Chapter Text
Night fell in Hôtel Chouchou, in the heart of Paris, where the unpredictable always seemed to stir just around the corner. Outside, along the bustling main roads, life carried on - gas lamps flickered on cobblestones slick with fresh snow, bars glowed warmly, and music and laughter spilled into the streets. It was Christmas, and the city felt bright and alive, like never before. But isn't that always what happens during the holidays?
Noe looked out the window. Lights shimmered on every corner, snow drifted softly through the air, and even the cold seemed touched with warmth. Even the cold, but not him. Never him.
In the other corner of the room, the human began his usual ritual, the opening of cologne. A flicker of the bottle, the soft twist of the cap, and he already knew what he would see if he turned to face him. Even from the corner of his eye, even in the shadowy figure reflected in the window and wavering candlelight, it was obvious. Vanitas started dousing himself with so much cologne it almost made the vampire want to gag. Seriously? He often wondered how the thing hadn't run out yet, considering it seemed to be used in grotesque quantities every single day. Who was he trying to impress, he wondered, completely baffled that a simple gesture such as this one, could carry any meaning at all. As if it wasn't perfectly normal behavior that civilized people do. But not him. Oh, for the love of God, not him. Him trying to act like a cultured individual was absurd, Noe thought, almost laughable.
After all, whatever the human was planning on doing tonight could hardly be called 'proper' and 'civilized'. Such acts were disgusting, improper even, yet he pursued them anyway, indulging in the fantasies of others people's desires. Noe was no fool. An idiot perhaps, but no fool. He had seen the marks left on him each night, the hickeys, the tangled hair, his face smudged with traces of lipstick and oh how he wanted to wipe them out of existence. Wipe them all and replace them with himself. He had seen him return in absurd hours, very late into the night, and go straight to the bathroom, clothes tossed aside in a hurry, as if trying to hide from the other. As if Noe could possibly be so stupid as not to notice. Or maybe he was just that ashamed of himself, trying to hide it from the vampire? He doubted it. It simply wasn't in Vanitas' character to feel any shame at all. He just did what he wanted. That was who he was. Or maybe....he simply didn't want the other to know. To know what exactly? That he's getting fucked, he thought aloud, his hand curling into a fist. But both of them knew damn well.
Vanitas was far too clever; there was no way he hadn't noticed the other watching him from under the blanket, no matter how much the vampire wished he hadn't. Or did he? Yet why was he continuing to do this, to pretend that Noe was not aware, acting as if it was simply impossible for the vampire's mind to even grasp such a thing? No matter how hard he pressed his mind to understand, he couldn't. Why. It was almost...it almost felt like mockery directed straight at him. And Noe knew this feeling very well. At the end of the day, it wasn't the first time the human had underestimated him. Not at all. Because that was always the deal with him, underestimating and making a fool out of the vampire. That had always been the case, hadn't it? Acting as if he knew everything, refusing to share anything, always appearing out of reach, always knowing too much. He always did, didn't he? Arrogant and selfish, too damn clever for his own good. And Noe hated it.
But most of all, out of everything that he could possibly choose to hate, he hated it because he had underestimated him in this one thing. Vanitas could give him so many moments of being belittled or ridiculed for his own amusement. So many of them. But no, Noe chose this one. Or perhaps, he didn't choose it all. Why was it that this one thing bothered him so much? And why, of all things, did it have to involve him personally? Noe pretended he didn't know. Deep down he did. And it hurt. Fuck, it hurt so much.
Another possibility, he thought, was that Vanitas was trying to hide his whole not-so-secret life under the rug because he honestly believed that the vampire could not even fathom the thought of well...sexual activities. Maybe he thought that Noe was too innocent for his own good, that it was something the other just couldn't, simply couldn't understand. And wasn't that laughable in its own way? It certainly was. That Noe, pure and naive Noe, was just not cut out for this, that he couldn't share something like that with him ever. As though Noe wasn't an adult. As though he didn't know how these things worked. Treating him like a child, as if Noe did not have sexual frustrations of his own, as if he didn't long for these things too. But oh how wrong Vanitas was. Because Noe was far from a virgin.
