  Thank god Kris was a sound sleeper. He got up quietly, tiptoed into the bathroom and silently closed the door. His legs gave way and he collapsed on the floor, drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself, trembling and scared all over. He had allowed Kris get past all of the barriers he had so carefully, painstakingly constructed over the last ten years.

How could I have let this happen? Please let this be a dream. Please let me wake up alone and find everything as it should be…oh god what am I going to do? Shivering, he sat up. For fuck’s sake, pull yourself together! He spotted his robe hanging on the back of the door and hastily got up to put it on. As he did so, he happened to glance in the mirror and saw a bruise just above his collarbone. Fuck! Okay, okay, calm down…just think Adam, think! He sat down on the edge of the bathtub and took a few deep, steadying breaths to clear his head. There was no other way around it, he was just going to have to go out there and tell Kris to go home. Maybe he’s already gone, maybe he woke up and left. Adam dearly hoped that this would be the case but thought that it was highly unlikely. He prepared himself, pulling his bathrobe tightly and securely around him. He took one last breath and arranged his face into a mask of calm before opening the door and walking back into his bedroom.

On his way he saw a path of clothing littering the floor, Kris’ and his.  Who undressed me? He racked his brain; this was important. After a moment, he sighed with relief as the memory came back to him. I did. The apartment was still completely silent. Either Kris was gone or…shit, he’s still here, still sleeping, still in my bed…oh god, just look at him!

Kris was stretched out now, one arm flung over his head, the other clutching something that Adam couldn’t make out. The sheets were scrunched at the bottom of the bed and Kris’ glorious body lay there in full sunlight, a red mark on one nipple and finger-shaped bruises on his hips. Adam’s heart caught in his throat.  No, no, no…that is a dangerous line to walk. Just get him up and out of here, quick. “Kris,” he called in a flat voice, “Kris, wake up.”

Kris stirred a bit, and then his eyes fluttered open. He gazed blearily at Adam and then broke into a long, luxurious cat stretch, his eyes wincing just a bit. Adam felt his cock move slightly under the robe. Then he saw what was clutched in Kris’ hand; it was the part of the tie that had been wrapped around his wrists. In the heat of their passion last night, Adam hadn’t noticed that Kris had brought it upstairs. His dick positively leapt at the sight of that fabric and he was helpless to stop it.

Kris looked right at Adam and a wide, heavenly smile lit up his face as he murmured, “Good morning, beautiful.”

Kris was elated to find himself in Adam’s bed when he opened his eyes. He stretched.  Whoa, I didn’t know I even had muscles there.  He had surprised himself by behaving like a wanton whore last night. You know you enjoyed every second of it. He beamed at Adam. “Good morning, beautiful.” Adam looked calm standing there in the doorway to the bedroom, but Kris knew that something was off immediately, and he was suddenly desperate to see a smile on that striking face. He sat up and held out the piece severed tie, the thin half. “Guess it wasn’t durable enough…um, do you want a refund?” he chuckled. Adam let out a short laugh then instantly clamped his mouth shut, looking angry with himself. What is going on here? Why is he gripping his robe so tight? Why is he even wearing a robe?

“Kris, I need you to leave.” Adam’s voice was toneless, completely devoid of feeling, and it gave Kris the chills. You knew this would be a possibility, that he wouldn’t want you after the sex, no matter much you hoped it wouldn’t happen like that. But as he continued to look at Adam, he saw a veritable storm of emotions in those blue eyes, pain, longing, fear, and confusion.  Kris wanted to kiss it all away. He stood up, unashamed of his nakedness, and walked across the room. He saw the bruise on Adam’s neck. I made that.

“I was hoping to stay for a little while,” he said softly, reaching out to brush his hand across that beautifully freckled cheek.  Kris could see them now that the makeup was almost worn off. But his fingers only met air as Adam backed away quickly, his calm façade starting to crack.

“No. No…you can’t, this is my…I mean no one has…I…Kris, just…just go.”

Kris’ jaw fell open in surprise. He was stunned by the lack of self-assuredness he heard; it was completely unexpected and only made him want to comfort Adam more.

“Adam, what’s wrong? Did I do something? I thought…I thought last night was…” After their mind-numbingly hot battle for sexual dominance, Kris was positive he had felt a connection in the tender and passionate exchange that followed. I know something was there…he must have felt it, too.

“It was unbelievable.” Adam mumbled to the floor. When he looked up, his eyes were shining. “Please, please Kris…I’m…I’m begging you to -- ” Then in a flash, everything shifted and some kind of wall seemed to slam down over his eyes. “Go. This is how things are, Kris. Almost every night of the week, I have my choice of men, pleading with me to fuck them, just like you did last night. It didn’t mean anything, it never does. Go home.”

A horrible ringing noise was building in Kris’ ears as a silent war took place in his mind. Adam was lying to him at least partially, he was certain of it, but the words still cut him deeper than he cared to admit. Just leave. But his desire to stay was so strong, to figure out what was distressing Adam so much, to console him, to learn more about him, to hear him laugh, to bring back those sparks of interest in music.  And he wanted to passionately embrace him and feel the giddy rush of going toe to toe with a man like that again. But you can’t fix this. You don’t even know him, don’t know what you’re getting into. Don’t do this to yourself, it will only bring heartbreak, and you’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.

“Okay. Okay, Adam. Just let me get dressed, and I’ll go…but I’m taking this with me…to remember --”  He couldn’t finish the sentence and merely held up the hand that still clutched half of the tie. Adam nodded once sharply, arms now crossed. Kris walked into the hallway and started gathering up his clothes from the floor. He put them on in the living room and checked his pocket for his necklace. Adam stood at the far end of the room looking like a magnificently chiseled statue, but staring at him with the same tumult of emotions he’d seen a few minutes ago. With a heavy sigh Kris pulled the necklace out of his pocket and dropped it on a small table near the door. Fiercely squeezing the cloth in his hand, he took one last look at the beautiful, tormented man. “Goodbye, Adam.”

He went outside and tried to get his bearings so he could walk home, but decided to hail a cab instead; it was easier given his emotional state plus he was sore from…Adam. He watched the buildings go by and tried not to feel devastated by Adam’s behavior toward him that morning. It was only one night, one night out of my whole life. I knew the risks and did it anyway. Regardless, he couldn’t ignore the aching rejection in his heart. He started to play with his half of the tie. Why did I take that? It’s only going to serve as a reminder of what I can’t have.

But he knew why he’d done it; he wanted to remember that night for the rest of his life, even if he never saw Adam again. He didn’t know how or exactly when it had happened, but sometime in the throes of their lusty dance, Adam had awoken in him feelings of fierce desire, power and strength he never knew he had. For the last year Matt had been telling him to “grow a pair” but Adam had unwittingly helped him do it in a single night. He felt crushed by Adam and excited about his newfound confidence at the same time.

It was ten-thirty by the time he got home. Thankfully it was Friday, which meant no work and no class that night. He knew Matt was working at the store today and was grateful that he had at least three hours to himself before being barraged by questions. As if to confirm this, he saw a message from Matt on the fridge, right next to the notes from Adam, that said, “Can’t wait to hear all about it!!” He let out a groan, feeling the beginnings of a headache come on and headed for his bedroom.

Unclenching his hand, he put the rumpled, soiled fabric on his bedside table. I’ll take care of that later. His clothes were stiff with his own sweat and cum and smelled like they should be burned instead of washed. Standing naked in the mirror, he examined the marks Adam had left on him and found that he liked seeing them there.

When the hot water finally hit him, he let out a long, low moan that echoed in the shower. As relieved as he was to get clean, he just realized that he was also rinsing away the remnants of Adam’s cum off of his back. Oh my god...that is just… He spread his legs and squatted all the way down to make it easier to reach, to touch himself where Adam’s tongue had been, where Adam’s enormous throbbing cock had pounded into him without pity. He rubbed deliberate circles over his tender hole as pictures from the night before scrolled through his mind. With his other hand he began to stroke his length, slowly at first, enjoying the dual sensations. But then he saw the image of himself, swallowing Adam down and taking every thrust, taking control, and then Adam beginning to come apart with trembling legs.  He sped up his hands and shouted as he fell forward onto his knees with the impact of his orgasm.

Ten minutes later he was walking around his bedroom in a pair of plaid pajama bottoms, trying to find an appropriate place for the tie. I’m not going to wash it. After rejecting about ten possibilities, he finally settled on tucking it in a small pocket inside his beat up guitar case.

Kris collapsed on his bed and cast his mind over the last forteen hours. His heart started to beat faster remembering the insane feelings of want, of passion, of possessiveness he had felt for Adam and the level of confidence he had shown even in submission. After fifteen minutes of reliving memories, he stumbled upon an astounding realization. Suddenly he knew why the majority of his relationships had failed and why he’d suffered so many heartbreaks.

Huh. So that’s why they all left me in the end. Ever since he’d started dating in high school, Kris had been known for his trusting and giving nature. He was the perfect boyfriend, attentive, sacrificing, always thinking of the other man’s needs before his own. He wasn’t just sexually submissive; he was also emotionally subservient. There had been no give and take, only Kris giving everything he had until his boyfriends had grown tired of his doormat-like ways, trying to get him to assert himself, say what he wanted and needed in the bedroom, in the relationship, in life. Shit. Why didn’t I catch on sooner? I could’ve saved myself so much pain.

Still, one night with Adam didn’t mean he could abruptly change his ways. But being with him would be such great practice. He grinned, thinking about the all the ways he could practice showing Adam what he wanted. But he doesn’t want you. It doesn’t matter how much you relish the idea of challenging a powerful, in control man like him. Adam’s lust-filled face was assaulting Kris’ brain, taunting him. This really sucks.

His phone began to vibrate from the pile of last night’s clothing. He really didn’t want to get up just now. Yeah, because I’m so enjoying torturing myself...ugh…fine. It was a text from Matt: off early. bringing home chinese 4 lunch u know u love me. He bit back a laugh, imagining the look on Matt’s face if he told him that he’d been tied up and fucked within an inch of his life last night. Huh, that’s weird. Kris wasn’t sure why, but he had completely trusted Adam last night with his body even after he had pushed him, dared him…bit him…No matter how forceful Adam had been, Kris felt that if he had said stop, Adam would have. Like you would have told him to stop…that was the hottest sex you’ve ever had in your life. He suddenly recalled the look of awe and bewilderment on Adam’s face after they had climaxed. What was that all about?

Chapter 6

For the first time he could ever remember, Adam did not want to go to work that night, even though he knew that the routine and the distraction was probably exactly what he needed. He spent the rest of the morning and that afternoon trying to erase any traces of Kris from his life. He took a long shower and covered up the bruise, changed the bed, swept the floor…like that’s going to help…laundered his clothes and sheets…got to get rid of his scent…he even burned some incense to mask the smell of sex and Kris. In doing all of this, he completely avoided going near the small table next to the door, but threw glances at it every so often. Why did he leave that here, oh god why? Just go get it and throw it away. But he didn’t.

Around two o’clock he felt satisfied that his apartment was Kris-free. Except for that damned necklace. Whatever. He had three hours before he had to start his usual preparations for that night. He knew he needed to stay busy to keep his mind off of Kris, but the effort to do so was exhausting. After thirty minutes of trying to work in his studio with no success, he finally gave in and threw himself on the bed.

Where did I go wrong with him? He laughed bitterly. Everywhere. You went wrong at every turn, Lambert. Where to even start? Oh let’s see, picking up a guy in a department store, huh, yeah, that was really clever, really fucking genius. Taking him out to coffee? Asking personal information about him? Brilliant. God, I’m such an idiot. Let’s see what else? I let him get the upper hand during that fantastic blowjob and then I let him bite me. The more he thought about it, the more he realized just how many exceptions he’d made for Kris. Oh and let’s not forget the biggest one…I fucking let him into my fucking apartment! FUCK! He was so angry with himself.

He laid there, chest heaving with emotion. You liked it. His breath caught in his throat. Oh my god. It was true. It was killing him to admit it, but he’d been completely turned on by the combination of submission, trust and aggression from Kris. Fucking mind-blowing. And that kissing afterwards, passionate, mutual…fucking scary. And he’s a musician. Fucking fuck! I need to call Alisan.

There were many people who knew some things about Adam Lambert, but only one person who knew almost all of them. The club owner was more than happy to rent out an exclusive back room to him, because the 27 year old with a voice like an angel kept the people and the money flowing in. Men in West Hollywood knew that in addition to being a talented singer, Adam never gave head and never bottomed, and he was still the hottest fuck around. They also knew that he was never with the same man more than once and that if you wanted him, you played it his way or not at all.

If you were male, not a family member, not interested in sex and could be considered his peer by virtue of age, then you knew nothing about Adam at all other his singing and hearsay, since the only people he was ever seen socializing with were female or a man known to be his brother.

There were a handful of doctors in LA who’d known Adam as a 17-year-old boy that they had nursed back to physical health. A therapist by the name of Sheila Greer had counseled him through nightmares, flashbacks and severe depression for the better part of two years and understood him to have a kind and trusting nature that had been partially damaged by trauma.

Then there was his family, who knew the Adam before it had happened: loving, funny, creative, smart, childlike, dramatic and deeply faithful to his friends. None of these qualities had changed in Adam; the only difference now was that there were significantly fewer people who were lucky enough to see them. Of course, they all knew about his “issues” with trust and men and had heard rumors about his nights at the club, but they loved him unconditionally and tried to persuade him to date. Of his family only his brother Neil, who occasionally went to the club to see Adam perform, suspected that he was using sex like some kind of drug to feel powerful. Neil didn’t judge.

And Alisan. Alisan was one of the people in his life that he trusted the most and who knew him the best. She had been his friend since middle school, had supported him and defended him. Through all the shitty times in high school and after his trauma, Alisan had never once been anything but the most loyal and trustworthy friend he’d ever had. He talked to her about everything except the more explicit details of his sexual encounters and felt safer with her than anyone he could think of except his mother.

Please pick up...please be there...

“Hey puppy!” Alisan had given him this nickname in 8^th grade after he had whined at her for two hours non-stop because he didn’t think that the boy who sat next to him in Math knew he existed.

“Thank god you’re home!” Adam cried, relief clear in his voice.

“I’m not home, I just got to the grocery store. What’s going on?  Adam you sound…are you okay hun?”

“I let a man into my bed.” Adam heard her gasp.

“I’ll be right there.”

Fifteen minutes later she was at his door with a huge tub of French Silk ice cream and a box of Kleenex. “What is that?” she asked suspiciously, glancing down at the small table by the door.”

Adam looked at the ground, feeling ashamed of his weakness. Why didn’t I just throw it away? “A necklace?”

“I can see that. It’s his isn’t it? And your apartment is even cleaner than usual,” she said with worry as she walked into the kitchen. She put the ice cream away and turned to look at him. His face was a mass of jumbled emotions. “Oh my god baby, tell me everything.”

They sat on the bed together, leaning side by side against the headboard. Alisan held Adam’s hand and he let his head drop to the side to rest on top of hers.

“I saw him at Macy’s on Monday and --”

“Macy’s! Honey what on earth were you even doing there?”

“I knoooww. But I had to drop off a check from my mom for Uncle Rob. Anyway, I saw him on my way out and…and…”

Alisan just rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand in a reassuring way.

“…and shit Ali, you should have seen him…just standing there fucking folding sweaters and looking all sexy as hell.” Kris’ beautiful face loomed before his eyes and he groaned. “Brown eyes that could drown a man, unbelievably fuckable ass, cute, crooked smile, and that bottom lip…” He shivered, remembering the way Kris’ lips had looked around his cock.

“Go on, tell me what happened.”

And then he told her about the notes and his brilliant plan to get Kris to the club. “Stop looking at me like that, I know it was stupid, I shouldn’t have…I didn’t…” His voice was rising in anger as he mentally kicked himself some more.

“Oh Adam,” she said, sitting up and turning her body to face him. “I’m not judging you, you know that. And it wasn’t stupid to feel attracted to him, to want him. Shit, he probably turned out to be a hell of a lot nicer than the regular idiots who fawn over you at the club. And he had no idea about you, did he?”

“No.” Adam was having a hard time sorting through his emotions. Under his pulsing anger, he was starting to feel bad for manipulating Kris like that. He had felt a touch of that at Macy’s on that first day, but this, this was much worse. It made him feel like more of a shit than usual. The men at the club knew what they were getting into, but Kris…

“Shit, Ali, I messed everything up! I took him to a Starbucks for god’s sake to try to make him feel more relaxed so he would come to the club with me. I…I asked him where he was from and oh my god Ali, he’s a musician! Why did I talk to him at all…why did I even let myself….” He put his head in his hands and mumbled, “fuck.”

Alisan knew that there was never any real talking involved with Adam’s men, knew that it would only tempt him into seeing them as people rather than a fix.

“Adam.” She took his hands away from his head and held them in hers. “Look at me.” She waited until she could see his eyes. “This is a good thing.”

“What! No, no, no Ali, how can this be a good thing! I let him into my bed, I let him fucking mark me!” He snatched is hands away from hers and rubbed viciously at the makeup to show her, to make her understand.

She sighed. “How many times have we been over this? How many times have I said that not everyone is going to hurt you like they did, that it’s okay to --”

“It’s not okay!” he yelled, starting to shake. “Ali, what am I going to do? He made me feel so, so…”Tears started to fall steadily down his anguished face.

“Ssshhhhh, puppy. Come here.” She pulled him down until his head rested in her lap and stroked his hair. His body began to heave and shudder with sobs and he clutched her tightly. “Oh my sweet Adam, it’s okay baby,” she said soothingly.

He hadn’t cried like this in years, not since he had tried to date again after the incident, not since he had put all those walls in place to protect himself. They sat that way for a good ten minutes until Adam’s crying faded away into hiccups and eventually just sniffles. “I got snot all over you,” he said, sitting up and wiping his nose.

She laughed softly and handed him some tissue. “Proof of how much I love you.” His eyes were red and puffy now and for a moment, he looked exactly as he had all those many years ago.

He blew his nose, “God, I’m such a --”

“You are not a baby, Adam, you’re human, and the fact that this is happening is a sign of healing, not weakness.” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “You know, we should probably call Sheila.”

“No, I don’t want to go back to therapy. I just want to erase the last week of my life and have things be like they were.”

“Do you really? Do you really want that to be your life?”

“What’s wrong with my life? I have a great job, a great apartment and I’m two songs away from finishing the album, which, by the way is gonna be sick.”

“Of course it will, because you’re mad talented, and some recording company is going to pick it up and you’ll be a superstar and buy your best friend all the shoes she could ever want.” Adam chuckled weakly. “But honey…what about love? Don’t you want that in your life?

“I…I…well, I love you Ali,” he said, smiling.

“And I love you too, puppy, but the last time I checked I was dickless.”

Adam fell silent, thinking. After a while, he got up and started to pace the room. “He trusted me. The sex, it was…insanely hot and I wanted him so bad…I wasn’t gentle with him.”

“Are you ever?”

“That’s not fair!” he snapped, but Alisan held her ground. “Fine,” he finally relented, “you know I’m not, but this was different, this was…” He came to a stop, ran a hand through his hair and looked at Alisan. “Why would he trust me like that?”

“Because, Adam, you wouldn’t really hurt a fly.”

“But how could he know that, Ali? How? For all he knew I could have been some kind of psycho. Most guys are at least a little scared.” Adam could see it on their faces, mixed in with the intense desire and it always gave him a thrill. But Kris…Kris had excited him beyond his wildest imagination.

“Sweetie, there is only one way to fix --”

“I know what you’re going to say and I’m not doing it.”  He stared at her in total disbelief. “How can you even suggest that…look at what happened!”

“Adam, don’t do this.” She got up from the bed and put her hands on his shoulders. “Don’t pass up an opportunity to have a real relationship for once in your life. This could be really, really good for you, and I know you understand that somewhere in that lovely skull of yours.”

She’s right, damn her, why does she always have to be right? “I’m scared, Ali.” He looked exactly like a five year old who had just lost his momma in the store. “What if…what if he doesn’t want me, what if he doesn’t like who I am, what if…what if it all goes wrong and…”

“You’re scared he will hurt you?”

“Not physically, no, but…”

“Oh honey, I know your heart could get broken, but it’s the risk you have to take for the possibility of finding someone special. And there would be something seriously wrong with him if he didn’t like who you are.” She reached up and ruffled his hair. “At least think about it…okay, puppy…okay?”

“Okay. God, you’re so annoying,” he said, rolling his eyes, and hugged her so hard that she struggled to get loose. Grinning mischievously, he pretended to let her go but then dug his fingers into her side and tickled her until she couldn’t breathe.

“Gah! Adam, I swear,” she panted through her laughter, “if you don’t stop I’m throwing away all the ice cream I brought for you!”

“Oh you play dirty!” he laughed, stopped his attack immediately and put on his best puppy face, “Pleeeeeeassseee can I have it now?”

***

Four hours later Adam was on stage in the middle of his set, transformed once again into the calm, collected man everyone here knew him to be. As was his habit, he searched the audience for men who looked like they met his criteria: timid with a bit of spirit. But his eyes kept landing on short men with brown hair, and each time one of them recognized that Adam was considering them, a look of hope crossed their face. He tried to concentrate on doing business as usual, but he was finding it extremely difficult. Ever the performer, however, nobody noticed that anything was out of the ordinary.

When his set was done, he bowed and ignored the papers on the stage as usual. His pace was a bit quicker than normal as he crossed the room.  He had seen a man, a brown-eyed, brown-haired man who had been looking at him all night with an intensity that was exhilarating. The man saw him approaching and looked suitably worried and turned on. Adam grabbed his hand without a word and headed to the room in the back. Once inside, Adam started kissing him furiously and was pleased to hear groaning and whimpering in return. He pulled back, smirked, and had just finished undoing the last button on the man’s shirt when he caught sight of the desk in the corner of the room and there, still fastened around the broken window frame, was the other half of the tie.

Shit! I totally forgot that was here! Oh my god.  Just looking at it and remembering Kris’ naked body all tied up made his dick throb more than the kissing he had just done. The man before him looked excited, obviously thinking that sudden heat in Adam’s eyes was for him.

“You want me.”

Adam snapped his attention back to the present and transferred his searing, lust-filled eyes to the man who only remotely resembled Kris. “No,” he said, “but I’ll have you.”

The sex was nowhere near as satisfying as it had been with Kris. Adam imagined that it was his feisty little rabbit who was bent nearly double on his back with his feet over his head, crying out Adam’s name.  Replacing brown-hair guy’s face with Kris’ made the fucking a little better than usual. When he was done, he led the man out of the room. “Tell them I’m not taking anyone else tonight,” he said, and then locked himself back inside.

He walked to the desk in the corner and jumped up onto it, reached out, and stopped his hand inches from the torn cloth. What am I doing? But he undid the knot and took it down despite his better judgment. He sat down on the desk and let the memories of last night flood his brain as he played with the tie. Already he could feel wetness seeping into the front of his pants; he pushed them off completely and sat on the edge of the desk with his legs hanging down.

The tie felt fantastic on his over-sensitive skin. Thinking about their mutual jerk off session in his bed upstairs, Adam wrapped it around his shaft several times and then moved his hand slowly and repeatedly over the fabric. Kris’ hand, frenzied and attentive at the same time, textured fingers rubbing over the head and slit of his cock…he must play the guitar…his own pre-cum mixed with Kris’ spit in that callused hand, sliding up and down along his length…

Adam tightened his grip and moved his hand faster over the tie. He started to pant, his hand on Kris’ gorgeous cock, squeezing it slightly as he pumped…the feel of smooth skin under his fingers… And then his mind went into overdrive, imagining his lips encircling it, his tongue swirling around it, swallowing it down, Kris’ hot cum sliding down his throat…fuck… “Kris!” The name ripped from his lungs and reverberated around the room. He wiped his hand on his shirt and laid back on the desk, gasping for breath. Whoa. Didn’t expect that last part now, did you?

Time went by, and soon word got out that Adam Lambert had become more selective in his choice of men and would only take one man back to the room per night. No one knew what he did in there by himself afterwards, but people said they could hear him shout out a name sometimes: Kris. Two weeks and a day after his night with Kris, Adam looked out over the sea of short men with brown hair and brown eyes as he was singing.  Damn it, I have got to do something about this.

Chapter 7

Click. Click. Click.

“Oh. My. God. I swear if I hear that guitar case being opened one more time, I am going to go bat shit crazy on your ass! What the hell are you doing? Kris?” Matt left the living room and stood in Kris’ bedroom doorway. “Dude, you realize that you are missing THE game?”

It was Saturday afternoon and a minute ago, Kris had been watching one of the most anticipated college football rivalry games of the year.

“I’ll be right back, it’s commercial anyway,” he said, sitting with his back facing the door.

“Uh Kris, I don’t mean to be nosy or anything, but that’s at least six times today that I’ve heard you open that damn case, and your guitar is in the living room.”

Kris had the fabric wrapped around both of his wrists. He thought about ignoring Matt or brushing him off, but…no, I’m not going to be ashamed of this. “It’s a…memento from my night with Adam.” Unwinding the tie again, he twisted around to face Matt, hands steadier than he felt inside.

“Whoa! Is that a tie from work? What happened to it? Wait a minute…did you…did he...” Suddenly his eyes bugged out.

I shouldn’t have shown him…maybe I’m overdoing this confidence thing a bit.

“Oh jesus, no, I really don’t want to know,” Matt continued, waving his hands in front of his body, now laughing.

Kris relaxed, chuckling, and stuck it back in the pocket. “Don’t worry, your virgin ears are safe.”

Matt looked thoughtfully at him. “Look man, it’s awesome that you finally decided to get your demo heard, but I’d be a really bad friend if I didn’t say that you don’t look as happy as you should be.”

“Are you kidding me? I am totally thrilled about it! You know how long I’ve been working on those songs.” Kris had finally decided to solicit the head of the music department, and he was excited to hear what the guy had to say.

“Yeah, okay, I know that, but…you’ve also been, I don’t know, you just seem different somehow.” Matt looked like he was struggling to find the right thing to say. “I mean, you seem kind of down, but you’re not moping over your raw fish like you usually do.”

Kris puffed out a breath of air. “I miss him, Matt.” I tried not to. He had tried to forget those eyes that could shift from lust drawn steel to bright blue sky in an instant, tried not to think of the way Adam’s sex smell had lingered on his skin, but all of his efforts had been in vain. Adam, giggling like a child on the first day they met. Adam, thrusting into his mouth. Adam, staring at him with wide, wide eyes before kissing him tenderly. Adam, making him feel powerful, strong. Adam, Adam, Adam.

“But you told me it was just a hot one night stand, that he kicked you out and, you know, that it was all good.”

It’s obviously not all good, is it? He shook his head and his voice grew quiet. “It’s been over two weeks and I can’t stop thinking about him and…well, I’ve decided that I’m not giving up on this.” He got up from the floor, walked past Matt to the living room and sat on the couch.

Matt followed him. “What do you mean by --” he started to say, but just then USC scored a touch down. “YESSSSS! Haha! Take that! Notre Dame, you are goin’ dooowwwnnn!” Kris jumped up too and pumped his fists in the air, whooping and hollering.

It was half time before Matt finished his question. “Kris, what do you mean you aren’t giving up, I mean, what are you going to do about it?”

“Well, I know he lives above the club we were at, so, you know, I’m going to go to find him,” he said with a determined face. I have to see him again, try to convince him...I just need another few days to work up the guts to do it.

Matt gaped at him. “What the hell has gotten into you lately?”

He shrugged. “Hey, you’re the one always telling me to have some balls.  I thought you’d be ecstatic.”

“Yeah, I mean I am, but…just be careful, okay?” Matt looked genuinely worried.

“I can’t believe you of all people are telling me to be careful,” he said laughing, “but thanks for being concerned…mom.”

Matt threw a handful of pretzels at him.

***

On Monday morning Kris went to work thinking that Tuesday would be the day. I’m going to do it…I can’t stand it anymore. It was a busy day at the store; people were starting their Christmas shopping already.  It’s only October! But he was glad because it kept him from looking at the tie racks and thinking about Adam.

The day went by quickly and before he knew it, there was only an hour left before his shift was over. Things were quieting down now and he started thinking about where to catch dinner before his evening class. He was on autopilot, cleaning up his area, and didn’t realize that he had walked over to the ties until he stood before them. He ran a finger down a twin of The Tie.

“Looking to test out another one?”

Kris started and spun around to find Adam standing there with a tiny smile on his face. Adam!!! His entire body seemed to sigh, as if all of his muscles had been tense for two solid weeks, and his face broke into a ridiculous smile. “I’m game if you are.”

Adam laughed quietly and Kris studied him for a moment. I don’t believe it, oh my god, he looks…nervous. That cannot be possible. Wow, add this to the growing list of the many sides of Adam. Kris wanted to know them all. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, since I absolutely hate this place, then it stands to reason that I’m here for you…I mean I’m looking for you, and, well here you are.” He winced and shook his head.

Wow. “I can’t believe you’re here because you kicked me out and I was hurt but I missed you so much that I couldn’t stand it and I was going to go find you tomorrow,” he said, words rushing out in one breath, then he blushed. Way to sound like a twelve-year-old girl.

The surprise on Adam’s face was almost comical, but it was immediately replaced with blazing fire. He stepped right up to Kris so their bodies almost touched. “You were really going to come find me?”

“Y-yes.” It was hard not to melt a little as he felt Adam’s warm breath on his lips. He shifted on his feet, feeling his pants getting uncomfortable. Then he suddenly remembered how Adam had called him a ‘little rabbit.’ He reached out and gently touched Adam’s neck right above his collarbone, wondering if the bruise was still there, hidden under makeup.

Adam sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed Kris’ wrist firmly. The air between them crackled with sexual tension. Adam moved his lips to Kris’ ear and whispered in a devilish voice, “when do you get off?”

“When I’m thinking of you,” Kris replied, completely serious.  He groaned because Adam had just licked his ear, and then realized, oh my god, I’m at work!…shit. He stepped a few feet back and looked around. Sure enough, a middle-aged woman was barely concealing her shocked expression at seeing the two men about to pounce on each other in the middle of the store.

Adam saw the lady and chuckled. “Okay seriously, Kris, when are you done working?”

“At four, but I have class tonight,” he said, frowning. “But…can we have dinner together?” It felt weird to ask him to dinner after they had already been so intimate with each other physically.

“I don’t…I’m…oh fuck.” Adam ran his fingers through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to.” Maybe he only wants me for sex.

“No, I do, it’s just…no, it’s good, it’s fine.”

Kris wasn’t convinced. “You don’t have to feel obligated or anything, you know, just because we had sex,” he said with a bite in his voice.

Adam’s eyes flew open. “Oh god no, Kris, it’s not like that, I swear! It’s just that, well, I don’t usually have dinner with guys or…date, like, at all.” He closed the distance between them again and tentatively took one of Kris’ hands in his.

There is no way that can be true…a guy like him? Men are probably throwing themselves at him all the time! “You can’t be serious.”

“I am. It’s…hard to explain, but…” Kris could tell that this all seemed to be costing Adam a lot of effort. “I want to have dinner with you, really,” he said, gazing intently into Kris’ eyes.

“Okay.” He smiled and gave Adam’s hand a squeeze. Yes yes yes!

“Okay! A date, then, we’re going on a date, yes, okay.” Adam still looked a bit nervous, but there was also a hint of childlike glee in his eyes. “Where are we going?”

“Hmm, do you like sushi?”

“Oh my god, really? I love sushi!”

“Fantastic!” Kris knew he had a dopey smile on his face, but he didn’t care. “Well for a date, I have to do better than mall sushi. I just have to finish up a few things here, okay?”

Adam groaned. “If I have to hang around this place, thank god I have eye candy to look at,” he said and winked.

It was extremely distracting to have such a hot, sexy man staring suggestively at him while he was trying to work, not to mention that Adam kept circling the ties and fondling them every so often.

When they first sat down at a booth in Kris’ favorite sushi restaurant an hour later, he couldn’t help but notice that Adam seemed distinctly uncomfortable, and they shared about a minute of awkward silence until a waitress came and took their order.

“Adam, you really look out of your element, what’s going on?”

“I told you, I don’t normally do this. It’s mostly just…”

“Fucking?”

“Look, can we talk about something else…please?” His eyes were starting to swirl with the same emotions that Kris had seen the morning after their night together.

What is he hiding?  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push.” In a gesture of apology, he kissed his own finger and then touched it to Adam’s lips.

Adam sucked the finger in at once, but not too far, and began to swirl his tongue around the tip. He closed his eyes in pleasure as if he were remembering the taste of a delicious treat. Kris’ moan was cut short by the arrival of their food. The waitress gave them a roguish wink and left.

“Damn,” Adam complained, “why do we keep getting interrupted by women? So unfair.” He gave a mock pout that made Kris want to leap over the table and suck on that bottom lip. Instead he started in on his salmon sashimi and cursed the world for thinking that college was a good idea.

“So, you’re into music?” He really wanted know, but was just as happy to use conversation as an excuse not to jump on Adam in public.

“How…how did you know that?” Adam asked, looking shocked.

“I could see it in your eyes when I mentioned I was a musician and a singer, that night at Starbucks, and I thought I saw something when you took off my necklace.” I wonder if he still has it.

Adam didn’t take the bait. “I am into music, but I’d rather talk about you. What do you play?”

Kris was starting to think that Adam was deliberately avoiding talking about himself. He hoped to have plenty of time with him in the future to figure out why, but decided not to make an issue of it right now.  “Uh, let’s see, piano, guitar, ukulele, viola…”

“Ukulele?” Adam snorted.  “And you sing, too?” he asked, looking impressed.

“Yup.” Try not to sound so pleased with yourself, okay?

“Are you any good?”

“I hope so.” He began to tell Adam about the songs he’d recorded and the demo he gave to the head of the music department who knew the biz a little.

Adam put down his chopsticks, rested his chin in one hand and listened with a dreamy expression on his face. Kris thought he could probably get high from looking at him.

“Shit, I have to get going.” Kris really, really hated school right now. After having an amicable argument about who should pay, they decided to split the bill. They had just stepped out onto the street when Kris adopted a sly grin and stated, “I want to see you again…and have dessert.”

The innuendo wasn’t lost on Adam. He seized Kris’ hand, walked down the street about twenty feet and turned left into a small, deserted alley. There was an instant battle to see who would pin the other against the brick wall first. Adam won, but only because he was taller and his long limbs seemed to be made for manhandling Kris, who wasn’t complaining in the least.

Their kisses were frenzied; hands all over each other, muffled moans filling the silence of the alley. Kris gasped as he felt Adam bite his lower lip and he returned the favor immediately. At that, Adam dug his long fingers into Kris’ ass and lifted him off the pavement about a foot. He held the backs of Kris’ thighs and began to grind feverishly against him while licking into all the corners of his mouth. Their hard lengths rubbed against each other through layers of cloth, and Kris felt that drowning sensation again.  He welcomed his death by Adam and tried to thrust back as much as possible with a giant, lust-drunk man enveloping him. When they couldn’t breathe anymore, Kris rested his forehead on Adam’s shoulder. The only sounds were their grunts as Adam dry humped him rhythmically, focused, clearly on a mission to make Kris come in his pants.

As he got closer, he could not keep his silence and began a steady stream of, “Adam…Adam…Adam!” As the orgasm ripped through him, he lifted his legs and wrapped them fully around Adam’s waist, pulling him in as close as possible and gave an enormous thrust with the last of his energy.

It was enough. Adam’s body went stiff, his face screwed up tight and…“Fuuucckk!”

Bodies trembling, they gripped each other’s faces and resumed kissing, less frantic but just as heated. Feeling inspired and daring, Kris pulled back and grinned wickedly. Then he leaned in again and licked all around Adam’s lips in a single stripe.

“Oh my god…Kris…”

“Screw it!  I’ve never missed a class.”

Adam seemed to be unable to stop kissing him. “Your…place…” he said between kisses.

“Have a…house…mate.” He put up a finger in between their mouths. “But I’ll tell him to clear out for the night.”

Adam looked like the devil himself.

Oh my god, he’s gonna eat me alive.

Chapter 8

WHAM! The sound echoed loudly as the door rattled on its hinges from the impact of Adam’s foot.

“Shit…sorry…about your……..door.” Adam felt like if he stopped kissing Kris that he might pass out, like those lips were some sort of lifeline sending blood and oxygen throughout his body. Their lips were raw and beginning to chap but he didn’t care. He was practically carrying Kris, who seemed to have lost almost all voluntary movement and was just hanging onto Adam’s neck while being ravaged.

“Bed,” Adam rasped. Kris raised an arm weakly and motioned toward the east corner of the apartment. Adam attempted to half drag him but finally stooped down and picked him up, hands cupping his ass, Kris’ arms and legs loosely wrapped around Adam’s waist and neck. Adam staggered in the direction Kris had indicated, still invading his mouth repeatedly. His brain managed to register only one thought other than must...have...him...now.

Okay, I’m in a man’s apartment, but it’s okay because it’s Kris, and Kris wouldn’t hurt me…he won’t.  And that was the last that Adam’s brain had to say on the matter because he had finally found the bedroom.

Kris had a small twin bed that stuck out into the middle of the room from the wall. They fell across it width wise, Kris’ head half way off the side of the bed.

Mouth finally free of Adam’s tongue, Kris began to beg, “hurry, please…Adam, hurry…I can’t…” He was already rutting into the air like a dog in heat. 

Adam scrabbled madly at Kris’ pants until they were off and then tried to find the clasps on his own. For once his cleverness betrayed him…fucking pants!…and he had to let go of Kris, stand up and strip them off. Adam actually brought his hands to his mouth in awe as he saw Kris bend his knees, dig his feet into the mattress and let his legs fall open slightly to expose his hole. Kris’ cock was dripping all over his stomach and Adam licked his lips looking at it. No, not quite ready for that yet. 

“Fucking…get…back…here!” Kris yelled, gasping.

Adam whipped out a condom and some lube from his discarded pants, sheathed himself and pounced on Kris, animal instincts taking over completely. Too much lube had poured out in his haste and he slid into Kris so fast that he pushed him halfway over the side of the bed. Kris shouted and stopped the momentum with his hands, which landed above his head on the floor. His ass was on the bed and his back was arched sharply back. “Don’t stop,” he said in a muffled voice as the blood rushed into his head, “take me like this. Do it, Adam.”

It’s too much beauty… too fucking much…oh my god…

Even Adam’s legendary stamina would be no match for that kind of raw abandon. He spread his knees as far as he could to lower himself almost flat to the bed, wrapped his arms around Kris’ bent legs and plunged once, twice. Kris seemed to forget his position and brought one hand up to wrench at his cock.

“Fuck!” cried Adam.

“Shit!” Kris yelled, and they toppled over the edge and onto the floor, Kris’ cum splattering them both, and landed in a tangled heap of limbs.

Chapter 9

Adam felt Kris reach up…how can he even move right now?... and pull the bedcovers down on top them. Adam did not do cuddling, not on purpose anyway.  That night didn’t count.  But he couldn’t have moved even if he’d wanted to. They stayed like that for a few minutes, two heads sticking out of the blue striped comforter.

Kris lifted up a little and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “That was the hottest, most mind-blowing…and seriously unexpected…” He laughed a little and let his head drop back to the floor.

Adam gave him a tiny, sweet smirk. “Fantastic,definitely one of my top two.”

Kris seemed to glow at that. “What was the other one?”

“Our night in the club.” He totally deserves the ego strokes after that little display…plus it’s true.

He positively beamed at Adam, mouth stretching into a wide, crooked grin.

