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A smile fills my face as I walk onto set.
It was the day after filming sorcerer and I felt amazing.
"Hey Noah, great job yesterday!" Finn says while walking past me.
I feel myself blush, "Thank you!"
I head over to the writers' room to see the door cracked open a little.
There Ross, Matt, and Shawn are all sitting at a table, dying laughing over something on the computer sitting in front of them.
Instead of going in, I decide to do a little spying to see if I could get any spoilers about Byler.
"And quick, quick! Make Murray be there too!!" Matt says while Ross and Shawn are slamming the table, laughing.
"Hold on! Hold on!" Ross jumps, "Let me ask Meta AI what to do next!!!"
"Great idea!" Shawn says.
Ross gasps and practically starts jumping up and down.
"Guys, this is tooo good!!" he says, "It says 'Inspired by the 2012 Disney Channel Original Film Radio Rebel, you should make everyone one at a time get up and say 'Me Too', This is perfect!!"
They all gather around the computer to watch Matt type it up.
What were they talking about??
None of this made any sense, the scene sounded horrible.
I wonder what scene it is, I think to myself.
Suddenly, I lose my balance and fall right to the floor in front of me, accidentally pushing the door wide open.
I look up to see the three of them staring directly at me with a disgusted look on all of their faces.
"Oh, um, I'm sorry," I stutter out, "I just wanted to ask you guys a question."
"How long were you at the door?" The gay one asks
"Oh uh, not long," I say
"Were you there long enough to hear about Will's coming out scene?" the balding one asks
"Wait?" I say, realization suddenly hitting me, "Th...That's Will's coming out scene? But I heard you say Murray was going to be there. Why would he be there?"
"Uh, everyone's gonna be there, duh," Ross says, flipping the computer towards me, "Here, read it for yourself."
My eyes quickly skim through the script in horror as it just keeps getting worse and worse.
"But...but," I stammer, "This is terrible, it's so out of touch and... and it's queerbaiting."
"Ooh queerbaiting, I like that word," Ross says, turning to Matt, "Put that on our mood board."
"What about Byler?" I say, "You're not doing anything with it??"
Matt starts bursting out in laughter and falls out of his seat.
I watch in disbelief that this is really happening.
"But...but," I start, "You can't...you can't..."
"Spit it out fagatron 3000" Shawn says, causing Ross to fall out of his seat laughing.
I sit there in shock for what feels like a minute with my mouth hanging wide open.
Ross and Matt both collect themselves from laughing and wipe tears from their eyes.
"Look," Matt says, "This isn't a show about some little GAY boys running around in some GAY world being all happy and GAY."
He spits the word out like it's a slur.
"Yeah," Ross agrees, "Who cares about that when were making money, ever heard of it?"
All three of them fall out of their chairs laughing again, so I decide to get up and leave.
As I walk out the door, I bump into Finn standing there.
"Come with me," He says while grabbing my arm and pulling me all the way to his dark trailer;).
He closes the door and turns to face me, "Look, I heard all of that."
"You did?" I say, suddenly aware of the tears streaming down my face.
"Yes," he says, staring deeply and intensely into my eyes, "I say kick away. We need to stop them, and I have a plan."
The next day, Finn and I wake up bright and early, snuggled in each other's arms.
We get up and immediately get to business.
I grab a can of spray paint, and he grabs a pair of keys.
I step outside to see a white van with the darkest tinted windows I've ever seen.
"Ready?" Finn asks.
"Absolutely," I say
I start spray painting the words on the van, and when I'm finished, I take a step back to admire my work.
In big black letters, it reads: FREE QUEERBAITING TIPS INSIDE
It's perfect.
"You sure they'll be dumb enough to fall for this?" I ask.
"Uh, duh," Finn says while handing me a ski mask.
We get in the van and drive over to a gay bar where we see the three of them standing outside the door, throwing dirt at everyone who comes out.
We park right in front of them and honk our horn.
Matt gasps and points, and the writing gets the attention of Ross and Shawn.
All three run over to the van and, without hesitation, hop into the back.
"Told you it would work," Finn says to me.
We lock the doors and turn around while taking our ski masks off.
"Surprise!" Finn yells
"AHH," Shawn yells, "Am I in some Paris type fairy land right now? Why are there two faguettes here??"
"After not-so-careful consideration, we have decided to flip the script," I say, "You queerbaited us, so we baited you into a van."
"NOOO," Matt says, turning to Ross to cry into his shoulder.
"But look," Finn says, "It's not so bad, we put a TV back there."
"Oh, yay!" Shawn says.
"Now," Finn whispers to me.
I grab the remote and go to HBO Max.
"Ooh, what are we watching?" Shawn asks
"Oh, I don't know if you've heard of it," I say, "It's a little show called Heated Rivalry."
"NO, NO, NOOOO" Matt screams.
We turn around and start driving
"Roadtrip time!" I say
"Where are we going?" Ross says through tears.
"O-block Chicago," Finn says, "Were meeting some friends there."
"But... that's like ten hours from here!" Matt says.
"Perfect!" I say, "Enough time to finish your show, now get to watching!"
After a long ten hour drive filled with the sounds of Matt, Ross, and Shawn screaming every time anything gay happened in the show (the whole show), we finally made it to Chicago.
Finn drives the van to an empty 7-11 parking lot.
"Goodbye hoes," Finn says to the three in the back while flipping them off.
"Hope you don't get baited into a van again, oh wait... you wont have another chance;)." I say
Finn and I get out of the van, leaving them in there, and walk to the edge of the parking lot.
We look over and see Millie in her car at the other end of the parking lot.
We give her a thumbs up and hear her engine rev as she zooms full speed toward the van.
Her car makes contact with the van, causing it to do around 6-7 flips before finally landing on its side, then catching on fire.
We hear the screams from the three of them slowly fade into the distance.
Finn and I look at eachother for a second before going in for a kiss.
"I've seen stranger things," Gaten says, appearing from the 7-11
"Well butter my bun and call me a biscuit," Jake says, also coming out of the 7-11
"And when I'm back in Chicago, I feel it..." We hear from a distance.
We look up to see Joe Keery floating down from the sky
"Another version of me, I was in it. Oh, I wave goodbye to the end of beginning."