Chapter Text
When Nano proposed doing a Secret Santa instead of getting a gift for each one of them, everyone had seemed enthusiastic. It allowed them one big mutual gift where they could all pitch in, plus a second gift through the Secret Santa exchange. Everyone had been on board, and Jun couldn't wait to pick a name out of the little Santa hat Nano provided.
His fingers practically itched with anticipation as he imagined reaching into that hat. He was greatly hoping to pick Thame, or Nano—his mind was already swarming with ideas for them. Thame being his best friend made it easy to know what he'd like or want. And Nano was easy to shop for. You could gift him a cute plushie from a claw machine and he'd already kiss your feet in gratitude, his joy genuine and effusive. The kid—who was no longer really a kid, but would probably always be "the kid" in Jun's mind—was so easily satisfied that he made the perfect recipient for Secret Santa, the ideal person to restore your faith in the simple magic of gift-giving.
Pepper would be fine too, straightforward and easy to please. But he dreaded picking Po. Or worse, Dylan.
What could you possibly gift to someone who was perpetually grumpy, whose default expression seemed to be carved from granite? Nothing would make him happy. Besides, the rest of the crew had already planned his big gift, so it wasn't like they were lacking ideas on that front. Jun's stomach twisted at the thought of having to pick something meaningful for someone who seemed to find fault in everything.
Nano was fully in charge of everything, his excitement palpable. He'd prepared little notes with each of their names on them, and probably little doodles as well, considering how long it took him for each piece of paper. Jun had watched him hunched over the kitchen table for nearly an hour the previous evening, tongue poking out in concentration. Nano put them all in the tiniest Christmas hat Jun had ever seen—a ridiculous little thing that barely fit their hands—and decided the order of the draw would be eldest to youngest, which meant he would go last.
Jun liked the idea of picking second and still having many choices available, the odds heavily in his favor. It heightened his chances of picking those he wanted.
Po went first, sticking his big hand into the tiny hat, retrieving one piece and opening it under everyone's watchful gaze. Just by his smile—a soft, dopey expression—Jun was sure he'd picked Thame. The guy had no poker face and couldn't lie to save his life. Well, except to break Thame's heart temporarily, which Jun still hadn't forgiven him for. The memory still left a bitter taste in Jun's mouth, protective instincts flaring even now.
Jun excitedly got up, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as he trotted to Nano, barely waiting for Nano to finish his sentence about reminding everyone of the rules—something about a spending limit and keeping things appropriate—before plunging his hand inside the hat. The paper felt crisp between his fingers, slightly textured from Nano's scribbles. He took his time opening the little note, drawing out the anticipation, only to find his own name written on it in Nano's characteristic bubbly handwriting, complete with a tiny smiling snowman in the corner.
For one second, he genuinely debated keeping it, ensuring himself the perfect gift to receive. He knew exactly what he wanted, after all. But that defeated the entire purpose of this thing, sucked the magic right out of it.
"As much as I'd like to give myself a little treat," he announced, his voice carrying that particular lilt he used when he was about to be charming, "this doesn't seem fair. May I pick again?"
With his most blinding smile, he showed the paper to everyone, and mostly to Nano, who nodded enthusiastically and shook the hat despite it not making any sound when he did, the little pom-pom on top bobbing ridiculously.
Jun used everyone's distraction to fold the paper a little differently, his fingers working quickly and precisely, creating a distinctive diagonal crease that made his paper recognizable amongst all of them. A little insurance policy. He put it back in the hat and picked another one.
His poker face was his most prized skill, honed over years of hiding exhaustion during promotions, masking disappointment at awards shows, concealing irritation during endless interview or covering his hangovers behind a blinding smile. And upon reading 'DYLAN' next to a very cute reindeer—this one had an oversized red nose and appeared to be winking—Jun didn't let anything show through his expression. Not the sinking disappointment or the flash of resignation. He was a master at hiding his emotions, but he still felt a little less excited, a subtle deflation in his chest, as he sat down again on the couch while Dylan stood up.
