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Charlie looked up when the door opened, then shot to her feet with a startled gasp. “Alastor! You’re covered in blood!”
Alastor paused mid-step, looking down at himself. “Ah, so I am!” He said it as if he had some lint on his chest and wasn’t currently covered in still weeping wounds, his clothes ripped and hair disheveled. He sent Charlie a bright smile as he continued on towards the stairs, cane twirling in his hand. “Nothing to worry about, just a bit of fun.”
Charlie blinked, staring after him in utter bewilderment. “A bit of fun?” She hadn’t know Alastor for long, but this could not be normal, right? Had he been attacked? Did he attack someone? “What have you been doing?”
Alastor’s neck made a loud crack as his head turned straight around towards her. “Things,” he purred, his grin so wide Charlie could clearly see all the bloody bits of blue flesh stuck between his teeth.
She could only watch as Alastor snapped his head back around and skipped his way up the stairs, humming a cheery tune as he went.
- - -
Vox entered the common area in his usual excited manner after a meet-up with Alastor, by kicking the door open. “Boom, V-dog is in da house!” he yelled, dancing forward with his arms spread wide. One no longer ended with a hand, the stump still dripping blood onto the floor.
Velvette rolled her eyes upwards “For fuck’s sake.” She got up and went to the bathroom for the first aid kit.
Valentino sat up and reached his upper arms towards Vox, beckoning him closer. “Voxxy, you look like you had some fun.” He was covered in open wounds all over, clothes barely hanging on by scraps, and was grinning like a loon.
“Oh yeah, so much!” Vox nodded, stumbling towards him. His screen was bright from emotions, a blush running straight across it.
Valentino caught him before he fell and plopped him onto him lap. “You wanna tell me about where your hand went?” he asked, just as Velvette came back with the kit. She snapped her fingers and what was left of Vox’s shirt disappeared, leaving him bare chested. “And where half of your shoulder went?”
Velvette whistled, leaning in closer to inspect the clear bite mark. “Damn, that’s deep. I can see your clavicle and top ribs.”
Vox looked down as well, but with his head he wouldn’t be able to see the extend of it, so Velvette quickly snapped a few photos of the wound and showed him. Vox immediately started giggling, feet kicking. “Oh yeah, that was such a ride! The hand was when I tried punching Alastor in the face, and he chomped down on my hand, but his teeth suck, they didn’t even sever the bone!” He laughed, shoulders shaking. “So I chomped him on the shoulder to show him what real teeth do” He bared his teeth, sharp and serrated, right in Val’s face, Valentino nodding along to the story. “And then Alastor managed to bite through the wrist so there went the hand and then he chomped down on my shoulder, and cause it’s just meat it went easily, but I managed to bite down into bone, so he couldn’t shake me off even when he ripped chunks off, and then-” And on Vox continued, excitedly telling Valentino and Velvette all about his fight, gesturing with his hand and stump, feet swinging the entire time.
- - -
The next day, an envelop was delivered to the Hotel, addressed to Alastor. Inside was a single photo of Vox sitting on Valentino’s lap. His shirt was off, exposing the extent of still healing scratches and wounds Alastor had left on him during their latest little scrap. The deep wound on his shoulder was clearly visible, most of the flesh missing. The stump of his arm was also very visible in the shot, caught mid gesticulation. The silly Picture Box was no doubt bragging about how their fight had gone. Just look at that smile and how bright his eyes looked.
Alastor cooed down at the photo. So pathetic, no doubt he was embellishing the whole thing, making his own strikes seem grander than they had been. Why, he hadn’t even broken more than three of Alastor’s bones, it had been barely a scuffle.
Alastor called up his photo album from his private storage space, the one he kept tucked away in his shadows. He opened it to an empty slot and carefully placed the new photo inside, right under the one of the time when Alastor had ripped Vox’s head off. In it, Vox was posing while holding his severed head in one hand. He’d nearly dropped it moments after the photo was taken, the ridiculous thing.
Ah, memories.
- - -
Charlie dashed into the lobby when she heard the crash. The wall was broken (again) and Alastor was fighting with someone. They were stabbing their claws into Alastor’s back, one hand yanking on one of his antlers. Alastor’s body was twisted partway into his demonic form as he bit down on the other demon’s middle, ripping their guts out with his teeth. His opponent let out a sharp noise and stabbed his claws into Alastor’s back again, blood spraying everywhere.
“STOP!” Charlie yelled, waving her hands around. “Let him go!”
Alastor’s opponent craned his head back and oh, it was Vox, that head was unmistakable. Upon seeing her, he ripped his claws out of Alastor’s back and started… patting the back of his head. “Alastor, let me up, the princess is here.”
Alastor looked up at her as well, his mouth still full of Vox’s guts. Though now that they weren’t thrashing around, they looked a lot like cables. Which Vox promptly yanked out of his mouth with a sharp “Give me those.”
Alastor relinquished his hold without a fight, smacking his lips. “New material?”
Vox grinned up at him, waggling the cables in his hand at him. “You noticed!” He then started stuffing them back into his chest cavity. “We’ve upgraded the silicone coating to a newer blend.”
“It’s a good choice, it tastes much less rubbery.” Alastor stood up, dabbing at his mouth with an embroidered handkerchief.
“I’ll let the geeks know.” Vox also stood up, two cables wrapping around his torso to hold his insides… well, inside. “Help me with my shirt.”
Alastor snapped his fingers, and Vox’s shirt and jacket were whole again, as were Alastor’s own clothing.