The first time it happened with Dominique. Not out of love - no, but out of curiosity. Noe was like a flower that had just begun to open, his petals still trembling with the uncertainty of what was to come. He'd ask for permission and she'd give it, somehow more eager than him, as if it was a decision she'd already made for herself. To be each other's first. One thing led to another, and that was how it happened. And Noe was sweet and gentle, because of course he would be. He hadn't thought about it much back then, he just thought that it was normal to do this with a woman and especially her, since they were so close. The comfort was there, an almost unspoken familiarity, the kind of that only years of friendship would bring. It wasn't strange to do this with her, not like that, not in the way he thought it might be. There was no tension, no hesitation, just an ease that settled between them, like slipping into something worn and familiar. He didn't question it at the time; it just felt right, in a way, even thought it wasn't.
The second time, he found himself lost somewhere in the city at night. He hadn't meant to wonder at this hour but his curiosity, always so insistent, had led him down unfamiliar streets and he was certain that he wouldn't be able to get past Vanitas' scolding afterwards. As he walked, he passed by a bar. It was dimly lit, the kind of place that seemed to beckon without saying a word. He paused, interest piquing again and pushed through the door.
Inside, the atmosphere was thick with the pulse of music and laughter. Most of the faces were unfamiliar, mostly men, moving in a rhythm that felt quite different. He blinked, feeling a wave of confusion, trying to make sense of it. That was when he saw them, that dham and his other colleague Johann, lips pressed together in a kiss that was almost too intimate for the public eye. It had seemed like they were too busy to actually notice him there. Strangely, his first thought was: does Vanitas know? But of course he knew, he always did. And suddenly, everything clicked.
Oh, he realized, It's a gay bar, a small spark of understanding flaring in his chest. His Teacher had talked to him about different sexualities once, in that detached academic way that never seemed to sink in until now. He ordered a drink, his fingers brushing the counter nervously as the barman glanced at him, his frown barely masking a hint of amusement.
''You must be new here'', the barman said, his tone dry but not unkind.
Noe nodded, not bothering to hide it. It was too obvious, after all, and he wasn't pretending otherwise. The barman chuckled softly and turned to pour another drink, the sound of the glass clinking against the counter filling the space. The white haired vampire took a sip, his gaze drifting towards the dancefloor. There, amidst the bodies moving to the music, someone caught his eye. One quick wink, then a purposeful stride toward what he assumed were the toilets. Now, Noe hadn't meant to get laid when he came here. No. Of course not. And he certainly didn't do one-night stands. He really didn't, it was just not his cup of tea. But the curiosity, and the thought of what it would feel like to be inside another man, was far greater. Far more intense than anything he'd ever felt before with Dominique. That single, burning spark of it pushed him forward, like a flame he could not ignore. His legs moved on their own, and he didn't even realize that this man looked so much like Vanitas. So much like him. It was that resemblance, that eerie similarity. And maybe that was exactly what drove him forward, pushing him into the unknown without hesitation. Maybe it was, but Noe refused to acknowledge it. And as much as Noe had deluded himself into thinking that it might be him, it simply wasn't.
It had started of with a blowjob. During the act, his mind wandered. When his pants were lowered just a bit, he started fantasizing about him, his face, the way his eyes seemed to pierce through him. It almost seemed like they were demanding of him. Fuck me. And how could Noe say no to that? No to Vanitas? He couldn't. He feared he wouldn't finish otherwise, if even for one single moment he stopped picturing Vanitas doing all of it. He wanted to be gentle, he really did. But how could he, when this man - no, Vanitas was looking at him with those intense, hungry eyes? How could he when he was slurping up his cock with such passion? When he looked at him as if he were tasting the best thing in the world?
His mind was consumed by the forbidden desire, a longing for something he knew he had no claim to, something he simply had no right to want. He had no right. And yet......and yet when the man below him met his gaze with a mischievous grin, mouth full staffed with his hard cock, all reason abandoned him. He couldn't help it. He thrusted his hips even faster, even harder. Because Vanitas would certainly have taken certain satisfaction in seeing him like that, so visibly affected and driven to the brink of madness. He would have found a twisted sort of pleasure in seeing him so worked up, in knowing he'd push him to this point. And Noe would have never lived that down. Proving the human right, with his overcockiness once again confirmed. Relishing in the fact that absolutely no one can ever resist him.
