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The nightmares start not long after they have left Chicago.
Johnny knows they’re there for a reason, especially since he dreams the same thing over and over. The moment when they left the Casino, convinced they had spent all of the things the spring had brought forth, weakened from the fight a couple of moments before. The moment when, to their surprise, roots grew out of the wall next to them, pushing through and settling into Gyro’s body, eager to take him with them. The moment when they realized that they, in fact, hadn’t spent everything yet, that there was still something to trade. Three corpse parts, two ears and one arm, and someone who was willing to take them. There just wasn’t someone who was willing to give them up in exchange for his friend’s safety.
Gyro doesn’t mention it at all, despite Johnny’s reluctance to trade the corpse parts being the last thing he saw before the tree started pulling him in. He doesn’t blame Johnny, doesn’t lash out at him or accuse him. But Johnny is convinced that he can see pain of almost-betrayal in Gyro’s green eyes whenever he speaks to him, clouding them with a sadness that threatens to rip Johnny in half and makes his cheeks burn with shame. It doesn’t matter that he did hand the parts over in the end. It doesn’t matter than he and Gyro sat in the snow after it was over, drinking wine as if to celebrate, as if nothing had happened. The fact that he hesitated still nags at him.
Johnny fears going to bed, for, after a long time of fidgeting and shifting his upper body from the left to the right side and back again, he falls asleep only to be immediately greeted by heaps of reproaches from his subconscious.
His nightmares not only show every last bit of detail to him, they also let him experience everything from Gyro’s perspective, let him feel the pull of the roots, the feeling of panic and helplessness, as he looks into his own face that smiles spitefully. He claws at the ground, trying to hold on to something, but it is smooth and solid and all that happens is his nails breaking and splintering as they try to dig into it. There is a sudden, jerky haul that completely pulls him through the wall, into the darkness. The next thing he sees is a thin membrane that coats his body and the vague outline of a branch and a dozen or so of people who protrude from it like busts carved out of wood.
There is a sea of voices, of people moaning and crying and cursing their fate, but one sticks out to Johnny more than any other. He would recognize the deep, silky timbre of Gyro’s voice anywhere.
Why, Johnny? I trusted you...
The words are spoken softly, but they vibrate with underlying notes of disappointment and sorrow. Johnny doesn't want to hear it, wishes desperately that he had hands with which to cover his ears, but they are part of the tree now and so he is forced to listen to Gyro, whose voice gets louder with each time he speaks.
Gyro repeats this again and again and again, until the words ingrain themselves in Johnny's mind, until he can't hear them anymore, doesn't bear to hear them anymore, the burden of what he has done weighing too heavy on him. It is at this point, that he is pushed to the brink and wakes with a start. This night isn't different.
Johnny lies there, drenched in sweat, eyes wide open as he's trying to catch his breath. He is worried for a moment that his nightmare might have woken Gyro this time, but just like the couple of nights before, he appears to be sleeping soundly.
...or so he thinks, until he hears Gyro stirring and sitting up.
“Johnny? Are you alright?” he asks, concerned.
“Huh, what? Y-yeah, I'm alright. Go back to sleep, Gyro.” Johnny answers, hoping that his friend will do just that and drop the subject.
“You were moaning in your sleep and it was loud enough to wake me up... hardly sounds like “alright” to me...”
Johnny doesn't reply and Gyro comes to his very own conclusion.
“Nyo~ho, did you perhaps have an intense sexual dream that you're too embarrassed to talk about? Ah, lucky you, I haven't had those in a while...” he muses and Johnny catches a glimpse of the gold letters on his teeth glistening in the moonlight for a second. He blushes furiously and hopes that Gyro can't see it.
“D-don't be stupid! No, it wasn't a sexual dream! Just forget about it and go back to sleep, Gyro” Johnny splutters and tries to turn away, but is stopped by Gyro's hand grabbing him by the shoulder.
“Johnny, I might seem like someone whose main forte is to crack silly jokes, but I can see when there is something that bothers you.” He looks at him with concern in his eyes. “Come on, spit it out.”
Johnny inhales deeply, his eyes fixed on the ground.
“I'm having nightmares” he says, forcing his voice to sound as nonchalantly as possible, but failing.
“About what?”
“About you. Being pulled in by the tree. And me sitting there with the corpse parts, letting it happen.”