“Thanks.” Vox nodded, then turned on his heel, now facing Charlie. “Princess, a pleasure to finally meet you!” He approached with a bright smile, grasping Charlie’s hand and giving it a firm shake. “Name’s Vox, CEO of VoxTek, though I’m sure you’ve heard of me already!”
“Such ego, Vox!” Alastor chirped, following after him.
“It’s not ego if it’s true!” Vox chirped back.
“Not how that works~!”
Vox’s eye twitched and he sent Alastor a glare over his shoulder. “Fuck you. And don’t start, I’m trying to meet the Princess here.”
Charlie blinked, that part of this situation catching up to her. “Oh, right, yes, hi! Are… are you a friend of Alastor’s?” They’d been fighting just now, but now they seemed… not at all aggressive? It was confusing.
“Ha!” Vox laughed. Loud and warbled by static. “Me and this outdated relic ’friends’? Hardly.” He shook his head. “No, no, we’re mortal enemies, have been for decades.”
“Too true, Charlie my dear,” Alastor agreed, arms folded behind his back. Alastor’s shadow handed him Vox’s hat, which he wordlessly handed to Vox. He took it with a nod and placed on his head, staying still as Alastor used a tentacle to straighten it. “Why, I detest the very air he breathes.”
“Same to you.” The grin Vox gave him was a tad too wide to be pleasant. “The mere fact you exist gives me nausea.”
“That might just be your own incompetence.” Alastor tapped the side of Vox’s head with his staff, which Vox batted away.
“I’m trying to meet the princess! Don’t start shit you’re not planning on finishing!”
Charlie looked between them slowly. “Uh huh.”
“They’re the reason I drink,” Husk called tiredly from the bar, watching everything with his head resting on one upturned hand. The other was holding onto a bottle of cheap booze, which he then proceeded to down.
Alastor rolled his eyes. “Don’t be obtuse, Husker, you drink because your life is a misery.”
“Which you two are not helping!”
Vox scoffed quietly. “Your staff is so rude,” he muttered, and Alastor inclined his head.
“Sad but what can you do?”
- - -
Charlie opened the door, blinking in surprise. “Oh, it’s you. Hello.”
Vox grinned at her. “Princess! I got the feeling our introduction didn’t go quite as well as it could have, and I wanted to make it up to you.”
“Make- make it up to me.” She honestly had no clue how to respond to that. Make what up? Her seeing him and Alastor literally ripping into each other in the main lobby after crashing in through the sidewall? The wall was already fixed, Alastor had taken care of that shortly after Vox had left.
Vox nodded. “That’s right. I’ve brought you a gift!” He folded his hands together, softening his expression and tone into something both pleading and hopeful. “I hope you’ll accept it and we can move on from any misunderstandings and biases that Alastor has no doubt planted in your head.” He kept his gaze on Charlie, completely ignoring Vaggie as she walked over to join them at the door.
“…oh.” Charlie blinked, then gave a startled smile. “Oh!” Oh, that was so sweet of him! “That’s okay, you didn’t need to get me anything. I really appreciate that you did, though, but-”
“I insist.” Vox cut her off, and reached to the side, the door frame blocking Charlie and Vaggie’s view of whatever he was grabbing. Their eyes widened as he pulled Sir Pentious over, pushing him forward. “Here you go!”
Charlie stared. “That’s a person,” she said, pointing one finger at Sir Pentious. She knew it was rude, but she was honestly too baffled to care at the moment.
“It’s a new patron for your Hotel,” Vox grinned, then turned to Sir Pentious, his tone lowering to a staticky buzz. “Go on, tell her.”
Sir Pentious stiffened and nodded hurriedly. “Y- yess! I am interessted in your… proooogram?” Vox, still grinning, gave a small clipped nod. “Yess, program. Which I have heard sso much about. And in which I’m interessted. So… hello.” He held out his hand, his fingers trembling ever so slightly.
Charlie didn’t take it. “… Vox, did you kidnap him?” Vaggie crossed her arms, her eye narrowed into a scowl.
Vox chuckled heartily. “Of course not, he’s here of his own free will, aren’t you?”
Sir Pentious nodded, both arms held stiffly at his sides. “Yup, completely no coercion here, aha hahaha!”
Vox patted him on the back. “See, princess, he’s so interested! You enjoy him!” As he said that, his last pat turned into a push, making Sir Pentious stumble forward past the door and straight into Charlie’s arms.
“Hey!” Vaggie barked, yanking him away from Charlie, but not back out the door.
Vox just folded his arms behind his back, rocking on the soles of his feet slightly. “Is Alastor ready?” he asked, head cocked to the side.
“Ready for what?” Charlie asked, startled at the sudden topic change, but was then interrupted when a blur of black and red rushed past her. Just before it could slam into Vox, he moved to the side, sidestepping the blur entirely.
“Ha!” Vox called after it, sticking him tongue out. “Missed me, you red bitch!” A shadow tentacle snapped around him, squeezing so tightly he let out a small squawk as it yanked him out of the doorway. A moment later, it slammed him against the wall of the Hotel, right by the still open doorway.
Charlie and Sir Pentious, both standing in said doorway, yelped, jumping away from the crumbling wall.
Vaggie cursed, grabbing her spear and jumping forward to shield Charlie. “Watch it!” she barked, but the battling demons ignored her entirely.
“I’m so sorry about them!” Charlie looked Sir Pentious over, making sure he wasn’t hurt.
He waved her away, though, calmly putting his hat back on. “It’s fine, I’m used to it.”
Charlie blinked at him as a loud elk screech sounded behind them. “You… you are?” She shared a startled look with Vaggie.
