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“You should go home, Steve,” Nancy said with sweetness in her voice, caressing his back. “Get in the shower, change your clothes and go to sleep. We’ll call you if something changes”.
“I can’t,” Steve answered, laconical.
“Steve, you’re here everyday. You barely sleep. It’s been a month. I bet that nothing will happen if you go home for some hours,” Robin said.
“Plus, you really stink,” Dustin added.
Steve swallowed, tired. His eyes were circled in red and his face was pale. He was wearing the jacket you bought for him as a gift of your last anniversary together. His gift for you was a ring, but he didn’t have the chance to give it to you. He had everything planned: the dinner, the smoking, the hair, the ring and, of course, Dustin’s permission. He didn’t want to marry you on the spot, it was just a promise. The promise of a life together, after everything you had been through. But then, Vecna happened. Max wasn’t the only one in the ospital. You were there too, without waking up. The doctors kept saying that the chances of you getting up were getting lower and lower, but Steve didn’t agree with them. You were a force of nature, his epic love. You were about to get up. He just had to wait a little longer.
“I wasn’t there,” he whispered and Dustin immediately lowered his gaze.
“If you keep feeling guilty for something that you couldn’t stop…” Nancy was trying to say, but Robin shaked her head. It was useless. She already tried a lot of times.
“I couldn’t even hold her hand while… while… God, I told her not to come with us!” He exclaimed, passing a hand in his hair.
“She was there, because she was worried about me. I should be the one to feel guilty,” Dustin said, with tears in his eyes. “She just wanted to protect her little brother”.
“At least you got to say goodbye to her,” Steve said and immediately closed his eyes after it.
“That’s unfair,” Dustin said, hurt, pointing a finger to Steve. “You know guys, maybe you should all go home. That’s family business, after all and you’re not famil to her,” he said, while looking at Steve and Steve clenched his jaw, angry. That was more than unfair, to him.
At that point, Steve decided to really go home. Nancy and Robin stayed there with you, outside the room, just so they could him if something happened.
Steve got in the shower, tired. He still had nightmares about what had happened to you that night. He lost Eddie and then he almost lost you too. You were attacked in the Upside Down while you were with Dustin and he couldn’t manage to protect you, because you protected him. He still remembered your words: “We split. I go with Dustin and you go with Nancy. If anything happnes to Dustin, I’ll never forgive myself”. You were sure that he could protect himself, but Dustin couldn’t. So when Steve finally found you, Dustin was screaming his name. Steve could still hear Dustin’s cracked voice, while you were laying unconscious into his arms.
Steve came back to the hospital. He had just arrived to your floor again, after some hours of being apart, when he was a lot of doctors and nurses running to your room.
“Robin? Nance?” He called, the panic already in his voice. “What’s happening?”
“She’s waking up, Steve!” Robin exclaimed with joy, leaving him shocked. “The doctor said that, with her injuries, it’s a miracle”.
Steve ran to your room. Everyody was outside, including Dustin, but he could see you behind the glass. His put his hands on it, slowly, almost caressing it, as if he could hold you into his arms again. You were opening your eyes, your beautiful eyes, again and he felt like he could live again. His heart was racing. Then, everything happened so quickly he could swear that it was a dream.
“Can we see her?” Dustin asked and the doctor shaked his head.
“I have something to tell you,” he said. “Are you her family?”
Dustin looked at Steve, then he nodded.
“Yes”.
“Well, I’m sorry to tell you this, guys, but she lost some of her memory,” he said and Steve almost fell with his knees to the floor.
“What does it mean?” Dustin asked.
“It means that she no longer remembers the last four years of her life,” he replied and Steve felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore. The last four years of dating him were gone. Every memory, every touch, every kiss, every laugh, were officially gone forever. “I suggest to let her remember everything by herself”.
“I’m sorry, Steve,” Dustin said, a hand on his arm.
Steve looked beyond the glass. He couldn’t enter. You couldn’t see him. Yet, he wanted to look at you one more time, before you came back to hate him. Before you came back to be single again. Before you came back to kiss somebody else.
Maybe it was faith, but your gaze found his one last time. You looked at him, but your eyes were empty and he felt like drowning.
***
“You’re always so mean to me for no reason, Y/N!” Steve yelled.
“Maybe if you’d try not to be a douchebag, I wouldn’t be so mean to you!” You shouted across the kitchen. “And why are you not helping me to set the table?”
“Because I’m scared of you!”
“Oh my God, can you two please stop it? We should have dinner together, not punch each other in the face!” Dustin replied.
