Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Nov 6th 1987: 1:14pm

“Mom?” Will found his mother leaning against a doorway, watching the Party pack up the van to continue their ever-long battle against all that is dark. Joyce looked up at her son and gave him a small, questioning smile. Will reached out, grabbing her hand and leading her inside to privacy.

“Um... earlier today when you asked me what happened in Vecna’s mind, I didn’t— I didn’t tell you everything.” Will readjusted in his seat, uncomfortable in his body; in himself. “When Vecna attacks, he weakens you by turning your own mind against you, by bringing out everything inside you that hurts.” Will couldn’t stop the memories that burned in his head— memories of unrequited love, of how carnally different he was.

“So I fought back by focusing on happy memories, memories from when I was a kid, when I wasn’t scared, and when I felt most happy.” Again, memories burned: his childhood at Castle Byers, his budding friendship with Mike, his mother’s loving arms. “That’s how I took control in the MAC-Z and how I killed those Demogorgons. And I thought the same would work on Vecna too…” Will paused and took a breath. “But he… he found a way past. And he showed me things, Mom. He showed me the most awful things.” Will began to shake, and his mom took his hands into hers, looking deep into his eyes.

“No, listen. Whatever he showed you, it’s not real. He plays tricks. He lies, Will.” She said firmly.

Will shook his head. “No, he doesn’t. What he showed me... it didn’t come from him.” He knitted his eyebrows together. “It came from me. He sees everything, Mom. He sees my thoughts. He sees my memories. And he sees my… my secrets.” Will could feel the blush on his face. He couldn’t believe how hard this was. He was starting to cry. “But Max, she told me he’s also afraid, which proves I can beat him. But for me to do that, you need to know... I think you need to know the truth.”

As Will gathered his courage, the door burst open. Mike appeared, and Will blushed furiously, standing up and wiping his eyes, hoping Mike didn’t notice.

Mike started, his voice soft, “Oh. Uh... Sorry. We just heard from Hop. He’s fifteen minutes out. So we should probably leave in five… Is everything okay?”

“We’ll be out in a minute,” Joyce answered while nodding her head. Mike nodded and turned to go, but Will chased after him.

“Wait!” He placed his hand on the door so Mike couldn’t leave. Mike gave him a worried, questioning look, and Will blushed again. He always loved how worried Mike got around him. It made him feel so protected— like even though he was stronger than Mike, quicker, and had superpowers, Mike could still protect him better than he could protect himself. He noticed Mike was never like that with their other friends… or El, when they were together.

Maybe Will was feeding his own delusions. He often felt it necessary to remind himself that he was, very much, feeding his delusions and that it was wrong. He felt gross. He felt disgusting. He felt a burning flame deep within him that said “worthless,” “freak,” “faggot.”

Even worse, there was a softer flame— a flame that glowed fervently blue inside the darkest parts of him, a voice that said “worthy,” “perfect,” a voice that said—

“Will?” Mike placed a hand on Will’s shoulder, still waiting, and Will realized he must have zoned out. He shook off his feelings and swallowed hard.

“I think you need to hear this too… what I have to say.”

“I— I haven’t told you guys this because... because I... I don’t want you to see me differently.” Will began, looking at Mike and his mother sitting opposite him. His heart was pounding, but that blue flame told him he was ready.

He continued, “But the truth is— The truth is I am. I am different. I just... pretended like I wasn’t because... well, because I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be like my friends and... And I am like them. I’m like them in— in almost every way. We— We like playing D&D late into the night. And we like that old-person smell in Mike’s basement. And we... we like biking to Melvald’s for malted milkshakes. And we like getting lost in the woods, and getting lost in Family Video and arguing about what to rent and settling on Holy Grail for the millionth time. And... And we like Milk Duds in our popcorn with extra butter. And we like drinking Coke with Pop Rocks. And we like bike races and trading comics and NASA and Steve Martin and Lucky Charms and... Literally all the same things!” He paused, looking at two of the people who mattered most in the world to him. They both nodded, encouraging him to continue. Will sighed heavily, wishing he could go back on what he was about to admit.

He looked down at his hands and picked at his nails. “I just— I just… I don’t like girls.” Will admitted. It felt worse saying it out loud than it did when he admitted it to himself at night, in the dark, closed away from the world. “...I tried. I really tried. I tried so hard to be normal. I couldn’t fix it though. I…”

He looked up at Mike and his mother, both their expressions unreadable. The deep flame started to burn again, “They won’t accept you, you’re unlovable this way.”

He pushed the voice away and continued, looking into Mike’s eyes. “And I, uh, I had this... this crush on someone, even though I know... I know they’re not like me.” Will shook his head and started to cry.

The flame burned deeper now, “be a man.” It was tormenting. “Men don’t cry. Weak. weak!” He pushed it away again.

