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Judy watches him fall, fingers touching, fur mingling, that close she had been. Then she feels something coiling on her midsection. She doesn’t care, just numb to it all, she hopes to follow him in his descent.
Whatever grabbed her has other plans, feeling herself pulled back. Back over the ledge she vaulted to get to him. She crashes into the soft snow. She doesn’t care.
She gets up, rushing down the stairs of the huge facility. He needs her, she failed him once already.
She finally reaches the debris. She looks for him, she can’t find him. Desperation fills her chest, lungs working overtime to provide enough oxygen for the hyperventilating bunny.
She screams his name, pleads to him, asks for it to be a joke. Wishing for the fox to jump over the rocks and surprise her.
She sees russet, she rushes to his side. Kneeling beside his chest. With careful paws turns him over, trying not to aggravate whatever injury he may have sustained.
She hopes to see the green eyes she fell in love with, there’s only closed lids. A trickle of blood spilling from his nose and the corner of his mouth.
She sees his chest is not moving. She looks for a pulse, she fumbles with her paws, trying to find the correct spot. All her training gone from her head. She felt like a little girl playing doctor.
She finds the spot, she knows she is right but keeps trying. She searches in other places, his neck, his wrists. Tears falling from her eyes. She places a paw to his heart in desperation.
She screams his name. Raw, unabated.
She places her lips on his, putting her paws around his muzzle. She breathes out, her lungs burn in protest. She doesn’t care. She keeps pushing air out.
She presses on his chest, with as much force as she can muster. It was barely enough for a compression. She grows frustrated. Her limbs ache.
She repeats the process. Breathing life into him, pushing death away. She loses count of how many times she does that.
She feels a hoof on her shoulder. Restraining her movement. She tries to fight it off. She can’t, too enfeebled after almost 36 hours without rest.
“He’s gone” she hears. It bounced in her head. Filling every space of it. Dashing all her hopes.
The world grows gray. She can hear a scream. It sounds painful, like someone just lost their only thing worth living for. Her throat burns for some reason.
She feels herself fall forwards. A russet field swallowing her vision. Then everything goes black.
-----
She is standing by his side. Flower bouquet in her paws. The beautiful cloudless sky mocking her.
She is dressed in her dress blues, sans badge. She places the bouquet on the cold stone slab. She reads the inscription again.
“Nicholas Piberius Wilde, son, friend, partner, hero”
Her eyes are dry. Tears no longer allowing her the respite of mourning. She feels nothing. Just cold. Empty. All the color gone from her life.
She turns to leave. Mammals call out to her. She doesn’t hear them. No one dares to stop her by force.
She reaches her house. Not a home. Never again a home. Not if he’s no longer there.
She crosses the door. Closing it behind her. There’s only a single bag. Photos and memorabilia packed. She grabs it, leaving her keys on the small desk by the corner.
She leaves the room. She leaves the building. She enters a train. She leaves the city.
She sits by the window, eyes forward. She can see people staring at her. She doesn’t care.
She hears a voice. She looks up to see a small tv. A newscast retelling her case. A photo of that lynx flashes. She wanted to feel angry. Rage against the one that took him from her. She can’t. She’s not even allowed that. He died from the fall along with her hopes and dreams.
She reaches her family’s farm. Everyone welcomes her. She can only muster a “I’m tired”.
She makes her way to her old room. Everything is as she remembers. The posters of the police academy are still hanging. Promises of making the world a better place sounding empty, devoid of the hope those filled her with before.
She’s tired. She just wants to lay down, curl into a ball and disappear. Maybe she’d be able to dream of Nick. Her tears begin to fall anew. She sobs, not caring who hears. Exhaustion takes her into a dreamless sleep.
She wakes the next morning, hears her parents outside her door. They talk in whispers, forgetting they are surrounded by hundreds of pairs of rabbit ears. Herself included.
“I just can’t see her like this Bonbon”
“We have to let her mourn Stu”
“He was her partner on the force and sure he was her friend, but come on. It almost feel like she’s mourning-”
“Like she’s mourning her mate”
‘My mate’ she thinks. Before dizziness consumes her. She feels nauseous. ‘My mate’ she thinks again. More tears fall from her eyes. She screams. She sees the door swing violently inwards. How could she not see it before then. Too scared to do anything about it, hiding her love for him all along. Now it’s too late. ‘I just lost my mate’. Everything goes black.
-----
She wakes, she bathes, she eats something. She goes to work the stand. Forcing a smile she doesn’t want. ‘Never let them see’ his motto resounding in her mind. She returns to her parent’s house. She eats something, she makes small talk, she retires to her room. She cries herself to sleep.