Despite agreeing to participate, Dylan seemed to be marching to his execution, his shoulders drawn inward like he was bracing himself for impact. Jun followed his movements, but Dylan's face gave nothing away. If there was one person here capable of beating his poker face, it was Dylan. The man was a fortress, impenetrable and remote. The only emotions he easily let through were disdain and anger, everything else hidden behind a mask of contempt and indifference.
Then Jun's eyes fell on the piece of paper in Dylan's hands, and he almost let his own mask slip for one millisecond when he recognized the distinctive diagonal fold.
No way!
Jun really should have kept his mouth shut and gifted himself something, because knowing Dylan and his apparent lack of fondness for him, Jun would probably get the worst gift out of them all. He could already imagine some generic, thoughtless present that screamed "I don't care enough to try." A passive-aggressive statement wrapped in festive paper.
Well, maybe it was a good thing he'd picked Dylan in the end. An eye for an eye, perfectly balanced. He'd make sure to be on par with whatever Dylan planned for him, match that petty energy beat for beat.
If Jun was still able to read his bandmates as well as he usually did—and he prided himself on being observant, on knowing them all like the back of his hand—the draw was quite simple. Nano's smile had given him away instantly, that sunshine-bright expression that meant he'd gotten exactly who he wanted.
And even though Pepper was harder to read, Thame's enthusiastic but contained reaction confirmed he hadn't drawn his boyfriend. Process of elimination made the rest obvious.
The rest of the night dissolved into their usual shenanigans, and Jun kind of forgot all about the Secret Santa, who he had drawn and who had drawn him. The alcohol helped, warming his veins and loosening the knot of anxiety that had formed when he'd drawn Dylan's name. It didn't matter much anyway, as he had high hopes for the big gift. He had several ideas in mind, and he knew that he could count on Pepper or Thame to make his Christmas wishlist come true.
[***]
Jun liked shopping—the hunt for the perfect item and the satisfaction of a good find. But he hated Christmas shopping with a passion that bordered on visceral. Everyone was in a rush, their stress palpable and contagious. The malls were too crowded, shoulder-to-shoulder humanity that made him want to claw his way back outside, and the incessant Christmas music in every single store got on his nerves like nails on a chalkboard. He really did like Christmas, genuinely loved the warmth and tradition of it, but this felt overwhelming.
Hearing the same 5 or 6 songs every half hour was a special kind of torture.
Maybe MARS should do a Christmas song, he mused as he dodged a woman with too many shopping bags. Nano would be absolutely enchanted, would probably cry happy tears in the recording booth, and it would surely work commercially. Well… only if they had someone other than their resident grumpy guy writing it. Dylan's version would certainly be bleak. Though the image of Dylan hunched over his notebook, trying to write something cheerful and festive, was almost amusing enough to make Jun smile.
Thinking of the devil, Jun still needed to find the perfect gift for this Secret Santa thing, and he was both full of ideas and coming short. The contradiction frustrated him—his mind was a jumble of half-formed thoughts, none quite right. He could not find anything that would still be useful to Dylan—he wasn't a complete asshole, despite what Dylan probably thought—while being a little funny, a little pointed. A gentle jab wrapped in holiday cheer. A gift that said "I put in minimal effort but I'm not a total jerk."
Besides, he was in charge of not one, but two gifts, because somehow the others having significant others meant that Jun was also stuck being Dylan's shopping partner for the mutual gift. The logic was sound but annoying: everyone else was buying for their boyfriends, which left Jun to handle Dylan's half of the group present. The burden of being perpetually single, apparently.
Thankfully, Jun had already ordered the keyboard everyone had agreed on. The sleek MIDI keyboard Dylan had mentioned offhandedly months ago, the one that made his eyes light up for just a second before he'd shuttered the expression. Jun was scheduled to pick it up tomorrow afternoon while Dylan would be in the studio, and out of the house. So he was one down, but still one to go.