Not fast enough. Not hard enough.
Was it ever enough?
It all happened so quickly that he didn't even have time to process the absurd thoughts running through his mind. Thoughts of him. His gaze met the image of Vanitas' face in his mind, vivid and unshakable and before he knew it, he came, catching the other off guard. Surprisingly, the other did not mind, and instead, eagerly licked it all up. Vanitas would do this too. Or at least Noe hoped he would. Vanitas would do it better, Noe knew, because it was him. He panted, but not from exhaustion, no, it was a desperate, unspoken craving for more. The other man immediately spun around, revealing his arse with a provocative confidence. Noe blinked. It looked the other had already used the lube on himself, face flushed and horny, while the vampire was lost deep in his own thoughts. He hesitated. Would Vanitas be as submissive? The lube glistened on the other's flushed skin, igniting a primal desire within him.
With each thrust, he imagined the human's back, his own senses heightened. His nostrils flaring as he inhaled the scent, then shook the thought away. No, he decided, Vanitas wouldn't smell like this. He would smell sweeter. Greedy, the thought lingered, and he didn't want to push it aside. Little gasps escaped the other, but Noe had a goal, something to chase. Not loud enough. He reached for the other's hair, tugging it gently, but it fell short. Not long enough. He really was greedy, wasn't he? He wanted more. He wanted so much...He wanted Vanitas. Fuck. Fuck.
It felt so uncharacteristic of him. This hunger, this deep and relentless yearning, it wasn't something Noe was used to. He wasn't the type to be driven by such raw desire, yet here he was, caught in and unable to shake this feeling.
And that's when he'd realize, he'd never wanted anything so badly in his life. He'd never craved anything so desperately in his life.
The yearning twisted inside him, sharp and unrelenting, like an ache that wouldn't go away. It wasn't just physical. It was deeper, a need that consumed him entirely. He wanted him. Him and him only.
But why did it have to be him? Why this burning, aching need for someone that made him feel like this? But deep down, he knew the answer. It could only be him. There really was no reason for it, no explanation that made sense...Noe hated Vanitas' guts and that was the truth. His overcockiness, that smug sense of always knowing better, always being one step ahead. He hated that stupid hourglass earring of his, the way it dangled so arrogantly. He hated how his blue eyes glowed so beautifully when he used the Blue Moon's power, like he was untouchable, like he had some kind of hold on everything. Noe hated that stupid coat of his, that would always slip off his shoulders, falling just the right way. He hated the way he treated Dominique. He hated that 'Non!', that irritating, perfect, self-righteous refusal, as if he could always keep control. He hated how he let the Hellfire Witch drink his blood like it was nothing, all while Noe was fighting so hard with himself, pushing back the urge to ruin him completely. To give in to the very thing he hated the most.
Yet, what really stung was his refusal to let anything, anything draw them even a little closer. It was the wall he put up, the constant reminder that there was no chance, no hope for something more. Because that's what he would say, wouldn't he? With that same, cold and dismissive tone and Noe felt like it was just yesterday.
You've gotten the wrong idea about something. You and I were only working together because our interests happened to align. We are strangers. If the other stops being useful, cut him loose. If he gets in the way, kill him. That’s all we are, and you know it.
Still, he also had his good sides, did he not? The way he'd mention that vampires and humans were basically the same, endlessly selfish creatures. He was incredibly realistic, sharp as blade, seeing things for what they truly were. And then there was the way he wanted to cure the vampires, even if he claimed it was out of 'revenge'. But Noe knew, that wasn't the real reason. There was more to it. A desire to change things, a vision that was more than just personal vengeance. And then there was the way he'd blush, that soft flush creeping up his neck and across his cheeks when Noe had been stalking him and saw him with Roland. It was almost....adorably cute. His eyes would flicker away, his lips pressing together, in that shy, almost helpless way. It was an unexpected softness, a vulnerability that made him lose all confidence. Noe didn't know Vanitas was capable of showing such a side to the world.