Adam was getting fidgety.  He couldn’t tell whose arm or leg was digging into his back and he didn’t really care, but he was starting to get too warm under the covers and cuddling was…weird…unfamiliar to his brain even if it felt kind of nice. He started to disentangle their legs.

“Can’t we stay like this a little longer?” Kris cooed, “I love feeling you so close to me.”

But Adam continued to shift until he was free, rolled over and stood up. He was still wearing his shirt, thankfully, but otherwise felt very exposed. His pants were on the other side of the bed and he walked over and pulled them on despite how incredibly disgusting they were right now. Kris was looking at him with open wonder, something he’d never seen directed at him from another male his age; want, fear…hatred…but not this.

Then Kris’ brow furrowed. “How come you don’t like being naked? With a body like yours…”

Adam shrugged and started walking around the room, examining the shelves and walls. He trailed a finger over a framed certificate that said ‘Arkansas all-state orchestra.’ That is adorable. “You are too much, Kris,” he chuckled softly.

Kris snorted and finally got up. He took off his cum stained t-shirt and looked around for his pajama bottoms, eventually finding them draped on the back of his desk chair. He stepped into the flannel pants, picked up the comforter from the floor and smoothed it out on the bed. Sighing contentedly, he flopped down on it with his hands behind his head and watched Adam.

Adam saw Kris staring at him out of the corner of his eye as he continued to peruse the room. “Uh, so when is your roommate coming home?” He saw a clock on the wall; it was only nine o’clock.

“He’s crashing at Nick’s tonight, so…”

Kris was obviously expecting Adam to spend the night. Fuck. Still, there was plenty of time left to work that out, and Adam had other plans at the moment. He’d just spotted Kris’ guitar case in the corner, lid open and leaning against the wall. “Will you play something for me?” he asked, pointing towards the empty case. Adam was still getting used to this…this…hanging out thing and music was definitely familiar, comfortable, something he could focus on.

“Sure!” Kris said, cheeks flushing just a bit, “let me just grab my guitar from the other room.”

The minute he was gone, Adam hurried over to the case.  There was something he had recognized at once peeking out of an inside pocket. “Holy mother of--” He keeps it in his guitar case? Why is that so hot? You think everything about him is hot, Lambert.

Kris returned with guitar in hand and saw Adam looking at the tie. He rubbed at the back of his neck with one hand, looking slightly embarrassed.

Adam suddenly wanted him again. In two long strides he was towering over Kris, staring down at him fiercely. “I keep mine around my cock.”

Kris’ breath hitched. “I…I thought you wanted to hear…” Kris stuttered, throwing a quick glance down at Adam’s sizeable bulge. His eyes were gradually dilating into dark pools.

“Oh I do, I definitely do. But, Kris, the things you do to me…you have no idea…I can’t get enough of you.” His fingers brushed the strings on the guitar as he started to take it from Kris, intending to put it down so he could fully access that gorgeous body. But something made him stop. “Don’t pass up an opportunity to have a real relationship for once in your life.” Alisan. Damn her for cockblocking me! She is so going to pay for this. He sighed. Alright, Lambert, make an effort here to have this be about something more than fucking. He retracted his hands and motioned for Kris to sit on the bed. “Actually, we have the all night for that. I really want to hear you play…and sing.”

“Wha-wh…okay,” Kris said with a wavering voice. “You are going to be the death of me.” He shook his head, sat down and began to tune his guitar. “I swear I’m going to figure you out someday.”

Highly unlikely.

“Okay, this is a song I wrote, well, after a nasty breakup.”

There's an eclipse in your eye where I used to shine

Every secret untold is a planet aligned

Don't need prophets or preachers to make sense of the signs

when the buried and hidden can be seen by the blind

Adam was spellbound, and surprisingly glad that he’d decided to hold off, which he couldn’t recall ever doing before. Kris’ voice poured over him, soothing, haunting and utterly mesmerizing. He wanted to bathe in it, wrap himself in it…and the more absorbed he became, the more fire he could feel rolling off of Kris. The expression of desire grew so intense in Kris' eyes that Adam almost felt the need to look away.

Without warning, Kris threw aside his guitar and rushed at him. He pushed Adam down onto the bed, immediately crawling up to straddle him. Adam was completely caught off guard and went down hard, eyes wide. Kris’ muscular thighs pinned and he began pushing up Adam’s shirt roughly then tried pulling his pants off.

Adam froze, his body rigid from head to toe. Sounds and voices were filling his ears, sounds that didn’t belong to this room, voices that weren’t Kris’. All at once he felt his head explode with pain. Hands… fists…steel toe boots…more than two…he was crying and begging… “STOP PLEASE…NOOOOOO! I’M BEGGING Y --”  He couldn’t breathe… gagging… retching…gagging…clothes torn to shreds…naked…exposed…legs kicking wildly… fighting… kicking…WHAM!… sand and blood in his eyes…screaming screaming…flesh ripping…again, again, again...red thighs… “HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!”

“Adam!…Adam!”

He kicked and thrashed, fighting for his life.

“ADAM!”

His eyes flew open. Someone was sitting on him, holding him down. He wrenched his knee up and drove it hard into the man’s groin.

Kris let go of Adam’s shoulders and rolled off the bed, crying out in agony.

Adam leapt off the bed, panic gripping his heart, his eyes bulged out in terror. He turned around and ran, right into the frame of the doorway. His head hit the hard edge and he went down instantly.

Kris crawled over to him, eyes still watering in pain. “Adam…oh my god are you okay?  What happened?”

Adam sat up and scrambled back into a corner, looking wild, confused and vulnerable like someone was about to attack him.

“Hey…hey…sshhhh it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you…Adam, look at me.” Kris was crouched low and kept his distance. “It’s…it’s okay…sshhhhh…”

“Kris?”  That’s Kris. You’re in Kris’ bedroom. You were on the bed but you’re okay. You’re not naked or badly hurt. You hit your head on the door. Kris didn’t hurt you. Slowly, his eyes lost their terrified expression, but his heart was still racing.

“Yes, Adam, it’s Kris. Are…are you okay? You had some sort of fit back there.”

Adam heard the genuine concern in his voice. As his fear abated a little, a terrible, merciless, overwhelming ocean of shame crashed over him. He stood up, fastened his pants and walked out of the bedroom without a word.

“Adam, wait!” Kris yelled after him. “Where are you going? Please…come back!”

But Adam kept going all the way to the apartment door; then he opened it and left.

He walked right past his car without seeing it. Got to find Ali…got to find her…where is she? Your phone. Get your phone, you have to call her. He pulled out his phone and pushed ‘1’.

“Hey puppy! How did it go?”

“Help me.” His voice was small and sounded like that of a frightened baby animal.

“Where are you?” There were very few things that made Adam ask for help like that.

“I…I don’t know. I just left his apartment…I…” He was still trembling all over.

“Adam, listen to me. I need you to look around you, okay? What do you see?”

“A park…and a sign…it says Rosewood Park,” he said, still walking, not stopping. Keep moving, got to keep moving.

“Okay, I’m coming to get you. Adam, I want you to stop and sit down by the entrance to the park so I can find you. Adam, are you listening?”

“I have to keep moving.”

“No baby, please, I’m coming for you, but you need to sit down. I can’t find you if you keep moving.”

“Okay. Okay, Ali…I found a bench.”

“Good. Stay there. Don’t go anywhere. I’m coming, puppy.”

“Hurry.”

Alisan hung up and he sat there, shivering under the harsh glare of the streetlamp hanging over the park gate.

This is what happens when you make exceptions for someone…this never would have happened if I didn’t let him get under my skin, if I didn’t… Adam felt tortured. He couldn’t help how much he wanted to be with Kris, how incredible he was, how beautiful.  I hurt him…I fucking hurt him and probably freaked him out so badly…he’s never going to want to see me again…

Maybe that was good though.  This can’t happen again…this can never…  Adam remembered the flashbacks he used to have after the incident and how much worse they were when he had tried to date again. He knows I’m weak now, knows I’m not what he thought I was…he’ll never want me again.  He told himself that it didn’t matter because it was for the best anyway.

But he couldn’t stop the tears that started to leak from his eyes, thinking that he might never see that crooked smile again. Look at you…pathetic, weak…sniffling like a baby…who would want you anyway?

A car stopped on the street in front of him and Alisan came hurrying over to him. “Adam! Thank god you’re okay! Come on baby, get in the car. I’m taking you home.”

He suddenly remembered that he had driven to Kris’ house. “My car, I…I left it at Kris’ apartment.”

“Don’t worry about that right now, we’ll deal with it later. You’re in no shape to drive anyway.” She steered him to the passenger side of her car and opened the door for him. “What happened to your forehead?”

“Hit it on a door,” he mumbled and got in.

Once they were both inside, Alisan turned to him and asked softly, “Did you have a flashback?”

Adam nodded. He wasn’t scared anymore, but the shame of what had happened was suffocating.

“It’s going to be okay, honey, it’s going to be all right. We’re going to my place and I’m going to take care of you…okay?

They rode in relative silence until they reached Alisan’s apartment. She took his hand and they walked together up the stairs and into Adam’s second home. She went right to her bedroom and came out with a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants that Adam liked to keep there for when he slept over. “Go take a shower and change, sweetie, go on. I’ll be right here when you’re done.”

Adam went into her bathroom and closed the door. He purposely avoided looking at himself in the mirror as he undressed and stepped into the tub. As he washed, the events of the evening rolled over him, and suddenly it was too much.  The memories of what they’d done to him all those years ago, the shame he felt, the look of concern on Kris’ face…it all came flooding back and he began to weep openly, standing under the hot water, body shaking and heaving.

The bathroom door opened and Alisan came in. “Oh my sweet puppy,” she said with tears glistening in her eyes. She drew back the shower curtain and pulled him out, wrapped him in a huge fluffy towel and hugged him close to her body as he sobbed.

“He’ll never want to see me again, Ali,” he wailed.

“Sshhhh, honey, you don’t know that.” She dried him off and helped him put on the sweatpants and shirt.

She led him over to her bed, gently guided him down onto his side and spooned around him the best that she could. “Tell me what happened.”

Adam took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to steady his voice. He told her about going to Macy’s again, about the “date” and the alley, about going to Kris’ apartment and hearing him sing. But when he got to the part where Kris had pinned him down on the bed, he stuttered to a halt.

“Did he hurt you, Adam?”

“No, he…he wanted me…he just wanted me really bad.” He pulled Alisan’s arms around him tighter. “But when he started tearing at my clothes like that…” He tucked his chin into his chest and fell silent. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. “Ali, I think I really freaked him out.”

“Try to remember, think hard…what happened after your flashback?”

But the memories were right there; he didn’t need to make any effort remember them. “I…I kneed him in the balls, hard…I didn’t know it was him at first. And then I jumped off of the bed and ran into the doorway. I fell…I was still really scared,” he said, feeling his heart speed up a little thinking about it again.

“And what did Kris do? Was he angry with you, upset?”

“He was upset, but like he was worried about me, not mad. And then I realized what had happened and I left.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

Adam had to think hard for this one. He knew that Kris had been yelling something…what was it? And then he remembered. “He said, ‘come back.’”

Alisan didn’t say anything; just let those words hang in the air. After a while of laying in the silence, Adam finally felt his exhausted body relax and he fell asleep in her arms.

“Please…come back!” Kris yelled after Adam. He heard the front door slam and tried to get up, but the pain in his groin was still excruciating. He forced himself to stand, put his hands on his knees and took some deep breaths. After he could take a few steps without wincing, he made his way into the living room. What the fuck! It seemed that Adam had suffered some kind of seizure and Kris was extremely worried about him. Why did he look so scared, like I was hurting him? He tried to think if he’d done anything to make Adam afraid of him. Well, you did pounce on him pretty ruthlessly. But why would that scare him? Adam was obviously in favor of rough, passionate sex. He shook his head, utterly bewildered.

He walked outside, saw Adam’s car parked on the street and rushed over to it as quickly as he could, but no one was inside. Looking around the dark, empty streets, Kris knew Adam was probably far enough away by now that he couldn’t catch him on foot. Why didn’t he drive? This made absolutely no sense and only increased Kris’ feeling of panic. He ran back in for his keys, got in his car and drove up and down the streets looking for Adam. There is no way he would’ve walked home and even if he did, he wouldn’t be there yet. Oh my god, what happened to him? His eyes were starting to sparkle with tears.

After an hour of searching, he sped up and took off for Adam’s apartment. Please let him be there. He finally found the club after taking a few wrong turns. It was still crowded despite it being a Monday night; he had to park two blocks away and then half ran, half walked to the club. Heart racing, he took the steps two at a time. He was wheezing by the time he finally reached Adam’s floor and tried to catch his breath while knocking on the door. “Adam!” he called, panting, “please open up if you’re there…please!” There was no response. He hammered at the door again. “I’m not mad at you.  I know you didn’t mean to hurt me and I don’t care if I can’t have children now….Adam please!” he cried, “I just want to know if you’re okay, I need to know that you’re okay!”

The heavy beats from the club below were the only sounds Kris could hear. He pressed his ear against the door for a minute, and then finally admitted defeat. Exhausted, he went downstairs. When he reached the first floor, he was suddenly struck with the idea that Adam might be in the club somewhere.  He obviously spent a lot of time there if he had keys to a back room. I wonder if he works there. Even though it was highly unlikely that Adam would be working right now, he needed to look anyway, just to be sure.

It was insanely crowded in the club. Kris wove in and out of the mass of bodies and even went back to the room they had been in, searching for any sign of Adam. No sounds came from the locked room and after about thirty minutes of looking everywhere, he gave up. Why didn’t I get his phone number? Shit. His face grew hard and determined as he drove home. I’m going back there every night until I find him.

Adam’s car was still parked outside Kris’ apartment building. Where did he go? Kris felt like a wreck. He was so confused and worried, tired from running all over town and his balls still felt like Adam’s knee had been made of lead. You were hoping to have a hot, sweet night with him and instead you got this. Is he really worth it?

He flipped on the lights and dropped his keys in a bowl by the door. Standing there in the small foyer, he thought about how his life had changed in the short time since he met Adam. The attraction he felt towards him was intense, not doubt, but there was more to it than that. For as long as he could remember, Kris had been a passenger in his relationships but never a driving force, always meekly accepting whatever happened to him like a leaf floating downstream. Although he wasn’t sure it was entirely accurate to say that he had a ‘relationship’ with Adam, he knew with a certainty that Adam had changed him forever and that there was no going back. But you can use what you’ve learned with other men now. It doesn’t have to be Adam.

“Yes it does!” he yelled out to the empty room, fists clenched at his side. Whoa. Down boy. He didn’t care. He didn’t care what Adam was hiding, he didn’t care that Adam had kicked him out of his apartment, had flipped out on him and kneed him in the balls. He. Wanted. Adam. And god damn it, he was not going down without a really good fight. “So there!” he told the room.

He had a fitful night. In addition to being worried about Adam, his sleep had been constantly interrupted by dreams of Adam yelling that he never wanted to see Kris again because Kris had hurt him so badly. When his alarm went off at seven, he seriously considered calling out sick from work, not just because he was tired, but he also couldn’t stand the thought of working while still not knowing where Adam was. He’s probably fine, at home asleep in his bed…but…but what if he’s not? What if he is in a hospital somewhere? He tried not to think about that. He briefly thought of checking local hospitals but suddenly realized that he didn’t even know Adam’s last name. Shit! You need to stop this. Go to work, you need the distraction. He finally decided he would call the store and say he’d be late this morning so he could go by Adam’s first.

Adam's car was still parked out in front.  Where is he and why doesn't he need his car anymore?

Since the club was closed at this early hour, it was easy to listen at Adam’s door for any sounds of movement. He banged on it for ten minutes; Adam was either a very sound sleeper, ignoring him, or not home. If he’s not at home this early…UGH…stop it, you barely even know him, he could be staying with relatives for all you know…this doesn’t mean that he’s in trouble. If he were home, why would he ignore me? He thought again about his dreams and felt tortured that he might have done something to hurt Adam. Just go to work and come back later. Thank god he didn’t have school tonight.

Matt came into work at eleven, looking way too cheerful for Kris’ liking. Crap, he’s going to ask, of course he is.

“Whoa, you look like shit.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Kris muttered.

“What, did you guys pull an…all nighter?” he said cheekily, but then looked closer at Kris. “Jesus, Kris, you look like somebody died. What the hell happened last night?”

Kris found that he really didn’t want to talk about it…at all. He was too tired, too worried and confused and he had no energy to try to explain things to Matt. Hell, he wasn’t even sure what he’d tell him anyway. “Matt, I’m really sorry, man, but I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Hey, no problem. I won’t pry or anything, but let me know if you change your mind.” He looked concerned, but he smiled gently and headed off to start his shift.

Kris checked the clock for what felt like a hundred times that day. It was agonizing, and he was so overly grateful when he had customers to distract himself that he must have appeared slightly manic in his enthusiasm to help them, to keep them talking.

4pm. Finally! He ran by the shoe department and yelled a quick “see ya later” to Matt on his way out.

He went through the same routine as he had last night, banging on Adam’s door, searching the club…no Adam. Growling, he pounded his fists on a nearby wall, angry tears filling his bloodshot eyes. It was still early enough that the sound echoed in the half empty room, and the bartender in the corner gave him a peculiar glance. Oh my god! Why didn’t I think to ask around? Mentally kicking himself for his stupidity, he hurried over and approached the bar.

“Hey man, do you know a guy named Adam that might work here?”

The bartender looked at him incredulously. “Are you fucking serious?”

Well that’s a strange response. “Yes! Does he work here?”

“Where the fuck have you been for the past year?”

“Look,” Kris said, thoroughly irritated now, “I’ve been trying to find him, okay, so he definitely works here?”

“Uh, yeah, like four times a week,” he said in a tone that made it clear he thought Kris was an idiot, “but you’re a day early.  Come back tomorrow around eight.” The bartender scoffed. “You look like exactly his type, too, so your chances should be pretty good.

My chances at what? What kind of work does Adam do here anyway? But before he could ask either of these questions, the bartender disappeared through a door behind the bar. What the hell…my chances? Although he was extremely relieved to know that he might finally be able to see Adam as soon as tomorrow, Kris felt plagued by the bartender’s comment and it only added to his already strung out nerves. Plus, he just remembered that he had class tomorrow until nine o’clock and he was supposed to get back his demo so he couldn’t miss it. FUCK.

The only way he could get through the rest of the evening was by convincing Matt to do a Back to The Future marathon. Wish I had a time machine. Then he could transport himself to tomorrow night.  The not knowing, the waiting was the worst part of it all; it gave him too much time to ruminate on questions he had no answers to.

He was just starting to doze off when Matt spoke up. “Kris?”

“Yeah?” he mumbled.

“I’m kind of worried about you,” Matt said, pausing the movie.

Kris sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. He had to tell him something. “Alright listen, last night went really well until Adam had some kind of fit and ran off --”

“A fit?”

“-- and I’ve been looking for him ever since and tonight I found out that he works at the club we were at weeks ago and that he’s supposed to be working tomorrow.” He flopped back against the couch, totally worn out but knowing he was in for another sleepless night.

“Um…so what do you mean, he had a fit?”

“I don’t know, Matt!  He went all rigid and then started thrashing around and then took off.” He drew a deep breath.  It wasn’t Matt’s fault, he was just so tired and emotionally overwrought. “I’m sorry…I’ve just been really worried about him and I barely slept last night.”

“Are you sure he’s worth all this?”

Kris sat up again and turned to look directly at Matt. “Without a doubt.”

***

The next day Kris pounded back 5-hour energy drinks like they were water. He wasn’t technically supposed to have food or drinks at his counter at work, but he didn’t care and he wouldn’t have made it any other way. There were huge dark circles under his eyes and his only consolation was that finally, finally he was going to see Adam tonight. Please let him be there. He just prayed that Adam worked all night and would still be there when he got out of school.

Music theory was the only class he was taking this semester, and he was on track to graduate in the Spring. He usually enjoyed it, and even though he was supposed get his demo tonight with notes from the head of the department, all Kris could think about was seeing Adam in a few hours.

“Kris,” the professor called after class was over. “Here’s your demo back from Professor Jenkins. He said it was excellent, but you can read about it yourself in his notes.”

“Thanks!” he said, taking the CD and envelope and shoving them hastily in his bag. He took off without another word. Please let him be there.

The street was packed with cars again, even more than there had been on Monday. After circling impatiently and banging his fists on the steering wheel every so often for fifteen minutes, he finally broke down and parked in a nearby garage that charged twenty dollars for the evening.

The club was eerily devoid of thumping rhythms when he approached it, but he could hear the muffled sounds of cheering. He got his hand stamped and walked in just in time to hear a man’s voice reverberating throughout the room.

“Thank you, thank you! For my last song tonight…”

ADAM! Relief flooded Kris’ veins, his hands began to tremble and he stopped listening to what Adam was saying into the microphone. He almost started running toward the stage when he stopped and stood, frozen, against a wall that was cast in shadows. The most amazing sound he had ever heard in his life was coming out of Adam’s mouth. The song was upbeat and catchy, rock fused with pop and some electronic beats and Adam’s voice was…perfect. His range was ridiculous…who hits notes like that?…and there was a clean yet soulful sound to his voice that made Kris shiver right down to his core. Why didn’t he tell me?

He was so lost in Adam’s singing that he wasn’t paying attention to anyone around him, so when two guys started talking only two feet away, he was only half listening.

“Who do you think he’ll pick tonight?” said one of the men.

“Pssht, don’t get your hopes up, you’re too tall,” said the other.

“Yeah, but I have brown eyes and yours are blue…no way Adam will pick you,” countered the taller man.

Kris whipped his head around and stared at them. They caught his movement and then looked him up and down.

“Shit. We’re both done for with that guy in the running,” said the short man with blue eyes.

Oh my god…what the hell is going on? He remembered the bartender’s comment that he was exactly Adam’s type and began really looking around the room for the first time. Brown hair, brown eyes, short stature…they were everywhere he looked, and some of them were walking up to the stage and tossing little pieces of paper on it. Wh-what…

“Adam Lambert, ladies and gentlemen!” The crowd went wild and Adam took a few bows. Lambert, his last name is Lambert. Kris saw Adam leave the stage and started pushing his way through the masses of men.  Adam made a beeline for a man close to the stage, took his hand and walked quickly towards the back of the club.

“Adam!” Kris yelled out, but his voice was drowned out by all the other men screaming the same name. The bodies pressed against him as he tried to muscle through them, now frantic to get at Adam, who hadn’t noticed him from the other side of the room. He saw Adam and the other man…he looks just like me…disappear into the back hallway and started to panic; he did not like where this was going.

After five minutes he had made no progress, so he turned around and headed to the side of the room, where he did better scooting along the walls. At long last he was at the hallway. There were a couple of rooms back there, but Kris remembered exactly which one it had been and he knew in his gut that Adam was in there with the Kris look-a-like. Sure enough, he heard the unmistakable sounds of sex as he drew near the door.

“Adam! Adam! Oh god…yes!”

Kris’ body fell back against the wall opposite the door, breath completely knocked out of him, tears falling thick and fast down his cheeks, hands opening and closing uselessly at his sides. This…this was too much, on top of everything else. Kris’ mind felt numb as he stood there, pain stabbing and twisting his heart.

He heard a lock click and the door before him opened. Adam came out with the bastard and saw Kris against leaning the wall, shaking and crying. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped.  “Kris!”

Kris ran, ran just like Adam had run out on him two nights ago.  He tore out of the club, roughly shoving people aside until he reached the open air.

He called out sick the next day. All through the night he had heard the words over and over again in his head: “Adam! Adam! Oh god…yes!” Nothing could drown them out, movies, music, and Matt trying to console him…they had all been completely ineffective. Even his own thoughts telling him to be a man about it all, to realize that he barely knew Adam and that he shouldn’t be so surprised or hurt, none of it lessened the pain or removed the sound of someone else crying out Adam’s name in the heat of passion.

It was just past noon and he was still in bed, clutching the pillow over his head tighter as if this would help. His stomach rumbled but he ignored it, stubbornly gripping the pillow, begging it to make the words and sounds disappear. All it did was muffle the sound of a knock on his door. He sat up, listening hard. He heard it again. Is it Adam? Kris wasn’t even sure right now how he would feel if it was Adam. What would he say to him? Hi, I thought we had something good going but then you flipped out, ran away and fucked some other guy who looks like me. How are you?

The sound came again, more insistent this time. No matter how conflicted he felt, he couldn’t ignore it, not if there was any chance in hell that they could make things right again. You’re so pathetic.

It wasn’t Adam. A short woman with long brown hair stood there. “Can I help you?” Kris asked her.

The woman looked at him, still in his pjs, and looking like he hadn’t slept in weeks.  “No, but I think I might be able to help you. You must be Kris.” Kris nodded. “My name is Alisan. Adam is my best friend and he sent me here to talk to you. Can I come in?”

Unable to find any words to say to her, Kris merely stepped back and let her in. What, so he sends his friend instead of coming himself? Coward.

Kris motioned for her to sit down on the couch. “Can I get you anything?” He may be miserable and unshowered, but nothing could make him forget the manners his mama had taught him.

“No, thank you. Kris, please sit down.”

He did, wondering what on earth she could possibly say to help the situation.

“I know you are wondering why Adam isn’t here himself. I can see you’re in a great deal of pain after what you saw last night and --”

“How do you know about that?”

“Kris, I’ve been Adam’s best friend since middle school. There is almost nothing he doesn’t tell me about.”

He couldn’t help himself; he was desperate for answers and started throwing them out at her one after another. “Why did he run out on me? What happened to him on Monday?” He got up and started pacing the room. “Why didn’t he contact me again? Why was he having sex with a man who looks like me?”

“Whoa there, one at a time. There’s a lot going on here that you don’t understand yet.”

“Then tell me! Please, Alisan…I…I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Alisan looked at him with sympathy, took his hand and pulled it until he was sitting down again. “Kris, Adam really wants to be with you…”

“Ha! So that’s why he’s fucking some guy in the --”

“Please, let me finish. He wants to be with you, he just isn’t sure how to do that. I’m sure he told you that he doesn’t normally date.”

Kris shrugged. “Yeah, he did.”

“Weren’t you curious about that?”

“Of course I was! But he wouldn’t talk about it, he never talked about himself.”

“There’s a reason for that, and Adam wants me to tell you about it.” She shook her head. “I’m not sure if he ever intended on you knowing, but after last night, when he saw you there…” She looked at Kris. “You are obviously really special to him Kris, even if you don’t realize it yet. There’s hardly anyone on this earth who knows what I’m about to tell you.”

Kris didn’t make a sound, hoping against hope that whatever she said would make his pain go away.

She took a deep breath and faced him squarely. “When Adam was a senior in high school, he was gang raped and beaten within an inch of his life by a group of guys that he thought were his friends.”

Kris gaped at her, feeling nauseous and utterly horrorstruck.

“There were eight of them, people that Adam knew and trusted, guys who had drawn him into their circle of friendship over the course of that year. All of them, they raped him anally and orally, and beat him so badly that he lost consciousness and needed intensive care for weeks.” She began to cry a little. “He…he had reconstructive surgery…on the soft palate in his throat and…” She dropped her head. “I thought he was going to die. The damage to his body was so bad…they broke him, Kris, inside and out.”

Tears streamed unchecked down Kris’ face and into his lap. Oh my god…oh my god…Adam…Adam…Adam… He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing he could hug Adam instead. Alisan’s revelation had not taken away his pain at all; instead her words had transformed it into a different kind of pain altogether.

“He was such a carefree, trusting spirit…” She looked at Kris again. “That’s still in there, Kris, but not very many people get to see it.”

Kris wiped his eyes with both his palms. He cast about for something to say to Alisan, but all he could think about was an unsuspecting Adam being raped and beaten unconscious. His shocked brain finally landed on one of his earlier questions. “So, so on Monday…”

“A flashback, hon, Adam had a flashback.”

“Oh my god! I did hurt him! I…I made him remember…that…” He leapt of the couch and began to pace again, feeling the worst he had ever felt in his entire life. “Oh my god…oh my god…poor Adam…no wonder he ran away from me!”

“Kris, stop. There is no way you could have known.”

But Kris carried on mentally beating himself up. “What have I done…what have I done?”

“Kris!” Alisan stood up, took him by the shoulders and shook him; she was surprisingly strong for such a small woman. “Stop it! It won’t help Adam. He doesn’t blame you, he blames himself.”

“What?” He blinked, surprised. “Why would he do that?”

“Because he let his guard down…he cared about you, Kris. You have no idea how rare that is for him. Didn’t you hear me earlier? He wants to be with you.”

Could that really be true? “I’m…I’m so confused, Alisan. What about last night?”

Alisan sighed heavily. “Adam uses men to feel powerful, but there’s no emotional connection whatsoever. After he had the flashback on Monday, I’m sure he felt the need to regain some semblance of control.”

“But he looked just like me!”

“Kris, surely you can piece that together on your own?”

He sat down slowly and thought for a minute. He glanced at Alisan. “Does he really want me? Even after I…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“He does, but I’m not going to lie and say it will be easy, and Kris…” She paused for a moment as if weighing her words, “I’m not going to tell you not to break his heart. You have to do what you think is right for you.”

Kris looked at her in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? You think…you think that I won’t want him now…because of…what you told me about him?”

“That’s not what I meant. You just need to understand that making this work with Adam is going to be…he hasn’t dated anyone in over eight years. He doesn’t know how to trust men or even be friends with them.”

“I don’t care Alisan. You go and you tell him that I’ll do whatever it takes to be with him. Will you tell him that?”

Alisan smiled for the first time since she had come in. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

After Alisan left, Kris went straight to his guitar case and got out his half of the tie. He sat down on his bed and stroked it lovingly.  The silky fabric was pressed firmly to his heart when he finally fell asleep.

Chapter 11

Adam was pacing. Why isn’t she back yet? What’s taking her so long? He picked at his thumbnail and flicked a chip of black polish onto the floor. What if he doesn’t want me anymore? I wouldn’t blame him. Adam had spent much of the afternoon worrying. Alisan had been shocked but pleasantly surprised when he told her that he wanted Kris to know about his past. He still felt like a coward, not being able to do it himself, but…you know you couldn’t have done that, don’t fucking kid yourself.

Had it been the right thing to do? He’d never intended for anyone new to find out. When he made the decision last night, it had seemed like the only way to keep Kris in his life, but… It’s too late now. Adam felt so vulnerable with his gruesome tale being talked about by them. What if Kris thinks I’m just a damaged freak? Fuck! He hated waiting.

At three o’clock, he finally heard a light knock on his door. He ran over and unlocked it, swung it open and dragged Alisan unceremoniously into his apartment. “What did he say? What did he saaaayyyyy?”

“Hold on, let me take my coat off,” she said with a tinkling laugh.

“Gah! Don’t toy with me Ali! You know I’ve been driving myself crazy over here! Tell meee!” He tugged on her coat like a little boy begging for cookies.

She shooed him away, took her coat off, and tossed it on a chair. Then she turned to face him. “He said, and I quote, ‘tell him that I’ll do whatever it takes to be with him.’”

Adam let out a tiny gasp and covered his mouth with his hands. “Really? Did he really say that?” he asked through his fingers.

She nodded, smiling.

Adam felt a giddy joy bubbling up inside him and he giggled in a scared sort of way, like he was afraid to feel this happy, as if he didn’t deserve the cookies. He took his hands away from his face. “What should I do? What do I do now?”

“Adam, you’re a big boy. What do you want to do?”

“I want to see him,” he said immediately, “but…should I go there? Should I wait for him to come here? I don’t even have his phone number. Maybe I should go to his place. Should I go to his place, Ali?”

“Oh my god, you sound exactly like a fourteen year old girl!” She slapped him on the arm and pecked him on the cheek. “Are you ready for him to be in your apartment again?”

Adam frowned. “I…I don’t…. shit, I’m going to suck at this.”

“You just need some practice, honey, and Kris is more than willing.”

There was suddenly a wicked glint in his eye.

Alisan laughed at him. “Oh no, I know that look. You had better go find that boy and quick.”

“But my car, it’s still there!” He’d been staying with Alisan since Monday and hadn’t even thought about it. “Can I have a ride?”

“You bet, puppy, on one condition…that you get your ass working on the rest of those tracks again soon.”

Adam nodded his head fervently. “I will, Ali, I will. Now help me decide what to wear!”

When Adam and Alisan left his apartment an hour later, he was wearing his I’m-not-having-sex-tonight pants, a regular pair of black jeans with a normal zipper and everything. He felt very nervous because he had a feeling that they would have sex tonight and the jeans were so…accessible. I want this. I want to be…normal…with Kris.

“You look so tense,” said Alisan.  “Are you okay?”

“Yes…yeah, I’m just…fuck…” He wrung his hands. “What am I going to say to him?”

She put a hand on his knee and squeezed it reassuringly. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Alisan, I’m so glad I have you. I…thank you, for everything you’ve done for me.”

“Aww, puppy, you know how much I love you. Besides, you’d do the same for me.”

“You know I would,” he said, smiling at her fondly.

As they continued driving, Adam felt more and more like he was being chaperoned by his mom on a first date. When he could see his car down the street, he asked Alisan to pull over. “This is fine, Ali, I’ll walk from here, okay?”

She nodded with understanding and stopped the car along the curb. “Have fun! Don’t stay out too late!” she said teasingly.

He stuck his tongue out at her and got out. His boots clicked on the cement as he walked, hands shoved deeply into the pockets of the no-sex pants. A few minutes later he was at the door with his hand raised, finger hovering over the bell. Do it. Just push it already. The two inches between the tip of his finger and the bell felt like a mile, but he took in a deep breath and pressed it quickly.

Adam waited. No one came to the door. What if he’s not here? What if he saw me out the window and…and… changed his mind? But in the next second the door opened, and there stood a dripping wet Kris, wearing only a pair of black pajama pants and looking like he’d just stepped out of the shower…or my fantasies. Adam caught his breath. Christ!

“Adam!” Kris’ face lit up and he threw his arms around Adam, pulling him close.

Kris smelled like…heaven, sex, kittens and rainbows and hot gorgeous body can we please fuck now? It didn’t help that he was half naked and…wet, oh my god. Adam put his arms around Kris, trying to hug him like it was a familiar thing instead of awkward.  Trying not to pounce on him right now, you mean. Yeah, that too.

Adam couldn’t help it; he started running his hands all over Kris’ naked, damp back. Kris looked up into Adam’s eyes. “We need to talk about a few things…”

Damn. Maybe no-sex pants will stay that way after all.

“…but,” Kris continued with a smile, “it can wait until...” He reached up, pulled Adam’s head down and kissed him, though very tentatively.

He's being gentle with me now...shit. Adam drew back and turned his head to whisper in Kris' ear.  “Let's try that again, shall we?  And this time like you mean it.”

Kris shuddered and took the advice, twining his hands in Adam’s hair and kissing him more fiercely. Adam wrapped his arms tightly around Kris, lifted him up to his toes and kissed him back like he was trying to get every last bit of chocolate out of a pudding cup with his tongue. Kris moaned deeply as Adam tasted every inch of that sweet, sweet mouth.

“That,” Adam said breathing heavily a few minutes later, “was much better.”

“Fuck,” said Kris, equally winded.

“We should probably go inside if we’re going to do that,” he teased.

Kris chuckled and led them inside. “I take it you didn’t walk here.”

“No. Ali dropped me off since I left my car here that night.” Had they really reached that topic so soon? Can we please go back to the kissing?

Kris took his hand and pulled him down to the couch. “Adam, where did you go? I was so worried about you.”

Adam felt the shame rising up again. “Ali came and picked me up. I stayed with her for a few days. I…I’m really sorry, it was stupid to run out like that.”

“No! I’m not blaming you. What I’m trying to say here is…I really care about you and that’s why I was so worried, okay, it’s not your fault…if anything it’s m--”

“There is no way you could have known.”

Kris sighed. “That’s exactly what Alisan said.”

“She’s a smart girl, Ali.” Adam was feeling very uncomfortable with this kind of open talk with another man. Even though it was Kris.  You just need to practice, right? That’s what Ali said.

“Adam, I’m so sorry about…about what happened to you,” Kris said sadly.

“I don’t want your pity, Kris!” he said sharply and stood up, beginning to pace. Fuck…fuck! I can’t do this. He sat down again and leaned over, trying to kiss him again, but Kris pulled away.

“I have an idea. How about you sing me something?  You have such an incredible voice,” he said, getting up and walking into his bedroom. He came back out pulling a t-shirt over his head. “I’ll even accompany you.”

Shit. He’s onto me, and there goes that beautiful naked chest. Damn. But you want this…remember? Normal people don’t use sex like a drug. Adam breathed deeply into his stomach, trying to quell the feeling of panic that had started to surface a minute ago. “Okay…yeah, that sounds good. What should I sing?”

“Whatever you want.” Kris sat down on the piano bench, pushed pack the fallboard and ghosted his fingers lightly over the keys.

Adam thought for a moment, and then it came to him. “Do you know ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction?’” he asked with a sly grin.

Kris burst into laughter, nodded, and began to play. Adam walked over and stood next to the piano, waited a few bars and then jumped in. He poured out all the nervous energy he’d been feeling into the song, and soon they were both into it, rocking out and starting to improvise here and there.

When they’d had enough of messing around with riffs and lyrics, they let the song fade out, chuckling together. “That was fun!” Adam said, looking surprised and bright eyed.

“It was. You are an amazing vocalist, Adam. Were did you learn to sing like that?”

“Oh, well I had lessons, you know, a long time ago,” he said with a mixture of pride and embarrassment.

Kris just beamed at him. “Okay, now it’s my turn.” His slender fingers pressed the keys softly and then he began to sing.

I don't know you

But I want you

All the more for that

Words fall through me

And always fool me

And I can't react

And games that never amount

To more than they're meant

Will play themselves out

Oh my god. Adam felt his heart clench in his chest.

Take this sinking boat and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You've made it now

It’s too much. His eyes were watering despite himself. No, you’re not going to cry.

Falling slowly, eyes that know me

And I can't go back

Moods that take me and erase me

And I'm painted black

Kris stood up from the piano, turned to face Adam, and sang the last lines a cappella.

You have suffered enough

And warred with yourself

It's time that you won

I’m not going to survive this. He felt steady hands on his cheeks, angling his head downward until their lips touched softly, briefly. Kris stroked Adam’s face with the side of one hand and then looked deeply into his eyes. This is…I don’t know how… He must have looked scared, because Kris changed his tactics immediately. His eyes shifted from meaningful and tender to lustful in a heartbeat.  He bent his head and licked a broad stripe right were he had once bitten Adam. Adam felt himself respond instantly. This I know how to do.

Adam sat down on the piano bench, pulled Kris onto his lap and began to roll his hips upwards in steady circles.

Kris groaned, wrapped his arms and legs around Adam and ground down, seeking friction and rhythm. Adam put his hands on those firm ass cheeks and sped up his movements.

“Wait…wait,” Kris said breathlessly, “I want to…” He slid down to the floor onto his knees and put both hands on Adam’s thighs. Adam felt his thighs being pushed apart very slowly, as if Kris was waiting to be stopped. Like you would stop him...world-class cocksucker, remember? Kris leaned in, covered Adam’s bulge with his warm mouth and just breathed, open-mouthed; hot air on the exhale, cool when he inhaled, over and over until Adam couldn’t take it anymore.

He pushed Kris’ head up and looked down at the button of the no-sex pants, which were about to be deflowered. You can do this. “Do it, Kris. You can…” He indicated the button with a nod.