He'd managed to find something for his mum—her usual yearly pair of earrings, this time delicate gold hoops with tiny pearls that would complement her skin tone perfectly. His dad had been easy too: a new winter jacket in charcoal gray because they were yet again traveling to Switzerland in February, as predictable as clockwork in their retirement adventures. His sister, brother-in-law, and nephews were all checked off the list as well. The little monsters were the easiest to shop for, really—any new gadget or toy currently trending would do.They didn't care about sentiment, just wanted whatever flashed and beeped the loudest making them blessedly simple.
He was still wandering aimlessly in the mall, feet aching and head pounding from the noise, when his eyes fell on a pair of socks and his brain went 'Eureka!' They were ridiculous—bright green with a cartoon Grinch scowling on the ankle. Perfect. He walked closer, finding himself next to a shop that apparently did customized items that he could not remember ever seeing before despite passing this corridor dozens of times.
Inside was a treasure trove of every possible item you could want customized. Mugs, phone cases, leather goods, clothing, jewelry—if it could have a name or design added to it, they offered it.
Jun took the time to watch everything, fascinated despite himself. He watched the two attendants that were customizing every piece on the spot—one carefully stitching with hands that moved quickly and precisely, the other operating what looked like a small engraving machine. It was quite incredible work. The items didn't look cheap, and the customization gave each piece a personal touch that transformed them from generic to meaningful.
He made his decision to grab the pair of socks he'd seen at the entrance, feeling like the Grinch was perfect for Dylan—the parallel was too good to pass up. The socks were apparently handmade with cotton and extremely soft to the touch, the kind of quality that made them more than just a joke gift. He waited his turn and asked for Dylan's name to be engraved on the socks, his full name for good measure to avoid him reselling them. Dylan Zhou, in elegant script along the sole.
While waiting for the attendant to be done sewing the name on the socks, his gaze settled on a leather journal behind her. The leather was pitch black, smooth and supple-looking, just like Dylan liked. Upon closer inspection, it was an empty notebook, exactly like the ones Dylan used but in much better quality. The leather had a rich sheen to it, the kind that would age beautifully. He hesitated, fingers drumming against his thigh as he thought. Dylan had been scribbling in the last few pages of his current notebook the last time Jun saw him.
But he had also already found a gift, and wasn't expecting much better from Dylan. Plus, the leather journal's obvious quality meant it was much more expensive than the socks, would push him well over the agreed-upon spending limit they'd set.
He tried to tell his mind no, absolutely not, focusing determinedly on the attendant and her careful stitching, watching the letters take shape in the fabric. But every few seconds, his gaze inevitably drifted back to the notebook, drawn like a magnet. The rich leather seemed to call to him, and he could picture it so clearly—Dylan's long fingers wrapped around it, the pleased surprise in his eyes.
With a resigned sigh, he ended up reaching for the journal, lifting it carefully from the shelf and adding it to his items to be customized. The leather was as soft as he'd imagined, butter-smooth under his palm.
It didn't have to be a Christmas gift, he rationalized, the justification forming even as he knew it was flimsy. It could serve as Dylan's next birthday gift or something, could sit in his closet for months waiting for the right occasion. Even if Dylan's birthday wasn't for another ten months. It wouldn't be wasted—Dylan went through notebooks at the speed of light, constantly filling pages—and that practical consideration was what decided him in the end.
[***]
Having a solo schedule on the 24th meant that when Jun got home, everyone was already ready to party. The door opened to chaos and he wondered if he'd entered the right house, because it looked nothing like the house he'd left hours earlier. The transformation was staggering—it was like stepping into a different world.
There was a gigantic plastic Christmas tree in the living room, fully decorated in golden and red ornaments that caught the light and sparkled. Twinkling lights had been strung up on the walls in swooping patterns. Six stockings hung on a wire by the window, each one sewn with their names in embroidery that could only be Nano's handiwork.