Years go by.
She wakes, she bathes, she eats something. She goes to work the stand. She hears something. A rumor, something she should just ignore. Continue her meaningless existence until she meets him again. She can’t do so when she hears it’s about a fox. A kit, a little girl. Someone abandoned a baby at the sheriff’s office. She feels her feet moving, the scenery changing before she notices she’s halfway there.
She bursts in, her eyes zeroing in on the little bundle held carefully in the cloven hoofs of Clara, the deer doe assistant of the office. She makes her way over, carefully, silently. She peers at the bundle when she’s close enough. The baby’s little black nose sticking over the wool comforter.
Clara smiles at her, bending slightly, just enough for Judy to see the kit's face. The sleeping toddler wakes, Judy gasps, eyes prickling. She is greeted by forest green eyes. Her little paw extending out of the sheet to bat at her long ears.
Judy silently asks Clara for the bundle. She acquiesces, handing the girl over.
Judy reverently holds her, cradling her protectively to her chest. The little kit smiles, cooing at the strange woman in front of her. She notices the russet fur, the black tipped ears, her darker paws. She feels herself falling in love with the little girl. A tear escaping her eye as she breathes out “I’ll take care of you”.
-----
Everything became chaotic after that.
Sleepless nights caring for the kit, Isabelle Viviane Hopps, she decided on. Learning how to be a mother, the small crib in her room the proof she now was living for someone else.
She watched the toddler take her first steps, say her first words, her first day of preschool. She watched her grow into a confident young vixen.
One day her daughter came home from school, a question evident in her face.
“Mom? Where is my dad?” She asked. Her kitish voice filled with innocence.
“He, is… no longer with us” Judy swore she would never lie to her child, even if it hurt the both of them.
“He is…”
“Yes, sweetheart. I’m afraid so” She felt herself tear up, thinking of her mate. Her fox.
“Can you tell me about him?” Isabelle asks, reserved but curious.
“I would love to” Judy replied to her.
She told her how they met, explaining how he’d been a different fox then but still had a heart of gold.
How she forced him to help her but somewhere along the way they became friends.
How he had defended her against her former boss, admitting that’s when the small spark of romantic affection came to life for her.
How they found the missing mammals, how she hurt him.
How her uncle Gideon gave her the piece to solve the case.
How she went back hoping for forgiveness, how she couldn't have done it without him by her side.
How he changed his life, leaving behind everything he knew to become her partner on the force.
How he was a hero, even against the odds. Saving her life more times that she dared remember.
She cried, there wasn’t a way around it. As much as she thought of Nick on a daily basis she still couldn't bring herself to remember everything they went through. Telling her daughter, their daughter, because she just knew Nick would have said so, everything they’ve done. Their story. It left a bittersweet feeling in her chest.
“Can we go visit him?” Her daughter asks, her own eyes slightly moist from the tales of the mammal she never got to meet.
“Yes” She’s never gone back to Zootopia after she left, but with her daughter by her side she knew she’d have the courage to do so.
-----
The years run their course.
Judy is sitting next to her parents, watching with rapt attention and barely contained excitement as her daughter gets her own badge pinned to her chest. She is proud of her little girl. When the new officers are told they can leave Judy just jumps onto the stage, holding her daughter with as much strength as she can muster. Perfectly enough to show her her feelings. Her tears fall, her chest full with love.
-----
Judy wakes, sitting as quickly as she can in her bed. She is breathing fast, bordering on a panic attack. When a soft russet paw finds her own gray one.
“You okay, Honey Bun?” He asks, concern written plainly on his face.
She sobs, holding into him for dear life. She spends the next few minutes sobbing in his chest, breathing in his musk, as he pets her ears back. Calmly reassuring her everything is alright.
She tells him her nightmare, the parts she can remember.
“I thought the nightmares were over?”
“So did I” She pressed a paw to her swollen belly “I guess I’ve been stressed with little Bella being so close to popping out”
He chuckles “You and I both Fluff”. He placed a paw on her cheek, the cool metal of his ring tickling her fur “But remember, no matter what, we are doing this together”
“Yeah” She placed a paw atop the one on her cheek, her own ring making a soft ‘clink’ as it collided with its pair. She leaned into his warmth. “I know, I guess I’m just being a dumb bunny again”
“Emotional bunny maybe, but not dumb. Not this time, at least” He said with a smirk.
“Har har, back to bed with you dumb fox, remember we have the last ultrasound tomorrow”
“Yes, ma’am” He offered a mock salute before holding her close, getting ready to fall back asleep.
“I love you Judy” He whispered into her ear.
“I love you too” She whispered back.