Kris gently unfastened it, looking into Adam’s eyes the whole time. “Should I keep going?” he asked.

This is okay. I’m going to get a seriously good blowjob from a blazing hot man. “Yes, don’t stop.” Kris's gaze never wavered as he unzipped Adam’s fly tooth by tooth. This is kind of…sexy.

When Kris had finally exposed Adam’s boxer briefs, he leaned in again and touched the very tip of his tongue to the growing wet spot that darkened the light blue cotton. He flicked his tongue. Adam’s hips jerked involuntarily. Jesus! He felt Kris’s mouth close around the tip of his head through the fabric and suck lightly. Give it up, Lambert, you know you want to…just let him take control…just give it up for a few minutes.

Adam gripped the waistband of his jeans and briefs, lifted his hips and pushed them down all the way to his knees. Kris glanced at Adam briefly for confirmation and then pulled his pants off completely.

And then Kris was staring, jaw hanging slightly open. Obviously he’d seen Adam’s dick before, but he hadn’t seen him quite so exposed.

Okay…it’s good, it’s all good. Adam had been stared at by countless men, but it had never made him blush until now. He tried to summon his confidence. “I know you can open that gorgeous mouth of yours even wider,” he smirked and stroked himself once.

“You asked for it,” Kris retorted with a sexy grin that almost made Adam want to kiss him again right now…almost. He ran his fingertips lightly on the inside of Adam’s thighs all the way to his balls and then graced them with his nails.

Adam shivered and wove his hands into Kris’ slightly damp hair. Deep brown eyes gazed up at him and then Kris placed a feather-light kiss right at the base of his cock and kneaded his thighs. Adam’s dick jumped and started leaking even more. He was already starting to breathe shallowly.  Shit…he’s barely even started!

Kris began a series of torturous licks and kisses on his inner thighs and then cupped and gently squeezed his sac. He ran his tongue around and around Adam’s balls and then sucked one into his mouth. Adam moaned softly, unable to help himself. He was usually quiet and in control, used to making other men whimper, pant and call out his name.

Adam watched as Kris’s lips moved slowly to the head of his cock and hovered millimeters from it, teasing it with hot breath. “Kris,” Adam said gritting his teeth, “you’re killing me here.”

Kris chuckled and lowered his mouth down around the head, exploring the slit in the center with his tongue. He tightened his lips and moved them up and down over the ridge while tonguing the patch of skin below it. Fuck…fuck…fuck… “Fuck!”

Sticking his tongue all the way out, Kris enveloped Adam’s shaft with his mouth. He kept going until Adam felt his cock bump the back of Kris’ throat. “Oh…oh my g--” he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and leaning his head back. Adam couldn’t even pretend to be in control anymore as Kris wrapped his lips firmly around Adam’s length and popped them up over the head and down to the base slowly and repeatedly. “Kris…Kris…shit…” he panted, gripping Kris’ hair tightly.

“Mmmm,” Kris hummed. Adam felt the vibrations and gave a huge shudder in response. He opened his eyes when he felt the cool air on his dick. Kris stared Adam down and stroked him quickly with his hand, squeezing at the bottom with every pass and using his other hand to tease Adam’s balls. Adam let out a garbled sound from the back of his throat and knew that he was not going to last much longer.

“Holy mother of…Kris!…I’m…”

Kris suddenly stopped his hands and grasped the base firmly, a sinful smile playing on his lips.

“Fuck!” Adam shouted again, shaking from head to toe. He looked at Kris in wonder. Goddamn!

Kris just smiled innocently and resumed ravaging Adam’s cock with his mouth and lips, then used his hand to draw it even further into his mouth. Adam was right on the edge again. He dug his fingernails in deep and began yanking at Kris’ hair. Kris clamped his mouth down and sucked hard as he moved his hand faster, faster, faster...

“Oh…oh…ohhmyygod!” Adam cried and flung himself backwards, hitting the piano keys with his shoulders and making a loud chorus of jangled notes ring out.

Chapter 12

The dissonant notes hung in the air for a few seconds before fading away.

Kris wiped a dribble of cum off his chin with a finger and sucked on it, looking very pleased with himself.

Adam sat up on the bench and stared speechlessly at the man who had just given him the single most erotic experience of his life. No one had ever been so attentive in pleasing him; no one had ever made him let go like that. He felt a white-hot flame of desire burning throughout his body, a fire so scorching that he thought his bones would melt from it. Never had he wanted anything or anyone as much as he wanted Kris in that moment.

He sprang from the bench and tackled Kris to the floor with his entire body, pawing, kissing, licking and biting every inch of skin he could reach. Kris groaned loudly under him, clutching his back and hair. But it wasn’t enough. Get them off…got to fucking get them off! He was frantic with need, hands trembling so hard that he couldn’t even handle the simplicity of Kris’ shirt.

Kris came to the rescue and pulled his shirt over his head, only getting it half way off before Adam attacked him again. In between bites and kisses, Kris pushed down his pajama pants and kicked them off.

Adam sat back for a moment, shaking. Insane, this is fucking insane…I’m completely out of control here. But he couldn’t help it. He was rock hard again, on fire, and the only one that could quench the flames was Kris.

“Are…you…okay?” Kris panted.

“I need you,” was all he could manage before falling on Kris again, kissing his face, his neck, his nipples, his knees…everywhere except his cock, which he stroked instead. Soon, I’ll get there soon. Kris didn’t seem to mind at all; he was completely falling apart under Adam, voice growing hoarse with moans and cries, body writhing on the floor as if he were in pain.

“I need you…now,” Adam pleaded urgently.

“Fuck, Adam! Take me already before I die here!” Kris shouted.

In his desperation, Adam almost forgot to use a condom. He was all lined up and ready to go when he remembered. “Shit!” He scrambled for his pants. “I can’t…help me!”

Kris quickly pulled out a condom and the lube, tore open the packet and prepped Adam. Then, as if he could sense what Adam needed, he lay back on the floor and bent his knees, pulled them up to his chest and spread his legs as wide as he could.

Adam clambered on top of Kris and drove into him, his hips thrusting wildly. He put his hands on Kris’ knees and pushed them back until his toes touched the floor above his head.

He pounded Kris into the floor, driven crazy with lust like a feral animal, unable to speak or make any sounds other than his painfully labored breathing. He clenched Kris’ cock and pumped it furiously. It only took a few strokes before Kris’ entire body tensed and he came hard all over his stomach, crying out Adam’s name.

Adam’s body was dripping with sweat as he thrust once more, bit down on his tongue and emptied himself with a strangled sob, his eyes glassy with tears. He collapsed on top of Kris, shaking and heaving for breath. A single tear fell onto Kris’ shoulder.

“Adam.” Kris lifted a hand and wiped another tear from Adam’s cheek.

Adam couldn’t speak. He just lay there shivering on top of Kris, arms and legs spread eagle. He felt dizzy and scared at the intensity of what had just occurred.

“Adam,” Kris repeated with concern. He tried to move but Adam’s dead weight was pinning him to the floor. Flexing his arm muscles, he pushed Adam’s shoulders straight up and rolled him onto his side. Then Kris wrapped his arms tightly around him and started stroking his hair reassuringly.

What the fuck was that! Adam suddenly felt like bolting up from the floor and running as fast as he could back to his apartment, his sanctuary. At the same time, he found that he was enjoying the sticky warmth of Kris’ body pressed against his back and was comforted by Kris’ hand in his hair. The two feelings battled within him until the urge to run gradually abated. His eyes became drowsy and without thinking about it, he snuggled back into Kris. He feels so nice.

“We can’t stay here,” Kris said softly, “Matt is going to be home soon.”

But Adam didn’t want to move now that he was so comfortable and tired. “Don’t care,” he grumbled.

“Come on, cutie.” Kris got up and tried to pull Adam up with him.

“M’kay.” Adam said, rising to his feet and smacking his lips sleepily.

Kris took his hand and Adam followed him to his bedroom, dragging his feet as exhaustion set in. The last thing he remembered before he fell asleep in the small bed was the feel of Kris’ lips on his forehead.

***

Before Adam even opened his eyes, he knew that he was not in his own bed. Don’t panic…you’re in Kris’ bed…but don’t panic…it’s going to be okay…don’t panic. He felt his heart speed up despite his efforts to calm down. Wait a minute…where is he? Adam suddenly realized that he was alone in the bed. He opened his eyes and sat up, looked around, and saw by the clock on the wall that it was 10pm. The bedroom door was closed and the room was warm and silent.

Then the sound of soft, steady breathing reached his ears. He looked over the side of the bed and saw Kris curled up in a nest of blankets on the floor. At the sight of him lying there, Adam felt a lump form in his throat. God, you are such a baby these days…so weak. But something painful was taking place in Adam’s heart.

Everything Kris was doing made Adam want to trust him, but the thought of letting him in was absolutely terrifying. Even though he didn’t think that Kris would hurt him on purpose, the broken record still played in his head. Trusting makes you weak, vulnerable…trust equals pain, weakness equals pain.  For years these words had been his mantra and he thought they had served him well, but he looked at Kris again and thought that maybe he’d been missing out.

Trust. A few hours ago he’d completely put himself at Kris’ mercy and then lost control altogether in the frighteningly intense and hedonistic sex that followed. What the fuck was that? He remembered crying near the end of it; the whole thing still felt like a mystery to him. And then he cuddled me. And I liked it. And now I’m in his bed. He groaned out loud and put his head in his hands.

“Adam?” a groggy voice said from the floor.

Reach out to him…you can do it…this is what normal people do.

Before he could change his mind, Adam leaned over and grasped Kris’ hand, then pulled him onto the bed. They shifted around in the small space until Kris was snuggled into Adam’s arms. This is good. This is…better. He felt more manly and strong holding Kris.

“Kris?”

“Hmmm?”

“Thank you for…” For giving me the best blowjob in the history of sex. For letting me fuck you like an animal. For holding me. For sleeping on the floor. For being patient and understanding. “For being you.” Oh my god, Lambert, that was the lamest, cheesiest, most Hollywood movie thing to say. His only excuse was that he had no experience in this area.

Kris just smiled and kissed Adam on the cheek.

“Kris?”

“Hmmm?”

“I…I can’t stay here tonight.” Why is this so fucking hard?

“I know. It’s okay, really, but thank you for this.” He burrowed himself deeper into Adam’s embrace and sighed contentedly.

I like this. Maybe tomorrow we can…oh no!  Adam had just remembered what day it was.

“Kris?”

“Hmmm?”

“I have to work tomorrow night.” He felt Kris stiffen in his arms. Shit. How is this going to work? Adam had been fucking random strangers for years and he wasn’t sure he knew how to stop. You have to…you can’t mess this up. “I’m not going to…I won’t…”

Kris sat up and turned to look at Adam, clearly worried. “Can you promise me that?”

“I…” Shit!

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that,” Kris said sadly, “I know it wasn’t fair. I just hoped that I was, well, more than just a good fuck.”

“You are, Kris…you’re a superb fuck,” he teased, “but you’re also more than that. Look, it’s obvious that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. All I know is that I want to be with you…that I want to, you know, make this work somehow.” There. I said it.

Kris smiled brightly. “You do?”

“Yes.”

Kris' bright smile became like the sun. I put that smile there! In fact, Adam felt like he never wanted to do anything to make it disappear ever again. “I know! How about you come to the club tomorrow to watch my set? Then I can have my way with you after I’m done singing,” he smirked.

Kris’ breath hitched and then he threw his arms around Adam and kissed him fiercely.

“You know,” Adam said, drawing back and grinning wickedly, “I don’t have to hurry off just yet.  How about I have my way with you right now?”

Kris looked at him with those deep brown eyes and licked his lips.

Two hours later Adam was back at his apartment, feeling spent but happy. Happy? Yeah…I’m happy. He grinned and headed to the bathroom. Guess I can’t call these ‘no-sex’ pants anymore. The thought occurred to him that he might need to go shopping for more pairs of regular pants, since most of the ones he owned had been custom made. As he showered, he thought about how much his life was about to change and it scared him more than he wanted to admit.

***

The next day Adam woke up to his stomach rumbling loudly. It was ten o’clock on Friday morning. He got out of bed and went into his small kitchen, but was annoyed to find that he had run out of wheat bread. I’ve got to do some shopping. Adam’s regular routine had been seriously disrupted this week and he had completely neglected things like shopping, laundry and keeping his apartment neat. Plus, he couldn’t even remember the last time he was in the studio. It was disconcerting; routines helped him feel in control of his life. He vowed to catch up on everything today and to spend some time recording.

After stocking up at Whole Foods and throwing a load of clothes in the washer in his bathroom, Adam finally sat down in his studio.  All of the songs he was working on reflected the personality that he showed the outside world. Adam frequently used singing as therapy when he was struggling, but he never recorded any of that.

As 5pm drew nearer, Adam felt satisfied that he had accomplished everything he’d planned for today, and he allowed himself to relax a bit before starting on his regular pre-work routine. He walked into his bedroom and got on his hands and knees to reach under the bed. After a minute of groping around, his hand finally landed on a small wooden box. It had belonged to his grandfather, who had died before Adam was born. His mother had given it to him after he had finally been released from the hospital all those years ago; she told him to put happy memories in it. At the time, Adam had been certain that the box would be empty for the rest of his life.  Of course, he had also planned not to be around long enough to put anything in it anyway.

Adam sat down on his bed and traced the intricate patterns worked into the wood with his thumbs. Even though he had met Kris only three and a half weeks ago, he knew in his heart that the two things in that box belonged there.

He lifted the lid slowly and caressed the silky cloth inside. After the numerous times he had masturbated with it, he had decided to wash the tie before putting it in the box. Kris’ necklace with the small note pendant lay coiled up beside it. He looped a finger through the cord and pulled it out. Holding it up in the air before him, Adam silently thanked the universe for the existence of Macy’s.

***

Damn it, I should have left myself more time! A pair of regular pants and a pair of sex pants lay side by side on Adam’s bed; he had been trying to decide which to wear for about fifteen minutes. He was behind schedule and thoroughly irritated about it. Even though he knew he was going to be with Kris after the show, he didn’t want to ruin his image by appearing different in any way. In the end, he put on the sex pants and decided he would teach Kris how to get into them tonight. Tonight…Adam was undecided about where to take Kris after his set was over: the sex room or his apartment? He gritted his teeth in frustration, weighing the options. The sex room was only about sex and Kris was more to him than that. But his apartment… To Adam, letting Kris back into his bed on purpose was almost the equivalent of letting him in emotionally. When he went downstairs at seven o’clock, he still didn’t know what to do.

Adam was rattled. He was sitting at the bar, munching on a small dinner and looking around the room. As usual, no one tried to talk to him; the aura of mystery and inapproachability was one he had worked hard to achieve and it was very effective. Thirty minutes until he had to be on stage, and without indulging in his normal habit of evaluating potential targets, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Even though he knew it was irrational, he felt exposed somehow. To make things worse, he was still agonizing over where to take Kris later. That is, if Kris showed up at all.

Only fifteen minutes to go, where is he? For such a seemingly self-confident man, Adam was really quite insecure and he could not fathom why Kris wanted him. You’re just a damaged fucking whore, Lambert, any man in their right mind would run screaming from a relationship with you. Despite Kris’ obvious dedication, Adam couldn’t help but feel that it was too good to be true.

Ten minutes. He’s not coming…he’s finally realized what a freak you are and changed his mind. Five minutes. But I was going to let him take off my sex pants. Adam heard his name being announced and made his way to the stage, trying not to let his pout show. The crowd cheered madly and all the short, brown-haired, brown-eyed men tried to look their sexiest.

He took his place center stage and checked the audience again for Kris. Disappointment and sadness coursed through him when he saw no sign of that beautiful face. See, I told you so. Pull yourself together…you’ve got a show to do. After a few deep breaths he began his first number, a catchy tune that clashed with his mood. He made a small bow when it was over and when he raised his head…Kris! There he was, pushing his way through the bodies, trying to get closer to the stage.

Adam was so elated that he couldn’t contain a beaming smile directed at Kris. The other men looked curiously at the man shoving them out of his way.

After Kris’ arrival, it was all Adam could do not to jump off the stage and to hell with singing tonight. He couldn’t wait to feel his body, to hear his voice, to see his smile. And he’s here…he really wants to be with me after all.

By the time the show was over, Kris had only managed to get half way to the stage. It seemed that a group of men were stubbornly refusing to let him pass, as if they knew that he was a threat to their chances. Adam didn’t care. He bowed quickly and made a direct path to Kris. The men parted before him like some scene from a movie.

“Come on,” Adam said when he reached his goal.

Kris smiled deviously at him and then whispered in his ear, “let’s go to the back room. I want them to see us go in there together and I want them to hear us fuck…loudly.”

Adam stared at him. Little rabbit my ass! This is going to be one hot mother fucking night.

Chapter 13

Kris did not like the way all those men were staring at Adam…my Adam…or the way they had tried to stop him from reaching the stage. Ha! I’ll show them. I hope they even listen at the door! He gripped Adam’s hand possessively as they walked to the back room and felt smug knowing that numerous curious and jealous eyes were watching them.

Adam stopped right outside the room. “Kris, wait inside for me…I want to go get something, okay?” He unlocked the door, gave Kris a quick kiss and then left.

Okay, that was unexpected. He walked around the room a bit and spotted the desk in the corner. Smiling, he went over to it and ran his fingers across the smooth surface, remembering their first night together.

Adam returned with a blanket that Kris recognized at once as his bedspread. Wow. Kris had sensed that it was too soon for him to be allowed back in Adam’s apartment and he had no problem waiting, but this…He knew it was Adam’s way of showing some commitment.  He was moved and very turned on at the same time.

Adam spread the blanket down on the floor and looked at Kris nervously, as if he were wondering if he’d done the right thing. Kris closed the space between them and pressed his body to Adam’s, then rolled his hips and looked into that worried face with as much want as he could manage. Adam returned the look immediately, all confidence returned. He gripped Kris’ face and kissed him passionately while taking them down to the blanket. Yes please.

Kris lay back willingly and reveled in those freckled lips claiming him again and again. When the need for air became too great, they pulled apart and stared hungrily at each other. Adam propped himself up on one elbow, reached his hand down between Kris’ thighs and squeezed him firmly. His already stiff cock grew harder as Adam began to rub continuous circles over it. Kris closed his eyes and groaned, loudly. “Adam!” he cried out, hoping to make himself heard out in the hallway.

Adam snickered a little. “Trying to claim your territory?”

“You’re damn right I am.”

Adam grew serious and stopped his hand. “Kris, I…I want to show you something. I want to show you how to get into my pants,” he said with a bit of a laugh.

Is he saying what I think he’s saying? First the blanket and now this!   “Wow…are you sure?”

Adam rolled over onto his back. “Yes.”

The belt and buckle were easy enough, but after they were gone, it seemed that whatever mechanism was there was invisible.

Adam took Kris’ hand and brought it to the top of the waistband at his hip. He curved one of Kris’ fingers inside the band and Kris could feel a tiny little hook there. Adam pushed his finger down deeper inside and sure enough, there was a series of little hooks that went down about four inches.

“How on earth do you get these tiny things undone?” Kris asked, bewildered.

“Practice,” Adam smirked. “Go on, try it.”

Kris tried several times before he was successful with the first hook, but it took both of his hands to do it. After that, the rest were a little easier.

“Keep going. I want you to…undress me.” Adam looked a little scared.

“You don’t have to do this…it’s okay, really.” What if I make him have another flashback?

“No. I want you to, Kris, please. Just go slowly and I’ll be okay.”

Kris forgot about the people in the hallway. He was so touched by Adam’s show of trust that his eyes were getting misty. Leaving Adam’s pants for the moment, he gently, gradually pushed up his shirt until it was bunched under his chin. He traced his fingers over Adam’s chest and around his nipples. Adam shivered and nodded, indicating that he was ready for more.

Kris pulled the shirt over Adam’s head and arms until it was off. “Beautiful,” he whispered. Look at all those freckles. He went back those crazy pants and, with difficulty, peeled them off. More freckles. Kris couldn’t help but stare at Adam’s completely naked, utterly gorgeous body just lying there…for me.

“Kris, do something…please, kiss me or touch me…something…anything except biting.”

He feels exposed. Kris quickly shed his own clothing and lay down next to Adam, wrapping his right leg over him and placing tender kisses on his chest. Soon he got lost in kissing Adam’s body. He got up on his knees and started lapping at those freckles wherever he saw them, which was everywhere.

Adam shuddered and moaned, his voice reaching a higher pitch when Kris’ lips landed around his pulsing cock. “World-class,” he muttered, and started thrusting himself up into Kris’ mouth.

So good…I could do this all night. Kris loved the feel of Adam in his mouth, loved making him fall apart like this.

But it seemed that Adam had other plans. He pulled Kris on top of him until he was straddling him.

Kris wanted to surprise Adam too, just a little bit. He stuck his finger into his mouth and sucked on it until it was dripping wet. Throwing his best sex face at Adam, he reached behind and pushed a finger deep into his hole. He closed his eyes and arched back, fucking himself hard. Knowing that Adam was watching was so erotic that Kris forgot he was putting on a show. He brushed his prostate and groaned, then rocked faster and faster.

Suddenly Adam’s hands were on his hips. Kris opened his eyes and saw that the predator had returned. Adam touched the tip of Kris’ cock, looked at the pre-cum on his finger and then put it to his lips. “Oh my god,” Kris whimpered. And then in that Adam’s-limbs-were-made-to-manhandle-Kris way, he was on his back in a flash, Adam hovering over him and looking like a ravenous wolf.  “You are a sexy beast,” he growled, “but I’m bigger than you.” And with that, he sank his teeth into Kris’ shoulder.

Yes…mark me, claim me…I’m yours. “I’m yours, Adam,” he moaned, “take me…fuck me…I’m yours.”

Adam flipped him so he was on his hands and knees and then reached over to his pants for the seemingly inexhaustible supply of condoms. Kris expected to feel Adam’s dick in him, but instead he felt a long finger. He looked back over his shoulder.

“Taking over for you, my sexy little rabbit beast,” Adam leered. Kris chuckled, but his laugh quickly turned into a moan as Adam touched that spot inside that made his head swim with pleasure, over and over again, then added another finger without skipping a beat.

I could come just like this. There was only a split second between the loss of Adam’s fingers and the fullness of his cock stretching into Kris. I’m so ready…so ready… But then his arms were pulled out from under him and pinned to his sides. He caught his breath, thinking that he was going to crash to the floor onto his face, but Adam wrapped his strong arms completely around Kris’ chest and arms, pulled him back onto his lap and thrust up into him forcefully. Kris cried out as Adam locked them together and pounded into him from the bottom. “Fuck me, Adam! Do it harder!”

“Oh god…oh…Kris!” He ramped up his speed to a dizzying pace and started biting Kris’ shoulders without mercy. Kris wrenched his arms free, gripped Adam’s thighs and impaled himself back onto Adam again and again.  Their knees spread wider and wider on the blanket until he could feel Adam’s balls slapping into him with every thrust.

Adam yanked Kris’ hand away from his thigh and Kris felt his own hand around his throbbing cock, covered by Adam’s, making him stroke himself feverishly until he drooled and babbled incoherently.

“Kris!…I can’t hold off…I…” Adam wailed and let out a high, loud, moan that pierced the air.

“Come!” Kris shouted over Adam’s cry, and threw his head back in ecstasy onto the shoulder behind him as his orgasm erupted throughout his body, igniting every nerve as hot waves of cum spilled onto their joined hands and landed on the blanket.

Adam’s howling moan continued to draw out, echoing against the walls of the sex room, then it jumped an octave as if he were singing it; he gave a last almighty thrust and clenched his whole body around Kris, crushing him to his chest as he came.

Gradually Adam’s wail faded away into whimpers and mewling little cries. Without pulling out, he rolled them onto their sides and draped a corner of the blanket over their spent and shaking bodies.

Kris knew in his heart that they’d just taken their relationship to a new level. He’s starting to trust me. He sank further into his Adam-cocoon and listened to the sound of their heartbeats slowing down.

“Kris?”

“Yeah, baby.” Oops.

But either Adam didn’t mind or just decided to ignore the term of affection. “What do we do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…we’re…boyfriends now, right?” He sounded a bit anxious about this.

Kris squeezed Adam’s hand. “I hope we are, because I don’t do this with friends,” he chuckled.

Adam laughed, too and Kris could feel it all over his body.

“I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 19 years old, and…let’s just say that it didn’t go well and…”

Kris just ran a thumb over Adam’s hand and listened.

“…and I really don’t know how to do this,” he finished, sounding very embarrassed.

“I think you’re doing just fine, and we’ll figure it out together, okay? Don’t worry.”

Adam sighed deeply and they lay in silence for a minute. “I can’t feel my left arm anymore,” he giggled, and Kris felt his heart melting. How can he be so cute and so sexy at the same time?

Kris snorted. “Well I’m enjoying my Adam-cocoon right now.  Besides, I can’t seem to move unless you do first.”

“Mmm, I kind of like that, my little rabbit,” Adam breathed into his ear.

“Rabbit, huh?” Kris smirked, trying not to be turned on, “is that a challenge?”

“Maybe, although I have to admit that you’re a very feisty rabbit. And I like my men with a little spunk…I mean…” Adam’s voice lost its playful tone and he fell silent.

“What’s the matter?”

“You’re not going to be able to come here every night I work, are you?” It was more of a statement than a question. He pried them apart, cum smeared and sticking everywhere, and started to get dressed, looking upset.

Oh god, I don’t know if I could handle it if that happened again, especially now. “Of course I can. Even when I have school I’m done by nine.  I can get here just before your set ends. Do you…do you need me to?”

Adam nodded, eyes solemn. “I wish I didn’t. Not that I don’t want you, like, all the time anyway, but…” Suddenly he jumped up and started pacing angrily. “Fuck! I hate this!” He kicked at the blanket, pulled Kris up roughly by the arms and kissed him, hard.

Kris let himself be kissed briefly and then drew back. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t do this…I’m sorry, Kris, I thought I could but it’s too fucking hard!” Adam said loudly and resumed his pacing.

Kris felt his a very familiar ache beginning to pierce his heart. No! I’m not going to stand by and let this happen. I won’t. Still naked, he stood up and walked into Adam’s path. “Stop. Look at me.”

Adam came to a halt, fists clenched and teeth grinding.

“What do you want?”

“You! I want you!” he yelled.

“You have me. What’s so hard about that?”

“Because I don’t want to need you! I don’t need anybody!” He grabbed up his blanket and started for the door, dragging it behind him.

NO! Kris dashed to the door and stood in front of it with his arms crossed.

“Get out of my way, Kris.” Adam’s voice was low and hard now, his face a mask of anger.

“No.”

“I’m not fucking around! Move!” he said, voice rising again.

“Make me. I’m not giving up on you this easily.”

“Oh yeah? What if I want you to?”

Okay that stung, but he’s in pain…he doesn’t mean it. “You don’t.”

“How the fuck do you know what I want?” he argued, now two feet away from Kris.

“Because, you beautiful idiot, you just told me that you wanted me,” Kris said, smiling, and reached out to stroke his face.

Adam’s eyes went wide and he sucked in a sharp breath. He dropped his blanket and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. Shit. I told you, I warned you that I’m totally clueless about this…this…I’m just messed up,” he said, looking completely miserable all of a sudden.

“I wouldn’t have you any other way,” said Kris softly, and pulled Adam by the hips until their foreheads were touching. He gazed into Adam’s eyes and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

“Don’t leave me,” Adam said with a tiny voice.

“I won’t,” Kris whispered.

They kissed again, slowly and tenderly this time. The minutes passed quietly and the only sounds were their lips and tongues touching, exploring, and tasting each other.

After a while, Kris began to shiver in his nakedness. Adam bent down and picked up the blanket, wrapped it around both of them and hugged Kris to his body.

Chapter 14

“You have a boyfriend now,” Adam said to himself in the mirror, “so that means no more fucking around.” He ruffled up the back of his hair and pulled a few strands into place. They’ll just have to learn to deal with it. His eyes creased with worry. But what if it costs me my job? Adam had seen the less than happy look on the face of the club owner last night; the man counted on him to bring in the audience…you mean the men. He was sure that the news that he had taken Kris to the back room three nights in a row had traveled right to the top.

Yes, even if I lose my job. I’m a damn good singer…I can find another one. But was that true? He looked deeply into his own eyes. Maybe I’m only good for sex. Adam knew that this line of thinking was irrational. Alisan, his family, previous employers…all of them had praised his talent and even he knew he was good, but the past year had just seemed to reinforce his secret fear that he had only one special skill to offer the world: a good fuck.

Before he had worked at the club, Adam had jumped from one odd job to another while performing on the side and had fed his sex addiction by picking up guys at random bars and clubs. How did it end up like this? He tried to remember the day he’d realized that he could work and get his fixes at the same place. Goddamn owner hinted at it, didn’t he, the fucker knew it was a golden opportunity after he saw me do it the first few times, and how quickly the word spread about me. He sighed and continued to apply his eyeliner. “Stop thinking about this,” he said to his reflection, “it’s not helping.”

Adam was nervous about his date with Kris tonight. It was Monday, so they had planned for a late dinner since Kris had school until nine. It seemed ridiculous to be nervous at this point, but Adam knew that in the absence of sex, there would be a lot of talking and it would probably get personal. What’s the big deal? But he knew the answer. Personal questions were dangerous in many ways: it made the other guy more real and it allowed other people to know Adam better, something that had only led to betrayal and pain in the past.  Worst of all, it lured Adam’s brain into remembering things that were better left in the past.

He finished up his makeup and added a few sprays of Dior Homme to complete the package, wanting to impress even though he knew that Kris liked him for more than his outer appearance. Why, though? What does he see in me? Mystified, he shook his head and felt blessed that he’d been lucky enough to find a man like Kris. He thought of the tie and the necklace laying hidden in the box under his bed and grinned.

The restaurant was easy enough to find, a small Thai place set on a quiet street where there were always good specials. Adam parked and walked up to the door, smoothing down his shirt over his regular pants and fidgeting with his keys. There he is. Look at him…so gorgeous, sitting there and waiting for me, his boyfriend.

Kris saw him and stood up from the small booth. As Adam walked over, he suddenly wondered how he was supposed to greet Kris in this situation. A hug, a kiss…nothing? Christ, how old are you again? Fortunately, Kris did not seem to have the same problem and he walked right up to Adam and planted a wet kiss on his lips.

“Hi,” Kris said, eyes shining.

Adam beamed at him. “Hi, yourself.”

They sat down and stared at each other with dopey grins for a minute, Adam still playing with his keys under the table.

“I brought this for you,” Kris said, pulling a CD out of his coat pocket. "It’s a copy of my demo, and, well…” he trailed off uncertainly.

Adam took it, feeling a mixture of wariness and excitement. Very personal, and he’ll want to know what I think of it…but he’s so talented, that’ll be easy! “Wow thanks! That’s really…I mean I’m sure it’s incredible.”

“I can’t wait to hear what you think of it, especially since your such a gifted artist.”

Adam didn’t know what to say to that, so he picked up his menu and started perusing it. Fuck…why is sex so much easier than simple conversation? He remembered their first “date” at the sushi restaurant, which had started off awkwardly but turned out to be easy when Kris had started talking about himself. Adam decided to try that again after they ordered their food.

“So, uh, what’s it like in Arkansas?” he asked after their server left.

“Hmm…well the people are sweet where I grew up, but everyone knows you so you don’t have a lot of privacy.” He laughed, “hell, most of my neighbors knew I was gay before I did…of course they never said anything because they were either too shocked or too polite.”

Adam chuckled. He’s so adorable. “Tell me more.”

Kris went on about his hometown and how there was only a gas station to hang out at until they’d moved to Conway. He told a funny story about how his brother had slid down their banister and right out the door as his mom was bringing in groceries. A little later, he talked about his first real boyfriend in high school when things were awkward but sweet.

See? This isn’t so hard.

“…and well, that was the last of the good times for a while.”

“Why?” Adam asked, “What do you mean?”

Kris looked unhappy for the first time this evening. “Let’s just say I’ve had a fair share of heartbreaks over the years.”

“You? No way…why would anyone break your heart? Shit, you’re such a nice guy but you know what you want, and you’re drop dead sexy. A guy would have to be crazy not to want you.”

“I haven’t always known what I wanted, Adam…not until now anyway,” he said, staring hotly into Adam’s eyes.

He couldn’t help himself. “Why?”

Kris’ brow furrowed. “Why what?”

“Why do you want me, Kris?”

Kris smiled, reached over the table and took Adam’s hands in his. “Because you’re like a beautiful, happy child who giggles and a strong sexy man who can drown me with one look. Because you sing like an angel. Because your freckles drive me insane with desire. Because you tied me up and fucked me inside out. Because you shared your blanket with me. Because you’re scared and you’re here anyway.”

Adam felt his eyes grow wider and wider as Kris spoke. Oh my god…oh fuck… He wanted to run away screaming and pounce on Kris at the same time.

Kris pulled at Adam’s hands until their lips were an inch apart. “Because you make me know what I want.”

Adam’s breath caught in his throat and he closed the gap between their lips with enough force that he had to grab Kris’ shoulders to keep him from falling away.

“Ahem. Gentlemen…your food,” said the server.

“Damn,” Adam mumbled against Kris’ mouth.

Kris chuckled and pulled away. “Seriously, kissing you is so much better than Pad Thai.”

The man set down their plates and left.

“If this keeps up, I’m going to start bringing a ‘do not disturb’ sign with me when we go out,” Adam complained.

“I dare you to,” Kris laughed, starting in on his food.

“Is that so?” A sly smile played on Adam’s lips. “I’d be careful if I were you. I never back down from a dare.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“Oh yeah?” Kris countered with a wicked smile of his own. “Well then I dare you to kiss me again, with lots of tongue, and say my name loud enough for the table across the room to hear it.”

Oh he is so asking for it. Feisty rabbit. “Fine.” Adam got up, went around to the other side of the booth and slid in next to Kris. He lost no time in kissing him fervently but also reached beneath the table and started rubbing Kris’ cock firmly through his khaki pants. Then Adam stopped kissing him and concentrated on making Kris come right here. Kris let out a husky moan; his head fell forward and he closed his eyes.

Adam didn’t care who was watching. He wanted the whole damned restaurant to know that Kris belonged to him. He angled his hand and quickened the pace while stealthily moving his other hand behind Kris’ ass without touching it. Kris was panting now, both hands clenched into fists on the table. Adam waited until he saw Kris’ body begin to seize and then he ran a finger right up the crack of his ass.

“Adam!” Kris shouted with an accompanying loud bang as his knees hit the underside of the table.

All the heads in the restaurant whipped around and looked at them with shocked and amused faces.

Oh…you play…dirty…you sexy…you evil…” Kris managed to say in between hitching breaths.

Adam snickered, pecked him on the cheek and returned to the other side of the booth. “I warned you,” he said smugly and picked up his fork. “Mmm, I do love eating out.”

Kris glared at him playfully, but the effect was lost because he was squirming around on his seat. “Excuse me while I go clean up the mess my boyfriend made,” he said, and hobbled to the bathroom amid stares and laughs.

I could get used to this.

Kris came back looking more put together. “Somehow I’m gonna figure out how to repay you for that hot little trick,” he said fondly, returning to his meal.

“Can’t wait to see you try,” Adam threw back with equal affection.

Kris chortled and continued eating. “So,” he began after taking a few bites, “we’ve spent the whole night talking about me and getting me all hot and bothered. Let’s talk about you.”

Adam groaned inwardly. You knew this would happen…suck it up, Lambert.

“What do you want to know?” he asked Kris hesitantly.

“Anything and everything,” Kris replied seriously, “but let’s start with how you got into singing.”

Shit. To anyone else, this would have been a harmless question, but for Adam, it was fraught with dangerous memories of high school. He would just have to skip over that, force himself to concentrate on the times before all of that happened. “Well I probably came out of my mother’s womb singing,” he said, trying to keep things light. “I was always listening to music, playing dress up and wailing at the top of my lungs as a kid. My parents encouraged me, got me into musical theater and lessons and stuff.” That should be enough.

“Musical theater?”

Fuck, I should have left that part out.

“Yeah,” Adam said causally, “you know, community theater mostly.”

“I bet you were great at it!” Kris exclaimed.

“I was okay.  I got some good parts.”

“Don’t be so modest. With talent like yours, I’m sure you stole the show every time. I bet you even did theater in high school, too. Probably blew their minds. Me? I was just some boring kid playing the viola in the orchestra pit. Adam?”

Don’t think about it…don’t think about it…remember what Sheila always told you and just try to concentrate on something else. Look at that cute guy over there staring at you. He’s got a sexy smile. 

“Are you okay?” Kris turned around in the direction Adam was staring and saw a man throw a flirtatious grin at their table. He turned back to Adam and studied him. “Did I say something wrong? You look terrified. Oh shit…I said something, didn’t I?”

You gotta get out of here. Make up some excuse and leave, go home. No! Coward! Pathetic sniveling baby! Be a man…he didn’t mean anything by it…he doesn’t know about that part. “It’s…it’s okay,” he gritted out and breathed into his belly, trying to fight the intense urge to run or go fuck someone, anyone.

Kris looked horrified with himself. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Whatever it was…”

“Forget it, Kris, can we just get out of here?” FUCK. I fucking hate this! I want to go home but I want to be with Kris. I can’t…shit! This is so confusing…what the fuck am I supposed to do?

“Absolutely.” Kris jumped up and hurried off to take care of the bill. He came back quickly and took Adam’s hand. “Come on.” He led them outside into the fresh air and Adam took some more deep breaths. “Where do you want to go?”

“Fuck,” he said shakily, “I don’t know…I don’t know.”

“Let’s just walk then for a bit, okay?”

Why is he talking to me like that? “I’m not a baby, Kris, I can take care of myself you know!” he snapped.

“I’m just trying to help,” Kris said softly, looking hurt now.

Stop freaking out or he’s going to leave you! Stop it! He’s just worried about you! And he shouldn’t have to be worried…grow the fuck up already! This shit happened years ago…HANDLE IT, Lambert! Adam squeezed his eyes shut, shook himself, and tried to make his voice calm. “I know you are.  Okay, fine…let’s walk.”

This is exactly the sort of thing that had happened when Adam had tried to date again after two years of therapy. Plus he’d had regular flashbacks, nightmares and terrible mood swings back then that most guys just couldn’t handle, and Adam hadn’t cared enough to try to work things out with them. Running and fucking…always running and fucking.

They walked in silence until Adam felt calm enough to take Kris’s hand. He smiled sheepishly at Kris. “I’m sorry.”

Kris stopped them on a street corner. “Look, I know this isn’t going to be a piece of cake for either of us, but I’m in it for the long haul now and…I know in my heart that you’re worth it. Just don’t run out on me, okay?”

He’s a fucking saint. You don’t even deserve a guy like him. “Okay.” Now you give him something. That’s how it works, right?  “Kris, I really want you to come to my apartment and I’m almost there.  I just need a little more time.”

“Thank you. I really needed to hear that,” Kris said, smiling happily.

They stood on the corner and kissed for a while, arms wrapped tightly around each other. The autumn wind started to pick up and they pressed their bodies closer.

Adam felt the warmth of Kris against him and thought about how much he loved this time of year. “Hey!” he said suddenly with excitement, “I just remembered that this weekend is Halloween!”

“Yeah? What, you want to go trick or treating?” Kris teased.