“Your sister is unbearable”.
“And you’re impossible, Steve Harrington”.
“Careful, baby, this how the best stories begin,” Steve said, a corner of his lips up as if he was trying to flirt with you.
You took a step forward, the dishes still in your hands, in order to be in front of him when you spoke: “The world will have to be upside down for me to even think of falling in love with you, Harrington”.
Steve looked at your lips, then into your eyes again and you felt your heart skip a beat.
“I don’t want to work with you on this project, Harrington,” you whined, while he was sitting on your bed, door closed. “I don’t buy Nancy’s sickness. She doesn’t want to see you anymore, that’s why now I’m stuck with you”.
“Is it why you hate me so much?” He asked, but that wasn’t frustration in his voice, just curiosity.
You tilted your head.
“I don’t hate you,” you replied and he gave you an eloquent look. It almost made you smile. “I just used to despise the way you treated my best friend while you were in a relationship with her. You were a total idiot, back then”.
“We’re talking about barely two months ago, Y/N”.
You shrugged. “Do you have something in mind? Like an experiment to do?”
“No. I don’t want to do this with you, I’d rather be with Nance”.
“Oh, so you we’re talking about Nancy here. What is it? You don’t have enough chemistry with me?” You asked and he faked a laugh. “I’m funny, I know”.
“Well, Y/N, actually the way you said it looked like you were jealous,” Steve replied, while getting up from the bed and getting closer to you, hands in his pockets.
You swallowed, then he looked at you in the eyes, a smirk on his lips that meant a challenge. Your heart began to race in your chest and you felt like your ribs were crushing by a new thought: he was Nancy’s ex boyfriend, so he was off limits. So you took a step back, embarrassed and a bit regretful. He seemed disappointed.
“We should get back to work”.
You rushed to the door, concerned. Dustin was almost alright, but Steve was covered in blood and he seemed like he could faint soon. You had some bandages with you, so you could stitch him up. When his gaze met yours, he clenched his jaw. He seemed sorry to be there at midnight, but most of all, he seemed quite uncomfortable. Maybe it was because you were in your pajamas, but you didn’t know it for sure. You helped Dustin, then you brought Steve into your room, door closed behind him.
“I don’t wanna leave some blood on your perfect bed,” he said and you shaked your head.
“It’s fine, I’ll do the laundry later. You’re bleeding out, Steve”.
“I shouldn’t be here”.
“You should be in the hospital, but nobody would believe you, so it’s fine”.
“No, it’s not fine!” He shouted. You looked away, worried that your parents could wake up and find you with a guy, covered in blood, in your room at midnight. “I’m sorry. I’m just… tired, I guess”.
“Please, just let me help you,” you whispered and Steve released a breath.
“God, I wish I could delete you”.
“What?”
And then, Steve cupped your cheeks into his hands and kissed you so hard you could barely breathe after it. It was like he set each and every bone in your body on fire. His hands were suddenly on your hips, then around your shoulders, while he was hugging you.
“Steve…”
“Please, don’t say anything. Just let me enjoy this moment”.
So you hugged him back and deep down, you understood what he meant: he felt finally safe with you.
Steve was watching the wall in front of him. His father had asked him why we wasn’t hanging out with such a “lovely girl” like you and his mother had asked: “Why don’t I see Y/N at home anymore? Did you do something wrong and she broke up with you?” It was hard to explain that he actually wanted to marry you, but you had lost your memory, so just said that “you were on a trip with your family”. He also hadn’t seen Dustin in weeks, after their last fight. Well, that was the right moment to change everything. He had to take you back.
He went to your house. He had the jacket, some flowers and a smile on his face, even if it was fake. He knocked on the door and Dustin opened it for him.
“Have you lost your mind?” He asked, while closing the door behind him.
“What?”
“She can’t see you!”
“Why? We knew each other back then”.
“She hated you”.
“Nah, she didn’t,” Steve said, confidently.
“She did,” Dustin repeated. “And then she didn’t anymore. But, Steven, she can’t remember four years in a minute, so I forbid you to see her”.
“You what? You’re still her little brother, you don’t get to decide for her”.
“Then why did you ask me for her hand?” Dustin asked.
Steve took a deep breath. Trying to forget you was difficult, but remembering the old times with you was even harder. He couldn’t blame Dustin, after all, bit he missed you so much…
“Why did you give me your permission?” Steve asked, tired. He looked so defeated, Dustin was feeling terrible for him.
“Because you made her laugh,” he answered and Steve gave him a sad smile.
“I loved her laugh”.