"Merry Christmas, P'Jun!" Nano shouted while he ran to him, practically bouncing with excitement. He closed the door behind Jun, and helped him wrestle off his shoes. "Go change quickly, we're almost ready. I think we should do the Secret Santa before dinner. I've bought Christmas wrapping that is in the kitchen so all of us have the same wrapping to make it harder to guess who bought what. Hurry up, hurry up!"
Nano was a whirlwind of excitement, words tumbling over each other in his enthusiasm. He pushed Jun toward his room, hands on Jun's back with surprising force for someone so small, before trotting back to Pepper's side who was still ornating the tree under Nano's thorough inspection. Jun smiled despite his exhaustion, Nano's energy never ceasing to amaze him. It was infectious, impossible to resist—like trying to stay grumpy around a puppy.
He grabbed the gift wrap paper on his way to his room—generic red with gold snowflakes—and made quick work of wrapping the socks. He did his best to write 'DYLAN' without his handwriting being recognizable. Then he got dressed, pulling on dark jeans and a fitted black shirt.
"P'Jun! Don't forget the Christmas sweater, it's a requirement!"
Jun sighed, the sound heavy with resignation, eyeing the reindeer sweater Nano had forced him to buy during a shopping trip that had felt more like a hostage situation. It was aggressively festive—red with a giant reindeer face complete with a light-up nose that blinked.
Nano wanted the full Christmas experience, down to the ugly sweater, and Jun, or anyone else for that matter, could never say no to Nano. Those big eyes, that trembling lower lip—it was emotional manipulation of the highest order and they all fell for it every time.
When Jun finally stepped out of his room, tugging self-consciously at the ridiculous sweater, he did his best to put the gift under the Christmas tree next to the rest without being seen. He crouched down, trying to be subtle, tucking the small package behind a larger one. Thankfully, Pepper had already retrieved the keyboard, because it was definitely much too big to be discreet.
Then he begrudgingly helped everyone bring all the snacks that had been prepared during his absence to the living room table by the couches. His arms filled with bowls and platters, the smell of everything making his mouth water. It was insane how much food was scattered everywhere already—all sorts of toasts topped with cream cheese and salmon, multiple varieties of chips in festive bowls, at least five different dippings that ranged from hummus to some kind of spicy cheese concoction. Jun couldn't believe they were still supposed to eat a proper dinner after all of this. His stomach protested just looking at it all. Nano had begged for traditional European Christmas, and Jun was starting to think it was too excessive.
Then his eyes fell on Dylan's sweater and he couldn't help but laugh, the sound bursting out of him before he could stop it. It was at least a size too big, maybe even two or three sizes, and fell over his shoulders, making Dylan look extremely small—drowning in black knit that puddled around his wrists and hung past his hips. But what made Jun laugh wasn't the oversized sweater, it was the terrible drawing of a Grinch on it, matching the socks that were still carefully wrapped under the tree. This was absolute perfection and comedic gold. Dylan looked annoyed and adorable in equal measure
"Suits you!" Jun couldn't help but say, pointing at Dylan's sweater with barely contained glee, his grin wide and genuine.
"At least it doesn't have a stupid red nose bump like yours," Dylan countered.
He slouched in the middle of the couch, seemingly done with bringing food to the table, his body language screaming ‘I don’t care’. And, indeed, Pepper was bringing in the cocktails he had prepared—something ruby red in a large pitcher—ready to fill the glasses scattered on the table.
"Take a seat, my beloved phi phis," Nano exclaimed as if he was the host of some elaborate party, spreading his arms wide in invitation.
Jun hesitated before sitting, surveying his options. His only choices so far were Po on one side, and Dylan on the other side, so not much to go with. Besides, he knew couples would likely stick together like glue—Nano was already pulling Pepper down next to him, and Thame was gravitating toward Po. So he sat next to Dylan with a sigh, the couch dipping under his weight, their thighs touching because Dylan had decided to sit in the middle for some reason.