“Oh, yess.” Sir Pentious nodded, leaning his head carefully out the door frame to watch. Vox had managed to grab ahold of one of Alastor’s tentacles and had electrified it, arcs of electricity dancing all along its length from his hands to Alastor’s writhing body. Vox was using the tentacle like a rope, swinging Alastor around over his head before slamming him down into the ground. “They do stuff like that all the time.” Vox released the tentacle, ending the flow of the current, and was immediately stabbed through the shoulder by a pair of antlers as Alastor tackled him.
Charlie winced at the screech of electronic feedback that blared through the air like a scream, Vaggie cursing under her breath in Spanish. “And… you see no problem with this?”
Sir Pentious shrugged. “Better them than me. So, what’s the first step in this redemption business?”
“Moving away from the door before you get squished,” Angel Dust commented from behind them, using his phone to record as Alastor slammed Vox around like a ragdoll by the arm before getting a kick to the face, Vox’s sharp heel very clearly stabbing him right through the eye.
Charlie gasped and made to go towards them, but Angel Dust grabbed her with one of his lower arms, stopping her.
“Sounds easy enough.” Sir Pentious nodded as Vaggie closed the door, locking it with an annoyed frown. He turned to Charlie with a polite smile. “Oh by the way, how good are you with eggs?” Behind the closed door, there came the unmistakable sound of ripping flesh.
Charlie rubbed at her temples, staring downwards with wide eyes.
- - -
Carmilla bit back a weary curse when the lights in the conference room started flickering. She glanced out the window and sure enough shadows were whipping to and fro like mad, some of them already wreathed in electricity.
For fuck’s sake. Setting up separate times for their arrivals only worked if these two morons stuck to them. She did not need her street leveled again.
She pinched the bridge of her nose when a lightning bolt raced by her window. Why had she decided to be the one to run these overlord meetings? Those two idiots alone were like herding cats.
“Carmilla, would thou like some assistance?” Zestial offered, placing a hand on her shoulder.
She relaxed, turning to him with a smile. “I’d appreciate it, thank you.”
Zestial smiled back and shifted away, teleporting down onto the street. Almost immediately, there was a loud thud and the massive crack of discharging energy. A few moment after, Zestial returned, holding the two miscreants aloft by the back of their shirts.
Vox hung limply with a put upon pout, looking far too much like a scruffed kitten for a man with a TV for a head. Alastor on the other hand was doing his best to pretend he was perfectly comfortable, legs bent as if he was sitting on a chair, one leg hooked over the other. His hands were even folded in his lap. Both of their clothes were rumpled and ripped, scratches and wounds, some still seeping blood, visible on both of them. Alastor sported a few visible burn and scorch marks, but made no indication that they were bothering him. There was a shadow imp still attached to Vox’s leg, chewing on his calf. He also was showing no outwards signs that it was bothering him. Not for the first time, Carmilla wondered if they even could feel pain like normal people.
Carmilla was not impressed in the least. She scowled at them both, hands on her hips. “So. Which one of you can’t read time correctly?”
“A gentleman would never disrespect a lady that way,” Alastor said primly, a hand against his chest.
Vox gave him a baleful glare. “And I have a clock literally wired into my brain.”
“Hardly an excuse.”
“Fuck you, it’s not an excuse, I was on time.” Vox flicked a finger and two windows popped up. “There’s my email and there’s my time-stamped arrival, beat that.”
“I’ll beat you. Into the ground.”
“Promises, promises.”
Zestial made a noise of displeasure. “Enough, now. Alastor?”
Alastor took out a letter from his pocket and unfolded it, handing it to Carmilla. “And while I do not have a time-stamped photo-still currently on me, I did see Vox at the door, so I assume my arrival time to be near identical.”
Vox slid his finger against the image of his arrival, and it moved forward as if it was a film. It showed him walking up to the door, stopping just at the entrance, turning around and Alastor jumping him. “Yup, just about identical.”
Carmilla checked the letter, then squinted at the email. Vox helpfully zoomed in on the time specified in it.
Carmilla pressed a hand against her forehead as exasperation filled her. “It’s the same time.” Goddammit, how had this happened? There was supposed to be at least fifteen minutes apart!
“That’s hardly our fault then,” Alastor quipped with a raised eyebrow.
Vox crossed his arms. “Yeah, we can’t be responsible for your poor planning.”
“Cease speaking,” Zestial commanded, disapproval clear in his voice.
Both of them obeyed, still hanging from his grip. Vox lifted the leg the imp was still chewing on and ripped the creature off, holding it out wordlessly to Alastor. Alastor shook his head, making a ‘go on’ gesture at him, so Vox stuffed the squirming imp into his mouth, chewing with a loud crunch.
Carmilla’s hand slid from her forehead down to cover her eyes.
- - -
Velvette climbed out of the limo without looking up from her phone, walking straight towards the sounds of extreme violence, as always accompanied by the ear-popping sounds of static and assholery. As she walked, she typed out a string of hashtags - #WorkResponsibilities#GrindingtheGrind#NoPainNoGain#AllWorkAndNoPlayMakeVoxAShortTemperedBitch#WranglingOldManYaoiCats. Each one manifested in the air behind her, trailing after her longer and longer with each word typed. Once it was long enough, she put her phone in her pocket and grabbed the line of hashtags, gathering it up in her hands. She eyed the two idiots duking it out, smashing themselves and each other into buildings and the streets, having the time of their lives. Afterlives, whatever. Then, spotting an opening, she sent her hashtag lasso into the fray. She snagged Vox on her first try, of course, and she yanked him over to herself, arms secured to his sides.