“And she loved you,” Dustin replied.
“Look, Dustin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…”
“That’s fine,” Dustin said, then he opened the door for Steve. “Come and get your girl back, tiger, before I can think about it again”.
Steve went to the living room. It was afternoon and you were sitting on the couch, watching something on TV. Actually, you were reading, a plaid on your legs and the eyes on the pages.
“Y/N?” He called.
You turned around, a spark of curiosity in your eyes. You were so beautiful, it was like a ray on sunshine hit him. Steve smiled shyly at you, the flowers in his hands.
“Hi. Are they for me?” You asked and he nodded.
“Are you feeling any better?”
“I’m doing good, I guess,” you said, while taking the flowers. “They smell so good. Thanks, Harrington”.
The realization hit Steve when you called him by his surname. Maybe you didn’t hate him again, but you were distant from him anyway. He scanned your figure, looking for some answers, a glimpse of something related to your life together, but there was none. And all of a sudden, he felt alone again.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked and he shaked his head.
“Nothing. Sorry, I just zoned out, I guess”.
“Dustin says you broke up with Nance. Are you okay?”
He let out a nervous laugh. That was his personal Hell. You made him forget about Nancy a long time ago, but while you over so over her, you were still living in the past. It was like time stopped running in your head.
“I am, yeah. She’s with Jonathan now and I’m a completely different person”.
“Dustin said so too, but I don’t buy it. Nah, you’re still the same guy,” you replied.
“Why are you so sure of it?”
“Because you still wear that stupid jacket,” you said and he furrowed his brows. How could you recognize it? You bought it just some time ago for him, after all. He didn’t have it four years ago.
“What? This is new. It’s actually a gift,” Steve said and you laughed.
“From who? Somebody who doesn’t know how to sew?” You asked, while taking his arm. He took a step back from you, angry. “Sorry. Look at the seams, though. This jacket was repaired. Is this from some girl at school? I don’t know how to sew, but it’s not a good work”.
Then, something hit him: that was the school’s jacket that he had during the first year of your relationship with him. He threw it because it was covered in blood and broken, but you probably took it and repaired it for him. Steve felt the corners of his eyes burning. It took you four years to learn how to sew in order to give it to hima gain and now, you didn’t even remember it. It was beyond hurtful for him. He had to leave.
“It doesn’t matter. Look, I’m happy that you feel better, but now I have to go”.
“Wait,” you said, while Steve was rushing to the door. “Steve, wait”. He turned around to look at you with glossy eyes. “Thanks for saving my life. Dustin told me everything. We’re alive because of you. It’s not something I’ll forget easily”.
He nodded, a knot in his throat.
“No worries,” he said with broken voice.
“Steve, are you okay?”
“I’m sorry, I have to go”.
Pain wasn’t the strongest word to describe what he was feeling, but it was quite close to it. He just knew that he couldn’t see you anymore, not like that. Maybe he just had to accept that it was over, even if he was still so desperately in love with you.
Even if it was hard, Dustin helped him. He invited Steve almost every week at home in order to study or to have dinner together or to think about a crawl to do for one year and a half. He was always there and something in you shifted again. Were you falling in love with Steve Harrington again?
“I wouldn’t say that it was your worst job, though. I loved the free ice-cream!” Dustin exclaimed and Steve laughed.
“I hated that damn hat! Also I always had to be incredibly polite to every customer, your sister included”.
“Hey! I don’t remember anything, but I probably was nice,” you said.
“You were,” Steve said, while glancing at you with fondness. Dustin caught it and smiled to himself. “You were”.
The three of you were sitting on the ground in your room. You had your legs on the bed, back on the ground, while Steve was next to you, back on your bed and his long legs were past your head. Dustin, legs crossed on Steve’s left side, was looking at thw two of you as if time hadn’t passed and you still were one happy family.
“Also, that was probably your best outfit. You were hot in it,” you said, then immediately brought your hands on your mouth. Steve looked at you in shock.
“Okay, it’s time for me to go to bed, bye,” Dustin said, then he closed the door behind himself.
You sat on the ground, your cheeks burning because of the embarrassment, eyes on your feet. Steve still didn’t know how to reply to your sentence. Did it mean that you remembered? Did it mean that you still loved him?
“Steve…”
“No, it’s okay”.
“No, it’s not okay. It wasn’t appropriate, I’m sorry”.
“Don’t be sorry”.
“And why is that?” You asked. “It was a stupid joke, but…”
“Was it?” He asked, his big doe eyes locked with yours. You felt shivrs down your spine. “Because, you know, if I’d hate somebody, I wouldn’t say something like that”.