Would he blush like that if Noe touched him? Or would he pretend it didn't matter, hiding behind the mask of indifference?
Noe would die to know.
He would die to know, to feel the heat of his skin against his, to see if that cool and collected mask would crack, even just for a moment. How would his lips pressed against his own feel like? In Noe's imagination they'd be cold, yet soft and demanding. The sensation would be electrifying, like a spark racing through him, leaving the vampire breathless, wanting more. It wouldn't be gentle, it would be raw, charged with everything they both refused to admit. Refused to say out loud. There would be heat, and then Noe would slid his own tongue into his mouth with such urgency, as if the world would cease to exist in that moment. Gently, he would caress his manhood, then with increasing fervor, savoring the expressions he would make and then-
''Hey, earth to Noe'', and just like that, the world snapped back into focus, like the sudden jolt of a dream fading to daylight.
''Huh?'', Noe's own voice sounded foreign to him, distant.
Vanitas let out a tired sigh, already standing in front of the door. ''I said, I'm heading out'', his hand hovered over the handle and the door shut with a soft click. And Noe was left standing there, in that cold hotel room.
He shook his head, his mind racing. What had just happened? Why exactly had Vanitas felt the need to inform him that he was leaving? Why hadn't he said anything back? This.....this never happened before. It felt wrong, strange even. He was strange. His thoughts halted for a moment but then it hit him. Vanitas was going out, again. With god knows who, and god knows where. The fury bloomed within him like a dark storm.
Jealousy slipped in, suffocating him for what felt like the millionth time. It was a familiar feeling, one he'd felt many, many times before. Every night, gnawing at him, but it never stopped hurting. It still burned, it still made his heart twist. He reminded himself, almost desperately, he had no right, no right to feel this way. After all, Vanitas was not his, and he would never be.
Did Vanitas even realize how much it tore him apart? How painful it was, and it is every single fucking time, being left behind, left to imagine everything, everything the human had been planning on doing tonight. With someone else, and not him. Never him.
Noe sat down on the bed, the weight of his thoughts pressing him into the mattress. The room felt smaller now, the silence thicker. It felt like torture, and he could feel himself on the edge, like he was going to break any second now. It was ridiculous. One would think that you'd get over something if it happened so many times. But no. To him, it hurt all the same, with the same kind of pain, always the same. Never less, never more. Maybe a little more.
He'd been strong, hadn't he? He'd kept it together. Or so he told himself that he did. But for how long? For how long, could he keep pretending that it didn't hurt?
He chuckled to himself. He was going mad. His thoughts were running all over the place, and all he could focus on was that undeniable, burning desire: to run after him, to drag him back this very instant, and lock him in this hotel room and never let him leave. Because he was his. He was his.
Oh, but Vanitas had given him the opportunity to go after him, hadn't he? The words echoed in his mind, this time sharp and clear. ''I said...'' A pause. A stare. A pleading in his eyes, in those gorgeous eyes of his, that only now, in this still, frantic moment the vampire could see clearly. ''I'm heading out.''
A temptation. A test. He was testing him. Because this had never happened before. A silent pleading, buried in the unspoken space between the words, waiting for him to see, to act. And it was only now Noe was realizing it. Only now. He couldn't help but curse himself for not seeing it sooner.
He really was an idiot, wasn't he? How much time has passed? Would he even be able to find him?
The thought made him get up, grab his coat, and head straight outside. The cold hit his face like a slap, as if telling him he deserved it. That he had it coming. Panic surged through him , he was running now. Running, as if his life depended on it, his heart pounding in his chest, pushing him with a force he couldn't control. The seconds felt like minutes, each one dragging him further into a feeling of unfairness and sweet irony.
Would he be too late?
While he ran, he passed by countless bars, restaurants, shops, and cafes - places that once might have caught his attention, especially the cafes that made his favorite tarte tatin, but now felt like nothing more than blurred backdrops to his desperate search. The people, the clinking of glasses, the laughter, none of it mattered. His feet stumbled, his movements awkward, but nothing made him feel more of a fool than the chaos of his own mind now. He didn't care. None of it mattered. Not the people, not the city, nothing.