He landed on his ass in front of her, and smiled, one antenna swaying in a little wave. “Oh, hey, Vel.”
“Need your help with something,” she said, her attention already back on her phone.
“Can’t it wait?” Alastor demanded, landing next to Vox and shrinking down into his typical size. “We are a tad in the middle of things.”
Velvette didn’t bothering looking up at him. “Fuck off, I called dibs.”
She didn’t need to see him to know he was doing that thing with his face. “If anything, I would be the one with the ‘dibs’, I was engaged with him first.”
She gave him a proper glare, jabbing a finger against his chest. “You’re not engaging him at all without me approving the ring first.”
“What?” they said in unison, staring at her with twin expressions of confusion. These two idiots.
She rolled her eyes, one hip cocked to the side as she crossed her arms. “Besides, you telling me Mr Gentleman,” She made sure to put the proper amount of mocker into that moniker. “won’t help a lady out?”
Alastor gave her a snooty look. “You hardly count as a lady, my dear.” He blinked, and she was dressed like a woman from the 30s, stylish hat included.
“What about now?” she asked, sweet as apple pie.
Alastor scowled, and Velvette grinned at him, nothing sweet in that smile. “Vox, we shall continued this tomorrow.”
Vox shook his head regretfully, standing up. “Can’t, I have meetings all day with department heads. Thursday?”
Alastor’s brows lowered in disappointment. “I have a tea date with Rosie.”
“Friday is movie night, I don’t want you there with your screen busted again,” Velvette said, her attention on her phone again.
Alastor’s mouth curled downwards in displeasure at her, then looked back to Vox. “Saturday?”
Vox nodded. “I’m fine with Saturday.”
“Excellent!” Alastor smiled brightly, twirling his cane around. Velvette turned on her sensible heels and stalked back to her limo, dragging Vox behind her by her hashtag rope. “I’ll hunt you down then!”
Vox followed obediently after her, though his head turned around so he could still see Alastor. “Kay, see you then!” Vox freed a few of his fingers from his bindings so he could waggle them in a farewell. Alastor reciprocated the gesture, then disappeared into the shadows.
- - -
Another day, another bloodbath courtesy of Alastor and Vox spotting each other and deciding violence was the only answer. Charlie sighed deeply, watching as Alastor and Vox rolled down the stairs, Alastor wrapped around Vox like an eel. He was biting at Vox’s neck, his teeth digging into his jugular, while Vox was doing his best to get him off of himself, using both electricity and claws.
“We could try spraying them with water,” Angel Dust offered, watching from his stool at the bar.
Vaggie snorted. “That would fry Vox. Charlie doesn’t want him killed. Just that they stop.”
“Why? At least this way they’re not focused on anybody else.” Husk shrugged.
Charlie winced as Vox tossed himself onto the ground, landing right atop Alastor. “You can’t tell me you think this is healthy for them.” The move had failed to remove Alastor, he just bit down harder, Vox’s blue blood now covering both of them.
“I just don’t care, Charlie,” Husk replied, taking a deep chug from his bottle.
Charlie gave him a disappointed look, then gathered herself, steeling herself to intervene and stop them from ripping each other apart. Again. And she should hurry, Alastor’s shadows were gathering up around him.
But before she could step in, the front door slammed open and a tall demon stalked inside. Angel Dust squeaked and dove behind the bar at the sight of him, but the demon didn’t seem to have noticed.
“Voxxy!” he called, heading straight towards where Vox and Alastor where fighting. “It’s time to go now, your little secretario is going to cry if you’re late!”
Vox stood up, Alastor still clinging onto him, upside down now as his teeth were sunken into Vox’s thigh. “Fuck you, Val, I’m never late to meetings! I still have like fifteen minutes!”
Charlie held her breath, hope filling her. Oh, this was one of Vox’s business partners! Maybe he could help her curb some of this senseless violence.
Valentino crossed his upper arms. “Fish boi wants to go over something with you before that. He begged me so sweetly to pick you up, he knows not to disturb you when you’re with the ciervo.” Alastor growled, still biting down on Vox’s leg.
Vox put his hands on his hips. “Eel boi if anything, and he could’ve just sent an email.”
Alastor freed his teeth and looked up at Vox with a displeased expression. “Vox, you really should train your staff better,” he said, extricating himself from him and standing back upright.
Vox grasped his elbow, helping him. “He is well-trained, he wouldn’t be my assistant otherwise. It’s serious if he went to Val.”
Valentino gasped, one hand flying to his mouth as he stared from one to the other with wide eyes. “¡Dios mío! Look at you!” He gestured from Vox’s cracked screen to Alastor’s black eye, both on their left sides. He grinned. “You two match!”
Vox and Alastor looked at each other, staring for a moment. “So we do.”
Valentino clasped his hands together. “Oh, you two are adorable! I need to capture this.” He took out his phone, holding it up. “Come on, smile! Ciervo, turn that shit off, it’s ruining the photo.”
Alastor focused on turning his innate interference off as he and Vox stood in a mirror of each other, arms folded behind their backs and grinning at the camera.
Valentino took the photo, grinning at the screen. “Perfect! Sending this to Vel. She’ll print you a copy as always, ciervo, don’t even ask.” His eyes squinted myopically as he started typing. “Okay, Voxxy, I suppose we can give you five more minutes.”
“Thanks, Val!” Vox chirped and was immediately punched in the face.
Valentino cooed down at his phone, not even flinching when a chair flew right by him.
Charlie and Vaggie shared horrified looks. Maybe they should start putting down some rules of conduct for when Vox visited.
