Work Text:
Gollum was being an absolute little shit.
He was eyeing the one ring Frodo had on his neck, how creepy is that? And he even started to talk about some, "my precious" or, "im gonna kill little hobbitses"
after hearing those words, Sam decided he'd teach the creepy dude a lesson.
let's just pretend Gandalf took them to a wooden cabin, then Gandalf took Frodo out to go fishing so Sam and Gollum were all alone...
The moment they left, Sam lunged at Gollum, tackling him to the ground. Gollum started squirming and throwing punches at Sam, but he wasn't having it, after all he was going to put Gollum back where he belongs.
Sam started to beat the living shit out of Gollum, using up all the strength he had he couldn't use because Frodo was always watching him. After a couple of minutes, Gollum was completely knocked out, "This is for my precious, my precious Frodo.." Sam huffed out, looking at the now motionless creature below him, Sam's eyes was filled with fury, then he got up and walked over to his bags and took out the elvish rope.
He started to tie Gollum to a chair, when Gollum woke up, he was met with Sam staring into his soul and holding a whip. Gollum shrieked, "please i help master for precious!!" but Sam wasn't having it, he started whipping the shit out of Gollum, his defenseless cries echoed throughout the whole forest. Each whip was gradually picking up more force every second, each of Gollum's shriek getting progressively louder as he was getting whipped, his skin starting to scar and bleed.
"You've planned to kill Mister Frodo fron the start you stupid, stupid creature!" Sam was whipping Gollum even faster, his rage increasing as he thought of all the times Gollum had blamed Sam and called him names.
Soon, the creature was motionless, Gollum was playing dead. Yet Sam wouldn't stop as he still saw the tiny breaths of air Gollum took, "playing dead now whip huh?" he said with a hint of jealousy in his tone, he looked back on how Gollum's side was always taken first and how Frodo didn't even care to hear Sam out. "Stupid Mister Frodo..." Sam thought in his head, then he shook it.
As he was about to finish off Gollum,Gandalf and Frodo came back just in time. Only now that Frodo was bloody and Gandalf had a fishing rod stuck in his stomach, "a-a this isn't what it looks like! And what happened to Gandalf!?" Sam exclaimed, shocked.
But as always,"Sam! What are you doing to Gollum!?" Frodo takes the whip out of Sam's hands.
"No, Mister Frodo why does Gandalf have a fishing rod stuck in him first and wha- why are you bloody?? Are you hurt, Mister Frodo?"
"I got angry at the old man and i stabbed him with the fishing rod, don't tell anybody its our dirty little secret.. " Frodo said in an ominous tone,"Sam pls control ur boyfriend's anger issues" Gandalf said dryly.
"We aren't-" Gandalf shushed them,"i know how whenever that freak Gollum is gone you guys are always saying something like,"i miss my cocoa butter kisses" to each other infront of ME.
"Sam he knows too much" Frodo whispers to Sam.
"He's been knowing too much, even how much i hate Gollum and that i set him on fire." Sam whispers back to Frodo.
"You did WHAT" Frodo yells out.
"Nothing.. " Sam said in a sheepish tone.
"icl ngl yk ur 2 fine ur liek candy 2 my eyes sam." Frodo says.
"what, i don't understand what is this-" Sam asks.
"Come over here and kiss me on my hot mouth, im feeling ROMANTICAL❤️🩹" Frodo grabs Sam's shoulders.
"Woah, lets just end it here-" Gandalf says, but Frodo grabs Gandalf's wand and summons 27 Bill Clinton and his bill clintonlings to beat up Gandalf then Frodo and Sam make out while Gollum is dead.
But wait! It doesn't end there, Legolas, Gimli, Aragon, and Faramir found Sam and Frodo kissing while Gandalf is getting jumped and Gollum is dead, "nurse, they're awake.." Aragon mutters out of pure fear.
Doctor Dean Winchester comes out,"Which patients are awake may you say?"
"T-those ones...!" Legolas points at Sam and Frodo making out, his fingers shaking at the mere sight.
"Wow! They need to go to superhell becaus that's where all homosexuals go!" Dean Winchester says.
Frodo turns into a 2020 half wolf, half hobbit, half bunny, half demon, half angel, half cotton candy princess and starts singing, "devils don't fly" arched over with Gollum's cut off arm. Gandalf comes back and beat up the Bill Clintons then pulled his staff away from Frodo then he started to send both Frodo and Sam to superhell because they are homosexuals.
Frodo and Sam got sent to superhell and beat up Lucifer, then Frodo became the new king of hell while Sam was just there as his Good Shire Homosexual "Friend" and they started to make out tongue sloppily while Gandalf watched in horror because he used his big blue, gray orbs to see what Frodo and Sam were up to.