Adam laughed. “No silly, but it’s my absolute favorite holiday. I love dressing up!” Okay, now this is a huge step. Think carefully…you’ve only been together a month, are you sure you’re ready for this? Yes.  Plus it will be worth it to see the look on their faces. “So, every year my family has this huge blow out costume party and it’s a riot and then me and my brother go club hopping and…do you wanna come? I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to and I know it’s really soon and all to meet my family and…”

“You’re babbling, gorgeous,” Kris said, putting a finger to Adam’s lips, “and I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he continued, and replaced his finger with his mouth.

Chapter 15

“Hello?”

God I love the sound of his voice. “Hi, gorgeous.” Kris shifted the phone to his other ear as he opened the fridge.

“Well hello my little rabbit! To what do I owe the pleasure of your sexy voice on this fine Thursday evening?” Adam replied cheerfully.

“I miss you. I mean we just saw each other last night, but…” Kris smiled, thinking about their most recent adventure at the club.

“I miss you, too, boyfriend. Tell me again why we decided not to see each other until tomorrow night?”

“Umm, you said something about having to see your mom tonight.”

“Oh right, yeah I do,” said Adam.  Kris could almost hear his pout. “So, you got your costume all ready for Saturday?”

“No, not yet.”

“You’re kidding! Kris, you’ve only got two days! What’s the holdup?”

I hope this doesn’t sound too weird. “Well I was wondering if I could maybe get Alisan’s phone number? I thought she might be able to help me with one.”

“I could help you, I’ve got tons of experience with costumes. Mmm, the idea of dressing you up is so hot.”

“But I want it to be a surprise for you,” he said feeling kind of shy. Kris hadn’t dressed up for Halloween since he was a kid and had no idea what to be.  Something sexy but not too risqué since he was going to meet Adam’s family.

“A surprise for me?” Adam said with glee. “Oh my god I can’t wait! This is going to be so much fun! Ali is going to love helping you I just know it! Okay, here’s her number, you ready?”

Kris chuckled at Adam’s childlike enthusiasm, wondering how many people got to witness it. “I’m ready.” He took it down on a scrap of paper and hung it on the fridge next to Adam’s number. The surface was fast becoming crowded with more notes than the green ‘K’ could hold.

“So how about later tonight we do a repeat of Tuesday?” Adam said, suddenly switching to a seductive voice.

Kris shivered. How does he do that? The night after their date at the Thai restaurant, he and Adam had such hot phone sex that Matt ended up yelling at him to shut up from the living room. Kris figured that Adam had never had phone sex before because he didn’t date, but he was a natural and Kris was eager to do it again.   “You’re on. What time?”

“How about ten?

Kris looked at the clock on the microwave: 6pm. “Sounds perfect. Time enough to eat and catch the first half of the game.” And Matt can just turn the volume up this time.

“I can’t believe you watch that shit.”

“Come on, it’s a great sport, plus…all those muscled men in skin tight pants, slapping each other’s asses all the time? Why do you think I started watching it in the first place?” he laughed.

“Good point.” Adam conceded.

Kris could tell that Adam was getting more comfortable with casual conversation and it made him happy, although they were careful to avoid any talk about high school or theater. He still didn’t know how that tied into the horrors of his past, but he felt sure that Adam would tell him someday.

“Okay, well I gotta go meet my mom, but I’ll call you later, sexy.”

“Can’t wait, beautiful.” They hadn’t settled on pet names yet, but it was fun to try them all out. They hung up and Kris resumed his search for dinner. “Matt, what the hell is this foil wrapped thing? It’s been in here for ages!”

“Dunno man, probably some leftover lunch from way back…you can toss it,” Matt replied from the living room. “So, was that lover boy on the phone?”

Kris joined Matt on the couch a minute later with a plate of cold pizza. “Yep. I got Alisan’s phone number so she can help me with my costume tomorrow.”

Matt chuckled. “You know, I wasn’t sure about this guy at first, what with all the drama and everything, but you seem really happy.”

“I am.”

“So when do I get to officially meet him?”

Huh. Probably not for a while because apparently I’m the only man on the planet that Adam spends any real time with besides his brother. “Um, I’m not really sure, but I’ll let you know.”

Matt huffed. “So what is your costume going to be anyway?”

“No idea. I was thinking maybe a fairy.” They looked at each other for a second and then burst into laughter, but then the pre-game commentary came on and they settled in to watch the game. At halftime Kris called Alisan, feeling a bit nervous. Adam had been right though; she was completed elated to come and help him tomorrow, but she was shocked that he’d waited until practically the last minute and hoped they could get him ready in time for Saturday. She was also surprised that Adam wanted Kris to meet his family so soon in their relationship.

It was 9:45 and Kris kept checking the clock every minute or so. Matt looked at him suspiciously. “Oh no, he’s going to call you and you guys are gonna…dude, I seriously cannot handle hearing those noises come out of your mouth again.”

“Then turn the volume up, because your delicate ears are so not coming in between me and my man.” Kris winked at Matt and went into his bedroom to wait. He played with his half of the tie, wrapping it around his wrists and remembering their first night together. This had become something of a habit for Kris; it made him sentimental and horny at the same time. His phone finally rang and he answered immediately.

“Hi.”

“Hey my sexy rabbit,” Adam purred.

Kris felt his dick respond at the mere sound of that voice. “How’s your mom?”

“We’re not going to talk about that now. We’re talking about something I’ve been fantasizing about doing to you.”

“Are we? I like the sound of that.”

“Lay down,” Adam commanded.

“I am.” Kris was on his back on the bed.

“Tell me what you’re wearing.”

“Those black pajama pants that you seem to like…and nothing else.”

“Mmm, I can see you right now…so sexy for me. Touch yourself…touch that beautiful cock of yours nice and slow.”

Kris began to rub the crotch of his pants in slow circles.

“Close your eyes, Kris. Imagine that I’m there next to you on that bed, that it’s my hand touching you right now,” Adam said softly.

Kris could easily envision this because he had done so almost every night since he met Adam.

“I’m leaning down between your legs now and you can feel my hot breath on you.”

Holy shit. If this is going where I think it’s going, Matt should probably just leave. Adam had never given Kris head. He understood why because of Adam’s past, and he had resigned himself to the fact that he might never feel those freckled lips around him. Maybe this is a sign that he’s ready. Just thinking about the possibility made him instantly hard and he moaned softly.

“That’s right, feel my mouth on your cock, warm and damp. My hands are on your hips now, tugging down your pants.”

Kris held the phone between his shoulder and his ear and pulled off the pajama pants.

“I’m about to put that tasty dick right into my mouth,” Adam went on, “my tongue is inches away from it,” he teased.

Kris slicked his length with pre-cum as he stroked himself, imagining Adam between his legs. “Yes…do it Adam…I want to feel you,” he groaned huskily.

“Feel me, baby, feel my lips around your cock, my tongue running up and down it as I suck…” Adam’s voice was getting breathy now.

“Adam…yesss!” Suddenly Kris heard the loud cheering of a football game in the background.

“Your wet cock is sliding in and out of my mouth…in and out…in and out…”

Kris moaned loudly and sped up his hand. He could see it; Adam’s head bobbing up and down, those full lips stretched tight around his hard cock.

“Faster…harder…” Adam panted, “you’re fucking my mouth now and I’m pulling you in…”

“Adam! Adam!” Kris cried out, furiously pumping his dick.

“You’re…so close now…you’re going to come right down my throat…”

“Yes, yes, yes……..fuck!” Kris shouted.

“That hot cum is slipping down my throat…I’m sucking you dry, Kris,” Adam said hoarsely.

Kris squeezed his eyes and shuddered, imagining Adam milking him as his cum spurted all over his hand and stomach.

There was only heavy breathing on the other end of the phone and then… “Oh… oh… oh god!”

The sound of Adam coming made Kris’ cock twitch even as it finished spending its load.

“That was so fucking hot,” Adam said, still panting.

“Ridiculously hot,” Kris breathed, chest heaving. His phone was slick with sweat in his hand. He could still hear the game commentator’s voice announcing the plays from the living room. Kris’ heart rate began to slow but he didn’t move, he just lay there listening to Adam breathe. “Adam…that was so incredible. Would you ever…” You shouldn’t ask him that.

“I want to, Kris. I’m working up to it.”

“Wow,” was all he could think of to say.

“Think you could handle it?” Adam taunted.

“It would probably kill me, but I’d go to heaven a happy, happy man,” Kris chuckled and then yawned.

“Sleepy already?”

“You wore me out without even being here. You have magic sex powers, what can I say?”

Adam laughed. “So did you call Ali?”

“Yup. She’s coming over tomorrow to help me.  She’s really excited. Adam…” Kris hesitated. Just ask him. “…are you sure about all this? I mean even Alisan was surprised that you wanted me to meet your family so soon.”

Adam didn’t respond right away. Crap…I shouldn’t have said anything.

“You know what, I’m not really sure about it, but I want to do it anyway.”

Wow, now that is a surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah. I…you…fuck,” Adam sighed heavily. “You mean a lot to me,” he rushed out.

Kris felt his throat tighten up and his eyes begin to water.

“Kris?” Adam said sounding worried.

“I’m here, Adam. I just…thank you. You mean so much to me, too,” he said with a sniff.

Adam cleared his throat. “Okay, enough of this sappiness. I’ve got jizz all over me and I need a shower. Have fun with Ali tomorrow and I’ll see you after my set.”

“Okay, baby…g’night,” Kris said, wiping his eyes and stifling another yawn.

“Night, gorgeous.”

Kris ended the call, pulled up his pants and dragged his ass to the bathroom in the hallway. “You can turn that down now,” he called loudly to Matt on his way.

***

Alisan came over at ten the next day lugging a huge suitcase and carrying a large plastic box. She set everything down and gave him a hug.

“Wow, are you sure we need all that?” Kris asked, staring at the luggage.

“Oh you bet. We’ll probably even need to go out and get some more stuff.”

“Umm, right…I’ll just leave it you, Alisan.”

“Call me Ali,” she said smiling.

Kris returned the smile. “Okay, I have to tell you that I’m a little worried, Ali. I mean, has Adam ever done this before?”

“Brought anyone home? No. Well, there were a few guys he dated in his junior year that his parents met, but they weren’t really serious.” She looked at him with concern. “You’re really special to him, you know, and he’s trying so hard…but I don’t think he realizes how difficult it might be to let you in so quickly.”

“I think he does. He said he wasn’t so sure about it, but he wanted to do it anyway. He said…he told me that I mean a lot to him,” Kris told her.

“Did he? Well then, maybe I’m not giving him enough credit.”

Then Kris voiced something that had been on his mind ever since Monday. “Don’t you think it’s a bigger deal for me to meet his family than for me to be in his apartment?”

Alisan looked at him kindly. “For someone else maybe, but to Adam, that apartment is his sanctuary, his safe haven.  He has complete control over it and who is allowed in it. It’s about trust…it would be like letting you in to his life completely.

So when he said he was almost ready to let me in his apartment…and he’s been bringing his bed blanket to the club room every time now… it must mean that he’s letting me in, just slowly.

“I think it will happen eventually for you,” she continued and patted his hand, “but when it does you can be sure that Adam will have carefully planned it all out, not like last time.  You know that was unintended, right?” she asked sympathetically.

“I do. Thank you for talking to me about this. I really appreciate it.”

“Your welcome, and just so you know, Adam has given me permission to talk to you about some of this stuff, and that is something you should really appreciate since he is such a private person.”

Kris nodded and he hugged her in thanks.

She hugged him back and then clapped her hands together, all business. “Okay, so do you have any ideas about what you want to be?”

“Not really. I don’t want it to be too crazy though since it’s a family party.”

“Oh my lord honey, you are in for a surprise. Adam’s mom will probably be showing more skin than I plan to,” she laughed. “They’re all very relaxed.”

“Ali, do they all know about what happened to Adam?” Kris asked seriously.

“Yes, they do…they’re a very tight bunch. Of course not everyone knows all the details, but they all know that Adam doesn’t date, so be prepared for some shocked faces tomorrow.”

“What? You mean none of them know I’m coming?”

“Well, he might have told his parents and his brother, but Adam is really different around his family -- a lot more like the kid he used to be, and I think he’ll probably find it really funny to surprise them with you.”

Great. That’s just great. I’m meeting Adam’s family for the first time at a Halloween party and I’m the surprise guest.

“Anyhow,” Alisan continued, “I assume that you’ll be club hopping with Adam and Neil afterwards so you need something really sexy.”

“Something that you think Adam will like,” said Kris. Something that will make him want to tear it off later.

“I’m sure he’ll like anything on you, but if you really want to get him all hot and bothered…” She opened the suitcase and pulled out a pair of large, dark red wings.

Oh my god. She has got to be kidding me. “Are you serious? You want me to wear…wings? I mean, I know I’m a fairy and all, but…”

Alisan chuckled. “An angel, Kris, you’re going to be an angel, a dark, sexy angel.”

Wait a minute, she brought those wings with her. “You had this all planned out, didn’t you?” he said suspiciously.

“Well I gave you a chance to say what you wanted, and you did ask for my help and I just know Adam will go crazy when he sees you in them. Oh come on, Kris, it’ll be amazing!”

She’s his best friend and she knows his family. God, if Matt ever finds out, I’ll never hear the end of it. “Alright,” he sighed, “I surrender to your superior knowledge of all things Adam.”

She clapped her hands together in excitement. “Excellent! Okay, what we need to do is go out and get you a pair of leather pants, unless you already own some?”

“Leather?” It’s going to be a long day.

It took two hours of shopping before Alisan finally found what she was looking for: a pair of tight leather pants that rode so low that Kris was worried they’d fall off. They do show me off nicely though. He could just imagine Adam’s face and then he started to get more excited about the whole thing. They also stopped and found a pair of black boots before they went back to his apartment.

“Okay, now we need to experiment with your hair, some makeup and accessories,” said Alisan.

They worked all afternoon until they were satisfied, both thinking that Kris would be lucky to last ten minutes without Adam pouncing on him and dragging him off somewhere.

“Ali, we’ve got to clean this all up!” he said with a yelp at five o’clock, motioning at the products, makeup and accessories spread out all over the room. “Matt’s going to be home from work soon!” Never, I would never live it down.

“Okay, okay,” she said, laughing at him. They packed up the suitcase and box, and Alisan promised to be back the next day at four to help him get ready for the party.

There were still several hours before he had to be at the club. Kris took a quick shower and curled up on the couch with his guitar. He strummed a simple melody and thought about Adam, how amazing he was and how lucky he felt to be with such a man. Sure, Adam had a lot of issues and Kris knew for certain that the path before them would be rocky, but it was obvious that Adam was also kind, talented, smart and funny in addition to being an outstanding lover. Kris didn’t see himself as a rescuer; it was clear to him that Adam was making a lot of efforts on his own and was doing his best to give back to Kris. He wondered if Adam was in therapy and if it was helping him be so brave.

He hoped all of this didn’t end up being more than Adam could handle. Even though it had only been a month since they’d met, Kris knew that he was falling hard for Adam. There was nothing he could do to stop it and he was sure that his heart wouldn’t recover for a long, long time if he lost Adam.

Kris got to the club just in time to see Adam walk on to the stage.  After the first few nights, he learned that he didn’t have to fight to get to the stage because Adam always made a beeline for him no matter where he was. The other men treated him with disdain for ruining their chances, but they continued to call Adam’s name and throw those notes on stage in the hope that he would choose them instead of Kris for once.

Adam had his hair swept back tonight and it showed off his brilliant blue eyes. Look at him, so incredible up there singing his heart out. He really should be doing more than this and he deserves a better crowd, people who really appreciate his talent and not just his dick. I wonder if he’s ever recorded anything. He listened attentively and ignored the angry stares from the men around him.

As usual, Adam made straight for him at the end of the show. “Hi, sexy.”

“Hey, babe,” said Kris. Neither of them bothered to keep their voices down anymore, both wanting everyone to know that they were together now. They ignored the bids for Adam’s attention and parted the audience before them as they walked to ‘their’ room. Kris let out a tiny gasp when Adam unlocked the door and swung it open because there, in the middle of the room was not only Adam’s blanket, but also two pillows. Kris schooled his features. Don’t want to scare him away.

Adam turned and smiled at him. “I brought these down earlier…thought we’d more comfortable this way.”

“Thank you,” he said sincerely and smiled back widely. Adam locked the door behind them and then embraced Kris in a full body hug before tilting his head down to kiss him. Kris thought about the last time they were in this room and how their fucking had been less frantic, as though Adam was realizing that they had all the time in the world now instead of the few minutes he was used to with men.

Adam walked them towards the blanket without breaking the kiss while Kris unhooked his sex pants with a practiced hand. They went down to their knees, lips still locked together and hands in each other’s hair. Kris pulled up the hem of Adam’s shirt but stopped when Adam grabbed his hand and drew back. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No, I just want to go first,” Adam said with a smirk and began undressing Kris until he was only in his cotton briefs. He pushed Kris down onto the blanket so his head rested on a pillow and kissed him again. He graced his tongue along the roof of Kris’ mouth and then bit down on his lower lip. Kris drew in a sharp breath and tried to pull Adam on top of him, but Adam straightened up and shot him an evil grin. “Not yet, my little rabbit, I’m going to make you beg for it,” he said, and licked a long path from Kris’ nipple to his ear then went back down his neck to the other nipple.

Kris groaned and said, “You’re going to kill me. I’m not going to survive your tongue all over me.”

“Better start trying, gorgeous, because I’m not stopping until you can’t stand it anymore.” And with that, he set about slowly licking and nibbling every inch of Kris’ body that wasn’t covered. Kris writhed and shuddered under Adam’s attentive mouth. He licked closer and closer to Kris’ briefs until his mouth was hovering inches from Kris’ cloth-covered, rigid cock. Oh my god, is he really going to…

Kris fisted his hands into the blanket to keep from grabbing Adam’s head. Adam looked up at him, smiled, and then tongued the cotton once. Kris’ breath hitched and he moaned and licked his lips. Adam grasped the elastic band of the briefs and pulled them down a few inches to reveal the head of Kris’ leaking cock. Kris couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped his lips.

“Eager, baby?” Adam whispered.

Kris gave a small sob in response. Please oh please oh please…

Adam continued pulling down Kris’ underwear until it was all the way off. He looked at Kris’ naked form and then resumed licking him, this time all around his torso. Kris was shivering from the drying wetness all over his body and his moans were half desperate cries. His nipples were hard nubs and his dick was aching, aching, longing for Adam’s mouth. Abruptly Adam stopped his tongue right near the base of Kris’ length. Then he gave it a quick swipe, kissed it on the head and drew back.

Kris couldn’t help it, he was nearly crying now, “please, baby…please.”

Slowly, tortuously, Adam leaned back down and placed his lips on the head of Kris’ cock. He kissed it a few times and then tentatively lowered his mouth around it and back off again. Kris clamped his eyes shut as if he were in pain; he was visibly shaking now, knuckles white with the strain of his grip on the blanket. Suddenly Adam went all the way down on him, swirled his tongue and pulled back off quickly. Kris nearly came right then. He felt a strong hand encircle him and stroke him twice before he lost it altogether and came. “Adam…Adam…” he sobbed.

Adam crawled up him and kissed his crying mouth silent. Kris could taste a small hint of himself on Adam’s tongue and it drove him crazy with want. He pulled at Adam’s shirt and this time he was allowed to take it off. Adam stood up and stripped off his pants, then lay back on top of Kris, who instantly wrapped his legs around him and kissed him feverishly. “I need you…need you, please…please,” he begged in between kisses.

Adam grabbed a condom and the little bottle of lube from his pants and prepared himself. “Going to make your head spin, sexy boyfriend.” He picked up one of the pillows and arranged it under Kris’ ass, then lifted Kris’ right leg over his shoulder and placed a hand on either side of Kris’ waist on the floor.

“Yes…I’m ready, just please take me…please…” Kris pleaded again. When Adam finally pushed in, the angle was perfect and his cock brushed against Kris’ prostate with every thrust. He went painfully slow at first, as if he wanted to draw out Kris’ torture, but then took a little pity on him and moved into a steady rhythm.

“Let me hear you, baby,” Adam growled and locked eyes with Kris.

Kris couldn’t form any words except “Adam” amidst moans and whimpered sounds that seemed to go on forever as Adam’s stamina proved itself. When he couldn’t take it anymore, Kris took his cock in hand and pumped it in time to the measured thrusts. “Faster…please…faster…harder…more…”

“Oh I don’t know, I’m not sure you want it badly enough yet,” Adam teased and carried on with his even, steady movements.

“Fuck! I’m begging you…please!” Kris cried, tears springing to his eyes.

Finally Adam showed mercy and sped up into a dizzying pace, pounding relentlessly into Kris and moaning loudly until they reached their climax together, crying out the other’s name.

Adam fell on top of Kris and they held each other tightly for a while, catching their breath and whispering little words like “baby” and “so good.” Adam rolled them onto their sides, pulled the blanket over them and kissed the back of Kris’ neck. Kris felt the heat of Adam’s body throughout his whole being. I love him.

***

Kris set down his guitar and walked to Matt’s room. He knocked and called, “Hey man, you up yet?”

A muffled “go away” came from behind the door.

“Come on, I need to ask you a favor…open up.” Kris heard a groan and a curse and then the door swung open.

“Shit…it’s ten o’clock on a Saturday, this had better be good.”

“Well, see, Ali is coming over today at four to help me get ready, and I…well I know the game is on then and I wondered if maybe you could watch it somewhere else?"

Matt looked at him grumpily. “And this couldn’t have waited until I was conscious?”

“I wanted to give you time to make other plans, you know, trying to be thoughtful here.” Matt rolled his eyes and shut the door. “So is that a yes?” Kris called.

“Yes, you dork, now go away.”

Kris went back to his room. He’d been up since seven, alternately pacing, playing his guitar, checking the time and re-reading the notes about his demo album for the professor. But none of this helped, and he knew he was going to have to find better ways to distract himself until Alisan arrived. It’s just a costume party…no reason to be so nervous. He picked up the notes again.

Kris, your demo is excellent. Your overall sound is very clean and the melodies are intricate without being showy. I think that you could be marketable as a singer-songwriter like John Mayer before he went blues. The major criticism I have is that you come across as less than confident on some of the tracks. I took the liberty of detailing some notes on each song and I hope you find them helpful. I suggest you do a little reworking and then I’d be happy to see if I can get my friend over at Aware Records to give it a listen.

Kris had read this and the individual song notes at least five times already that morning. Less than confident…well that was before Adam. He couldn’t wait to get started on reworking the songs, but right now he couldn’t concentrate so he threw on some sweats and headed to the gym, hoping a good work out would release his nervous energy.

***

“Ouch! Ali, that was my eyeball!” Kris yelled and rubbed at his watering eye.

“Well if you would sit still…” she said with a sigh. “You did all right yesterday.”

“I wasn’t nervous yesterday,” he said, and looked up to the ceiling so Alisan could try the eyeliner again.

She leaned in and held his eyelid with her thumb. “You’re going to be fine, don’t worry! Just try to relax and think about Adam’s face when he sees you tonight.”

Kris sighed dreamily, imagining the scene.

“That’s better…just stay like that, Kris.”

He tried to concentrate on not blinking and a question popped into his brain. “Does Adam go to therapy? I mean, well, you don’t have to answer that if it’s too personal.”

Alisan stepped back and put down the pencil. “It’s okay. He used to go, for years after the incident, but not anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s too stubborn. After he was functioning well enough on his own, he stopped going, but now…well he probably knows that she wouldn’t have approved of the way he was dealing with things. I wish he’d go back, but he’s so independent.  He doesn’t like needing help.” She looked at him thoughtfully. “But to be perfectly honest, I don’t think he was willing to change until you came along.”

Kris tried to absorb the enormity of her statement. How could a regular guy like me inspire that kind of change in someone?

It was going on six-thirty and they were nearly done. Fifteen minutes later, Alisan stepped back to admire him. “Wow. Kris, you look incredibly hot.  If you weren’t gay…” Kris chuckled and blushed. “Seriously,” she said, “go look at yourself in a full length mirror if you have one.”

He walked into his bedroom, being careful not to damage the wings going through the doorway, and moved in front of the mirror on his wall. “Holy shit.” He looked like an anime character come to life. The leather pants clung to his body, defining his leg muscles and ass, and they were tight enough to remind him of Adam’s sex pants that left nothing to the imagination in front.

His bare chest and arms seemed to glow with the help of a lightly tinted, shiny lotion Alisan had applied. The wings, secured to his back by a liberal amount of body glue, rose up above his shoulders and then fell gracefully down to his calves, outlining his entire body like a blood red picture frame. And his face…how did she do that? His eyes seemed more brown, wider and deeper, and around each eye she had created a black wing shape that stretched to his temples. Kris had tried to draw the line at lipstick, but Alisan had bullied him into it -- medium red covered lightly by black and outlined with a black pencil -- and he had to admit that the effect was stunning.

Finally, she had worked her magic on his hair, somehow managing to make it look like he’d just rolled around in bed with someone and been fucked silly. It was sticking up messily all over the place with a few strands falling into his face. He shook his head and not a single hair moved. I’m going to need three showers to get clean.

Alisan walked in and beamed at him. “I’m a genius,” she said. “Now for the finishing touches.” She snapped a black strap around his wrist. He examined it for a moment.

“Oh my god! Is that…Ali, is that a cock ring?” he exclaimed.

She giggled. “Well we are going for a sexy angel look here.”

“Jesus!” he laughed, “I’ll be lucky to make it out of there alive!”

“Okay I’m not done yet.” She held up two small bottles, one was full of something shiny and the other was a bottle of black nail polish.

“And that’s glitter, isn’t it?” he said with a groan. “Well, I’ve done this much. Lay it on me.”

At seven-thirty they left together for the party. Alisan had changed into her costume, a sexy kitten complete with catsuit, ears and a tail. “How on earth do you walk in those things?” Kris asked, pointing to her six-inch heels as they got in her car.

“Lots of practice and many years of Lambert family Halloween parties.”

The drive took about twenty minutes and Kris had to lean forward the whole time because of his wings. “Wow, big family,” he remarked at seeing all the cars parked around the house and down the street.

“You have no idea. This is a huge annual event and all the relatives come out of the woodwork for it.” She glanced over at Kris. “You’re going to be fine…I promise. I’d tell you to stick with me but I have a feeling Adam is going to want you all to himself,” she said with a grin.

They found a spot about a block away and walked to the house. The night air was chilly and Kris shivered, half naked and anxious. I can’t believe I’m doing this. His whole family…oh my god…and I’m wearing wings and a cock ring. I must have been crazy to agree to this.

When they got to the door, Alisan opened it and walked right in. She must be like part of the family. They stood in the decorated entrance hall of a large and beautiful house and heard music coming from somewhere. Alisan took him by the arm and said, “You ready?”

“Yes.” No, not really, no way.

She winked and walked him to a set of wooden double doors. Kris took a deep breath. Alisan turned the handle and pushed open the doors. The room on the other side was packed with people in costumes laughing, talking and dancing to the thumping music. Suddenly, there was a collective intake of breath as they looked around and saw Kris and Alisan standing there. Then someone let out a loud wolf whistle. “Damn, Ali! Is that your date?”

“No,” a voice called from across the room, “he’s mine.” There was an outbreak of shocked mumbles as everyone looked at Adam.

And then Kris saw him. Holy fucking wow. Kris’ eyes bugged out and his pants felt impossibly tighter as he stared and stared at Adam. A vampire…the sexiest, hottest… Kris thought he might come in his pants from just looking at him. He was dressed entirely in black, but the clothes were intricate and fit every line and curve of his body. Tiny black and red gems were worked into a mesh see-through shirt that sparkled with every movement. Over the shirt was a leather jacket, which was detailed with complex stitching and rhinestones. The sleeves of the jacket came down to a point over the backs of his hands and looped around his middle fingers. His pants were leather as well but had criss-crossed openings up the entire outer side of each leg. He wore a silver collar around his neck and a ring on each finger.

There were streaks of blonde in his hair, which looked like it had extensions in it to make it fall into his face. His brows were arched high and blood red lips contrasted sharply with his paler than usual skin. Kris could just see the points of fangs protruding over his bottom lip. But it was Adam’s eyes that were wreaking havoc on Kris in that moment. Eyes that sparkled darkly somehow, rimmed with black and blue, eyes that were staring at Kris possessively, eyes screaming with lust that were demanding satisfaction…now.

The room was silent save for the music; people looked back and forth at them, waiting for something to happen. Then Adam was on the move and everyone stepped away from him as he walked purposefully across the room, taking off his fangs as he went. Kris felt Alisan leave his side. No one else existed in that moment but Adam…Adam…Adam. Adam stopped in front of Kris, looked him up and down once and pulled him into a long, fierce kiss right there in front of everyone. Okay I’m ready to go now…please take me away and destroy me with your sex.

The crowd whistled some more and they finally broke apart, panting. Adam threw Kris a get-ready-to-be-fucked look and then turned around to face the room. “Everyone, this is Kris, my boyfriend. Kris, meet my crazy family.”

Adam laughed loudly at their shocked expressions, but soon their gawping mouths turned into delighted smiles and called out congratulations like they were all at a wedding. They tried to pull Kris away and began to fight over who would get to talk to him first, but Adam came to his rescue. “In a minute, in a minute…I need a…private word with Kris and then I’ll bring him back, I promise.” They all laughed knowingly and let Kris go with Adam.

“A dark angel…holy mother of fuck, Ali gets ten pairs of new shoes for this, plus an extra pair for the cock ring!” Adam was dragging Kris through the house to god knows where and every once in a while he would stop and throw Kris to a wall to kiss and grope him.

“Want you so bad,” Kris panted, “where are we going?”

“Library,” he said and continued walking until they finally reached a room in the back corner of the house.

A minute later Kris was naked and flat on his back with his legs in the air on a large desk, wings digging into his shoulders and Adam balls-deep into his ass. Anyone passing by would have clearly heard the yells and moans coming from the room, but everyone was at the party on the other side of the house.

The library door opened after ten minutes and they came out, makeup smeared and Kris’ hair even more tousled. Kris wiped a shaking hand over his brow and silently thanked Alisan for using so much glue to secure the wings. They stood and kissed some more in the hallway until they figured they should probably get back to the party.

“Okay,” said Adam, “now everyone is going to want to get to know you and I’m perfectly fine with that, but I’m not leaving your side for an instant because it will keep them from telling embarrassing childhood stories about me. Plus…” he leered at Kris and grabbed his ass.

“I know,” said Kris, “I want to be at your disposal, too, as many times as we can manage in a night.”

They made their way back to the party, stopping to make out several times before they reached it. Some kind of agreement must have been made while they were gone because only two people approached Kris this time. They must be his parents.

“Leila,” said a scantily clad Cleopatra, and held out her hand. “It’s so good to meet you, Kris. Adam told us he was bringing someone tonight and obviously we were thrilled,” she smiled warmly.

“And I’m Eber,” said a man who was dressed as Marc Antony.

Kris shook both of their hands. “I feel a bit embarrassed to be meeting you as a half-naked angel, ma’am,” Kris said with a blush, “but thank you for the warm welcome. Your house is beautiful Mr. and Mrs. Lambert.”

“Oh, he’s so polite, Adam,” his mom exclaimed. “Please, honey, call me Leila and don’t worry about it…it’s a costume party and you look absolutely devastating.”

“He’s from the south mom, they grow them with manners down there,” Adam chuckled, “and lay off my man, he’s taken.”

“Where in the south are you from, Kris?” asked Eber.

“Arkansas, sir,” Kris replied.

He laughed genially.  “Oh lord, please don’t call me sir, it makes me feel old. Eber will do just fine.”

“Adam tells us you’re a musician,” said Leila.

“Yes, ma’am, I mean Leila…I play the guitar.”

“And the viola, and the ukulele and he sings like…an angel,” Adam said, flashing a huge, pleased smile at Kris.

He’s proud of me? That is just too adorable. “I’m nowhere near as good as Adam at singing, he’s incredibly talented.”

Leila smiled. “Isn’t he though? I just wish he’d let us come watch him perform someti—”

“Hey hey hey! It’s the man of the hour!” called a bare-chested man who seemed to appear out of nowhere, wearing a plaid kilt and sash.

Adam looked intensely relieved to see the man; he pulled him into a side hug and smiled. “Kris, this is my brother Neil, and he does not look as hot as you do without a shirt on. Neil, please tell me you’re wearing something under that kilt?” Neil punched Adam in the ribs and held out his hand to Kris.

“Nice to meet you, Neil,” Kris said with a chuckle and shook his hand. That looked like a rescue if I ever saw one. I bet his mom doesn’t know what Adam has been doing at the club.

“So Kris, you’re coming out with us later on, right?” Neil asked.

“Apparently I am. Can’t say that I have much experience with club hopping though.”

Neil snorted. “Bro, you better keep a close watch on him otherwise he’ll get eaten alive out there.”

Adam clutched Kris to his side and gave his ass a firm squeeze.

“So boys, I hope you’re all planning to play games tonight,” said Leila. Adam gave Kris a knowing look and Eber and Neil laughed. “Adam! Not those kind of games,” she said, rolling her eyes, “save those for later. I mean party games!”

“Oooh, those are actually fun most of the time, Kris,” said Adam. “Are we playing spooky shot this year?”

I love seeing him like this. He’s so relaxed and sociable! It’s almost like there are two Adams. I wonder if he’ll ever be this comfortable in public.

“Definitely! And I think you’ll especially enjoy siamese twin relay this year,” Eber said with a wink to his son.

Just then, Alisan joined them. “Guys, the natives are getting restless. Everyone wants to talk to Kris and you’re hogging him.”

Leila sighed. “Oh all right. Don’t let him out of your sight, young man, or you’ll never get him back…he’ll get swamped by all of your aunts!”

Adam laughed and told her not to worry. As soon as they turned toward the crowd, Kris was in hot demand, but Adam kept his arm wrapped tightly around Kris’ waist. Kris smiled up at Adam. I belong to him. Everyone wanted to know where he was from, what the south was like and how he and Adam had met. Kris let Adam handle those questions and Adam just said that they’d met at a store one day and left it at that. On and on the relatives came and Kris could see that Adam was growing uncomfortable about certain questions being thrown at them.

“Excuse me, ma’am…Lorraine, is it? I need to go get a drink…all this talking. Adam, could you help me out?”

Adam nodded fervently and guided him swiftly away from aunt Lorraine.

“Where are you two headed off to? We’re about to start the games!” called Adam’s mom.

“We’ll be back in fifteen!” Adam yelled to her over his shoulder. They practically ran to the library this time.

When they returned, Alisan cornered Kris to reapply his lipstick and then adjusted his wings. “Whoo! You are getting a workout tonight,” she said with a giggle, “told you dark angel was a genius idea!”

Kris looked at her with sex-glazed eyes. “I love you,” he said dopily.

She slapped his face a few times. “Pull yourself together, Kris, the night is still young.”

Adam had been standing nearby waiting for Kris. “Your time is up, Ali,” he said, walking over, “give him back.”

Suddenly the music stopped and Eber’s loud voice boomed out, “The games are about to begin! In honor of my son’s guest, we’ll be starting out with the siamese twin relay.” The crowd laughed and Kris gave Adam a quizzical look, but he just waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Eber split everyone up into two teams and told them to pair up with someone on their team and form a line. Then he walked around to the pairs, put them back-to-back and told them to keep their arms linked together. When he got to Adam and Kris, he winked and said, “Now Kris, because of your wings, I think you and Adam should go front-to-front instead.” No complaints here. “Okay! Each pair do your best to reach your team’s the bucket at the end of the room and get back to the starting line without unlocking your arms! Whichever team gets the most candy out of the bucket wins!”

Adam and Kris stood in the middle of their line and wrapped their arms around each other eagerly. They couldn’t help but kiss as they waited for their turn. I can't believe I'm kissing him like this in front of his family!

“Ahem!” someone called from the back of the line. “Lover boys, it’s your turn next!”

They looked up and smiled at each other. “I really feel like reading a good book after this game, Kris, don’t you?”

“Absolutely.” Best party ever.

They did a horrible job at the game because once they started walking, their groins kept rubbing up against each other and it was terribly distracting. Kris managed to grab two pieces of candy from the bucket and they laughed all the way back to the starting line. They got persuaded to play a silly game of pumpkin ring toss and then snuck out of the room.

***

They ran with their hands entwined, giggling and drunk on lust and affection for each other. “And I used to think this room was boring!” Adam laughed when they reached the library. He pulled Kris inside and kicked the door closed. His giddy smiled disappeared at once and he pinned Kris with a smoldering gaze. “Hmmmm, and just what am I going to do with you this time, my dark,” Adam stepped up to Kris, “sexy,” he backed him into a wall of books, “angel?”

Kris looked up at Adam like a wide-eyed baby deer for a moment, but then his eyes filled with fiery desire.  He licked his lips, boldly grabbed Adam’s crotch and squeezed hard. “Surprise me,” he growled.

Adam caught his breath and narrowed his eyes at Kris. “Oh that is it.  You are so asking for it!” He scanned the room for inspiration. Ah yes, perfect! That hot little punk, he won’t be able to walk straight for days by the time I’m done with him! Three sides of the large room were lined with wall-to-wall bookshelves that reached almost to the ceiling. Adam yanked Kris over to the wall where the rolling ladder was currently resting on its track. It was beautiful, made of cherry wood with brass wheels and gold filigree worked up the sides. “Pants. Off. Now.”

Kris tore off his boots and leather pants and started to stroke himself.

“Oh no you don’t,” Adam said gruffly and slapped Kris’ hand away from his dick. “You just hop your sweet ass up onto this ladder,” he continued while checking to make sure the track and wheel locks were set.

“What? You want me to…”

“You heard me. Sit on this rung and face the shelves,” he said, pointing to a ladder step. Adam stood back with his hands on his hips, waiting. Fuck, he’s so incredibly gorgeous.  What did I do to deserve him?

Kris saw that Adam was serious, climbed up and shimmied his naked body until he was sitting on the ladder with both feet on the shelf in front of him.

Adam positioned himself behind Kris and stroked his angel wings from top to bottom. “Mmm,” he purred and began rubbing his cock through his pants. “You’re mine…my pretty, pretty angel.”

Kris shivered, making glitter rain down onto the wooden floor. “Touch me, Adam, please.”

Oh I’ll do more than that. Adam stuck a hand in his back pocket and did a quick count of how many condoms were left for the night. Six…should be plenty. He whipped one out, pulled off his pants, boots and jacket and threw them on a nearby desk, leaving him naked except for the see-through mesh shirt. Got to get him positioned right…if I just…there. Adam had pulled Kris back so that his ass was hanging off of the rung. “Ohhh, baby, still open and wet for me I see,” he murmured with longing as he ran a finger between Kris’ cheeks.

“Adam,” Kris whimpered and clutched the ladder.

“Hold on tight, my little rabbit.” Without another word he pried Kris apart with both hands and plunged into him. Kris moaned from the back of his throat and his head fell forward. Adam gripped the ladder on either side and leaned his upper body back until his arms were straight, then began driving up into Kris deeply and grunting with every thrust. The friction was incredible. So goddam tight! Kris was squished into a tight space, and his ass molded around Adam’s cock. Adam’s vision was filled with dark red feathers and glittery brown hair as he pounded upwards. The ladder shook and rattled but held fast on its track.

Kris’ knuckles were turning white and he began to babble something like “fu-adam-plee-yes-oohhhhhhh!”

“So good…so…fucking…uh…uh…” Adam groaned and grunted. He bent his head forward and bit a wing feather, then another and another, as many as he could reach while continuing to fuck Kris mercilessly.