- - -
Vaggie jumped when she spotted Alastor and Vox rolling across the floor, thrashing together again. She rushed over, yelling. “Hey, break it up you two! UP, I said!”
Alastor sat back on Vox’s middle, aiming a put upon glare Vaggie’s way. “What is it this time?”
Vox sent her a glare as well. “Yeah, we weren’t using any powers! Get off our dicks!” It said a lot about Alastor’s level of annoyance with her that he didn’t chastise Vox for his vulgarity. He typically didn’t allow it near any of the women.
That alone almost gave Vaggie pause, but something else needed her immediate attention. She pointed at Vox’s middle, an incredulous scowl on her face. “You literally have a knife sticking from your belly!”
“And your point is?” Vox asked mockingly, Alastor raising a single condescending eyebrow in agreement.
Vaggie took a deep breath to gather any shred of patience for these morons she could find. “We forbade you two using your powers to wreck each other inside the hotel so you what? Grabbed knives?”
“KniFE. We only have the one, dear, do learn to count.” Alastor waggled a finger at her, and Vaggie clenched her fists, a string of Spanish curses escaping her gritted teeth.
Vox eyed her, then tsked. “You know, Al, I’m starting to think I’m not welcome here.”
“Nonsense!” Alastor waved a hand, dismissing the very idea. “You’re my mortal enemy, my doors will always be open to you.”
“Aww, Al.” Vox gave him a soft smile, fluttering his eyelashes at him. Then in one quick move, he yanked the knife from himself and stabbed it into Alastor’s chest, his grin now as sharp as the blade. “Same to you, old pal.”
Alastor grunted as the knife sunk in, then gave a low chuckle, leaning down over Vox and licking his lips slowly.
Vaggie threw her arms in the air. “For fuck’s sake, you’re dripping blood all over the floor!” And indeed they were. Both from the wound on Vox’s belly and the new wound on Alastor’s chest, but now also from the drool dripping from Alastor’s mouth.
Alastor stopped again, and both he and Vox let out twin loud sighs. “Why don’t we just continue this in my quarters? Away from rude people.” He glared pointedly at Vaggie.
“I’m the rude one?!”
Alastor got off Vox and crouched by him, slipping his arms under his shoulders and knees. “Vox, if you could?”
Vox pulled the knife from Al’s chest and stabbed it back into his own side, crossing his arms at the affront of having to do so himself. All the while he wore an expression of displeasure mixed with disappointment he aimed towards Vaggie.
Vaggie glared back, her frustration only mounting.
Alastor stood up, Vox cradled in his arms. “Niffty, dear! We’ve spilled some!”
Niffty came scurrying from down the hall, her mouth already in an excited grin. “Ooooh, blood! It’ll take scrubbing, ehehehehe!” and she scurried away to get her supplies, the sound of her cackling trailing after her.
“Happy now?” Alastor asked, his tone full of derision, before his shadows swallowed both him and Vox. And the fucking knife.
Vaggie threw her hands in the air again, cursing loudly and expressively in both languages.
- - -
“See yah, bitches, I’m out!” Cherri called as she walked out of the club, throwing a double middle finger salute to the staff that had let her spend the night. It had been a wild night, and now that it was morning, it was time to hunt down an open diner for some grub!
Just before she could step outside, the massive form of the Radio Demon in his demonic form ran in front of her, the impacts of his massive steps like mini-earthquakes. Following right behind him was the VoxTek shark beast thing, maw snapping open and shut as it clearly tried its best to bite the massive kaiju asshole. And chasing right after them was Vox, also in his demon form, cackling the type of laugh you’d hear from a dude crashing out while shooting a weapon of mass destruction or something equally doomsday-disctricty.
Cherri turned on her heel and walked back into the club. “Change of plans, the media demons are walking their weird shark dog outside. Need any help cleaning up?”
- - -
Vaggie stared. “I mean… they’re not inside the Hotel. They’re technically not breaking the new rule.”
Charlie stared at the ruin the two were making of the Hotel’s driveway. The closest approximation she could make was that Alastor was currently digging a hole in the ground and using Vox as a shovel to do it. Well, was. His shovel had just electrocuted him, kicked him in the belly, then smashed a rock into his face. The rock was new, but she could assume he’d grabbed it when Alastor was literally digging him into the ground.
Next to them, Valentino made a small amused noise, not helping the situation at all. Charlie gave him a disgruntled look. Wasn’t Vox his friend? Alastor was her friend, and she cared that Vox hurt him so regularly. Didn’t he care that Alastor hurt Vox so often as well? Not even a little bit?
Apparently not, because as Vox was slammed face first into the ground in a ray of gravel, sparks and blood, Valentino just snapped a picture with his phone.
Vox picked himself up, face twisted in a snarl and extra eyes popping one over the other on his screen when he froze, his lips pursing and eyes returning to his typical two. He lifted one hand, palm open towards a charging Alastor. “Al, wait! You loosened a tooth!”
Alastor immediately ground to a halt, staring hungrily at Vox. “Oh?” He sounded breathless from excitement, and Charlie’s brows knitted together in confusion and, quite frankly, dread. What would it be this time?
Vox sat up, shifting his mouth side to side on his screen, expression thoughtful. Then he grinned, teeth stained blue from his own blood. “Yeah, it’s barely hanging on! That counts!”
“Oh, wonderful!” Alastor clapped his hands, static buzzing in delight. His shadow popped up next to him holding an ornate wooden case while Vox stuck one hand into his mouth and yanked something out. He handed it to Alastor as he knelt down next to Vox, laying the case down and opening it.