Only him.
Only finding him. That was all he could focus on.
And then, there he was. A dark alley, narrow and forgotten, the kind of place no one would notice unless they were looking for it. Or looking for someone.
For some pathetic reason, Noe already knew what was awaiting for him.
He knew and yet he didn't stop.
Stupid and Foolish. He knew better. But still, his feet carried him forward, step by reluctant step, as though he could undo the inevitable by just being there. He should have turned away, should have swallowed the burning anger and walked away. He should have thought about it twice. But he didn't. He couldn't.
His heart was already sinking, but still he pushed on, driven by something he couldn't quite explain. Foolishness? Hope? It didn't matter. It really didn't.
There, under the cold and unforgiving faint light of the streetlamp, he saw him. The light was so faint, so little that it only illuminated him. Him. As if he had a right to see this, to witness the scene unfolding before him. As if fate itself had prepared him for this moment, laughing at him and mocking him, like some cruel joke he couldn't escape.
Vanitas stood there, but not alone.
Whore.
The other - human, vampire? Did it really fucking matter? was pressed against him, their lips locked together, the man's hands tangled in Vanitas' hair. The human was not even feeling it, his eyes open. A kiss that felt wrong, like a slap to his face. He had been mentally slapped a lot today, hadn't he?
Noe's chest tightened, both from the hurt and the pure simmering rage.
The human stood there, oh so innocent, like he wasn't the reason Noe was running so fast to find him. Was his vampiric speed even enough? He stood like he wasn't the cause of all of Noe's problems. As if none of it mattered. As if none of it was his fault.
The vampire's breath caught in his throat, the kind of breath that comes from trying to choke down something ugly. His lilac eyes burned, and even though they had not turned crimson, Noe could still feel them burning. His entire body felt like it was wrapped in emptiness, so much that the scene in front of him almost seemed like a distant echo, not real at all.
And then, their eyes met.
The moment their gazes collided, time seemed to freeze. Vanitas' eyes were wide now, startled and betraying the shock that shot through him. It was more than obvious that he hadn't expected this. Hadn't expected Noe to actually follow him.
But there was something deeper too. Maybe regret. Maybe shame. Maybe something else entirely, something that he couldn't pinpoint, something that didn't make sense.
Suddenly, it seemed like Vanitas' eyes focused. Like something shifted. The surprise on his face was gone, melted away like it had never been there in the first place. Replaced by an intense smirk, blue eyes locking into lilac. Locking into his eyes, and only his.
Noe knew exactly what was coming next. He knew, but how he wanted to be wrong just this once.
Vanitas' grip tightened on the other man's waist, nails digging into his skin, like he was someone else entirely from the person he'd just seen seconds ago. The cockiness was back, all its glory flashing in his eyes. His hips rolled against the other's thigh, lips dragging to his ear and whispering, ''Fuck me.'' Loud and clear. Words that weren't meant for the other man. They never had been.
The other immediately responded to his touch, because of course he would. Eager and excited, leaning in closer to Vanitas. His Vanitas. As Noe was forced to watch this disgusting scene in front of him.
But was he really forced to watch? No. He could've turned away, walked away, pretended it wasn't happening. Pretended he didn't care. After all, this was exactly what Vanitas wanted. That was his goal. He was doing it on purpose, every touch, every caress, all of it designed to provoke him. To bring a reaction out of him. To make him jealous, to test how far he'd go, to see what he was going to do.
What the fuck did he want from him? What kind of satisfaction was he gaining from this? Was it just to watch him break and make him look like a fool for caring? Did he not already do this? To watch him suffer like this, to make him feel this pain. Did Noe not suffer enough already? It hurt. Fuck, it hurt so much.
The worst part? He knew how to do it. He knew the buttons to push, how to twist the knife deeper, how to make him suffer in the worst possible way.
This was fun to him, wasn't it? A cruel game, a sick and twisted pleasure that only he could receive. But enough is enough.
And this would end today.