“Adam!” Kris let go of the ladder and grabbed on to a shelf in front of him, knocking several books onto the floor in the process. Then Adam gave a particularly vicious thrust and Kris swiped the entire shelf clean of books. “Fuck! Oh my god!” Kris started tugging at his dick furiously with one hand while hanging on for dear life with the other.

Adam pulled his body close to the ladder and wrapped his arms around it and Kris, burying his face in the wings and pinning Kris to the ladder. He sped up his pace, thrusting so fast and hard that ladder was in danger of coming loose.  “Oh…yes…yesssssss…OH!” He clamped his eyes shut and little stars popped behind them as he came, wave after wave of pleasure coursing through his body.

Adam reached around and took over for Kris, two more strokes and Kris was yelling and shooting his cum all over the now empty bookshelf. He slumped forward and would have fallen to the ground if not for Adam’s arms holding him up. Gently, Adam lowered him down and caught him in a tight embrace. They stood there, panting and clinging to each other.

A loud ‘gong’ rang out and startled them. Adam looked over and saw the large, antique clock on the wall strike ten. “Can you move, baby?” he asked Kris.

Kris looked up at Adam, adoration clearly written in his eyes. He rose up to his toes, kissed Adam softly and said, “That was a good surprise.”

Adam chuckled, kissed him on the forehead and then they started to get dressed. Kris was done first, so he looked around for something to use on the shelf. He found an old cleaning cloth in the desk and wiped up his cum, then gingerly leaned down to gather up the fallen books. “Hey look,” he said with a laugh. Adam turned around and saw the book Kris was holding and burst into laughter. It was ‘Forbidden Nights with a Vampire.’

***

When they emerged from the library for the third time that evening, Kris’ wings were definitely starting to look disheveled and he had a permanent grin on his face.

“Excellent!” cheered Adam, “we’re back just in time for spooky shot to start! I’ll let my dad explain.”

It turned out to be a simple drinking game where the punishment for saying a ‘taboo’ word was to drink a shot of alcohol. The taboo word for the night was ‘costume’. Kris thought that Adam would be very good at this since he was probably used to screening himself so much.

As the evening wore on, more relatives in varying states of inebriation tried to tempt Kris into conversation, but he was finding it difficult to focus. He was not good at filtering himself and had been told to drink a few shots. However, he’d been dead on about Adam, who had only said ‘costume’ once the whole evening and was still firmly clutching Kris’ waist, moving them away when the more intoxicated people lost their judgment and started asking questions about Kris and Adam’s relationship that were too personal.

Close to midnight, Neil found them and asked if they were ready to go. Before they left, Alisan took ten minutes and did a pretty good job at restoring Kris’ costume and makeup to its pre-sex state. He gave her an enormous bear hug. “Thank you so much, for everything.”

“Go have a blast. Adam, you take good care of this man, now, you hear me? Don’t let those crazy boys get their paws on him.”

“I won’t, Ali. Don’t worry, he’s safe with me.” Adam gave her a kiss on the cheek and then reattached his fangs. They were almost out the door when Kris insisted that he be allowed to say goodbye to Adam’s parents first.

“Such a gentleman,” said Leila after Adam had found his parents and led them over to Kris. “I hope you had a wonderful time, Kris. I’m so happy you came and I hope we get to see you again soon.”

“Have a good time, boys. Kris, it was a pleasure to meet you,” said Eber.

Kris shook their hands again and thanked them for their hospitality.

They hopped into a cab with Neil sitting in front. Adam leaned back against the inside of the back door and Kris draped his body all over him, wings up so they wouldn’t get squished. Neil gave up trying to talk to them after a while since all they were interested in was seeing how close they could get to actually having sex with their clothes on.

The first club they went to was one that Kris had driven by countless times but had never been in to. Never been to any clubs except Adam’s. He had no idea what was in store for him tonight, but as long as he was with Adam, he didn’t care. After getting their wrists stamped, they went in and all Kris could see were flashing lights illuminating a mass of bodies, some in costumes. He got a fair number of stares, mostly from men who then tried to grab his ass. They backed off once they saw that he was with Adam, however, since he was well known in this area. Adam led them to the bar and ordered a vodka tonic.

“Well gents, I’m off,” said Neil, “I see a few ladies over there who look like they are dying to know what’s under my kilt.” Neil left them at the bar and Kris just looked around, trying to get a feel for the evening.

“Come on, gorgeous, you and that fine ass of yours need to dance with me,” said Adam, dragging Kris into the crowd.

“Dance? Uh, I might need a few more drinks in me first.”

“Oh no, baby, you just let me lead the way.” They got to the middle of the floor and Adam clutched Kris tightly to his body. “Just pretend that we’re fucking,” he said with a smirk.

I can do that. Adam gripped Kris’ ass and began to grind against him in time to the beat. Ohhhh, yes, I can definitely to that. He rolled his hips and reached up to pull Adam down for a kiss, feeling the fangs press on his tongue and lips. Kris discovered that he had some rhythm in him and soon he was lost in the music and Adam’s body wrapped around him.

“You look so hot tonight, so fucking hot,” Adam said huskily, caressing Kris’ wings and then his bare back.

“Me? Goddamn. Adam, I almost came in my pants when I first saw you tonight!”

Adam growled, tilted Kris’ head back and ran his fangs up Kris’ neck, ending with a bite just under his ear. Kris moaned and ground harder into Adam. “Does this place have a back room somewhere?” he asked, grinning wickedly.

“You’re damn right it does,” Adam said, taking Kris’ hand and leading them out of the throng of people. The back room was more of a back area with a couch and a curtain drawn around it, but it was obviously occupied at the moment. Kris walked Adam back into a wall, his hands everywhere like he couldn’t get enough of touching him, and they locked in a heated kiss until they finally heard the unmistakable sounds of two people climaxing. A couple stumbled out from behind the curtain a minute later and Adam pulled Kris in.

Kris pushed Adam down onto the couch, but not too roughly, and immediately went for his pants. “Want to taste you, baby…want you in my mouth.” Adam groaned and helped Kris get his complicated, criss-crossed leather pants off. So beautiful. Almost reverently, Kris ran a finger up Adam’s pulsing member. Then he stood up, took off his own pants and knelt back down, wanting Adam to see a completely naked angel between his legs.

Adam sucked in a breath at this sight and licked his lips. “Kris…that is so…” was all he got out before moaning loudly when Kris’s mouth enveloped his cock. Kris had no patience to take his time tonight and he gorged himself on Adam’s hot meat, hollowing his cheeks and sucking hard as his head moved up and down. Kris felt Adam grip his head and start to buck into his mouth. “Oh…oh…ohhhh…Kris…baby…” Kris relaxed his throat and took Adam all the way in. “Fuck!” Adam shouted. Suddenly Adam grabbed Kris under the arms and lifted him right off the floor.

“Hey I wasn’t done with that!” Kris said, pouting. But his disappointment was short lived when he found himself straddling Adam a second later.

“Sorry to take your candy away, my sexy little rabbit angel, but I’ll give you something sweet in return,” he said in a low voice and kissed Kris, biting down with his fangs and reaching to the floor for his pants at the same time. But Kris surprised him by whipping out a condom from his own pants faster than Adam could. Haha! Uh-oh…I’m in for it now. The look on Adam’s face was so raw with lust that it made Kris tremble from head to toe. Drowning, I’m drowning. Without moving his eyes an inch from Kris’, Adam sheathed himself with the condom, took the cock ring off of Kris’ wrist and wrapped it tightly around the base of his dick. Oh my god, how is it possibly for him to be so sexy? He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Adam’s ear. “Fuck me,” he whispered.

Adam shuddered and then put two long fingers in his mouth, sucking on them until spit dribbled down to his wrist. He reached around Kris and pushed both fingers into his hole at the same time. Kris arched his back and rocked onto Adam’s fingers, little whimpered cries falling from his lips. Then he felt air underneath him as strong hands lifted him up by his ass cheeks, spreading them apart, and lowered him slowly onto Adam’s waiting cock.  Kris moaned and threw his head back, a blissful expression on his face, spine curved in a graceful ‘S’ and his red wings trailing down to the ground.

“Kris,” Adam said in a choked voice, “you’re so beautiful, my dark angel…so beautiful.”

Kris gazed at him adoringly. “No, you’re the beautiful one.” My love. He twined their hands together and began riding Adam up and down, his length rigid and straining under the cock ring. They moved slowly at first, and then faster as they found a rhythm with Kris pounding down and Adam thrusting up at the same time. Adam leaned forward and crushed Kris to his body, biting his chest as their skin slapped together harder and harder. Kris’ cock rubbed against Adam’s torso and he groaned loudly, knowing that he would have come already if not for the strap restraining him. “Adam…Adam…please baby…let me come!” he wailed.

But Adam dug his fingers into Kris’ hips and rocked them faster…faster…harder…the couch began to creek with every thrust…Kris’ wings were flying out behind him…their moans and cries were desperate…frantic…Adam reached down and unsnapped Kris’ bond…Kris’ bottom lip quivered and then his mouth stretched wide open in a scream. “Adammm!”  Hot cum stained Adam’s chest. Kris rose up all the way off Adam’s cock and slammed back down. 

Adam’s entire body seized and he drew blood with his fangs. “Fuck!”

Drops of blood mixed with cum glued them together and they fell as one tangled body onto the couch. Their hearts beat in time to the pounding club music, racing, thumping against rib cages. “Kris…my sweet dark angel,” said Adam after a while of just stroking Kris’ hair.

Kris burrowed himself into Adam’s embrace as deeply as possible. Can I stay here forever? But suddenly, the curtain was thrown back, and a disheveled Neil with his kilt on backwards stood there, smirking at them. “Time to move on boys! The night is still young!” he bellowed like a bull.

Ten minutes later they were in another cab on their way to the next club. They hit three more that night, and at each one Kris and Adam danced, drank and fucked until Kris didn’t think he would ever be able to walk properly again. When they were done screwing at what they had decided would be the last club of the night, Kris and a very wobbly Adam found Neil at the bar, looking just as fucked out as they were.

“You’re pretty,” Adam said with a giggle to Kris, stumbling a bit and flailing his arms out to stop himself from falling down. Adam had consumed a considerable amount of alcohol throughout the night, much more than Kris and Neil had.  They were definitely tipsy but not as far gone as Adam.

“You’re pretty, too…and wasted,” Kris said, laughing and trying to steady Adam on his feet.

“I gotta pee,” said Adam, still giggling. “Pee, pee, pee…that’s a funny word…peeeeee.”

“Oh jesus, we better help him or he’ll piss all over everything,” said Neil, rolling his eyes. They each slung one of Adam’s arms around their neck and hauled him off to the bathroom. They put him in a stall because it lessened their chances of getting pissed on.

“Does he get this drunk every year?” Kris asked Neil as they waited for Adam.

“Actually no, he never drinks when we go out because he knows it clouds his judgment. But I think he must have felt safe to let his guard down because you’re with him.”

He is safe with me. I wouldn’t let him do anything he’d regret in the morning.

They heard Adam singing in the stall. “Pretty angel…pretty pretty anggellllll.”

Kris barked out a laugh and went to get him. “Come on, baby, time to go home.”

“I’m going to get us a cab,” said Neil, “can you handle him?”

“Sure,” said Kris. “Adam, my gorgeous drunkard, it’s time to go home.” He helped Adam zip up and dragged him out of the stall.

“Hooommee, hooommee with pretty pretty angggeelllll!”

They were almost at the bathroom door when Adam planted his feet and looked at Kris. “Come…home,” he said with a slurred voice,” with me…pretty angel.”

“What? No, baby, you’re going to your home and I’m going to mine, remember?”

“Nooooooo, home with meeee.”

“Adam, you’re drunk, you’re not thinking clearly. You don’t want me to come home with you.”

“Yes,” Adam said, looking seriously at Kris and trying for all the world to speak coherently, “come…home with me…angel.”

“Did you plan this? Did you plan for me to come home with you tonight?”

“No, but you’re soooo pretty, angel…please…pleeease…come home with me.”

“Adam…no, I can’t.”

Adam’s lips trembled and tears began to form in his eyes. “Angel…doesn’t…want me?”

“Of course I want you, more than anything, haven’t I shown you that all night?”

“Then why…”

“Because, it shouldn’t be like this…not like this.” But Kris knew that it was pointless to try to reason with him when he was in this state.

Adam fell back against the bathroom wall and began to weep. “Angel doesn’t want meeeee!”

Kris felt his heart breaking. Shit. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Chapter 16

Adam fell back against the bathroom wall and began to weep. “Angel doesn’t want meeeee!” Of course he doesn’t want you. Ugly…fat…freak! He slid down to the floor, body shaking with real sobs now as the words from ten years ago tormented him. “Angel…d-doesn’t…” he choked out.

“Shhhhhh…Adam…”

He felt warm hands on his cheeks and looked up into brown eyes.

“Angel?” He wiped the back of his hand across his nose and sniffed.

“Yes, angel is going to take care of you.”

Angel…angel… Adam wrapped his arms around the angel tightly and snuggled into his neck, tears starting to subside. He heard another voice now, too.

“Hey the cab is waiting, what’s taking so-- Adam! Kris, what’s going on? Is he okay?”

“I told him I wouldn’t go home with him, Neil, but then he started crying and…”

“Let me take him home then.”

“Noooooo!” Adam clutched the angel harder. Don’t leave me…please don’t leave me!

The angel stood up but held on to Adam’s hand. “Neil, please…let me take care of him tonight, okay? Take the cab, we’ll get our own.”

“I don’t know…are you sure you can handle this? Where are you taking him?”

Adam was starting to feel sick. He tried to follow what they were saying, but the room was suddenly spinning, spinning…he held on tightly to the angel’s hand...what are they saying? He thought he heard the angel…Kris…say, “apartment.” Then the other man…Neil, your brother…left.

“Come on, baby, put your arm around me…that’s right…here we go…it’s going to be all right.” Adam rose slowly from the floor and felt the wing feathers tickle his neck as he tried to walk. “Almost there…a little further, Adam…” The night air was cold and it made his stomach churn harder.

“I…I don’t feel good…” He staggered to the side of the building and threw up all over the ground in front of it. Sturdy hands gripped his shoulders until he was done heaving, then turned him around and guided him towards the street. He heard a loud whistle and yellow car pulled up and stopped in front of them.

“Get in the cab, Adam, we’re going home now.”

His tongue felt heavy in his mouth. “You’re not…leaving me?”

“No, baby, I’m not leaving you. Come on now.”

“Okay.” He let the angel help him into the car and fell asleep almost immediately in the strong arms that encircled him.

***

A beautiful man with red wings was flying away, high in the sky. “Angel! Come back! Don’t leave me!” Adam ran and ran, stretching out his arms and trying to catch up, but the man looked down at him sadly and said, “I can’t be with you, Adam.  You’re just a damaged freak. Good-bye!” “Nooooo! Come back, angel…don’t leave meeee! Anggeellllll!”

Incoherent screams suddenly pierced the silent night and Kris jumped up from his place on the floor. “Adam! Adam, wake up!” Adam opened his eyes a fraction and saw the blurry outline of a man’s face leaning over him. “Angel,” he whispered and stretched his arms wide. The bed sank a few inches and then Adam felt the angel curl around him completely. He sighed contentedly and fell back to sleep.

***

A dog was barking incessantly somewhere, a big dog by the sound of those deep, booming noises that were pounding into Adam’s semi-conscious, hung-over brain. Dogs should be banned on…what day is it? Oh my god, if that fucking dog doesn’t shut up…wait a minute, there aren't any dogs around here… Shit, why does it feel like someone drilled holes in my skull?   OH.

It was like a hailstorm had suddenly erupted in Adam’s head; images of the night before, feelings, thoughts, and sensations – they all pelted him simultaneously in a chaotic maelstrom until he felt like throwing up. He squeezed his closed eyes tightly as if this would help it all go away. Aren’t people supposed to forget everything they did when they were hammered? He became aware of a warm body covering him…Kris…and the bed beneath him that he knew wasn’t his. I’m naked…and so is he. This fact didn’t alarm Adam as it would have in the past, but he didn’t move, couldn’t move, feeling immobilized by the physical pain in his head and the knowledge of how shamefully he had behaved last night.

You begged him to come home with you. You cried and begged like a baby, completely out of control, totally vulnerable…anything could have happened. But you’re safe. You’re with Kris in his bed and he took care of you. Adam remembered Kris steadying him as he puked his guts out and Kris holding him in the cab. Isn’t that why you let yourself drink in the first place? You knew you’d be safe with him. Adam slowly opened his eyes and saw Kris’ arm wrapped tightly around his waist. He suddenly recalled how terrified he had felt that Kris might leave him and thought about the dream he’d had in the middle of the night. He remembered the stabbing rejection when Kris wouldn’t come home with him, and the voices of his past taunting him, adding fuel to his self-loathing and sense of worthlessness, unworthy to be with Kris.

You put him in a terrible position…what was he supposed to do? Adam listened to the sound of Kris breathing for a minute and tried to figure out if he was upset or grateful that Kris had not come home with him. The feelings of rejection were still fresh, but they were mixed with intense relief that Kris had not taken advantage of the situation. Admit it, you want to let him in. Yes, okay fine, but not like that. Coward…you think you would’ve had the balls to ask if you weren’t drunk?

At least he didn’t leave me. He saw his dream in his mind again, “I can’t be with you, Adam.  You’re just a damaged freak.” His whole body clenched in pain at the thought of Kris walking out on him and his head gave a nasty throb. How am I going to face him? What if he hates me after last night? Idiot…does it look like he hates you? Adam knew that Kris would want to talk about it all, but he didn’t have the energy for it and he was still so confused about the feelings that were warring within him. I need to go home.

Carefully, he tried to lift Kris’ arm up so he could roll away, but the arm only gripped him harder around the middle. “Leaving so soon?” said Kris.

“Uh…bathroom?” Coward. Adam sat up quickly and immediately regretted it. His vision swam with the pain in his head and he felt like he was going to be sick again.

“Whoa there,” Kris said softly. He sat up and grabbed Adam’s swaying body. “Let me help you…you need water and aspirin. Lie down and I’ll get you some.”

“You’ve done enough for me already,” Adam said, but he allowed Kris to guide him down onto his back. He hated the feeling of needing help but was comforted by it at the same time; he sighed quietly when Kris pecked him on the forehead before walking out of the room. Adam watched him go and admired his naked form. Kris was clean and his hair was a little damp. He must have showered last night. Oh god, I bet I look like shit…and my mouth smells like a trash can. Feeling embarrassed at appearing so needy and disheveled, Adam pulled the blankets up to cover himself and ran his hands over his face. My fangs are gone…and my face is clean…wow. 

He turned his head, slowly so that the room wouldn’t start spinning again, and saw his clothes folded neatly on a chair and a washcloth streaked with the remnants of his makeup hanging on the back of it. Leaning against the wall beyond the chair were the dark red angel wings. At the sight of them, Adam groaned out loud and his dick twitched. It was too much. There were too many emotions swarming him at the same time. I need to go home.

Kris returned with a huge glass of water and a little bottle of extra strength Tylenol. He sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled. “Good morning, beautiful, or should I say afternoon since it’s one o’clock.”

“Is it really?” Adam asked, trying not to open his mouth too much.

Kris chuckled. “Adam, do you really think I care about your morning breath? Here…” He opened the bottle and tapped out two pills. “Take these and drink that whole glass. I promise it’ll help you feel better.”

Adam took the medicine and the water, raised his head up a little and swallowed them down. He drank all of the water and then really did have to use the bathroom; he squirmed a bit.

Kris studied him for a minute. “I can tell you’re freaking out.”

“No…yes…I mean I am little but I also have to pee like a racehorse.”

“Oh jesus, that is too funny!” Kris said laughing, brown eyes crinkled in mirth.

“What?”

“You probably don’t remember, but you were talking about pee last night, and singing and…oh shit, I’m sorry,” he said and stopped laughing when he spotted the uncomfortable look on Adam’s face. “Come on, let me help you up.”

I need to go home. All he could think about now was the intense desire to get back to his sanctuary, to shower, call Ali and try to sort through his jumbled thoughts and feelings. Thank god I always ask for Halloween weekend off from work. He let Kris help him to his feet and just stood there a moment, trying to get his balance. Kris put an arm around his waist and kissed his neck, then looked up at Adam with worry.

“Matt is out, so no need to worry about…” Kris indicated their nakedness. Adam shivered and Kris’ brows furrowed even more. He left Adam for a moment and returned with a robe.

“Thanks.” Adam’s brain was still teeming and it was all he could do not to start laughing, crying and yelling all at once. The tension between them was becoming thick, palpable. This is unbearable. “I think I can make it on my own now,” he said putting on the robe, and walked to the hallway alone. He made it to the bathroom and sighed as he relieved himself, pressing his aching head on the cool tile wall above the toilet. Stop pushing him away…remember your dream? Do you want that to happen? Fuck. A tiny voice rose up amidst the storm in his head.  Maybe I should go back to therapy. Ugh, I can’t even think about that right now.

He turned on the water, splashed his face and rinsed his mouth out thoroughly. He spotted some mouthwash and used that, too, tried to fix his hair and left the bathroom. He felt steadier on his feet and his headache was starting to lessen a bit as the Tylenol kicked in. When he returned to Kris’ room, Adam saw him sitting naked on the bed with his head down, looking sad and cute. Do something, Lambert…reassure him somehow before bolting out of here. Adam walked over, kneeled before Kris and took hold of his hands. Kris lifted his head and Adam saw tears in those beautiful brown eyes. Fuck. You made him cry, you bastard. You better fix this…you can’t lose him.

“Thank you for taking care of me last night,” he said sincerely. “I’m not mad at you. I’m glad you brought me here. I know I put you in a terrible spot last night and…I’m sorry, Kris.”

“Adam, I would do anything for you…anything. I was so worried that you would feel rejected when I didn’t come home with you, but…” his voice trailed off and he wiped at his eyes.

Adam shook his head and squeezed Kris’ hands. “It’s okay, but listen, I really need to go home now.”

“What? You want to leave? But…but can’t we talk about his some more…please?” Kris asked with a hint of pleading in his voice.

“I can’t. My head is still killing me, I need a shower plus I wouldn’t know what to say anyway. It’s too fucking much right now.”

“You could shower here, and then…and then…”

Why is he doing this? Can’t he see that I need some space? We can talk about this later. “Kris, what the hell? I just need to go home and get my shit together, okay?” he said with a stab of annoyance.

“I guess I feel like somehow if you leave right now that…I don’t know…” Kris dropped his head again and whispered, “I’m scared of losing you.”

What? Well that’s backwards. “Why would you be afraid of losing me?”

“Because I’m worried that this is all going to be too much for you to handle, and you had some kind of nightmare last night and well, you’ve been through so much…” Kris said tentatively.

No…no no no! He stood up and stepped back from Kris. “So what you’re saying is that I’m some kind of damaged freak? Huh?” Adam said harshly, anger springing from the fear of his dream coming true.

Kris looked horrorstruck. “No! Oh my god, Adam, that’s no what I meant! I--”

But Adam was at his limit; his head was pounding again and he was completely overwhelmed. He tore off the robe and grabbed his clothes, pulling them on as he practically ran from the room.

“Adam! Come back! Don’t leave me!”

Adam halted just as his hand was on the handle of the front door. What are you doing? He turned around and saw Kris standing in the living room with a blanket wrapped around him and tears streaming down his face. Shit, Lambert, what the fuck do you think you’re doing? He took two long strides and enveloped Kris’ body in his arms. “Kris, Kris…I don’t understand…why are you so scared? Don’t you know that I’m not going anywhere? Don’t you know that I need you?” He looked down at Kris and kissed his forehead.

“You need me?” Kris asked in a wavering voice.

“Yes, baby, I do.” He ran a thumb under Kris’ eye to catch a tear.

Kris sniffed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve felt so strong, so confident recently, but last night I barely slept…I kept worrying about how you would feel when you woke up. I need you, too, Adam…so much.” He buried his head in the crook of Adam’s neck and choked out a little sob.

Adam stroked his head and whispered, “shhhh…it’s okay, my little rabbit.” He continued to murmur soothing words into Kris’ ear and held him tightly. After a few minutes, he put a finger under Kris’ chin, lifted his face and gazed into his watery eyes. You’re falling for him…you know you are. Adam bent his head and touched his lips gently to Kris’ trembling mouth. They lingered in a simple and sweet kiss -- little brushes and soft presses of lips.

Adam finally pulled back and ran a hand nervously through his hair. He took a deep breath to quell the butterflies in his stomach. Go on, you can do it. “I want you to come home with me, Kris, but I want to do it right. Can you give me some time to plan this?”

Kris’ face lit up with a beautiful smile. “Of course I can.” He pulled Adam’s head down for another kiss, this one more passionate, their tongues sweeping in and out hungrily until Adam let out a moan.

“You know how hot I am for you, baby, but I don’t think I can mange it right now,” Adam said with a small laugh. Well that’s got to be a first. “I think there is a knife in my head somewhere and…” He looked at Kris seriously, “I need a little space to get myself together, okay?”

“Okay, yeah…I can understand that.” Kris said, nodding his head. “Will you call me later though?”

“Absolutely.” Then he grinned slyly. “Maybe by tonight my head will be back to normal and I can make you come over the phone again.”

Kris shuddered. “Yes, please.”

Adam chuckled and gave him a last peck on the lips. “Okay, I’m going to go catch a cab and I’ll call you tonight…angel.” He smiled at the look of glee on Kris’ face and walked out the door. When he reached the sidewalk he pulled out his phone and pushed his speed dial. “Ali, I need your help.”

“You okay, puppy?”

“Yes. Ali…I want to go back to therapy.”

Kris’ grandma had made the quilt for him just before he had left Arkansas; it was blue with narrow white stripes and incredibly soft and warm. Kris stood in his living room, still naked and wearing the blanket like a cape, trying to process everything that had just happened. But he was so tired, both physically and emotionally that he was really just zoning out with a smile on his face. The same dog that was barking earlier suddenly decided to have at it again and the sound jolted him out of his stupor. After wrapping the quilt tightly around himself, he shuffled back to his bedroom, hobbling since he was sore from last night’s escapades. He fell, a Kris-burrito, onto his bed and was asleep almost as soon as he landed.

It was dark out when Kris woke to his stomach grumbling loudly. The quilt was twisted all around his body and he could barely move, but he didn’t mind. He felt warm and safe in his cocoon, like his grandma was hugging him tightly as she had when he was boy. She always knew when I needed an extra big hug. Something sparkly caught his eye and he turned his head to look at his pillow. Glitter. Jesus, that stuff gets everywhere! His stomach growled again and he tried to remember the last time he had anything to eat. Yeah, no…alcohol doesn’t count. He kicked and flailed until he was finally free of the blanket and got up to find some pajamas.

As he dug through a laundry basket, Kris thought about the nightmare that had made Adam scream so much. He must have been dreaming about his trauma. It had been terrifying to hear those sounds coming from Adam, and the only thing he could think to do was to cuddle him. It seemed to work, but he had been afraid about how Adam would react when he woke up and discovered that he was not in his own bed. But it would have been worse if I had gone home with him. He sighed deeply. I just never know…one minute he’s a fierce sexy beast, the next an emotional mess and then a sweet, sensitive boyfriend. He pulled out a pair of boxer shorts from the basket and slipped them on, then caressed the mark on his chest where Adam had bitten him last night with his fangs. I love him no matter what and I’m not giving up on him, but damn…sometimes it’s hard to keep up with the roller coaster. Like you were any better, crying like that this afternoon. But I need him.

If he was being honest with himself, Kris felt awed at the intensity of his feelings for Adam. He had never been obsessed with anyone like this, but he knew there was nothing he could do to change it, nor did he want to. The thought of Adam flipping out and running away had scared Kris enough that his confidence had suddenly toppled like a house of cards. But he said he needs me, too, and he really does want me to come to his apartment...it wasn’t just the alcohol talking. He smiled to himself at that and padded down the hallway towards the kitchen in search of food.

The door to Matt’s bedroom was open. Kris stuck his head in and saw him lounging on his bed with his laptop open. “Hey.”

Matt looked up and grinned. “Hey. Must have been some party last night, it’s six o’clock and you’re just now getting up? Is lover boy still sleeping?”

“What?” He must have heard us last night. “Oh. No, we were up earlier and he had to go home, but I was so tired. Anyway, hope we didn’t make too much noise coming in.”

“Naw, it’s all right, I fell right back to sleep. Jeff’s party was pretty good, but…” Matt squinted at him. “Uh, did you get hurt or something? Your chest…is that a bite mark?”

“Well Adam was dressed as a vampire,” he said, waggling his eyebrows and smirking, “and he--”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough…seriously,” Matt said abruptly, waving his arms and looking away.

Kris chuckled and continued towards the kitchen. I wonder if Adam will ever have male friends, I think he and Matt would get along great. After scrounging for a while and finding nothing that appealed to him, Kris called out to Matt, “Wanna order some pizza?”

“Can’t!” yelled Matt from his room, “I’m taking Jenny out tonight!”

“It’s about time you asked her out, I was getting ready to tell you to grow a pair!” Kris teased.

“Ha ha, very funny!”

“You know you love me! I’m getting pizza anyway and I’m not sharing for breakfast tomorrow!”

By seven-thirthy, Kris was full of his favorite BBQ pizza and sprawled out on the couch watching TV and waiting. When is he going to call me? He was not ashamed in the least to spend his whole evening waiting for a phone call from Adam because that’s what people do when they are in love. After a while he started to doze off and his phone dropped to the floor. A dream about vampires had just started to play in his mind when his loud ringtone went off and startled him so much that he fell off the couch with a shout. He scrambled for his phone with a thumping heart and touched the answer key.

“H-hello?” he said, breathing hard.

“Not starting without me, are you sexy?”

“No, I just fell off the couch when you called,” Kris said with a laugh, “I was kind of sleeping.”

“Hmm, should I let you get back to sleep then?” Adam asked playfully.

“Not a chance, gorgeous. Listen, before we get all hot and bothered, I just want to say, well, I’m sorry for being so useless earlier today.”

“Hey, don’t do that. You don’t need to apologize for being scared, there’s been plenty of times when I…” Adam trailed off and fell silent.

“Adam?”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I, um, kind of wanted to tell you something, too before we, uh, you know,” Adam said hesitantly.

Despite their declarations of mutual need this afternoon, Kris couldn’t help but feel nervous upon hearing these words and the uncharacteristic uncertainty in Adam’s voice. “Okay, what is it?”

“Shit, this is really hard for me to say, Kris, but I promised myself that I would. It’s just that…fuck.”

Oh god, please don’t break my heart! Kris stood up and began to pace, willing himself not to panic. “Adam, please just tell me.”

Adam sighed heavily on the other end. “Okay. I’m, well I’mgoingtogetsomehelp.”

“What?” Okay, that didn’t sound like ‘I’m leaving you.’ Calm down.

“Please don’t make me say it again.”

“But what did you say, I couldn’t understand you.”

“Fine. I’m going to get some help, okay? There.”

“Help with what? What do you me-- oh! You mean, like therapy?”

“Yes,” Adam said tersely.

“But that’s so awesome!” Be careful now, remember what he said about you thinking he was a damaged freak? “I mean if you think you need it?”

“I do, and well, I wasn’t going to tell you, but…”

“Thank you, Adam. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you did.” Kris felt his heart melting. He’s so brave, god I love him so much! “ So, when are you starting?” Hope that didn’t sound pushy.

“Next week. Fuck…I don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay?”

“No problem at all,” Kris said quickly. “Let’s move on to something more along the lines of hot sex.”

“Much better topic,” Adam said, sounding relieved. “I have the perfect idea, too. You still have your half of the tie, don’t you?”

“Course I do.” Kris replied and headed into his room.

“Good, now do what I say, baby, it’s my show,” Adam said firmly.

Kris’ dick was like Pavlov’s dog, twitching in response to Adam’s sex voice. I love it when he takes control like that. “I’ll do anything you say, I’m yours,” he said huskily.

“Get the tie and get naked,” Adam commanded.

Kris almost tripped over his own feet in his hurry to obey. He grabbed the tie from his guitar case and stripped quickly, then lay down on his bed. “Okay, I’m naked and ready. What are you doing?”

“We’re going to be like mirror images…I’m doing exactly what I tell you to do. Now lie down on your back, bend your knees and spread your legs for me, nice and wide. Let me see those cheeks open up, baby.”

Kris imagined Adam naked and spread out like that and his heart began to race. “Adam,” he moaned.

“Take that tie by one end and I want you to slowly trail it down your chest, down your stomach and over your cock…you’re so hard for me already, aren’t you?” Adam crooned.

“Yes,” Kris whispered, shuddering as the tie grazed his dick. Knowing that Adam was doing the same thing was driving him crazy. I can just see him, all those freckles and that full sized dick that I can still feel after last night.

“Keep going. Let it fall between your legs. Lift it up and down so you can feel it on your balls and over your hole…tilt your hips up if you have to, I want you to feel that silky smoothness right where I put my tongue on our very first night.

“I feel it, Adam,” Kris said, starting to breathe hard remembering how he was tied up, how Adam had licked him until he begged to be fucked.

“Mmmm…remember it, baby? How gorgeous you were as I stuck my tongue in you over and over again? How you begged for my cock?”

Kris saw it all in his mind again, felt Adam’s hands spread him apart, felt Adam’s wet tongue ravaging his hole. His dick throbbed against his stomach, dripping and aching. “Can I touch myself…please?”

“No, not yet. I want you to wrap that tie around and around your dick all the way up, and do it tight, Kris.”

Kris steadied the phone with his shoulder and did as Adam said, whimpering as he wound the cloth around his length, pulling it taught as he went.

“Now get those fingers nice and wet for me.” Kris suddenly heard Adam sucking on his fingers, smacking his lips around them and swirling his spit in his mouth. Oh my god, that is so hot. He stuck two fingers in his mouth and pumped them in and out. “Do it, Kris, push them into your hole all the way, feel my cock inside you…feel me grabbing your hips and pounding into you on that desk.” Kris could hear Adam panting now. “So tight…so hot.”

“You feel so good inside me…so good,” Kris groaned as he fucked his fingers in and out of his hole and recalled how Adam had stretched him open, made his muscles tremble, made him sweat and leak his pre-cum all over the desk. His knees fell all the way open and he angled his hand, thrusting his fingers rapidly now and touching that bundle of nerves inside every time. “Adam…please…let me…” he whined.

“Yes,” Adam puffed, “but don’t…stop…your fingers.”

Kris wrenched at his cock, sliding his hand up and down the smooth fabric and squeezing as he relentlessly fingered himself with his other hand.

“Faster, Kris, I want to hear…you scream…my name,” he panted.

“Yes…” Kris sped up both hands.

“Faster…” Adam ordered.

“Oh god…yes…”

“Harder…”

“Yes!…yes!…yes!”

“Take it off.”

Kris unwrapped the tie and stroked his cock one more time. “Yes! Adam!” he shouted, body clenching into a tight ball, his seed shooting out in hot waves.

“Oh…ohhh shit!  Kris!”

Kris was trembling from head to toe as if he had a raging fever. Love him…love him… “Damn…you sexy…you gorgeous, hot…”

Adam let out a long, throaty moan that quivered before dying out. “Fucking… unbelievable, angel…you were so beautiful…so beautiful.”

He fingered himself, too. I didn’t know he would do something like that. Kris pulled the quilt over his body and curled onto his side. He cuddled the phone to his ear, wishing that Adam were next to him, holding him. “How can I miss you so much?” he said as he started to relax into post-Adam bliss, “I want you here with me in my bed.”

“I want that, too, Kris. I mean you, in my bed.”

He wanted to tell Adam how much he loved him, how desperate he was to spend every waking moment with him. “Adam, I…” You can’t say that stuff to him yet, not yet. “I can’t wait for that.”

“Me, too,” Adam said quietly, “I’ve been thinking about it all day and I want to plan it for next week, for Thursday when I don’t work.”

Kris gasped in wonder and then swallowed a lump in his throat. “Wow. I don’t know what to say. Thank you for trusting me that much.”

Adam spoke in a whisper now, as if he were sharing a precious secret, and Kris could almost see his wide, fearful eyes. “Last night I dreamt that you left me. It scared me real bad and I can’t let that happen.”

Holy shit, that was his nightmare? Why is he so afraid of losing me? Can’t he see how devoted I am to him? “That’s not going to happen, I’m not going to leave you, Adam.”

“No matter what?” he asked.

Kris heard Adam’s unspoken question. Even if he is in therapy for the rest of his life, even if the roller coasters are a permanent feature of our relationship. “No matter what.”

“This is not going to be, you know, easy for me or for you either. I’m just warning you now, in case you want to change your mind.”

“Adam, I’m with you all the way…you’re not alone anymore.”

Chapter 18

“So, it’s a good idea, right? It’s not too soon?”

“It’s not my opinion that matters, Adam, what do you think?”

“Well, I’ve only known him just over a month.”

“Time doesn’t apply in this case. The question is, do you trust him?”

Adam sat back in the oversized chair and thought about it. As he did so, his eyes roamed around the room, taking in the certificates that had accumulated on the wall since the last time he’d been in this office.

He had spent the better part of an hour filling in his old therapist on the last eight years of his life. Okay, so he had skirted around his sex addiction a bit, but she was pretty damn clever and Adam knew she had probably figured it out. He hadn’t cried or revealed his deepest, darkest fears – no, but he did tell her that he hadn’t dated since he was nineteen and that he didn’t have any male friends. And, of course, she had not been surprised to hear that men were not allowed in his apartment. She had asked about his trauma symptoms, if he’d had any flashbacks, nightmares or suicidal thoughts since she had last seen him. “Yes to all three, but the last one, not since two years ago.” He told her about his flashback at Kris’ apartment, but wouldn’t tell her what had happened two years ago.

Am I really ready for this? Yes, I am. I trust him. I want him in my life. “I trust him, Sheila. I want him to come to my apartment,” he said resolutely.

“Okay then, I support you on this. It’s a really healthy step, and I’m very impressed by how much effort you are putting in to your relationship with Kris. Now, have you thought about what you are going to do if you get seriously triggered again?”

“Well, last time I kind of ran out on him and then called Ali,” Adam said, feeling heat rising up his chest and neck.

“Adam,” Sheila said leaning forward in her chair, “there’s no reason to be ashamed. You did the best you could in an unexpected and frightening situation, and thank goodness you have Ali, she was always such an excellent support for you and I’m glad she still is.”

Regardless of her words, Adam found it hard to push away the ever-present shame, his almost constant companion for nearly a decade that only seemed less intense when he was in control of things. That’s not entirely true anymore though…there have been times with Kris…

“I take it that you don’t want to run out on him again, though?” she asked.

“No, I really don’t, but…” he said looking down at his lap. I suck at this.

“Look at me.” She waited until she had eye contact. “You know that these flashbacks will never completely stop until you work through the unresolved issues and learn some more skills, right?” Adam sighed and nodded grudgingly. “In the mean time, if you do have one when you are with Kris, would you let him comfort you afterward instead of running away?”

Huh. “I’m not sure…maybe?” he said with a frown.

She studied him for a moment. “That’s perfectly fine to be uncertain. It’s your first time trusting a man like this, so do what feels right and use your supports if you need to. So, before we end today, why don’t you tell me a little about Kris?”

Adam’s face relaxed immediately and he smiled from ear to ear. “He’s so amazing, Sheila. He’s unbelievably gorgeous, and funny and smart, and patient with me, you know, plus he’s a singer and a musician, and oh my god, he plays the ukulele can you believe that and he’s sweet and cute but also kind of fierce and did I mention that he’s sexy as hell?”