Confusion clouds Gyro's features for a second.
“Johnny... are you beating yourself up over that?” he asks. Johnny doesn't answer him. Instead, he presses his lips into a tight line and frowns, still unable to look into Gyro's eyes. As he speaks gently to his friend, Gyro touches Johnny's other shoulder, holding him in place as if there was any danger of the latter running away from him.
“Johnny, there is nothing to blame yourself for. Everything is fine. I'm not angry at you for what happened back there, I promise.”
It is then that Johnny finally dares to look up and Gyro can see how upset he is, his eyes glistening with tears and his lower lip trembling slightly.
“But I hesitated, Gyro! I watched the tree pull you in and I did NOTHING. I was just sitting there with the arm and the two ears, unable to bear the thought of losing them, when it should have been you I couldn't bear to lose. I feel disgusted with myself. Don't tell me it's nothing. I nearly betrayed you...” he fumes.
“Okay, Johnny, listen to me for a second. I know how valuable the corpse parts are. I know that they mean the same to you as they mean to me. If I had been in your situation, I would have hesitated to give them up as well, let me tell you that.” he says.
“...really?” Johnny replies incredulously.
“Of course. We're talking about something valuable, Johnny. Something that grants people power and possibly creates miracles. I won't ever blame you for doing what you did. The truly important thing is that you did eventually give them up in exchange for my safety. You saved my life, Johnny. No one has ever done that for me before. I am virtually a stranger to you and still... I don't think you understand what that means to me.”
Gyro's gaze is intense, his eyes boring deeply into Johnny's, so much so that it's making the younger man nervous. He is suddenly acutely aware of his heartbeat, which is a lot faster than just a couple of moments before and there is this weird feeling in his stomach, like a swarm of butterflies fluttering around in perfect chaos. Gyro's hands wander from Johnny's shoulders along his neck and throat to his cheeks, cupping them ever so gently and it is in that very moment, that Johnny has probably the biggest epiphany of his life.
The expression he saw in Gyro's eyes wasn't pain, sadness or disappointment. What he saw in his eyes and misinterpreted, was love.
Johnny would be lying to himself, if he denied having developed feelings for the Italian while on their journey together, but the realization still hits him in the gut. He never would have expected Gyro to harbor feelings for him in return.
“Gyro, I...” he starts, but is cut off when Gyro leans forward and kisses him. His lips move slowly against Johnny's, almost hesitantly, perhaps because he is unsure whether the young ex-jockey feels the same about him. It is not until Johnny wraps his arms around his neck and reciprocates, that the kiss deepens.
Gyro runs his tongue probingly along Johnny's lower lip, then slides it into his mouth, the act coaxing a moan from the younger man. Johnny has French kissed dozens of girls in the past, but as he kisses Gyro, he realizes that none of those ever aroused him as much as this one. There is a dull throbbing somewhere below his waistline that brings back hazy memories of feelings long forgotten.
As they continue kissing each other feverishly, Gyro's right hand lets go of Johnny's cheek and instead slides down to lift Johnny's shirt. He touches the Johnny's stomach briefly, before moving further up to caress his chest and softly pinch one nipple between his fingers. Johnny gasps in surprise, but doesn't slap Gyro's hand away. He breaks the kiss for a moment to take his shirt off and grasps Gyro by his vest as soon as he's done to pull him into a lying position on top of him, which makes both of them laugh.
They feel like teenagers who have snuck out of their respective homes to see each other in secret, drunk with hormones and suppressed passion. Johnny feels more daring than before and his hands start to roam Gyro's body as well. When he reaches the shining buckle of Gyro's belt, he hesitates for a second, then slides his left hand into his pants and wraps it around the Italian's already semi-hard penis.
“Ah- Johnny-”
Gyro groans into Johnny's ear when he touches him, burying his face into the crook of his neck. Encouraged by what he's hearing, Johnny starts rubbing his thumb from the frenulum to the tip and back. Gyro shudders, his moans getting louder and louder.
“Shit, Johnny, if you keep on doing that, I'll come soon-” he groans, his voice strained.
Johnny pulls his hand back out and starts unbuckling Gyro's belt. His hands work quickly, throwing the belt to the side as soon as it comes off and just as swiftly opens and pulls down Gyro's pants. Just as Johnny attempts to touch him again, Gyro catches his wrist and stops him.