The vampire stepped forward, fists clenching, trying with everything in him to control the rage boiling beneath the surface. Trying to control how much he wanted to murder this man, when he touched him. He dared to place his filthy hands on him, on his Vanitas and no one else's. No one else's. His. His. His. Only his.
Noe was holding on by a thread, every instinct screaming at him to just straight up lash out. But he wouldn't. Not yet.
''Get your filthy hands off him. Now.''
The words were low, dangerous, but they seemed to hang in the air like a promise of something much, much worse. The world seemed to stop, suspended in a breath. Vanitas though, didn't even flinch. Instead his eyes twinkled with amusement, and he almost looked like he was about to laugh out loud. Obviously enjoying Noe's reaction, obviously enjoying the vampire's humiliation. Enjoying, that once again he had won.
But Noe had lost count on how long he'd been dealing with this, this hell. Loving someone just out of reach. And Vanitas should be scared, he really should be, terrified even. Because Noe, he was like a volcano on the verge of eruption. Nobody, not even himself, could say when he'd finally break. It could happen, the next second, the next heartbeat. He only knew it was coming, and he was powerless to stop it.
The other man turned, brow furrowed, and asked ,'' Who are you?''. But before Noe could even open his mouth, Vanitas cut him off. He tossed him a sly grin over his shoulder, acting like the question wasn't meant for the vampire standing in the darkness, like he was in charge of the whole scene. He was. ''Ignore him baby'', he said, a smug smile spreading across his lips. He brushed off the vampire's presence, like swatting away an annoying insect, standing there in the damp, narrow alley. He made it seem like, no he wanted to make it seem like Noe standing there right in that moment, did not matter. As if he should have never been there in the first place. Pretending, almost too well, that he didn't care. He tossed those words, and didn't even spare to look at him. Not even once. God, that made Noe's blood boil.
''Viens, mon cœur. On continue, toi et moi'', Vanitas murmured, voice low and intimate. A voice that could have fooled anyone into thinking he actually meant it. His hand slid down, bold and certain, gripping the shape of the other's cock. And that was all it took, really.
Noe snapped. He saw red. He shoved Vanitas aside and seized the man by his collar, his fangs bared. He didn't even realize he had exposed them. Rage and pure animalistic instinct consumed him. His vision blurred at the edges, washed in crimson. A snarl tore from his throat, low and feral and nothing remotely human. In one brutal motion, he hauled the man off his feet and slammed him onto the cold pavement. The impact echoed through the alley, a sharp crack that made Vanitas flinch. But wasn't this what he wanted?
Vanitas gasped, stumbling back a step. He hadn't expected that. Oh, now he was acting like this wasn't his fault? The nerve of him was absurd to say the least. As if Noe would just sit back and watch. Sit back and watch someone take what was rightfully his.
Noe stood over the other man, chest heaving, eyes burning with something wild and ancient. The other man struggled to stand. Of course he did. Vampiric strength was no joke. With shaking hands, he saw blood trace a thin line from his nose, and his eyes, widened in complete shock , held the kind of fear for creatures who suddenly realize they are prey.
Noe didn't move. His eyes were fixed, unblinking, and his face held no emotion at all. Is this what you wanted?
The other man turned and ran, stumbling into a sprint, fleeing down the alley as though the demon himself were chasing him.
He didn't look back.
He didn't dare.
Minutes passed.
One.
Two.
Silence settled over the alley like a thin layer of frost, clinging to the air, to the walls, to Vanitas' lungs. Then Noe slowly turned. The motion was unhurried, almost gentle, as if the fury from moments ago had been folded away and tucked somewhere deep. His lilac eyes found Vanitas' ones, and something softened, just barely, at the edges of his expression. A bittersweet smile curved his lips.
''Are you satisfied now?'', he asked. The words weren't loud, they didn't need to be. They hung in the air, soft yet piercing, just enough for both of them to catch their meaning.
Vanitas struggled to find the right words. It was an odd thing, watching the ease of his usual confidence falter. This was....new. But Noe was not waiting for an answer. He moved, closing the distance between them like a shadow creeping in the night. And then, the height difference between them was unmistakable. Noe loomed above him, a quiet dominance, and even though Vanitas was not someone you'd call short, he still seemed to shrink slightly in comparison. In a heartbeat, the human found himself pressed against the cold, unyielding wall, Noe's presence a silent cage that left no room to escape.