Sheila chuckled. “Well, I can see that you are completely smitten with him,” she said with a smile.

Adam blushed and nodded.

“Alright, we’re out of time. Let’s set up an appointment for next week.”

***

Two days later, Adam woke up at nine o’clock without an alarm. It’s Thursday. Today. He’s coming over today. He leapt out of bed at once, his brain already in full gear. So much to do…oh my god how am I going to get it all done by six? Clean, shop, cook, then I’ve got to find the perfect outfit…damn Ali for having to work today!

After cleaning his apartment thoroughly and throwing in a load of laundry, Adam headed out to get groceries for his first ever dinner date. He happened to be an excellent cook; however, he had no idea what would appeal to Kris and he had never cooked for a man before. He likes sushi and Thai food, so he must be open to different things, but he’s from Arkansas, don’t they like meat and potatoes there? As he walked around the aisles trying to get inspired, he thought about the last two nights they had spent together. On Tuesday Kris had taken Adam to an open mic night at a local coffee shop where they both ended up singing two songs each. He’s so talented. I wish I could play the guitar. Adam smiled, remembering how they had made out in Kris’ car afterward until it drove them crazy and they eventually parked on a deserted street and had sex in the back seat like teenagers.

His smiled faltered when his brain moved on to last night. Of course, being with Kris in the club room after his show was as good as usual, but… I’m going to get fired, I know it. And after tonight, maybe I won’t even use that room anymore. I’ll lose at least half of my audience if not more. He was suddenly filled with indignation at being used for sex instead of appreciated for his singing ability. But the feeling was gone as soon as it came. You did this to yourself…you’re just a fucking worthless whore. No, whores are desperate…those men come to me, they are the desperate ones…right? He stopped and stood in the middle of the produce department next to a bin of grapefruit. Right?

“Sir, can I help you?”

“Huh…what? Oh, no. No, thank you I’m fine,” he told the smiling girl wearing a Whole Foods company shirt. She nodded and moved on. It doesn’t matter anyway, I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m with Kris now. But what if you weren’t? You’d still be doing it, wouldn’t you? Adam clenched his hands and gritted his teeth, then pushed away the thoughts and tried to focus on shopping again.

What should I make for him? Kris’ beautiful face loomed in his mind and he sighed. The smiling employee spotted his besotted expression and giggled.

5:30pm. Adam was dressed to impress in a pair of black skinny jeans, a fitted button down blue shirt that matched his eyes and just a hint of eyeliner. He was standing in front of his dresser and rolling up his cuffs when he caught sight of the bed in the mirror. It was made with hospital style precision; the corners were folded and tucked perfectly and not a single wrinkle could be seen on the entire surface. My bed. I’m going to take Kris into my bed tonight. His stomach writhed with nerves and excitement. I can’t believe this is really going to happen. He drew in a shaky breath and went to the kitchen to check on the sauce, stopping once to straighten a picture frame on the wall.

“Mmmm…perfect,” he said after tasting the shitake mushroom-wine sauce that he had made from scratch. The rest of the meal was fairly simple: roasted asparagus and baked potatoes that were just finishing up in the oven, and some tender cuts of steak that were seasoned and waiting to be grilled. Everything is just right. Adam threw the steaks on the grill pan and walked around his apartment to give it a last check. He ended his inspection by closing his bedroom door and went back to the kitchen to finish cooking.

Six o’clock came and went. I bet he’s trying to find parking. Adam paced, willing himself not to pick at his nail polish. He glanced at his reflection in the hallway mirror. I look good. The food is good. It’s all going to be good. Then why do I feel like puking? There was a knock on the door. Oh shit…shit shit shit. Okay, calm down, you can do this. It’s Kris, remember? You’re going to be fine.

He opened the door. “Wow,” he said, staring open-mouthed at Kris.

“Right back at ya,” Kris said with hungry eyes, “you look good enough to eat.”

Adam continued to gawp at him, dressed to kill in a pair of tight jeans, a black v-neck shirt that clung to his pecs and a leather jacket. Adam’s body was responding from just looking at him and he noticed with a glance down that Kris was in the same predicament. They stared for a few more seconds and then met in the middle for a searing kiss. Adam filled his hands with Kris’ perfect ass and pulled him up to his toes so that their mouths could have their way with each other. “I’ve got…dinner…waiting,” Adam said a minute later, slightly out of breath.

“Right…yeah,” said a winded Kris. He sniffed the air. “Something smells amazing in there.”

Oh. We’re still in the hallway. Adam took Kris’ hand and walked quickly over the threshold into his apartment, as if doing it fast would make it easier. There, I did it. “So…” he said, wringing his hands.

Kris took Adam’s hands in his. “Thank you, for letting me in,” he said, looking deeply into Adam’s eyes.

Adam blinked a few times but felt too overwhelmed to saying anything. I think I might love him. He cleared his throat. “How about we eat first and I’ll show you around later.”

“Sounds excellent, I’m starving.” Kris took his jacket off and followed Adam into the kitchen where a small table was set for two. “Wow,” Kris murmured, looking at the perfectly arranged settings. He ran a finger over a ringed cloth napkin. “You don’t do anything half way, do you?” Adam beamed and began carrying platters of food to the table. “Jesus, Adam, I’m totally embarrassed to say that my cooking skills don’t go beyond Ramen noodles,” Kris said with a laugh.

He is too fucking adorable. How did I end up with a football-loving bachelor type of guy? Adam motioned for Kris to sit and began serving up the food. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I just…”

“It looks amazing, really, I’m stunned here. You didn’t have to go through all this trouble.”

“Actually, I love to cook, I’ve just never done it for, you know, a date or anything.” I’m having a dinner date at my apartment! The thought made him giggle nervously, but he quickly turned it into a cough. “Anyhow, I hope you like your steak a little rare.” He spooned some of the sauce over the steak and asparagus and handed the plate to Kris. “And I have no idea what you like to drink. I’ve got wine, beer, soda, water, a bunch of different juices and…”

Kris chuckled and gazed at Adam lovingly. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

“Wine it is.” Adam said and got the bottle of Cabernet that he had opened earlier to let it breathe a bit. He poured a little in each of their glasses and waited for Kris to start eating.

“Oh my god, Adam, this is incredible! What is in this sauce?” Kris asked after his first bite.

He likes it! Okay, really now, enough with the little boy routine, Lambert. “Oh just some mushrooms and a few other things,” he said carelessly, but he couldn’t help feeling ridiculously satisfied with himself. They ate in silence for a few minutes.

“So I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Kris began halfway through the meal, “have you ever recorded anything?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I have. I’ve been working on a demo album. Oh, that reminds me, I listened to yours, Kris, and it’s really good, I mean…you’re going to get picked up for sure.” Adam didn’t reveal that he’d been listening to the tracks on repeat ever since Kris gave it to him. Music was an easy subject, and they spent the remainder of dinner talking about their musical influences and their ambitions to become recording artists.

That went really well. Adam brought the dishes to the sink and turned around to find Kris standing right in front of him. 

“What’s for dessert?” he asked with sexy grin.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Adam teased. “But you’ll have to be patient, angel. Come on, let me give you the dime tour.” Got to do this right, even though he’s technically been here before.He walked Kris slowly around the living room, giving him a chance to see pictures and other personal items. Adam was ready with responses to any questions Kris might have, but Kris just looked and smiled and let Adam take the lead. They moved into the hallway and to Adam’s studio off to the right. Kris let out an audible gasp when he saw inside the room. “This is so cool! Man, I would kill for a setup like this!”

“Thanks!” Adam said with pride. He shut the studio door and waved a hand to the left. “That’s the bathroom, not much to see there and…” My bedroom. He led Kris to the end of the hallway and stood in front of the closed door.

“Adam,” Kris said squeezing Adam’s hand, “we don’t have to go in there tonight. I’m fine if you want to take things slow.”

Adam shook his head. “It’s been slow enough already, Kris,” he said turning to face him, “I want you in my bed, on purpose this time.” He breathed in sharply and opened the door on the exhale. “Give me your hands.” Kris offered his hands and Adam took them, and then pulled him into the room walking backwards. When he felt his legs hit the bed he stopped and embraced Kris in a tight hug. Adam knew he was trembling a bit and tried to force his body to relax.

“Why don’t we just sit and talk for a while,” suggested Kris.

That’s not a bad idea, but I’ve got a better one. “No, let’s watch TV instead.”

“You have a TV in here?” Kris asked sounding impressed.

“Mm-hmm.” Adam walked to the large cabinet opposite his queen-sized bed and opened the door to reveal a 42-inch flat screen TV.

“Nice! Perfect for football,” Kris teased.

“We are not watching that, I don’t care how many times they slap each other’s ass.” Adam walked to the bed and kicked his shoes off before he climbed onto it, moved the pillows aside and sat leaning against the headboard. He patted the spot next to him. “Come here.”

Kris toed off his shoes and joined Adam. “Okay, no football,” he said with a mock sigh.

Adam chuckled and put an arm around Kris as he turned the TV on with the remote. This is nice. We’re cuddling on my bed and it’s okay. Kris snuggled into Adam’s side and they started watching ‘The Office.’

“Oh my god,” Kris said half shielding his eyes, “the second hand embarrassment is almost too much, but I love this show.” He groaned at Michael’s behavior and laughed loudly at the antics between Dwight and Andy.

Adam turned his head and looked at Kris fondly. So cute, so sexy… and look at how patient he has been. He’s amazing…I’m so lucky.

Kris caught Adam staring at him. “What?” he asked, still chuckling from the scene on TV.

“You’re amazing.” Adam said seriously and brushed hand his across Kris’ face.

Kris stopped laughing and twisted his upper body to face Adam. “No more than you,” he responded quietly. He held Adam’s hand to his cheek and then kissed it.

Adam turned off the TV, tossed the remote on his bedside table and stared at Kris. The intensity of feelings coursing through him made it feel like he had never truly experienced them before: trust, desire, affection, concern…love. He was awed by the beauty of the emotion and a little scared by it at the same time. “Kris,” he said in wide-eyed wonder, then cupped Kris’ face and brought their mouths together. He licked the seam of his lips and was rewarded with immediate entrance. Adam took his time exploring and even swiped his tongue across Kris’ bottom teeth. Kris moaned and wound his fingers tightly into Adam’s hair.

Suddenly Adam wanted to be in absolute control of the situation. If he were being honest with himself, he enjoyed Kris’ assertiveness, but tonight Adam needed him to be completely submissive. He stopped the kiss and tried to speak in a confident tone. “Be a good bottom for me tonight, baby…okay?”

Kris nodded and withdrew his hands from Adam’s hair, showing that he understood the request. “Whatever you want,” he said softly.

Adam started to undress Kris, pulling his shirt over his head, and saw the bite mark on his chest. He caressed the spot and then got to work on those tight sexy jeans. When he saw that Kris was completely bare beneath them, he couldn’t help but groan with desire and tugged the pants off quickly. Adam was still getting used to foreplay and taking things slower than he was accustomed to, and he couldn’t figure out if he wanted to be rough and fast or slow and sweet with Kris.

Once Kris was naked, Adam stopped thinking and let his instincts take over, pushing Kris onto his back and straddling his upper chest. He stuck his index finger into Kris’ mouth, hooked it behind his lower teeth and pressed down. “Open wide, angel.” Kris obeyed at once and Adam felt a chill run down his spine at seeing that waiting, hot mouth stretched open for him. He stroked his cock a few times and slapped it lightly on Kris’ bottom lip.

Kris licked his lips and then stuck his tongue all the way out.

“Ohhhh, my little rabbit, so sexy…so fucking hot,” Adam moaned as he eased his length inside Kris’ mouth. He knew from their very first night together that Kris could take whatever he gave him. Slowly, he slid himself in and out, in and out, thrilling at the feel of Kris’ tongue on the underside of his dick. He leaned forward onto his knees, placed his hands on the headboard, and continued to glide gently back and forth. “Close,” he said.

Kris closed his lips around Adam and moved to grab him but then stopped himself. “No, do it, Kris, I want you to touch me.” Kris smiled around Adam’s dick and clutched his ass, but not too firmly; he just let his hands rest there without pulling Adam in. Shit, so fucking good… “S-so good,” Adam stuttered and began to drive a little harder and deeper. He felt Kris hum and then relax his throat. “Ohhhh…oh god, baby…yes…” Adam panted and increased his speed, fucking Kris’ mouth again and again. He dropped his head and leaned all of his weight on his hands as he thrust without holding back now. “World class,” he muttered, looking down at Kris.

Adam saw Kris’ lips stretched around him and his shining eyes gazing up at him with worship, and that combination nearly sent him over the edge. “Hold me tighter…yes, fuck, just like that…pull me in, angel.” So much for staying in control. Adam couldn’t help it; he loved feeling Kris swallow him down, loved knowing that he was wanted that much. “Harder.” Kris gave a muffled groan and gripped Adam’s ass, sucking firmly as he stuffed his face with Adam’s cock.

Adam’s voice grew louder and higher in pitch. “Yes…ohmyyygoddd yes!” He slammed his cock into Kris’ mouth and pounded his fists on the wall as his cum pumped down Kris’ throat. “Angel… Kris… ohhhhh,” he moaned as Kris sucked him dry, drinking every last drop until Adam couldn’t hold himself up anymore and he collapsed backwards, shifting his body in midair so that he landed on the bed. Shit…how the fuck does he make me come apart like that? His chest heaved almost painfully as he tried to catch his breath. “Kris…come to me.”

Kris clambered over to Adam and let his body be engulfed by Adam’s arms and legs. “Best dessert ever,” Kris murmured, running his tongue over his lips as if he were savoring a delicious treat.

Goddamn! Someday I hope I can return the favor. And just like that, Adam didn’t care about control.  He wanted to give something to Kris, to make him feel how he was feeling, loved, cared for…adored. He sat up and brought Kris with him. "My sweet angel,” he whispered, and kissed him with all the affection and passion he could muster, tasting himself on Kris and longing, yearning for him. As they kissed, Adam guided them back down on the bed, cradling Kris with one hand behind his head and the other beneath his upper back. Resting on his forearm, Adam looked at the man before him and felt blessed for the first time in ten years.

Softly and tenderly, he began to kiss Kris’ body, first his forehead, then his neck and collarbone, moving down slowly to explore every inch of him with his mouth, wanting to know him completely. Never in my life did I think this was possible, that I would feel this way about another man. Kris moaned quietly and ran his fingers through Adam’s hair when he could reach it. Adam neared Kris’ groin and tried not to hesitate before kissing his length gently, then he poked out his tongue and tasted it briefly. Kris shuddered and writhed a little. Adam smiled and licked it again, watching how Kris responded. He wanted to do what Kris had done, but he knew he wasn’t ready for that yet. I’ll give him the best that I can.

“Adam,” Kris said hoarsely, “you don’t have to.”

“I want to, Kris. I know I won’t be as good as you were, but…I want to make you feel good.” Before Kris could say another word, Adam opened his mouth and lowered it halfway down, and then stopped to absorb the sensations. Tangy, soft, smooth. He moved his tongue around back and forth a little and then pulled off.

Kris was visibly trembling and panting. “Adam…baby…more?” he asked hopefully.

“More,” Adam replied, and went back down, this time about three-quarters of the way. He formed his lips into a circle and carefully moved his head up and down, making sure that the tip didn’t touch the back of his throat. He heard Kris moaning and pounding the bed with his fists. “Adam…oh god baby, feels so good,” Kris groaned and whipped his head from side to side on the bed. I’m doing that. I’m making him feel that way. Maybe I can go a little deeper. No. Stop now before it gets away from you. You have all the time in the world to practice this. He kissed the head one last time and sat up, smiling and pleased with himself.

Kris looked frantic with need now. His dick was rock hard, covered in Adam’s spit and streaming pre-cum onto his stomach. “Want you so bad…please…please,” he begged, clenching his fists on the bed.

Adam got up, went to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer, which was full to overflowing with condoms. He grabbed one along with one of the many bottles of lube that were piled in the drawer. When he returned to the bed, Adam could tell that Kris was doing his best to hold off from touching himself. He settled in between Kris’ legs, lifted them and pushed his knees back far enough that his ass was level with Adam’s mouth. If Adam prided himself on anything sexually, it was his ability to drive men insane with his tongue in and around that sensitive ring of muscle. True, he was picky about who got that kind of special treatment in the past, but right now he wanted nothing more than to make Kris come apart with pleasure. He spread Kris with his hands and licked a long path across his hole.

“Ohhhh, jesus…Adam…I don’t know how long I can stand that, baby.”

“Mmmm,” was Adam’s only reply. Then he began to kiss Kris’ entrance as if it were his mouth, thrusting his tongue in and out, licking all around it and taking in big mouthfuls of skin with his lips.

“Adam…that is…holy mother of god!” Kris cursed. He started to whine as Adam carried on relentlessly rimming him. Love his taste, it’s so…him. Again and again Adam fucked Kris with his tongue and mouth until Kris was literally crying and shouting.  Adam looked up and saw tears leaking from Kris’ eyes and decided to have mercy on him at last. He sat back, put on the condom and pushed into Kris, slowly. Adam had made a habit of avoiding eye contact during sex because it was too intimate, but this time, he made sure to do so. He hovered over Kris and looked straight into his eyes as he began to move in and out, but he could only stand it for about a minute…it’s like looking into the sun…before had to lean down and kiss him. He thought that maybe this was what people meant by the phrase ‘making love.’

Kris wrapped his legs around Adam and they struck a rhythm, but Adam knew that Kris was desperate for release. He reached down and began to pump Kris’ cock in time to his thrusts. Kris was beyond words now and he just moaned louder and louder as Adam drove into him with an ever-increasing pace and jerked him off simultaneously. Faster and faster Adam pounded and then, daringly, he sat back just a little and licked a long, wet stripe right up Kris’ dick. “Uhhhh! Yesssss!” Kris hollered and clenched his entire body around Adam so tightly that it almost knocked the wind out of him. Witnessing that kind of abandon was more than Adam could take and he fell over the edge with a last thrust, crying out for Kris.

Sweat beaded on their bodies, dripping down their temples and onto Adam’s now wrinkled bedspread. They didn’t move for a while, arms and legs tangled together and cum everywhere. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move again…ever,” said Kris finally.

Adam chuckled but he didn’t stir. “I’ll take that as a complement.” He breathed in Kris’ scent and felt nothing but pure bliss. After a while his back started to feel cold as the sweat dried and he mentally kicked himself for making the bed so well. “Angel, I want to get under the covers with you and cuddle.”

Kris groaned as Adam rolled off of him. “Are you sure we’ll be able to? Looks like your blanket is painted onto your bed,” he said with a smirk.

“Ha ha.” Adam got up, shivering, and gave the blanket and top sheet a hard yank. “There, now scoot your smart ass under already…I’m freezing.” He got back in and encircled his long limbs around Kris, spooning him from behind. “Ahhh,” he sighed, feeling Kris’ warmth next to him, “that’s better.” They were both asleep in the next minute.

Adam woke up a little later and checked the clock on his bedside table. 9:30pm. Kris was still sound asleep in his arms, but Adam suddenly felt wide-awake. He was so comfortable and happy that he decided to watch a little TV rather than extricate himself from Kris. Adam reached back and fumbled for the remote until his hand finally landed on it. He turned on the TV but set the volume to 1 so it wouldn’t wake Kris. Oooh, Supernatural is on. Damn, I missed the first half. He liked the show but soon discovered that his alertness was short lived, and just made it to the end before he drifted back to sleep with the sound of the ten o’clock news coming on in the background.

“And the top news story tonight: Sam Clarke has escaped from California State prison today. Clarke was initially charged with statutory rape, assault and battery ten years ago.  Seven others involved in the same crime were also charged at that time but remain imprisoned.  Clarke was released two years ago after serving his sentence but was almost immediately arrested and imprisoned again after committing armed robbery. The details of his escape are still unclear, but police have launched a full search and investigation…”

Adam and Kris slept on, bodies pressed closely together, undisturbed until dawn.

Chapter 19

“And that’s our top stories this morning. Next up on KTLA Morning News, how you can save money by shopping green.”

Huh? Kris’ eyes fluttered open and he saw the garish lights of the TV flickering in the still dark room. Ugh…what time is it? He squinted and saw 6:35am on the cable box above the TV. Where is the damn remote…ahhh, yes… he clicked off the power and snuggled back into Adam.

He woke again hours later to the feel of soft fingers playing up and down his chest. “Morning, beautiful, what time is it?”

“Sorry, angel, I just couldn’t help myself. It’s nine o’clock.”

“Don’t apologize, I love the feel of your hands on me any time. Nine o’clock huh? Excellent, so we have the whole day to stay in bed,” Kris sighed, and pulled Adam’s arms around him tighter.

“Well I don’t have to be to work until later tonight, that’s true, but I am feeling rather…sticky.”

Kris chuckled. “Me too, and I think we might have messed up your amazingly well made bed—oh nonono heeyyy! No fair, tickling is not fairrrr aaahhhhhh! I surrender! I surrender!” Kris squirmed and laughed until Adam suddenly stopped. He panted, out of breath, and discovered that Adam was on top of him, pinning his hands down and looking at him with mischievous eyes. Kris felt Adam’s hard length against his own and instantly forgave him for the tickle attack.

“I have you at my mercy now, my little rabbit, there’s no escape.” Adam said in a predatory voice.

“Oh damn. What ever am I going to do?” Kris said huskily and rolled his hips, grinding their erections together.

Adam ground back and began moving his hips in slow, steady circles. “I think you’re going to do whatever I tell you to,” he whispered into Kris’ ear, “and right now I think you’re going to come and take a shower with me.”

Kris moaned and nodded helplessly. Okay, that is definitely worth getting out of bed for. “Best idea ever,” he said, but was unable to stop himself from wrapping his legs around Adam as they rutted against each other.

Adam reached down and held their cocks together as he thrust over and over.

“Don’t stop, yes…yes!”

But suddenly Kris felt firm pressure around the base of his dick. “Time to shower now,” said Adam and jumped out of the bed, giggling as he practically skipped out of the room.

“Oh no you didn’t! You are just full of evil this morning!” Kris yelled as his body tried to recover from being so cruelly denied.

“You know you love me!” Adam sang out.

Kris chuckled. It was something that he and Matt often said, a sign of their comfort with each other, and it made him happy to see Adam starting to relax and show the many sides of his personality. He was playful around his family. I’m part of his life now, too. Kris felt a warm glow at the thought and smiled broadly. Wait a minute, what the hell am I still doing in bed? Shower sex…hello! He scrambled up and hurried down the hallway, guided by the sound of the water running.

“What took you so long, gorgeous?” Adam purred when Kris drew back the shower curtain.

Oh my god. Naked, wet, soapy Adam...and he’s… Kris’ dick sprang back to life as he watched Adam stroke himself, foamy lather sliding down his chest and looking as if he’d just stepped out of the gay magazine that Kris used to jerk off to when he was a teenager. Something that sounded like “uhyeahwaaa” fell out of Kris’ gaping mouth and he drooled a little.

Adam continued to put on a show for Kris. He started to moan and arched his head back, exposing his long neck so that the water ran down it in little rivulets that made Kris want to lap at them. “Ohhh yeeaahhhh…” Adam groaned as he worked his cock, “that’s right, baby…uuhhhhhh…” He caught his lower lip in his teeth, closed his eyes in pleasure and grunted with every pump of his hand, “mm…mm…mm…”

Kris’ eyes bugged out of his head and he wrapped a hand around his throbbing dick, pulling at it steadily as if he were watching a porn flick.

“So good,” Adam went on, “you want me, angel, you know you want all of this, don’t you?” He started thrusting into his hand and stared at Kris like a beast.

A string of saliva hung from Kris’ bottom lip and stretched down a foot before it broke free. “Guh,” was all he could manage. His mind was blank; nothing existed except the scorching beauty of Adam.

“Gonna give it to you, baby, gonna push it in nice and deep…uh…uh…uh…take it, take it…”

Kris stumbled forward, suddenly desperate to have Adam’s cock inside of him. He clambered over the side of the tub, bent over as far as he could, spread his cheeks with his hands and presented himself to Adam. He caught his breath as he felt something cool and smooth trickle down his crack.

“Such a good rabbit,” Adam murmured and started massaging Kris’ hole with his thumbs, lathering the body wash and pushing the tips of his thumbs inside.

Kris moaned and then heard the unmistakable ripping sound of a condom packet. A few seconds later, that glorious, full sensation was traveling deep into center of his body over and over.

The water hit the base of Kris' spine and ran to his upside down head, making a waterfall in front of his face as it fell from his hair. Holy shit, he’s fulfilling every one of my fantasies, one by one. He groaned and spread his legs wider until they hit the sides of the tub.

“Hands on your thighs, baby,” commanded Adam. “Goddamn, your ass was made just for me.”

Thwack! A sharp sting exploded on Kris’ left cheek and his knees buckled. “Adam!…again, again,” he pleaded. SMACK! “UHH! Moremoremore…” Four more times Adam spanked him and then – Kris gasped so deeply that he sucked in a bit of water and coughed, which only heightened the sensation of a soapy, slippery finger pushing in alongside Adam's cock. “Oh god!” he cried out and moved to grasp his dick. But just then Adam removed his finger and pulled Kris up by the shoulders. All the blood rushed into his head and he leaned back against Adam to steady himself.

The water pounded onto his chest as Adam embraced him, jerking up into him so hard that he was forced to his toes again and again.  A long fingered hand curled around his dick and he slumped backward while Adam jerked him off and blew his mind. An eruption of pleasure ripped through Kris’ body and he marked the tile walls with ribbons of cum.

“Fuck!” shouted Adam, now driving furiously and loosing his rhythm in wild abandon.

Kris was a fucked out rag doll held together by Adam’s dick and strong arms squeezing him tightly. His head lolled and his spent cock swayed to the frantic movements behind him. He knew somewhere in his hazy brain that Adam was on the edge.

“Goddammit!” With his last thrust, Adam lifted Kris right off of his feet.

How did he get so strong? Adam lowered them to the bottom of the tub and Kris lay back against him, feeling tipsy with love and reveling in the warmth of the water and Adam cradling him.

Adam started to kiss his neck and ears. “You are the most… amazing… sexy… hot… beautiful…” he said in between kisses. “I’ll never get tired of you, my angel, of touching you, being with you.”

I love him. God, I hope he loves me, too. “Me too, baby, me too,” Kris said softly. Adam squeezed him and then picked up the bottle of body wash and a cloth from the side of the tub.

“Let me clean you.” Adam took his time, gently soaping as much of Kris’ body as he could in their position. When he was done he stood them up slowly and they kissed and washed each other until the water started to run cool.

By the time they got out of the shower, their fingers and toes were wrinkled and Kris’ stomach gave a loud rumble. “Got any cereal?” Kris asked as he wrapped a towel around his hips.

“Cereal?” Adam snorted. “Come on, you think I didn’t have this all planned out? I’m making omelets! Cereal…” He shook his head, pulled on a robe and opened the bathroom cabinet. “Here, you can use these for now, although I kind of like you in that towel,” he smirked, handing Kris a folded t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

“Wow, you thought of everything, didn’t you?”

Adam shrugged. “That’s just how I am, I guess. I like to be prepared.”

“I’m grateful,” said Kris. “Last night…this morning…Adam, it’s been so amazing being here with you. I hope…” I hope I can keep coming here, I hope that you love me. I hope that I won’t get my heart broken.

“What?”

“I…well, you work tonight, right?” Kris asked feeling somehow that he was about to push his luck.

“Oh baby, don’t you worry about that,” Adam said. He pressed his lips briefly to Kris’. “We’re not going back to the club room anymore. I want you to come back here, to my place now.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“And…do you, you know….” Shit, this is hard to ask. Kris took a deep breath. “Do you still need me to?”

Adam frowned, looking hurt and confused. “Don’t you want to be with me?”

“Of course I do! If I didn’t have to work or go to school, I’d be following you around like a horny, lovesick puppy!” Whoops! Well, that isn’t the same as saying I love you…oh jeez, please don’t let that freak him out.

“Lovesick?”

Kris shivered, hoping he was imagining the feeling of foreboding in his gut. “Yes, Adam, lovesick. And…well I don’t think I would recover if you…if one of those men…”

Adam’s eyes flew open in shock. “You think I would cheat on you? Oh my god, you don’t…you don’t trust me?” he asked with a note of panic in his voice.

Fuck! Why the hell did I say anything at all? “That’s not it, that’s not what I meant. Adam no, I trust you, I do.” He took Adam by the shoulders and looked into his troubled eyes. “I trust you.” I just think you’re addicted to sex. “But what if I was sick and I couldn’t be there, what if they convinced you somehow?”

“Kris, I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you think I would do that to you,” Adam said sadly.

“I don’t think you would on purpose…it’s just…you seem to need me so much, need, you know, sex…a lot. I’m not complaining! I want it as much as you do, believe me! I’m only saying this because…because…” I LOVE YOU, YOU GORGEOUS IDIOT!

“Because you think I’m a damaged freak and I won’t be able to help myself, right?” Adam spat. He turned away roughly and tried to leave, but Kris held on to his shoulders.

“No, I do not think you’re a damaged freak! You’re a beautiful, amazing person and I couldn’t bear it if someone else touched you because I love you!” Kris, you stupid, stupid dope, what are you doing?

“You…you love me?” Adam’s eyes grew wide and he pressed his hand to his mouth.

Kris sighed and mentally kicked himself. Might as well spill it all now. “Yes. I love you. If I could, I’d spend every waking moment showing you just how much I love you.” He looked into Adam’s face and tried to figure out what he saw there. Fear, anger, surprise? But Adam’s expression was inscrutable. Kris dropped his gaze and prepared for the worst, but suddenly Adam threw him against the wall and kissed him so fiercely that his breath was stolen right out of his lungs. He clutched Adam tightly and put every ounce of love in his heart into the kiss. Oh my heart, oh my Adam.

Adam’s hands were everywhere, touching, grabbing, petting, holding Kris – trying to climb right into him. At last he pulled back and held Kris by the face. “Kris…Kris…angel…oh my god, you love me, you love me, you’re not leaving me, you love me.” Adam kissed him rapidly five times on the lips and then crushed him to his chest.

Please love me, too, please please please. Kris felt a wet drop on his shoulder and raised his eyes. Adam’s face was aglow with joy; his eyes were squeezed shut and tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Adam…baby, I love you, but I can’t breathe.”

Adam chuckled and eased up a bit. “I’m sorry…I just…shit, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my entire life. Kris…” He stepped back and wiped at his eyes. “You’ll soon discover that I am extremely loyal to the people I care about.”

Care about? Care? And what about before? What about that one time?

“I know that I have issues with sex. I know what you’re thinking, about that time after I had the flashback, but that was before…before I realized how much I need you, how much I…” He swallowed hard.

Please…say it.

But Adam just shook his head and continued. “I might have to come to your apartment in the middle of the night, I may drag you out of a class or accost you at work, but I will never, ever be unfaithful to you. I don’t care how many men throw themselves at me, unless it’s you, they can all fuck off.” He stared deeply into Kris’ eyes. “Okay? Because…because, it’s just not going to happen because…I…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I love you, angel.”

Upon hearing those words, Kris could not hold it together. He burst into tears and threw his arms around Adam. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me!

“Shhhhh, baby…I love you, Kris, I love you, I love you.” Adam murmured, stroking Kris’ head and back. He bent down and picked Kris up bridal style in his arms and walked back to the bedroom.

They made tender love amidst their tears and professions of devotion, eyes and bodies locked together on Adam’s bed. After crying out in mutual bliss, they wrapped their limbs around each other and kissed slowly until they became drowsy.  Kris yawned, hugged Adam tightly and thought about the very first time he had been in this bed, and just how far they had come since that day.

Chapter 20

“That was incredible,” Kris said as he finished off the omelet and patted his stomach appreciatively, “and way better than cereal. Thank you.”

Adam smiled, kissed him on the top of the head and picked up their plates from the table. How weird is it that I like to take care of him? But no one who really knew Adam would have found this odd in the slightest; he had displayed a kind and giving nature since he was a small boy. The present day Adam, however, was used to men doing whatever he wanted and trying their hardest to please him. Everything is different with Kris. Adam didn’t feel scared or vulnerable for wanting to make him happy. So weird. It was similar to a feeling he’d had a long, long time ago about… CRASH! The plates fell to the floor and he stood stock-still in the middle of the kitchen.

“Adam! Are you okay?” Kris jumped up from the table and rushed to his side.

“I’m fine…fine, Kris…” Adam shook himself, bent down and started picking up the larger of the broken pieces. What the fuck? Where did that come from?

“Are you sure? You look pale and shaky.”

Adam saw Kris’ worried face and felt ashamed for his moment of weakness. “It’s nothing, really, my hand just slipped.” But lying to Kris made Adam’s stomach turn. It’s about trust, Lambert. He sighed heavily. “Actually I remembered something, like that time we were at the Thai restaurant.”

Kris’ brows creased in concern, but all he did was kiss Adam on the cheek and start to help clean up. Adam felt relieved at Kris’ restraint in not asking about his memory. Probably knows I wouldn’t want to talk about it. Damn, he’s so amazing.

“Do you have a broom somewhere?” Kris asked, looking around the kitchen, “there might be some little pieces on the--”

“I love you,” Adam said cutting him off, and then embraced him in a passionate kiss.

Kris looked a little dazed after Adam released him. “I love you, too, my sexy beast.”

“A beast, am I?” Adam smirked. “Only because I’m so hungry for you, my little rabbit. I just can’t seem to get enough of you.”

“I am so not complaining, and the feeling is mutual. I’ll be your prey anytime.”

“Mmmmm, come here.”

They were just about to have sex amidst the remnants of brunch when they heard a loud knock at the door. “Fuck, whoever that is just made my shit list,” Adam said with annoyance. He pulled up his pajama pants and Kris hopped off of the table and grabbed the sweatpants he’d been wearing a minute ago. It’s probably Neil. Ali knew not to bother me today. But to Adam’s surprise, it was indeed a very nervous looking Alisan on the other side of the door.

“Ali, you know how much I love you, but you just interrupted what was about to be kitchen table sex with a man who is wearing my clothes this morning. That’s a serious offense, but if you leave now, I might still be able to--”

“You know I would never have come here today under normal circumstances, but I really need to talk to you.”

That’s true, she never would have, and why does she look so worried? “Are you okay? Did something happen?” he asked, suddenly concerned.

“Can I come in? I know Kris is here, but this can’t wait, puppy.”

Adam let her in. “What’s wrong? You’re making me really nervous, Ali.”

“Who is it, Adam? Oh, hi Ali!” Kris said brightly as he came in from the kitchen. He looked at their worried faces and his smile faded.

“Why don’t we all sit down?” Alisan suggested. “Actually, I think it’s really good that Kris is here, too.”

Adam did not like this, not one bit. Whatever Ali had to say was serious shit, he was certain of it. He took Kris by the hand and they sat on the couch together. Alisan sat on an oversized chair opposite them. “I take it that you didn’t catch the evening news last night.”

“Why on earth would I watch the news when I have this gorgeous boy to play with?” He squeezed Kris’ hand and threw him the a little smile. Kris grinned and wiggled closer to him.

“Adam…honey, Sam escaped from prison yesterday.”

Adam felt nothing, thought nothing, and said nothing. He just sat on the couch and stared blankly at Alisan.

“What’s going on? Who’s Sam?” Kris asked, frowning as he tried to get a response from Adam. He reached over and touched him on the shoulder. Adam jumped up, looked around wildly and ran from the room.

“Adam!” Kris called after him.

But he ignored Kris and bolted into the bathroom. He slammed the door and locked it. No. No. This can’t be happening. This can’t…no. Not again! NO. Panic flooded him and he gripped his hair painfully as he began to pace. He tried to fight them, the memories that were just beyond his consciousness, the images and sounds that threatened to render him helpless. Someone knocked on the door.

“Adam, please come out so we can help you.”

Ali. Kris is out there, too. I can’t let him see me like this…weak, afraid…afraid… the fuzzy pictures were starting to get clearer, the voices louder. NO! I can fight them…I can…I’m strong…no, I’m weak, pathetic, a freak…they were right about me all along. And with that thought, the memories crashed down and he began to re-experience it all over again. “STOP PLEASE…NOOOOOO!” he cried at the top of his lungs as he fell to the floor kicking and thrashing.

“Adam! Adam!” Kris and Ali were banging on the door now, but Adam didn’t hear them. He was seventeen again, fighting for his life as they raped him and beat him unconscious. “HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!” Over and over the scene repeated itself in Adam’s mind, the worst flashback he’d had in two years.

Suddenly the bathroom door crashed open, splintering the frame. Kris flew in and dropped to Adam’s side. Alisan was right behind him. “Gently, Kris, gently.” They did their best to cradle Adam in between them as his limbs whipped around. Alisan leaned over and spoke right into Adam’s ear. “Adam. It’s Ali…you’re safe. Kris is here, too. You’re safe, Adam. You’re in your apartment with us…it’s not real, it’s not real.” She peered at Kris. “Talk to him, but don’t touch him.”

Kris looked terrified but did as he was told. He brought his mouth to Adam’s other ear. “Adam, come back to me, baby, my love, come back. You’re safe…I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I love you. It’s not real. I love you. I love you.”

Abruptly Adam stopped flailing and froze. He opened his eyes and saw Alisan and Kris hovering over him. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. Oh my god, I’m not okay. Sam… “Sam,” he said in a scared voice.

“He’s not here, puppy. It’s me and Kris and you’re safe.”

Adam sat up and looked at them, feeling caught in a whirlwind of emotion. He was petrified of Sam coming after him again, ashamed that he’d not been strong enough to hold off the flashback and that Kris was seeing him so weak, so terrified. But then he remembered Kris’ words in his ear. He loves me. Why, Adam had no idea. I’m a damaged freak, and Sam is going to come find me and…

“Adam, my love,” Kris said with tears sparkling in his eyes, “you’re safe. Whoever this Sam is, we’re not going to let him hurt you.”

Adam wanted to believe Kris, but Sam had proven that he was determined. He had managed to break into Adam’s apartment two years ago in the dead of night armed with a shotgun. The only reason Adam was still alive is because he had been at Ali’s that night. He had suffered so badly after finding out that he’d ended up in a psychiatric hospital after threatening suicide when the flashbacks wouldn’t stop.

“W-where is he?”

“We don’t know, honey. The police are looking for him.”

“He could be anywhere! He could be on his way here right now! Ali!” Adam yelled and began to tremble violently. He’s going to kill me.

“He’s too busy running from the cops right now. There’s an enormous search party after him and they’re going to catch him and put him back in jail where he belongs.”

“If you think that, then why did you even tell me!” he cried.

“Because, I didn’t want you to find out when you were alone, I know how closely you usually watch the news.” It was true. Even when he had to work, he always caught up later with what was happening in the world around him because having information helped him feel in control.

Kris glanced at Alisan, who nodded, and then he put his arms around Adam, holding him tight and rocking him back and forth gently. “Shhhh, baby, it’s okay…it’s okay.”

Adam was torn; he was desperate for Kris’ comfort but felt mortified for needing it. He loves me…he doesn’t think I’m a damaged freak and…and he’s not going to hurt me.  He had just realized why he’d dropped the plates earlier. He hadn’t been in love with Sam, but it had been close. He’d allowed himself to trust, to care deeply, and Sam had betrayed him and led him to torture and almost death. He didn’t just lead me, he participated.

All of a sudden, Adam needed to have Kris, right then. “I need you.” The urge was strong and undeniable, and he knew that the fear and shame would disappear with sex, with control. The more intense those feelings were, the more his need to feel powerful.