“I don’t hate you”.
“But you don’t like me,” he stated and you swallowed. “Or at least, this is what you keep remind me. But, see Y/N, I think that you’re just lying to yourself,” he said, his lips a whisper away from your ear. Your whole body was on fire right now. You froze, unable to say something more that didn’t seem another lie. “If you don’t say something right now, I’ll kiss you. I just need one word from you to stop, Y/N. You decide if you wanna play the game”.
He leaned in to kiss you. He was so close to you, you could actually smell his cologne and see every mole he had on his neck. He looked incredibly beautiful under the moonlight that was entering into the room. You felt his breath on your face, when he closed his eyes.
And you didn’t say anything. You just let his lips to touch yours and the sudden warmth on his mouth reminded you of something, like in a fairytale. A sentence.
“God, I wish I could delete you,” you whispered and Steve stopped, in order to look at you in disbelief.
The truth was the he crawled under your skin again. You didn’t remember anything from the past, but there was this hunch, a feeling, that wa sinto your bones when he was around you. You weren’t so naive as you made it look: you knew that something was off the moment he came in with the flowers. The last time he did something like that, it was with Nancy. Dustin had told you.
You fell in love with Steve Harrington for the second time.
“Babe…”
“I think that you should go,” you said. You didn’t really want him to go away, but your head was about to make you feel weak and you didn’t want him to see like that. Maybe you were about to remember something important or you were just tired, but you just wanted to be alone with your thoughts. “Please”.
Steve nodded, sadness in his eyes.
When he walked away, you felt the tears burning beneath your eyes. The truth was that you were just scared. The first time led you to a coma and you were lucky to be alive. But the war wasn’t over and you were still worried about your brother. You coudln’t let your feelings for Steve to lead you to a certain death again. You had to convince Dustin not to go to the Upside Down again, but you couldn’t bear to do that with Steve too. You had to protect yourself and your family too, this time and Steve didn’t have to be a part of it again.
You didn’t succeed, though. After a very difficult crawl and a fight, Dustin and Steve come back to your house with bruises and cuts on their cheeks. It was midnight, but the light in your living room was still on.
Steve saw you on the couch: you were half asleep, the blanket on your legs. He was surprised to see you there and not in your room, even if he knew that you were probably awake. You wanted to go with them, but they didn’t want you to risk your life again. They even waited a lot of time, before they could tell you that Eddie died that night.
He saw that you had the bandages on the table and smiled at it. You tried to be mean and bossy just to wear a mask on your real sweetness. You were too kind for him, but he wanted you anyway. That’s why he was still carrying around the ring in his pocket. Now that Max was awake, you didn’t feel guilty for being awake anymore and Nancy was fine without Jonathan. Everything was almost okay. He had to catch the chance.
“Why are you still awake?” Steve asked.
You looked at Dustin, who seemed almost fine, before you could take an angry glance on him. “Dustin, go to your room. Steve, come here”.
He sat on the couch withouth a word. You took some bandages and you caressed the skin on his left cheek, stitching his cut up.
“I thought about a plan, Y/N. It’s a good plan,” he said, with a smile on his face. Some blood stained his white sweather. “Even Dustin said that it was. You should have been so proud of me,” he added, but you remained silent. He looked at the living room, so cold unlike your room, that was very warm. He wondered why you stayed awake there. “Why did you wait for us here?”
You furrowed your brows.
“What?”
“I mean, I figured that you were waiting for us because you were probably upset, but why here? Why not in your own room?”
“Because I couldn’t see you coming back from my window,” you answered. “I left a light on for you, Steve, because I was worried about you”.
His eyes became glossy instantly. He had waited his whole life to have someone like you, someone who would wait for him to come back home with the light on and that person was now in front of him. Even with your memories erased, you were still on his side.
He took the ring from his pocket and your hand with the other. You looked confused like never before.
“Marry me, Y/N,” he said. You looked at him in disbelief. “Not now, not tomorrow, but someday. Dustin gave me his permission,” he said and you giggled. “Promise me that, when this will be over, you’ll stay with me forever. Nothing can compete with you”.
You gulped, astonished. You didn’t expect something like that, a proposal, especially after being so distant from him because you were actually concerned about him getting hurt. But you still had feelings for him and it was undeniable. So, in the end, the most obvious answer fell out of your mouth.
“I guess that I’m stuck with you, Harrington,” you finally said with a grin.
He smiled at you: “I guess so”.
And then he kissed you.