Pepper was quick to serve everyone, and soon enough they were all toasting to Christmas, glasses raised high and clinking together with cheerful chimes, as well as a great year for MARS and the future shaping up to be bright. The cocktail was sweet and strong, burning pleasantly down Jun's throat. Nano was clearly too excited, because as soon as they were done cheering, he bolted up and grabbed the first gift, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste.
"Same order as last time, eldest to youngest. P'Po, I leave the floor to you."
It was clear as day how much Po hated being the center of attention—the tip of his ears was bright red, standing out against his tan skin, and his hands fumbled with the wrapping paper. He unwrapped the gift to find a camera lens attachment, not for his camera but for his smartphone. Jun remembered Po seeing someone use one at a shoot and gushing about the cool features, his usual quiet demeanor replaced by genuine enthusiasm. Pepper had done well, unsurprisingly. The man had a gift for thoughtfulness.
"Now you need to guess, p'Po. Who gifted you this?" Nano exclaimed brightly, clapping his hands together.
"Hmmmm… This is quite thoughtful and something I definitely mentioned around some of you. Maybe… Jun?"
Stupid earnest guy with shiny eyes and that hopeful expression. Jun fucking hated how hopeful he had been those few seconds before the gentle rejection. He hated that he'd misread every sign, convinced himself Po was interested when Po had been thinking about Thame the whole time. Jun kind of wished he didn't have to stare at him almost every day after having been denied, but hey, he was happy for Thame and that was all that mattered. Mostly. Eventually, the sting would fade.
"I fear you overestimate me," Jun replied as nicely as he could, keeping his voice light and unbothered.
Po ducked his head, probably embarrassed at having guessed wrong, and Jun barely managed to reign in the groan that wanted to escape. The awkwardness hung in the air like smoke. But before he could react any further, and most likely tease Po about the shyness because deflection was Jun's specialty, he received an elbow to the ribs—sharp and purposeful.
"Behave!" He heard Dylan admonish him in a low voice that somehow cut through the chatter, and seriously? Was he really that transparent about how annoyed he still was about the entire fiasco that had been his attempt at flirting with Po? Yeah, Jun was ashamed of how obvious he had been, and he was fucking angry at Po for breaking not only his heart—which Jun could handle—but Thame's heart too. Even if it only lasted for a short time, even if they were happy now, Jun remembered Thame's tears and the fury still simmered under his skin.
So he kept his mouth shut, pressing his lips together and taking a long drink of his cocktail, and let Po guess Pepper correctly this time.
Then it was already Jun's turn, and this time around, he kind of would have liked everyone else to go first, just so that he could boast about having the worst gift and have it easier to say it came from Dylan. He could already imagine his dramatic sigh, the eye roll. But his little smile was wiped from his face as he carefully unwrapped the gift, paper tearing under his fingers. Inside was nothing like he'd imagined—no stupid pair of socks, no silly gag gift that would get a cheap laugh.
He turned the gift around, making sure he wasn't hallucinating, that his eyes weren't playing tricks on him in the dim lighting. Then he looked up at Dylan, finding his eyes glued to his face, watching his reaction with an intensity that made Jun's skin prickle, and eventually looked at everyone else in complete bewilderment.
"Did you wrap the wrong gift? Shouldn't this be the mutual gift?" Jun asked everyone and no one at the same time, his voice rising slightly, still not believing what he was holding.
"No," he heard Pepper and Thame answer at the same time, their voices overlapping.
In his hands sat the customized headphones he'd been gushing about for weeks—sleek white with subtle curves, expensive and beautiful. "JT" was engraved on the side in golden letters on the white background, catching the light and glinting. It was way over the price range they'd all agreed on—at least three times the limit—and definitely something that could have been part of a mutual gift.
"Are you insane, Dylan? Is this some kind of sick joke? Are they not working or something?" Jun asked dumbfoundedly, his heart hammering against his ribs, gaze returning to Dylan who was still staring at him with those dark, unreadable eyes. A smile slowly bloomed on Dylan's lips—genuine and almost fond, transforming his usually stern face into something softer.