“I’m right here, baby, I’m not going anywhere,” Kris said soothingly.

“No. I want you. Now. In my bed.”

Kris was obviously confused. “Now? But…” Then his face cleared as if he had just understood something. “Oh, okay,” he said, nodding.

Alisan sighed. “Better you than some random stranger,” she said to Kris. “I’ll go, but Adam, I’m calling your parents and I’m coming back in two hours, you hear me? Also, I want you to contact Sheila as soon as you two are done.”

“Fine, fine, ” Adam agreed because it was the quickest way to get her to leave and the necessity for dominating sex was becoming unbearable now, like a burning itch in his veins. He got up and followed her to the living room, hugged her briefly and then locked the door behind her. Kris was already in the bedroom, sitting quietly on the edge of the bed.

At the sight of him, Adam felt the itch grow intolerable. “It might get a little rough,” he said through gritted teeth.

“It’s okay. I’m ready and willing,” Kris said, smiling softly.

Adam growled and launched himself at Kris, throwing him down to the bed and tearing at his clothes. Must have him, I’ve got to have him now. Once Kris was naked, Adam started to bite him, to mark him on his neck, shoulders, and chest. Kris moaned and shuddered. “Yes, Adam, bite me…claim me.” He’s mine…mine. He sank his teeth hard into Kris’ neck and Kris cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure. Yessss.  Adam got up, stripped off his clothes and went to his drawer to get supplies.

When he turned back to the bed, he saw Kris lying there, naked, with angry red marks all over his upper body and it jolted something in his brain. In the past, he’d never cared about the men he’d conquered, but Kris…I love him. Suddenly Adam was furious at the people who had tortured him and caused him to develop this need to dominate, to control men. He didn’t want that with Kris, and he was livid that the memory of them, of Sam, was fucking with his relationship with the man he loved.

“What’s the matter?” Kris asked, looking up from the bed.

Adam was paralyzed with indecision. “I can’t do this to you.” But I need it.

“It’s okay though, I don’t mind if you’re rough, in case you hadn’t noticed,” he said with a smirk.

“No, it’s not that…it’s…” FUCK. The horrible feelings continued to pulse throughout his being and he didn’t know how else to get rid of them, but even if Kris was willing, he didn’t want to use him like that. “FUCK! Fucking fuck!” he yelled at the ground.

Kris stared at him in bewilderment, but Adam didn’t know how to help him with that at the moment. He picked up the nearest thing to him, a bottle of nail polish on the dresser, and threw it with all his might at the wall. Hey, that felt good. He did it again, only this time it was a small lamp that flew across the room and smashed satisfyingly onto the floor. He felt the fear and shame abate as rage took over. “GODDAM MOTHER FUCKERS!” He screamed and flung a hairbrush at the window, shattering it to pieces. “HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU FUCKING DO THAT TO ME?”

Kris gasped as the glass flew everywhere. Adam turned sharply towards the sound, heart racing with adrenaline, and saw Kris’ shocked face. All at once, his dream came back to haunt him: ‘“I can’t be with you, Adam.  You’re just a damaged freak. Good-bye!” “Nooooo! Come back, angel…don’t leave meeee!!! Anggeellllll!!!”’

“NOOO!” Adam wailed, and fell to the floor, naked and weeping.

Kris leapt from the bed and ran to him. “Adam! Oh my sweet Adam!” He gathered him up in his arms and clutched him tightly, kissing his head and rocking him.

“I ruined everything!” Adam cried. “I hate them! I hate them!”

“Come on, my love, come with me.” Kris hauled Adam to his feet and led him to the bed, where he collapsed and continued to bawl loudly. What have I done? He’s going to leave me! Kris drew the blankets over them and spooned around Adam, covering as much of his body as he could with his own. He started to hum a soft tune as he stroked Adam’s head, face and arms.

“D-don’t leave me…p-please d-don’t leave me,” Adam choked out through his sobs.

“Oh baby, I’m not going to leave you…sshhhhhh, there now, I’m not going anywhere…I love you, remember? I love you, I love you,” he said and continued to hum softly.

He still loves me? “Y-you do?”

“Yes I do. I love you. It’s going to be all right.”

“I’m s-scared, angel,” Adam whimpered as his cries began to lessen.

“I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, baby. Didn’t you see how I kicked down your door? Angel is going to protect you, my love. Sam, whoever he is, he’ll have to get through me first.”

“He…” Adam gave a huge sniff and wiped his nose with the bed sheet. I’m safe. I trust him. I love him and he still loves me. “He was my boyfriend. He…hurt me.” Adam began to cry in earnest again.

Kris squeezed Adam even harder. “Baby, my sweet, sweet Adam, no one is ever going to hurt you like that again, not if I can help it.”

I don’t deserve him. I’m not worth this kind of goodness. He wept until he had no tears left and then lay there quietly, listening to Kris hum a soothing melody until he finally fell asleep.

The first thing he noticed when he awoke an hour later was that he was alone in his bed. “Angel!” he yelped loudly. He left me oh my god he left me no no noooooooo!  But then there were hurried footsteps in the hall and Kris appeared in the doorway.

“Hey, gorgeous.” Kris walked over to the bed and sat on it. He had changed back into his clothes from yesterday.

Adam tried to calm his breathing. “You’re still here,” he whispered.

“Of course I am, baby, I told you I wasn’t going anywhere. I was just in the living room talking to Ali.” He reached out and ran his hand down Adam’s cheek.

Now that he was awake and reassured, Adam remembered that Sam was still on the loose and was out to get him. He tensed and looked around the room as if he expected to see him there, but all he saw was that someone had taped up the broken window while he was asleep. “I’m sorry about that…about getting mad like that,” he said quietly.

“Don’t you dare apologize. You have every right to be angry.”

Adam looked up at him in amazement. “How do you always know the right things to say?”

Kris shrugged. “I love you.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Adam mumbled.

“What? What are you talking about? Of course you deserve me!”

Adam sat up and shook his head. “No, I don’t…I don’t know why you love me…I’m…not worthy of it. I’m just a damaged--”

“Stop this right now,” Kris said firmly. He shifted so that they were facing each other. “I love you because you are an incredible person. You’re funny and silly and childlike, you’re smart and talented, you have a kind and generous heart, and you’re the best lover I’ve ever had.”

“That can’t all be true, you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

Kris put his hands on Adam’s shoulders and gazed into his eyes. “Do you honestly believe that I’d lie to you like that? Do you think that I can’t tell a beautiful person when I see one?”

Adam smiled weakly. “You forgot sexy.”

“Sexy doesn’t even begin to cover it, baby,” Kris chuckled. “You are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on. I love everything about you, down to the very last freckle.”

“I hate them.”

“I love them. They’re you, and I love you.”

Adam stared into Kris’ eyes and saw nothing but love and devotion there. Wow. “Well, I might be convinced if you kiss me right now,” Adam said as he leaned in to Kris. They wrapped their arms around each other and sighed before kissing deeply.

WHAM! Adam’s body gave an enormous start and then he clung to Kris, wide-eyed and afraid. “W-what was that?”

“It was just the front door. Ali ran out for a minute…that must have been her coming back in. She said she had a key. Shhhh…it’s okay.”

It’s not okay! His heart pounded against his ribcage. Fuck! I fucking hate this! Such a cowardly baby. “I can’t stand this, Kris. I hate being scared…I need to do something, anything.” I want sex, I want to break something…

“Why don’t you get up and get dressed, and then you can call your therapist. I’m sure she’ll know how to help. Plus, you’re mom is coming over soon.”

“My mom?” He tried not to feel embarrassed at the fuss they were all making; he knew he needed their support and he didn’t want to end up in the hospital again.

Kris nodded. “She should be here in about a half an hour.”

“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute.” He kissed Kris’ palm and held it to his face for a moment. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.” Kris pecked him on the forehead and left.

Okay…okay, I can handle this. I’m surrounded by people who love me. I can do this. He got up and walked to his closet to find some clothes. I need to wear them…I need to. His hand hesitated only briefly before he snatched up a pair of sex pants. As he fastened the numerous hooks, he felt a little less afraid. Ten minutes later he stepped out of the bathroom completely dressed with his hair and makeup done perfectly.

“I went downstairs and told them you were sick and couldn’t perform tonight,” said Alisan when she saw his outfit.

Fuck, I totally forgot about work. Wouldn’t have gone anyway…what if he was there, waiting for me. Adam shivered and went to sit next to Kris on the couch. “Thanks, yeah…I just needed to, you know, feel normal.” Like wearing pants with hidden hooks is normal, Lambert. He told that voice to shut up and took a deep breath. “What’s the news…tell me, please, I have to know. Did they find him yet?”

Kris and Alisan exchanged worried glances. “No, puppy, they didn’t. But they will, I know they will.”

Adam tried desperately to push down the fear he felt at hearing this. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel safe here. Sam got in to my last apartment, he can get into this one. But he was terrified to go anywhere else. “What am I going to do?” he said in a hushed voice.

Kris put an arm around him. “You’re going to call your therapist and I’m going to call the police.”

“But what can they do?”

“Ali told me how Sam broke in before, so we’ll tell the police that you think he’s after you again and they can help protect you.”

“They can?”

“Yep. My dad is a volunteer for the sheriff’s department back home, and he’s been on safety patrols before for people who felt like their life was in danger.”

Well that’s better than nothing. “I…thank you, both of you, for helping me like this.”

“Sweetie, you know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” said Alisan.

Adam got up and hugged her. She squeezed him tight and then handed him the phone. “Call Sheila.”

He had to leave a message on Sheila’s voicemail and then he paced around his apartment, muttering to himself while he waited for her to call back. “It’s going to be okay. The police will help…he’s not going to get me. It’s okay to need help…it doesn’t mean I’m weak. Kris loves me and he’s not going to leave me. It’s going to be okay.” Over and over he repeated these phrases in an attempt to soothe himself while Kris was busy talking to the police on the phone and Alisan had run out to get them dinner.

“Adam, they’re sending someone over to talk to you, but they can’t get here until a little later tonight,” said Kris after he had hung up.

Just then Ali returned. “Hey, look who I found!” she said, smiling.

Adam stopped pacing and looked up to see his mom with her arms stretched wide. Oh thank god she’s here. “Mom,” he said, starting to choke up again as he walked to her.

“My sweet child,” Leila said. She put her arms around him and hugged him tight. He breathed a sigh of relief and clung to her without shame. “Everything is going to be okay, baby. We’re all here to help you. We all love you.”

Adam sniffed and pulled back. “Thanks, mom.”

“Any time, sweetie. Now, Ali brought Chinese so I suggest we all eat and try to relax a little…okay?”

Adam nodded.

“Kris, dear, it’s lovely to see you again. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are here.”

“Yes ma’am,” Kris shook his head, “I mean, Leila.”

Leila chuckled and gave him a hug. They sat around Adam’s coffee table and ate, trying to talk about anything but Sam. Adam looked around the table and smiled fondly at them. They all love me. It’s going to be okay.

“So Ali,” Kris began, “why do you call Adam ‘puppy’?”

Alisan giggled. “You should have seen how cute he was, Kris. There was this adorable boy, Jacob, that Adam was crazy about in middle school.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, you are not telling him this story.”

“Awww…please?” begged Kris.

Damn, he is too cute with those eyes and that pouty lip.

“Fine.” Adam waved a hand at Ali and she continued.

“So they sat next to each other in Math class, right, and I sat behind them and I just knew that Jacob liked Adam, too. I always caught them staring at each other when the other wasn’t looking. But, Adam here, being the stubborn boy that he is, didn’t believe me. He whined at me for ages, just like a puppy, all sad because he thought Jacob didn’t like him.”

Leila and Kris chuckled and Kris rested his chin in his hands.

Adam wasn’t really listening to the story. He just stared at Kris. How is he so gorgeous?

“So one day, I got fed up with his whining and I stole his notebook, the one where he had written AL + JP on the front and drawn a heart around it. I walked into class the next day and plopped it right down on Jacob’s desk.”

“No, you didn’t!” Kris laughed.

“She did!” chortled Leila.

“Oh my god you should have seen Adam’s face when he saw Jacob staring at his notebook! And then, you won’t believe it, but after class was over and everyone else was gone, Jacob got up and kissed Adam on the cheek and then ran out of the room!”

“Awwww!” Kris cooed and beamed at Adam.

I love the way his smile gets all crooked like that. Mmmmm, those lips.

“And then I had to listen to him whine some more because his mom thought he was too young to date.”

“Well, he was!” Leila chimed in.

“So yeah, Kris…puppy, for real,” Alisan finished and winked at Adam. “You know you love me.”

Adam huffed. “Okay, okay…if you’re done embarrassing me now…” He pushed away his empty plate and stood up. “Kris?”

“Yeah, baby?” Kris replied, still smiling.

“I have something to show you in the bedroom.”

Kris jumped to his feet with such enthusiasm that he almost knocked over his glass. Adam grabbed his hand and looked at his mom and Alisan. “Be right back,” he said and winked at them. “You might want to turn on some loud music.”

The two women laughed and got up. “I think we’ll go downstairs to the club for a while,” said Leila, “we’ll be back later.”

“In that case, I think we should pick up were we left off this afternoon.”

Alisan smirked and she left with Leila.

As soon as Adam got Kris into the kitchen he started to kiss him fervently. “So sexy, so cute,” he said into Kris’ mouth and then licked all around those full lips.

Kris moaned and lifted up his shirt.

Adam helped him get it off and pulled his own over his head. “So beautiful, my angel,” Adam whispered, running his hands up and down Kris’ naked back. He took a nipple into his mouth and sucked it, then worked his tongue in circles around it until it was a hard nub.

“Mmmm…Adam…baby…”

Adam growled and bit Kris’ nipple lightly before moving on to the other one. When that one was hard, too, he stopped and went back Kris’ mouth. They dipped in and out with their tongues and began to grind against each other. “These pants…are in the way, rabbit,” he said huskily. He popped the button on Kris’ jeans, unzipped them and slid them down far enough to shove his hands in and massage Kris’ ass.

Kris mouthed Adam’s chest and pressed his tongue firmly into the flesh, kneading it again and again. Adam squeezed his eyes shut in pleasure. “Get up there, angel.”

Kris wiggled his pants down some more and hopped up onto the kitchen table.

But they were denied this experience for the second time that day. A series of loud gunshots suddenly rang out from the street below and a woman screamed shrilly into the night. Every muscle in Adam’s body seized, and then he fainted and fell onto the kitchen floor.

***

Sometime later, he didn't know how long, he opened his eyes to glaring florescent lights overhead.  He put a hand up to shield his face.  “Where am I?  What happened?  Angel?”

“Right here, baby.  You're in the hospital for observation.  Everything is going to be all right.”

Chapter 21

Kris Allen was quickly learning how to act on life instead of letting life act on him, and he was determined to help Adam stamp out all that self-criticism and doubt. Why is it so hard for him to believe that I love him? How on earth can he think he’s unworthy of it?  True, in his past Kris had always thought that if he did what other people wanted that they would love him, but he never felt that he didn’t deserve it when they did.

And being with Adam was completely different than any other relationship he’d been in. Kris supported him out of love, not because he was looking for anything in return. But somehow he’d known that Adam would love him back. What if he didn’t though? Would you still be with him? Yes, for a while anyway, but not forever...I wouldn’t put myself through that, not anymore. Huh. He silently thanked God for Adam’s love.

Kris gazed at him fondly, pale and sleeping in the hospital bed. He’s so brave, dealing with such an awful trauma. And he trusts me, after what Sam and those other bastards did to him, he trusts me, let me into his life. He didn’t know the details of Sam’s betrayal, but he could guess, and it made him angrier than he’d ever felt in his entire life. He’d had to push away that fury for most of the evening so he could support Adam, but it still seethed deep down inside of him. Sam is just damn lucky I didn’t get to him first.

Suddenly Adam’s eyes opened. He blinked a few times and put his hand up to shield his face from the glaring lights. “Where am I? What happened? Angel?”

“Right here, baby. You’re in the hospital for observation. Everything is going to be all right.” Kris pulled his chair closer to Adam’s bed and squeezed his hand.

“But I heard gun shots and a woman screaming and...and…” Adam tried to sit up but his body swayed alarmingly.

“Whoa, slow down there,” Kris said, steadying him and guiding him back down.

“What happened?” Adam looked like a like a little bird that had fallen from its nest.

Kris got up and sat on the side of his bed. He smiled and brushed the hair out of Adam’s face. “You fainted, my love, too much emotional distress and not enough oxygen to the brain. Your blood pressure was really low, but you’re going to be just fine. Adam, they caught him. Sam is going back to jail. That is, after he gets out of the hospital.”

“What…how…wait, this hospital?” He sprang forward but Kris pushed him back down again.

“Adam, it’s okay, it’s okay. You’re in the emergency room and he’s in surgery at the moment. Plus, there are two armed security guards watching over you right now.”

Adam looked around and saw the guards through the gap in the curtains. “Please…just tell me everything, Kris.”

Kris nodded. Shit, this is probably going to scare the living daylights out of him. He stroked Adam’s hand and took a deep breath. “They caught him trying to break into the back entrance of your building.” Adam went deathly pale but Kris plowed on. “Remember those police that were going to come and check on you? They found him when they circled the building and there was a fight. Sam got shot several times in the chest. The woman you heard screaming was just some club goer who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’s fine though!” Kris added hurriedly. “Just in shock.”

Adam opened and closed his mouth a few times but no sound came out.

“It’s all over, baby…no one is going to hurt you.” Kris leaned over and put his arms around Adam.

“You…you saved my life,” Adam said, trembling and gripping Kris. “If you hadn’t called the police…”

“Hey now, don’t think about that, you’re safe…it’s all over.” He pulled back a fraction and saw that Adam was staring blankly, exactly the way he had when Alisan had first told him about Sam’s escape, just before that terrible flashback. Oh no, not again. “Adam,” he said firmly, “Adam!” Kris got up and threw the curtains back. “Sheila!” he called to the woman sitting in a chair nearby.

Adam’s therapist stood up quickly and hurried over. “Hold on to his hands, Kris.”

“But Ali told me not to touch him last time.”

“That’s when he was in the flashback…he’s not there yet, he’s dissociating and we need to stimulate his senses to ground him back to the present.”

Kris didn’t understand what she was saying, but he grabbed both of Adam’s hands and held them tightly. Oh please let this work…please don’t let him have to go through that again.

“Massage his hands and talk to him.”

“What should I say?” He rubbed circles on the backs of Adam’s hands and kissed them, too.

“Anything,” Sheila replied, “he just needs to hear your voice.”

“Adam, my love, it’s going to be okay. I’m right here and you’re safe. It’s your angel, your rabbit…I’m here for you, baby.”

Adam suddenly flinched. He tried to jump up from the bed, but Kris squeezed his hands. “Look at me, Adam…I’m right here…you’re safe.” Adam’s eyes darted around wildly and he began to breath rapidly.

Sheila got a cloth from the sink by the wall, ran it under cold water and squeezed it out, then pressed it to Adam’s forehead. “Adam, you are twenty-seven years old. You’re in a hospital and it’s Friday, November 6^th, 2009. You are not seventeen. No one is hurting you. Concentrate on the cool feeling on your head. Feel Kris’ hands on yours.”

Adam slowly started to move his fingers against Kris’ hand.

“Very good. Now look him in the eyes and listen to his voice.” She nodded at Kris.

“Adam, I love you, I love you…my beautiful Adam…I love you.” Adam finally focused his eyes on Kris’ and heaved a great breath.

Oh thank god! Thank god!

“They were so close.” Adam reached up his arms for Kris, who gladly bent down and embraced him, feeling utterly relieved that Sheila had been here.

Sheila took the cloth off of his forehead and patted him on the shoulder. “You did a good job holding the memories off, Adam. I’m proud of you.”

“It’s only because you two helped me…I couldn’t have done it on my own,” he mumbled.

Why does he always put himself down like that? Kris shifted so that he could lie down next to Adam and cradle him.

“Give yourself some credit. It took strength of mind to push those thoughts and feelings away. Kris and I could not have done that for you. And with practice, you won’t need anyone else’s help.”

“Hmph. How did you know I was here anyway?” he asked her.

“When I called you back, your mom answered and told me what happened and I came as soon as I could.”

“Where is she? Where’s Ali?”

“They’re talking to the police,” answered Kris. “I can go get them if you want. They’ll want to know that you’re awake.”

“No! I mean, someone else can get them,” Adam said quickly and buried his head into Kris’ chest. He’s so scared. I wish I could magically take that away for him.

“I’ll go,” said Sheila. She left and returned in a minute with Leila and Alisan. They were relieved to see Adam awake and took turns bending over to hug him and offered words of comfort and support.

“Adam,” began Sheila after a minute of watching the reunion, “I’d like to have you transferred to the psychiatric unit.”

“What? No! I don’t want to go back there again so soon!”

She looked at him sharply. “So soon? The last time you were hospitalized was over eight years ago, unless you’re not telling me something.” She peered at Leila and Alisan, but they only nodded in Adam’s direction.

Adam flushed. “I…two years ago I…”

Kris suddenly put two and two together. Oh my god, my sweet Adam, he was hospitalized that recently?  Why did Sam even get released after only eight years of prison anyway?  He should have been in there for life.

Leila spoke up. “Sam broke into Adam’s apartment when he was released from prison two years ago, Sheila, but thankfully he was staying with Ali that night. When he found out what had happened, well, I’m sure you can imagine. Adam refused to let us contact you at the time.”

Sheila’s expression was both empathetic and stern. She sighed. “We are going to tackle that shame of yours, Adam.”

“Please, I don’t want to go back there…please don’t make me.”

She considered him seriously. “Are you feeling suicidal at all?”

What? No, he can’t be…that’s too… The thought of Adam wanting to end his life was almost too much for Kris to bear. He tightened his arms around Adam and prayed that it wasn’t true.

“No.” Adam looked up at Kris and smiled for the first time since he woke up. “No, I don’t want to die. I’ve got too much to live for.” He gazed at his mother and at Alisan, too. “A lot to live for. Please, Sheila, I’ll come to therapy every week, I’ll practice my skills, I’ll…I’ll even take medicine if you think I need it.”

Kris let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. A tear leaked from the corner of his eye and he kissed Adam on the top of his head.

“Alright,” she relented, “but I’m referring you to a psychiatrist. You’re not leaving here without a safety plan and I want to talk to Kris before you go…okay?”

Adam nodded and snuggled into Kris. This is going to be a long road, you sure you can handle this? Sure you want to do this? Kris looked down at Adam and felt a fiery devotion burst into life within him. Without a doubt.

“Adam, honey, the police want to talk to you, they need a statement,” said Leila gently.

“That works out,” said Sheila. “Kris, why don’t you and I chat while Adam gives his statement?”

Kris tried to sit up but Adam tensed and clung to him. “It’s okay, baby, I’ll be right back.” He kissed him on the cheek. “I promise.” Adam loosened his arms but didn’t look happy about it.

Sheila smiled and led Kris out of the patient area and into a small office.  She sat down in an office chair at the desk and motioned to a straight-backed chair in the corner. Kris sat down feeling a bit nervous, like he was being interviewed for something. “Kris, it’s obvious that Adam is in love with you and very devoted to you.”

“I feel the same way about him,” said Kris seriously.

She nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. You know, he’s very scared right now and he needs you, but I want you to realize that you can’t rescue him from his demons. He has to do that himself. Do you understand what I mean by that?”

“Yes, I think so. I can’t do the work for him.”

“That’s right, and I don’t want him to become dependent on you. Trust me, he wouldn’t want that either.”

Kris thought about all the times Adam had said that he hated needing help. “I’m sure you’re right about that, but what can I do to support him?”

“Love him the way you have been, encourage him to use his skills and his safety plan, and help him like you did earlier when he was dissociating.”

Kris frowned. “I didn’t understand half of what you said back there.”

“It means that he’s detached from his body and the world around him.”

“And that happens when something reminds him of his trauma?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes he might dissociate first and then have a flashback, or he might go right to the flashback, and then again he could dissociate and never have a flashback at all. In either case, he needs to be reminded of the present.”

“What’s the difference between them?”

“A flashback is when he is actually re-experiencing what happened to him. Sounds and feelings, physical and emotional, it’s like he’s living through it again and it’s real to him in that moment.”

Kris gasped and Sheila nodded sympathetically. “I suggest that you do a little research on all of this yourself, Kris.”

“Of course I will. So what are these skills you keep talking about, and what’s a safety plan?”

“They are tools Adam can use to cope with his symptoms, and the safety plan is a list of what to do and who to call when he is having more difficulties than he can manage on his own.”

Kris tried to take it all in, to absorb all the information he needed to support his love. He suddenly wanted to hold him again and started to fidget.

“One last thing, because I can see that you’re eager to go. It’s really important that you take care of yourself and live your life. I know how much you love him, but you’ll be no good to him if you neglect yourself, believe me.”

“I…I’ll try.”

“I know you will. Adam is really lucky to have you, Kris.”

“I’m lucky to have him, too,” he said and stood up. “Thank you, for helping him and for talking with me.”

“It’s my pleasure. Now go back to him because I know you’re dying to,” she said with a smile.

Kris shook her hand and hurried back to Adam. 

It was almost one o’clock in the morning by the time they got back to Adam’s apartment, but he wouldn’t relax until Kris had bolted the door and pushed a large chair in front of it. Incredibly, when at last they were cuddled into bed, Adam wanted to have sex.

“Are you kidding me?  I am completely wiped out and you must be exhausted.”

“I am, but I just feel like I need to be even closer to you. I can’t explain it…please, angel.”

Yeah, like you can deny him anything.

It was extremely gentle, almost like they were just hugging as Adam slowly moved in and out of Kris with the smallest of thrusts. They kissed sleepily, mouths tasting of stale Chinese food. Eventually Adam became soft inside Kris and they fell asleep wound tightly around each other.

Around four in the morning Adam had a nightmare and Kris had to spend twenty minutes reassuring him that Sam was not coming after him before he calmed down and went back to sleep.

***

That one, right there, that’s my favorite freckle. Kris touched Adam’s bottom lip ever so lightly so as not to wake him. I just want to lick it and suck on it all day long. As he lay there watching Adam breathe in the late morning light, it occurred to him that he was going to have to go home today, if for no other reason than to get more clothes. How long will he want me to stay with him? And we both have to go back to work. Kris thought about Adam performing tonight and wondered if he was even up for it.

“Mmph.”

“Morning sunshine,” Kris said and kissed Adam on his temple.

Adam smacked his lips and groaned. “I feel like I have a hangover.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Kris, you’ve done so much for me,” he said sincerely, “how can I ever repay you?”

“I don’t want anything but your love, Adam.”

“Well you definitely have that. In fact, I seem to remember being rudely interrupted twice yesterday from doing something I know would help you feel my love,” he said with a smirk.

“Oh please can that be on our to do list today?” Kris said with his best puppy eyes.

“You better believe it, my little rabbit,” he growled and pinched Kris on the ass.

He giggled and swatted at Adam’s hand. “I’m glad to see you’re in a good mood this morning.”

“Well, I’m alive, aren’t I? And I have you in my life. That’s what I’ve decided to focus on right now,” Adam said, smiling.

I’m so proud of him…that would probably be weird to say, though. Kris just beamed at him and kissed him again on the head. “How about breakfast before we destroy the kitchen table?”

“You’re on. How about pancakes?”

“Really? I love pancakes!” Kris squealed.

“You are too adorable,” Adam laughed and pecked Kris on the lips. “Mmm, and I needed to brush my teeth like yesterday. Let’s get clean, then eat and then we can get dirty again.”

“Uhh, about that. Well, I’m kind of running low on clothes.”

Adam frowned. “Yeah, I figured you’d have to go home sometime. I mean you have work and school and everything, but…I don’t think I’m ready for you to go yet,” he said quietly.

Damn, I want that smile back. “How about this. Let’s save the pancakes for another time. I’ll go home and grab a quick breakfast and some clothes. And then…” Kris waggled his eyebrows suggestively. There it is! God I love making him happy.

“Hmm, well that sounds like an awfully long time that I have to wait to feel your tight ass around me, but…” Adam sighed dramatically, “I suppose I can make the sacrifice.”

“You are so kind,” Kris snickered.

“Oh the things I do for you, my sexy little rabbit.” Adam suddenly rolled over on top of Kris and pinned him to the bed. “But you better be fast about it. I want to finish what we started,” he said, staring hungrily into Kris’ eyes.

“Me too, and…I want it rough this time,” Kris said a bit shyly and pressed his thumb to the bruise on his neck. Certainly, he felt bolder when he was with Adam, but asking directly for things like that was pretty new. He had been amazed and touched yesterday when Adam had refused to use him. But it was so hot when he was rough!

“Oh my god! You can’t tell me that and then leave,” whined Adam. “Are you absolutely sure that you need clothes? I mean really, really sure? I know I have some cereal around here, too.”

Kris chuckled. “I swear I’ll be quick.” I need to check in with Matt, too.

Adam groaned and rolled off of Kris. “I am counting down the minutes. If you’re not back here in an hour…”

“What? You’ll punish me? Mmmm, I like the sound of that, maybe I’ll be late on purpose.”

“GAH!” Adam yelled and threw a pillow at Kris. “Go already before I change my mind and tear you apart right now!”

Kris caught the pillow and laughed. “I’m going, I’m going!”

An hour. Yeah, I’m never gonna make it. After reassuring Matt that he was still alive and that he might be at Adam’s for a few more nights, Kris still had to shower, change, pack a bag and appease his complaining belly. I’ll just get extra punishment then. He grinned to himself as he wolfed down a bowl of Frosted Flakes. None of Kris’ ex-boyfriends knew about his kinks because he had always done what they wanted, but he was damn excited to explore them with Adam. Wait until he finds out how much I like bondage. He tried not to speed on his way back to Adam’s.

He took the stairs two at a time and knocked on Adam’s door, bouncing eagerly on his toes. Adam threw open the door. “Holy shit!” Kris yelled and almost wet his pants at the sight of him. Adam was completely naked except for a pair of black boots and…a leather thong! Oh my fucking god…and a whip!

“You’re late,” Adam said gruffly, running the whip through his hand.

All Kris could do was whimper.

“Get in here.”

He staggered forward. Adam gave him the smallest wink, bolted the door and then grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. Kris felt like his brain was melting as he watched the muscles of Adam’s ass move when he walked.

The kitchen table was clear. Adam lifted Kris from the floor and set him on the table as easy as if he were a pitcher of lemonade. He wrapped the fingers of one hand tightly into Kris’ hair and pulled his head back sharply.

“So you like it rough, do you?” Adam asked.

Kris quivered and swallowed with difficulty. “Yes,” he whispered.

“I didn’t hear you, rabbit.”

“Yes,” he said louder.

“I think I’ll need to hear a little more enthusiasm than that,” Adam said and yanked Kris’ head back a little more.

“Yes! Please! I want it rough…please!” Kris shouted and begged.

“Mmmm, that was much better.” Adam stuck out his long tongue and licked Kris’ neck from the hollow of his throat all the way up to his bottom lip and then bit down hard. Kris gasped loudly and felt sticky wetness spreading in the front of his pants. He thought he might die from the utter sexiness of this moment. Adam continued to chew on Kris’ lip and then thrust his tongue inside Kris’ mouth over and over again like he was fucking it. Then he bit down on Kris' tongue until he garbled out a cry out from the back of his throat.

It’s like a wet dream. I’m never going to survive this.

All of a sudden Adam let go of his hair and pulled him to the edge of the table. “How badly do you want it, baby?” He took Kris’ hand and rubbed it on his bluge. “How much do you want this in your sweet, tight ass?”

Kris was almost crying with the want pulsing throughout his body as his hand was moved in circles over Adam’s cock. “Pleewansobad,” he gibbered.

“Show me. Show me how badly you want it.”

He all but tore his shirt off and fumbled frantically at the button of his jeans while kicking off his shoes. Adam’s seductive, commanding mask slipped just a fraction, letting a tiny smile show on his lips as he watched Kris panic that he couldn’t get his pants off fast enough. But Kris was busy and didn’t notice, and by the time he was finally naked, Adam was in his role again.

“Very nice,” Adam said appreciatively, looking Kris up and down and licking his lips. He took the whip and drew it up Kris’ chest, letting it trail across his nipples.

“Oh god…oh g-OD!” he cried sharply when Adam snapped the whip on his thigh.

And then it was on. Adam manhandled Kris into position so that he was bent forward over the table with his hands gripping the far edge, stretching his upper body taut. He raked his nails down Kris’ bare back and dug them into his ass, spreading him wide and massaging his cheeks.   Kris moaned and arched his ass in the air. Adam leaned over and took a big bite of his left cheek. “Yes! Adam…please, more!” Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! went the whip, leaving hot red lines on all over Kris’ smooth skin. “More…MORE!” But Adam seemed to be at his limit. He snarled, threw the whip aside and mounted Kris like an animal in heat.

Kris had one second to marvel at Adam’s preparedness…he pulled that condom out of his underwear!…and then he and the table lurched forward when Adam finally drove in. Over and over Adam scratched at Kris and bit his back as he humped him feverishly. Kris babbled and cried every time he felt the combination of pain and pleasure.

“Right…fucking…there!” Adam yelled and thrust again…again…again, harder and deeper each time. He picked up Kris’ legs by the thighs, wrapped them around his hips and leaned over so he could reach Kris’ neck to bite viciously at the bruise that was already there.

Kris let go of the table with one hand and pounded it on the surface, screaming and pleading. “Don’t stop! Don’t fucking stop!….Fuck!” Kris came violently and abruptly without any stimulation to his dick and shot his load straight down onto the floor.

“Oh my fucking god! Did you just…” Adam swore through clenched teeth. The table skidded about a foot with his last thrust and he clamped his jaws onto Kris’ neck, moaning into his skin as he came.

Kris cursed again and then laid still on the table, feeling Adam’s weight collapse onto him and thinking that this would go down in history as the hottest fuck he had ever experienced in his life.

Chapter 22

Adam pushed himself up slowly, lightly grazing the criss-crossed marks and bites all over Kris’ body with his fingertips as he rose. Kris shuddered and moaned but didn’t move otherwise. Holy shit, wish I’d known he was into that before…we are going to have so much fun! He smirked, thinking about all the things in his closet that would drive Kris wild. He bent over and kissed him on the small of his back. “Can you move yet, angel?”

“Ungh.”

Adam chuckled, helped Kris roll over and pulled him up to a sitting position on the table. Kris’ hair was sticking out all over the place and his eyes were glazed. So sexy, all fucked out like this. He reached out for Adam and they embraced to kiss tenderly, tongues gliding softly. After a minute Kris pulled back and looked into Adam’s eyes. “That was…I don’t even know,” he said hoarsely and shook his head. “That was the first time anyone ever…” he trailed off.

“Seriously?”

“Well, I used to be, you know, a lot less assertive and I just never really asked for it before.”

“And here I was thinking you were just some innocent tie seller. I had no idea you were into kinky stuff like that, you dirty, dirty angel.” Adam leered. “You can just keep right on asking for it.”

Kris grinned slyly. “I have quite a few kinks that I’m eager to try with you.”

Fuck, he’s going to be the death of me. He leaned his forehead against Kris’ and reached down to stroke a long finger down his soft cock. “Can’t wait.”

Kris shivered and kissed Adam’s bottom lip. “I love you.”

Don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that. “I love you, too, angel.”

“I think I need to get dressed before I get permanently stuck to this table,” Kris said and then pointed to the floor sheepishly, indicating the pool of cum. “And sorry about that.”

“Are you kidding me? That was the best sex compliment I’ve ever gotten!” I didn’t touch his cock! I’m not even going to clean it up yet.

“You deserve it,” said Kris fervently, “that and every good thing anyone has said about you.”

Adam grew quiet and looked away. The truth was that he knew somewhere deep down inside that Kris was right, that he was worthy of praise. That knowledge spoke in his parents’ voices, telling him that he was beautiful and smart and valuable, but they were so buried that Adam only heard them clearly in random moments spread out over the last decade. For the large part his own voice was missing, with the exception of an occasional acknowledgement that he was good at sex and singing. The only things I’m good at. The constant war between his pride and self-criticism was exhausting. “I think I’ll get dressed, too,” he said, turning away, but Kris stopped him with a light touch on his arm.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Adam noted his worried face and smiled, not wanting to make a big deal of it. “It’s okay, baby.” He pecked Kris on the cheek. “Why don’t we put your things in my bedroom?”

Kris grinned brightly at that. “So, how are you feeling about working tonight?” he asked after they had cleaned themselves up a bit and dressed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Adam down next to him.

Huh. As much as he wanted to return a sense of normalcy, Adam couldn’t suppress a sudden urge to tell his boss to fuck off for purposefully whoring him out. Plus, there was still a part of him that was very nervous at the idea of leaving his apartment, even though Sam was probably still in the hospital. I hope he dies from those gunshot wounds. Ugh, don’t think about him. He must have been staring off into space a little too long, because Kris put a finger under his chin and lifted it so that their eyes met. He felt his body relax as he gazed into those deep pools of brown.

“Penny for your thoughts, lover,” said Kris softly.

“I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m so happy being here with you. I wish we could just ignore the rest of the world and make love until we can’t move anymore,” he chuckled and flopped back onto the bed.

Kris snuggled up to him. “Yeah that wouldn’t be so bad, but what about singing? Isn’t that important to you, too?”

Adam pouted and put an arm around Kris. “Aww, don’t be such a killjoy. Come on, twenty-four-seven sex?” he sniggered, but then heaved a sigh when he sensed that Kris was still being serious. “Of course it’s important to me, but I’m not sure I want to keep working at place that is starting feel more like…like…”

“Like you’re not being appreciated for your artistry?” offered Kris.

“Exactly,” Adam nodded, relieved that he didn’t have to spell it out. “I mean, I’m a good singer, I can get another job…right?” he asked anxiously.

“Adam, do you really need me to answer that?”

Fuck, when did you become such a pussy, Lambert? You don’t need anyone, not even Kris, to tell you that you that you kick ass. “No. I know I can get another job. I’m a fucking awesome singer,” he stated resolutely. An uncharacteristic impulsiveness suddenly bubbled up inside him. “So that’s it then, I’m quitting my job…tonight.” Why wait? Adam could honestly say that all the drooling men did nothing for him anymore; all he wanted was Kris.

Kris looked a bit shocked, clearly not expecting that last part. “Umm, well I don’t doubt that you’ll find work pretty fast, but don’t you need to, you know, pay rent and everything?”

This is where things got a little sticky. Adam’s family happened to be very well off and he had grudgingly accepted his parents’ help in the past, but he hated feeling dependent on them. He prided himself on being able to make it on his own and not needing anyone. You need Kris. That’s different…I don’t need him for money. Point, but still, you haven’t needed anyone in a long, long time, for anything. What about Ali? Oh come on, you know it’s not the same. Fine, so I need him, so what?

“Baby?”

“Sorry, angel, I keep getting sidetracked. I’m going to be fine money wise, I’ll just get a loan from my folks until I can pay them back when I find a job,” he said casually and then quickly changed the subject. “Now, I think I’d like to make my last night of work special…you know, go out with a bang,” he began, but then flinched when he heard loud knocking. It’s just the fucking door… jesus, stop cringing at every little sound! He sighed and got up, then walked slowly towards the living room, tying not to seem like he needed Kris by his side but feeling grateful that he was. He squinted through the peephole and grinned. “Who is it?” he sang in a high falsetto.

Rich laughter came from the other side of the door in response. “Someone who helped bring you into this world!”