“It's my turn now.” he says, his hand wandering down to Johnny's pants.
Johnny is still so caught up in the moment, that he doesn't immediately realize what's happening. It is only when Gyro unzips his pants, that he reacts.
“Wait, Gyro! I can't-” he starts, but Gyro's hand is already on his penis, moving up and down along its length. It takes the Italian a couple of strokes, then he notices what is going on.
“...I can't feel anything there.” Johnny says softly and Gyro stops rather awkwardly.
“...Oh. Right. I... forgot about that.” he replies, sounding slightly ashamed of his faux pas.
Johnny smiles sympathetically up at Gyro and touches the back of his hand gently.
“It's alright, Gyro. I've accepted the fact that I'll never be able to feel anything down there anymore and I'm totally fine with just jerking you off.”
Gyro doesn't reply immediately, his face sporting a look of contemplation instead, his brows furrowed and lips pursed. There is silence between them that makes Johnny more and more nervous the longer it lasts. He is about to say something when Gyro's facial expression changes into one of relief.
“I just thought of something... I might be able to give you your sensitivity back.” he says, causing Johnny to look at him with a mix of confusion and utter disbelief. “Of course it's not going to be permanent.” Gyro quickly adds. “I think I can make it last for about half an hour to an hour, at the most.”
“And how are you going to do it?”
“Well, what do you think? With my Steel Balls of course.”
Now it's Johnny's turn to furrow his brows.
“Have you ever done this before?”
“No, obviously not, silly. But I'm pretty sure that with the right spin, I could make your nerves fire again and send signals to your brain for a while.”
Gyro looks pretty self-satisfied and confident to Johnny, but he's still apprehensive.
“Okay, I know I probably won't understand a lot, but do tell me how this is supposed to work.”
Gyro reaches over to his bag and takes two Steel Balls out.
“It's simple. I'll put one Steel Ball each on your right and left hip and then spin one of them in my direction and the other into the opposing direction. The counter spinning energy will travel as a wave through your pelvis, into the nerves in your groin and reactivate them.”
As he explains, Gyro presses the balls softly against Johnny's hips and moves them to illustrate it.
“Well, what do you think?” he asks him when he's finished. “There is no risk involved. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But I'm fairly sure I can do it.”
“Alright, let's try it. It's not like you could make it any worse than it already is.” Johnny states with a small chuckle.
Gyro's fingers close around the Steel Balls more strongly now, the look of concentration returning to his face. With a swift flick of each of his wrists, he spins them against Johnny's hips. At first, Johnny feels nothing, then there is a sudden nudging sensation that soon turns into friction, making him gasps in surprise. There isn't any pain or discomfort, just some getting used to the fact that he can actually perceive it.
Soon the friction subsides and warmth takes its place that heats up with each spin. Johnny wonders for a moment if it'll burn his skin, but then thinks to himself that Gyro would never let that happen. Just when Johnny wonders how hot the energy of the spin is going to get, the heat suddenly bundles in his groin and then abruptly drains out of him. The Steel Balls fall to the ground with a thud almost immediately afterwards.
Johnny isn't sure if it has worked, as he is convinced that there is no feeling in his groin, still. He attempts to say something, but the words get stuck in his throat when Gyro pulls his pants off of him, gently closes his fingers around his member and starts to stroke him. Johnny is surprised by the loud moan that escapes him and he throws his head back as pleasure washes over him.
“Gyro... it... it works!” Johnny whimpers, his throat constricting with the onslaught of emotions.
“I can see that.” Gyro answers with a smug grin on his face, looking entirely too self-satisfied as he continues to run his hand along the length of his penis.
Slowly, but surely, Johnny feels himself getting hard and ironically, the experience is both foreign and well-known to him.
“Look how hard you got, Johnny...” Gyro says, his voice hoarse. Johnny can clearly hear how aroused he is and as he props himself up on his elbows and looks at him, he can also very distinctly seeit.
Gyro kisses him again, open-mouthed and sloppy, while propping himself up on his hands and positioning his legs along the outside of Johnny's, as if he's trying to trap him. Johnny reaches up and threads his fingers gently through Gyro's long hair, watching the strands slide over the palm of his hand and fall down.
Gyro eventually breaks the kiss and looks at Johnny lovingly.
“I want to try something...” he whispers and Johnny watches him as he guides his penis to Johnny's, wraps his hand around both men's members and starts moving his hips, effectively rubbing them against each other.