Charlie watched, horrified and bewildered. Which was pretty typical when Alastor and Vox interacted near her.
“You want to see it?” Valentino asked, leaning in closer with a sharp grin. “They’re always so happy to show off their collections,” he purred.
“Their what?” Charlie and Vaggie said in unison. Never had a word sounded more ominous.
Valentino stepped between them and put one hand on each of their backs, pushing them closer towards the two. Charlie went along stiffly, Vaggie muttering unflattering things under her breath as was quickly becoming her norm around these two. Well, three, Valentino hardly helped make anything better.
When they reached them, Alastor and Vox were leaning over the box, heads together as they discussed its contents quietly. “So, what’s the verdict?” Valentino asked, sidestepping Vaggie’s elbow jab and moving to Vox’s side.
Alastor and Vox looked up and both were wearing twin looks of disappointment. “It’s a double,” Vox said sadly.
Valentino paused, then gave Alastor a consoling look. “Well, maybe next time, ciervo.”
Vox nudged Alastor with an elbow. “At least you got a back molar, one of the big ones. Those are pretty hard to knock out.”
Alastor sighed. “I suppose you’re right.” He summoned a smaller box and when he opened it, there was a bunch of blue shark teeth inside. He wiped the new one with a cloth and placed it inside, nestling it gently against the others.
Charlie swallowed thickly “Is, ummm… is that your collection?”
Alastor blinked at her, then chuckled. “Oh, no, my dear! It’s just a container for the doubles I manage to acquire!” He lifted the bigger case and turned it around so she could see. Inside there were many more teeth, laid out on a silk cushion to form a shark’s smile. “This is the main one. It isn’t complete, as you can see.” And indeed, there were a few teeth missing from completing the smile. Close to ten, considering the spots conveniently marking the placement of the missing ones.
“Because of my screen it’s not easy to knock one out.” Vox gave Charlie an apologetic look, as if it was his fault for Alastor not having a full collection. What? But then he brightened. “Wanna see mine?” Electricity sparked between his hands and then he was holding a metal box. He popped it open, holding it towards Charlie with a proud grin. Inside was a fully completed grin made out of sharp yellowed teeth. It was also laid out on a silk cushion. “Awesome, right? I got the last took last year, this one.” He pointed at one of the upper middle incisors. “Alastor was trying to bite off my leg, and when I kicked him in the throat to get him off, this one was left in my bone!” His grin and screen both brightened. At his side, Alastor looked at his collection in… in envy. But also possibly pride?
“C- Congratulations?” She offered, holding up a hesitant thumbs up.
That was thankfully the right response, as Vox’s grin somehow grew even wider. “Thanks!” He snapped the lid closed and hugged it to his chest. “Kinda sad I’ve got the whole set, though. Al’s still completing his, so he’s still having fun.”
Alastor closed his case as well, holding it carefully in his arms. “Well, Podcast, nobody’s stopping you from starting another set.”
“You won’t mind me having two?”
“I’m well aware of your greed, sweetheart, worry not, I won’t mind. Besides, I have that collection of gloves I make of your hide each time I skin you. That’s two collections for me, as well.”
Vox turned to Valentino with a massive grin, literally bouncing in excitement. “Val, did you hear?!”
“I did, Voxxy.” Valentino leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You’ll need to commission a new case.”
Vox let out a bleat of static, doing a happy little wiggle.
Charlie pressed a hand against her forehead, taking deep slow breaths. This… this really could not continue. They needed to rethink the rules.
- - -
The one time she’d asked Alastor and Vox to stop fighting altogether, they had both laughed, patting her on the back as if she had made a truly brilliant joke. She knows that’s what they thought, because they’d told her. Repeatedly. While laughing. Alastor so hard he choked and ended up in a coughing fit, hacking up a literal piece of half-chewed meat right there onto the carpet. At least it hadn’t been blue.
Vox on the other hand had laughed himself into a blue-screen that had blacked out the Hotel.
So… that was a no from them.
- - -
“We could try telling them not to meet at the Hotel at all? Building and grounds.” Vaggie offered, watching as Vox and Alastor were trying to strangle each other. At the same time. Her bet was on Vox, he was using both his hands and his cables.
Charlie’s expression was dark as she watched them. “No. I think something more drastic is needed.” She stood up from the little patio chair Sir Pentious had set up for them as one of his good deeds, then walked towards where Vox was now trying to drown Alastor in a puddle. “Alastor, may I have a word?”
Vox glanced at her, then lifted Alastor’s head from the mud. “Can’t this wait, my dear?” Alastor asked, his mouth the only thing visible from the layer of gunk on his face.
“It cannot.” Charlie folded her hands over her front and waited.
“Certainly, then.” Alastor nodded, and Vox obligingly stood off him, helping Alastor up as well. As always they worked together to put each other to rights, Vox helping Alastor wipe his face of the mud while Alastor cleaned both of their clothes. Their bodies were still covered in the bruises and wounds they’d already left on each other, and the contradiction in their actions would never not baffle her.
Alastor finally turned to her, a polite if impatient smile on his face. “What can I help you with this time, Charlie?”
At his side, Vox crossed his arms with a petulant pout. “You gonna try setting yet another rule? What will it be this time, no fighting within the gates at all?”
“That would do nothing. You two leveled that high-rise on Krueger Street just last week.”
Vox rolled his eyes. “Which I bought out and had rebuilt, I really don’t the issue.” Alastor gestured at Vox in a show of agreement.
Charlie took a deep breath, then looked straight into Alastor’s eyes. “Alastor. If you wish to remain at the Hotel, Vox can no longer visit you.”