“Gross, dad,” came Neil’s voice, “now I’m going to think about you and mom having sex and that is just all kinds of wrong.”

Adam and Kris laughed together. Adam let them in and gave them each a hug. “We’re just dropping to check in you, son, and to deliver some news,” said Eber, “Kris.” he nodded, shaking Kris’ hand.

“Yeah and we wouldn’t say no to lunch, either,” Neil added. Suddenly Kris’ ears went bright red and he scampered into the kitchen. Adam bit back a laugh, knowing that Kris was running to clean up the ‘mess’ on the kitchen floor. “What’s up with him?” asked Neil.

“Oh, I think he’s just picking up something he dropped earlier,” Adam smirked. “Come in.” Actually, this is perfect timing. I can ask dad for a loan today and I just know that Neil can help me plan something cool for tonight.

“Seriously, bro…you doing okay?”

Adam glanced from his dad to Neil, taking in their concerned faces and tried to manage the ever conflicting feelings of shame and gratitude. He shook his head as if he were trying to push each one into a separate corner of his brain to break up the fight. “I’m fine, really, and Kris is keeping me company.” It was odd.  Now that he’d finally let Kris into his apartment, Adam didn’t want him to leave. He has a life, too, you know. Plus, you wouldn’t want him here all the time, would you? “So what’s the news you mentioned, dad?”

“Oh, well I just wanted to tell you that Sam is safely back in jail now and I thought you’d want to know. They transferred him to the prison hospital.”

Adam blinked and said nothing. He could escape again…he could, and then… his breathing became shallow and rapid all of a sudden. Distant images were skimming the edge of his mind like a hazy mirage.

“Son? Oh no…Neil, grab his attention, quick.” Eber said to his younger son who was closer to Adam.

Kris walked in from the kitchen, looked around and moved swiftly past Neil to stand in front of Adam. “I got this,” he said and took Adam’s hands, rubbing them firmly. “Adam, hey baby, I’m right here. I love you.”

Fight them fight them fight them got to…huh? Kris’ words seemed to have banished the approaching memories in Adam’s head and he snapped his eyes into focus. “I…fuck.” He ran a trembling hand over his eyes and felt rage building up again the way it had yesterday, only this time it had skipped right past the fear and shame. “I need to…” He yanked his hands out of Kris’ and began to pace with clenched fists.

“Oh god, Adam, I’m so sorry. I just wasn’t thinking…what can we do to help?” asked Eber.

“Please -- dad, Neil…just go. I’m really grateful that you stopped by, but…” He ground his teeth together. I’m going to start breaking things in a minute.

Kris took charge. “It’s okay, Mr. Lambert, I can handle this.” Kris led them to the door and thanked them, adding that he would ask Adam to get in touch later.

Fucking bastards…goddam assholes… mother fucking bastards! Adam dug his nails into his palms until it hurt, trying to cope with the tsunami of fury that was demanding to be unleashed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kris pick up something large and move towards him with it. It was a couch pillow. “That’s not gonna cut it!” Adam yelled, purposefully avoiding Kris’ eyes because he knew they would be full of fear.

“Adam. Look at me. I’m not scared and I’m not going anywhere. Let it out.”

And just like that, his wrath was too much to hold. “FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKINGFUCK! WHAT THE FUCK WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT…MOTHER FUCKING BASTARDS!” He snatched up a book lying on the coffee table and hurled it against the wall. A remote control was next, followed by a picture frame. Not enough…it’s FUCKING NOT ENOUGH!  “GODDAMMIT!” he screamed so loudly that it felt like his throat was tearing. He whipped around and kicked the couch viciously, then began to pummel every inch of it. “HOW DOES THAT FUCKING FEEL YOU FUCKING BASTARDS YOU GOD DAMN ASSHOLES! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! DIE DIE ALL OF YOU GO TO FUCKING HELL I HOPE YOU ROT IN PRISON! I HOPE YOU SUFFER YOU BASTARDS! I HOPE YOU HURT JUST LIKE I DID YOU FUCKERS!”

Adam tore into the couch with his fists and feet until he wore himself out physically and emotionally and slid to the floor, sweating and gasping for breath, unsure if it was sweat or tears stinging his eyes. He flinched a little when he felt warmth next to him, but then grabbed Kris’ arms and pulled them tightly around his shaking body. He’s still here. He said he wouldn’t go and he didn’t. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. Adam repeated this mantra in his head as the pain in his lungs began to fade and his breathing evened out. He suddenly realized that, strangely enough, his tirade had purged him of a tiny thimble of the poison he’d been carrying around for a decade. Wow. I need to get pissed off more often.

Kris kissed the back of his sweat-drenched neck and rocked him a little. He loves me. Adam tried to speak, to tell Kris that he loved him, but all that came out of his ruined throat was a scratchy groan.

“Shhhh, it’s okay…don’t talk right now, just relax,” said Kris soothingly.

He’s so patient, so understanding. For what felt like the thousandth time, Adam thought about how lucky he was. He kissed Kris on the arm and wondered how he could ever give back enough. I’m sure as hell going to try. Slowly, Adam sat up and attempted to express himself again. “I…love you…angel,” he croaked.

Kris’ eyes were shining with unshed tears. He stroked Adam’s glistening cheek and whispered, “I love you, too, baby.”

***

Two hours later, Kris was laughing fit to burst at Adam’s antics in the studio. After drinking a ton of throat coat tea and resting his voice while watching TV with Kris, he was now doing an impression of Kanye West set to an electronic beat. “How could I be so heartless…poor Taylor Swift yo…but you’ll never find nobody better than Bee-oh…” I love his laugh, so adorable! It gave Adam immense pleasure to see Kris being carefree rather than worried about him. Yeah, sex face and laughing face…definitely my favorites, oh wait, then there’s loving face and cute face, too. Adam ended his rendition of Heartless and took a bow while Kris clapped and whooped, still chuckling. Being in the studio reminded Adam that he had unfinished business to attend to. I promised Ali I’d get back to work on those tracks weeks ago! He made a mental note to do some recording tomorrow.

“That was hilarious! And you are so talented, even when you’re mocking someone,” Kris said with a huge smile.

Adam grinned and checked the time. It was nearing five o’clock, when he usually began his pre-work routine. He was always alone when he got ready and he wasn’t sure how it would feel to have Kris around for that. Of course, he’d already made some changes to his regimen like stocking fewer condoms in his back pocket and bringing his blanket down to the club room, but the biggest difference by far was that Adam thought about Kris from the minute he began his push ups until he was done with his last song. “So, I usually have these, ah, things I do before work,” he said to Kris awkwardly.

“Oh? Umm, do you want me to leave and meet you downstairs later?”

Adam leaned back in his chair and thought about it. He hadn’t been alone since Sam’s escape and if he was being completely honest with himself, he didn’t want to be. Having Kris around was extremely comforting, but something about Kris watching him exercise and meditate didn’t sit well with Adam. “Could you maybe just, you know, hang out in the living room? I don’t really want you to leave, but…” He trailed off and looked nervously at Kris.

“Of course I’ll give you some privacy.  We don’t have to be attached at the hip all the time.” Adam breathed out a sigh of relief. “It’s no problem,” continued Kris, “besides, I think I saw a home movie labeled ‘Adam’s First Birthday’ that looks pretty interesting -- I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” he laughed and then ran when Adam came at him with tickle hands.

***

Murmurs and whispers broke out all over the room when Adam and Kris walked into the club hand-in-hand and sat down at the bar together. Adam lifted his chin in the air proudly and ignored them. He’d been worried that all the noise and people would be scary, but it was so familiar that he felt only a little jittery, and he made sure that some part of his body was always in contact with Kris. He and Kris ordered a small meal and talked about what he should do for his last night, which mostly turned out to be Kris listening and laughing as Adam came up with a list of ideas, each one crazier than the last. People in the club were shocked to see him relating so comfortably and intimately with another man, and they made excuses to get closer to the couple to verify that it was indeed the same man Adam had been choosing for weeks now.

“I can’t believe that he has a boyfriend.” “Never thought I’d see the day.” “Wonder what will happen now?”

Adam tried to block out the barely hushed voices and concentrated on Kris, on his smile, his sparkling eyes and the way that love radiated from them. They’re all idiots. Let them gossip, I don’t care. I have Kris and that’s all that matters. Besides, why should I be ashamed of doing something as normal as having a boyfriend? Yeah, this anger thing is good. “Ooh! I’ve got the perfect idea, Kris! Instead of doing something off the wall, I think I’m going to have a nice little chat with the audience after I perform. I know exactly what to say, too.”

Adam’s performance that night was truly spectacular, so genuine and full of life that even the crowd of hopeful men stopped throwing their little papers for a minute to take notice. “Thank you! Thank you!” Adam called amidst all the cheering and clapping. “Thank you so much!” He took another bow and then cleared his throat. “I have a little announcement to make tonight.” The cheering subsided quickly and the audience collectively leaned forward to hear what the magnificent Adam Lambert had to say. “Ahem. Well first off, I’d like to truly thank those of you who have come here just to hear me sing. I'm grateful, and I hope to see you again in the future when I’m performing somewhere else, since tonight was my last show here.”

The crowd gasped in shock and the men looked as if all their dreams had been crushed. “Yes, that’s right, I am leaving this club for good.” Adam deliberately caught the eye of the club manager…the little fucker…and sneered at him. His anger was now clearly visible for all to see. “To those of you who have come here with the sole purpose of hoping for a good fuck, you can just take your pathetic asses to the nearest corner! There are plenty of fine whores out there and I am not one of them! Not anymore!” A few of the men actually sobbed and ran out of the club.

“No really, it was so wonderful, everything you’ve done for me,” he continued loudly, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he stared daggers at the manager again, “but no fucking thanks!” he yelled, kicking at the papers on the stage. He breathed heavily into the microphone and then closed his eyes briefly, trying to regain a little composure. “One last thing before I leave. Kris, where are ya, baby?” Kris waved his hand and everyone turned to look at the luckiest man in the room. “I love you!” Adam called and blew him a kiss.

Kris’ smile lit up the entire room. “I love you, too!” he hollered back.

Adam was flying high, empowered by his righteous indignation and consumed with love for Kris. Giggling like five-year-old boys, they ran up to Adam’s apartment and fell on each other immediately, laughing and kissing on the beat up couch. “Did you see my boss’ face? He was totally shitting himself!” Adam cried, still cracking up at his own daring. He grabbed Kris and pinned him to the sofa with a sizzling kiss.

“I know! You were brilliant!” Kris snickered after recovering his breath, then gazed up at Adam and smiled softly. “This might sound weird but…I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah, I mean…I think I’m proud of me, too. But Kris, it’s all because of you.” It is. I never would have been able to do this if it weren’t for him. I couldn’t have been that brave without him.

“No, Adam. That was you standing up for yourself tonight.”

“You were my inspiration, angel. I owe you so much, so much.” He hugged Kris fiercely and then lapped at his bruised neck, licking circles around the mark and tonguing it repeatedly.

“Baby… you don’t…ohhh yeah, right there…you don’t owe me anything,” Kris finally managed to get out. “You are…mmmm, don’t stop…strong, all by yourself…ohhhh god.”

I’m strong all by myself. I did it. I showed them I’m not just a piece of meat! Adam felt powerful, but in a different way than he usually did. He didn’t quite understand what it meant, but reveled in the sensation nonetheless. Oddly enough, this new kind of power made him feel even safer with Kris, if that was even possible. I wonder if he would…no, he wouldn’t want to, would he? Only one way to find out.

“Kris…angel…” He stopped ravaging Kris’ neck and sat back. “Would you…I mean, have you ever…” Adam puffed out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. Come on, where’s that courageous spirit? “Shit, this is harder to ask for than I thought it would be.” He had always gotten what he wanted by commanding someone to do it, never by requesting it.

Kris tried to catch his breath and then smiled. “Ask me anything, lover, I’ll do anything for you,” he said.

“Okay, well, you know all the things I’ve done to you with my tongue?” Adam began nervously.

“How could I forget?” Kris said, shuddering. “Oh! Do you want me to--”

“Only if you want to!” Adam rushed out. Oh please oh please oh please!

“Are you kidding me? Jesus, Adam, I’ve been dying kiss you everywhere, and I mean everywhere,” he said with a wink.

Oh my god, this is really going to happen! He flushed pink and started to breathe quickly with excitement. “Okay, okay…but, but only your tongue…okay?”

“Of course, whatever you want.”

Adam stood up and shook his hands several times, trying to fling away his nervous energy. “How should I do this? Where should I be?”

Kris smiled fondly at him. “It’s going to be okay. Do you want me to, um, direct things a bit?”

“Yes, I think so.” Well that is a serious departure, isn’t it…you sure about this? I trust him and I want it…I want to feel his tongue right there…fuck…

“Don’t worry, I’ll treat you right, baby,” Kris said in a gentle voice.

“I know you will.” His stomach was still crawling madly with butterflies because no one in ten years had ever approached that area of his body; he’d never allowed it.

Kris stood up and kissed him tenderly while unhooking Adam’s sex pants easily with one hand. He took off his own shirt and pants first though, and Adam was grateful for it.

He ran his hands up and down Kris’ body and fingered the small welts on his back, pressing firmly and drawing out long moans from Kris. “Undress me, angel,” Adam said quietly.

It seemed that Kris was fighting back tears as he knelt down and lovingly removed Adam’s boots one at a time. Adam stood with his hands on Kris’ shoulders for balance and felt so loved, so cared for already that he knew everything was going to be okay. When he was finally naked, Kris motioned for him to sit on the very edge of the couch and lean back. “I want you to be able to see me, baby. I’m going to make you feel so good.”

This is it…last chance to back out. No, I’m not scared. I’m safe and it’s going to be fucking amazing. “Do it. I’m ready.”

“Not so fast, got to get you a little warmed up first.” Kris grinned and took Adam’s semi-hard cock into his mouth, running his tongue up and down the pulsing vein underneath.

“Ohhh god, baby, you’re so good at that,” Adam moaned, feeling his dick spring to attention. He looked down and saw Kris’ mouth stretched around him. So sexy, so beautiful. Adam touched a finger to those full lips and quivered hard enough to send the butterflies on their way. Kris pulled back a little and wrapped a hand around the base of Adam’s dick, then moved both hand and mouth up and down slowly, using spit and pre-cum as lubrication. “So fucking good, angel.” Adam relaxed back into the couch and let his hands fall to his sides, giving in completely to the incredible pleasure sweeping throughout his body. World class…I’ve got to get him to teach me how to do that.

Kris sped up for a few strokes and then popped off softly. He licked slowly down Adam’s shaft and swirled his tongue around his balls before drawing one into his mouth and rolling it around. “Oh my…fuck, baby…ohhh yessssss,” Adam hissed and arched his back.

“Knees up, lover,” said Kris, replacing his mouth with his hand. He continued to stroke Adam and play with his balls while he waited.

Adam nodded and lifted his feet from the floor. He opened his legs and hooked his arms under he knees, drawing them back as far as he could. I’m exposed, but it’s okay. He’s going to take good care of me. Kris helped him scoot forward so that he was almost on his back with his knees by his ears.

“You ready?”

“Absolutely. Give me that sweet tongue of yours, angel.”

Kris licked his lips eagerly and kissed Adam on his left cheek, his inner thigh and then right over his crack. He spread him open gently, lovingly, and looked up. Adam held his breath and knew that his eyes were wide, not with fear, but anticipation. Do it do it do it do it do… “OH!” he gasped when he felt the soft wetness press against his hole. He looked down and saw a wide grin stretch across Kris’ face.

“More?”

“Fuck yes!” Adam said enthusiastically. Shit! I have seriously been missing out!

Kris went to town then, tonguing, licking, and slurping at Adam like a man dying of thirst.

“Holy fucking shit…oh my god…angel, moremoremore!”  But just then Kris drew back and ran his tongue all around his lips. “Fuck, why did you stop?” Adam asked, panting heavily.

“Just wanted to make sure you were enjoying yourself,” Kris said a little smugly.

Adam stared at him in disbelief and then narrowed his eyes. “You know I am, you little punk! Now get back down there and don’t be so gentle this time!”

Kris chuckled and returned to his task at once. He pried Adam apart as far as he could and thrust his tongue like a dick straight into his hole. “Goddamnit!” cried Adam, arching his back and spreading his legs even more. He reached down, threaded his fingers into Kris’ hair and began to fuck himself with Kris’ tongue over and over again. “Uh…uh…uh…” he grunted each time he felt that glorious pressure and wetness enter him. Kris’ drool slithered down Adam’s crack and dripped onto the floor. Adam couldn’t take it anymore; his cock was aching to be touched. He let go of Kris’ head and pulled at his length repeatedly. Kris buried his face between Adam’s cheeks and continued to tongue-fuck him. “Oh god…oh…Kris!” Just as Adam was about to come, Kris leaned forward and swallowed him down, sucking firmly as if he were trying to draw out Adam’s cum. “Oh fuck! Yes! Yes…UHHHH!” Adam thrust into Kris’ mouth and came undone completely, sobbing out his lover’s name as Kris drank him.

Adam flopped onto his side, quaking and wheezing for air. Jesus fucking Christ! Sex will never be the same again! “Angel,” he breathed.

“Right here, baby,” Kris smiled and sat down on the edge of the couch, but Adam could tell he was in pain; his cock was rigid against his belly.

Adam sat up and kissed him. Tasting something musky mixed in with the familiar, he pulled back with a start, but then realized that he was tasting himself on Kris. He dipped back in and absorbed his own flavor. It wasn’t unpleasant, just different. You’ve got to take care of him now. “Oh my poor angel, let me help you out.  I’ll be right back, okay?” He walked to his room, weaving a little on unsteady legs, and came out with a bottle of lube. “As much as I’d love to reciprocate right now, I think you just blew my mind. I’m amazed I can even walk around.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Kris.  “I’m just happy that you’re happy. I can take care of myself.” He held out his hand for the lube but Adam shook his head.

“No way, gorgeous. I think I can manage a decent enough handjob.” He sat with his back against the arm of the couch, stretched out his legs in front of him and opened them a bit. “Come here,” he said, patting the spot between his legs. Kris look immensely relieved. He climbed up and nestled back into Adam.

Adam wrapped his legs around Kris and drizzled some lube onto his twitching, leaking dick.

“Whoo! That’s cold!” Kris gasped.

“Mmmm, don’t worry, rabbit, it’s about to get hot in here. I am so loving this position, too. I’ve got perfect access to your neck now,” Adam chuckled wickedly.

Kris groaned and let his head fall back against Adam’s chest. “Stop teasing already! I’m dying here!”

“Aww, sorry, angel,” Adam cooed. He opened his mouth and positioned it right at the back of Kris’ neck, then hovered his hand an inch away from its target. He let two seconds pass and then bit down and clutched Kris’ cock at the same time.

Kris drew in a sharp breath and moaned. “I’m not going to…last long…like this.”

Adam didn’t reply. He worked his thumb around and around Kris’ slit while nibbling and licking his neck, purposefully laving at the bruise every so often.

“Ohhh Adam, my love…yesssss...”

Adam poured out a little more lube and gripped Kris tightly as he stroked, up and down, up and down, squeezing at the base and running his thumb over the head each time.

“Baby…yes, more…please…faster Adam…” Kris panted. Beads of sweat broke out on his temple and dripped down his neck. Adam caught one on his tongue and latched his mouth onto Kris’ neck, making a second mark to match the first. He sucked hard and buried his teeth into flesh until Kris howled and began driving up into Adam’s hand. “Yes…faster…faster…harder…bite me, bite me!” he yelled.

Adam growled and bit Kris so hard that his teeth pieced skin and drew blood.

“Fuck yes!” Kris screamed and thrust his dick up one last time before he came. His cum pumped out in spurts all over his stomach and then he slumped back into Adam’s arms.

Adam was breathing heavily again and there was definitely life in his cock after Kris’ little display. “Wow, angel…you weren’t joking around about having kinks!” Kris just groaned in reply. Adam cuddled him close and took a few deep breaths until his dick relaxed again. Soon they began to doze off with Adam’s hand still curled around Kris’ soft member.

Adam woke in the middle of the night and carried his lover to bed. After tucking him in, he got a washcloth and sat down on the bed to gently clean the dried blood from Kris’ neck. As he gazed at his love, it occurred to him that he’d been so focused on trusting Kris that he hadn’t realized how much Kris must trust him, too. He sighed and wiped a tear from his eye. Maybe I can have a good life after all.

Chapter 23

“I know, baby, I know…but I have to go back to work tomorrow morning.”

It was nine o’clock on Sunday night. Kris and Adam were standing in the middle of Adam’s living room locked in each other’s arms. Kris’ bag was packed and sitting by the door ready to go.

“Please don’t leave,” whispered Adam, clutching Kris tightly to his chest.

“Adam, my love, you’re breaking my heart here. I want to stay, god knows I do.”

“Then stay, angel. You can go to work from here in the morning. I’ll even promise not to pounce on you when you wake up so you can get ready,” Adam said with a little smile. “Please, I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

It had been a spectacular day. Kris had indeed been pounced on the moment that he’d opened his eyes. After fucking him senseless, Adam made omelets for them and then insisted on watching the news channel for an hour. With no plans and no work for Adam anymore, they spent the day doing whatever they wanted, which ended up to be a make out session in the shower, grocery shopping and messing around in the studio. Kris was so appreciative of the dinner Adam cooked that he offered to give him another rimjob, which he had accepted with great enthusiasm. At seven, Kris started hinting that he had to go home. An hour and a half later he’d walked around the apartment gathering up his things, but Adam kept putting them back and whining exactly like a ‘puppy.’

Shit…this is so hard. I need to go home, but what if he gets so upset that he has another episode and I’m not here? Kris suddenly remembered what Sheila said about taking care of himself. She forgot to mention that it would feel like my heart was being ripped from my body. “But I don’t have my work clothes with me. Please, try to understand? I love you so much, but I really need to go home.”

Adam sighed in what sounded like resignation.

“How about this? You call me when you’re in bed and we can have phone sex and talk until you fall asleep,” Kris suggested.

“Okay,” Adam said, pouting. “But when do I get to see you again?”

Oh god, that bottom lip is so tempting. “Well I have class tomorrow night, so how about after work on Tuesday?” Unable to bear Adam’s pout any longer, Kris lifted up to his toes and sucked on his favorite freckle.

Adam moaned and kissed him, then started to walk them back to his bedroom.

Damn, I should have resisted! He tried to pull back but Adam wasn’t having it, and there was nothing he could do since Adam had those made-to-manhandle-Kris arms. “Baby,” he said in a muffled voice against Adam’s mouth.

Adam broke the kiss and a predatory look replaced his puppy eyes in an instant. “Nope, sorry gorgeous, but you don’t get a choice after that.” He kept moving them, his hands on Kris’ ass, out of the living room and down the hallway.

“That’s not fair, I defy anyone to resist such a cute freckle!” Now Kris was the one whining.

When they reached the bedroom, Adam pushed him down onto the bed and straddled him. “Are you going to behave, my little rabbit, or do I need to get out my whip again?”

Kris gasped, wide-eyed, and tried to figure out if he should give in or fight. Ooohh, but the whip…the whip! Of course, if he’d insisted on it, Kris knew that Adam would let him leave, but…who am I kidding? I’ll go home afterwards. “I won’t behave,” he said and tried to wriggle out from under Adam, praying that he had been serious about his threat.

“Oh? Well now, I think you’ll have to pay the price for that.” Adam unbuckled his belt, pulled it off and wound it tightly around Kris’ wrists. That did it; there was no way that Kris was going anywhere now. Yessssss! Little did Adam know that on their very first night together, he had fulfilled one of Kris’ most cherished fantasies by tying him up to the window in the club room. He fidgeted some more until Adam slammed his hips down into Kris.

“You are going to lie on this bed and not move until I say so, my kinky rabbit, isn’t that right?”

“Yes…yes, anything,” Kris said, nodding franticly. His dick was already hard and painful beneath his jeans.

Adam got up and opened his closet. While he wasn’t looking, Kris moved his wrists slightly, loving the feel of the leather binding them.

“You better not be moving over there or I won’t try out any of my wonderful toys on you!” Adam called from the depths of the walk-in closet.

Toys? Kris couldn’t help but squeal in delight, imagining what Adam would bring out. He heard a deep chuckle.

“Excited, are you? Hmmm, oh yes, that will do nicely,” said Adam wickedly. He emerged from the closet carrying the whip, a dildo, a pocketknife, a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold and a cock ring.

Kris’ brain went it to overdrive and he started to pant in anticipation.

“Now let’s just see if I can discover some more of Kris Allen’s kinks, shall I?”

Ohmygodohmygod. He wasn’t sure about the dildo, but everything else made him wild with desire. Feeling more daring than usual, he stared at Adam and licked the belt that was restraining his hands.

Adam’s eyes flew open, but then he squeezed them shut and let out a soft moan. He shivered and pinned Kris with a heated gaze. “You are a bad…wicked…rabbit,” he said gruffly, stalking to the bed.

“Yes, I’m a bad rabbit, punish me…punish me,” said Kris huskily. He looks like a ravenous wolf!

Adam reached the side of the bed and suddenly dropped down to his knees and disappeared. What the…? Kris heard some rustling beneath the bed and a ‘click,’ and then Adam rose from the floor holding his half of the tie. At the sight of it, Kris groaned and tried to rub his crotch with his bound hands. His own part of the tie was a souvenir of their first night and therefore a love object, but it had also become a kink object and a symbol of his secret bondage fetish. Not so secret anymore. There was something even hotter about Adam using his half to bind Kris.

“Oh no you don’t,” Adam growled, yanking Kris’ hands away. He considered Kris, the toys and the bed and tossed aside the handcuffs. Kris frowned, watching them bounce once on the floor. No handcuffs? But his disappointment would be short-lived. Adam hauled him up the bed and unfastened the belt, instead strapping each wrist separately to the base of the headboard at opposite corners, one with the belt and the other with the tie. Kris liked this new position immediately, but was upset that he was still clothed and wondered how Adam would take care of his shirt now that he was all tied up. He eyed the pocketknife and licked his lips, then began to squirm as his briefs got wetter and wetter.

“Now, now,” Adam chided, “I can’t have you moving around like that.” He re-entered the closet and came out with two scarves, stripped off Kris’ pants and tied each ankle to the frame at the end of the bed, leaving him completely trussed up in nothing but a green t-shirt and black, sopping underwear.

“Please,” Kris moaned and shuddered, unable to stop himself from bucking into the air.

“Mmmm…I think I like having you at my mercy, my sexy, tied up rabbit.” Adam sat on the bed and ran one finger down Kris’ cotton covered dick. Kris whimpered and bucked again. “But I’ll have to do something about these,” Adam said, hooking one finger under the band of Kris’ briefs, “and your shirt, of course.”

Kris glanced at the knife again and felt his heart start to race. “I d-don’t care about the shirt,” he stuttered. Many years ago one of his boyfriends had been into knifeplay, but only for about a week, and Kris hadn’t had to courage to ask for it after that despite how much it turned him on.

“No? Hmm, you seem awfully interested in this,” Adam said picking up the pocketknife and bouncing it in his hand.

Kris followed the knife’s movement and watched as Adam slowly opened the blade. He moaned and writhed as much his bonds would allow.

“Why Kristopher, who would have imagined?” Adam teased. He trailed the flat of the blade from the collar of Kris’ shirt to the hem.

I’m dreaming. There is no way that my fantasies are actually coming to life.

“Hold still, lover,” Adam said softly, suddenly gentle and cautious. He lifted the hem of Kris’ shirt and cut it with the knife. Kris held his breath and watched the gleaming metal coming towards him as it sliced open the cotton. When his chest was finally bared, Adam drew the blade edge lightly around Kris’ nipples and down to his navel before sitting back and closing the knife.

Kris thrashed on the bed, frenzied with want and more turned on than he could ever remember being. “Touch me…please, Adam…touch me!” But Adam just looked at him lovingly. What happened to the wolf? Why is he being so gentle now?

“Kris, angel, you really trust me, don’t you?”

Where is this coming from? “Of course I trust you,” Kris said without hesitation, trying to manage the fiery need pumping through him. But it was too much. “Please, I’m begging you,” he groaned, twisting and jerking as the restraints dug into his skin.

Adam smiled genuinely and then the predator returned in full force. “Touch you? How about...” He leaned over Kris’ cock and opened his mouth an inch away from it, looked up with a wicked gleam in his eye and flicked his tongue.

“Fuck! You are evil…you’re a…a wolf!” cried Kris.

Adam chuckled darkly. “Yes I am…a big, bad wolf that’s about to enjoy a tender, delicious rabbit. He ran his tongue seductively across his upper lip, bent down and bit Kris right on his inner thigh.

Kris threw his head back in ecstasy and groaned loudly. “Again…again…” he pleaded.

“So it’s not just the neck then,” Adam mused. The wolf became merciless, biting all over Kris’ body and gauging his reaction to certain spots. Kris cried and begged the loudest when Adam tried his thighs, pectorals and neck. Over and over Adam sank his teeth into Kris’ flesh, occasionally drawing blood and sending Kris into fits of babbling. All the other toys lay forgotten as Adam experimented until Kris was beyond yelling or pleading and just lay there, quaking and whispering a constant stream of “pleasepleaseplease.”

At long last Adam sat back and surveyed Kris’ utterly claimed body with a satisfied smirk. “So fucking tasty, but this wolf is still hungry. He picked up the pocketknife again and, keeping it closed, moved the handle up and down the soaking wet cotton hiding Kris’ cock.

“M-more…p-please,” Kris sobbed, desperate for the stimulation.

“Oh I’ll give you more,” Adam said with an evil grin. He unfolded the knife for the second time that night and quickly cut through the fabric on both sides of Kris’ briefs.

Kris felt such relief when his dick was finally free that he almost came right then. Before he had time to absorb the sheer sexiness of having his underwear cut from his body, Adam bit him on the groin right next to his slick length. “Fuck! God fucking damnit!”

“Such language!” Adam said in mock surprise. “I think I might like to hear more of that,” he continued and chomped down everywhere but the one place Kris was frantic to feel Adam’s mouth. Kris yelled every curse word he knew until Adam relented. “Let me hear you ask for it, rabbit…go on, I know you want to.

Oh my god I can’t ask him for that! He’s still getting used to it…I can’t!  “Touch me!” he cried.

“You’ll have to be more specific than that. Touch you with what…my hands, my mouth? Hmmm?”

“Anything, anything…please!”

Adam shook his head. “I know what you want, and I will give it to you. Ask me.”

“Your mouth…please,” croaked Kris, tears leaking from his eyes.

“What about my mouth?”

Kris whipped his head from side to side, finally at his limit. “I want your mouth on my cock! Suck me! Suck my dick until I come!”

And with that, Adam took Kris’ throbbing, aching cock in his hand and lowered his mouth down around it. Kris sucked in his breath and let it out with a long, loud wail. Don’t move…don’t move… He was shaking with the effort it took to remain absolutely still so he wouldn’t buck into Adam’s mouth. His voice was his only option to express the combination of relief, pleasure and need ripping him apart as Adam lapped at his dick, sucked him hard and swallowed him down, thought not all the way. “Fuck yes! Oh my fucking god suck it, suck it!” 

And Adam did. Up and down, over and over he caressed Kris’ length with his mouth, hallowed his cheeks and sucked cock like a ravenous beast.

“Oh…fuck…YES!” Adam pulled off just in time as jets of hot cum pumped from Kris’ dick and pooled on his stomach. “God…oh my god, Adam…shit…fuck…” Kris swore as his body went slack in the restraints.

Adam looked extremely pleased with himself. “You are developing quite the potty mouth, angel.” He stood up, yanked his pants down and pulled out his stiff cock, then jerked it three times, shuddered and aimed so that his seed mixed with Kris’.

“Shit!” Kris cried as he felt Adam’s cum hit his belly. So hot, so fucking hot. Adam sat back down on the bed, swiped his pinky through their combined semen and tasted it. Kris trembled and licked his lips. “Ohhh…you’re killing me here,” he moaned, watching Adam suck on his finger.

“Mmmm…salty, kind of creamy…want some?” Adam asked, loading up another finger and offering it to Kris.

Kris opened his mouth in response. Blazing, scorching hot. I am the luckiest bastard on the planet. Adam lay down, raised his finger to Kris’ mouth and smeared the cum on his lips. Kris moaned, absorbing the complete eroticism of that act. He licked his lips, once, twice and then Adam kissed him. They swirled their cum and spit back and forth between them until Kris started to pull on his bonds, now wishing he were free so he could embrace Adam. “Want to hold you,” he said.

Adam sat up and released him so they could snuggle. “Are your wrists okay, angel?” He traced the red lines and kissed them tenderly.

Kris nodded and wiggled closer. “I love every mark you give me. I belong to you.”

“I belong to you, too.” Adam kissed Kris’ ear and squeezed him. “Next time we’ll try the blindfold.”

***

What is that sound? So annoying. Kris sighed back into Adam’s arms and tried to remember the dream he was having. Something about a wolf. Crap, there it is again…oh!His eyes popped open as his tired brain recognized his ringtone at last. Who on earth is calling at this time of…wait what time is it? He raised his head and squinted at the clock on the bedside table. Shit!Trying not to disturb Adam too much, he got out of bed and hastily made his way to the living room. He bent over, wincing a little from some of the bruises on his thighs, and dug into the front pocket of his bag until he found his phone.

“Hello? Yes, Matt, I know…I’m sorry, I just…yes…I’ll be in as soon as I can.  Everything is fine, I just overslept…okay…shit, I’m sorry…yeah, bye.”

“Angel?” Adam called from the bedroom.

Kris grabbed his bag and hurried back. “I’m here, but I have to run. I’m really late for work. Damn it, I should have gone home last night.” He rummaged until he found some clothes and pulled them on quickly. “Got to get home, shower…ugh, no time for breakfast.” He turned to the bed to kiss Adam goodbye. “I’ll call you after work, okay, before my class tonight…baby?” Adam was sitting up in the bed but he looked sad. “What’s the matter?"

“I made you stay last night. I didn’t even set the alarm or anything,” he said quietly.

“Adam, you didn’t make me do anything. I wanted to stay. Okay, so I was planning to go home afterwards, but we fell asleep and that’s not your fault.”

“You’re annoyed.”

“Because I’m late! Look, I don’t have time to talk about this right now. I’ve got to go.” He kissed Adam quickly on the lips and zipped up his bag. “I love you. I’ll call you later…okay?”

Adam nodded and laid back down, still looking unhappy.

Damn, I wish I had more time! I don’t like leaving him like this…four days ago he finally lets me into his apartment and now I have to run out of it. Shit!He paused, undecided for a moment and then went back to the bed. Adam was curled up on his side facing away from Kris. “Hey,” he said softly, sitting down and stroking Adam’s shoulder, “I’m really sorry that I have to run out on you like this.”

“It’s fine,” said Adam tonelessly without moving, “go to work. I don’t want you get in more trouble because of me.”

“I’m not going to get in trouble. Someone else is covering for me but I need to go relieve them.” Adam said nothing. “Baby…I…”

“Just go!” Adam snapped.

What the hell?  “What’s going on here? Why are you angry at me?”

“I’m not.”

If this were happening a year ago, Kris would have done anything to make Adam happy in that moment, no matter the cost to himself. He ground his teeth in frustration. What am I supposed to do here? “Well you sound angry, and I’d love to stay and work this out with you but I can’t,” he said with a hint of impatience and got up to leave.  Just as he reached the doorway, he heard a sniffle and a tiny sob. Crap, I can’t do this. He walked around to other side of the bed so he could see Adam’s face. Oh my god, he’s really crying. But I thought he was angry…for some reason. Ugh, I can’t keep up with his moods. I just want him to be happy. 

So much had happened in the past four days that Kris was starting to feel dizzy from it all. Coming to Adam’s apartment in the first place, then Sam’s escape, Adam in the hospital and the flashbacks, Adam quitting his job, and underlying it all was the love, joy, trust and amazing sex. And now this…whatever this is. Kris pinched the bridge of his nose and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Adam, I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do.”

Adam looked up at him with tears in his eyes. “Me neither,” he said in a small, scared voice.

Kris ran his thumb across Adam’s cheek. “Why are you sad?”

“I…I don’t know,” said Adam, snuffling. “Go to work. I’ll be fine and anyways I’ve got Sheila today.”

Kris didn’t know what else to do and he had to go. He leaned down and hugged Adam, kissed him on the forehead and whispered, “I love you.”

An hour later he was at his counter dressed in a high turtleneck shirt and khakis; his hair was still damp and his stomach was aching with hunger. “Thanks Trevor, I really appreciate you covering my butt. I owe you one, man.” Thankfully it was slow in the store, so Kris had plenty of time to think as he folded sweaters. But no matter how many times he replayed the morning in his head, he couldn’t figure out Adam’s behavior. The only thing he came up with was that Adam felt guilty. That can’t be all…there’s more going on, I know it. It was killing him to be working when Adam might still be lying in bed crying. He’s got therapy today. You don’t have to fix everything. You can’t anyway. You’re going to have to get used to this.

This was a true test of Kris’ recent pledge not to be a people-pleaser. Supporting Adam through his flashbacks, rage and fear this weekend had been challenging no doubt, but at least it was straightforward. Kris knew what to do in an emergency and he did it out of love and concern for Adam. And he had also been doing better in expressing his desires. But this…this kind of situation where he was somehow involved in an emotional conflict…at least I think I am…it triggered all of the old messages saying that if he didn’t make things better, if he didn’t make Adam happy then he wouldn’t be loved.

Ridiculous. He’s not even mad at me…is he?Do I even have anything to feel guilty about? He reviewed the morning again, trying to remember if he had been too harsh with Adam in any way. The sheer familiarity of this kind of thinking and emotional uncertainty made Kris nauseous. Oh my god, you’re doing it again…just stop it! This is exactly why none of your other relationships worked.

The more he thought about it, the more Kris wondered if he’d be able to handle a long term relationship with someone like Adam. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t allow himself to go back to his doormat ways, pouring his energy into assuring everyone’s happiness but his own as some sort of twisted way to get love. Adam’s emotional ups and downs would only make it that much harder for Kris to ignore his triggers and take care of himself. But I love him. And I’m stronger now. I can do this…I can. I don’t know why Adam was angry or sad, and I can’t assume that I had anything to do with that. He loves me, that much I know. That’s what I’m going to focus on until we can sort this out.

“Dude, I didn’t think you even owned a turtleneck.”

Kris looked up from his pile of sweaters. “Oh, hey Matt. Well, just this one.” He smiled dreamily, thinking about the way Adam had claimed him. Yes, he loves me. And I’m going to use my employee discount to get some more of these shirts today.

“Uh-huh. Yeah, I think the last time I wore one was when I got a hickey in eighth grade,” Matt chuckled knowingly. “Anyway, what the hell happened this morning?” He pulled a granola bar out of his pocket and casually slipped it to Kris while checking to make sure no one was watching. “Pretty sure you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Oh my god, you are a lifesaver!” He grabbed the bar and tore into it. “Just overslept. It’s no big deal,” he said through mouthfuls of granola.

Matt eyed him suspiciously. “I haven’t seen you in forever, man. Is everything, you know, going okay?”

Kris swallowed the last of the bar and tossed the wrapper. “It is actually. I mean, sure, it’s not all roses but that’s what happens in real relationships, right? And you deal with it. You work it out and you try your best because you love the person,” he said without thinking.

“You…you’re in love with this guy, with Adam?”

Kris blushed. “I am. I love him, Matt.” I love him enough not to try to fix him, enough to take care of myself so I can love him without resentment. God give me strength.