"I knew you'd find a way to cheat after picking your own name," was all that Dylan said, instead of answering any of Jun's questions. His voice was warm, almost teasing, so different from his usual flat tone.
Yeah, he'd kind of blown his cover by being so damn sure that Dylan had gotten him his gift, but Jun was too awestruck to care. His fingers traced the engraved letters reverently, disbelieving.
"I folded the paper differently, so I'd know who picked it," Jun explained truthfully, the words tumbling out. He didn't care anymore about being caught. Not about this. Not when he was holding proof that Dylan had been paying attention, that Dylan knew exactly what Jun wanted.
Everyone's eyes were on Jun, he could feel the weight of their stares, but all he could look at was Dylan. Dylan who was smiling like he knew perfectly how he'd surprised Jun, how he'd completely upended Jun's expectations, and also knew he would never answer any of his questions. Damn him and his poker face, and damn Jun's racing heart.
"I think it's my turn," Dylan said instead, getting to his feet, and tapping Jun's shoulder to take his spot near the tree. His touch burned through the ridiculous sweater. "Just say thank you and move on. Take it as the holiday spirit suddenly invading my body."
For once, Jun had nothing to say—his mind blank, his usual quick wit completely deserting him—so he quietly sat back down, feeling Nano sending daggers his way, probably unhappy that Jun had found a way to cheat. But Jun couldn't bring himself to care, too busy trying to process what just happened.
For one split second, Jun had forgotten about the gift he'd made, but watching Dylan open it, it all came rushing back, and all he could feel was shame. Hot, uncomfortable shame that made his face burn. He'd prepared something a little fun and silly, expecting Dylan's gift to be lame or thoughtless, only for Dylan to completely take him off guard and buy him something from his wishlist, something expensive and personalized and perfect.
Jun slouched further into the couch, torn between wanting to disappear through the floor and not miss a second of Dylan's reaction. He stayed, couldn't look away even though mortification was eating him alive. Dylan's laughter rang in his ears as the pair of socks came into view—bright and ridiculous with that stupid Grinch.
"You're so predictable, Jun."
The words should have stung, but Dylan's tone was affectionate, indulgent even. While Jun was caught off guard yet again by Dylan's genuinely happy reaction—no sarcasm, no eye roll, just pure pleasure—Dylan removed his own socks right there and replaced them instantly with the Grinch ones Jun had gifted, tucking his pants inside them to make them visible. The Grinch glared up from Dylan's ankles.
"Thanks. They match perfectly with the sweater. They're quite soft as well, I appreciate the quality."
"I'm sorry," was all that Jun could say, the words inadequate. He felt like he was apologizing for more than just the socks, but for every assumption. Because he'd been a dickhead, had judged Dylan without reason.
"Don't be. It's a practical gift, and the customization is a nice touch. You could have done much worse."
The easy acceptance made Jun's throat tight. Dylan could have made him feel terrible, could have pointed out the disparity in their gifts, but instead he was being... kind. Gracious.
"I can't believe you two," Nano interrupted, looking between them with exasperation mixed with fondness.
"What?" Jun replied, a little on edge, defensive.
"Nothing. If I say what I think, you're going to smack me. But I can't wait for you to figure it out, because it's getting painful to watch." Nano said whimsically, giving Jun absolutely no clue what he was talking about, but Dylan seemed to understand, because he winked in Nano's direction, playful and conspiratorial.
What the hell was happening? Were they all playing a prank on him? But Thame looked just as confused when Jun turned to him, eyebrows raised in question, and shrugged as if to say "I don't understand either."
"P'Per, please go before I lose my mind."
"Okay, baby," Pepper replied before kissing Nano's temple tenderly, and getting up.
Jun barely paid attention to the rest of the gift unwrapping, his mind churning. He was too busy obsessing about Dylan who sat next to him, seemingly enjoying the night, his shoulders loose and relaxed. The tension that usually lived in Dylan's spine was gone, replaced by something easy and content. He didn't seem the least bit put out by Jun's terrible gift compared to his amazing one. If it had been a competition, Jun would have lost fair and square, utterly destroyed.