Noe watched him, but Vanitas didn't react, didn't move. It was as if he decided that his place was always there, caged between Noe.
The vampire felt bold tonight. With an almost tender touch, his fingers found their way to the human's chin, his palm warm against the fragile skin. His breath tingled against the other's, warm and alive, compared to the cold outside. A hesitation. Vanitas didn't look up; his gaze was fixed on the pavement, avoiding Noe's eyes as if he were studying the ground with quiet intensity. Noe's chest tightened, realizing, for the first time, how long he'd been holding his breath, waiting for something he couldn't name. Waiting for an okay, waiting for a sign , something, anything that would give him the permission to cross the line between what was and what could be. If he let him. Did he even have a right to this moment, at all?
''You can refuse this'', Noe murmured, his voice barely a whisper, thick with something unspoken. ''Fuck, just tell me to stop.'', a silent desperation in his words. ''I need you to say it. Just give me an excuse to walk way.''
It was uncharacteristic for him to curse. So not him. It was just a single word, but still...it felt strange to Vanitas, like something had cracked inside the vampire. Like he was trying really hard to keep his composure. Like it was becoming unbearable for him. Vanitas felt it, he felt it so strongly because it was Noe. He had learned to read the vampire in ways others couldn't.
And Noe? He knew that it was mutual. The hunger, the tension, the fire between them that neither could fully deny. But that was the problem. Vanitas couldn't let himself want this. Not fully. Not in the way Noe needed him to. He was so damn afraid what would happen if he did. Afraid of what it would mean for him, for them both.
It’s revolting. The thought of someone falling for a person like me…
Noe never stopped watching him, his chest tightened at the thought. Vanitas thought he was undeserving of love. Believed he was unworthy, too flawed. It made Noe sick to his stomach. To him, the idea of someone wanting him, actually wanting him, was a betrayal of everything he saw in himself. Noe saw all of this. He saw it even now, when the human refused to look at him. He looked everywhere else, anywhere but him, as if afraid if their eyes meet, he would give in.
But this was a fire neither of them were ready to start.
''Vanitas, look at me...'', Noe's voice came out in a faint murmur. Please, he thought, though he couldn't bring himself to say it aloud. Please look at me.
The human stood there, still refusing to move. He could feel the heat of the vampire's presence, the weight of the moment pressing down on him. His heart beat a little faster and it was easier to pretend that this moment wasn't real. But Noe's plea, so simple yet so powerful, drew him in, making him unable to resist. And then he finally looked. Looked at him. His eyes met Noe's and in that instant, something changed. He wanted him, he wanted him just as much as the vampire wanted him. His body felt it, every nerve tingling in response to the quiet pull between them, a magnetic force that neither could escape. He could feel it, deep in his bones, the way his body ached for Noe. His heart raced at the thought of letting himself have this, even though the rational part of his mind screamed at him to turn away.
Would it hurt to let himself have this, just this once?
Every part of him wanted to take that step forward, to close the distance, to let himself fall into the moment. To let himself fall right into his arms. But everything about this was forbidden. It wasn't just the hunger in the vampire's eyes that made this dangerous. Vanitas knew the cost. He swallowed hard. The heavy price that he would pay in case Noe lost control and actually drank from his blood, and saw his memories. And then Vanitas would have to kill him. But at the same time he could not ignore his need. The desire to give in, to let the vampire take from him.
It was unfair wasn't it? The fact that Noe just had to be an Archiviste.
Vanitas decided he would take a different approach to this. To test him even more. His lips curled into a small, almost taunting, smile. ''Oh, this is how you want it to go, is that it? You just want to put your dick in me until you're done and finished. I could be just a hole for you to use, right?.''
Noe's breath caught in his words, not because of what he just heard. No. Honestly, he'd expected as much. It was because his words finally broke this torturous silence. It felt like an eternity before Vanitas spoke, each second dragging on longer than the last, stretching his patience thin. Of course Vanitas was going to make this difficult. He had always been difficult, hadn't he?
