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It’s almost midnight on Christmas Eve, and Dan is lying wide awake in the Lesters’ guest bedroom, staring up at the ceiling, feeling restless and overheated. He's no stranger to insomnia, but tonight, he knows that it’s fully his own fault he’s still awake.
This evening had been picture-perfect. He, Phil, and the rest of the Lesters had eaten dinner, drank few little too many cocktails, played games, and watched a film together. After the credits had rolled, Martyn and Cornelia had headed off back to their own home with their sleeping daughter in tow, and Dan and Phil had headed upstairs to the cozy little guest room they always share when they're up north.
It was then that Dan had experienced a moment of irrational panic, feeling completely unsure of what he should wear to bed.
The thing is, he usually only sleeps in a pair of boxers. Sometimes, he even forgoes that during the summertime, or if he and Phil fuck before bed and can’t be bothered to put clothes back on afterwards. It works perfectly fine when they’re at home, just the two of them.
But there's absolutely no way he can wear just his pants tonight, not when he knows that Phil's mum is going to sneak into their room at some point with stockings full of little gifts, pretending to be Santa. Dan’s got a reputation to uphold as Phil's polite and lovely partner, after all. And so now he’s lying here, feeing very awake and very hot in the t-shirt and fleece pyjama bottoms he's been lounging around in all day.
Phil, of course, has no qualms about sleeping without a shirt in his family's home, the lucky bastard. He's currently sleeping on his side, facing towards Dan and snoring softly, blissfully unaware that his body is radiating warmth like a space heater and keeping Dan awake.
Dan glances over at him and smiles into the darkness of the guest room. Really, if all he has to complain about right now is that he's feeling too warm next to his boyfriend in bed, it's been a good day. Today’s been so fucking nice. Maybe even the best Christmas Eve he’s ever had.
There'd been no ticking clock in the back of his mind, counting down the minutes until he'd have to leave the Lesters and head back to his hometown, like he has every other year he's spent with Phil's family. He hadn't had to dread the conversations he'd be forced to have with his own family about what he's doing with his life. Christmas Eve has always ended in him sitting alone in his mum's guest bedroom, feeling cold and lonely.
This year is different, and he already loves it more than he can say.
Across the guest room, the door clicks open softly, and light from the hallway spills in. Kath. Dan snaps his eyes shut, evening out his breathing and doing his very best to appear as though he’s sound asleep.
Kath’s slippered feet pause at the door, and then she pads across the carpet and into the room. Dan hears a rustle and a faint jingling noise as she sets a stocking down on the chest at the end of Phil’s side of the bed.
Another rustling sound, and then there’s a second stocking being set down on his side of the bed. Dan's heart leaps. In this brief moment, it’s almost like it’s actually Santa Claus leaving him a gift. It feels good to be thought of, to be folded into all the Lesters' silly, weird, magical little traditions, to be loved.
Kath's footsteps retreat. He hears the door's hinges creak as she starts to close it. Dan continues breathing slowly and evenly, his eyes still shut.
And then Phil rolls over in his sleep and starts snoring like a feral warthog, right in Dan's ear.
Dan hears Kath giggle softly from the doorway, and then he can’t help it; he’s laughing too. It comes out as a stupid sort of wheezing sound as he tries his very best not to wake up Phil next to him.
Kath quickly stifles her laughter. “Dan? That you?”
“Yeah,” he whispers, and opens his eyes, sitting up. In the faint light of the hallway, he can see that she's wearing her reindeer antlers and a pair of Christmassy pyjamas with little snowmen all over them. “Sorry. I’m having some trouble sleeping, but I was trying to keep the Santa magic alive. Phil says it’s an important tradition.”
“Well, good on you for trying, but I don’t know how you could possibly sleep through that,” Kath says. “I’m about to have myself a little midnight snack. Would you like to join me?” She smiles warmly at him. “We can start a new tradition, just the two of us."
“Yeah, I’d think I’d like that.” He climbs gently out of bed, and honestly, thank fuck for his past self’s decision to wear clothing to bed so this moment isn’t horrifically awkward. He tucks the covers back around Phil, who whines a little in protest, then snuggles down, continuing to snore like a chainsaw.
“Martyn always said he hated sharing a room with him when they were kids. Now I understand why.”
“Yeah, well,” Dan says, closing the bedroom door behind him. "He's not always this bad. He only does it when he’s been drinking. Don’t think he was doing that as a kid, at least.”
Kath laughs. “You'd be surprised. When he was about eleven, he was really curious about what wine tasted like. I think he'd seen them drinking on Buffy or one of those other shows he liked and was always on us to try it. We let him have a sip of merlot at dinner one night, and he said it was so disgusting, he’d never, ever drink alcohol as an adult.”
“He lied. That man loves rosé and fruity cocktails, and those snowballs you make, too.”
Kath smiles. “Well, there’ll be plenty of those to go around tomorrow. Guess you’ll just have to deal with all the snoring afterwards, yeah?”
“And him turning into Captain Silly,” Dan says.
“He really is such a silly goose, isn’t he?”