The more time passed, the more aggravated Jun felt. Restless energy built under his skin, making it hard to sit still. He couldn't let Dylan win this round, couldn't let himself be beaten so easily over stupid Christmas gifts. His competitive nature, usually an asset, was now making him itchy with the need to even the score.
He lasted until the very end of the night before grabbing Dylan's wrist as everyone said goodnight and forcing him into his room, keeping the door open to appear less threatening. Dylan followed without resistance, which was surprising enough to give Jun pause.
"Stay here, give me one sec," he said as Dylan stood in the middle of his room, looking around with curious eyes, while Jun rummaged through his still unwrapped shopping bags. His hands shook slightly as he searched, adrenaline making him clumsy. He found the notebook quite easily, tucked between his nephews' toys—the leather smooth and cool to the touch. He grabbed it and shoved it into Dylan's chest, forcefully enough for Dylan to take a step back and fumble to catch it.
"What is this?" Dylan asked, looking down at it, his long fingers immediately exploring the texture, inspecting it closely.
"I saw it while I was shopping and couldn't help thinking of you. I planned to keep it for some other occasion, but…" Jun trailed off, unsure how to finish that sentence.
Dylan was examining the notebook intently, his fingers tracing the "D.Z." embossed on the bottom, then turning it over to find 'Dylan Zhou' engraved on the back in elegant script. His touch was reverent, like he was holding something precious. When Dylan looked up, his eyes were shining strangely.
"I—It's really beautiful, thank you."
Did Dylan sound emotional or was Jun dreaming? His voice had gone soft, almost shaky. Maybe it was the alcohol playing tricks on him, Dylan was most likely just pleasantly buzzed and a little less closed off than usual. The walls he usually kept so firmly in place were down, leaving him vulnerable. Maybe he'd be more willing to talk, so Jun took his chance, heart in his throat.
"Why did you gift me the headphones if you knew I would do something random and dumb?"
It was clear Dylan didn't know Jun would be the one gifting him something, but he had also expected it to be lame if Jun did end up being the one. They both knew how they operated, knew the game they played.
"You still have no clue I'm in love with you. It's kind of cute."
Brain freeze. Complete system shutdown. If they were in a country where it snowed for Christmas, he'd be as cold as the freezing weather outside, ice in his veins instead of blood. Rewind. Surely he'd heard that wrong, misheard over the pounding of his own heart.
"I—What?"
Jun had never seen Dylan look so... vulnerable. Shy? Bashful? Cute? Adorable? All those words that Jun had never associated with Dylan, who was always so controlled, so guarded. But now his cheeks were slightly flushed, probably from alcohol and heat, and he was looking at Jun like Jun was something precious.
"Merry Christmas, Jun," he said in the softest , most devastatingly gentle voice Jun had ever heard come from his mouth.
Then Dylan leaned in, and Jun held his breath, still frozen and unable to do anything else but stand there in his bedroom like an idiot, like his brain had completely short-circuited. Dylan's face got closer until Dylan's lips landed on his cheek, millimeters away from his mouth, close enough that Jun could feel the warmth of his breath. Jun felt the touch in every single one of his pores, every nerve ending on his skin tingling with electricity, fireworks exploding under his skin. The touch was chaste but burned like a brand. When Dylan stepped back, Jun found himself disappointed by the loss, aching for more, and the surprise kept him silent and stupid.
Before closing the door behind him, Dylan leaned in one last time, clutching the notebook to his chest like it was treasure, and said, "goodnight, Jun," with the same super soft voice that made Jun's stomach flip, and Jun's heart stupidly somersaulted in his chest. Then Dylan was gone, the door clicking shut softly, and Jun stumbled back until he reached his bed, his legs unsteady. He slouched on it as soon as his knees buckled against the frame, clutching his hammering heart while looking up at the ceiling, trying to remember how to breathe.
What the hell had just happened?