Noe sighed. ''No, that's not it at all.'', he reached out, fingertips brushing Vanitas' cheek with such gentleness that made Vanitas want to melt. ''I don't just want to taste you. I want all of you. You. You and nobody else - that's all I need. I need you. I need every part of you. I want to know the way your heart betrays you,'' he continued, voice roughening, almost cracking, ''to hear it stumble when I touch you - If - If you let me.''
Vanitas shuddered, his breath hitching as the vampire's fingers traced the line of his collarbone, pressing into him with a need that made it impossible to pull away.
His lips parted, hesitating, ''And....what if i say no?''
''Then I will wait. As long as it takes. As long as you want.'', Noe murmured, voice low and vibrating with obsession. Then I will wait. It almost sounded like a promise.
The human smirked then, wetting his lips, as though savoring the effect he was having on him. ''And if I never say yes?'', his eyes lifted, locking onto the vampire's, staring straight right through him. ''If I never give in? Then what, Noe?'' , the words were a tease. He knew it. He was enjoying this.
Noe responded almost immediately. He didn't need to think about it.
''Then I will wait forever.''
He smiled, a sad one, one that held great sorrow in it. His eyes, usually bright, had lost their usual childish spark. Vanitas didn't like the sight of him like that. Not at all. He also didn't like that it was him that was causing it. He wanted to erase his pain so bad. He wanted to. But this was hard for him as well.
He had already accepted it, even if his mind had protested. No matter how many times he tried to deny it, no matter how many times he told himself that he should not want him as much as he did. When every time, he had been with other people, trying to forget the vampire, his feelings for him. When he found himself wishing it was those lilac eyes staring into his as they became one, wishing he could whisper sweet nothings to him, the way only Noe could say them. His idiot.
He imagined the way those hands would touch him. He imagined the way Noe would claim him, the way he would make him feel desired for once, in a way that would make everything else meaningless. Every other face, every other touch, every fleeting moment of attention he had chased over and over, none of it would have compared. None of it would have ever touched his heart and his soul like that. Making him actually feel like a human.
''Well, then it's a good thing you won't have to'', he said, voice certain. Certain like never before. There was a switch, a sudden irrevocable click inside him, as if some hidden part of his soul had finally been unlocked.
And in that instant, he let himself fall. He threw himself into the vampire's embrace, hands desperate and seeking. And finally, finally, their lips connected. Noe moaned. There was tongue and it was hot and messy. Their tongues explored each other's mouths, breaths colliding, raw and urgent. Every second of waiting, every suppressed need, erupted all at once. Vanitas' hands roamed with urgency, memorizing the warmth of the vampire.
Vanitas let himself fall fully. This time, he let his heart take the lead instead of his mind. And foolishly, it smiled at him, bursting so hard it was almost unbearable, as if it too had been waiting, for this single impossible moment.
He no longer hesitated. He no longer reasoned. He simply existed in the intensity of surrender. And in that surrender, he felt a strange, exquisite freedom. As though giving himself over to the vampire, to the inevitable, to this dangerous, consuming desire, had always been his heart's only home. And it felt so right, so impossibly right that it was maddening he had resisted it for so long.
He gasped, it cannot feel this good, it shouldn't feel this good. But it did. Merde, it did.
Noe did not seem to notice that Vanitas' mind had been wandering elsewhere, for he himself was lost on his own. He could hardly believe this was actually happening. What if it was actually not Vanitas? It felt too perfect, too good to be true. His mind insisted on playing tricks on him, but his body, his senses, his heart, all knew the truth: it was real. He left open- mouthed kisses along the curve of his neck, each one filled with more passion than the last. But then, he stopped abruptly, realizing where they had been and the human stupidly thought that maybe he had regretted this. What if this moment, was about to ripped away from him?
''Not here'', he whispered against his skin. Even when Noe could hardly control himself any longer, his hunger pressing at every nerve, letting the true vampiric side of him bubble to the surface, he knew he wanted their first time to be somewhere where they were alone. Somewhere he could claim the human fully and unconditionally, without restraint.
Vanitas nodded. A silent agreement.