Caught by surprise and overwhelmed by the pleasurable sensation, Johnny moans deeply. He throws his head back once again and closes his eyes, which heightens the feeling of stimulation. It also lets him hear Gyro's moans even louder and more distinct. The young ex-jockey is amazed by how fast he is getting aroused, already feeling pre-cum trickling from the tip of his penis on his stomach. For Gyro it is obviously not much different, as he is breathing faster now and pre-cum also starts to dribble down, mingling with Johnny's as he continues to slide their erections against each other.
Slowly but surely, Johnny could feel the delicious tingling sensation in his groin grow stronger. He wishes desperately that he could move his hips too to meet Gyro's thrusts, but since the Steel Balls have only given him sensibility, not full movement, back, he is dependent on the Italian's rhythm and speed. Johnny groans in frustration and Gyro takes it as a sign to move faster.
From the more and more erratic movements, his occasionally trembling legs and his ragged breath, it is clear to Johnny that the constant friction between them will soon push Gyro to the brink. If he is being honest, he knows he's not too far away from orgasm himself. It only takes a few more thrusts and Gyro comes violently with a shudder, his seed spilling over Johnny, some of it hitting his chest, some of it flowing onto Johnny's member.
Seeing Gyro climax, his eyes closed, mouth slightly open and pure bliss written across it drives Johnny over the edge as well. He comes just a couple of moments later, his back arching and Gyro's name breaking forth from his lips in a deep moan, the intensity of his orgasm heightened by the feeling of Gyro's semen on his skin.
When it is over and his legs start to shake, Gyro flops down right next to Johnny, panting heavily. Johnny doesn't know what to say or if he should say anything at all, the realization of what they have just done making his cheeks flush red. He is taken by surprise when Gyro turns over and puts his arm around his waist, pulling him closer, pressing his face to the nape of his neck.
They stay like that for a while, both enjoying the warmth of each other's bodies and comfort of each other's steady breathing. The silence spreading out between them is so heavy, that Johnny is convinced Gyro has fallen asleep.
“Johnny?”
He is wrong, again.
“Yes?”
“When all of this is over... I mean... the Steel Ball Run... I want you to come to Italy with me.”
Gyro's voice is quiet, but strong, the significance of his words clear.
“You mean...”
“Forever. I want you to live in Naples... with me.”
Johnny wonders if a person can blush even more as he listens to his words.
“Gyro. I appreciate the sentiment and considering that I don't have a place or family to return to, I would find the thought of a new place to call home with someone I know wonderful, but...”
“But?” Gyro asks apprehensively.
“What we did- ...this thing between us... it's not... legal. And we both know it.” Johnny answers.
“Not in my country.”
Johnny isn't sure if he heard him correctly, so he turns around.
“What did you just say?”
“I said, it's not illegal in my country. Not anymore. Last year, a new Penal Code was introduced that legalizes same-sex relationships. It came into effect this year.”
Johnny is, admittedly, flabbergasted and needs a moment for what Gyro has said to sink in. Eventually, Gyro leans over, whispers “See, you have no excuse not to come with me.” into his ear and laughs softly.
“But what about your family? Do you really think they'd welcome me with open arms and ignore the fact that you're bringing a guy home?” Johnny asks, his voice serious, although the thought of Gyro introducing him to his parents almost makes him snort.
“It's not like we have to live in the same place together right from the start. Don't you worry about my family, that shouldn't be the reason for you not to do it.” Gyro answers, sounding amused.
Johnny is silent again, his mind racing. The smile fades from Gyro's face and worry takes its place.
“Well, what do you say?”
“...I only have one condition.”
“What is it?”
“You have to teach me Italian, obviously.”
Johnny attempts to keep a straight face, but fails when he sees Gyro get flustered and breaks into laughter.
“You're such a jerk, Johnny! Don't do that to me.” he says, giving Johnny a playful slap on the shoulder before pulling him into an embrace. “You don't know how happy you're making me.” he whispers.
This night, when Johnny falls asleep in Gyro's arms, his nightmares finally stop. Instead, they are replaced with dreams of crossing the finish line with Gyro, of seeing him win and of celebrating together. Dreams of both of them boarding a ship with their horses that is bound for Europe. Dreams of a new place to look forward to. Dreams of a new home.