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December, the twelfth month of the year, and the last month of the year. Usually considered as the first month of winter in the northern hemisphere. Christmas is slowly approaching, as the year comes to an end.
Oh, and it’s also Soobin’s birth month.
In the past, Soobin always perceived December as a month without any character, just a cold month filled with excuses, one filled with a half-assed “Happy Birthday Soobin!” and half-meant Merry Christmas’s from his extended family. Ironically, December wasn't like a month filled with joy or any type of merriness, but rather one with unspoken words of “I have to buy presents for all these people, not because I care but it feels required to.”
Soobin would always wonder, at what point in these people’s lives would winter feel like a season to be filled with warmth from the people you actually love rather than a burden of a chore?
Perhaps the only person in Soobin’s world who actually didn’t buy gifts out of courtesy is his own mother, who always goes out her way to make each one of his birthdays somewhat heart-warming, and their Christmas actually a merry one.
Oh, and also Choi Beomgyu, who just so happens to be Soobin’s now boyfriend.
If someone were to ask Soobin “what animal does Beomgyu remind you of?” he would have said:“a puppy.” And if you were to ask him to elaborate, he would have continued with: “Because puppies are cute, like Beomgyu. They’re really energetic, like Beomgyu. Very playful, just like Beomgyu.”
And sure, maybe a normal person would’ve left it at that. But Soobin never applauded himself to be a normal person anyway, so he would’ve added: “And very fucking clingy, just like Beomgyu”
Soobin wasn’t exactly a textbook romantic kind of guy, but Beomgyu has been around Soobin long enough to know how deeply Soobin loves him. Even if he is pretty ass at expressing it, Beomgyu knows him better than anyone else could.
Only Beomgyu knows how easily Soobin gets cold in the winter.
Only Beomgyu knows how Soobin would drown himself in layers upon layers of blankets, just for it to still feel cold by his feet.
Only Beomgyu knows how much Soobin loves hot chocolate, but hates the way it would burn his tongue whenever he got too excited to take a sip.
Only Beomgyu knows what meal Soobin would want to eat in the cold of winter, even if Soobin doesn’t name it. Even if Soobin is willing to compromise, even if kimchi jjim is more fitting to eat than jjok-galbi in the cold of winter, Beomgyu would simply give him his half. Passing that warmth of love across the table, love settling softly in the space between them. It goes both ways for the two of them.
And maybe that’s why at the end of the day, they’d always end up in the same place. Beomgyu pressed against Soobin’s chest, tucked close as if he were made to be there. The warmth, which is once shared, is meant to be kept. Their intertwined limbs, Beomgyu’s cold skin meeting Soobin’s warmth, stealing heat without asking. Soobin doesn’t complain, never does. It’s always a natural exchange between them, the natural instinct of shifting to make room on the shared bed. Soobin always lets Beomgyu curl into his chest, melt into that embrace as if that space was made for him.
Maybe it starts with hot chocolate burning tongues, or the taste of food, with halves exchanged across the table. But it always ends in the same way in the cold of winter, like clockwork, Beomgyu snuggling up to him, limbs intertwined, breath warm across his collarbones. The winter feels lighter like this, warmer, easier to bear.
“You always love clinging to me when it’s winter, huh?” Soobin starts, feeling the familiar weight against his back. It’s warm in contrast to the cold of their kitchen counter, Beomgyu’s arms resting around his waist loosely as if he belongs there.
Beomgyu hums lazily, nose tucking into the hollow of Soobin’s neck as he slightly tilts his head. “It’s cold.” He responds, his voice slightly muffled. As if that answer explains everything, as if it always has.
And it does.
Soobin lets out a quiet breath, something close to a chuckle, but much softer, fond in a way he wouldn’t admit to Beomgyu out loud. He finds himself shifting a little, widening up the space between them but not enough to break the hold. Letting Beomgyu cuddle closer, as his own hand snakes down to take a hold of one of Beomgyu’s. Cold fingers instinctively curling into the warmth.
“You’re like a human heater,” Beomgyu says at once, squeezing his hand as emphasis.
“Sure I am,” Soobin replies, no bite to it. He stays still anyway, letting the warmth seep in between them, letting Beomgyu steal that warmth if he wants to.
Beomgyu moves to press his forehead against Soobin’s shoulder blades, breathing him in, content with it, with this. The quiet of sharing warmth, of space, of love, has always been enough. No elaborate actions, just two people under the same space, choosing each other over and over again.
“You know..” Beomgyu speaks again after a beat, his hold on Soobin tightening slightly. “For someone who really hates feeling cold, you love wearing a tank top in the winter.”
Soobin chuckles quietly, shaking his head. “What are you trying to insinuate here, Mister Beomgyu?”
Beomgyu hums, pressing his cheek against Soobin’s shoulders even further as he presses closer (as if there were even space left in between them.) “Nothiiiing,” He says innocently, his voice being an evident give away. “You just want to be in my arms so bad, righttt? Is that why my Soobinie is wearing a tank top on a cold winter day?”
“I was going to wear a hoodie,” Soobin says, then adds, absentmindedly, “After I finish making my hot chocolate.”
That captured Beomgyu’s attention, his hold on Soobin tightened again, seemingly trying to anchor Soobin in place. “Again? You already burned your tongue this morning though?”
Soobin pouts, “That’s because you distracted me.”
“Because you never wait for it to cool,” Beomgyu counters, amused. He presses a quick kiss on Soobin’s cheek, “Don’t pout baby, let me finish these for you.”
Beomgyu pulls away slowly, but not before placing one last kiss on Soobin’s shoulder, causing the elder to shiver at the contact. “Okay fine, but you’re doing the dishes.” And Soobin says that with a big smile on his face.
He doesn’t recall how this routine eventually came to be, how his perception of winter changed from dull and cold to bright and filled with warmth. He always thought he’d end up like the adults he once pitied as a child, an adult following through the heavy burden of the winter season.
He never expected to spend the final days of December in someone’s embrace, drinking hot chocolate, eating shared meals, and a genuine smile.
The sight of seeing a smile grow on Beomgyu’s face as he makes a hot chocolate for two, brings warmth and happiness in Soobin’s chest. He wonders how someone is able to look this radiant in the cold of winter.
A question to be answered another time, perhaps. For now, Soobin wants nothing more besides watching the sunset in the winter, the apricity settling beautifully between them. With Beomgyu, his Beomgyu in his embrace, maybe drinking hot chocolate together for all the rest of time if possible.