They both froze, staring at her with startled expressions.
“Is this another one of your jokes?” Alastor asked, voice low. His cane grew out of his shadows, and he grasped it with both hands.
Charlie shook her head. “It is not. I’m entirely serious.”
“Well then, don’t be,” Vox snarled, a charge climbing up between his antennae.
She gave him an apologetic look, but her expression remained firm. This would be for his benefit, as well. “I’m sorry, Alastor, but I must put my foot down. I simply cannot allow you to continue as you have been. I officially forbid you from seeing Vox. And keeping in contact with him in general.”
“Excuse you.” Alastor’s voice was so distorted by static she could barely understand the words, but she had to hold firm. This simply could not continue.
“I’m sorry, but the violence is just too much. I cannot allow you to continue in a relationship where you are so regularly hurt. So… as long as you live in the Hotel, you two cannot be in contact.”
“Yeah, sure, and how are you going to enforce it?” Vox snorted, his face twitching across his screen despite his bravado. “Al, tell her where she can stick it.”
Alastor stares at her, so tense he was shaking slightly. His magic swirled around him, green symbols blinking in and out of existence like angry fireflies. But he made no move to attack her. Nor did he say anything.
Vox turned to him, staring with wide trembling eyes. “Alastor? Tell her she’s full of shit. Please?”
The magic swelling up around Alastor dropped, and his shoulders slumped. “I- I can’t.”
“Why?!”
“It’s not that simple for me, Picture Box,” he murmured, tone pleading and pained.
“Why the fuck not?!” Vox’s tone was full of anger, and he grabbed the front of Alastor’s coat, giving him a shake.
“I- I cannot explain at this time.” Alastor swallowed thickly, placing one hand around Vox’s fist. “But I cannot leave the Hotel.”
Vox blinked rapidly. Between each blink his face went from shocked to devastated to enraged to streaked with tears. And then, in a flash of electricity, he was gone.
Alastor remained, still staring at the spot Vox had just been standing in, eyes wide and brows knitted tightly together.
Charlie cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, Alastor, but with time you’ll see I was right to set this boundary. Your relationship with Vox is simply too toxic to-”
Alastor turned to her with a growl, his form growing menacingly. “The only toxic one here is you!” he snarled and she flinched back. “You with your constant positivity you insist on shoving down everybody’s throats! If I wasn’t tied to this fucking place, I would rip the walls from the very foundations for you even daring to demand such a thing from me!” His voice cracked, and he disappeared into the shadows
Charlie stared, her heart beating madly in her chest. She jumped when Vaggie placed a hand on her shoulder. “You did good, Charlie. Made your position clear, him staying now is his own choice.”
“Yeah, um… but what did he mean about being tied to the Hotel, though?”
“He’s probably exaggerating.” Vaggie shrugged dismissively. “Maybe he means the free rent?”
“Oh. Oh, Vaggie, that doesn’t help me feel better. It’s not really his choice to stay then, is it?”
Vaggie did not look at all sympathetic. “He’s a grown demon. And Vox is rich as fuck, all Alastor needs to do is ask, and he’d buy him a whole street to lord over.”
“True.”
“He has options,” Vaggie soothed, taking Charlie’s hands in hers. “And now he knows that the option of staying here comes with this hard boundary.”
“I guess. He looked so upset though.”
Vaggie snorted. “Probably the first time he ever got told ‘no’. Besides, you’re planning those workshops on what healthy relationships look like, those should help him see that he and Vox really aren’t good for each other.”
Charlie sighed. “They really aren’t.” She took a deep breath, allowing herself a moment to center herself. It had been a difficult conversation, but one that had to be had. Alastor would understand, eventually.
- - -
An hour later, Valentino and Velvette arrived at the Hotel, slamming the door open and marching inside.
“Princess, we are here to discuss custody,” Valentino called out to her, his upper arms crossed over his chest and his lower hands placed on his hips.
Charlie stared at him in confusion. “Discuss what now?”
“You broke up VoxAl, that won’t do,” Velvette added, glaring at her.
Charlie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Okay, she could do this. These two were also a part of the issue with how much they enabled the violence, so Charlie would need to make her stance clear to them as well. “It’s for their own good. I’m sorry, but they’re just too violent to be allowed to-”
“Yeah, I’m gonna stop you right there, chiquita,” Valentino snorted, holding up one hand. “Yes, they are ridiculous and childish and need to be wrangled regularly like a bunch of high strung brats on too much sugar each time any of them get ahold of a knife and sees the other, but that doesn’t change the fact both of them are grown ass men,” he hissed, and Charlie winced at the vitriol in his tone. “They both liked killing when they were alive, they both like killing still, and it is by the grace of the God fucking Allmighty that they decided they like killing each other the most.” He glared down at her. “Do you seriously want them to go on a rampage through Hell? You see them bloody each other on the regular for fun, imagine what they’ll do when they start hunting other people.” He pointed towards where Husk and Sir Pentious were sitting, Angel Dust once more hiding behind the bar. “You can ask the old timers about the massacres the Radio Demon got up to over his first two decades, they’re still whispering about that shit.” Sir Pentious nodded slowly, eyes wide and gaze far away. Valentino leaned down, his tone full of scorn. “Do you know what happened that he stopped?”
Charlie shook her head.
“Vox fell. And like two fucked up soulmates, since the moment they met, they’ve been circling each other like sanity circling down the drain. The senseless radio massacres stopped because Alastor found himself a fun lil’ outlet. And Vox never really got started on his own massacres.”
“Ish,” Velvette added helpfully.