“But... But then I realized it was never about him. It was— It was about me. And I thought I was finally okay with myself, but... but then today... Today Vecna showed me what would happen if I did this, if I told you guys the truth. He showed me a future, and in this future, you are just... are just worried for me. Worried that things will be harder for me. And it just makes me feel like something’s wrong with me.” He started to cry harder. The deep flame burned him again, “something is wrong with you! You’re messed up! You’re gross!”

Mike reached out and placed a hand on Will’s knee, and there it was again— that blue flame, calling to him. It said “Nothing is wrong with you. You are exactly perfect.”

Will continued, feeling stronger, “So I... So I push everyone away. And we just drift apart more and more and more and more and more until I’m alone.” He took a breath. Joyce knelt at his feet and placed her hand on his other leg. Will was determined to get all his thoughts out. “And I know none of that has happened, and Vecna can’t see into the future. But he can see into our minds, and he knows things. And it just felt so real. It felt so real.” He insisted. He swallowed hard and let out a sigh.

“Will, you gotta listen to me. That will never ever happen. You’ll never lose me. Ever. Okay?” His mother said, standing up and pulling him into a hug. Will nodded as they pulled away. Mike’s face, once unreadable, softened into a smile. He pulled Will into his arms, hugging him tight.

“And you’ll never lose me. You’ll never lose me.” Mike vowed.

“Thank you. Both of you.” Will whispered. He felt entirely loved in this moment, his heart glowing blue, his soul. The door swung open and Robin leaned in on the doorknob.

“Hey, uh… Sorry to ruin the moment, whatever ‘the moment’ is, but we really need some help with the van…” She laughed awkwardly.

“Be right out,” Joyce said.

Robin nodded and slipped out again.

Will lets out his final thought: “I know El is strong enough to defeat Vecna. But he can retreat to the physical world, and we need to be ready to fight him there too. We have bullets and fire, but none of that helped those soldiers. I need to be there. And I’m ready. I’m ready to show him I’m not afraid anymore. Of anything.”

“I can help with that,” Mike said to Will, grabbing one end of a heavy box filled with supplies they were moving into the van.

“Oh, thanks,” Will said. Even though he felt better now that he had come out, and he knew Mike was okay with it, he still had a feeling that he had made Mike uncomfortable with the revelation.

“So, listen. About what you told us earlier…?” Mike started, his voice low. Will’s heart sank, and that deep flame burned it on the way down.

“You thought Mike would accept you? A queer?” Will tried to push it away, to focus on Mike.

“...Yeah?” he said. Mike looked behind his shoulder and gestured with his head while walking to a more private area. Will was mixed with dread and hope. Again, he felt guilty and stupid for hoping that Mike could in any way relate to what he had just confessed.

“Will… I feel like I didn’t— I don’t know… I didn’t get to tell you what I wanted to say earlier.” He made a face like he had said something wrong. “Not that I’m, like, making it about me, or anything. Just that it was brave and that I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me sooner. That’s all,” he spewed.

That was not anything Will had been expecting to hear. He was prepared for Mike to tell him he was gross, that he was a freak, that he was not the kind of person he wanted to be friends with. Will felt stupid— this was Mike. His best friend. His first friend. They had always been close. Even when they were living eight states apart and barely talking, there was still a sense between them that they could tell one another anything, that if one called, the other would answer.

“Mike.” It was all Will could say. He felt so seen, so understood. Mike placed a hand on Will’s shoulder.

“One more thing? You said you tried to ‘fix’ it…? But you have nothing to fix, Will. Nothing. You’re— You’re Will. You’re— I'd never want you to change.”

“Mike…” Will started, but Mike continued.

“And for the record? I’m glad you told me, but I’m sorry you had to do it that way. Under the hands of Vecna.”

Will’s heart swelled, and he gave Mike a small, thankful smile.

The heat of Mike’s hand on his shoulder flowed through his whole body. He placed his own hand over Mike’s, and he thought he saw Mike blush.

“Thank you, Mike. Really. But, honestly? I was ready. Ready for you and Mom to know, at least,” he said, squeezing Mike’s hand.

“Come on, we should finish loading up the van,” Will said, turning to walk back.

Mike stood there frozen as Will began to walk away.

Will turned over his shoulder and called, “Mike? Come on,” pulling Mike out of his own head.

“Right, yeah, coming. Coming.”

He sounded distant, and Will wondered if he had said something wrong, something to change Mike’s mind. But then there Mike was, smiling at his side.

As they walked back to the van, their shoulders brushed— accidentally, but not unwelcome— and Will felt better than he had in months.

That deep flame was overcome by the transcendent blue light that not only permeated his own body, but blazed from the boy beside him too.