Dan smiles. “The absolute silliest.”
They’ve entered the kitchen now, and Kath gestures for Dan to sit down at the table. He does, settling into what’s become his chair when he’s up north. “Would you like some gingerbread?”
“Yes, please.” He watches her move around the kitchen, placing biscuits onto two small plates. She’d made a huge batch a few days ago, then enlisted everyone to sit around the kitchen table and help decorate them.
She sets Dan’s plate down in front of him. She's given him a gingerbread dog, one that's been messily iced with uneven eyes, a gigantic smile, and a rainbow of sprinkles all over its body. Dan can’t help but smile looking down at it. It’s honestly a tossup whether Phil or their niece decorated that one.
Kath's gingerbread is shaped like a t-rex, so nicely decorated you could probably sell it in a shop. Nigel must have done that one, Dan thinks. Fine art skills seemingly translate well into baking, because he’d quickly proven himself the most competent at using the icing.
“Cheers,” Kath says, holding up the gingerbread dinosaur. Dan taps it with his own dog, a few sprinkles falling to his plate, and they enjoy their first bite. “So, did you have a good Christmas Eve?”
“Of course,” Dan says. “It was honestly maybe the most fun one I've had in a long time.”
“I’m glad,” she says. “Even though I kept beating you at that Papa’s Quiz game?”
He and Phil had introduced the Lesters to the game a few years back, and it’s become a firm favourite ever since, along with the ever-classic Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. “Hmmm. Except for that. I'm calling a rematch tomorrow.”
“Deal,” Kath says, and takes another bite of gingerbread. “I think my favourite part was not having to put you on a plane back to your hometown this afternoon. We always miss you after you leave.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course. You are our favourite son-in-law, after all.” She smiles at him. “I know you’re probably sick of hearing me say it, but we’ve wanted you to stay for Christmas for a long time. We’re so excited it's finally happening.”
He smiles back at her. “Me too. Phil's been telling me about it for years. The Smurfs album, and the presents, and everything. I'm excited.”
“Good.” She sets her gingerbread down on her plate. “Although part of me still feels bad about taking you away from your own family.”
“I'm so glad I don't have to see them tomorrow,” Dan blurts, probably too quickly because she blinks in surprise. “Is that bad to say? I mean, they're my family. I probably shouldn't–”
“It’s not bad to feel whatever it is you feel,” Kath says firmly.
“I mean, I’ll probably call them at some point tomorrow, just to say hello. But I don’t know.” Dan shrugs. “I’m mostly just relieved I don’t have to go back to my hometown and force myself spend the whole day celebrating with people I couldn't fully be myself around. I always ended up feeling, I don't know. Weird and empty by the end of the day.”
“I'm glad you're not seeing them, then,” she says. “No one should have to feel like that on Christmas.”
Dan shrugs. “I guess it’s just like… I finally figured out a few years ago that I hated leaving here more than I liked seeing my nana and mum and the dog.” He swallows. “But I always went back every year because it felt like what I was supposed to do. And I was so scared of what people would, you know. Assume. If I stayed with Phil for Christmas.”
Kath nods. She’s been one of the only people who’ve known the whole time that he and Phil are a couple, who’ve supported them unconditionally as they’ve grown into the people they are today, so there’s no doubt that she knows exactly what he means.
“And I don’t know,” he continues. “This year especially, I’ve realized I’m done with being scared. I’m so much happier just being me. Living how I want to, with Phil. Together.” Suddenly overwhelmed at how open he’s being, he stares down at the remaining half of the sprinkle-covered gingerbread dog on his plate.
“Dan. D’you want to know something?”
He meets her eye again. “What?”
“When Phil FaceTimed me and told me you’d decided you were staying for Christmas Day this year, he had the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face.”
“He did?”
She nods. “And the very first thing he asked me was to make sure you had a stocking too. And to fill it with all sorts of treats. Not just a boring old satsuma and paracetamol, some special stuff that he’ll actually like, I think he said.”
Dan snorts. “Of course he did.”
“That boy loves our family traditions more than I do, I think. I just know that he's so excited that he finally gets to share them with you properly.” She looks at him appraisingly over her glasses. “But there's something I didn't tell him.”
He frowns. “What?”
“I’ve had a stocking tucked away for you for years now, just in case you decided to stay. Because I knew you would one day.”
Dan blinks in surprise. “What? You have?”
“Of course. You’re family, Dan. I think you have been ever since that first Christmas Eve you spent running around our back garden with Phil.”
“I think so too.” Dan can’t help but smile. They’d fallen so hard and fast back then, spending every spare moment together. Of course Phil’s parents saw it too. And they see him now, seventeen years later. They love him as one of their own. “So then. What special treats did Santa decide to bring me in my stocking for my very first Lester Family Christmas?”
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly say,” Kath says airily, her eyes twinkling. “And there’ll be absolutely no peeking when you go back upstairs. You’ll just need to be patient and wait until the morning to find out with the rest of us.”
Dan smiles. That sounds like a pretty perfect plan to him.