Valentino stood back up. “Because he had Alastor to focus his attention on. Those two together are a very delicate balance that the rest of Hell knows to steer fucking well clear off, yet somehow you failed to know this. Are you seriously going to tank everybody because you’re on a power trip?”
Charlie swallowed and took a deep breath. “That’s… all well and good, but all I’ve heard is that Alastor and Vox have been trapped in a toxic relationship for decades, and no one has even once attempted to help them break free of it. But with proper support and healthy outlets, I’m sure both of them will come out of this for the better!”
Valentino and Velvette gave her twin unimpressed looks. Valentino let out a quiet “Tch,” sucking on his upper teeth, then gave a sharp nod. “I see. You leave me with no choice then.” He lifted one hand and a pink chain manifested in it, forming out of smoke from his hand and all the way to the bar. Valentino yanked on it, and pulled Angel Dust out from behind it.
Angel Dust yelped, but had no choice. He was dragged by his chain across the floor and straight into Valentino’s waiting hand, which immediately closed around his neck.
“Hey!” Charlie snarled, her horns appearing and hair flaring behind her. But Valentino tutted at her, a smarmy grin on his face.
“I’m dealing with my employee, hush.” He turned to Angel Dust, his voice a low purr. “Angel Cakes. Remember that season we filmed in the summer of ‘89?” Angel Dust paled. “And then the one from the winter of ‘93?” Angel Dust started shaking, all four hands grasping onto the hand Valentino had around his neck. “And let’s not forget spring of ‘02.”
Angel Dust gagged, tears in his eyes. “Oh God.”
Valentino grinned, eyes narrowing with malicious glee. “Mm-hm. You are now going to have a period that will trump all three of those. And it won’t last a single season this time. I’m feeling inspired.” He let Angel Dust go, and he dropped down to the floor, vomiting and curling up at his feet. Valentino stood to his full height, then looked down at Charlie. “Unless you’re willing to make a deal.”
Charlie blinked, her horns receding. “What?”
“You stop interfering with Voxxy and the ciervo’s relationship.” Valentino’s grin deepened, nothing but malice and cruelty in it. “No more ordering them around, no more snide comments, no more ‘helpful’ advice, no nothing. You leave those two homicidal lovebirds alone, forever. You and your judgmental girlfriend and anybody else you hire. And in exchange, I won’t put Angel through the ringer.”
Charlie stared at him, her breathing fast.
Velvette snorted, giving her a disdainful look. “The fact you actually need to think about it is pathetic.” She lowered her phone, letting Angel Dust see the screen. “Wanna check out the first script? Val finished it in the limo on our way here.”
Angel Dust’s eyes moved rapidly as he read, then his expression crumpled as he gagged again, hands clutching at his face, arms wrapped around his middle. He was curled up as if he was trying to shield himself, eyes wide open in terror. The pink collar was still visible around his neck, misty and opaque like smoke.
Charlie’s face hardened. “I want his entire contract.” Valentino’s face lost the smile. Charlie continued. “You heard me. If I agree to allow Alastor to remain in contact with Vox, I want you to free Angel’s soul completely. Free him entirely.”
Angel Dust stared at her, eyes so wide even his smaller ones were opened. Velvette raised an impressed eyebrow, looking up from her phone and crossed her arms.
Valentino was silent for a long moment, his expression unreadable from behind his glasses. When he smiled again, it was vicious and twisted, full of contempt. “Cheeky. But fine. You got a deal. Him for them.”
Charlie stuck out her hand, even as chills ran down her spine.
Velvette snapped her fingers, and a golden contract appeared in front of her. “Oh, we prefer such things in writing, princess.”
Charlie clenched her jaw, but grabbed the contract. She read through it, and the terms were actually what they’d discussed. Her (as well as that of any members of her family and staff) complete lack of interference in Vox and Alastor’s relationship, whatever it may be, in exchange for the breaking of Angel Dust’s contract. There didn’t seem to be any hidden clauses, so, despite the pit in her stomach, she signed. The moment she did, a pink band wrapped around her wrist, lifting it up and towards Valentino. He was already waiting, his own hand extended towards her. Charlie paused, eyeing it, but she really had no choice. She’d already signed.
She clasped his hand, and his energy wrapped around her like noxious smoke, her own energy thankfully burning the worst of it away. The chain around Angel Dust’s neck shattered into pieces, falling around him and disintegrating like melting snow. He clutched at his neck, curling up and crying in relief.
Charlie stood back, coughing to get the smoke out of her throat, and Valentino grabbed the contract from her.
“VOX!” Velvette bellowed and Vox materialized behind them. He wasn’t wearing his jacket nor his bowtie, and his eyes were rimmed with red instead of the typical blues.
The moment he appeared in the lobby, Alastor popped up from the shadows and leapt into his arms. They wrapped their arms tightly around each other, clinging. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” they chanted in unison as Vox turned on his heel and sprinted out the door and into the Vee limo, still carrying Alastor.
Velvette sauntered after them, focus back on her phone.
Valentino turned to leave as well, not even sparing any of them a glance. “We’ll return Alastor in a week or two, once they have enough of each other. Pleasure doing business with you, princess,” he called over his shoulder.
Charlie and Husk hurried over to Angel Dust even before he’d stepped completely out of the door.
Valentino climbed into the limo, folding his long legs in the small space with practiced grace. Vox and Alastor were still clinging to each other, curled up in a blue and red ball on the seat furthest from the door, static buzzing so thickly around them Valentino could already feel his fluff frizzing up. And while he was annoyed at losing a gold mine like Angel Dust, seeing his Voxxy be happy again took precedent.